The Jellies (2017) s02e08 Episode Script
Walla Walla Civil War
[ shouting, horses neighing .]
[ shouting neighing continues .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
what's the matter, chata? You're not gonna buy a vest this year? No way, bro.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
This holiday is a sham.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you say it before? I forgot to give a funk.
Did you just say "funk"? Yeah, because if I say [bleep.]
they just gonna bleep it out? See? [bleep.]
the founder of walla walla was evil.
Mr.
Tomato man was not a family man.
Could you imagine a family man raping, killing, and not saying "I love you" before tucking them into bed? Because this family man can't.
I oughta slap the shit outta you talking that way about mr.
Tomato man.
You just upset because your vest makes you look stupid.
You ain't stylish enough to serve these looks [bleep.]
.
Look at you, in yo stupid ass turtleneck.
Oh! I'll have you know that turtlenecks are what the natives of walla walla wore, and everyone should be wearing them to honor their memory this week.
Isn't that right, barry? Don't bring barry into this.
Barry's buying a vest today.
Aren't you? -I'm, uhI'm I don't really want to get in the middle of this.
Oh, you in the middle.
You either with the vests or you're not.
[ elevator bell dings .]
[ scatting .]
what the -- [ giggling .]
turtleneck awareness? Have you lost yo damn mind? Turns out these people only wore vests before because they didn't know the truth.
But armi knows it now.
Doesn't he? We will be heard! [ chuckles .]
this is preposterous, chata! You can't be pushing your propaganda shit on all these innocent people.
Rhonda, can you believe -- rhonda, nah! Damn! I really liked that bitch.
I really saw a future with her, too.
I was gonna get a house.
Barry? What the hell is that? It's a vest over my turtleneck.
Barry, you double-dippin'? Double-dippin' ass nigga.
Look, I can hear both sides, samuel.
Can't I be pro-vest and pro-turtleneck? No, you most certainly cannot be bisexual.
It's like salsa.
It's a dance and a food, but it can't be both at the same time.
So which one are you, barry? -I'm -- -it's like curry.
You can season your chicken with it, or you can watch him play basketball.
Or it's like cosby.
It's funny, and then it's not funny.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I understand samuel's side, but I understand chata's, too.
Oh, jesus.
I don't know.
This is so frustrating and adds so much stress to my life.
I'm just gonna kill myself.
[ both laugh .]
sounds like you an indecisive bitch who can't make up his damn mind.
If you ask me, samuel's right.
You can't just be up changing everything because one person feels some kind of way.
Actually, I'm looking it up, and chata was kind of right.
Mr.
Tomato man was a dick.
-Well, if you ask me -- -unh-unh.
Oh, hell no.
What you doin' wearing your vest? I told you not to wear it before the celebration.
Take it off now.
But why? Mama! [ doorbell rings .]
[ sighs .]
barry, I'm here to collect signatures for my "eradicate turtlenecks" petition.
Can I count on you? Don't you think this is getting out of hand? There's room for vests and turtlenecks and jackets.
Barry! You are betraying your people, your culture -- who -- who the hell is in a jacket? Let me know right now, and I will [bleep.]
somebody up.
No one.
No one.
It was just an example.
You better tell chata if I see him, he better start respecting the tomato man, or I'm gonna turn that nigga into ketchup.
That's real talk.
You can tell him your self.
He's meeting with mervin right now to sign a new turtleneck law into effect.
He's what?! Just give him this small victory, samuel.
Do you really care what clothes people wear to the festival tomorrow? [ cellphone vibrates .]
are you happy now, mrs.
Debbie? And with the signing of this law, we shall forever settle for once and all -- samuel: This is my vest, and this is my trigger! Touch either one and we bustin' on niggas! Sleeveless shirts are not okay.
Take your vests and go away! [ all chanting incoherently .]
stop! Stop! Ahh! Stop making me choke you! God bless you! Now that I have your attention, it seems to me that both sides feel very strongly about this vest-versus-turtleneck issue.
Jesus, I wish you were a little more vocal when I was knee-deep trying to raise money for the anal beads for gym class fundraiser.
What is you saying? What I'm saying is it's nice to see our citizens take part in the political system, but, given none of us were actually there when walla walla was founded, perhaps we'll never be able to tell what really took place.
-He's right.
-I am? Are you saying what I think you're saying? No, what I am saying is this town needs a Oh! A racial cleansing to get rid of all crackers.
No, a civil A silverado! I know some mexicans that can move some furniture.
Come on.
A civil war reinactment.
Now, I've been watching you mother [bleep.]
fight for days.
Now, if you're with it, come get it.
[ cheers and applause .]
[ air horn blowing .]
we'll see your dirty ass necks at 3:00 tomorrow.
Bring your guns.
well, you should read the sign.
"no neck, no service.
" oh.
No coloreds either, chocolate drop.
The hell you lookin' at, bitch? YouBitch.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not in this house! Yeah, you lucky bitch ass barry saved your ass.
Come on, mama.
Let's go get some fajitas.
Good night, good night.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, that -- that I shall say good night 'til it be morrow -- ow! Mr.
Tomato man was a fraud! The free world! [ laughs .]
[ all shouting .]
[ plays drum beat .]
vest people Neck people I appear before all of you, shirtless.
I'd like to share a plea to stop this.
He's right, samuel.
This is your last chance to back down.
We will not back down nigga.
I have a dream.
On my mama.
Oh, hell, what -- m-mama? -You were saying? -Hey, yo! Don't nobody stand on my mama but me! You goin' down, [bleep.]
! -He's right! We gonna show these stupid ass, dirty ass pilgrims who's boss, or what? Charge! [ all shouting .]
[ all making bullet noises quietly .]
[ bullet noises continue .]
[ tink! .]
ah! I'm dead! Ah! You got me! Ah! The tables have turned.
[ bullet noises continue .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, is that blood? Oh, you just turned this into some whole other shit.
[ gunfire .]
no, wait, wait, wait! Time out! I'm cool! I'm cool! Wha! [ laughs .]
suckas! Mi casa is no longer su casa! This is for la rosa! Citizens of walla walla, this is getting out of hand! As your mayor, I'm gonna need you to do what I say and drop your weapon-- whoa! [bleep.]
! Sorry! Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
What have you done? Oh, whatevs.
It's just barry.
Aw, damn! Nah! Hell nah! Not barry! Rhonda, quick! Get something cool for his head! Rhonda! Bitch, you hear me talking to you! [ sobbing .]
come on.
Get up, bro.
You're okay.
I'm sorry.
This is our fault.
We let our pride get in the way of our friendship.
It was just a small disagreement.
We -- we never meant for it to get out of hand.
Chata never knows when enough is enough, and you know I never back down from a challenge.
Hey, bro, I'm sorry.
Yeah, he is sorry.
[muffled.]
it's all right, guys.
I'm just happy to have my friends back.
I could really go for a beer.
I almost forgot it was happy hour.
Good call, amigo.
You know what? That fashion disaster actually looks halfway decent on you.
I was gonna say.
That vest really brings out your eyes.
[ groans .]
hey, hemi.
That's my hot dog! [ laughs .]
[ shouting neighing continues .]
[ indistinct conversations .]
what's the matter, chata? You're not gonna buy a vest this year? No way, bro.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
This holiday is a sham.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you say it before? I forgot to give a funk.
Did you just say "funk"? Yeah, because if I say [bleep.]
they just gonna bleep it out? See? [bleep.]
the founder of walla walla was evil.
Mr.
Tomato man was not a family man.
Could you imagine a family man raping, killing, and not saying "I love you" before tucking them into bed? Because this family man can't.
I oughta slap the shit outta you talking that way about mr.
Tomato man.
You just upset because your vest makes you look stupid.
You ain't stylish enough to serve these looks [bleep.]
.
Look at you, in yo stupid ass turtleneck.
Oh! I'll have you know that turtlenecks are what the natives of walla walla wore, and everyone should be wearing them to honor their memory this week.
Isn't that right, barry? Don't bring barry into this.
Barry's buying a vest today.
Aren't you? -I'm, uhI'm I don't really want to get in the middle of this.
Oh, you in the middle.
You either with the vests or you're not.
[ elevator bell dings .]
[ scatting .]
what the -- [ giggling .]
turtleneck awareness? Have you lost yo damn mind? Turns out these people only wore vests before because they didn't know the truth.
But armi knows it now.
Doesn't he? We will be heard! [ chuckles .]
this is preposterous, chata! You can't be pushing your propaganda shit on all these innocent people.
Rhonda, can you believe -- rhonda, nah! Damn! I really liked that bitch.
I really saw a future with her, too.
I was gonna get a house.
Barry? What the hell is that? It's a vest over my turtleneck.
Barry, you double-dippin'? Double-dippin' ass nigga.
Look, I can hear both sides, samuel.
Can't I be pro-vest and pro-turtleneck? No, you most certainly cannot be bisexual.
It's like salsa.
It's a dance and a food, but it can't be both at the same time.
So which one are you, barry? -I'm -- -it's like curry.
You can season your chicken with it, or you can watch him play basketball.
Or it's like cosby.
It's funny, and then it's not funny.
[ indistinct conversations .]
I understand samuel's side, but I understand chata's, too.
Oh, jesus.
I don't know.
This is so frustrating and adds so much stress to my life.
I'm just gonna kill myself.
[ both laugh .]
sounds like you an indecisive bitch who can't make up his damn mind.
If you ask me, samuel's right.
You can't just be up changing everything because one person feels some kind of way.
Actually, I'm looking it up, and chata was kind of right.
Mr.
Tomato man was a dick.
-Well, if you ask me -- -unh-unh.
Oh, hell no.
What you doin' wearing your vest? I told you not to wear it before the celebration.
Take it off now.
But why? Mama! [ doorbell rings .]
[ sighs .]
barry, I'm here to collect signatures for my "eradicate turtlenecks" petition.
Can I count on you? Don't you think this is getting out of hand? There's room for vests and turtlenecks and jackets.
Barry! You are betraying your people, your culture -- who -- who the hell is in a jacket? Let me know right now, and I will [bleep.]
somebody up.
No one.
No one.
It was just an example.
You better tell chata if I see him, he better start respecting the tomato man, or I'm gonna turn that nigga into ketchup.
That's real talk.
You can tell him your self.
He's meeting with mervin right now to sign a new turtleneck law into effect.
He's what?! Just give him this small victory, samuel.
Do you really care what clothes people wear to the festival tomorrow? [ cellphone vibrates .]
are you happy now, mrs.
Debbie? And with the signing of this law, we shall forever settle for once and all -- samuel: This is my vest, and this is my trigger! Touch either one and we bustin' on niggas! Sleeveless shirts are not okay.
Take your vests and go away! [ all chanting incoherently .]
stop! Stop! Ahh! Stop making me choke you! God bless you! Now that I have your attention, it seems to me that both sides feel very strongly about this vest-versus-turtleneck issue.
Jesus, I wish you were a little more vocal when I was knee-deep trying to raise money for the anal beads for gym class fundraiser.
What is you saying? What I'm saying is it's nice to see our citizens take part in the political system, but, given none of us were actually there when walla walla was founded, perhaps we'll never be able to tell what really took place.
-He's right.
-I am? Are you saying what I think you're saying? No, what I am saying is this town needs a Oh! A racial cleansing to get rid of all crackers.
No, a civil A silverado! I know some mexicans that can move some furniture.
Come on.
A civil war reinactment.
Now, I've been watching you mother [bleep.]
fight for days.
Now, if you're with it, come get it.
[ cheers and applause .]
[ air horn blowing .]
we'll see your dirty ass necks at 3:00 tomorrow.
Bring your guns.
well, you should read the sign.
"no neck, no service.
" oh.
No coloreds either, chocolate drop.
The hell you lookin' at, bitch? YouBitch.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not in this house! Yeah, you lucky bitch ass barry saved your ass.
Come on, mama.
Let's go get some fajitas.
Good night, good night.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, that -- that I shall say good night 'til it be morrow -- ow! Mr.
Tomato man was a fraud! The free world! [ laughs .]
[ all shouting .]
[ plays drum beat .]
vest people Neck people I appear before all of you, shirtless.
I'd like to share a plea to stop this.
He's right, samuel.
This is your last chance to back down.
We will not back down nigga.
I have a dream.
On my mama.
Oh, hell, what -- m-mama? -You were saying? -Hey, yo! Don't nobody stand on my mama but me! You goin' down, [bleep.]
! -He's right! We gonna show these stupid ass, dirty ass pilgrims who's boss, or what? Charge! [ all shouting .]
[ all making bullet noises quietly .]
[ bullet noises continue .]
[ tink! .]
ah! I'm dead! Ah! You got me! Ah! The tables have turned.
[ bullet noises continue .]
whoa, whoa, whoa, is that blood? Oh, you just turned this into some whole other shit.
[ gunfire .]
no, wait, wait, wait! Time out! I'm cool! I'm cool! Wha! [ laughs .]
suckas! Mi casa is no longer su casa! This is for la rosa! Citizens of walla walla, this is getting out of hand! As your mayor, I'm gonna need you to do what I say and drop your weapon-- whoa! [bleep.]
! Sorry! Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
What have you done? Oh, whatevs.
It's just barry.
Aw, damn! Nah! Hell nah! Not barry! Rhonda, quick! Get something cool for his head! Rhonda! Bitch, you hear me talking to you! [ sobbing .]
come on.
Get up, bro.
You're okay.
I'm sorry.
This is our fault.
We let our pride get in the way of our friendship.
It was just a small disagreement.
We -- we never meant for it to get out of hand.
Chata never knows when enough is enough, and you know I never back down from a challenge.
Hey, bro, I'm sorry.
Yeah, he is sorry.
[muffled.]
it's all right, guys.
I'm just happy to have my friends back.
I could really go for a beer.
I almost forgot it was happy hour.
Good call, amigo.
You know what? That fashion disaster actually looks halfway decent on you.
I was gonna say.
That vest really brings out your eyes.
[ groans .]
hey, hemi.
That's my hot dog! [ laughs .]