The O.C. (2003) s02e08 Episode Script
The Power of Love
Previously on The O.
C.
: I don't want this to be|like kissing your sister.
- Kirsten doesn't know, right?|- She thinks we' re friends.
I know you' re not on the market for any|new relatives, how about a friend? I did a musical or two myself in college.
Stop him before he starts|singing "Greased Lightnin'.
" - Are you drunk?|- She was like this when I picked her up.
- You don't have to defend yourself to her.
|- But you do, young lady.
- I need to go see a girl.
|- The girl who thinks you're too nice? - You stole a car?|- Yep.
I do it for kicks.
- Are you trying to impress me?|- What? You're a good guy.
|That's why I like you.
Cohen residence.
Ryan.
Hey, good.
|I was hoping you'd answer.
- If you' re alone, cough twice.
|- I'm alone.
- Not as stealth, but it works.
|- Where are you? Remember when I said|I was going to bed? - Didn't happen?|- No, it did.
Just not in my bed.
|But I did bring my favorite pillow.
You know, the really fluffy one? You don't wanna stick around|for a little home schooling? - Maybe I do.
|- Seth, your parents are awake.
- That's why I need you to cover me.
|- Let me think about that.
- No.
|- Ryan.
Think of my parents for a second.
They don't wanna know|I spent all night with a lady.
It's only gonna hurt them.
|You know how fragile they are.
Okay? Thank you.
- Hello.
|- Well, top of the morning to you too.
Happy anniversary.
Yeah.
Happy anniversary to you as well.
- I love you.
|- I love you too.
I love you more now|than I did 19 years ago.
You mean you love me more now than|you did the year after we got married? No.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
No, you know what I'm saying.
That newlywed year,|that doesn't count.
That's a given.
You don't know|how long we've been married.
No, no.
I was kidding you.
|I know it's our 20th.
How could I forget?|Who forgets their 20th anniversary? Apparently, you.
No, not me.
If I had thought this was|our 19th anniversary I would not have planned a celebration|only worthy of a 20th.
- You planned something?|- Yeah.
It's gonna be awesome.
I gotta go.
Hey, need a ride to school,|like, this second? - No, thanks.
Taking my bike.
See you.
|- Do not leave me.
Not now.
Where the hell is Seth?|I need reinforcements.
- Seth left early for school.
|- He did? He never leaves early for school.
Yeah, he had a report to finish, I think.
- A report.
About what?|- The history of agriculture in California.
- That's specific.
|- Yep.
- Happy anniversary.
|- Hey, kid.
I was a public defender|for many years.
I've been lied to by the best.
He snuck out to see his girlfriend,|didn't he? No, he didn't.
The history of agriculture|in California? The key to lying is to be vague.
|Have I taught you nothing? Look, I'm not a good liar.
In hiding your relationship with Lindsay,|you seem to not have such a problem.
We're both in trouble now.
Yeah.
I feel bad about it,|but you kind of deserve it after that.
Okay.
You know what?|Find someone else to cover for you.
Cover for me?|Let me tell you something.
If we were buddy cops,|and I like to think that we are I'd be riddled with bullets now.
- Hey, guys.
|- Hey.
- You read the new Whedon X-Men?|- I did.
I'll tell you my problems with it.
Too early for comic book talk.
|Are you getting a coffee? Yeah.
I'm getting two.
Thank you, sweetie.
Isn't it interesting how Summer is|drawn to the lovers of comic books? Yes, Cohen, Zach does|read comic books.
But Zach also plays water polo and looks like the guy|in the Abercrombie ad.
You read comic books and you wear|the same clothes that you slept in.
Excuse me.
|I did not sleep in these clothes.
Okay, so putting on the same|skeezy shirt from yesterday is a choice.
No, it was just all I had.
Did you shack at your girlfriend's and do the walk of shame|to school this morning? You shacked at Alex's?|You guys are shacking? - The washing machine broke.
|- No offense, but you're a bad liar.
It's cool, you guys.
|I don't care or anything.
No, hey.
I know.
Here you go.
You know, I can't drink coffee this early.
|It just, like, makes me nauseous.
Sorry.
We shoot this way, we get the house.
If we shoot the reverse,|we get the pool and ocean so Square footage or spectacular views?|Cal? This photo shoot is important.
|You could at least feign interest.
Which is exactly what I'm doing.
- I need money.
|- Well, good morning to you too.
Riviera Magazine wants to do|a big photo spread on us.
It's a great opportunity to demonstrate|our family's strength and resilience.
It's wonderful exposure.
Any chance to expose yourself, huh? Promise you'll be here,|wear something Marc Jacobs - and won't be off with your boyfriend.
|- So I can pretend we're happy? - Then I can't give you any money.
|- For the love of God.
Thank you.
- Great.
Way to undercut my power.
|- I happen to agree with her.
We are far from the perfect family, and|I see no point in lying about it publicly.
Thing is, even if I wanted|to lie about it, I can't.
I can't lie.
What do you mean?|You have a moral objection? No.
I mean, I can't do it.
|I suck at it.
Like the whole time you tried to pretend|like you didn't really like me? - Yeah, I didn't buy that for a second.
|- Yeah.
Thanks.
It's a matter of time|before Kirsten catches on.
She's already pretty mad|at Seth and Sandy.
Well, we'll tell her.
Could we wait a little bit? Kirsten and I had plans|to go to the swap meet then maybe check out,|you know, Shakespeare by the Sea.
The point is, we're still|getting to know each other.
I know.
I just don't want|to have to lie about us.
I don't want you to have to either.
|Believe me.
I could still come over tonight|and say we're going to study.
- And really study.
|- Okay, yeah.
Sounds good.
We'll tell them soon.
I promise.
Thank you.
|That sounds wonderful.
No.
We'll see you then.
All right, it was gonna be a surprise but seeing how this is|our 20th anniversary, I gotta tell you.
This weekend, I am taking you,|my beautiful bride of 20 years to the fabulous|Montage Hotel and Resort in breathtaking Laguna Beach.
The Montage gave you a reservation|at the last minute? Last minute? What, the phone call?|No.
That was me reconfirming.
Making sure they didn't|give away our suite that I booked|so many weeks in advance.
Whenever you made the reservation we shouldn't leave Seth alone|right now.
Seth isn't gonna be a problem|after I'm done disciplining him.
Fear of God, honey.
You'll see.
Start packing your bags.
Seth Ezekiel! Kitchen! Now! And bring Mr.
History of Agriculture|with you.
So, what do you have|to say for yourself? I'm sorry.
And also, it was an accident.
|It was not intentional.
We were watching TV|and we fell asleep like Mom does|when we put on a movie.
I do not.
|I'm just resting my eyes.
You're both grounded.
No going out.
|No phones.
No TV.
No video games.
Don't be a smartass.
Do you know what this weekend is? Sure, it's your 20th anniversary.
That's right, it is.
And I have been looking forward|to this weekend for quite a while.
Look, we want to go away|for the weekend.
And if we can't trust you, you'll have|to stay with your grandfather which means spending the weekend|with Julie Cooper.
- No more lying.
|- Trust us.
Good.
Now, go do your homework.
Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts|of children everywhere.
Very impressive.
So shall I schedule a couple's massage? Do you know what the gender|for maison is? - What?|- Maison? Our French homework? Right.
French.
Half of Orange County speaks Spanish,|we're learning how to order baguettes.
- Okay, someone's in a mood.
|- No, I'm not.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
|I was supposed to have sex first.
- What are you talking about?|- Cohen spent the night at his girlfriend's.
- They're obviously doing it.
|- That's got nothing to do with you.
But I thought I'd have sex first|and he'd catch syphilis in a public toilet.
You can't rush it.
|You have to wait till you're ready.
You know what, Coop?|You are right.
You wanna know what I just realized? That Zach and I are ready.
|Man, are we ready.
- Maybe we should take a break.
|- What's French for "let's have sex"? Something or other.
I mean, why don't they ever teach us|anything we can use? - So this is you grounded.
|- I'm surprised they even let you in.
Well, I promised them|we were here to study.
- Which we're here to do.
|- Right, right.
Study.
Got it.
Yep.
Study.
So look, not that we were wrong|to punish them, but, you know maybe we're handling this|in the wrong way.
Post-grounding guilt? You're such a convincing hardass.
|But deep down you're such a softy.
If all we do is send them to their rooms|to do homework - what are they gonna learn?|- Their homework.
Well, if, as parents, we're supposed|to be setting a good example how can we if they're not|in the same room with us? - You want to cancel this weekend?|- We could log some parent-child time.
- Watching TV?|- Why not? - with my guest, Mike Yagar, from It's Bill O' Reilly.
|That'll be punishment enough.
I'm gonna get Seth.
- always complaining.
|May I remind you All right.
I know I sent you off|to start serving time You've gotta be kidding me.
I'm starting to get the hang|of this physics thing.
Objects in motion stay in motion.
|Yeah.
Oh, my God.
We can't leave the boys alone.
|We have to cancel.
We deserve this weekend.
After the lecture I gave Seth he won't open another window again,|much less climb out of one.
Seth? I'm more preoccupied|with Ryan and my sister.
Well, I understand, but we cannot|fight a war on multiple fronts.
Have we learned nothing from the Nazis? - Good morning.
|- Morning.
- Who wants blueberry pancakes?|- Banana? Or, if you're feeling sinful,|chocolate chip.
- Not gonna happen.
Nice try.
|- Too little, too late.
No.
- I wanted to tell you about Lindsay.
|- You were too busy studying.
I saw.
Ouch.
Tag out.
Okay, Dad, first of all,|I'm really sorry and I know you're|not gonna believe this- You were doing chin-ups|on the windowsill, right? He's good.
Tag in.
You trusted us.
We lied to you.
|There's no excuse.
Whatever punishment you decide on,|we're fine with.
You have no idea|how badly you screwed up.
No more apologies.
No more pancakes.
|You come straight home after school.
Yeah, but about the pancakes.
|We still have a batch going.
- We can't leave them alone.
|- So we get punished too? Give me the day to deal with this.
|Put bars on the window.
- I'll find out what's really going on.
|- I found out enough last night.
Honey, we are gonna celebrate|our anniversary.
And the kids are not getting in the way.
- Marissa, honey, wait, please.
|- I'm late for school.
Just wanted to remind you|about the photo shoot.
- Great.
Still not coming.
|- Marissa, honey Look, I know things haven't been|very easy around here everything with Caleb,|and your father leaving.
But this is the only family we have.
|I really want it to work.
And not just for the photo shoot.
Maybe we should take that trip|to Puerto Vallarta.
- You're bribing me?|- Does that mean you'll be there? You know what, sure.
|I'll even bring DJ.
Marissa, he's not even|our yard guy anymore.
- This is a portrait of our lives.
|- DJ is a part of my life.
I'll see if he's free,|and we'll get back to you.
I am so sorry I ran away.
I should've stayed and apologized.
Be happy you took off.
|Besides, it's my fault anyway.
I kind of knew we weren't gonna study.
Yeah, well, we both knew|we weren't going to study.
You, at least, had honorable intentions.
- Towards Kirsten, not me.
|- Right.
Well, at least she knows, right? Probably just needs a little time|to get used to it.
How much time are we talking about? I'll talk to her.
|I need to talk to her.
- I mean, after all, we're sisters.
|- Yeah.
That's kind of the problem.
Hey, look, the manager's not here now,|but he has all the permits, so I'm not the cops.
Much worse.
I'm Seth's dad.
That is worse.
I came to apologize for keeping Seth|from sneaking out to see you last night.
Terrible thing,|leaving you hanging like that.
You want me to stop seeing him,|don't you? Yeah.
But seeing how he's a teenage boy and you've got tattoos|and run a rock 'n' roll club - I'm not expecting any miracles.
|- What's this, a warning? You're a little edgy around figures|of authority, aren't you? Hey, there's no bar nuts.
What kind of joint is this? I'll get right on it.
You're a bartender.
You listen to people's problems.
|Hear mine.
This is my 20th anniversary.
Or it's supposed to be.
|It's not going so well.
Now my wife is convinced|she can't leave Seth alone.
- You need me to babysit?|- Cute.
You think I'm corrupting him.
I think you're a smart girl.
And I think he'll listen to you more than to his parents|right now.
No dad has ever asked me|to straighten out his son before.
I don't like going behind his back but I sometimes|in order to be a good dad you gotta be a bad guy.
Don't have much experience|with good dads.
Hey, listen.
|You stop in at the house anytime.
Kirsten and I will be very happy|to ground you too.
Hi.
- Hello.
|- Hey.
So I have been thinking.
Maybe we could do something tonight just you and I, alone.
I've gotta pick up my sister|from the airport tonight.
- Why? Is she handicapped or something?|- No.
She's just She's been out of the country.
|I haven't seen her for a year.
Got it.
Well, anyways, we've been dating|for a few months now and I really like you.
- Cool.
I like you too.
|- Cool.
Well, I was thinking maybe|we could take this to the next step.
You're totally right.
|I've been thinking about it a while.
- I just didn't want to rush.
|- Let's rush.
Okay, then.
This weekend? This weekend is perfect.
Good.
I'll let my parents know.
You really keep|your parents informed, huh? If they're going to be meeting my|girlfriend, they should probably know.
And this works perfectly|with Abigail being back in town.
So, like, lunch tomorrow? Great.
This is gonna be great.
That's nice.
Hello.
I'm here for my after-school tutorial|in the art of getting it on.
Is this the advanced class? I don't feel good.
All right.
Well, maybe my magic hands|can be of service.
- What are we doing?|- I call this "prepping the oven.
" No, what are we doing|in the larger sense? Did something happen? Your parents are worried about you.
My parents? How would you|even know about? Did my dad come by the club? Your dad stopped by the club.
That's embarrassing.
I've never listened to my own parents.
|I feel compelled to listen to yours.
Sandy Cohen has that effect on people.
- So you're gonna need some space.
|- I'm gonna need some space.
Yep.
And probably a little time.
Definitely some time.
- I'm sorry.
|- Cool.
But tell your parents happy anniversary.
The car's got a full tank of gas,|and tomorrow we can head right down.
- You can't be serious.
|- The boys will be fine at Caleb's.
I talked to Seth's girlfriend.
She's a character,|but seems like a good kid.
Is that why Seth isn't home yet? I'm not letting the boys stay with Julie,|but they can't be alone.
Honey, they're teenagers,|they like girls.
One of which happens to be my sister.
- So what? We're gonna forbid him?|- Not you.
You wouldn't forbid anything.
You're too busy being their friend.
|I have to enforce the rules.
I've never done more grounding|than in the last 24 hours.
- Who let Seth run away?|- We're talking about this now? - Who told him he could stay?|- Good thing I did.
If you dragged him home,|we could've lost him.
He thinks he can do|whatever he wants and you'll keep me|from coming down on him.
You think somebody can stop you|from coming down on somebody? Right.
And I should find it adorable|that you forgot our anniversary.
Could we please talk about this later? We have all weekend.
|I canceled the reservations.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
|Come on, come on.
Let's do this thing.
So, what's going on with you, huh? Where'd this Bizarro Seth come from? Nice comic book reference.
Please.
So You spent the night at this girl's house.
Are you-? Are you having sex? Don't worry about that|ever happening now that you showed up at the club|and worked your magic.
I'm sorry, but you left me no choice.
- What did we do? Are you angry at us?|- No.
Then it's about the girl? You know, whenever I'm around her I feel like I constantly have to prove|to her that I deserve to be around her.
Even if it's at the expense|of your parents' relationship? Hey.
Come on in here, join the party.
So the last time|I checked in with you you and Lindsay were headed|into the friend zone.
We were.
- You lied to us.
|- I know and I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm afraid it's a little|late for apologies from any of us.
My wedding anniversary weekend|is officially ruined.
How can we help? - Hey.
|- Hey.
I called your house,|and Sandy said you might be here.
- I had some work to finish.
|- Right.
Right.
I'm sorry.
Ryan and I started seeing each other|before I found out about everything and then it all happened so fast,|and it was a lot.
I never wanted to upset you.
I know.
And I probably overreacted.
No, it was embarrassing.
Lindsay maybe you and I need|to take some time.
Accepting Ryan into my home as my son|was a huge deal for me and taking you in as my sister,|which I am thrilled about it's just complicated.
So you don't want me seeing Ryan? I would never say that.
While you're seeing him,|we should take a step back.
A step back? So does that mean|we're, like, cousins now? Maybe we should be friends.
Friends.
Great.
Bye.
I'm not nervous,|so you're not nervous, right? I'm so not nervous.
Dads love me.
Oh, my dad couldn't make it.
He got held up in D.
C.
|on some assault weapons ban.
Hey, Mom.
Abbie.
- How are you?|- Good.
This is Summer.
Pleasure to meet you.
|Zach's told us about you.
- All lies, I'm sure.
|- Hi.
- All I was trying to say, Mother-|- Abbie, this isn't the time.
- Summer wouldn't be interested.
|- No.
Summer's interested.
Please, whatever you were|chatting about, continue.
I was saying what's happening|in Kashmir shows us how countries can- I know!|Pashminas this season were so cute.
I don't go anywhere|without my cashmere purse.
Summer, they're No, "Kashmir," as in the disputed region|between India and Pakistan.
They've fought three wars over it.
Yes.
Yes, totally.
Kashmir.
|Yeah, I agree.
- Agree with what?|- What? What she means, dear,|is what do you agree with? Do you think the Indians cede Kashmir|to the Pakistanis or should it remain|an independent state? Yeah, tough call.
Two sides to every story.
You know, you are just so tan.
Zach tells me you studied abroad.
In St.
Bart's, perhaps?|The Four Seasons there is amazing.
I was building an irrigation system|in a village in southern India.
Maybe we should order.
Lovely.
This is your concept of time and space? Don't flatter yourself.
|I'm here on official business.
And what business would that be? - I would like my job back.
|- No.
Listen, the folks,|they're a little bit mad at me.
Needless to say,|my allowance has been impacted.
I don't want to tighten my belt.
Don't wanna give up the vacation homes,|the Porsche, the grotto.
You're really tugging|at my heartstrings here.
- I get why you're upset.
|- No, I think you don't.
- My dad broke up with you for me?|- Okay, now I know you don't.
- You don't realize how lucky you are.
|- That my dad showed up, humiliated me? That he showed up, that he cares,|that there's something wrong and his first reaction isn't just|to throw you out of the house.
It still pays minimum wage.
You know where the bathrooms are.
Are there any other perks? What's the point, Seth? It's not like they're ever gonna|approve of me.
Well, maybe there's a way|we can show them you're not so bad.
Smile.
What is taking so long?|He's not painting our portrait.
My face will freeze in this position|unless you push the button.
Cal, this photograph will be seen|by everyone in Newport Beach.
- You don't want frown lines.
|- Okay, if you can all smile.
I am smiling, damn it.
Wait a second.
- Hey.
|- I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, my God.
He's come to mow the lawn?|Can't he reschedule? - I'll handle this.
|- Handle what? Tell him to come back tomorrow.
|And check for poison oak! - What is he doing here?|- You said she was cool with this.
You must be joking.
Either DJ's in the photo, or I'm out.
|It's up to you.
I'll save you the hard choice.
|I'm leaving.
- Works for me.
|- Thanks a lot.
You can forget your photo shoot.
|DJ, wait! No, I'll go.
If having him here|means we get our picture taken - I'll bring him back.
|- Like he'll listen to you.
Considering I'm not the one|who lied to him I think I have a better shot than you.
DJ, wait up.
What, you need|some hedges trimmed? Don't be so self-deprecating.
Thank you for not causing|more of a scene back there.
Save the act, Mrs.
Cooper.
|I know you hate me being with Marissa.
It's Mrs.
Cooper-Nichol,|and you're damn right I do.
The "Nichol" allows me to write you a|check with a few zeroes on the end of it.
What are you talking about? Five grand never to see|my daughter again.
How do you spell your last name?|Never mind.
You can fill that part out.
You're unbelievable.
I'm doing you a favor, honey.
You and I both know Marissa's using you|to get back at me.
What do you think today|was about? Only seems fair you should get|something out of this relationship too.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
What's going on? - Okay, you tell me your news.
|- Yeah? Because then I have some.
- Yeah? You wanna go first?|- No.
You picked this very important meeting|at the pier, so you get the honors.
All right.
It's just us.
This.
It's causing problems|for Kirsten and Sandy, and And I just can't do that to them.
|I owe them too much, you know.
I just think we should|just take some time space, for a while.
Be friends.
Great.
Two hours ago, I had a sister|and a boyfriend and now all I have are friends.
Wait.
What? Before I came here, I talked to Kirsten,|and she asked me without asking me to choose between a sister|and a boyfriend.
And, genius that I am I chose you.
Had I known that you had|this whole time-space plan I might've chosen differently.
- I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
|- Yeah, you're sorry.
Cool, because that really fixes|absolutely nothing.
I gotta go.
There she is.
All day, I've been looking|for this beautiful woman.
- Happy anniversary.
|- Happy anniversary.
- Come on.
Let's go.
Let's get ready.
|- Get ready for what? It's our 20th anniversary,|and I'm taking you to The Arches.
- You got to be kidding.
|- I know you're worried.
Never fear.
|I've hired some babysitters.
Fellas! Joe! Tim! Two of Orange's finest.
Friends since I worked|the PD's office.
Evening, Mrs.
Cohen.
|Your boys will be safe with us.
Happy anniversary.
The rib-eye is excellent.
- How's your turbot?|- Fine.
Just fine? Too fishy? - Send it back if you want.
Send it back.
|- Sandy.
All right.
I'm sorry.
All I wanted|was to give you a special evening.
And some turbot that wasn't too fishy.
I know.
I'm sorry I brought up Portland|last night.
That wasn't your fault.
It's just Seth is growing up|so fast and I don't want to lose him.
Let's stop apologizing, okay.
|Let's just enjoy ourselves.
Look on the bright side.
We got all this out of our system|before Valentine's Day.
- Oh, no.
|- Oh, God.
Don't know how they did it, Sandy.
We went outside for a second,|they were gone.
Check.
The farmer's union has not yet|responded to Chirac's remarks but a spokesperson said he expects|a statement later this week.
I cannot believe what Chirac|said to the farmer's union.
You go, Jacques.
" The Economist"? " The Nation"?|" The New Republic"? - Okay, what are you doing?|- I'm informing myself, Coop.
It's impossible.
|There is so much news.
You know, the worst part is,|it is constantly changing.
If everything could just stop for, like,|one day, maybe I could catch up.
Just call him back.
He's left you|four messages since lunch.
If Zach wants to dump me,|he can do it in person.
At least Zach's calling you.
I haven't heard from DJ|since the photo-shoot incident.
- Since your mother spoke to him?|- Exactly, and who knows what she said.
I left him a message to meet us.
|I'm really getting worried.
Well, I'm past the point of worrying.
|I'm resigned to my fate.
It can't have been that bad.
Remember how lunch went with|my dad and Cohen? Compared to my performance today,|Cohen was like Kofi Annan.
- Who's Kofi Annan?|- Some guy Zach's mom knows.
I think he works for United Airlines.
Can't believe you talked me|into leaving.
Excuse me for wanting to celebrate|my 20th anniversary.
- How do you know where they are?|- A hunch.
Let's pick it up.
You got it, Sandy.
Thanks, Tim.
Everything they said to us, feeling sorry,|wanting to reform, all lies.
No more Mr.
Nice Guy.
So now you admit|that you were Mr.
Nice Guy.
Don't make this about me.
|We show a united front.
We show no mercy.
If he wants bad, I can be bad.
But first Surprise! - You planned all this?|- Well, I prefer the term "orchestrated.
" So we're here tonight to celebrate the|marriage of Sandy and Kirsten Cohen.
And we all owe them|so much, I think because if they never married,|they wouldn't have had me and think of what you|would be missing out on.
- Now-|- That's touching.
So we'd like to take a moment|and say thanks for everything.
And apologize for everything,|because here's the thing: The fact that your marriage|can survive the two of us is truly inspiring.
It gets me here.
- To Sandy and Kirsten.
|- Hear! Hear! So now for the evening's|main attraction.
I don't know how many of you people|know this, but back in the day Sandy Cohen could cut|a pretty sweet tune.
In fact, he actually was|Danny Zuko in the UC Berkeley production|of Grease.
You're not going up there.
Baby, I'm gone.
So now, appearing live at the Bait Shop,|one night only Sandy Cohen and the News.
Well, first all, before we start,|I want to thank my kids, Seth and Ryan.
And a new friend of the family, without|whom none of this would be possible I want to thank Alex.
Well, I guess we ought to start, fellas.
I'd like to dedicate this song|to the love of my life and I hope maybe in another 20 years|she might forgive me for this.
There you are.
I'm reading about these attacks|on the Hungarian minority in Serbia.
I think I know what's going on here.
What? That you are|breaking up with me because you and your family|think I'm an idiot.
Summer, there's lots of ways|to be smart.
It's not just about knowing|Kuala Lumpur's the capital of Indonesia.
And I like you because you're different|from my family.
Then you must like me a whole lot.
Yeah.
I do.
Just so you know,|Jakarta's the capitol of Indonesia.
Marissa, look, I know why you're down,|but the truth is, you are better off.
What are you talking about?|You don't know.
I know that I offered him $5000,|as a test, to stay away and he took it.
I just think you should know|what he's really like, honey.
- I'm really sorry that I freaked out.
|- We should have told you.
It's a difficult situation.
|I barely understand it myself.
Look, she's great, and I like her but more than anything,|you two should be friends.
We will.
But right now I think|you two should go and dance.
I wasn't gonna come,|but Seth called me and I'm glad you did.
I'm sorry about before.
|I'm over the time-space plan.
That's a bad, bad plan.
What about? She She wanted me to ask you if you wanted to dance with me.
- He sounds good.
|- You know you've created a monster.
Yeah, I do.
So there's somebody|I want you to meet.
- Hi.
I'm Kirsten.
|- Alex.
- Thank you so much for the party.
|- No problem.
- This is the least I could do.
|- That's true.
- Lovely tattoo.
|- Thank you.
Your husband rocks, by the way.
|I mean, wow.
Yeah, please don't tell him that.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
Where have you been? - I've been calling you all day.
|- I know.
I've been thinking and I can't do this anymore.
|I'm sorry.
So you took the money.
No.
But that doesn't change anything.
I know you're upset,|but, please, don't let my mom be the- This isn't about your mom.
|You can't blame her for everything.
But it's her fault.
|If she wasn't against us- Then you probably wouldn't have|dated me in the first place.
I'm not saying you didn't like me,|just not as much as you hate her.
- I'm sorry.
|- Why? We had fun.
She left it blank.
So why don't you go|on a shopping spree on her? - You take care, okay?|- Yeah, you too.
C.
: I don't want this to be|like kissing your sister.
- Kirsten doesn't know, right?|- She thinks we' re friends.
I know you' re not on the market for any|new relatives, how about a friend? I did a musical or two myself in college.
Stop him before he starts|singing "Greased Lightnin'.
" - Are you drunk?|- She was like this when I picked her up.
- You don't have to defend yourself to her.
|- But you do, young lady.
- I need to go see a girl.
|- The girl who thinks you're too nice? - You stole a car?|- Yep.
I do it for kicks.
- Are you trying to impress me?|- What? You're a good guy.
|That's why I like you.
Cohen residence.
Ryan.
Hey, good.
|I was hoping you'd answer.
- If you' re alone, cough twice.
|- I'm alone.
- Not as stealth, but it works.
|- Where are you? Remember when I said|I was going to bed? - Didn't happen?|- No, it did.
Just not in my bed.
|But I did bring my favorite pillow.
You know, the really fluffy one? You don't wanna stick around|for a little home schooling? - Maybe I do.
|- Seth, your parents are awake.
- That's why I need you to cover me.
|- Let me think about that.
- No.
|- Ryan.
Think of my parents for a second.
They don't wanna know|I spent all night with a lady.
It's only gonna hurt them.
|You know how fragile they are.
Okay? Thank you.
- Hello.
|- Well, top of the morning to you too.
Happy anniversary.
Yeah.
Happy anniversary to you as well.
- I love you.
|- I love you too.
I love you more now|than I did 19 years ago.
You mean you love me more now than|you did the year after we got married? No.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
No, you know what I'm saying.
That newlywed year,|that doesn't count.
That's a given.
You don't know|how long we've been married.
No, no.
I was kidding you.
|I know it's our 20th.
How could I forget?|Who forgets their 20th anniversary? Apparently, you.
No, not me.
If I had thought this was|our 19th anniversary I would not have planned a celebration|only worthy of a 20th.
- You planned something?|- Yeah.
It's gonna be awesome.
I gotta go.
Hey, need a ride to school,|like, this second? - No, thanks.
Taking my bike.
See you.
|- Do not leave me.
Not now.
Where the hell is Seth?|I need reinforcements.
- Seth left early for school.
|- He did? He never leaves early for school.
Yeah, he had a report to finish, I think.
- A report.
About what?|- The history of agriculture in California.
- That's specific.
|- Yep.
- Happy anniversary.
|- Hey, kid.
I was a public defender|for many years.
I've been lied to by the best.
He snuck out to see his girlfriend,|didn't he? No, he didn't.
The history of agriculture|in California? The key to lying is to be vague.
|Have I taught you nothing? Look, I'm not a good liar.
In hiding your relationship with Lindsay,|you seem to not have such a problem.
We're both in trouble now.
Yeah.
I feel bad about it,|but you kind of deserve it after that.
Okay.
You know what?|Find someone else to cover for you.
Cover for me?|Let me tell you something.
If we were buddy cops,|and I like to think that we are I'd be riddled with bullets now.
- Hey, guys.
|- Hey.
- You read the new Whedon X-Men?|- I did.
I'll tell you my problems with it.
Too early for comic book talk.
|Are you getting a coffee? Yeah.
I'm getting two.
Thank you, sweetie.
Isn't it interesting how Summer is|drawn to the lovers of comic books? Yes, Cohen, Zach does|read comic books.
But Zach also plays water polo and looks like the guy|in the Abercrombie ad.
You read comic books and you wear|the same clothes that you slept in.
Excuse me.
|I did not sleep in these clothes.
Okay, so putting on the same|skeezy shirt from yesterday is a choice.
No, it was just all I had.
Did you shack at your girlfriend's and do the walk of shame|to school this morning? You shacked at Alex's?|You guys are shacking? - The washing machine broke.
|- No offense, but you're a bad liar.
It's cool, you guys.
|I don't care or anything.
No, hey.
I know.
Here you go.
You know, I can't drink coffee this early.
|It just, like, makes me nauseous.
Sorry.
We shoot this way, we get the house.
If we shoot the reverse,|we get the pool and ocean so Square footage or spectacular views?|Cal? This photo shoot is important.
|You could at least feign interest.
Which is exactly what I'm doing.
- I need money.
|- Well, good morning to you too.
Riviera Magazine wants to do|a big photo spread on us.
It's a great opportunity to demonstrate|our family's strength and resilience.
It's wonderful exposure.
Any chance to expose yourself, huh? Promise you'll be here,|wear something Marc Jacobs - and won't be off with your boyfriend.
|- So I can pretend we're happy? - Then I can't give you any money.
|- For the love of God.
Thank you.
- Great.
Way to undercut my power.
|- I happen to agree with her.
We are far from the perfect family, and|I see no point in lying about it publicly.
Thing is, even if I wanted|to lie about it, I can't.
I can't lie.
What do you mean?|You have a moral objection? No.
I mean, I can't do it.
|I suck at it.
Like the whole time you tried to pretend|like you didn't really like me? - Yeah, I didn't buy that for a second.
|- Yeah.
Thanks.
It's a matter of time|before Kirsten catches on.
She's already pretty mad|at Seth and Sandy.
Well, we'll tell her.
Could we wait a little bit? Kirsten and I had plans|to go to the swap meet then maybe check out,|you know, Shakespeare by the Sea.
The point is, we're still|getting to know each other.
I know.
I just don't want|to have to lie about us.
I don't want you to have to either.
|Believe me.
I could still come over tonight|and say we're going to study.
- And really study.
|- Okay, yeah.
Sounds good.
We'll tell them soon.
I promise.
Thank you.
|That sounds wonderful.
No.
We'll see you then.
All right, it was gonna be a surprise but seeing how this is|our 20th anniversary, I gotta tell you.
This weekend, I am taking you,|my beautiful bride of 20 years to the fabulous|Montage Hotel and Resort in breathtaking Laguna Beach.
The Montage gave you a reservation|at the last minute? Last minute? What, the phone call?|No.
That was me reconfirming.
Making sure they didn't|give away our suite that I booked|so many weeks in advance.
Whenever you made the reservation we shouldn't leave Seth alone|right now.
Seth isn't gonna be a problem|after I'm done disciplining him.
Fear of God, honey.
You'll see.
Start packing your bags.
Seth Ezekiel! Kitchen! Now! And bring Mr.
History of Agriculture|with you.
So, what do you have|to say for yourself? I'm sorry.
And also, it was an accident.
|It was not intentional.
We were watching TV|and we fell asleep like Mom does|when we put on a movie.
I do not.
|I'm just resting my eyes.
You're both grounded.
No going out.
|No phones.
No TV.
No video games.
Don't be a smartass.
Do you know what this weekend is? Sure, it's your 20th anniversary.
That's right, it is.
And I have been looking forward|to this weekend for quite a while.
Look, we want to go away|for the weekend.
And if we can't trust you, you'll have|to stay with your grandfather which means spending the weekend|with Julie Cooper.
- No more lying.
|- Trust us.
Good.
Now, go do your homework.
Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts|of children everywhere.
Very impressive.
So shall I schedule a couple's massage? Do you know what the gender|for maison is? - What?|- Maison? Our French homework? Right.
French.
Half of Orange County speaks Spanish,|we're learning how to order baguettes.
- Okay, someone's in a mood.
|- No, I'm not.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
|I was supposed to have sex first.
- What are you talking about?|- Cohen spent the night at his girlfriend's.
- They're obviously doing it.
|- That's got nothing to do with you.
But I thought I'd have sex first|and he'd catch syphilis in a public toilet.
You can't rush it.
|You have to wait till you're ready.
You know what, Coop?|You are right.
You wanna know what I just realized? That Zach and I are ready.
|Man, are we ready.
- Maybe we should take a break.
|- What's French for "let's have sex"? Something or other.
I mean, why don't they ever teach us|anything we can use? - So this is you grounded.
|- I'm surprised they even let you in.
Well, I promised them|we were here to study.
- Which we're here to do.
|- Right, right.
Study.
Got it.
Yep.
Study.
So look, not that we were wrong|to punish them, but, you know maybe we're handling this|in the wrong way.
Post-grounding guilt? You're such a convincing hardass.
|But deep down you're such a softy.
If all we do is send them to their rooms|to do homework - what are they gonna learn?|- Their homework.
Well, if, as parents, we're supposed|to be setting a good example how can we if they're not|in the same room with us? - You want to cancel this weekend?|- We could log some parent-child time.
- Watching TV?|- Why not? - with my guest, Mike Yagar, from It's Bill O' Reilly.
|That'll be punishment enough.
I'm gonna get Seth.
- always complaining.
|May I remind you All right.
I know I sent you off|to start serving time You've gotta be kidding me.
I'm starting to get the hang|of this physics thing.
Objects in motion stay in motion.
|Yeah.
Oh, my God.
We can't leave the boys alone.
|We have to cancel.
We deserve this weekend.
After the lecture I gave Seth he won't open another window again,|much less climb out of one.
Seth? I'm more preoccupied|with Ryan and my sister.
Well, I understand, but we cannot|fight a war on multiple fronts.
Have we learned nothing from the Nazis? - Good morning.
|- Morning.
- Who wants blueberry pancakes?|- Banana? Or, if you're feeling sinful,|chocolate chip.
- Not gonna happen.
Nice try.
|- Too little, too late.
No.
- I wanted to tell you about Lindsay.
|- You were too busy studying.
I saw.
Ouch.
Tag out.
Okay, Dad, first of all,|I'm really sorry and I know you're|not gonna believe this- You were doing chin-ups|on the windowsill, right? He's good.
Tag in.
You trusted us.
We lied to you.
|There's no excuse.
Whatever punishment you decide on,|we're fine with.
You have no idea|how badly you screwed up.
No more apologies.
No more pancakes.
|You come straight home after school.
Yeah, but about the pancakes.
|We still have a batch going.
- We can't leave them alone.
|- So we get punished too? Give me the day to deal with this.
|Put bars on the window.
- I'll find out what's really going on.
|- I found out enough last night.
Honey, we are gonna celebrate|our anniversary.
And the kids are not getting in the way.
- Marissa, honey, wait, please.
|- I'm late for school.
Just wanted to remind you|about the photo shoot.
- Great.
Still not coming.
|- Marissa, honey Look, I know things haven't been|very easy around here everything with Caleb,|and your father leaving.
But this is the only family we have.
|I really want it to work.
And not just for the photo shoot.
Maybe we should take that trip|to Puerto Vallarta.
- You're bribing me?|- Does that mean you'll be there? You know what, sure.
|I'll even bring DJ.
Marissa, he's not even|our yard guy anymore.
- This is a portrait of our lives.
|- DJ is a part of my life.
I'll see if he's free,|and we'll get back to you.
I am so sorry I ran away.
I should've stayed and apologized.
Be happy you took off.
|Besides, it's my fault anyway.
I kind of knew we weren't gonna study.
Yeah, well, we both knew|we weren't going to study.
You, at least, had honorable intentions.
- Towards Kirsten, not me.
|- Right.
Well, at least she knows, right? Probably just needs a little time|to get used to it.
How much time are we talking about? I'll talk to her.
|I need to talk to her.
- I mean, after all, we're sisters.
|- Yeah.
That's kind of the problem.
Hey, look, the manager's not here now,|but he has all the permits, so I'm not the cops.
Much worse.
I'm Seth's dad.
That is worse.
I came to apologize for keeping Seth|from sneaking out to see you last night.
Terrible thing,|leaving you hanging like that.
You want me to stop seeing him,|don't you? Yeah.
But seeing how he's a teenage boy and you've got tattoos|and run a rock 'n' roll club - I'm not expecting any miracles.
|- What's this, a warning? You're a little edgy around figures|of authority, aren't you? Hey, there's no bar nuts.
What kind of joint is this? I'll get right on it.
You're a bartender.
You listen to people's problems.
|Hear mine.
This is my 20th anniversary.
Or it's supposed to be.
|It's not going so well.
Now my wife is convinced|she can't leave Seth alone.
- You need me to babysit?|- Cute.
You think I'm corrupting him.
I think you're a smart girl.
And I think he'll listen to you more than to his parents|right now.
No dad has ever asked me|to straighten out his son before.
I don't like going behind his back but I sometimes|in order to be a good dad you gotta be a bad guy.
Don't have much experience|with good dads.
Hey, listen.
|You stop in at the house anytime.
Kirsten and I will be very happy|to ground you too.
Hi.
- Hello.
|- Hey.
So I have been thinking.
Maybe we could do something tonight just you and I, alone.
I've gotta pick up my sister|from the airport tonight.
- Why? Is she handicapped or something?|- No.
She's just She's been out of the country.
|I haven't seen her for a year.
Got it.
Well, anyways, we've been dating|for a few months now and I really like you.
- Cool.
I like you too.
|- Cool.
Well, I was thinking maybe|we could take this to the next step.
You're totally right.
|I've been thinking about it a while.
- I just didn't want to rush.
|- Let's rush.
Okay, then.
This weekend? This weekend is perfect.
Good.
I'll let my parents know.
You really keep|your parents informed, huh? If they're going to be meeting my|girlfriend, they should probably know.
And this works perfectly|with Abigail being back in town.
So, like, lunch tomorrow? Great.
This is gonna be great.
That's nice.
Hello.
I'm here for my after-school tutorial|in the art of getting it on.
Is this the advanced class? I don't feel good.
All right.
Well, maybe my magic hands|can be of service.
- What are we doing?|- I call this "prepping the oven.
" No, what are we doing|in the larger sense? Did something happen? Your parents are worried about you.
My parents? How would you|even know about? Did my dad come by the club? Your dad stopped by the club.
That's embarrassing.
I've never listened to my own parents.
|I feel compelled to listen to yours.
Sandy Cohen has that effect on people.
- So you're gonna need some space.
|- I'm gonna need some space.
Yep.
And probably a little time.
Definitely some time.
- I'm sorry.
|- Cool.
But tell your parents happy anniversary.
The car's got a full tank of gas,|and tomorrow we can head right down.
- You can't be serious.
|- The boys will be fine at Caleb's.
I talked to Seth's girlfriend.
She's a character,|but seems like a good kid.
Is that why Seth isn't home yet? I'm not letting the boys stay with Julie,|but they can't be alone.
Honey, they're teenagers,|they like girls.
One of which happens to be my sister.
- So what? We're gonna forbid him?|- Not you.
You wouldn't forbid anything.
You're too busy being their friend.
|I have to enforce the rules.
I've never done more grounding|than in the last 24 hours.
- Who let Seth run away?|- We're talking about this now? - Who told him he could stay?|- Good thing I did.
If you dragged him home,|we could've lost him.
He thinks he can do|whatever he wants and you'll keep me|from coming down on him.
You think somebody can stop you|from coming down on somebody? Right.
And I should find it adorable|that you forgot our anniversary.
Could we please talk about this later? We have all weekend.
|I canceled the reservations.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
|Come on, come on.
Let's do this thing.
So, what's going on with you, huh? Where'd this Bizarro Seth come from? Nice comic book reference.
Please.
So You spent the night at this girl's house.
Are you-? Are you having sex? Don't worry about that|ever happening now that you showed up at the club|and worked your magic.
I'm sorry, but you left me no choice.
- What did we do? Are you angry at us?|- No.
Then it's about the girl? You know, whenever I'm around her I feel like I constantly have to prove|to her that I deserve to be around her.
Even if it's at the expense|of your parents' relationship? Hey.
Come on in here, join the party.
So the last time|I checked in with you you and Lindsay were headed|into the friend zone.
We were.
- You lied to us.
|- I know and I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm afraid it's a little|late for apologies from any of us.
My wedding anniversary weekend|is officially ruined.
How can we help? - Hey.
|- Hey.
I called your house,|and Sandy said you might be here.
- I had some work to finish.
|- Right.
Right.
I'm sorry.
Ryan and I started seeing each other|before I found out about everything and then it all happened so fast,|and it was a lot.
I never wanted to upset you.
I know.
And I probably overreacted.
No, it was embarrassing.
Lindsay maybe you and I need|to take some time.
Accepting Ryan into my home as my son|was a huge deal for me and taking you in as my sister,|which I am thrilled about it's just complicated.
So you don't want me seeing Ryan? I would never say that.
While you're seeing him,|we should take a step back.
A step back? So does that mean|we're, like, cousins now? Maybe we should be friends.
Friends.
Great.
Bye.
I'm not nervous,|so you're not nervous, right? I'm so not nervous.
Dads love me.
Oh, my dad couldn't make it.
He got held up in D.
C.
|on some assault weapons ban.
Hey, Mom.
Abbie.
- How are you?|- Good.
This is Summer.
Pleasure to meet you.
|Zach's told us about you.
- All lies, I'm sure.
|- Hi.
- All I was trying to say, Mother-|- Abbie, this isn't the time.
- Summer wouldn't be interested.
|- No.
Summer's interested.
Please, whatever you were|chatting about, continue.
I was saying what's happening|in Kashmir shows us how countries can- I know!|Pashminas this season were so cute.
I don't go anywhere|without my cashmere purse.
Summer, they're No, "Kashmir," as in the disputed region|between India and Pakistan.
They've fought three wars over it.
Yes.
Yes, totally.
Kashmir.
|Yeah, I agree.
- Agree with what?|- What? What she means, dear,|is what do you agree with? Do you think the Indians cede Kashmir|to the Pakistanis or should it remain|an independent state? Yeah, tough call.
Two sides to every story.
You know, you are just so tan.
Zach tells me you studied abroad.
In St.
Bart's, perhaps?|The Four Seasons there is amazing.
I was building an irrigation system|in a village in southern India.
Maybe we should order.
Lovely.
This is your concept of time and space? Don't flatter yourself.
|I'm here on official business.
And what business would that be? - I would like my job back.
|- No.
Listen, the folks,|they're a little bit mad at me.
Needless to say,|my allowance has been impacted.
I don't want to tighten my belt.
Don't wanna give up the vacation homes,|the Porsche, the grotto.
You're really tugging|at my heartstrings here.
- I get why you're upset.
|- No, I think you don't.
- My dad broke up with you for me?|- Okay, now I know you don't.
- You don't realize how lucky you are.
|- That my dad showed up, humiliated me? That he showed up, that he cares,|that there's something wrong and his first reaction isn't just|to throw you out of the house.
It still pays minimum wage.
You know where the bathrooms are.
Are there any other perks? What's the point, Seth? It's not like they're ever gonna|approve of me.
Well, maybe there's a way|we can show them you're not so bad.
Smile.
What is taking so long?|He's not painting our portrait.
My face will freeze in this position|unless you push the button.
Cal, this photograph will be seen|by everyone in Newport Beach.
- You don't want frown lines.
|- Okay, if you can all smile.
I am smiling, damn it.
Wait a second.
- Hey.
|- I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, my God.
He's come to mow the lawn?|Can't he reschedule? - I'll handle this.
|- Handle what? Tell him to come back tomorrow.
|And check for poison oak! - What is he doing here?|- You said she was cool with this.
You must be joking.
Either DJ's in the photo, or I'm out.
|It's up to you.
I'll save you the hard choice.
|I'm leaving.
- Works for me.
|- Thanks a lot.
You can forget your photo shoot.
|DJ, wait! No, I'll go.
If having him here|means we get our picture taken - I'll bring him back.
|- Like he'll listen to you.
Considering I'm not the one|who lied to him I think I have a better shot than you.
DJ, wait up.
What, you need|some hedges trimmed? Don't be so self-deprecating.
Thank you for not causing|more of a scene back there.
Save the act, Mrs.
Cooper.
|I know you hate me being with Marissa.
It's Mrs.
Cooper-Nichol,|and you're damn right I do.
The "Nichol" allows me to write you a|check with a few zeroes on the end of it.
What are you talking about? Five grand never to see|my daughter again.
How do you spell your last name?|Never mind.
You can fill that part out.
You're unbelievable.
I'm doing you a favor, honey.
You and I both know Marissa's using you|to get back at me.
What do you think today|was about? Only seems fair you should get|something out of this relationship too.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
What's going on? - Okay, you tell me your news.
|- Yeah? Because then I have some.
- Yeah? You wanna go first?|- No.
You picked this very important meeting|at the pier, so you get the honors.
All right.
It's just us.
This.
It's causing problems|for Kirsten and Sandy, and And I just can't do that to them.
|I owe them too much, you know.
I just think we should|just take some time space, for a while.
Be friends.
Great.
Two hours ago, I had a sister|and a boyfriend and now all I have are friends.
Wait.
What? Before I came here, I talked to Kirsten,|and she asked me without asking me to choose between a sister|and a boyfriend.
And, genius that I am I chose you.
Had I known that you had|this whole time-space plan I might've chosen differently.
- I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
|- Yeah, you're sorry.
Cool, because that really fixes|absolutely nothing.
I gotta go.
There she is.
All day, I've been looking|for this beautiful woman.
- Happy anniversary.
|- Happy anniversary.
- Come on.
Let's go.
Let's get ready.
|- Get ready for what? It's our 20th anniversary,|and I'm taking you to The Arches.
- You got to be kidding.
|- I know you're worried.
Never fear.
|I've hired some babysitters.
Fellas! Joe! Tim! Two of Orange's finest.
Friends since I worked|the PD's office.
Evening, Mrs.
Cohen.
|Your boys will be safe with us.
Happy anniversary.
The rib-eye is excellent.
- How's your turbot?|- Fine.
Just fine? Too fishy? - Send it back if you want.
Send it back.
|- Sandy.
All right.
I'm sorry.
All I wanted|was to give you a special evening.
And some turbot that wasn't too fishy.
I know.
I'm sorry I brought up Portland|last night.
That wasn't your fault.
It's just Seth is growing up|so fast and I don't want to lose him.
Let's stop apologizing, okay.
|Let's just enjoy ourselves.
Look on the bright side.
We got all this out of our system|before Valentine's Day.
- Oh, no.
|- Oh, God.
Don't know how they did it, Sandy.
We went outside for a second,|they were gone.
Check.
The farmer's union has not yet|responded to Chirac's remarks but a spokesperson said he expects|a statement later this week.
I cannot believe what Chirac|said to the farmer's union.
You go, Jacques.
" The Economist"? " The Nation"?|" The New Republic"? - Okay, what are you doing?|- I'm informing myself, Coop.
It's impossible.
|There is so much news.
You know, the worst part is,|it is constantly changing.
If everything could just stop for, like,|one day, maybe I could catch up.
Just call him back.
He's left you|four messages since lunch.
If Zach wants to dump me,|he can do it in person.
At least Zach's calling you.
I haven't heard from DJ|since the photo-shoot incident.
- Since your mother spoke to him?|- Exactly, and who knows what she said.
I left him a message to meet us.
|I'm really getting worried.
Well, I'm past the point of worrying.
|I'm resigned to my fate.
It can't have been that bad.
Remember how lunch went with|my dad and Cohen? Compared to my performance today,|Cohen was like Kofi Annan.
- Who's Kofi Annan?|- Some guy Zach's mom knows.
I think he works for United Airlines.
Can't believe you talked me|into leaving.
Excuse me for wanting to celebrate|my 20th anniversary.
- How do you know where they are?|- A hunch.
Let's pick it up.
You got it, Sandy.
Thanks, Tim.
Everything they said to us, feeling sorry,|wanting to reform, all lies.
No more Mr.
Nice Guy.
So now you admit|that you were Mr.
Nice Guy.
Don't make this about me.
|We show a united front.
We show no mercy.
If he wants bad, I can be bad.
But first Surprise! - You planned all this?|- Well, I prefer the term "orchestrated.
" So we're here tonight to celebrate the|marriage of Sandy and Kirsten Cohen.
And we all owe them|so much, I think because if they never married,|they wouldn't have had me and think of what you|would be missing out on.
- Now-|- That's touching.
So we'd like to take a moment|and say thanks for everything.
And apologize for everything,|because here's the thing: The fact that your marriage|can survive the two of us is truly inspiring.
It gets me here.
- To Sandy and Kirsten.
|- Hear! Hear! So now for the evening's|main attraction.
I don't know how many of you people|know this, but back in the day Sandy Cohen could cut|a pretty sweet tune.
In fact, he actually was|Danny Zuko in the UC Berkeley production|of Grease.
You're not going up there.
Baby, I'm gone.
So now, appearing live at the Bait Shop,|one night only Sandy Cohen and the News.
Well, first all, before we start,|I want to thank my kids, Seth and Ryan.
And a new friend of the family, without|whom none of this would be possible I want to thank Alex.
Well, I guess we ought to start, fellas.
I'd like to dedicate this song|to the love of my life and I hope maybe in another 20 years|she might forgive me for this.
There you are.
I'm reading about these attacks|on the Hungarian minority in Serbia.
I think I know what's going on here.
What? That you are|breaking up with me because you and your family|think I'm an idiot.
Summer, there's lots of ways|to be smart.
It's not just about knowing|Kuala Lumpur's the capital of Indonesia.
And I like you because you're different|from my family.
Then you must like me a whole lot.
Yeah.
I do.
Just so you know,|Jakarta's the capitol of Indonesia.
Marissa, look, I know why you're down,|but the truth is, you are better off.
What are you talking about?|You don't know.
I know that I offered him $5000,|as a test, to stay away and he took it.
I just think you should know|what he's really like, honey.
- I'm really sorry that I freaked out.
|- We should have told you.
It's a difficult situation.
|I barely understand it myself.
Look, she's great, and I like her but more than anything,|you two should be friends.
We will.
But right now I think|you two should go and dance.
I wasn't gonna come,|but Seth called me and I'm glad you did.
I'm sorry about before.
|I'm over the time-space plan.
That's a bad, bad plan.
What about? She She wanted me to ask you if you wanted to dance with me.
- He sounds good.
|- You know you've created a monster.
Yeah, I do.
So there's somebody|I want you to meet.
- Hi.
I'm Kirsten.
|- Alex.
- Thank you so much for the party.
|- No problem.
- This is the least I could do.
|- That's true.
- Lovely tattoo.
|- Thank you.
Your husband rocks, by the way.
|I mean, wow.
Yeah, please don't tell him that.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
Where have you been? - I've been calling you all day.
|- I know.
I've been thinking and I can't do this anymore.
|I'm sorry.
So you took the money.
No.
But that doesn't change anything.
I know you're upset,|but, please, don't let my mom be the- This isn't about your mom.
|You can't blame her for everything.
But it's her fault.
|If she wasn't against us- Then you probably wouldn't have|dated me in the first place.
I'm not saying you didn't like me,|just not as much as you hate her.
- I'm sorry.
|- Why? We had fun.
She left it blank.
So why don't you go|on a shopping spree on her? - You take care, okay?|- Yeah, you too.