The Proud Family (2001) s02e08 Episode Script
Crouching Trudy, Hidden Penny
(laughter)
I don’t think I want to hang
around here anymore, Mr. Khan.
Ah, you don’t have much
of a choice, Jack Stone.
Look around.
You’re surrounded and outnumbered.
No! You look around,
my out-of-sync friend.
You’re surrounded.
(Khan)
No, you look around.
No, you look around.
-Whoo!
-Go get him, Jack Stone.
Get him, boys!
OK, Khan. If that’s
the way you want it
-(gasps)
-it’s on!
(karate yells)
(all yell together)
Get them, boys!
(girls)
Hey!
And girls.
(yelling)
Yeah!
All right!
Go get them!
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
around you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Yeowch!
(boy) Man, Jack Stone
is the best.
I like the way he went up
the side of that wall.
(grunting)
(laughter)
Hey, yo, Sticky.
They use wires.
No, they don’t. It’s real.
The only thing that’s real
is that lump on the back
of your head.
Ooh, let me kiss it, Sticky,
and make it better.
Well, what do you know?
The fear of your touch
has miraculously healed me.
Hey, y’all, wouldn’t it be
great to fight like Jack Stone?
Well, when you look
like you do, Proud,
you don’t need to fight.
You could just scare
the bad guys away.
(laughter)
That was so funny
I forgot to laugh.
Hey, brudda, check it out.
(Penny) "Parker Lee
Kenpo Karate School."
Hai hai hai
Hey look,
it’s the Chang triplets.
I didn’t know
they studied karate.
Wow.
This guy must really be good.
He trained Mr. T.
You bet he can’t beat
my man, Jack Stone.
Jack Stone is just
a movie star, Sticky.
This guy is the real deal Holyfield.
Well, I want
to know karate.
Let’s go check it out.
Hai hai
(Penny)
Wow.
They look good.
What are they doing?
They look like they doing
The Robot. Hey!
(man)
It’s called a Kata.
It’s like shadow boxing.
Hello, I’m Parker Lee.
I’m the sifu.
Like crabs and shrimp?
Not seafood Sifu.
It means "teacher."
How may I help you.
Well, me and my friends
are interested in
taking karate lessons.
You know (karate yells)
Hmm. Let me guess.
You just saw
Kung-Fu Masters of Harlem.
(all)
Yeah!
You want to do those
nice spinning kicks.
-(yelling)
-Yeah!
You want to be able
to jump in the air
and hover like
a fighting helicopter.
(all)
Yeah!
You want to be able
to walk up walls
and hang from ceilings.
Yo yo!
(all)
Yeah!
Well, you are
in the wrong place.
But if you want
to learn a system
that will unify your mind
and your body and your spirit,
just have your parents
sign these permission forms,
and show up here tomorrow,
ready to train.
Also, bring $125.
It helps unify my mind, body,
spirit, and rent.
Thank you, baby brother ♪
For watching my car ♪
I’m going to be on the road
for a month
and I need somebody
I can trust.
You going on the road
for a month?
Doing what?
Doing what I do best.
Playing and singing
and all the rest ♪
On an oldie-but-goody tour ♪
I know you’re the oldie,
but who’s the goody?
Peaches and Herb.
Herb found a new Peaches.
Ooh, somebody needs
to find a new Herb.
(laughs)
Don’t worry, Bobby.
Your car is in good hands.
(funk music)
Get in, bro.
Let me show you a few things
that will make this car
get up and go, go.
(funk music continues)
Oh!
(laughter)
That was great, Bobby.
Ha! This car should be
the opening act, not you.
Just one more thing
though ♪
Don’t ever touch
this button, Bro ♪
What happens if I touch
this button, Bro?
Daddy, I want to take karate.
You want a Maserati?
I want to take karate classes.
You want karaoke glasses?
No!
Never mind.
(funk music continues)
Hi, Mama, hi, Suga Mama.
Hey, baby. I’m about to
give Puff a haircut.
Take a number. I can straighten
out that kitchen for you.
Ain’t that right, Puff?
Uh, that’s OK, Suga Mama.
I’ll take a pass.
Don’t you think I didn’t
see that, Puff.
(whimpering)
Mom, me and the guys
are thinking about taking karate.
What? You want a Maserati?
No! Suga Mama!
What’s wrong, baby?
Could you turn off the clippers?
I want to tell Mama
about my karate classes.
Huh?
Suga Mama needs glasses?
-No, I want to take karate classes!
-(clippers stop)
Why am I shouting?
And what’s up with Puff?
Oh, he’ll be all right.
Nothing a little talcum powder
and rubbing alcohol won’t solve.
(barking)
What got into him?
Now, what were you saying
about karate classes, baby?
I want to take them.
Now before you say anything, it’s safe,
the class is taught
by the Chang triplet’s uncle,
everybody’s taking it,
and it’s only $125 a month.
Only a $125 a month?
Huh, that’s a lot of money,
young lady.
-(toilet flushes)
-Yeah.
Know what I could buy for $125
back in my day?
A covered wagon, a chariot,
a brontosaurus burger?
(laughs)
Daddy, I need $125
for karate classes.
Penny, you always get
excited about something,
then you give up on it.
You remember the ballet lessons,
the clarinet lessons,
the tennis lessons?
Look, I really want
to learn karate.
I promise I’ll stick with it.
I won’t quit, no matter what.
Please, please, please, please,
please, please, please!
(Lee)
Bend your knees.
Kick out your heels.
Drag step forward.
(all)
Hai!
-Reverse.
-Hai!
Cover.
I’m tired of this.
We’ve been coming here
for two weeks,
and all we’ve been doing
is the electric slide!
Hey, that’s my dance!
Mh-mh.
Back two, three, four.
Oh, turn.
Oh, hey!
Miss Jones,
this is not a Soul Train line.
And you’re definitely
not Shemar Moore.
(laughing)
Ten push-ups for everyone.
(groaning)
(grunting)
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Sifu?
I was wondering, how long
before we can learn
how to do something
other than the two-step?
Yeah, when do we get
to mix it up?
You know, scrap?
It’s important to learn
the fundamentals first.
Well, can’t we put some
"fun" in fundamentals?
Yeah!
(all talking at once)
Silence!
Our Sifu is right.
The basics lay down the foundation
for truly understanding
the fundamental principles
he’s trying to teach us.
Thank you, Zoey.
My pleasure, Sifu.
So how long will it take
before we get our black belts?
You see that white belt
you are wearing?
After years and years
of arduous training,
it will eventually turn
a dingy brown, then gray.
Eventually, in time,
it will become black.
I suggest you not wash it.
(all)
Ew!
Class dismissed!
I don’t know about you guys,
but I just had
my last karate class.
No way am I going
to wear a dirty belt.
Yeah!
I mean, how long will it take
for our belts to turn black?
Judging by that ring
around your collar,
not very long for you, Proud.
You’re lucky, LaCienega.
I’d karate chop you right now
if homeboy had taught us
anything in class.
What’s cracking, y’all?
Dang, Frankie.
Where’d you get the gi, G?
And the black belt, dude.
It’s cool.
Yeah! How did you get
yours so dirty so fast?
Dirty? This is brand new.
I just got it yesterday.
How long have you been
studying?
I said I just got it yesterday.
You got a black belt in one day?
Are you serious?
You have to be serious to get
in the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts.
You take lessons
form Jack Stone?
Kung-Fu Masters of Harlem,
Jack Stone?
Yup. And I’ll be fighting in
my third tournament next week.
But you just started yesterday.
Again
it’s called the Jack Stone
School of Advanced Martial Arts.
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m
signing up with the Jack Stone school,
where the motto is, "You got the
cash, you get the black sash."
(all)
Yeah!
So dysfunctional ♪
Oh ♪
Can you feel it? ♪
Yo, Oscar!
Oscar?
You got anything else
besides this Bobby song?
I checked.
It’s the only record in the car.
What’s this?
Don’t touch that!
-Why?
-I don’t know.
Bobby just said
don’t touch that!
Did he say we had to listen
to him all day?
Turn him off!
I can’t listen
to Funkarelic anymore.
(honking)
Hey, big fella.
I love your music.
Turn it up, baby, turn it up!
(music grows louder)
Look, we’re filming
a Sir Paid-a-Lot video.
Why don’t you guys follow us
and kick it with us on the set?
What did I tell you, Felix?
This car is too good for Bobby.
Well, we would love to follow
you ladies to the
(screaming)
What are you screaming
about, Felix?
You act like you’ve seen a
Wives!
Trudy, what do you expect me to do?
Drive with my eyes closed?
No, but you could at least
drive with them in your head.
Yeah. Instead of like this.
(howls)
(car alarm beeps)
Hi Daddy, Mama, Suga Mama.
-Daddy, could you sign this?
-Sign what?
Mama, could you sign this?
Depends, what is it?
Sign it first, then I’ll tell you.
Now you know that’s not
the way it works, Penny.
OK. I want to transfer
karate schools.
Now before you say anything,
I’m not quitting.
I would just like to further
my martial arts education
elsewhere.
How much is this going
to cost us, Penny?
Not much. Just $250.
$250!
Do you know what I could have bought
with $250 back in my day?
A blind date
with Frederick Douglass?
A fully furnished cave?
Fire? (laughing)
-Forget it, Penny.
-But Mama,
I’m actually saving you money.
At the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts,
you can get your black belt
in one day,
saving me years of agony,
and you hundreds
no, thousands of dollars.
It seems to me you can’t really
become a black belt in one day.
But, Mom, the other
school is boring.
All we do are the basics
over and over again.
-Really?
-Yes!
All he talks about
is discipline and commitment.
And the unity of mind,
body, and spirit.
He does?
Well, that settles it.
You’re staying at
the Parker Lee School.
Mom, did you hear
anything I just said?
Yes, I did, Penny,
and anything worth doing, baby,
is worth doing the right way.
(Oscar)
Trudy! Come here quick!
-Oscar, what is it?
-It’s Bobby’s car.
I left it right here,
and it’s gone!
-Gone where?
-I don’t know.
-You better find my son’s car!
-I’m your son too, Mama.
-Yeah, your favorite son
-The son who lost my favorite son’s car.
(overlapping arguing continues)
(Penny) Wow, they’re getting
to do really cool stuff,
and they’re wearing
really cool gis.
Oh, no!
He’s giving them
their black belts.
Hey, where is everybody?
At the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts.
Why aren’t you there?
The same reason you aren’t.
Parker Lee’s your uncle, too?
No. My mama and daddy wouldn’t
give me the money.
They want me to learn the right way,
the take-all-my-life way.
Uh, Penny.
Everybody with Jack Stone
got their black belt.
We’ve been here two weeks
and we haven’t seen a belt
Penny, no!
Sifu is
No, we’re the fools, see?
Your uncle is playing us.
He’s not teaching us anything.
He’s just
wasting our time ,
and he’s standing
right behind me, isn’t he?
So, you think I am just
wasting your time?
Playing you?
I didn’t mean it exactly
like that, Mr. Sifu, sir.
No need to apologize, Penny.
You’re right,
learning should be fun.
It should?
I mean, yes.
So, today we are going
to switch things up
and start having some fun.
(cheering)
Now put your arms out,
palms up, and close your eyes.
Now open them.
What are these?
Paint brushes and paint.
Now let’s have some fun
and paint the studio.
(all groaning)
Ya!
Ki-ya! Ki ya!
Small circles, Penny.
You’re using too much energy.
Yes, Sifu.
What is he going to do next,
have us wax his car?
Small circles.
Small circles.
Economy of motion, Penny.
Ki-ya!
Very good, Zoey.
Next.
Ki-ya, dude.
Very good, dude.
Next.
Oops. My bad.
Now try it.
Ki ya!
Push, pull ,
push, pull .
Excuse me, Sifu.
When are we going to
learn martial arts?
You are learning martial arts.
Rotational torque
is very important.
Now, keep your elbows in
and bend your knees, Penny.
Push, pull, push, pull ,
push, pull
Now, for today’s lesson ,
we’re going to learn
full-contact stunt fighting.
That’s when you look like you’re
hitting someone but you’re not.
Just watch this tape
of my latest movie ,
Jack Stone’s Fists of Granite,
and imitate everything I do.
(Sticky) Yo, didn’t that movie
come out in the early ’70s?
I said my latest movie.
(karate yells)
Class, may I have your attention.
But, Uncle, we haven’t finished
putting down the new carpet
in your office.
Don’t worry, you will,
and install my new satellite dish,
but before that, we must prepare
for our first tournament.
What is it,
the Handyman Olympics?
No, it’s the Wizard Kelly
Martial Arts Tournament.
Now, what is the key
to winning a tournament?
Beating up your opponent?
No! Never getting hit.
Hit me as hard
as you can.
I don’t want
to hurt you, Sifu.
Don’t worry, you won’t.
Hit me.
OK.
-Ki-ya!
-Again.
-Ki-ya!
-Again.
(karate yells)
(panting)
If your adversary can’t touch you,
he cannot beat you.
So this is what we are going to do
OK, well, good luck, Penny.
You’re gonna need it.
You know you guys are going to win.
You’re all black belts.
Well, look on the bright side.
You’ve got a reddish belt.
That’s from painting the Sifu’s dojo.
Now, smile.
OK, kids, there’s no pressure.
I just want you to go out
there and do your best.
(all)
We will, Father.
So, how are
we feeling, guys?
Not too confident, Sifu.
Good.
That means you have a chance.
All I ask you is do your best,
have some fun
and don’t hurt yourself.
All right, put them in there.
On three
I want you guys to go out there
and kicking butt.
One, two, three!
(all)
Kick butt!
Yay!
(applause)
(laughter)
(grunts)
(crowd laughs)
(grunts)
(crowd oohs and ahs)
That’s right,
look at my baby.
Hi-ya!
(grunts)
-(throbbing)
-Ouch!
And now for the final competition ,
the individual point fighting.
You better watch
your back, Frankie.
Penny got some skills.
How did they get so good?
I mean, we’re dressed
better than they are.
Maybe it’s because they studied
and we took pictures?
I don’t care what it is.
I’m telling you right now ,
no way Frankie is losing to a girl.
I’m a 12th degree black belt.
Shoot, she’s lucky
it ain’t tomorrow,
because then I’ll be
a 13th degree black belt.
Now, remember, Penny,
you cannot lose if you never get hit.
Yes, Sifu.
(applause)
OK, laddies and lassies,
let’s make it a clean bout.
Fighting stance
Begin.
(grunts)
That’s my grand-baby.
Be still and fight like a man
I mean, a girl.
You mean like this?
-Ki ya!
-Point.
Point.
(Frankie)
Ow!
Oh, my head.
(cheering)
That’s my girl.
Here’s to the hardest working
students I have ever had.
And by far, the best painters
this dojo has ever seen.
(cheering)
We are so proud of you, Penny.
Yes, baby girl.
You really proved
what you can do
when you put your mind to it.
Oh, yeah, and most importantly,
you threw down
and you looked good doing it.
I owe it all
to my Sifu, Parker Lee.
Excuse me.
Sifu, thanks for not
giving up on me.
I really appreciate it.
Penny, if I couldn’t
be patient with you
how could I expect you
to be patient with me?
Besides, I needed the 125 bucks
to make my rent.
(both laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
Hey, baby brah.
Bobby, what are you doing here?
Peaches and Herb broke up.
You can’t tour
with just a Herb.
So where’s my car?
I miss her so.
I just want to let
the top down
And go, go,
wind in my afro ♪
Low blow ♪
Oh, your car
Oh, oh, oh
He lost it, Bobby.
It’s nowhere to be found.
Hey, Bobby, I don’t know
what happened.
I parked your car,
turned on the alarm
and the next thing you know,
the baby was gone.
-Did you push the button, bro?
-What button, bro?
The button I told you not to push, bro.
(beep)
Hey, how’d you do that?
If you’d been paying
attention when I mentioned ,
don’t push this button right here
This is my anti-parking ticket device.
Works every time.
Yes, it does.
You might want to put this in the mail
before you go to jail.
(Trudy)
Oscar, the electricity just went out.
Did you mail the bill?
So dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
I’m so dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
I’m so dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
Oh ♪
I don’t think I want to hang
around here anymore, Mr. Khan.
Ah, you don’t have much
of a choice, Jack Stone.
Look around.
You’re surrounded and outnumbered.
No! You look around,
my out-of-sync friend.
You’re surrounded.
(Khan)
No, you look around.
No, you look around.
-Whoo!
-Go get him, Jack Stone.
Get him, boys!
OK, Khan. If that’s
the way you want it
-(gasps)
-it’s on!
(karate yells)
(all yell together)
Get them, boys!
(girls)
Hey!
And girls.
(yelling)
Yeah!
All right!
Go get them!
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
around you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Yeowch!
(boy) Man, Jack Stone
is the best.
I like the way he went up
the side of that wall.
(grunting)
(laughter)
Hey, yo, Sticky.
They use wires.
No, they don’t. It’s real.
The only thing that’s real
is that lump on the back
of your head.
Ooh, let me kiss it, Sticky,
and make it better.
Well, what do you know?
The fear of your touch
has miraculously healed me.
Hey, y’all, wouldn’t it be
great to fight like Jack Stone?
Well, when you look
like you do, Proud,
you don’t need to fight.
You could just scare
the bad guys away.
(laughter)
That was so funny
I forgot to laugh.
Hey, brudda, check it out.
(Penny) "Parker Lee
Kenpo Karate School."
Hai hai hai
Hey look,
it’s the Chang triplets.
I didn’t know
they studied karate.
Wow.
This guy must really be good.
He trained Mr. T.
You bet he can’t beat
my man, Jack Stone.
Jack Stone is just
a movie star, Sticky.
This guy is the real deal Holyfield.
Well, I want
to know karate.
Let’s go check it out.
Hai hai
(Penny)
Wow.
They look good.
What are they doing?
They look like they doing
The Robot. Hey!
(man)
It’s called a Kata.
It’s like shadow boxing.
Hello, I’m Parker Lee.
I’m the sifu.
Like crabs and shrimp?
Not seafood Sifu.
It means "teacher."
How may I help you.
Well, me and my friends
are interested in
taking karate lessons.
You know (karate yells)
Hmm. Let me guess.
You just saw
Kung-Fu Masters of Harlem.
(all)
Yeah!
You want to do those
nice spinning kicks.
-(yelling)
-Yeah!
You want to be able
to jump in the air
and hover like
a fighting helicopter.
(all)
Yeah!
You want to be able
to walk up walls
and hang from ceilings.
Yo yo!
(all)
Yeah!
Well, you are
in the wrong place.
But if you want
to learn a system
that will unify your mind
and your body and your spirit,
just have your parents
sign these permission forms,
and show up here tomorrow,
ready to train.
Also, bring $125.
It helps unify my mind, body,
spirit, and rent.
Thank you, baby brother ♪
For watching my car ♪
I’m going to be on the road
for a month
and I need somebody
I can trust.
You going on the road
for a month?
Doing what?
Doing what I do best.
Playing and singing
and all the rest ♪
On an oldie-but-goody tour ♪
I know you’re the oldie,
but who’s the goody?
Peaches and Herb.
Herb found a new Peaches.
Ooh, somebody needs
to find a new Herb.
(laughs)
Don’t worry, Bobby.
Your car is in good hands.
(funk music)
Get in, bro.
Let me show you a few things
that will make this car
get up and go, go.
(funk music continues)
Oh!
(laughter)
That was great, Bobby.
Ha! This car should be
the opening act, not you.
Just one more thing
though ♪
Don’t ever touch
this button, Bro ♪
What happens if I touch
this button, Bro?
Daddy, I want to take karate.
You want a Maserati?
I want to take karate classes.
You want karaoke glasses?
No!
Never mind.
(funk music continues)
Hi, Mama, hi, Suga Mama.
Hey, baby. I’m about to
give Puff a haircut.
Take a number. I can straighten
out that kitchen for you.
Ain’t that right, Puff?
Uh, that’s OK, Suga Mama.
I’ll take a pass.
Don’t you think I didn’t
see that, Puff.
(whimpering)
Mom, me and the guys
are thinking about taking karate.
What? You want a Maserati?
No! Suga Mama!
What’s wrong, baby?
Could you turn off the clippers?
I want to tell Mama
about my karate classes.
Huh?
Suga Mama needs glasses?
-No, I want to take karate classes!
-(clippers stop)
Why am I shouting?
And what’s up with Puff?
Oh, he’ll be all right.
Nothing a little talcum powder
and rubbing alcohol won’t solve.
(barking)
What got into him?
Now, what were you saying
about karate classes, baby?
I want to take them.
Now before you say anything, it’s safe,
the class is taught
by the Chang triplet’s uncle,
everybody’s taking it,
and it’s only $125 a month.
Only a $125 a month?
Huh, that’s a lot of money,
young lady.
-(toilet flushes)
-Yeah.
Know what I could buy for $125
back in my day?
A covered wagon, a chariot,
a brontosaurus burger?
(laughs)
Daddy, I need $125
for karate classes.
Penny, you always get
excited about something,
then you give up on it.
You remember the ballet lessons,
the clarinet lessons,
the tennis lessons?
Look, I really want
to learn karate.
I promise I’ll stick with it.
I won’t quit, no matter what.
Please, please, please, please,
please, please, please!
(Lee)
Bend your knees.
Kick out your heels.
Drag step forward.
(all)
Hai!
-Reverse.
-Hai!
Cover.
I’m tired of this.
We’ve been coming here
for two weeks,
and all we’ve been doing
is the electric slide!
Hey, that’s my dance!
Mh-mh.
Back two, three, four.
Oh, turn.
Oh, hey!
Miss Jones,
this is not a Soul Train line.
And you’re definitely
not Shemar Moore.
(laughing)
Ten push-ups for everyone.
(groaning)
(grunting)
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Sifu?
I was wondering, how long
before we can learn
how to do something
other than the two-step?
Yeah, when do we get
to mix it up?
You know, scrap?
It’s important to learn
the fundamentals first.
Well, can’t we put some
"fun" in fundamentals?
Yeah!
(all talking at once)
Silence!
Our Sifu is right.
The basics lay down the foundation
for truly understanding
the fundamental principles
he’s trying to teach us.
Thank you, Zoey.
My pleasure, Sifu.
So how long will it take
before we get our black belts?
You see that white belt
you are wearing?
After years and years
of arduous training,
it will eventually turn
a dingy brown, then gray.
Eventually, in time,
it will become black.
I suggest you not wash it.
(all)
Ew!
Class dismissed!
I don’t know about you guys,
but I just had
my last karate class.
No way am I going
to wear a dirty belt.
Yeah!
I mean, how long will it take
for our belts to turn black?
Judging by that ring
around your collar,
not very long for you, Proud.
You’re lucky, LaCienega.
I’d karate chop you right now
if homeboy had taught us
anything in class.
What’s cracking, y’all?
Dang, Frankie.
Where’d you get the gi, G?
And the black belt, dude.
It’s cool.
Yeah! How did you get
yours so dirty so fast?
Dirty? This is brand new.
I just got it yesterday.
How long have you been
studying?
I said I just got it yesterday.
You got a black belt in one day?
Are you serious?
You have to be serious to get
in the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts.
You take lessons
form Jack Stone?
Kung-Fu Masters of Harlem,
Jack Stone?
Yup. And I’ll be fighting in
my third tournament next week.
But you just started yesterday.
Again
it’s called the Jack Stone
School of Advanced Martial Arts.
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m
signing up with the Jack Stone school,
where the motto is, "You got the
cash, you get the black sash."
(all)
Yeah!
So dysfunctional ♪
Oh ♪
Can you feel it? ♪
Yo, Oscar!
Oscar?
You got anything else
besides this Bobby song?
I checked.
It’s the only record in the car.
What’s this?
Don’t touch that!
-Why?
-I don’t know.
Bobby just said
don’t touch that!
Did he say we had to listen
to him all day?
Turn him off!
I can’t listen
to Funkarelic anymore.
(honking)
Hey, big fella.
I love your music.
Turn it up, baby, turn it up!
(music grows louder)
Look, we’re filming
a Sir Paid-a-Lot video.
Why don’t you guys follow us
and kick it with us on the set?
What did I tell you, Felix?
This car is too good for Bobby.
Well, we would love to follow
you ladies to the
(screaming)
What are you screaming
about, Felix?
You act like you’ve seen a
Wives!
Trudy, what do you expect me to do?
Drive with my eyes closed?
No, but you could at least
drive with them in your head.
Yeah. Instead of like this.
(howls)
(car alarm beeps)
Hi Daddy, Mama, Suga Mama.
-Daddy, could you sign this?
-Sign what?
Mama, could you sign this?
Depends, what is it?
Sign it first, then I’ll tell you.
Now you know that’s not
the way it works, Penny.
OK. I want to transfer
karate schools.
Now before you say anything,
I’m not quitting.
I would just like to further
my martial arts education
elsewhere.
How much is this going
to cost us, Penny?
Not much. Just $250.
$250!
Do you know what I could have bought
with $250 back in my day?
A blind date
with Frederick Douglass?
A fully furnished cave?
Fire? (laughing)
-Forget it, Penny.
-But Mama,
I’m actually saving you money.
At the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts,
you can get your black belt
in one day,
saving me years of agony,
and you hundreds
no, thousands of dollars.
It seems to me you can’t really
become a black belt in one day.
But, Mom, the other
school is boring.
All we do are the basics
over and over again.
-Really?
-Yes!
All he talks about
is discipline and commitment.
And the unity of mind,
body, and spirit.
He does?
Well, that settles it.
You’re staying at
the Parker Lee School.
Mom, did you hear
anything I just said?
Yes, I did, Penny,
and anything worth doing, baby,
is worth doing the right way.
(Oscar)
Trudy! Come here quick!
-Oscar, what is it?
-It’s Bobby’s car.
I left it right here,
and it’s gone!
-Gone where?
-I don’t know.
-You better find my son’s car!
-I’m your son too, Mama.
-Yeah, your favorite son
-The son who lost my favorite son’s car.
(overlapping arguing continues)
(Penny) Wow, they’re getting
to do really cool stuff,
and they’re wearing
really cool gis.
Oh, no!
He’s giving them
their black belts.
Hey, where is everybody?
At the Jack Stone School
of Advanced Martial Arts.
Why aren’t you there?
The same reason you aren’t.
Parker Lee’s your uncle, too?
No. My mama and daddy wouldn’t
give me the money.
They want me to learn the right way,
the take-all-my-life way.
Uh, Penny.
Everybody with Jack Stone
got their black belt.
We’ve been here two weeks
and we haven’t seen a belt
Penny, no!
Sifu is
No, we’re the fools, see?
Your uncle is playing us.
He’s not teaching us anything.
He’s just
wasting our time ,
and he’s standing
right behind me, isn’t he?
So, you think I am just
wasting your time?
Playing you?
I didn’t mean it exactly
like that, Mr. Sifu, sir.
No need to apologize, Penny.
You’re right,
learning should be fun.
It should?
I mean, yes.
So, today we are going
to switch things up
and start having some fun.
(cheering)
Now put your arms out,
palms up, and close your eyes.
Now open them.
What are these?
Paint brushes and paint.
Now let’s have some fun
and paint the studio.
(all groaning)
Ya!
Ki-ya! Ki ya!
Small circles, Penny.
You’re using too much energy.
Yes, Sifu.
What is he going to do next,
have us wax his car?
Small circles.
Small circles.
Economy of motion, Penny.
Ki-ya!
Very good, Zoey.
Next.
Ki-ya, dude.
Very good, dude.
Next.
Oops. My bad.
Now try it.
Ki ya!
Push, pull ,
push, pull .
Excuse me, Sifu.
When are we going to
learn martial arts?
You are learning martial arts.
Rotational torque
is very important.
Now, keep your elbows in
and bend your knees, Penny.
Push, pull, push, pull ,
push, pull
Now, for today’s lesson ,
we’re going to learn
full-contact stunt fighting.
That’s when you look like you’re
hitting someone but you’re not.
Just watch this tape
of my latest movie ,
Jack Stone’s Fists of Granite,
and imitate everything I do.
(Sticky) Yo, didn’t that movie
come out in the early ’70s?
I said my latest movie.
(karate yells)
Class, may I have your attention.
But, Uncle, we haven’t finished
putting down the new carpet
in your office.
Don’t worry, you will,
and install my new satellite dish,
but before that, we must prepare
for our first tournament.
What is it,
the Handyman Olympics?
No, it’s the Wizard Kelly
Martial Arts Tournament.
Now, what is the key
to winning a tournament?
Beating up your opponent?
No! Never getting hit.
Hit me as hard
as you can.
I don’t want
to hurt you, Sifu.
Don’t worry, you won’t.
Hit me.
OK.
-Ki-ya!
-Again.
-Ki-ya!
-Again.
(karate yells)
(panting)
If your adversary can’t touch you,
he cannot beat you.
So this is what we are going to do
OK, well, good luck, Penny.
You’re gonna need it.
You know you guys are going to win.
You’re all black belts.
Well, look on the bright side.
You’ve got a reddish belt.
That’s from painting the Sifu’s dojo.
Now, smile.
OK, kids, there’s no pressure.
I just want you to go out
there and do your best.
(all)
We will, Father.
So, how are
we feeling, guys?
Not too confident, Sifu.
Good.
That means you have a chance.
All I ask you is do your best,
have some fun
and don’t hurt yourself.
All right, put them in there.
On three
I want you guys to go out there
and kicking butt.
One, two, three!
(all)
Kick butt!
Yay!
(applause)
(laughter)
(grunts)
(crowd laughs)
(grunts)
(crowd oohs and ahs)
That’s right,
look at my baby.
Hi-ya!
(grunts)
-(throbbing)
-Ouch!
And now for the final competition ,
the individual point fighting.
You better watch
your back, Frankie.
Penny got some skills.
How did they get so good?
I mean, we’re dressed
better than they are.
Maybe it’s because they studied
and we took pictures?
I don’t care what it is.
I’m telling you right now ,
no way Frankie is losing to a girl.
I’m a 12th degree black belt.
Shoot, she’s lucky
it ain’t tomorrow,
because then I’ll be
a 13th degree black belt.
Now, remember, Penny,
you cannot lose if you never get hit.
Yes, Sifu.
(applause)
OK, laddies and lassies,
let’s make it a clean bout.
Fighting stance
Begin.
(grunts)
That’s my grand-baby.
Be still and fight like a man
I mean, a girl.
You mean like this?
-Ki ya!
-Point.
Point.
(Frankie)
Ow!
Oh, my head.
(cheering)
That’s my girl.
Here’s to the hardest working
students I have ever had.
And by far, the best painters
this dojo has ever seen.
(cheering)
We are so proud of you, Penny.
Yes, baby girl.
You really proved
what you can do
when you put your mind to it.
Oh, yeah, and most importantly,
you threw down
and you looked good doing it.
I owe it all
to my Sifu, Parker Lee.
Excuse me.
Sifu, thanks for not
giving up on me.
I really appreciate it.
Penny, if I couldn’t
be patient with you
how could I expect you
to be patient with me?
Besides, I needed the 125 bucks
to make my rent.
(both laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
Hey, baby brah.
Bobby, what are you doing here?
Peaches and Herb broke up.
You can’t tour
with just a Herb.
So where’s my car?
I miss her so.
I just want to let
the top down
And go, go,
wind in my afro ♪
Low blow ♪
Oh, your car
Oh, oh, oh
He lost it, Bobby.
It’s nowhere to be found.
Hey, Bobby, I don’t know
what happened.
I parked your car,
turned on the alarm
and the next thing you know,
the baby was gone.
-Did you push the button, bro?
-What button, bro?
The button I told you not to push, bro.
(beep)
Hey, how’d you do that?
If you’d been paying
attention when I mentioned ,
don’t push this button right here
This is my anti-parking ticket device.
Works every time.
Yes, it does.
You might want to put this in the mail
before you go to jail.
(Trudy)
Oscar, the electricity just went out.
Did you mail the bill?
So dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
I’m so dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
I’m so dysfunctional ♪
Can you feel it ♪
Like I feel it ♪
Oh ♪