The Upshaws (2021) s02e08 Episode Script

1
This account balance cannot be right.
The bank must have made some kinda error.
Yeah, click all them buttons you want,
it won't change nothing.
We got money!
Baby, look at these digits.
- Hmm.
- Nothing's in parentheses.
Huh? Is that a comma?
I'mma go pour us a little Henny
and check our credit scores.
No. Now, we got to be way more rich
or way more broke to get morning drunk.
Ooh. All this from some cheap car parts.
Word got out. But don't worry,
I ain't gonna drop you
like I'm a draft pick.
Shit, I might.
You ain't the only one out there hustling.
I get my scholarship today.
Oh!
I sent you some flowers,
but they won't be delivered yet.
Relax. It's the first
you're hearing of it.
I should have trusted my instinct.
Do I still got to get the flowers?
It's not 'official' official,
but dumb Sheila practically wrote me
a check in my interview.
Look at Black women.
Lifting each other up.
Mm-hmm. I got to remember
to stop calling her dumb.
Yeah and Lucretia ain't slithered in
once since y'all fought last week.
God got me everything on my wish list.
- Thank you, God.
- Mm-mmm.
Do not bring her ass up.
I'm in my happy place, okay?
We are finally on the come up, Bennie.
- We gonna fix the dryer.
- Uh-huh.
- Repair the roof. Find that gas leak.
- Uh-huh.
That don't sound fun.
We need to do something crazy,
rich and white.
All right, you right. Hey, girls!
What's all the noise in here?
Have a seat.
Your dad and I have been discussing money.
Really, Dad? Again?
How are you so bad at this?
I'm tapped out.
I can't watch you
smash my piggy bank again.
Damn, y'all make me sound shady.
I'm giving your mama money this time.
Oh, so you're paying her back?
All right. Stop talking.
So, we are making
some big moves for this family.
All right? And starting today, both of you
will be receiving an allowance.
You always said it's more rewarding
to earn our money.
That's something broke parents say.
We can be real with you now.
I can get toothpaste
with English on the box.
I can get my doll a new head!
We got money!
I got a date
but my ATM card isn't working.
- Could you spot me some cash?
- We ain't got no money.
Solid as a rock ♪
Solid ♪
Shit, I can't focus on all this work.
We mixed up the black Nissans.
We rebuilt this one's alternator
and flushed this one's transmission.
You swap the license plates,
I'll switch the seat covers.
Bennie Upshaw. Why you ducking my calls?
Because I hate you.
We ain't got time for that.
I am double-parked.
- All of the meters are taken.
- I had to put all these cars somewhere.
Oh, crap. My phone didn't buzz.
Where are my little baggie of quarters?
No! Don't you Stop right
So I got news. Don't trip.
You shacking up with your man?
Oh!
- It shows on me?
- Oh.
You see that new housewife glow up?
Yeah, Kelvin told me.
- Oh, did he? Aw!
- Yeah.
He's so excited.
It's like Christmas to him, okay?
Now, the business.
So, his house is across town.
Yeah, you can stop right there.
You know what? You right. Get a pencil.
'Cause you not gonna remember
any of this.
Kelvin ain't going nowhere.
I didn't okay that.
Oh, uh
My life, my son, my choice.
Did you hear a "you" in there?
Well, Kelvin is our son,
and he ain't living with no man
I barely even know.
Well, I know the man.
His name is Noah.
He sells me hair.
Good deals. And this
Whoo!
That's the house we moving to.
It got stairs.
I'm trying to tell you, they got stairs.
Man, this shit ain't right.
I should at least
get to hang out with the dude.
Man-to-man. Hit a strip club or something.
You know what? You're right.
Mm-hmm. I got a little caught up.
So, if it'll make you chill,
I'll set something up. But no titties.
The Miata got a ticket.
Then they need new air filters.
Fifty-three dollars for brunch,
and the only words out of you were,
"A white woman made this bacon."
Crispy means crispy.
You gotta call that shit out.
Ah. So you can hear me.
What? I can't have things on my mind?
Lu, I'm flying back and forth for us.
You wanna let this business with
your sister ruin what time we get? Hmm?
- You're right. You're right.
- Okay.
But how she gonna say
I'm too fixated on her?
Shouldn't have finished
my book on the plane.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm here.
For real.
This feels wrong.
Then my next move would have been heinous.
I mean, I can't be with you
and have Regina all in my head.
Maybe I should call her and clear the air.
- Thirty years and nothing's changed.
- Man, what you know about it?
I know it was her same mess
that broke us up the first time.
But she's my sister.
That's why you let her take advantage?
She's got this hold on you.
Please. Nobody holds Lucretia Turner.
Yeah, that hit kind of sad.
Mm-hmm.
Look, maybe I'm missing something.
Maybe Regina does
as much for you as you do for her.
Hmm?
I want you and your sister
to be cool. I do.
But have you ever
taken one day just for yourself? Hmm?
Regina will be there tomorrow.
What does Lucretia want today?
I don't know.
But I think better with
a firm thumb on these arches.
Surprise! Day one
of your birthday week celebration.
Girl, it's third period.
I already saw this.
But not with me.
Sorry, I meant to show you this morning,
but I got caught up.
Yeah, hanging on a wheelchair ramp
with your new best friend, Steph, huh?
And not for nothing, but that's my locker.
I already said, "My bad," Chris.
Why did he keep it up?
He's a leap year baby.
He doesn't get a lot of love.
You ain't gotta do this
'cause you feel guilty.
I'm doing it 'cause you're my girl.
I feel like I barely see you anymore.
Oh! 'Cause you get grounded
trying to make yourself popular.
Trying to make us popular.
We both making it to that mountaintop.
That's your dream, Dr. King.
Meanwhile, I'm back here
getting water-hosed.
Will you let me walk so you can run?
For real, though. I mean,
I did wake up early
and decorate Chris's locker for you.
Well, uh Okay, it is cute.
We still on for our birthday tradition?
Chili's.
Okay. We cool.
And, girl, I'mma go in
on some Southwest egg rolls.
Fourteen is getting up there.
I gotta do it
while my body can still handle it.
Shoot, I'm working
with an allowance now.
I'm getting a whole-ass Triple Dipper
and some Skillet Queso.
Your folks gave you an allowance?
I'm gonna spend it
before they ask for it back.
Hey, you. Got a minute?
I ain't had a minute all day.
Dr. Grossman in surgery
failed another breathalyzer.
So, I gotta dig through
a mountain of malpractice claims
to determine hospital liability.
That sounds hard.
The scholarship committee
made their decision.
Oh, shit. Bump Dr. Grossman.
His ass is going to jail.
Make my day, girl.
I know how much you want an MBA,
so I asked to give you the news.
Oh, I got it! Guys, I got it!
Thank you, Jesus!
Won't he do it! Won't he will!
I feel like maybe I came in
with the wrong energy.
You didn't get it.
Say it
I didn't get it? What?
This happens to me all the time.
It's my resting happy face.
I pushed for you as hard as I could,
but there were
too many qualified applicants.
A lot of people need this.
Grad school is expensive.
That's why I need it.
I'm really sorry.
If it were up to me, everyone would get
the money they deserve.
Oh yeah, by the way, if any of these
claims go through, it'll break us. So
Crush 'em. Okay?
Okay.
God is still good.
I mean, I'm still here.
But could you toss a sister a win?
'Cause this some bullshit.
Mm-mmm.
I don't need her.
Oh, shit. I'm talking to myself.
I'm in crisis.
Leave a message, or not.
The hell's so important
that she can't take my call?
Mmm. How'd I get ketchup on the sheets?
Maid's problem.
You know, once you get
the sex out the way,
hotel rooms can be downright comfy.
Hmm. I can be comfy.
Boy, I paid $12.99 for this movie.
You better roll your ass back over.
Hey, man, I know we hanging,
but I can't let that slide.
Panthro is the best ThunderCat.
Man, you crazy.
Lion-O had the sword!
I always liked Snarf.
You are a damn Snarf.
All I know is Cheetara got me through
some long prison nights.
Mm-hmm.
- Man.
- Polka dots, man. Them damn polka dots!
Mmm.
Oh, man. It's getting late
and I'm up early tomorrow.
You got to get back to them hair mines.
Yeah, laugh it up, fellas.
Women shave their heads for 50 bucks
and I turn around and flip it for 300.
Hey, I just want to let you know
that this bald is a choice.
What do you think I can get
if I grew it out?
Some soup at the shelter.
Hey, I'm good, man.
Anyways, Bennie. Thanks again for this.
Yeah, it was good hanging, man.
You an all right dude, man.
I mean, Kelvin like you,
I guess.
He's easy to like.
He's a great kid.
Yeah, man. You know, I'm still not sure
why you wanna deal
with Tasha's crazy ass 24/7.
I'mma let you have that
'cause we're in a bonding mood.
Look, I'd be cool with y'all
moving in in, like, a month.
Maybe when Kelvin finish school. I'll see.
Bennie.
This move is happening
when we say it happens.
Yeah, after I say I'm good.
What you think you're doing here?
I'm trying not to get pissed off.
Okay, what you gonna do?
- You gonna give me some bangs?
- Listen to what I'm saying.
Easy. You ain't my dad
and you damn sure ain't Kelvin's daddy.
Which is why I've been trying to be
such a good guy about this,
but our little beer summit
was not about me getting your okay.
Tasha is my girlfriend.
Let me tell you something about Tasha.
No. I already gave you one.
Okay. Well, what you gonna do?
What you gonna do?
You did not just push me!
- Hey!
- Hey, come on, man!
- Get off me!
- Why you grabbing me?
Hey! Y'all can't be acting this way.
Y'all have the same woman in common.
That gotta mean something.
Yeah, it means we both
made the same damn bad decision.
Damn. You know what? Nah.
Mmm. I ain't got time for this bullshit.
Tasha, me and Kelvin is happening.
Get that through your head
and quit making my life so hard.
Yeah, whatever.
Damn, Duck. Why'd you stop me?
I had to. You would have killed him.
Good job stepping in, Duck.
I had to. Noah would have killed him.
Hey, you're not gonna be
slamming cabinets in my kitchen.
Why are you still buying
unfrosted Pop-Tarts? We got money now.
Nope. Uh-uh. We're not doing that. Okay?
I let you be
in your feelings all last night.
No, we was talking about your thing.
What is my thing?
Something like Maya's birthday party?
Negro, that was weeks ago.
Tasha's taking my son.
Bennie I love that you have
gotten so close to Kelvin.
Shit, even I'm gonna miss
having that kid around, okay?
But Tasha puts that boy first.
If she thinks
this is what needs to happen,
then we got to respect that.
Did Tasha pull your hair too tight?
You came back different.
Bennie, I'm just living our reality.
Now, if the two of you
had some sort of legal agreement,
then you might have a say. But you don't.
Damn. Now I got the hiccups too.
- Morning.
- Hup.
They gone. Lucretia's face
just scared 'em out of me.
- Where the hell were you yesterday?
- Oh.
I see we're still angry.
Not that it's any of your concern,
but I had a lovely day with Frank,
and I'm here to talk
about what happened at the church.
They still got you up there
ringing the bells?
Can he not be here? Like, ever?
"Sanctuary!"
"Lucretia-modo!"
We don't have to talk.
But from now on, if you're gonna go MIA,
make sure you tell somebody.
Oh, my bad. Next time,
I'll make sure I notify management.
Who do you think you're talking to?
I'm your sister, not your employee.
I needed you and you weren't
answering your damn phone.
Oh. Okay. So, you weren't concerned.
You needed me. For what?
Pick up Aaliyah from choir?
Take Maya to soccer?
Do a Costco run?
All the other shit you have me doing.
Frank sees it too.
Frank What?
What is Frank doing in my business?
Poor Regina
had to live her life for a day.
I didn't get the scholarship, Lucretia.
I'm sorry. And that sucks.
And we'll figure that out.
But right now, I really need you
to hear what I'm saying.
Oh, you mean what Frank is saying.
Watch yourself, Regina.
You letting a man run your life now?
That's what we doing?
You have some nerve, Mrs. Upshaw.
- At least Bennie's there when I need him.
- Okay. Now you just saying shit.
You know what? You're right.
We don't need to talk ever.
Can't stand her ass!
Then sit down, hoe!
You swung on Noah?
You were supposed to get to know him!
He fight like a bitch.
I tried to have an open mind
with the dude,
- but Kelvin ain't going nowhere with him.
- You think you got a say?
- Yeah. I'm his father.
- And? I'm his mother!
And I've been his mother everyday.
Took you 13 years
just to bring him by for dinner.
- Huh.
- Yeah. That game?
Well, we done playing it.
Listen, Noah is not just good for me.
He's good for Kelvin.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! And if you too stupid to see that
Well, honestly, I don't give a shit.
I'm telling you.
If you take him, I'mma sue your ass.
Oh, you gonna sue me?
What, we righteous now?
I'm not playing. Joint custody.
Uh Then he would
still live with me, genius.
Then full custody!
Please. Regina ain't going for that!
Women don't run my life.
You serious.
Yeah, nobody messes with me and my son.
Not even his mama.
Okay, but you know neither one of us
needs to go to a courtroom.
Look. My girl, Riri went through this
with her baby daddy, right?
It took all of their time
and all their money
to have the judge ask the little girl
where she want to live.
So
So, let's cut the bullshit?
And let Kelvin decide?
And whoever he chooses, uh,
we make it work.
Cool. This will be easy.
We'll put them in the middle of the room
and we'll each call him.
How the hell did you get
two women to give you kids?
Really. We should do
a documentary on this.
- This is a very interesting to me.
- I'm Bennie Upshaw, baby.
I can't
Okay, so, is it weird that I am totally
a Blanche but not at all a Samantha?
We just had sex and that is still
the gayest thing you've ever said.
Right. Okay, whatever, closet queen.
Oh. Okay, so we still on that, huh?
- Are you gonna do something about it?
- Nope.
No one's home! Damn.
- Bernard, you are the super.
- Shit, man. Fuck.
- Sydney!
- Sorry, I'm early.
- My mom got called in for a stabbing.
- It just might be that kind of day.
You babysit? How many jobs do you have?
Uh
Sydney, this is, uh my friend Hector.
Hector, this is Sydney.
My daughter.
I didn't know you had a boo.
Damn kitchenette. Always out of K-Cups.
God forbid Regina get any Cafe Bustelo.
- I brought a little treat for everybody.
- It's nobody's birthday, Clark.
Oh, no, these are for me.
I got into
the Earn While You Learn program.
- They're paying for your college?
- Mm-hmm.
Your daddy is the head
of thoracic surgery.
I know. I hope people don't think
that's the only reason I got it.
Well, you can't stop people from thinking.
I'm sure you gave a great interview.
Interview?
Hey, busy bee.
You should have got some blue folders.
Did you get a chance to go through them?
You They just got here.
Oh, too bad.
'Cause I need 'em by the end of the day.
Oh, Clark. Cupcakes.
This is gonna set off my Cafe Bustelo.
- Congrats, again.
- Thanks.
Now the hard part starts.
Gotta figure out my major.
Huh. Uh-huh.
Nope. That's it.
Y'all about to give me Bell's palsy.
Not that you would care. Y'all would
I could drop dead at my desk right now,
and y'all would just give me
my own damn forms to do.
Put them in
one of your little blue folders.
So, you don't want a cupcake?
No, Clark! I don't want a damn cupcake.
No. What I want is to be appreciated!
Fuck this place.
Y'all can have it.
I'm out.
This shit is lighter than air!
Where did you buy this?
My housekeeper made 'em.
I hate you, Clark.
I'm so ready to get our Chili's on.
Ooh, girl. I brought my mama's purse.
Bottomless chips? Challenge accepted.
I skipped out on lunch to make room.
I got a little woozy during gym,
but I told coach it was that time
and he let me take a nap.
Ooh! We ready, ready.
Oh, Aaliyah. My house for movies.
I'm in. When?
Uh, now?
You think I'd dress like this
if I was going out?
Oh, well
Come on. I want you there.
We're gonna hang out all weekend anyway.
You get it, right?
- You serious?
- For us.
Movies.
For us.
What are we watching?
This is gonna be fun.
'Sup, Savannah? Happy birthday.
My bad. Am I a day late?
Whoa.
What's going on?
You okay?
Hey, hey, hey.
Bennie, if it's gonna be this busy,
you need to hire a third guy.
Yeah, man,
I ain't had no yard time in days.
I hate that I only
pick up tires for work now.
You know, honestly, when I took this job,
I didn't count on you succeeding.
I see y'all been putting it in.
You deserve to take the rest of the day.
- Off?
- Off? The rest of the day off?
- Yeah!
- But you can't!
Let's stay busy. Let's get back to
Throw a carburetor
and some other stuff together.
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- Hey.
Uh I think I quit my job.
You been messing around
and letting that money go to your head.
I don't know what happened.
Things got blurry.
There were cupcakes. I cussed.
Hold up. Hold up.
You have cupcakes where you work?
Shit, I'm on a ten.
And I'm on a twenty.
I'mma go pray for you, Regina.
Hey, man. Hey, neither one of y'all's ass
is in the union,
you better hurry your ass back!
Hand me that screwdriver, baby.
Right there.
- Are you hearing me?
- What?
I quit my job.
Yeah, I heard you. Get it back.
Get it back? Get
Do you even want to know why I quit?
Baby, if ain't nobody up there
touching you, I don't care.
We need more than one income
'cause Kelvin is moving in with us.
- No, I hear you, but with
- What?
Kelvin moving in where?
Kelvin's moving in with us.
Tasha think he'll pick her,
but I know I'm way more fun.
Are you listening to me?
I didn't get the scholarship, Bennie.
Hmm.
So, I quit my job. I'm not about to raise
another damn child. You
Tasha's his mother.
You will see him on the weekends.
Yeah. Hello?
Speaking? What?
I'm sorry. Okay.
Yeah, I'm sorry. No, it's
Our wires must have gotten
Okay. All right. Uh, I'll be right there.
Maya is stuck at school.
Lucretia never picked her up.
What kind of psycho
takes their shit out on someone's kid?
Uh, why are y'all not working?
- Because Bennie said
- I don't give a damn what Bennie said.
Oh, now I'm gonna have to add you
to the prayer. Addendum, Lord.
Why did you leave Maya at school?
Now I gotta go get lectured
by the principal.
Oh, shit. Damn. It is Thursday.
Obviously, I got mixed up.
I mean, what kind of psycho
takes their shit out on someone's kid?
- I'll go get her.
- No, I got her.
I don't need you doing shit else.
Remember that
as you're walking out of the shop
that you asked me to buy to keep
your sorry-ass husband off the streets.
Why are my ears burning?
I am tired of you.
Why don't you fix that broken-ass record?
Oh, this record works fine. As a matter
of fact, I'm about to play all the hits.
I built this shop. I made this happen.
It's my money in these walls.
Excuse me.
Are you the owner of this establishment?
You goddamn right I am.
You're under arrest for the knowing
purchase and resale of stolen car parts.
You're crazy.
I haven't bought any stolen anything.
- Bennie?
- I gotta go pick up Maya.
Bennie!
Officers, look. I can clear all this up.
Y'all ain't heard the story right.
I am going to squeeze through
these bars and kill you.
Guard!