The Wonder Years s02e08 Episode Script

Sometimes when you're a kid You lie awake at night and ponder the kinds of questions that grownups have long since stopped asking.
Questions like: What did it feel like to be dead? Are time and space really infinite? What was there before the universe began? Why are there people like Wayne? Butthead! I could never figure it out.
Even in his sleep, my brother seemed to hate my guts.
I guess he'd just never forgiven me for something I did to him very early in life.
I'd been born.
Then, to make things worse, I stayed.
Not that the Wayner didn't try to adjust.
In fact, our relationship eventually settled into a fairly stable pattern.
I always imagined things would pretty much always be that way.
But I guess no matter how much your brother hates your guts, and no matter how much you hate his There's always something you hold back.
There are things you could use against him that you don't use.
No matter how much you hate your brother's guts You don't really want to hurt him.
What are you looking at? Until, one day things go too far.
"And on that day of reckoning, the spear hurled with" "a grunt to the dawn of man, lands at midnight," "with a flash of light, and a mushroom cloud.
" And so we conclude Section 7 of "Our Dying Planet".
Any questions? Very well.
Next week we turn to Section 8, "Radiation and Mutation, What are the Risks?" We will explore the proposition that your generation may very well be the first to experience the widespread, widespread Can you read that word? I looks like "cancer".
Oh, yes! Of course.
Widespread cancer - Sure to follow nuclear industrial accidents.
Hey, Sunshine, don't sugar coat it, we can take it.
- And now, on a lighter note Let's turn to our science projects, on pollutants and toxic waste.
Miss Clark, Miss Rodino, are you prepared? - What are we gonna do? - I don't know.
We pour in the hazardous waste here Let it stand, overnight, and then we study the ecological impact on wildlife and their environment.
He's gonna call on us! I could understand Paul's concern.
Our project was due today, but hey all we really needed was conclusion, and a theory, and maybe a test subject.
Another week or so to finish.
Mr.
Arnold, Mr.
Pfeiffer - We need a little more time to - I See.
Are you having a problem? Our results have been, inconclusive.
Very well.
But I'll expect to see something on Monday morning.
- You understand? - Yes, sir.
- And now Smog and noise pollution.
Mr.
Fisher Are you prepared.
Here, this one looks easy.
Hey, let's do one with these little guys.
- Hamsters? - Yeah, they're neat! No, too much trouble.
We need something simple.
- Like What? - Fungus.
- Fungus? - Yeah! - Disgusting! - But Easy.
I'm not to get in a experiment with fungus.
I want to work with animals.
Paul's mother wouldn't let him have a pet.
And I guess he felt a little deprived.
Once I caught him petting the angora sweaters at Sears.
It was pretty embarrassing for both of us.
- I don't know, Paul.
- Hi! Hi! Hi, there! Yeah, you I'm talking to you! Did I have a heart of stone? - You're so cute! - Alright, we'll do the hamsters.
Yeah! Alright, did you hear that? I'm taking you home! This is a scientific experiment, Paul! And we can not think of these as pets.
Oh, yeah,I understand that.
And you understand that too, don't you? Yes you do, yes you do! Paul, you better close the cage, or they're gonna get away.
They wouldn't do that.
They like us.
If we lose these guys Cantwell'll kill us.
- Oh, here! I'll protect them for ya! No, Wayne No, Wayne, stop.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Wayne! He's fighting me, he's gonna make a break for it! - Wayne! Wayne! Give him back! Give him back, Wayne! - Back boys.
Wouldn't want to see anything to happen to your little rat now, - would we? - They're hamsters! Hamsters? Really? How interesting.
Do hamsters always land on their feet? Wayne! We needed help.
We needed a stick, a bat! A big bat! We needed Angela Chompsky.
Wayne! It's your girlfriend.
Hi, Angela! The last thing he'd want is for his little brother to embarrass him in front of Angela Chompsky.
Oh, Angela Nohe'd rather embarrass himself in front of Angela Chompsky.
Wayne! Give it back.
You're gonna squish it! Hey! Back, scrote! Or the little guy gets it! Hamster out of control! - Hamster out of control! - Wayne! Wayne! - Oh, God! Look out! Look out! - Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! What? OK, 'The effects of a bad diet on laboratory hamsters'.
We feed the test hamster a steady diet of processed snack-foods.
This.
The control hamster receives regular hamster-chow.
We then compare the times it takes for the two hamsters to successfully run through the maze.
They're still upset from this afternoon.
Wheezer's breathing very fast, and, Puffy I mean the control-subject has the hiccups.
Maybe we should go to my house and do this.
Relax.
Wayne won't try anything, not with Mom and Dad around.
Oh, no.
What was that sound? Mom! You're wearing high-heels.
It could only mean one thing.
You're father and I are going out, honey! Ohno! OK.
Get the rats out of the kitchen! - They're hamsters! - Mom's given us permission! Mom, you're not gonna let them do their stupid experiment in here.
- I already told them they could.
- But Angela's coming over.
Angela's coming over? In your dreams! Eat your heart out, sonny boy! She wants me.
- Now, beat it! - You beat it! - No, I'll beat you! - Yeah, right! - Yeah, I'll beat - Yeah, get off stupid! Now, can't your father and I leave the house for two hours, without you two at each other's throats?! Wayne, you and Angela can use the living room - Kevin and Paul can use the kitchen.
Mom You don't want these little rodents in here! I mean, we eat in here.
- It'll be alright! - They're so dirty and smelly! They are not, they're clean! It'll leave these little pellets all over the place.
And they're gonna get in your walls and breed! Wayne knew just how to play Mom.
If there was one thing she dreaded It was that animals would get in her walls and breed.
Kevin, I want them in the cage at all times.
- Do you understand? - Yes, Mom.
I'm gonna go get the vacuum out, and I want you to clean up after them.
I don't care what Mom says.
As soon as they're gone, you're gone, butthead! - No, I'm not, butthead! - Yes you are, dorkface! Things were going badly.
I needed help in a big way.
- Dad! Mom gave me permission to do my project in here, - and Wayne's starting to - I don't want to hear it.
Karen? You're in charge.
Karen? Can we rely on you, honey? Don't worry, Mom.
Now, go on, or you're gonna miss your movie.
Well, OK.
Bye-bye It came down to this My last hope for peaceful co-existence lay in the hands of a seventeen-year-old flower-child.
And yet, call it crazy, I felt a sudden rush of faith in my sister.
I'm outta here.
You guys are on your own.
Well, alright! Where do we stand? Dad's gone.
Mom's gone.
Karen's gone.
- Well, who's next in the chain of command? Of course, how silly of me.
Why, it's me.
- And I say, you two are out of here, right now! You get out of here! Alright, I didn't want it to come to this - Stop it, Wayne! - Leave Wheezer alone! "Wheezer"? Don't want to hurt little Wheezer, do we? - Give him back, or I'll - You'll what? Give me a break, the guy out-weighed me by four-thousand pounds.
- Or, I'll take 'em back.
- He'll take 'em back! Back! - You wouldn't dare! - Observe.
Stop him! - You don't scare me, Wayne.
- He's getting heavy Alright! Alright.
Say "I give up, oh mighty Wayne, my lord and master"! Eat it! The blades whirl so fast, you can hardly see 'em! Stop him! "I give up, oh mighty Wayne, my lord and master.
" Now turn it off! First, I want you to pick up all that junk, take it into your bedroom, and then close the door.
And I don't want to see either of you for the rest of the night! Gimme the hamster! When you're in your room, and not before and then I'll give it to your little lab-partner, here.
Come on, Kevin.
It's time to feed them! What? Right, right.
Next timeI'm not backin' down.
I don't care what he does.
- Hi, Angela? Yeah, it's Wayne.
I pretty much have the place to myself, right now so, why don't you come on over? We should make another column here so we put the results side-by-side.
- OK.
- And later, we correlate them.
- Paul! - Sorry! - Can we go on? - Ok.
Alright.
Now what was his last time running the maze? Paul? Do you think this experiment is safe? Sure it is! Mr.
Cantwell wouldn't let us do a project that was dangerous.
No, I mean for Wheezer and Puffy.
They'll be fine! They are kinda cute, though, aren't they? - He likes it when you scratch him behind his ears.
- Hi, there! Hi! Hi! You're cute, aren't you? Yes, you are Alright, now let's look at the data.
Right, data! Alright, now, next we have to measure the test subjects response, to a highly sugared substance.
- Where's the rootbeer? - Oh, it's in the Kitchen.
We can't go back in there! Wayne said if we were in Hey! This is my house, too! He can't control our lives! Oh, come on, Angela, you promised! Well, your hair looked pretty clean to me I'll tell ya what, I'll wash it and blow it dry for you - Oh, come on, Angela.
I'm just gonna keep calling until you say "yes".
I'm gonna make your life miserable.
I'm gonna bug you and bug you, until you can't Really? You're really coming over? OK, alright, see ya in ten minutes.
What are you lookin' at, dorkface?! - You know, I thought I told you what part of the house you were restricted to.
Or am I forgetting? It's just seems so fresh in my mind, though! I guess you were right about Angela wanting you.
- She sounds pretty desperate.
- Oh, shut up, butthead! Alright, alright! Touchy, touchy! - He's starting to turn orange! No, that's from the Cheese-Doodles.
See? - It brushes off.
OK, now let's check his heart-rate.
No, no, no.
Not yet.
Hey, why not? He doesn't like it when you handle him right after he's eaten.
I think it gives him a tummy ache.
Paul was starting to lose any semblance of objectivity about this project.
I realized better put my foot down before it got out of hand.
Maybe you're right.
Let's give him five minutes to digest.
OK, so I have a very light foot.
What could five minutes hurt? I didn't want to make the little guy sick.
- Oh, Angela I'm glad you could make it.
I know it's short notice and all, butI just had to see you.
- He doesn't look too good.
- His times are much slower.
- No, Wheezer, not that way! - You can't interfere, Paul.
- Dead end! Dead end! - You can't help him, Paul! He's confused! I'm telling you, the diet is getting to him! That's the purpose of the experiment! We're playing God here! Paul! - We have no right.
- Paul - It's unnatural! - Paul! It's not like it's poison, millions of people - eat this food everyday! - Well, who's fault is that?! Look.
This'll be his last run through the maze, - then we can put him in - He needs a drink of water! We're supposed to be giving him rootbeer.
He needs a drink of water! I could see that Paul was past reasoning with.
OK, I'll get him some water.
And some Alka-Seltzer.
Ah, but Angela, I thought you were comin' over.
Oh, are you serious? Are you kidding me? I do stuff like that all the time, too.
Angela, Come on! Come on over! Please? Or I could come over there? - Angela? Angela? - W-Where's the water? Forget it.
But he needs a glass of water! Paul! Let's just finish the experiment.
Hamster patrol! Stay outta here, Wayne! "Stay outta out of here, Wayne!" Your mother told you to be sure to clean up after those little devils Gimme that! Wayne! Get out of here! Work, work, work.
It's all I ever do around here.
- Get out of here! - Just tryin' to help Get out of here! You're gonna hurt them! - Now, would I do somethin' like that? I'm just tryin' to No! Wheezer! At that moment As I looked at my brother Something snapped inside me.
I didn't hate his guts.
I hated him.
I hated everything about him.
And at that moment, I didn't care what it cost me I didn't care about anything I just wanted to hurt him.
You want to know why Angela wouldn't come over?! Shut up.
Because she doesn't like you, Wayne! Shut up! She doesn't, nobody does! - Shut up! - No! You may be bigger than me, and stronger than me.
But you know what, Wayne? I have friends! Nobody likes you, Wayne! You're just mean to everybody, all the time, because nobody likes you! You're pathetic! And he died, to the men might learn.
It's Ok.
I didn't see Wayne very much, for the next couple of days.
In fact, I stayed out of the house, a lot.
So, I was not run into him.
What are you doing here? Nothing.
What are you doing here? None of your business.
Look, I'm sorry, OK? What do you want me to say? I'm sorry! Yeah! Well, it was a stupid thing to do! I know that! What do you think I am? An idiot? You don't think I meant to do it, do you? Do you? No.
Sorry I said all that stuff.
Look, I'm goin' home, OK? You going home? Yeah, I guess.
As my brother and I walked home that day, I guess we both knew that things would never be quite the same between us.
Everything would be more complicated now.
Now, we both knew That I could hurt him.
The funny thing was, I'm not sure I was glad about that.
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