Turbo FAST (2013) s02e08 Episode Script

1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [crowd singing.]
# For he's a jolly good mollusk # Which nobody can deny [cheering.]
Happy birthday, sweetie! Thanks, Mom.
This is the best birthday ever.
Oh, Deucey, you say that every year! And I mean it every year.
In fact, I got you a present to thank you.
Is it another coupon for a free hug? I have so many! [chuckles.]
No.
It's VIP seats to the race today.
For you and your boyfriend.
Oh, my goodness, sweetheart.
That is so thoughtful! Mel! Mel, honey, look.
Deuce got us VIP tickets to the race! Well, shucks, baby, that's grand! I'm supposed to be up in the announcer's booth, but these seats are way comfier, so who cares? - Oh, you're a good boy, Davey.
- It's Deuce.
And come to think of it, I've got a little something for you too! It's the instruction manual for a bread maker! Kids love bread makers! Right, Charlie? - Oh, Charlie doesn't know.
- Gosh, uh, thanks.
I love bread and knowing how to make it.
That's great.
Let's hit the road, sugar-shell.
See you later, Bruce! - It's Deuce.
- [door closes.]
I'll go see what Turbo's up to! [gulping.]
Turbo always needs a helping hand on his pit crew! And I'm a hand that likes to help.
[Turbo grunting.]
Glad you're here.
Couldn't have gotten ready without you.
Aw, gee.
I'm just [Tickula.]
Oh, it's my pleasure, Turbo! Your Pit Crew for a Day contest was a great idea.
I was happier than a bat in a belfry when I won! [chuckles.]
Well, technically, Edvard won.
It was a contest for kids.
True, but as you can see, my son's enthusiasm for racing, or anything at all, is somewhat lacking.
Edvard, you don't want to help Turbo? It's really groovy! Groovy? Ugh! Nice try, Ticku-lame.
Don't you "Ticku-lame" me! - Don't try to talk to me - Don't you take my name Guess I'll come back later.
Nothing wrong with spending your birthday alone.
[sighs.]
Again.
But it's always good to have some me-time! [sighs.]
Again.
But hey, no worries! It's a nice day, the sun's out [screams.]
Oh, sorry, kid.
Didn't see you.
It's okay.
I was getting dry.
Everything's fine.
Everything's swell.
Everything's - Everything stinks! - [thunder rumbling.]
[grunting.]
[Edvard.]
Hey.
Is this your brooding spot? Oh! No, I was just being sad.
I don't even know what brooding is.
Brooding's like being sad, but with more sighing and gazing at nothing.
[groans.]
[chuckles.]
You're funny.
Whatever.
I'm Edvard.
I'm Deuce.
Hey, you wanna go brood at the taco stand? Mmm, sure.
My stomach's emptier than my soul.
- [Mexican music plays.]
- [Deuce sighs loudly.]
Sadder.
[sighing.]
Sad.
Not bad.
Sometimes, to get folks to really notice you, you've got to cause a little trouble.
Trouble? You mean, like not putting my dish in the sink after dinnertime? Bigger.
Something my dad, your mom, Turbo, none of 'em will be able to ignore.
So what do we do? [beeping.]
- [doorbell rings.]
- I'll get it! Hey, Tickula.
Everything okay? Everything is most certainly not okay.
Which of you meddling mollusks is responsible for this? Responsible for what? My motor car! It's been toilet-papered, or "TP-ed," as the kids are calling it.
Hang on, fangs.
Some punks TP your coffin car and you assume it's us? What? No! I figured you were big toilet paper fans.
[both.]
Huh? [Turbo.]
Uh Um How in the heck did that happen? Also, when have you ever met a big toilet paper fan? I'm a big toilet paper fan! If none of us did this, how do we find the real culprit? My advice, follow the toilet paper and see who's at the end of it.
But you should really knock if they're still in the bathroom.
[squirting noise.]
- [Deuce and Edvard laughing.]
- Hey! What are you Wait.
Deuce? Edvard! I should have known you'd be behind this.
And, Deuce, I'm very disappointed in you! You are grounded, young man.
[whispering.]
You can't ground me! You're not my dad! Hey, I'm Oh, yeah, I'm not.
But you could be if you wanted! Um Deuce, I can't punish you, but your mom can.
What's her phone number? I'm not telling! Darn, he's good.
Edvard, this is the last straw.
Whatever.
Yeah! Whatever! I told you I hate the W word! What-ev-er.
It's like talking to a brick wall that's constantly talking back! For these two, we might need to bring in a specialist.
Someone who can scare troublemakers straight.
What have I told you about saving over my video games? I was almost to the Marzipan Level in Candy Jewels! That's the best level! You have scared me straight! - Hey, Whiplash! - What? Get the helmet.
I'm gonna teach you little TP-happy punks to show some respect.
You're gonna do exactly what I say, when I say it, like it or not! [Whiplash grunts.]
What? You told me to do it.
Now does that sound like something I'd say? [laughing.]
You think troublemaking has a happy ending? Well, think again! Shadow? Hello, my name is White Shadow.
I used to be a real ne'er-do-well.
I once ate a whole tube of lavender lotion thinking it was cake frosting.
I got real sick and Whiplash got dry shell and he was super mad.
Now, I know not to do it again, even though it was tasty and made my breath smell like a summer meadow.
Thank you.
Well, what do you think of that? [snoring.]
[snores, giggles.]
[growls.]
[grunting.]
Nothing builds respect more than push-ups combined with trivia.
- What's the capital of New Jersey? - Whatever! Wrong! Tallest mountain in Africa? Mount Whatever! [chuckling.]
Nice.
[growls.]
Who was the 28th president? Woodrow Whateverson! Oh, come on! You actually knew that answer! Fifty more push-ups! How about whatever more push-ups? - [both snickering.]
- Yeah.
Whatever.
I don't know but I've been told [both.]
# Whiplash is insanely old! # I didn't tell you that! Stop putting words in my mouth! We did marching, lectures, trust falls, finger-painting.
What do I gotta do to reach out to you guys? [both.]
Reach out to you guys.
- Stop that! - [both.]
Stop that! - I mean it! - [both.]
I mean it! - Hey! - [both.]
Hey! [screaming.]
[laughing.]
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! [Whiplash sobs.]
Hey, man, are you crying? It's all meaningless.
All of it.
We were just goofing around, Mr.
Lash.
But how can I get you kids to respect me if I can't even get you to notice what I'm saying? You know, if you really wanna get noticed, you gotta cause a little trouble.
[sniffling.]
Go on.
What the Ketchup? [doorbell rings.]
Bleh! Smells like lavender! [laughing.]
What the Mustard? [toilet flushing.]
What the Relish? Okay, I should have seen that one coming.
[Whiplash.]
Okay, this is the big one.
I've got a way to really stick it to those squares on the F.
A.
S.
T.
crew.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, bunch of squares and triangles, those guys.
Cool.
I mean, whatever.
What is it? You know, like I care.
We set this stink bomb off during a race.
It'll smell up half the town.
[laughing.]
- Sweet! - All right! That sounds awesome! And turn the speedway into a massive, smoking stink-crater! [thunder rumbling.]
Wait, what? They'll never see it coming! It'll be delicious! [evil laughter.]
Why do you wanna wreck the speedway? You like racing.
I'm all for goofing off and whatever, but this isn't whatever.
This is what-never! Oh, we're way past what-never, boys.
[chuckles.]
We wanna be noticed! This is the way to do it! I don't wanna be noticed like this.
But I thought you liked being troublemakers! Here, Ed, you take the detonator.
Nuh-uh! I'm out! I want out! [screaming.]
That's all I needed to hear.
Okay, guys, come on out! [both.]
Surprise! - Dad? - Dad? No, Deuce.
Whiplash told us the whole plan.
After he filled my shell with relish.
Thanks for that, Whip.
[chuckles.]
That was funny.
And the stink bomb? What if we'd set it off? Like I said, it would be delicious.
- [both gasp.]
- Oozy Cheese? I played you two the whole time.
I knew you'd crack in the end.
[sighs.]
Maybe it's for the best.
I'm not cut out for this rebel lifestyle.
Sorry, Edvard.
Whatever.
We're cool.
And don't you have something to say to Mr.
Whiplash? No.
Do you? [growls.]
[sighs.]
My dad says I'm sorry.
It's cool, Ed.
Nothing wrong with a little rebellion now and then.
- Just can't be a jerk about it, you know.
- Yeah, I know.
Hey! Well, there's only one thing to do.
Cheese fight! Whoo-hoo! [laughing.]
Hey! - [gasps.]
- [growls.]
[laughs.]
Whatever! - Hoist! Pivot! Perpendiculate! - [grunting.]
[Turbo.]
And we're up! All right, camera's rolling.
Thirty-seven thousand dominoes have been meticulously erected.
Now, we only get one shot at this, so everyone be very - [gasps.]
- Huzzah! Greetings, merry mollusks! [all yelling.]
Buster? What are you doing here, little bro-bro? My trusty steed and I are seeking accommodation whilst my castle is besieged by a perilous fog! What does that mean? I need a place to stay while the toy store is being fumigated.
Apparently, it's infested with something.
[shivers.]
Now, what, pray tell, is this delightful dalliance? Ahh! If you must know, we're going for a world record and we don't need you here mucking it up! I think what Chet's saying is, you're our guest.
You don't have to help or anything.
Yeah, and the best place to not help is way up there in the stands, away from all the dominoes.
Then to the stands I shall depart! To observe with wonderment and awe.
That's one small push for a snail, one giant mess to clean up tomorrow.
[dominoes clicking.]
- [cheering.]
- Huzzah! We did it! I know that some snails in this room thought spending ten weeks setting up dominoes was a big waste of time, but you'll see it was all worth it when you watch this! That's one small push for a snail, one giant mess to clean up tomorrow.
Hark, a pesky smudge! I best cleanse it before it ruins their moving pictures.
[squeaking.]
Huzzah! We did it! [chuckles.]
No need to thank me.
Your appreciative glares are all I need.
He ruined our shot at a world record! And I already spent the prize money! There is no prize money.
'Cause we didn't get the record! Gee, guys, I was just trying to help.
Help? Help? I'll show you help! What I think Chet is trying to say is if you're staying here awhile, and you really want to help, you should let us find something for you to do.
Yeah, a task more befitting your knightly skills.
You just want me to stand out here in the tomato patch? What? No! We want you to be the, um Guardian of the Brown Tomato of Great Importance! [sniffs.]
Ooh! That sounds important! It is! Which is why we need you to stay here and guard it, morning, noon, and night.
I humbly accept this noble task.
Cool, bro.
See you Thursday.
A warning to any nefarious ne'er-do-wells.
If you dare intrude upon this sacral fruit, you shall taste my mighty sword! Balestra! Thrust! Riposte! Hyah! [gasps.]
No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! I shall save you, tomato! [horn blaring.]
[honking.]
Disaster averted.
[screaming.]
- [panting.]
- Turbo, you saved my life! [kissing.]
Okay, what's happening here? Lord Turbo, I am henceforth indebted into a life of servitude as your trusty squire! Uh, that's all right, Buster.
It was no problem.
Tut-tut! My knight's code compels me! Now, if I may be so bold as to ask you to mount my mighty mare.
Uh Oh! A toy donkey ride.
Yeah.
Sure, why not? One more plank on the poop deck and the world record for the smallest "Lusitania in a bottle" is ours.
[fanfare plays.]
Introducing Lord Turbo of Turbotown! Thanks, Buster.
I think that's enough.
Nonsense, milord, I shall now prepare you a delectable feast befitting a king! Let me guess.
You saved my little bro-bro's life, and he wants to run around being your minion or something? Squire.
Trust me, T, you're gonna get more than you bargained for.
You gotta nip this thing in the bud, man.
I tried, but Buster seems to really like doing this stuff.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
[clears throat.]
Your feast is prepared, milord! See? This isn't so bad.
[squeaking.]
Ugh! Is this plastic? Verily! It is from the Magic of Muckwoods castle play set.
But it is a feast for our imaginations! Great.
Well, as satisfying as that was, I gotta run.
I got a marathon today.
Lend me your armor, milord! I shall scour it rightly in the castle's washbasin.
No! It shrinks in the wash.
Forgive me, milord, I have failed the task at hand.
You may flog me as you see fit.
It's fine.
I guess I'll just use the loaner.
[sighs.]
[grunting.]
Milord, may I fetch you anything? Perhaps a warm sheep's pelt? What? Why would I need How about you get me something to drink? Hydration! Why, of course.
Your thirst shall be quenched, posthaste! Milord, I have fetched an assortment of waters, ciders and libations to quench your mighty thirst! Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Hmm.
He chose the concentrated onion juice.
[screams.]
It burns so bad! It burns! Be mindful of that wall, milord! [screaming.]
[screaming.]
[splash.]
Be mindful of that moat hole, milord! How else may I be of assistance, Sir Turbo? May I fetch some leeches for your maladies? [Turbo.]
No, Buster.
Sir Turbo? Buster, seriously, you've done enough already.
I'm gonna go take a nice, long shower, so please, just give me some privacy.
Got it? Your wish is my everlasting command! [humming.]
- Greetings, milord! - [screams.]
Buster! I said I wanted privacy.
Which is why I took the liberty of locking us in here so absolutely no one can bother you.
For your lather, milord.
Hey, T, where's Buster? You ditch him at a Ren faire? No.
I just bought myself a few minutes by telling him to polish my coat of arms.
I never thought having a personal assistant would be so exhausting.
What can I do? Believe me, there's only one way to ditch my dweeby baby bro without crushing his soul.
You gotta make him think he's saved your life, so you're even stevens.
I don't know.
Milord, it turns out you were lacking a coat of arms to polish, so I took it upon myself to fashion one from your most prized trophies.
Okay, I'm in.
Sir Turbo is brave [plays mandoline.]
Sir Turbo is strong Sir Turbo is right So you must be wrong - Hey, Buster! - Milord! I just got invited to a last-minute costume party on the other side of town.
Can you whip me up some party snacks and meet me there? Indeed-ably! [oven dings.]
[Turbo.]
Help! Somebody save me! Milord! I am a hungry snake looking for a quick meal.
[gasps.]
Who will save me from this deadly reptile? - I shall save you! - [thunder rumbles.]
Back to the nethers from whence you came, vicious serpent! [grunting.]
Oh, dang, I died now! Way to go, little bro-bro! You saved Turbo's life! Yeah! So I guess we can call off this whole "being my squire" thing, right? Wait a minute! This snake is rubber.
Yeah, um, the thing about that is And prolonged exposure to the chemicals in rubber can have serious risks to your health.
Truly, I doth saved your life! Sure.
Great.
As long as we're even.
Indubitably! Well, now that everything's copacetic, I'm gonna go return this snake to the rental place.
So, are we still going to the costume party? Uh Um [hissing.]
[screaming.]
Buster, you gotta help me! For real! On the honor of Middle Muckwoods, I shall rescue thee from the jaws of great peril! Fear my pointy stick! Come on, man, can't I just have my deposit back? I was here ten minutes ago! Not till I stretch it all the way out and check for stains.
What kind of stains? All kind of stains.
[screaming.]
[screaming.]
[gulps.]
Buster, I can't believe it, you saved my life.
I guess we really are even now.
Actually, by my count, I've now saved your life twice.
Which means you are henceforth indebted to me! Yeah.
Buster, I don't think Hush, lowly serf! And prepare the suckling pig for my nightly feast! And make haste or I shall banish you to the putrid stables! - [sighs.]
Yes, milord.
- And keep the ride steady, lest my horsewhip find your backside! [whip cracks.]