Up All Night (2011) s02e08 Episode Script

Why'd you let him bring the keyboard? - That tomorrow - We don't bet.
- There'll be sun - Everybody.
tomorrow tomorrow I love ya tomorrow You're only a day Away-y-y Hi, A.
Wow.
How was yoga? Yoga has opened my eyes to the world, to myself, to yoga pants.
I mean, look at my butt cheeks.
They have really become something special.
Hello, nice to meet you.
I'm Ava's new butt cheeks.
Hey, next weekend, we're heading up to my dad's cabin in the mountains.
Any chance I could lure you guys along? Gene-bean, that sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
Yeah, we're gonna do the family funlympics with some of the neighboring cabins.
Sack races, jelly bean jar guessing, tug of war.
Just like the real Olympics, only there are no losers.
Sounds great.
We'd love to.
- Great! - Oh! Wonderful! Let me just check the old calendar.
Really, I'm a slave to my calendar.
Oh, look, I got a biz meeting at the biz plaza.
What do you need an excuse for? Did you not just see that whole Reagan, would you please tell him? I don't know.
It's like a free vacation in one of the country's most beautiful national parks.
Wow, we're already halfway to the cabin.
Look, baby, I'm here with Amy all the time cooped up in this house, and I I'd like some fresh air.
I kind of want to do it.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Well, I want to go on the record by saying that it's gonna be weird, not fun, and that, possibly, one of us won't make it back.
Yak, yak.
We're gonna go.
- Yeah, it's gonna be super fun.
- We're doing this.
Oh, stupendous.
Oh, honey.
Do you want to come with? - Oh, no.
- Okay.
Besides, I'm, um, gonna Palm Springs next weekend with some friends.
A whole gang of friends.
Your friends? Summer lovin' had me a blast Summer lovin' happened so fast - I met a girl crazy for me - Ooh - this is wildly inappropriate.
- Wildly.
Oh, poor Ava.
Honey, look at this picture that she just posted on instagram.
Well, feet up by the pool.
Looks pretty great to me.
Honey, the feet up by the pool pic is, like, the loneliest pic in the world.
And look at the caption.
"Having a great time in Palm Springs.
Palmsprings.
Great time.
" Yeah, it's all in caps.
It's like she's screaming out her pain.
I'm gonna call her and see if she'll come up here.
Come on, Amy.
Let's go outside! Great place, gene.
I've never seen this many board games.
Great story.
I inherited those after my uncle's trailer fire.
Games were saved.
My uncle Joe was not so lucky.
"No alcohol or salsa allowed.
" Dad's a real stickler since his lady friend got drunk on taco night and threw up all over the toilet rug.
There's the great story.
Jewel of the nile, V.
I.
Warshawski, baby geniuses.
Your dad's got a real thing for Kathleen Turner, huh? Yeah, it was not good for a while.
Oh, there it is.
Sweet lady.
Hey, do you think it's dangerous to spend an entire weekend in a jacuzzi just to avoid talking to people? You guys are such snobs about g and t.
If you just spent time with them, I really think you'd like them.
I think I know everything I need to know about the Martins.
It's the mardens, with a "d.
" Really? Huh.
You know, I'm really thriving on this Mountain air.
I'm gonna go chop firewood.
- Great.
- She's not picking up.
She always picks up.
Oh, man, the last time she went on one of these sad, solo vacays, she ended up in the Disneyland jail with severe dehydration.
I really hate to do this, babe.
I have to go get her.
No, no, babe, you can't leave me alone up here with the mardens.
Honey, I have to.
Who are the mardens? The Martins are the mardens.
Really? Huh.
I'm sure Ava's fine.
Yeah, but what if she isn't? I'm kind of all she has right now.
All right.
At least Scott's here.
But bring back salsa.
Never realized how much I wanted it until I was told I couldn't have any.
Understood.
No sack races this year, Mary-Lee.
We just didn't eat enough potatoes.
Dean and Mary-Lee.
You'll meet them at the funlympics.
Mary-Lee is the Ryan lochte of the egg and spoon relay.
The only reason I won last year is because she fell in a crevasse.
Oh, oh.
There he is! Hey, Scott.
How you doing, buddy? Tweaked my back chopping wood.
It's from an old injury I got from chopping wood.
Well, then why would you Oh! Our jacuzzi would be great for your back.
Too bad it's infested with centipedes.
Of course it's infested with centipedes.
Hi, excuse me.
Have you seen a lonely, tearful woman drinking Pinot Grigio and taking pictures of her feet? Oh, God, no.
Not quite there yet.
It's fine.
I I'll find her.
Reagan? - Hey.
- Reagan? What are you doing here? And wearing? Don't worry.
I am here now.
Everything is gonna be a-okay.
Well, everything is okay.
I'm on my second frozen Margarita, and Teddy's been feeding me buffalo wings so I don't smudge my kindle.
He's gay, so it's not weird.
Well, now, you can do all that with a good friend, right? - Sure.
- Okay, all right.
Check out the real housewives of lilith fair over there.
Oh, those are my yoga girls.
We all came down together.
Reagan, this is Natasha, my friend and yoga instructor extraordinaire.
- Hi.
- Tash, that's Reagan.
Your mom friend.
Welcome.
Your mom friend? What's that about? You know how people talk in generalities? Like how you refer to me as your famous friend.
I-I don't do that.
Hold on.
Oh, excuse me for one sec.
Hi, Chris.
- How's it going there? - It's terrible, thanks.
Yeah, gene and Terry and I are playing a game of "life," which I'm pretty sure we're playing in real time.
I got automobile insurance.
Chew on that, you so-and-sos.
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad, right? Well, I just found a travel mug full of loose bullets in the utility room.
That seems bad to me.
Why don't you just go hang out with Scott? Scott threw his back out, but don't worry, he took a handful of gene's dad's expired muscle relaxers.
Isn't that right, Scott? I took six, Chris.
I took six.
Yeah, and then he just tried to order a pizza with gene's sleep apnea machine.
So, yeah, I'm gonna need you back here asap.
Uh-huh.
Here's the thing.
Uh, Ava's in really, really bad shape.
Oy, it's really bad.
And I think I really, really need to spend the night here.
No, I'm sorry.
I-I thought I just heard you say that you're gonna spend the night there.
Yeah.
That's what I said.
I'm sorry, it sounded like you said that's what you said.
Honey, I I've Upp bl Recep d You're terrible at the phone cutting out.
Reagan! Reagan, phones do not cut out like Reagan! "Mom friend.
" Come on.
Would a "mom friend" do this? Ahh! Oh, God.
Brain freeze.
Are you all right? Just breathe.
Oh, my God.
It's going in my eyes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hurts so good.
You know what I'm saying? Let's get a few more of those.
Ah, without the ice.
Wow.
Hey.
Gift shop was kind of limited.
It's why I look like Mrs.
roper.
So what are we talking about, lizz-adies? Huh? - Oh! Oh, my God, tashers.
- What? You will not believe who just texted me.
- Who? - Zipper boots.
Zipper boots.
No, he did not.
Zipper boots! Who's zipper boots? He is this hilarious euro-cheeseball that we met at this club "buttleservice" down in Vegas.
You went to ve You went to Vegas? - Mm-hmm.
- Neat.
Neat, that's It's like a really cool thing that I had no idea about.
It's like borderline "secretive," what that is.
It was just a spur of the moment thing.
Don't freak out.
Why would I freak out? Reagan, next time, we all do Vegas.
- Oh.
- Yes! Girls' trip.
Yes, yes, I mean, as long as it's, like, totally spur of the moment, you know, 'cause all I need is, like, a fresh pair of panties and a toothbrush.
You know what I'm sayin'? You don't have to say panties.
That guy knows what I'm talking about.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I made us look.
Who's feelin' wacky snacky? - Oh.
- Huh? Time for some of my secret recipe party mix All right.
And don't you even try and get that secret out of me, Chris.
Ooh.
Don't try.
- I wasn't.
- Hm.
So you're an accountant, right? Mm-hmm.
You work with, um, individuals or or companies or a other thing? Musicians, mostly.
Uh, the red hot chili peppers, metallica, uh, and Mr.
grohl's band.
Mr.
Dave grohl, as in the Foo Fighters? Mm-hmm.
I was just at one of their shows.
Backstage passes, the whole nine.
- That's amazing.
- It's not.
Let's let it go.
It's fine.
Dude, that must have been crazy.
It's not a big deal.
I heard a hubbub.
Did somebody land on payday? Uh, no, gene was just telling me about the Foo Fighters concert that he went to.
Son of a bee.
I wouldn't know anything about that music concert because gene went with his secretary, and since we're spilling secrets, my secret recipe is that I do not put pretzels in my party mix! There! Now everything's on the table! Ter bear.
They play monkey wrench at that, um - Yes.
- Right.
Sorry.
Come on, let's go dance.
Yes.
Come on! Come on, Reagan! Come on, Reagan.
Let's get our dance on! Oh, honey.
Are you are you too tired? Get outta here, girl.
I'm ready to party.
I'm ready to part now.
- Okay.
- I'll be right there.
- I'll be right there.
- Yeah, hurry up.
Hey, Teddy, do you guys have anything that could give me a little bit more energy than this? I could call somebody and get you something a little stronger.
That would be great.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
- Okay.
- Oh, wait, no, no.
No, no, thank you.
Teddy.
Sorry? Terry, come on.
Patty's 58 years old.
For heaven's sake.
She was in a zz top video.
Enough said! Boy, I never thought I'd say these words: Guys, could you please keep it down? I can't hear baby geniuses.
Terry couldn't go to the concert, so I asked Patty.
I Hey, would you try to talk to her? Get her to come out here? Uh, listen, gene, I'm sorry, buddy.
I don't what would I I don't know what to Well, I guess I'm gonna have to bunk down with you tonight.
Hey, Terry, it's Chris.
Chris, is that you? Yeah, I just said it was me.
Terry, look.
I think that you're blowing this whole thing out of proportion.
Gene's secretary's - Gene's like, what, 45? - 34! What? There's no Are you Look, the point is, I think we both know that this guy's never gonna cheat.
Oh, really? Well, f-y-information, gene's cheated before.
How do you think we met? When I met gene, he had a girlfriend Tanya Yet he still engaged in full coitus with me.
I'd love you to never say full coitus again.
Terry, you knew what you were doing Seducing me with the denim culottes and the Berry-flavored blistex.
Terry, he chose you.
You fell in love.
Happily ever after.
Are we done here? No, because if he did it with me, it could happen again.
And it was mint blistex.
Wow.
There's not a bag of guns to go with that mug of bullets, is there? What? No! Come on! One more song.
One More song.
One more song.
If you clap, he'll come back.
Reagan, you doin' okay? Yep.
You know, in yoga, we have a saying: "Only a quiet mind can be in the now.
" - I am in the now.
- Yeah? I am so in the now right now.
With my energy drinks, I'm so in the now.
You know what? Maybe you should slow down on those, Reagan.
Maybe I should, Natasha! Why don't I go get us all some water? Yeah, that's a good idea.
All right.
Come on, Reagan.
You do not have to feel like you have to keep up with Natasha.
I'm not.
I'm not, and you know what? Why don't you just admit to the fact that you didn't invite me to Vegas because you didn't want to have your stupid old mom friend come along.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to invite you every time I go somewhere.
Should I have taken you with me when I went to the spa last week - to get a hot stone massage? - Yeah! You should've.
- That was a bad example, but - You know what? I'm just gonna say this.
I don't like your new friends, and I don't think you should hang out with them anymore, and that is final.
Ugh.
I am going upstairs to Natasha's room, and you are "officially" invited.
And I'm officially turning down your invitation, 'cause I'm gonna go climb back up "mom Mountain.
" Well, don't forget your visor.
Oh, I won't, 'cause I already put it in the car.
Keys, ma'am.
Thank you, sir.
Have a good night.
you know it clap your hands If you're happy and you know it Clap your hands If you're happy and you know it Then your face will surely show it If you're happy and you know it Clap your hands How are things going out there? Let me give you the bullet points.
"Hey, Chris, you gotta get to know your neighbors.
" "Okay, Scott, I will.
Hey, uh, gene, why don't you tell me about yourself?" "Well, I'm an accountant for the Foo Fighters, "and, uh, I like to have guns around "and mugs full of bullets everywhere, and and, uh my wife has deep-seated trust issues!" "And I'm Terry, "and I like to put on a fresh coat of blistex before I engage in full coitus.
" That's how it's going, man.
You've only gone halfway.
In order to truly get to know gene and Terry, you need to let them know you.
Only then may you return them to their natural state.
Man, what was in those pills? I can't believe I'm doing this.
- Heavenly father - No, no.
No, no, no.
- I'm not - Oh.
When Reagan and I started dating, there was someone else.
Feelings were hurt.
Tears were shed.
You were dating someone else? Reagan was.
The tears were mine.
Then you know how I feel.
You were jealous too? Jealous of a scratch golfer with a superman chin who made a ton of money in real estate when everyone else was losing their shirts? Yeah, but let's not dwell on that.
Speaking of which, his house was in dwell magazine last June.
Last June? - But how would you even - Here's the deal, gene-o.
I Google him, okay? I may have even set up a Facebook profile under the name "Jonathan breakfast" to keep an eye on his pictures and interests.
That's a clear violation of their terms of service.
Jonathan breakfast? I'm not proud of any of this.
I didn't even tell Reagan about most of this stuff, because Well, 'cause I realized that no matter how much that guy's got, I have the one thing that he'll never have.
Just like I have you, gene-bean.
Ter-bear.
Oh! You get in here too, Chris.
No, no, no, no.
Okay, all right, coming in.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Chris.
Aw, you're welcome.
Come on! Let's get in a line.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the funlympics! Ugh.
Yeah, are we really doing the dumblympics right now? Babe, it's the funlympics, and we should respect the host cabin.
Okay, before we get started, let me go through the rules.
What happened up here last night? Have fun.
Have more fun.
Stay away from the crevasse.
- Why? - People have died.
Have even more fun! All right.
Hey, honey? I wasn't entirely honest with you.
Um, Ava wasn't in trouble.
She was sitting there with, like, all these new friends, and drinking, and laughing, and having a blast, and I just felt so disconnected from her, so I stayed.
I'm sorry.
Well, babe, Ava loves you.
I know she loves me, but I used to be her fun friend, man.
Now I'm just her, like, mom friend.
Could I get any lamer? Let the games of the 23rd funlympiad Get funky! But not near the crevasse.
But get funky anywhere over here.
Yes, it can.
On your Mark.
Get set.
Fun! - Wait, is "fun" the cue? - Go.
Oh, "fun," means "go.
" I know this probably seems corny to you, Reagan.
No, no.
You know, if you just tell that mean old judge Judy inside your head to quiet down, you might get a real kick out of what's going on right now.
Kind of like, "only the quiet mind can be in the now"? Exactly.
Huh.
I'm gonna write that on an index card and post it in my office/laundry room.
Okeydokey.
Whoa! Oops.
I woke up and wished that I was dead With an aching in my head I lay motionless in bed the night is here and the day is gone Whoops.
And the world spins madly on I thought of you and where you'd gone It's my turn? It's my turn? - Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Ooh, don't drop it, don't drop it! You got it.
Go, go, go, go.
Ah.
- Aah! - That's it, Reagan! Yeah! Get around that thing! Oh!- Yeah! And she's down! - Yeah, yeah! - Come on! That's my boy! Look at me, honey! I'm carrying an egg on a spoon, and I'm wearing a visor, and I don't even care.
It was a good game, though.
I like this game.
Okay, who's ready for our next event? The free-smile competition! Oh! I am.
I mean I am.
It's a parade of champions.
Smile to win, guys.
Smile to win.
Aw, good one, honey.
Good job! Wow! Excellent job.
There's one that That's cheating.
You're disqualified.
Beat it.
Wow! And oh, hold the smiles.
- Reagan! - I think we It's worse than I thought.
It's a cult.
What are you doing here? - I'm getting you out of here.
- What are you doing? I was about to win the whole thing! Let's go, go.
Let's get out of here.
You don't know what the prize is.
Oh, God, I was so worried when you left.
- Are you all right? - Yes! Where did they touch you? - I'm fine, honey.
I'm fine.
- You are? I don't need to be rescued.
- Yes.
- Really? Honey, I'm so sorry that I crashed your thing and was acting like such an amped-out maniac.
Yeah, you were, uh, a super freakazoid.
- Yes, I know.
- I kinda liked it.
Really? Yeah, 'cause, you know, I'm usually the maniac.
Remember that time you had to bail me out of Disneyland jail? Well, you cannot hit snow white with a churro.
I know that now.
Look, Reagan, - I know I've got new friends - Yeah.
But they're my yoga friends, you know? You are my best friend.
Aw.
And as your best friend, I just have to tell you you gotta lose the visor.
- No! - It's a real fashion no-no.
- Hey, Ava.
- Hi! You gonna stick around for a little bit? You know, I could really use a stiff drink.
- Mm.
- Sorry.
Dry house.
Yeah, not anymore, huh? - Yes! - Nice! Right? Guys, I couldn't I could let it Funlympics I love ya Funlympics you're only a weekend away This happens every weekend? Funlympics I love ya Oh, come on, honey.
Just enjoy it.
Seriously, what went on up here? Talkin' 'bout fun, fun, fun You gotta run, run, run Funlympics, yo Talkin' 'bout fun, fun, fun You gotta run, run, run Nobody quits until we're done Unless you want to yeah, we're not doing this next weekend.
Oh, no, we're not.