Wrecked (2016) s02e08 Episode Script
Speed
1 Previously on "Wrecked" The pirates came here on a cruise ship? Specifically, a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute cruise? Full throttle.
- We're going home! - (CHEERING) This thing whole thing with Owen and Florence, it's like, "Remember me, your old best friend?" you really think I was gonna let you rot in the pit your whole life? Come here.
What? I'm sorry.
Who are you? It's me Corey.
Do you not know who I am? - Who the hell is this guy? - Corey! I've literally been on the island the entire time.
- Will you marry me, like, for reals? - Yes! - (LAUGHS) Yeah! - (SQUEALS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, AIR HISSES) (LAUGHING) TODD: Announcement time, dummies, so shut up and listen to smokin'-hot fiancée.
Babe? So, all this time out here on the boat It's really given us a chance to think.
You know, the reality is, when we get back home, we'll probably all go our separate ways.
That's why while we're all still here, - me and Todd are getting - We're getting married! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Yeah! Right here on the boat.
You guys are all invited.
And we wanted to tell you guys first, because, well, you guys are our best friends.
Aww.
COREY: And you're our best friends! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Wow! Todd and Jess finally wed! Yeah! I just got to say, watching your love blossom these past few months has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life Of our lives.
Oh, my God.
I should officiate the wedding.
I'm ordained.
It would be such an honor.
That's, of course, if you'll have me.
Who are you, bro? - What? 7 - Who are you? Who am I? I'm Corey.
Corey.
Corey! Seriously?! Co I saved your life! I saved your life from him! No, I don't think so.
Yes, I did! I absolutely did! Florence, you remember! (CHUCKLING) Okay.
Okay.
I get it.
I see what's going on here.
You're pulling my chain.
(CHUCKLES) You're joshin' me.
It's not gonna work this time, Todd.
- Seriously, Josh, I don't - Corey! My name is Corey! Say it! Say it at the same time that I say it! - Gordy.
- Cor Corey! I'm gonna wear this dead lady's dress to the wedding.
What are you gonna wear? Yeah.
You know what? I was thinking that, uh I might not go to the wedding, so What are you talking about? It's Todd and Jess.
They are literally the only other couple we know.
See, that's the thing, though.
It's like Man, are we even a couple? What?! Okay, it's like we just started hooking up, right? We're probably gonna get rescued soon, and then I-I think I think I'm just unclear on, like, what is supposed to happen when we get back.
'Cause we don't even live in the same city, so does that mean that one of us is gonna, like, move to the other city? Am I gonna, like, pack up all my stuff? Am I gonna help you pack up all your stuff? Like, how Okay.
Have you seen the movie "Speed"? - Of course.
- Okay.
In the movie "Speed," Sandra Bullock and Keanu fall in love on a speeding bus, right? But then by the time that "Speed 2: Cruise Control" come out, they're not together anymore.
Why do you think that is? 'Cause Keanu didn't want to do the sequel? No, it's because their relationship only worked in a time of crisis.
Sorry, what does this have to do with Todd and Jess' wedding? Going to a wedding is something that normal couples do, and we don't even know if we're ever gonna be a normal couple.
That's (SCOFFS) Okay.
You know, I'm not gonna let your weird relationship hang-ups ruin this wedding for me, and I certainly won't let it ruin "Speed.
" (DOOR CLOSES) - Oh! Pack! (CHUCKLES) - Hey.
Fancy seeing you here in the captain's quarters.
I guess we both had the same idea.
- Yeah.
Find a suit.
- Jerk off on the bed and wipe my knob on the curtains.
What did you say? What What did you say? I'm looking for a suit.
Yeah, same Looking for a suit.
Okay.
Yeah.
So let's do it.
Let's look for those suits.
Okay.
Aha! Lucky days! Look at that Captain's whites! You know, I could have been in the navy.
I had the height, but, of course, I can't swim.
I look good in white.
Shut up! Shut up! PACK: I think I found something! There's no need to be rude.
We both found things.
Oh, my God! Don't jump! (LAUGHS) Okay.
What are you doing out here, man? Where's Florence? I don't know.
We kind of had a fight.
Oh, no! That sucks.
See, I'm just trying to explain to her that right now, we might feel like Keanu and Bullock in "Speed," but when we get home and we're not in danger anymore, we might feel more like - "SPEED 2: Cruise Control.
" - Thank you.
You get me.
Yeah, I get it.
You're totally Keanu.
And if she doesn't think that, then psh! Let her go find some Jason Patric.
Totally.
Who? What? - Jason Patric.
- Who's that? The guy that replaced Keanu in "Speed 2.
" They replaced Keanu? Now, he and Sandy They had chemistry.
But Keanu was never supposed to be with her in the first place.
He was supposed to be with his bud, Jeff Daniels, 'cause Jeff Daniels was the guy in his ear the whole time.
Okay, good.
Good.
Yeah.
I got to go find Florence.
I got to apologize.
Thank you, Danny.
$165,000! Guy Ritchie! But who do you think left it here? The pirates! Steve, this is a pirate ship! Oh, yeah.
I mean, obviously.
Yeah, the pirates.
Good.
So, we'll split it up with the rest of them.
What's $165,000 divided by 35? Uh I want to say $7? $7? What if we didn't share it with the others? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - Keep it a secret? - Think about it.
If we split it with everyone, that's like $7.
Exactly.
But if we split it just between the two of us, then that's like 8 7 80 uh, pretty much $80,000.
Wow! Pretty much $80,000? And if you want to keep that pretty much $80,000 we're gonna have to keep this between us.
Ohh.
I got to warn you, I can't keep a secret.
- You're a grown man.
- It's burning inside me already.
- I'm gonna tell someone.
- Steve, just Steve.
- Ohh! - Lock it up.
(INHALES DEEPLY) Okay.
It's locked.
You know, um, you look like a born-again Hey, Florence.
Wow.
You look incredible.
- Hi, Chris.
- It's Corey.
Whatever.
Florence, I wonder if I could talk to you alone for just a moment about the wedding.
Um, it's funny you mention that, because Chris here just asked me if I want to go with him, 'cause Chris likes weddings and he's not weird about them.
Isn't that right, Chris? Yeah.
TBH, I love weddings.
(CHUCKLING) And, actually, it's, uh, Corey, but I can tell that Owen's getting you flustered, so it's no big deal.
I'm sorry, aren't you supposed to be officiating? Um, a minister can have a date, Owen.
It's not the Dark Ages.
(BOTH LAUGH) Oh, my God! (LAUGHS) And you're fine with that, right, because we're not a normal couple? No, I'm great with it.
I wan you to go.
Good.
Because it's happening! I'm gonna go to this frickin' wedding with this guy, and we're gonna have a great frickin' time! Great! I hope you do! OMG! Corey, she is into you, bud.
She's into you.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) (WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING ON GUITAR) Oh, man.
- (SIGHS) - (CHUCKLES) What can I say, man? Oh, wow.
Wow.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate love.
Let's face it Todd and Jess are basically the Jim and Pam of the island.
- At least that's what she said.
- (LAUGHTER) - That's - (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) Your suit looks good, man.
Ohh.
I cannot believe that she came to this wedding with that.
It, uh It's my understanding that I mean, look at him.
He's goofy.
The guy's goofy.
Dude, I know you're bummed, but look on the bright side.
Now you get to hang with the Dan Man! Hey, can you guys shut the [BLEEP.]
up?! I'm trying to listen to the vows! Jesus.
ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! (CHEERING) Ohhhh! (LAUGHS) Whoo! Oh, God, the money I can't stop thinking about it.
Look at everyone.
They can smell it on us.
Jesus, Steve, chill out! Pack! Steve! Thank you guys for coming! Oh, my God.
I love the suits! You guys are killing it! Oh, please.
The only one in white who matters today - is this lady angel.
(LAUGHS) - Oh, stop.
You look like 165,000 bucks.
A million bucks! I mean a million.
That's insane.
Who even has $165,000? (CHUCKLES) Certainly not me.
Or him.
So, we Okay, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to the bar.
Congrats again, Jess.
You look radiant.
- Ah, thank you.
- Pull yourself together, man! Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.
(LAUGHS) You're right.
I shoul do something.
What? (FEEDBACK) Uh, can I have your attention, please? - I'd like to make a toast.
- TODD: Yeah! - (CHEERING) - Roast me, pretty boy! Come on! Yeah, I'm not I'm not really much of a wedding guy.
In fact, I-I usually try and avoid 'em.
But, um, when I see what Todd and Jess have together, it makes me reconsider.
Telling someone how you feel about them can can be scary.
You know, it all happens so fast.
But if you're lucky enough to find someone in this world that makes you happy, then you should do whatever it takes to hold on to them at whatever speed.
To Todd and Jess! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Yeah! (CRYING) You got me, man.
He got me, everybody.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) I found some money.
Cool! I had to tell someone.
And you're a bit of a lost vagrant, caught between the tides.
It's not like you're gonna tell anyone.
- (CHUCKLES) - Speaking of finding shit, though What's that? It's kush.
It's weed.
You want to toke some? Um, no, I'm good for now.
- You've already had a little? - Yeah, I've had a "lottle.
" Oh, I feel much better.
How much scratch did you find, anyway? Oh, around $165,000.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) Well, ain't that somethin'? How 'bout that speech, huh, Corky? That Owen's got himself a silver tongue.
Yeah, I guess.
Honestly, he's really starting to piss me off.
Tell me about it.
Looked like he and Florence were vibing pretty hard.
What are you saying? Oh, just if you don't do something, pretty soon, he might be using that silver tongue on her.
On her? What does that even (GASPS) You got to fight for what's yours, buddy.
Oh, my God.
Everything's in the groove The love I have for you Oh, baby When I'm with you - So, uh - Everything's all right Chet has a gun to my back.
What? 'Sup, Pack? Where's my money, dickface? I left you alone for two minutes! You told him about the money?! The guy could barely string a sentence together! How did he get a gun?! There's a lot we don't know about Chester Montgomery.
- Your name is Chester Montgomery?7 - It has to be.
- Wow.
- Now, here's what we're gonna do.
The three of us are gonna stroll out of here real mellow.
Okay? And then you're gonna take me straight to that bag of cash.
- Get it? - Yeah.
Everything is all right Congratulations, kids.
TODD: Hey, thanks, broseph.
You know you light me up inside You know you turn me on You've got me burnin' up Girl, you've got it goin' on Owen! Oh, my God! Dude, that speech up there was absolutely incredible! Just kidding.
I hated your stupid speech.
What? Wow.
This suit who has had a chance to drink this thing in? That is a sharp suit.
Psych-out again.
I hate your stupid little suit, except for the embroidery on back, which is actually pretty bad-ass.
Hey, man, why don't you just relax? (MOCKINGLY) "Hey, man, why don't you just relax?" (NORMAL VOICE) Why don't you relax, okay? Florence chose me, not you, so stay away from her or else.
This has been an incredible chat! When you guys get a sec, you got to talk to this guy.
Lot of wisdom, lot of knowledge.
Dude, we have got to hang out, and we will.
You know we will.
Just kidding.
I would never hang out with you in any situation.
Pull the money out, Pack.
Ah.
Don't try anything, or I'll go, "Blap! Blap, blap, blap, blap, blap, blap!" Oh, so many blaps.
So, what, Chet? What's your plan? You're gonna take the money and swim for it? - Y-You're gonna kill us first? - Take it from me, Chet - You don't want to kill anyone.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, you think I haven't killed someone before?! Trust me, these dirty hands have killed many people! Oh! Oh! And for 165 thou, I'll kill again - Anybody that stands in my - (CLATTERING) You were threatening my life with a beer bottle?! (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) I'll kill you! (BOTH GRUNTING) Steve, what are you doing?! Aaah! I'm gonna thumb his eyes out! Aah! Stop! Aah! (GRUNTS) Steve, you just said you don't want to kill anyone! I don't know what came over me.
Ugh! The son of a bitch clocked me.
The money! He took the money! Get him! Right! Oh, oh, oh, yeah Hey.
Listen, that speech was just Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speech.
Whatever.
Listen, that guy that you're with - Kyle, Kirk, whatever his name is - Carl.
Okay, whatever.
That guy is a total psycho, and you need to get away from him, like, right now.
What is wrong with you? First you tell me you don't want to come to the wedding, and then you show up and make some big speech, and now you're acting jealous? Jealous? Yeah.
Is a lion jealous of a potato? Oh, my God.
You think you're a lion? Well, I'm certainly not a potato! - (CHUCKLES) - Hey, Florence.
Everything okay over here? Yeah.
Couldn't be better.
Hey, but let's go dance.
I frickin' love this song.
- (NELLY'S "HOT IN HERRE" PLAYS) - Yeah, I'd love to.
We'll be right back, except no, we won't.
Oh! Hey, man.
Uh, sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some, and sometimes you drink some.
(LAUGHS) Okay, thanks.
She's just doing this to make me jealous.
Hey, Karen let's dance.
It's about [BLEEP.]
time.
Good gracious, ass is bodacious, unh Flirtatious, tryin' to show patience Yah! Huh! It's mine! Waitin' for the right time to flash them keys Then, um, I'm leavin', please believin' Me and the rest of my heathens Check it, got it locked at the top of the Four Seasons Penthouse, rooftop, birds I'm feedin' No deceivin', nothin' up my sleeve No teasin' I need you to get up, up on the dance floor Give that man what he askin' for 'Cause I feel like bustin' loose And I feel like touchin' you Unh, unh And can't nobody stop the juice So, baby, tell me, what's the use? I said, "It's gettin' hot in here" So what? So take off all your clothes I am gettin' so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off It's gettin' hot in here So what? So take off all your clothes Ohhh! Ohh! Sorry! I am gettin' so hot I'm gonna take my clothes off Aah! Uh-uh-uh-uh-yuh! Mix a little bit of ah, ah With a little bit of ah, ah Let it just fall out Give a little bit of ah, ah With a little bit of ah, ah Let it hang all out With a little bit of ah, ah And a sprinkle of that ah, ah Let it just fall out I like it when you ah, ah Girl, baby, make it ah, ah Ohh One more step and I'll drop it! - (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - Don't do it.
Look at us! We're slapping the shit out of each other, and for what?! For the money, asshole! It's just the money, but don't don't I said no more steps! - (WATER SPLASHES) - Yah-ha-ah! Noooooooooooo! Noooooooooooo! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) I see what you're doing.
You're using me to make your girlfriend jealous.
Well, let me tell you something, pal.
I am in-to it.
Ah.
Hey.
Karen, hey.
Ooh.
Karen, I think you have the wrong idea.
Oh, shh.
No judgment.
Unh.
COREY: This is the greatest night of my entire life.
It just feels so right, you know?! Florence! Florence, wait! Hey! Hey! Florence, that wasn't what it looked like! Oh, really? Because what it looked like is you were being a real horse's ass.
This is exactly why I didn't even want to go to the wedding in the first place, because I knew it was gonna turn into some stupid fight! A fight you caused by acting like a total lunatic! I know I'm acting like a lunatic, and I can't seem to stop myself because I have feelings for you! That's funny, 'cause I have feelings for you, too! That's great, because when we finally get home from this thing, I'd really like to make this work! Then we are totally on the same page! Well, then, why didn't we just say that in the first place?! 'Cause communication is really (VOICE BREAKING) hard.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) STEVE: Maybe it's better the money's gone.
I'm sorry I went all Wall Street on you dudes back there.
That's not me.
Did you say that you killed someone? (LAUGHING) What? No, Pack.
What? Absolutely not.
I might have.
There's a small chance that that's 100% true.
Hey, you want to get some cake? Oh, God.
Yes.
Yeah.
Pack? I'm way too lifted to walk.
Hey.
Thanks for pulling us in from the edge.
- The edge? - Yeah.
- The edge.
- What edge? The edge of time.
I've been to the edge of time? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - (TO THE TUNE OF "HAVA NAGILA") - Hot dog Tequila hot dog Tequila hot dog Tequila hot dog - (SONG ENGS) - Ohh.
- (UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC PLAYS) - Oh, shit.
- Conga! - (ALL CHEER)
- We're going home! - (CHEERING) This thing whole thing with Owen and Florence, it's like, "Remember me, your old best friend?" you really think I was gonna let you rot in the pit your whole life? Come here.
What? I'm sorry.
Who are you? It's me Corey.
Do you not know who I am? - Who the hell is this guy? - Corey! I've literally been on the island the entire time.
- Will you marry me, like, for reals? - Yes! - (LAUGHS) Yeah! - (SQUEALS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, AIR HISSES) (LAUGHING) TODD: Announcement time, dummies, so shut up and listen to smokin'-hot fiancée.
Babe? So, all this time out here on the boat It's really given us a chance to think.
You know, the reality is, when we get back home, we'll probably all go our separate ways.
That's why while we're all still here, - me and Todd are getting - We're getting married! - (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) - Yeah! Right here on the boat.
You guys are all invited.
And we wanted to tell you guys first, because, well, you guys are our best friends.
Aww.
COREY: And you're our best friends! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Wow! Todd and Jess finally wed! Yeah! I just got to say, watching your love blossom these past few months has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life Of our lives.
Oh, my God.
I should officiate the wedding.
I'm ordained.
It would be such an honor.
That's, of course, if you'll have me.
Who are you, bro? - What? 7 - Who are you? Who am I? I'm Corey.
Corey.
Corey! Seriously?! Co I saved your life! I saved your life from him! No, I don't think so.
Yes, I did! I absolutely did! Florence, you remember! (CHUCKLING) Okay.
Okay.
I get it.
I see what's going on here.
You're pulling my chain.
(CHUCKLES) You're joshin' me.
It's not gonna work this time, Todd.
- Seriously, Josh, I don't - Corey! My name is Corey! Say it! Say it at the same time that I say it! - Gordy.
- Cor Corey! I'm gonna wear this dead lady's dress to the wedding.
What are you gonna wear? Yeah.
You know what? I was thinking that, uh I might not go to the wedding, so What are you talking about? It's Todd and Jess.
They are literally the only other couple we know.
See, that's the thing, though.
It's like Man, are we even a couple? What?! Okay, it's like we just started hooking up, right? We're probably gonna get rescued soon, and then I-I think I think I'm just unclear on, like, what is supposed to happen when we get back.
'Cause we don't even live in the same city, so does that mean that one of us is gonna, like, move to the other city? Am I gonna, like, pack up all my stuff? Am I gonna help you pack up all your stuff? Like, how Okay.
Have you seen the movie "Speed"? - Of course.
- Okay.
In the movie "Speed," Sandra Bullock and Keanu fall in love on a speeding bus, right? But then by the time that "Speed 2: Cruise Control" come out, they're not together anymore.
Why do you think that is? 'Cause Keanu didn't want to do the sequel? No, it's because their relationship only worked in a time of crisis.
Sorry, what does this have to do with Todd and Jess' wedding? Going to a wedding is something that normal couples do, and we don't even know if we're ever gonna be a normal couple.
That's (SCOFFS) Okay.
You know, I'm not gonna let your weird relationship hang-ups ruin this wedding for me, and I certainly won't let it ruin "Speed.
" (DOOR CLOSES) - Oh! Pack! (CHUCKLES) - Hey.
Fancy seeing you here in the captain's quarters.
I guess we both had the same idea.
- Yeah.
Find a suit.
- Jerk off on the bed and wipe my knob on the curtains.
What did you say? What What did you say? I'm looking for a suit.
Yeah, same Looking for a suit.
Okay.
Yeah.
So let's do it.
Let's look for those suits.
Okay.
Aha! Lucky days! Look at that Captain's whites! You know, I could have been in the navy.
I had the height, but, of course, I can't swim.
I look good in white.
Shut up! Shut up! PACK: I think I found something! There's no need to be rude.
We both found things.
Oh, my God! Don't jump! (LAUGHS) Okay.
What are you doing out here, man? Where's Florence? I don't know.
We kind of had a fight.
Oh, no! That sucks.
See, I'm just trying to explain to her that right now, we might feel like Keanu and Bullock in "Speed," but when we get home and we're not in danger anymore, we might feel more like - "SPEED 2: Cruise Control.
" - Thank you.
You get me.
Yeah, I get it.
You're totally Keanu.
And if she doesn't think that, then psh! Let her go find some Jason Patric.
Totally.
Who? What? - Jason Patric.
- Who's that? The guy that replaced Keanu in "Speed 2.
" They replaced Keanu? Now, he and Sandy They had chemistry.
But Keanu was never supposed to be with her in the first place.
He was supposed to be with his bud, Jeff Daniels, 'cause Jeff Daniels was the guy in his ear the whole time.
Okay, good.
Good.
Yeah.
I got to go find Florence.
I got to apologize.
Thank you, Danny.
$165,000! Guy Ritchie! But who do you think left it here? The pirates! Steve, this is a pirate ship! Oh, yeah.
I mean, obviously.
Yeah, the pirates.
Good.
So, we'll split it up with the rest of them.
What's $165,000 divided by 35? Uh I want to say $7? $7? What if we didn't share it with the others? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - Keep it a secret? - Think about it.
If we split it with everyone, that's like $7.
Exactly.
But if we split it just between the two of us, then that's like 8 7 80 uh, pretty much $80,000.
Wow! Pretty much $80,000? And if you want to keep that pretty much $80,000 we're gonna have to keep this between us.
Ohh.
I got to warn you, I can't keep a secret.
- You're a grown man.
- It's burning inside me already.
- I'm gonna tell someone.
- Steve, just Steve.
- Ohh! - Lock it up.
(INHALES DEEPLY) Okay.
It's locked.
You know, um, you look like a born-again Hey, Florence.
Wow.
You look incredible.
- Hi, Chris.
- It's Corey.
Whatever.
Florence, I wonder if I could talk to you alone for just a moment about the wedding.
Um, it's funny you mention that, because Chris here just asked me if I want to go with him, 'cause Chris likes weddings and he's not weird about them.
Isn't that right, Chris? Yeah.
TBH, I love weddings.
(CHUCKLING) And, actually, it's, uh, Corey, but I can tell that Owen's getting you flustered, so it's no big deal.
I'm sorry, aren't you supposed to be officiating? Um, a minister can have a date, Owen.
It's not the Dark Ages.
(BOTH LAUGH) Oh, my God! (LAUGHS) And you're fine with that, right, because we're not a normal couple? No, I'm great with it.
I wan you to go.
Good.
Because it's happening! I'm gonna go to this frickin' wedding with this guy, and we're gonna have a great frickin' time! Great! I hope you do! OMG! Corey, she is into you, bud.
She's into you.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) (WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING ON GUITAR) Oh, man.
- (SIGHS) - (CHUCKLES) What can I say, man? Oh, wow.
Wow.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate love.
Let's face it Todd and Jess are basically the Jim and Pam of the island.
- At least that's what she said.
- (LAUGHTER) - That's - (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) Your suit looks good, man.
Ohh.
I cannot believe that she came to this wedding with that.
It, uh It's my understanding that I mean, look at him.
He's goofy.
The guy's goofy.
Dude, I know you're bummed, but look on the bright side.
Now you get to hang with the Dan Man! Hey, can you guys shut the [BLEEP.]
up?! I'm trying to listen to the vows! Jesus.
ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! (CHEERING) Ohhhh! (LAUGHS) Whoo! Oh, God, the money I can't stop thinking about it.
Look at everyone.
They can smell it on us.
Jesus, Steve, chill out! Pack! Steve! Thank you guys for coming! Oh, my God.
I love the suits! You guys are killing it! Oh, please.
The only one in white who matters today - is this lady angel.
(LAUGHS) - Oh, stop.
You look like 165,000 bucks.
A million bucks! I mean a million.
That's insane.
Who even has $165,000? (CHUCKLES) Certainly not me.
Or him.
So, we Okay, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to the bar.
Congrats again, Jess.
You look radiant.
- Ah, thank you.
- Pull yourself together, man! Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.
(LAUGHS) You're right.
I shoul do something.
What? (FEEDBACK) Uh, can I have your attention, please? - I'd like to make a toast.
- TODD: Yeah! - (CHEERING) - Roast me, pretty boy! Come on! Yeah, I'm not I'm not really much of a wedding guy.
In fact, I-I usually try and avoid 'em.
But, um, when I see what Todd and Jess have together, it makes me reconsider.
Telling someone how you feel about them can can be scary.
You know, it all happens so fast.
But if you're lucky enough to find someone in this world that makes you happy, then you should do whatever it takes to hold on to them at whatever speed.
To Todd and Jess! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Yeah! (CRYING) You got me, man.
He got me, everybody.
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) (EXHALES SHARPLY) (EXHALES SHARPLY) I found some money.
Cool! I had to tell someone.
And you're a bit of a lost vagrant, caught between the tides.
It's not like you're gonna tell anyone.
- (CHUCKLES) - Speaking of finding shit, though What's that? It's kush.
It's weed.
You want to toke some? Um, no, I'm good for now.
- You've already had a little? - Yeah, I've had a "lottle.
" Oh, I feel much better.
How much scratch did you find, anyway? Oh, around $165,000.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) Well, ain't that somethin'? How 'bout that speech, huh, Corky? That Owen's got himself a silver tongue.
Yeah, I guess.
Honestly, he's really starting to piss me off.
Tell me about it.
Looked like he and Florence were vibing pretty hard.
What are you saying? Oh, just if you don't do something, pretty soon, he might be using that silver tongue on her.
On her? What does that even (GASPS) You got to fight for what's yours, buddy.
Oh, my God.
Everything's in the groove The love I have for you Oh, baby When I'm with you - So, uh - Everything's all right Chet has a gun to my back.
What? 'Sup, Pack? Where's my money, dickface? I left you alone for two minutes! You told him about the money?! The guy could barely string a sentence together! How did he get a gun?! There's a lot we don't know about Chester Montgomery.
- Your name is Chester Montgomery?7 - It has to be.
- Wow.
- Now, here's what we're gonna do.
The three of us are gonna stroll out of here real mellow.
Okay? And then you're gonna take me straight to that bag of cash.
- Get it? - Yeah.
Everything is all right Congratulations, kids.
TODD: Hey, thanks, broseph.
You know you light me up inside You know you turn me on You've got me burnin' up Girl, you've got it goin' on Owen! Oh, my God! Dude, that speech up there was absolutely incredible! Just kidding.
I hated your stupid speech.
What? Wow.
This suit who has had a chance to drink this thing in? That is a sharp suit.
Psych-out again.
I hate your stupid little suit, except for the embroidery on back, which is actually pretty bad-ass.
Hey, man, why don't you just relax? (MOCKINGLY) "Hey, man, why don't you just relax?" (NORMAL VOICE) Why don't you relax, okay? Florence chose me, not you, so stay away from her or else.
This has been an incredible chat! When you guys get a sec, you got to talk to this guy.
Lot of wisdom, lot of knowledge.
Dude, we have got to hang out, and we will.
You know we will.
Just kidding.
I would never hang out with you in any situation.
Pull the money out, Pack.
Ah.
Don't try anything, or I'll go, "Blap! Blap, blap, blap, blap, blap, blap!" Oh, so many blaps.
So, what, Chet? What's your plan? You're gonna take the money and swim for it? - Y-You're gonna kill us first? - Take it from me, Chet - You don't want to kill anyone.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, you think I haven't killed someone before?! Trust me, these dirty hands have killed many people! Oh! Oh! And for 165 thou, I'll kill again - Anybody that stands in my - (CLATTERING) You were threatening my life with a beer bottle?! (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) I'll kill you! (BOTH GRUNTING) Steve, what are you doing?! Aaah! I'm gonna thumb his eyes out! Aah! Stop! Aah! (GRUNTS) Steve, you just said you don't want to kill anyone! I don't know what came over me.
Ugh! The son of a bitch clocked me.
The money! He took the money! Get him! Right! Oh, oh, oh, yeah Hey.
Listen, that speech was just Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speech.
Whatever.
Listen, that guy that you're with - Kyle, Kirk, whatever his name is - Carl.
Okay, whatever.
That guy is a total psycho, and you need to get away from him, like, right now.
What is wrong with you? First you tell me you don't want to come to the wedding, and then you show up and make some big speech, and now you're acting jealous? Jealous? Yeah.
Is a lion jealous of a potato? Oh, my God.
You think you're a lion? Well, I'm certainly not a potato! - (CHUCKLES) - Hey, Florence.
Everything okay over here? Yeah.
Couldn't be better.
Hey, but let's go dance.
I frickin' love this song.
- (NELLY'S "HOT IN HERRE" PLAYS) - Yeah, I'd love to.
We'll be right back, except no, we won't.
Oh! Hey, man.
Uh, sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some, and sometimes you drink some.
(LAUGHS) Okay, thanks.
She's just doing this to make me jealous.
Hey, Karen let's dance.
It's about [BLEEP.]
time.
Good gracious, ass is bodacious, unh Flirtatious, tryin' to show patience Yah! Huh! It's mine! Waitin' for the right time to flash them keys Then, um, I'm leavin', please believin' Me and the rest of my heathens Check it, got it locked at the top of the Four Seasons Penthouse, rooftop, birds I'm feedin' No deceivin', nothin' up my sleeve No teasin' I need you to get up, up on the dance floor Give that man what he askin' for 'Cause I feel like bustin' loose And I feel like touchin' you Unh, unh And can't nobody stop the juice So, baby, tell me, what's the use? I said, "It's gettin' hot in here" So what? So take off all your clothes I am gettin' so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off It's gettin' hot in here So what? So take off all your clothes Ohhh! Ohh! Sorry! I am gettin' so hot I'm gonna take my clothes off Aah! Uh-uh-uh-uh-yuh! Mix a little bit of ah, ah With a little bit of ah, ah Let it just fall out Give a little bit of ah, ah With a little bit of ah, ah Let it hang all out With a little bit of ah, ah And a sprinkle of that ah, ah Let it just fall out I like it when you ah, ah Girl, baby, make it ah, ah Ohh One more step and I'll drop it! - (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - Don't do it.
Look at us! We're slapping the shit out of each other, and for what?! For the money, asshole! It's just the money, but don't don't I said no more steps! - (WATER SPLASHES) - Yah-ha-ah! Noooooooooooo! Noooooooooooo! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) I see what you're doing.
You're using me to make your girlfriend jealous.
Well, let me tell you something, pal.
I am in-to it.
Ah.
Hey.
Karen, hey.
Ooh.
Karen, I think you have the wrong idea.
Oh, shh.
No judgment.
Unh.
COREY: This is the greatest night of my entire life.
It just feels so right, you know?! Florence! Florence, wait! Hey! Hey! Florence, that wasn't what it looked like! Oh, really? Because what it looked like is you were being a real horse's ass.
This is exactly why I didn't even want to go to the wedding in the first place, because I knew it was gonna turn into some stupid fight! A fight you caused by acting like a total lunatic! I know I'm acting like a lunatic, and I can't seem to stop myself because I have feelings for you! That's funny, 'cause I have feelings for you, too! That's great, because when we finally get home from this thing, I'd really like to make this work! Then we are totally on the same page! Well, then, why didn't we just say that in the first place?! 'Cause communication is really (VOICE BREAKING) hard.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) STEVE: Maybe it's better the money's gone.
I'm sorry I went all Wall Street on you dudes back there.
That's not me.
Did you say that you killed someone? (LAUGHING) What? No, Pack.
What? Absolutely not.
I might have.
There's a small chance that that's 100% true.
Hey, you want to get some cake? Oh, God.
Yes.
Yeah.
Pack? I'm way too lifted to walk.
Hey.
Thanks for pulling us in from the edge.
- The edge? - Yeah.
- The edge.
- What edge? The edge of time.
I've been to the edge of time? (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) - (TO THE TUNE OF "HAVA NAGILA") - Hot dog Tequila hot dog Tequila hot dog Tequila hot dog - (SONG ENGS) - Ohh.
- (UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC PLAYS) - Oh, shit.
- Conga! - (ALL CHEER)