Acting Good (2022) s02e09 Episode Script
The Wolf of Paul Street
1
(knocking)
What the fok?
(birds chirping)
(sniffing)
Mm.
♪
Rose, I can't believe
it's you.
(sniffing)
You smell like peaches,
and your skin, so soft.
Like marshmallows.
Stephen Harper!?
Paul, would you make me the
happiest fella
in Grouse Lake and be my
best man?
Nothing would make me happier,
than to say
"Fuck off, Stephen Harper!"
♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪
♪ All night long ♪
(siren blaring)
Chickadee, over megaphone:
Step out of the vehicle
and keep your hands
where I can see 'em.
Lips, it's me.
Roger from the radio!
I wasn't even
going that fast, man.
Chickadee:
Silence, criminal!
I'll be the judge of that.
Walk a straight line.
(chuckling)
(boys laughing)
Now, hop on one foot.
(boys laughing)
Faster, criminal!
(boys laughing)
Boy:
Get him to do the worm.
Chickadee: (whispering)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(over megaphone)
Now, do the worm.
(laughing)
(siren beeping)
(laughing)
Yo, he went full fugitive.
(boys snickering)
Oh, you think this is funny?
Well, yeah,
that's why we did it.
Well, it's not.
I'm absolutely livid.
Just cheesed.
Mm.
Chickadee, march your
little arse home right now.
I'll deal with you
when I get there.
And, you boys, tell your parents
to expect a phone call.
Go on!
Get out of here before I smash
your little heads together
like this thing on my desk.
That's actually
a Newton's cradle.
Shut up, Lips.
Everybody get out of here!
Go on!
♪
Folks, I know you've
probably heard the rumours
of Laughingstick's
run-in with the law,
and it's all true.
I did run away, and that does
make me look guilty,
but I assure you
Roger Laughingstick is innocent!
Lips:
Roger.
Oh, shit. It's the fuzz.
Hey, wait. Roger?
(typing)
Yo, we need to talk.
The fok?!
Are Rose and Stephen Harper
actually getting married
or are they just
fucking with me?
Yeah, it's pretty real, bro.
Fokin' guy asked me to be
his best man at his wedding.
Do you know
how fucked that is?
Kind of funny
if you ask me.
Well, you're the big cheese now,
and I'm calling in a favour.
I'm not making
their marriage illegal.
I'm not asking that.
I'm asking you to ban marriage.
Like, all of them.
As if!
Come on!
It's a white man's construct!
You really want to lose
our culture and our practices?
Is that what you want?
I'm going to tell you something
I've been telling you
your whole life.
Grow up.
This is the first
I've heard of this!
(grunting)
(slamming door)
♪
Paul:
Can you believe it?
Jo telling me that
I need to grow up
out of the blue
like that?
Have you even ever heard
of anything like that before?
Nah, man.
Now I'm pissed.
But hear me out,
forget about Jo.
Forget about Rose,
forget about Stephen Harper.
Yeah, and?
I forgot what
I was going to say.
- Fok, man.
- Oh, hey.
You're gonna go to Stephen
Harper's stag tonight, right?
Hell no!
Why would I support that
hate marriage!
Man, you gotta go.
I got the finest drip
in the entire north.
Okay, fine.
I'll go, but remember,
I still think Stephen Harper
is a giant tu'guy!
Stephen:
So, you're coming?
Yes! And have you put any more
thought into being my best man?
Fuck off,
Stephen Harper.
You got it!
(grunting, thudding)
Ow!
Chickadee, you are
grounded like pemican!
Get with the times!
You should've said
"grounded like taco beef."
Oh
(door slamming)
(sighing)
(phone line ringing)
Hey, Ernest.
It's Jo.
Ernest:
Hey, Jo, what's up?
We need to talk
about Chickadee.
(dance music playing)
(men cheering)
- Oh, man!
- You weren't kidding, bro!
Rose is going to
kill me when she finds out.
Oh, my heart.
Hey, Ed. This is your
first stripper or what?
Just don't fall in love.
(all laughing)
♪
(cheering, laughing)
Oh, Ed.
He's lookin' right at ya.
♪
Oh, look at that.
Ah, just lucky!
(chuckling)
(cheering)
(men oohing)
(cheering)
Slow down.
My heart.
Look at Ed.
He can't take it.
(laughing)
Men:
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More!
More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More! More!
More. More
(panting)
♪
I still get paid, right?
Dean:
What a night, man.
Felt like a dream.
I still can't believe
Ed's gone.
Man, that guy could mooch.
The best to ever do it.
He was the GOAT.
Makes you think, bro.
One day you're
a frail old mooch,
and then, poof,
the next day you're gone.
(knocking)
(grunting)
(both screaming)
Paul:
It's the walking Ed!
Dean:
Don't let him bite you!
Whoa, easy.
I'm Ed's twin brother.
I didn't know Ed
had a twin.
That's right.
I'm the handsome one.
You must be Paul and Dean.
How come we never
met you before, bro?
Left for the city
years ago.
Wait a minute.
How do we know you're not
Ed just trying to fuck with us?
Yeah, if you're
really Ed's brother,
say something
only Ed would say.
Can I borrow five bucks?
That checks out.
I'm here on business.
You were both in Ed's will.
He wanted to
make sure you got back
a bunch of stuff
that he mooched off you.
Your first USB.
Has Thunderheart on it.
Holy fok,
I've been looking for this!
I had the flip.
Now I have the flop!
My brother was a mooch,
but he was no thief.
Yeah, but he died before he
gave us any of our stuff back.
I feel like we're
splitting hairs, man.
My brother was
a complicated guy.
Well, I gotta run.
(door closing)
That was so weird.
(sniffing)
What's that smell?
When I saw Ed, I, uh
I shit my pants.
Oh.
(chuckling)
We'll just go get the hose.
Chickadee:
Ma, I need $20 for a pop.
I've never been
this thirsty in my life
and I'm fucking scared my--
- Dad?
- Hey, Chickpea.
Chickadee:
Good to see you, Dad.
So, your father
and I agreed that,
while I ease into my new job,
he would stay here
to keep an eye on you.
Right, Ernest?
Right. Which doesn't
mean we can't have fun.
Hm.
Can I-- Can I talk
to you for a sec?
Mm-hm.
You can't be serious.
Oh, I am serious.
Sterling got grounded,
but we both know that
won't work for you.
As if.
As if my jeet. You'll just
grease your way out of it.
Yeah, I thought that
was the understanding.
You did, did you?
Well, my girl,
this is the price you pay
for being a little shithead!
But I don't want to
spend time with Dad!
Me and two of the Jacked Teens
were supposed to smash stuff!
Well get this.
Wherever you go, he goes.
Fine. Do I get that
pop money or what?
Oh, this one's going to
turn into Paul, I swear.
Well, Ernest,
she's all yours.
Mm-mm-mm!
Ma, I've been doing a lot
of thinking since Ed died,
and I'm thinking
it's time to grow up.
I'm tired of everyone thinking
that I'm a spoiled giant baby.
Is that gas bubble
moved out of your tum-tum yet?
Nope. Not yet.
Keep pumping.
Have you thought any more about
being Stephen Harper's best man?
Yeah, that's a hard pass.
That would show
some growing up.
What do you mean?
Well, it means
you've moved past it.
Hm. I'm starting to think
this is all your fault.
- (stomach grumbling)
- Ooh! That was a good one!
It's almost through.
You spoil me
way too much!
I'm like milk
that's gone bad.
Nobody wants to
drink me anymore.
I barely spoil you.
Ma, enough is enough.
It's time to show
the world that I'm a real man.
(stomach gurgling)
(farting loudly)
Yeah!
(both laughing)
That was a good boogid,
my son.
Whoo, I feel great.
Watch out, world!
Here comes Man Paul!
Whoo.
That was a good one.
♪
(knocking)
(screaming)
Oh, Ed!
Hang on,
I'm Ed's twin brother.
Oh. Oh.
I'm so sorry.
(laughing)
I didn't catch your name.
It's actually Ed.
Your parents
named you both Ed?
I'm Edwin.
He was Edlose.
These are a few of
the things that Ed borrowed
from the band office.
Time that they
found their way back.
I haven't seen this in ages.
Edwin: There's something
else I need to show you.
This is Edlose's will.
Jo:
Ed had a will?
He left everything
to the band office,
and, as you'll see,
he was extremely wealthy.
Oh, fuck off.
Yeah, I know.
I'm as surprised as you.
Turns out he was able to save a
fortune with all that mooching.
I, uh, don't know what to say.
This is
a lot of money.
I'm sure you'll know
what to do with it.
I'm around
if you need me.
(Rose screaming)
(groaning)
Rose:
Aim for the head!
Jo: Don't worry, Rose!
It's Ed's twin!
Roger:
This is Laughingstick,
coming to you on the run
from a secret location.
Sure, I didn't have my seatbelt
on when Lips pulled me over,
but that's no big deal!
Someone is
setting me up,
and this probably goes
all the way up to the top,
but if anyone
can clear my name,
it's good old
alive-and-well Ed.
Ed, I need you now
more than ever, buddy.
(twigs snapping)
Gotta go, Grouse Lake.
I hear something in the bush.
The fok?
Why are you wearing a suit?
It's 'cause
I'm a working man now.
Okay.
This is for
your wedding thingy.
Thanks?
There's something old,
something new,
something borrowed,
and something blue.
Ah, that's an old bracelet
you left at my house.
It doesn't even
fit me anyway.
Are these
your weekend chips?
Nah, those are
your weekend chips.
And this must be
something borrowed?
Yup.
It's my old sex sweater.
I'm thinking you
and Stephen Harper can borrow it
until you find your own.
Okay.
And of course,
something blue.
I hope you
and Stephen Harper
have a long
and happy life together.
Thanks, Blue.
Can I have a freezie now?
Of course.
A deal is a deal.
Thanks, Paul.
I just want you to be happy.
And if you need me, I'll be down
the hall in Jo's old office.
Just doing grown up shit.
Yo, Chickadee,
why you look all sad-arse?
I'm just not feeling it.
How can you
not feel this?
Nuh-uh!
Not without these you don't.
So annoying!
Oh, now, before you guys
go swinging those bats,
let me show you
how to do things safely.
I used to do this
as a kid myself,
but instead of hitting
glass bottles we used softballs,
because we used to do
things like play sports.
We've done this
a thousand times.
Yeah, but somebody could get
a piece of glass in the face.
That's literally
never happened.
Step aside.
- (glass shattering)
- Ooh!
Okay, well. Not sure
what's so fun about that,
but I'm just here
to supervise.
Uh, Dad?
Yeah, what's up?
Never mind.
Don't forget the goggles.
♪
- How's your face, Dad?
- (camera clicking)
Oh, should heal nicely,
I hope.
Never gave myself
stitches before.
What the hell did you
do to your father?
It's not actually
Chickadee's fault. It's--
It's Grouse Lake's fault.
There's not a heck of a lot
for kids to do around here.
Yeah, except
get into trouble.
Which leads me to
an interesting idea.
I want Chickadee to come
live with me in Edmonton.
Uh, what?
I can keep an eye on her
when she's in school.
Uh, what?
Oh, you got blood
coming out your bandage.
Uh, what?
Paul, you gotta come see this!
What the fuck?
- You look like Dilbert.
- (dogs barking)
The bus driver
from Bloodvein?
- No. The comic.
- (jazz playing on radio)
Sounds like child stuff.
Who cares? There's two dogs
outside doing it.
- Come on, it's hilarious!
- I told you, I'm busy.
Dean:
Bro, you're missing out.
One dog is huge
and the other one's tiny.
Come on, let's go!
Bro, the dogs are doing it
and now they're stuck.
Stuck together?
It's too early in
the season for that.
Okay. No! I can't.
I can't. I can't.
Dean:
Paul, where'd you go, bro?
(dogs barking)
The big dog's dragging
the small dog around
and now they're stuck, man.
We gotta hose 'em down!
(dogs barking)
- (turning music volume up)
- Ever slack.
♪
Okay, I wasn't ready
for this.
Chickpea, if you come
with me to Edmonton
you can stay with me
while you're in school.
But Edmonton sucks.
It's like Winnipeg, but with
oil riggers and truck nuts.
Okay, good point,
then it's back to living
with your house parents
in Winnipeg.
But Winnipeg sucks.
It's like Edmonton,
but with potholes
and pawn shops.
Okay, third option.
You drop out of high school,
I build an attachment,
and you do nothing
with your life
like your stupid
Uncle Paul.
I pick that.
You can't pick that!
It was a joke!
You guys are a joke.
(door slamming)
Lips, I'm ready
to turn myself in.
Roger, there you are.
And yes, I'll name names in
exchange for a lighter sentence.
What?
You've been a worthy adversary.
All I ask is go easy on me.
Bro, listen,
Chickadee set you up.
You didn't do
anything wrong.
What?
She pulled you over
in my car.
You okay?
I'd cry but I'm too
dehydrated to make tears.
(weeping)
See?
Pointless.
Okay, let's hear your pitches
for what to do with Ed's money.
A smokehouse.
You know, for meats.
Pass.
A water slide park.
Pass!
A Lou Diamond Phillips
film festival.
Pass.
A detention facility for teens
who like to prank radio DJs.
Pass?
Did ya heard? Ed died
and left a bunch of money.
Yeah, we know that, Rita.
His brother looks
just like him.
That's all of them.
My brother always
wanted a monkey zoo.
Maybe we just put
the money towards that.
(knocking)
Hey, Jo. Gonna go home early.
You totally don't even
work here, so go ahead?
Also, I couldn't
help but overhear
all the pitches
for Ed's money,
and it got me thinking
about Chickadee's situation,
and I started
crunching the numbers,
and it turns out, we could use
Ed's money to help renovate
the old abandoned high school.
That way the high schoolers
and Chickadee wouldn't have to
leave the Rez.
You could also name the high
school Ed High.
(laughing)
Anyway, see you tomorrow!
I think
my shit-for-brains brother
might be on to something.
Hey, wait.
Before you go, I just wanted
to say sorry for tripping out.
That's okay.
I know how much
you love living here.
Thanks for being
cool about this.
No problem.
Love you, sweetie bird.
Love you too, Neebaba.
(horn honking)
That's my ride.
Be back in a couple months.
Remember, be safe.
Boy:
Yo, Chickadee.
Wanna shoot apples
off each others' heads?
Uh, I don't know.
That sounds pretty dangerous.
So, uh,
better put these on.
Fuck yeah!
Roger: This is
Laughingstick in the afternoon,
coming to you
as a free man.
If it's one thing I'm guilty of
it's loving my job.
Now that I'm back in my seat,
what do you say
we play some tunes
in honour of my old pal Ed?
This is
Danny Keemootch with
"I Hope Heaven
Has a Pawn Shop."
♪
♪ Everything went right ♪
♪
Stephen:
Flower petals?
♪
♪ Yes, I know ♪
Stephen Harper.
I've decided I will
be your best man,
for I am no longer a boy.
I am a man.
I am the best man.
Oh, Paul!
♪ live without you ♪
(chuckling)
♪ For some strange reason ♪
♪ I need someone to care ♪
♪
♪ I wonder if you realize ♪
♪ Just how you make me feel ♪
♪ When you say your
love for me is not real ♪
♪ I love you even when
you're mad and you throw ♪
(knocking)
What the fok?
(birds chirping)
(sniffing)
Mm.
♪
Rose, I can't believe
it's you.
(sniffing)
You smell like peaches,
and your skin, so soft.
Like marshmallows.
Stephen Harper!?
Paul, would you make me the
happiest fella
in Grouse Lake and be my
best man?
Nothing would make me happier,
than to say
"Fuck off, Stephen Harper!"
♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪
♪ All night long ♪
(siren blaring)
Chickadee, over megaphone:
Step out of the vehicle
and keep your hands
where I can see 'em.
Lips, it's me.
Roger from the radio!
I wasn't even
going that fast, man.
Chickadee:
Silence, criminal!
I'll be the judge of that.
Walk a straight line.
(chuckling)
(boys laughing)
Now, hop on one foot.
(boys laughing)
Faster, criminal!
(boys laughing)
Boy:
Get him to do the worm.
Chickadee: (whispering)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(over megaphone)
Now, do the worm.
(laughing)
(siren beeping)
(laughing)
Yo, he went full fugitive.
(boys snickering)
Oh, you think this is funny?
Well, yeah,
that's why we did it.
Well, it's not.
I'm absolutely livid.
Just cheesed.
Mm.
Chickadee, march your
little arse home right now.
I'll deal with you
when I get there.
And, you boys, tell your parents
to expect a phone call.
Go on!
Get out of here before I smash
your little heads together
like this thing on my desk.
That's actually
a Newton's cradle.
Shut up, Lips.
Everybody get out of here!
Go on!
♪
Folks, I know you've
probably heard the rumours
of Laughingstick's
run-in with the law,
and it's all true.
I did run away, and that does
make me look guilty,
but I assure you
Roger Laughingstick is innocent!
Lips:
Roger.
Oh, shit. It's the fuzz.
Hey, wait. Roger?
(typing)
Yo, we need to talk.
The fok?!
Are Rose and Stephen Harper
actually getting married
or are they just
fucking with me?
Yeah, it's pretty real, bro.
Fokin' guy asked me to be
his best man at his wedding.
Do you know
how fucked that is?
Kind of funny
if you ask me.
Well, you're the big cheese now,
and I'm calling in a favour.
I'm not making
their marriage illegal.
I'm not asking that.
I'm asking you to ban marriage.
Like, all of them.
As if!
Come on!
It's a white man's construct!
You really want to lose
our culture and our practices?
Is that what you want?
I'm going to tell you something
I've been telling you
your whole life.
Grow up.
This is the first
I've heard of this!
(grunting)
(slamming door)
♪
Paul:
Can you believe it?
Jo telling me that
I need to grow up
out of the blue
like that?
Have you even ever heard
of anything like that before?
Nah, man.
Now I'm pissed.
But hear me out,
forget about Jo.
Forget about Rose,
forget about Stephen Harper.
Yeah, and?
I forgot what
I was going to say.
- Fok, man.
- Oh, hey.
You're gonna go to Stephen
Harper's stag tonight, right?
Hell no!
Why would I support that
hate marriage!
Man, you gotta go.
I got the finest drip
in the entire north.
Okay, fine.
I'll go, but remember,
I still think Stephen Harper
is a giant tu'guy!
Stephen:
So, you're coming?
Yes! And have you put any more
thought into being my best man?
Fuck off,
Stephen Harper.
You got it!
(grunting, thudding)
Ow!
Chickadee, you are
grounded like pemican!
Get with the times!
You should've said
"grounded like taco beef."
Oh
(door slamming)
(sighing)
(phone line ringing)
Hey, Ernest.
It's Jo.
Ernest:
Hey, Jo, what's up?
We need to talk
about Chickadee.
(dance music playing)
(men cheering)
- Oh, man!
- You weren't kidding, bro!
Rose is going to
kill me when she finds out.
Oh, my heart.
Hey, Ed. This is your
first stripper or what?
Just don't fall in love.
(all laughing)
♪
(cheering, laughing)
Oh, Ed.
He's lookin' right at ya.
♪
Oh, look at that.
Ah, just lucky!
(chuckling)
(cheering)
(men oohing)
(cheering)
Slow down.
My heart.
Look at Ed.
He can't take it.
(laughing)
Men:
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More!
More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More! More!
More. More
(panting)
♪
I still get paid, right?
Dean:
What a night, man.
Felt like a dream.
I still can't believe
Ed's gone.
Man, that guy could mooch.
The best to ever do it.
He was the GOAT.
Makes you think, bro.
One day you're
a frail old mooch,
and then, poof,
the next day you're gone.
(knocking)
(grunting)
(both screaming)
Paul:
It's the walking Ed!
Dean:
Don't let him bite you!
Whoa, easy.
I'm Ed's twin brother.
I didn't know Ed
had a twin.
That's right.
I'm the handsome one.
You must be Paul and Dean.
How come we never
met you before, bro?
Left for the city
years ago.
Wait a minute.
How do we know you're not
Ed just trying to fuck with us?
Yeah, if you're
really Ed's brother,
say something
only Ed would say.
Can I borrow five bucks?
That checks out.
I'm here on business.
You were both in Ed's will.
He wanted to
make sure you got back
a bunch of stuff
that he mooched off you.
Your first USB.
Has Thunderheart on it.
Holy fok,
I've been looking for this!
I had the flip.
Now I have the flop!
My brother was a mooch,
but he was no thief.
Yeah, but he died before he
gave us any of our stuff back.
I feel like we're
splitting hairs, man.
My brother was
a complicated guy.
Well, I gotta run.
(door closing)
That was so weird.
(sniffing)
What's that smell?
When I saw Ed, I, uh
I shit my pants.
Oh.
(chuckling)
We'll just go get the hose.
Chickadee:
Ma, I need $20 for a pop.
I've never been
this thirsty in my life
and I'm fucking scared my--
- Dad?
- Hey, Chickpea.
Chickadee:
Good to see you, Dad.
So, your father
and I agreed that,
while I ease into my new job,
he would stay here
to keep an eye on you.
Right, Ernest?
Right. Which doesn't
mean we can't have fun.
Hm.
Can I-- Can I talk
to you for a sec?
Mm-hm.
You can't be serious.
Oh, I am serious.
Sterling got grounded,
but we both know that
won't work for you.
As if.
As if my jeet. You'll just
grease your way out of it.
Yeah, I thought that
was the understanding.
You did, did you?
Well, my girl,
this is the price you pay
for being a little shithead!
But I don't want to
spend time with Dad!
Me and two of the Jacked Teens
were supposed to smash stuff!
Well get this.
Wherever you go, he goes.
Fine. Do I get that
pop money or what?
Oh, this one's going to
turn into Paul, I swear.
Well, Ernest,
she's all yours.
Mm-mm-mm!
Ma, I've been doing a lot
of thinking since Ed died,
and I'm thinking
it's time to grow up.
I'm tired of everyone thinking
that I'm a spoiled giant baby.
Is that gas bubble
moved out of your tum-tum yet?
Nope. Not yet.
Keep pumping.
Have you thought any more about
being Stephen Harper's best man?
Yeah, that's a hard pass.
That would show
some growing up.
What do you mean?
Well, it means
you've moved past it.
Hm. I'm starting to think
this is all your fault.
- (stomach grumbling)
- Ooh! That was a good one!
It's almost through.
You spoil me
way too much!
I'm like milk
that's gone bad.
Nobody wants to
drink me anymore.
I barely spoil you.
Ma, enough is enough.
It's time to show
the world that I'm a real man.
(stomach gurgling)
(farting loudly)
Yeah!
(both laughing)
That was a good boogid,
my son.
Whoo, I feel great.
Watch out, world!
Here comes Man Paul!
Whoo.
That was a good one.
♪
(knocking)
(screaming)
Oh, Ed!
Hang on,
I'm Ed's twin brother.
Oh. Oh.
I'm so sorry.
(laughing)
I didn't catch your name.
It's actually Ed.
Your parents
named you both Ed?
I'm Edwin.
He was Edlose.
These are a few of
the things that Ed borrowed
from the band office.
Time that they
found their way back.
I haven't seen this in ages.
Edwin: There's something
else I need to show you.
This is Edlose's will.
Jo:
Ed had a will?
He left everything
to the band office,
and, as you'll see,
he was extremely wealthy.
Oh, fuck off.
Yeah, I know.
I'm as surprised as you.
Turns out he was able to save a
fortune with all that mooching.
I, uh, don't know what to say.
This is
a lot of money.
I'm sure you'll know
what to do with it.
I'm around
if you need me.
(Rose screaming)
(groaning)
Rose:
Aim for the head!
Jo: Don't worry, Rose!
It's Ed's twin!
Roger:
This is Laughingstick,
coming to you on the run
from a secret location.
Sure, I didn't have my seatbelt
on when Lips pulled me over,
but that's no big deal!
Someone is
setting me up,
and this probably goes
all the way up to the top,
but if anyone
can clear my name,
it's good old
alive-and-well Ed.
Ed, I need you now
more than ever, buddy.
(twigs snapping)
Gotta go, Grouse Lake.
I hear something in the bush.
The fok?
Why are you wearing a suit?
It's 'cause
I'm a working man now.
Okay.
This is for
your wedding thingy.
Thanks?
There's something old,
something new,
something borrowed,
and something blue.
Ah, that's an old bracelet
you left at my house.
It doesn't even
fit me anyway.
Are these
your weekend chips?
Nah, those are
your weekend chips.
And this must be
something borrowed?
Yup.
It's my old sex sweater.
I'm thinking you
and Stephen Harper can borrow it
until you find your own.
Okay.
And of course,
something blue.
I hope you
and Stephen Harper
have a long
and happy life together.
Thanks, Blue.
Can I have a freezie now?
Of course.
A deal is a deal.
Thanks, Paul.
I just want you to be happy.
And if you need me, I'll be down
the hall in Jo's old office.
Just doing grown up shit.
Yo, Chickadee,
why you look all sad-arse?
I'm just not feeling it.
How can you
not feel this?
Nuh-uh!
Not without these you don't.
So annoying!
Oh, now, before you guys
go swinging those bats,
let me show you
how to do things safely.
I used to do this
as a kid myself,
but instead of hitting
glass bottles we used softballs,
because we used to do
things like play sports.
We've done this
a thousand times.
Yeah, but somebody could get
a piece of glass in the face.
That's literally
never happened.
Step aside.
- (glass shattering)
- Ooh!
Okay, well. Not sure
what's so fun about that,
but I'm just here
to supervise.
Uh, Dad?
Yeah, what's up?
Never mind.
Don't forget the goggles.
♪
- How's your face, Dad?
- (camera clicking)
Oh, should heal nicely,
I hope.
Never gave myself
stitches before.
What the hell did you
do to your father?
It's not actually
Chickadee's fault. It's--
It's Grouse Lake's fault.
There's not a heck of a lot
for kids to do around here.
Yeah, except
get into trouble.
Which leads me to
an interesting idea.
I want Chickadee to come
live with me in Edmonton.
Uh, what?
I can keep an eye on her
when she's in school.
Uh, what?
Oh, you got blood
coming out your bandage.
Uh, what?
Paul, you gotta come see this!
What the fuck?
- You look like Dilbert.
- (dogs barking)
The bus driver
from Bloodvein?
- No. The comic.
- (jazz playing on radio)
Sounds like child stuff.
Who cares? There's two dogs
outside doing it.
- Come on, it's hilarious!
- I told you, I'm busy.
Dean:
Bro, you're missing out.
One dog is huge
and the other one's tiny.
Come on, let's go!
Bro, the dogs are doing it
and now they're stuck.
Stuck together?
It's too early in
the season for that.
Okay. No! I can't.
I can't. I can't.
Dean:
Paul, where'd you go, bro?
(dogs barking)
The big dog's dragging
the small dog around
and now they're stuck, man.
We gotta hose 'em down!
(dogs barking)
- (turning music volume up)
- Ever slack.
♪
Okay, I wasn't ready
for this.
Chickpea, if you come
with me to Edmonton
you can stay with me
while you're in school.
But Edmonton sucks.
It's like Winnipeg, but with
oil riggers and truck nuts.
Okay, good point,
then it's back to living
with your house parents
in Winnipeg.
But Winnipeg sucks.
It's like Edmonton,
but with potholes
and pawn shops.
Okay, third option.
You drop out of high school,
I build an attachment,
and you do nothing
with your life
like your stupid
Uncle Paul.
I pick that.
You can't pick that!
It was a joke!
You guys are a joke.
(door slamming)
Lips, I'm ready
to turn myself in.
Roger, there you are.
And yes, I'll name names in
exchange for a lighter sentence.
What?
You've been a worthy adversary.
All I ask is go easy on me.
Bro, listen,
Chickadee set you up.
You didn't do
anything wrong.
What?
She pulled you over
in my car.
You okay?
I'd cry but I'm too
dehydrated to make tears.
(weeping)
See?
Pointless.
Okay, let's hear your pitches
for what to do with Ed's money.
A smokehouse.
You know, for meats.
Pass.
A water slide park.
Pass!
A Lou Diamond Phillips
film festival.
Pass.
A detention facility for teens
who like to prank radio DJs.
Pass?
Did ya heard? Ed died
and left a bunch of money.
Yeah, we know that, Rita.
His brother looks
just like him.
That's all of them.
My brother always
wanted a monkey zoo.
Maybe we just put
the money towards that.
(knocking)
Hey, Jo. Gonna go home early.
You totally don't even
work here, so go ahead?
Also, I couldn't
help but overhear
all the pitches
for Ed's money,
and it got me thinking
about Chickadee's situation,
and I started
crunching the numbers,
and it turns out, we could use
Ed's money to help renovate
the old abandoned high school.
That way the high schoolers
and Chickadee wouldn't have to
leave the Rez.
You could also name the high
school Ed High.
(laughing)
Anyway, see you tomorrow!
I think
my shit-for-brains brother
might be on to something.
Hey, wait.
Before you go, I just wanted
to say sorry for tripping out.
That's okay.
I know how much
you love living here.
Thanks for being
cool about this.
No problem.
Love you, sweetie bird.
Love you too, Neebaba.
(horn honking)
That's my ride.
Be back in a couple months.
Remember, be safe.
Boy:
Yo, Chickadee.
Wanna shoot apples
off each others' heads?
Uh, I don't know.
That sounds pretty dangerous.
So, uh,
better put these on.
Fuck yeah!
Roger: This is
Laughingstick in the afternoon,
coming to you
as a free man.
If it's one thing I'm guilty of
it's loving my job.
Now that I'm back in my seat,
what do you say
we play some tunes
in honour of my old pal Ed?
This is
Danny Keemootch with
"I Hope Heaven
Has a Pawn Shop."
♪
♪ Everything went right ♪
♪
Stephen:
Flower petals?
♪
♪ Yes, I know ♪
Stephen Harper.
I've decided I will
be your best man,
for I am no longer a boy.
I am a man.
I am the best man.
Oh, Paul!
♪ live without you ♪
(chuckling)
♪ For some strange reason ♪
♪ I need someone to care ♪
♪
♪ I wonder if you realize ♪
♪ Just how you make me feel ♪
♪ When you say your
love for me is not real ♪
♪ I love you even when
you're mad and you throw ♪