All Creatures Great And Small (1978) s02e09 Episode Script

See you at matins then, Mrs Mather.
Good morning, Mrs Mather.
See you at matins.
(Clears throat) Oh, hello, Mr Blenkinsopp! - How are you? - Fine, Mrs Herriot.
Fine.
Rude with health, if that's grammatically possible for a curate.
- ls Mr Farnon in? - Which one would you like to see? - Which one's more readily available? - l'll have a look.
Tristan! - Siegfried! - (Whistles) Siegfried, have you got a minute? - Yes, my dear.
- The curate from Rainby's here.
- Oh, Blenkinsopp.
- Yes.
Wait.
lt's August Monday - on Monday week, isn't it? - Yes.
- Does he know l'm in? - No.
Well, don't.
ln fact, tell him l'm out.
l'm sorry, Mr Blenkinsopp, Mr Farnon senior isn't available.
Oh, dear.
Mr Farnon junior? No, l'm afraid he isn't either.
Can l help? Hardly, my dear, hardly.
(Chuckles) Ah, well.
Goodbye for now.
- Has he gone? - Yes.
What's all this about? l thought he was a friend of yours.
He is! Salt of the earth.
Except on August Monday.
You've been an enormous help.
(Clears throat) Ah.
Blenkinsopp.
You've been trying to get hold of me, l believe? l've been trying to get hold of you about August Monday.
That's why l was looking for you.
l felt certain you'd want me to help.
- Yes, if you could.
- l can't.
- Oh, dear.
Really? - You see, l have a meeting in Leeds and l cannot get out of it.
Your chinaman will be sorely missed.
Course, there is always my brother.
- Do you think he might be free? - l'll make sure he is.
- That's most Christian of you.
- No, not at all.
- Yes, bit of a shaker.
- Tagger Hird still playing? - Yes.
- Well done, Tagger.
But if you could mention it.
l'll tell you where he is and you can ask him yourself.
My brother's like a young dog, his ports of call tend to be entirely predictable.
He's at the Drover's Arms.
So, there l was, you see - all alone in this sty with this gigantic sow, out of her mind with pain, piggy eyes glaring at me with murder in them.
All of a sudden, she charged.
What do you think l did, eh? - What did you do, Mr Farnon? - What l always do.
Waited till the last second then sidestepped like a standoff! - Good grief! - She ran into the wall, knocked herself out and l got the injection into her.
l wouldn't be a veterinary for a gold pig! What? Do you know, we dice with death every day of our lives.
Wild pigs, mad dogs, horses big as cathedrals.
Do the farmers appreciate it? Do they 'eckers, like.
All they're bothered about is the size of the bill.
- Aren't you ever frightened? - Well, you learn to face up to it, danger.
- Oh.
Mr Blenkinsopp.
- Hello.
What a pleasure.
What are you drinking? No, l won't, thanks.
l have a burial service in about ten minutes.
No, just a brief word.
Your brother said you'd be here.
- Good old Siegfried.
- Yes.
- You know what it's about? - August Monday, right? Right! - Ow! - My dear Mr Farnon, what's the matter? Oh, it's nothing.
Just an eight-inch gash and blood poisoning.
God bless us! What happened? Mr Warley's sow caught me when l wasn't looking.
- lt savaged me rather.
- Oh, dear.
And it's your bowling arm.
l'm afraid it is, yes.
Wellyou certainly aren't going to be fit to turn out against Hedwick.
Oh, l can't tell you how much l would've liked to play.
Tagger Hird still playing for them? Oh, yes - faster than ever this season.
He's not the easiest of men to play on that surface.
l'll miss having a crack at him.
You must want revenge after that rising ball he caught you with.
Nothing like a stern duel with a Yorkshire quickie, is there? They don't breed them quite the same anywhere else.
l should say.
Mind you, there is one fellow who could help, - if you could talk him into it.
- Who's that? James, James Herriot.
- Can he play? - Play? Mr Blenkinsopp, when he was at Glasgow, he was known as Malleus Anglorum.
- Hammer of the English! - Really? l didn't realise they had any cricketing tradition up there on Clydeside.
That is a stroke of good luck.
James is the one to tame Tagger.
- l'll get onto him.
- Oh, one thing when you ask him.
- Yes? - James is rather one for hiding his light under a bushel.
Say no more, Mr Farnon.
Say no more.
And thank you for the, ermthe tip-off.
lt's a pleasure, Mr Blenkinsopp.
- Goodbye for now.
- Bye.
(Children shouting playfully) (Barking) Hello.
- Sounds like a full surgery.
- Oh, just the Dimmock family.
- How many of them? - The entire brood, and Mr Dimmock.
They aren't a family, they're more like a nation.
And from the look of Mrs Dimmock they're about to increase even further.
Third time here this month.
- They've adopted you.
- Obviously.
They wouldn't come so often if you ever charged them anything.
- He always asks me to.
- You never do.
They haven't got any money, love.
Never worked in his life, Mr Dimmock.
He has learned to live graciously.
- At our expense.
- He's got a bad back.
He never got it working! How he gets his time over l don't know.
He always looks like he's going somewhere important.
Mostly the Dog & Duck for dominoes.
- Well, l like him.
- Oh, yes, everybody does.
You have to like him, l just don't approve.
- (Children shouting) - Pandemonium here, James.
- (Dog barking) - Dog's gone mad, an impi of Zulus in the waiting room.
Can't hear myself write.
That's enough of that, you're not at home now.
Come on.
- He started it.
- No, l didn't.
- You nipped me! - (Mr Dimmock) Enough! When you're in respectable people's houses, you will desport yourself in a right and proper manner.
ls that clear, Samuel Dimmock? - Yes, Dad.
- Got that into thy head, Frederick? - Yes, Dad.
- Right.
- Hello.
- (All shouting) Wait a minute! Quiet! Quiet! Just one voice this time, please.
Right then, our Nellie.
- Hello, Nellie.
- Hello.
- What's this you've got? - A little doggy.
He's mine.
- He's your very own? - Aye.
Doesn't belong to your brothers and sisters? - No, he's mine.
- He's a spaniel, isn't he? Aye, a cocker.
A cocker? l thought he was a springer.
Proper pure bred.
Mr Brown had a litter, gave this 'un to Nellie.
This here's his pedigree.
Mmm.
He's a real blue-blooded hound, all right.
- Darrowby Tobias lll.
- l beg your pardon? - That's his name.
- Oh, l see.
- What do you call him, Nellie? - Toby.
That's lovely.
What's wrong with Toby, Mr Dimmock? He keeps being sick.
- Have you wormed him? - No, l haven't done that.
That'll be it.
All he needs is a pill.
Let's take him through.
- (Children chatting) - Excuse us, Siegfried.
Gracious heavens alive, what on earth's happened? Has there been a football match? My word, James, that's an impressive creature.
- (Nellie) His name's Toby.
- Toby? What a good affair.
- How are you, Mr Dimmock? - Well, me back of course.
- Like my old dad always said - Very true, very true.
Any, erm, problems, James? No, just a bellyful of worms, l'd say.
There you are.
Not much wrong with him we can't put right.
Now then, who's for a sweet? One each is the rule.
Steady, steady.
Don't overwhelm the giver.
(James) l'll stick 'em in an envelope, give him one first thing in the morning.
Right you are, sir, and thank you.
Come on, let's not be wasting any more of Mr Herriot's time.
By the way, Mr Herriot, remember to send me a bill.
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Good day to you, sir.
- Good day, Mr Dimmock.
- Bye, Nellie.
Come on, Nellie, we've got the tablets.
We'll take the little doggy home A favourite of yours, that diminutive Dimmock? Yes.
A sharp wind would blow her across the Pennines.
lnfantile paralysis as a baby, hence the limp.
She might be small but the bosom of her family's ample enough.
- Ah, Tristan! - Hello, Tris.
l'm afraid l'm going to have to ask you to do a couple of my calls this afternoon.
You can start out at Pittock's and work your way home.
Thank you.
By the way, did the cloth catch up with you? Yes, he said you told him where to find me.
Very good of you.
Not at all.
You'll be able to help him? l'm afraid l can't, no.
- You can't? - l hurt my arm.
Didn't l say? No, you didn't.
- l must have forgotten to say.
- More than a week to August Monday.
Doctor said it'll take months to mend.
- Shall l have a look? - l'll leave it to my doctor.
You weren't able to help either? - A trust meeting in Leeds.
- On August Monday? The only day that everybody could guarantee to be free.
Well, honours even.
l suppose he'll find somebody else.
- Well, l did make a suggestion.
- Oh, did you? Oh, good.
Right, see you both later.
- Bye.
- (Laughing) Bye, James! - l didn't know you'd hurt your arm.
- Oh, it's nothing.
Has Mr Blenkinsopp seen you yet? No.
Why? l just heard he was looking for you.
- Cricket? - Yes.
lt's an annual match against Hedwick, sort of local derby.
We always seem to be short of players.
Still, you're the sort of chap we need.
- l am no cricketer.
- Come now, no false modesty.
l've heard all about you from young Mr Farnon.
- Young Mr Farnon? - Yes.
l see.
Look, l don't know what he's been telling you - but he's been exaggerating.
- Well, if you say so.
But still, you're young and fit.
Why not play anyway? You won't get much of a bargain but l'll try and help.
Splendid! l'll tell the captain, he'll be delighted.
Oh, good.
Oh, by the way, what are you? First wicket down or fast bowler? What? l'm not sure that l'm anything in particular.
l see, an all-rounder, eh? Marvellous.
Goodbye for now, James.
(Clicks tongue) James, l'm trying to concentrate.
Yes, so am l.
Guess which unknown veterinary surgeon is playing cricket on August Monday.
Oh, no, James.
What, for the curate at Rainby? Yes, Mr Blenkinsopp.
And why not? Have we arranged something? No, it's just Well Oh, l don't know.
Come along, you're rambling.
- lt is the Hedwick game, is it? - Yes.
You know something about it? No, but the first person Blenkinsopp asked was Siegfried who went to great lengths to get out of it.
How on earth did they arrive at you? What do you mean? Tristan put me up for it.
- ls he playing? - No, he's hurt his arm.
- Strange.
- Why? lt was all right this morning.
He was moving furniture.
He said he's hurt his arm.
(Children shouting and playing) - When will Mr Herriot be here? - He'll come if he says he will.
Won't make him come any quicker looking out of t'window.
Don't mess with him, he's poorly.
- l weren't messing about.
- Tha were laiking with him! Dad says tha shouldn't laik with him.
- Stroking him, that's all.
- He's here! (All shouting excitedly) Oh, hello! - (All shouting) - Can you look at my mouse? - First l'll look at the dog.
- Quiet! The veterinary can't hear himself think! Hello, Toby.
- He were sick all over t'place.
- Was he? lcky Foster's went like that and died.
lcky Foster didn't have Mr Herriot.
- Did you give him that pill? - Yes.
- What happened? - He got shot of a few worms.
- How's he been since? - Sick as a dog.
- Sam, shush! - How soon is he being sick? Sometimes right away, like, sometimes after an hour.
Right.
l'll give you an antacid mixture.
That should do the trick.
And, erif it doesn't, bring him back to the surgery and l'll have another look.
- By the way, Mr Herriot.
- Yes? - You will send me a bill.
- Yes, of course.
(Boy) Can you look at my mouse? Last time l looked there was nothing wrong with it.
- (Nellie) Mr Herriot! - Yes, Nellie? What's the matter? What is the matter, hmm? You're going to make him better, aren't you? Have l lost you a patient yet, Nellie? Have l? No, l have not.
l'll make him better if l can.
- (Boy) Bye.
- Goodbye.
He doesn't seem to be responding to anything.
- He's losing weight.
- Occupational hazard.
Occasional black despair.
lt's not the blind leading the blind, more like the one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.
You getting emotionally involved again, James? Just the way l'm made, l'm afraid.
- An endearing weakness.
- Just keep trying, l suppose.
All you can do.
Oh, l hear they've enlisted you for the Hedwick match.
- Yes.
- Well done, you.
Make a Yorkshireman of you yet.
Ah, there it is.
How does it go? ''There's a breathless hush in the close tonight ''Ten to make and the match to win ''A bumping pitch and a blinding light ''An hour to play and the last man in ''And it's not for the sake of a ribboned coat ''Or the selfish hope of a season's fame ''But his captain's hand on his shoulder smote, '''Play up! Play up! And play the game!''' - Required reading at my school.
- Yes, l'm sure.
lt's a drug, cricket, in this part of Yorkshire.
A narcotic.
- You've played for Rainby? - l certainly have.
- But you can't play this time.
- No, l can't.
So disappointing.
Who's Tagger Hird, by the way? Tagger He's a bowler, plays for Hedwick.
Just a name l've heard bandied around these last few days.
He's a bit speedy, l understand.
My dear boy, there was talk of him having trials for Yorkshire.
- ls that so? - Yes.
l mean, good Lord, he nearly killed poor Tristan last year.
Hit him under the heart with a good-length ball.
There was a moment or two when l thought we'd lost him.
Bruise big as an orange.
He always apologises when he's hit you, mind.
Absolute sport.
That's nice.
How very civilised of him.
A very civilised game, James, cricket.
Oh, yes.
''The river of death has brimmed its banks ''And England's far and Honour a name ''But the voice of a schoolboy rallies the ranks, '''Play up! Play up! And play the game!''' Great stuff.
The thing about playing fast bowling, get your body right behind the ball, face the blighter out.
That's how to deal with your Larwoods and your Voces.
You'd be amazed how many people get brained by shying up into the line of flight.
Really? Well, here you are, love - l doubt they'd pass muster at Lord's but No, they're fine.
- Fine.
- You're not worried, are you? l think the others are pulling your leg.
Of course not.
There's a feeling in the air.
A smell, almost.
That sort of sulphurous smell you get before a bad thunderstorm.
There's gonna be a war in Germany, you know.
Bound to be.
Whatever reassuring noises those politicians make.
Yes, l rather think there is.
- And if there is - You'll have to join up? Yes.
God, l'm gonna hate that.
Oh, we'll manage.
People do.
Things'll never be the same, you know.
They will between us.
- You know what l used to wonder - What? Whether the novelty of marriage would last.
- Has it? - Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Mmm, l'm glad.
l wanted to take you to France for our honeymoon.
l enjoyed the honeymoon we had, James.
Why don't we save up? Then we can still go.
l don't think l fancy France at the moment.
- Too close to Germany.
- Yes.
l love you, though.
l love you, though.
(Footsteps on gravel) (Sighs) l want a word with you.
Oh, yes? Some problem, is it, that you'd like my advice on? No, some rumour you've been spreading about me being a cross between Jack Hobbs and Wally Hammond.
(Children shouting) - Hello, love.
- Hello.
He's not looking too grand, not looking too grand.
- No, he isn't.
- This is my sister Mrs Pounder.
- Pleased to meet you.
- l've heard a lot about you.
- Mostly good.
- Oh, good.
- He's not responding, then? - Not yet, l'm afraid.
We'll just have to keep trying.
You married the Alderson lass? - Yes, that's right.
- But no family yet? - No, not yet.
- There's nothing like having family.
- l said there's nothing like family.
- That's right.
You can't get your family started soon enough, l say.
Well, how is the other patient? lt's her chest.
Anything going, she gets it.
(Boys shouting) - He's not going to die, is he? - l won't let a thing like that happen.
Makes my heart bleed to see that animal suffering.
Will you be able to do owt? l'm sure vet's doing everything possible, our Ethel.
l've never seen vomiting like it, never seen vomiting like it.
Fair shooting out of him it is.
- What was that? - As much as two feet sometimes.
- Has it always been like this? - l suppose so.
- Why didn't you tell me? - Oh, l just didn't think.
- ls it important? - Probably very important.
l want to take Toby to the surgery, let my partner look at him.
- That all right with you? - Do you know what's wrong with him? As a matter of fact, l think l do.
l say as a matter of fact l think l do.
A narrowing of the exit of the stomach.
- Pyloric stenosis.
- Almost swear to it.
Why didn't l realise that? lt's a tricky diagnosis to make, hardly any textbooks mention it.
You did very well to spot it.
Soa job for Granville Bennett.
Yes.
l suppose so.
Anything wrong, James? Thought you were fond of Granville.
- l'm very fond of him.
- Always speaks warmly of you.
That's the trouble.
Every time l go he gets me to the pub, gets me as tight as a tick and takes me home to meet his wife.
She thinks l'm a raving dipsomaniac.
He is lavish with his hospitality.
- lt's a problem.
- Unless, of course - What? - Could you come with me? Give me moral support.
- When do you mean to go over? - Tomorrow morning.
l'll have a look at the book, see if l can manage it.
- l can.
- Ah.
- l'll drive you over myself.
- Thanks.
l'll give him a ring.
Right, who's in here? l'm just ringing Granville Bennett about the Dimmock pup.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
Hardington 713, please.
Don't worry - Siegfried's taking me, keep me out of trouble.
- Oh, really? - Mm.
- Who's paying the bill? - l'll pay Granville and then we can ask Hello, Granville.
(Siegfried) Remember, James - when he offers us a drink, we decline firmly.
Tell him we're busy and have to get back.
Right? (James) Right.
Simply a matter of being firm, James.
- Polite but firm.
- All right, Siegfried.
You see the gross gastric dilation? - Classic lesion.
- Right.
Now l'm going through the serous coat.
Scalpel.
Now, a blunt dissection for the muscle fibres.
A little more.
And there it is, you see.
Do you see it? The mucosa bulging into the cleft.
- Oh, yes.
- Lovely.
- ls that all there is to it? - That's all, laddy.
We've removed the obstruction and in a few days he'll be eating like a pig.
- And keeping it down.
- Excellent, Granville.
- First-rate job.
- Thank you, Siegfried.
We'll put him back together then get off.
Suture.
l've got a little plan for the rest of the morning.
You're staying for lunch, of course.
Well, that is very kind of you, Granville.
We'd love to but we can't.
Can't? Nonsense, James.
No, we really do have to get back.
We're terribly busy.
Aren't we, Siegfried? Hmm? What, James? Yes, l suppose we are busy-ish.
But you've still got to eat.
Yes, still have to eat.
l've told Zoe you're coming.
She'll be bitterly disappointed.
We certainly can't bitterly disappoint Zoe.
Right, that's settled, then.
l'll just finish this off and we'll get back to the house.
We won't stop off anywhere on the way? l just want to pop into my branch surgery, that's all.
- Won't take a moment.
- l didn't know you had one.
Oh, yes, James.
Just a stone's throw from the house, actually.
lt's very handy.
So this is your branch surgery? Yes, very well-equipped, don't you think? Distinct improvement on mine! James, you're falling behind.
Keep 'em coming, George, these chaps have to get back.
- This is my shout.
- You are my guests! No more for me, thanks! (Granville) Don't take any money from him! (Siegfried) Three glasses of your finest malt! l've had enough already, thanks.
(Siegfried) Make them large, will you? Well, this is very nice, isn't it? lt's very pleasant to see you.
- Lovely to see you.
- l always enjoy coming here.
How's that ravishing Zoe? Absolutely radiant, radiant.
She's like a good wine, improves with the keeping.
Don't know if she'd like being a kept woman.
Thinks the world of young James, considers him a real card.
Thank you very much.
He's fast with a woman but slow with a pint.
(Granville, laughing) Keep 'em coming, George.
James? How lovely to see you! (Slurring) Hello, Zoe! - Where are the others? - They're just coming.
We stopped off for a drink.
(Sniggers) Really? - You think l'm a dipsomaniac! - Of course not.
l'm not, you know.
l hardly ever drink at all.
- Of course! - (Siegfried shouting) Zoe, my dear girl! Just look at you! You're a witch, you have to be.
- How on earth do you do it? - What? Look younger every time l see you.
Siegfried.
Are you hungry? - Ravenous.
- (Granville) Now, James, - appetite in good order? - Mm-hm.
- There.
Lovely beef.
- Oh, what fun.
(Granville) No pyloric stenosis, eh? - (All laugh heartily) - Help yourself to vegetables.
Allow me.
(Siegfried) Sprout man? (James) Mmm.
(Zoe) l made these especially for you.
(Siegfried) Ah, remarkable! - And some gravy.
- Thank you.
- Carrots, James.
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
- For you.
- Potatoes? l'll have several of those.
One of the greatest joys of coming here Well done, James! That's what l like, no holding back.
(Siegfried) Morning, Helen! Good morning, Siegfried.
Good morning, my dear.
James is late.
Yes.
Touch under the weather, is he? You could put it that way, yes.
Good thing l was with him or he'd have been in quite a state.
Oh, yes? (Dogs panting) (Siegfried) Hello, boys! Morning, James! How are you? Bacon's very good.
Bit fatty, otherwise very Oh, dear.
Do you imagine l said something that offended him? - Good morning, James.
- Mmm.
- Bit like that this morning, is it? - Granville Bennett has struck again.
Avoid him, he's bad for your liver.
l know that! - (Coughs) - What the hell are you smoking? - Egyptian.
- Smells like cow dung.
More like camel, l should think.
Would you mind not doing it, please? You are in a state, aren't you? - lt's your big day as well.
- What? Cricket match? Oh, my God, so it is.
- l'll never make it.
- Course you will.
- l feel awful! - You can't let the side down, - they're depending on you.
- l'll call Blenkinsopp.
You wouldn't want them to think you're frightened.
- Frightened? l am dying! - That's what it's going to look like.
l've heard your chief cause for concern has been removed.
Tagger Hird, he's not playing, he's pulled a muscle.
- Tagger Hird? - Their demon bowler.
The one they call the batsman slayer.
Never heard of him.
l thought it was he you were worrying about.
Never heard of him.
Oh, l see.
- Good luck.
Mind you win! - Yes, thanks.
James! You've got your own whites! Splendid! - This is our captain, Tom Willis.
- Tom.
Afternoon, Mr Herriot.
Morris.
- Hello, Morris.
- And Jim.
l've been hearing a lot about you from Mr Blenkinsopp.
- l'm not much of a cricketer.
- Aye.
Right, well, let's get off, eh? Yes.
Good luck.
You'll have to sit on me lap, Mr Herriot.
That's all right, Tom.
(Helen) Come back with the cup.
(Engine spluttering) - (Engine splutters and starts) - Ah, well done! (Helen) Bye-bye! Have a good day! (Helen) Bye! (James) Bye! Have a good day! (Siegfried laughing) - Ah, Helen! - l thought you had a meeting in Leeds.
Of course, you don't know.
Cancelled.
Old Westman's off colour.
- Oh, yes? - James is away, then? Just.
Aren't you going to watch the match? - l don't know, Siegfried - Could you man the phone? Tristan and l thought we might toddle over and watch for a bit.
There's something so profoundly English about cricket.
The gentle click of bat on ball.
The white-clad figures against the broad sweep of green turf.
As the run stealers flicker to and fro, to and fro.
And nobody ever really gets excited or upset.
(Siegfried) 'Sort of - 'gracious living.
' - (Cow lows) Will you get out of t'road, you daft old bugger?! Go on! Go on! - (Ducks quacking) - Go on! - That's the pitch, then, is it? - That's it.
Nothing quite like it, is there? The smell of fresh-cut grass, the sun on your back.
Really puts you in the humour for a game.
- Where's the square exactly? - Oh, you can see it, if you stand on that little hill there.
Well, let's at 'em.
Ermwe seem to be the only ones in whites, Mr Blenkinsopp.
Yes, they're an informal lot.
- Are they any good? - Oh, not bad at all.
- Always give us a good game.
- Ah.
Between you and me, it's a bit of a blood match.
Good thing, then, their best man not playing.
- Their best man? - Tagger Hird.
Pulled a muscle, apparently.
Good gracious, no.
That's him over there, practising.
Hey, what the hell?! Just itching to get at him, eh, James? l'll kill him.
That's the spirit, James.
That's the spirit.
When l get my hands on him, l'll kill him.
(Horn toots) Well, let's see.
We can time it to be at the ground for tea if we just dawdle along.
Three Crows at Hedwick will still be open.
ln that case - (Crack) - ARRGH! Howzat?! Well stopped, Mr Herriot.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Wait a minute, Tom.
He's not from Hedwick.
True, Mr Herriot.
But could say you're not from Rainby neither.
Mr Herriot.
Centre and leg.
Aye, that's about it.
About it? About it?! Well, is it or bloody isn't it? (Mooing) By gaw, veterinary, have l made a bit of work for thee there? Bet tha's never taken a cricket ball out of a cow's arse afore.
(Laughter) Right.
(Men) Come on, Mr Blenkinsopp! Get it! Throw it, Mr Blenkinsopp! Get it! Throw it, then! Come on, Blenkinsopp! Get it! Throw it, then! (Batsman laughs) (Applause) (All shouting) Morris! Morris! One coming, Morris! (Coughs and splutters) (Gentle applause) Take his place, would you, Mr Herriot? We need a safe pair of hands down there.
Back a bit more, Mr Herriot! Bit further! (All) Howzat! lt's yours, Mr Herriot! Mr Herriot! - Get 'im a bucket! - Fetch 'im a basket! - OW! - (Men groan) (Man) Butterfingers! Hard luck, Mr Herriot.
Easy to lose t'ball against them trees.
(Applause) Hello, James! Blenkinsopp, we're gonna win.
James.
Like some tea? l'm sure l could find some arsenic to put in it.
James, you look just the thing.
Thanks.
No, thanks, l'll need something stronger.
You managed to get out of your meeting? Yes, l did.
Farley telephoned and put it off.
- Bit of luck! - Wasn't it? - What's the score? - They put up 154.
My word.
Did you get a bowl? Yes, they took 24 off my one over.
Pure bad luck, James, pure bad luck.
Well, Mr Blenkinsopp did say it wasn't my kind of wicket.
Yeah, probably wasn't taking spin.
- Yes.
- Good man, Tristan.
Want some? No thanks.
(Tristan) Excuse me.
Oh! Hello.
Hello.
Dreadful fellow.
Tell me, tell me, James, erm where do you bat? Oh, fairly late-ish.
Our side's packed with bats.
Course it is.
(Church bells ringing) (Front door opening) Oh, hello, Mrs Hall.
l thought perhaps you were James.
Oh, he won't be back for hours.
Any road, they'll have to go down the Three Crows and compare bruises.
- Bruises? - Aye, Rainby against Hedwick.
lt'd not be much of a match if you didn't compare bruises.
Last year, Mr Tristan got a right one.
By the end of the week there wasn't a soul in North Riding hadn't seen it.
Oh, dear, l hope James will be all right.
He's hardly ever played cricket.
He'll be fine, Mrs Herriot, it's not like it were a Test match.
lt's only a bit of fun, nobody takes it seriously.
(Batsman) Come on! Ow! (All) Howzat! (Applause) All on you now, James.
Breathless hush, last man in, ten to win.
Huh? - Good luck! - Thank you.
(Applause) Bad luck.
- Centre, please.
- That's centre.
Thank you.
No ball! - What?! - No ball.
l've never been no-balled in me life! Tha has now.
(Coughs and sniffs) (Clunk) Well done, Mr Herriot.
lt's very fine architecture, you'll find it very interesting.
(Grunts) - (Cheering) - ls that good enough for thee? Good grief.
(Applause and cheering) Come and meet Tristan Farnon.
We've met, actually.
Last year.
Just under the heart, wasn't it? Tristan's ever so interesting, Tagger.
- Oh, aye? - He's been keeping me entertained.
Oh, aye? Tagger's my fiancé, you know, Tristan.
Really? Well, er, perhaps we'll meet again next year.
l'll look forward to it.
Especially if th'art playing.
- (Door slams) - (Helen) How did it go? (James) We lost.
(Siegfried) He was magnificent! Horatius on the bridge with Tagger hurling thunderbolts at him.
- Just one lucky shot.
- Nonsense, James! lt was a delightful late cut of exquisite delicacy.
Tom Willis was saying when we left the Three Crows, - he wants you next year.
- Oh.
Good.
Ah! l must dash.
Good night, you two.
See you in the morning.
(Sings merrily) - Did you really enjoy it? - l was terrified! Tagger Hird is a homicidal maniac! (Women chatting) - Oh, you're back.
- Yes, l am.
Visitors, asked to see you personally.
The Dimmocks.
He will say, ''Please don't forget (Both) ''To send me the bill.
'' - Hello, Mr Dimmock.
- We just came to say thank you.
Little Nellie insisted on it.
Hello, Nellie.
Looks like he'll be all right.
Don't forget to send me the bill.
That's a girl! - Come on, now, Nellie.
- (Boy) Can l have a sweet? (Mrs Hall) Not at this time of night.
(All chatting) Bye, David! Bye, Sarah! Bye, Nellie!