American Auto (2021) s02e09 Episode Script

1
So he killed at least five women,
but the police only found four bodies.
- And it's ten episodes?
- Mm-hmm.
And apparently, they
get the sister to talk.
Yep, it's gonna be my entire weekend.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey.
Where are you all headed?
Did you see the stock's
back up this week?
We should celebrate.
Let's go for drinks.
Together, or in our separate homes?
There's that cool new bar lounge place
that just opened up.
Sadie, you could feed
your cats, meet us there?
- Oh, I don't have cats.
- Really?
What's with the whole vibe then?
- Um
- Oh, hey.
Dori, we're gonna go get drinks.
Is this, like, a mandatory work thing?
No, it's just kind of a fun
team player kind of thing.
- [forced laughter]
- So I'm going?
Good God, we should
have done this earlier.
Ooh, hey, Elliot. Hi.
We're going for drinks. You're coming.
Oh, I'd love to,
but actually my parents
are in town tonight.
Yeah, I haven't seen them
for a while, you know,
but they're stopping over on
their way to Puerto Vallarta,
you know, so
- So I'll come for a drink.
- Great.
Uh, what's going on?
- Oh, nothing.
- I heard someone say "drinks."
Uh, yeah, I did.
Sick! I'm in!
Oh, I finally get to be your wingman.
It'll be an honor to watch you work.
Don't think it's gonna
be that type of night.
Can you imagine the
runoff this guy gets?
Even his leftovers
gotta be eights or nines.
Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
- Wow, this place is nice.
- Ooh.
Yeah, it's trendy, but it
doesn't feel like it's trying.
I like that the music
isn't, you know, too loud.
Oh, excuse me, ma'am, the
bus to the old folks' home
is waiting for you right outside.
Somebody give Sadie a flashlight
so she can see the menu. [laughter]
Do they serve Ensure martinis here?
Right, right.
Uh, you're lame as [bleep].
- Oh.
- Nice.
I'm joking, okay? She's
like a sister to me.
Come here, you big goon.
- [phone buzzing]
- Oh, my parents.
Probably wondering where I
am. Killing the buzz, as usual.
Um, I'm gonna get us a table,
and let's do some shots.
Are shots still a thing?
Is pouring alcohol in
a cup still a thing?
I believe it's still being done.
Amazing. Order us a round of shots.
Whoo! [forced laughter]
- Uh, is she acting weird?
- Yeah.
Her energy's off. She's, like
- Horny.
- Ew, but yeah, kind of.
Okay. How long do y'all
think this is gonna go?
Because my grandmama has
a birthday party tonight.
Uh, well, I'm in it to win it.
Jack, you don't have a
date or anything, right?
- Nope.
- Noice!
And I assume Sadie has no plans.
It's Friday night. Of
course I have plans.
I am
You could make up literally anything.
Yeah, that's what made it so hard.
- Mm.
- Yeah, so just,
you know, let yourselves
in, okay? Have a little rest.
You must be pretty jetlagged
with all the traveling.
Uh, Mum, all right.
Well, let's not get
too dramatic, all right?
I just saw all of you last Christmas.
Well, I think Zoom does count, actually.
One, two, three. Shots!
That's how you drink
shots, by yelling "shots."
- Mmm.
- Oh, Sadie's sipping.
You can't tattle on me for sipping.
I'll drink it how I want to.
No, he's right. Sack up, Sadie.
Come on. All right.
Let's each go around the
horn and share something.
Cyrus, go.
Okay, um
there's some interesting AI software
that I'm looking into licensing.
[imitates buzzer] Boring. No shop talk.
Come on. Share something about yourself.
- I really don't have anything.
- Oh, come on.
We barely know each
other outside of work.
Let's all say something personal,
you know, something you've
never told anyone before.
- Come on.
- Come on.
[sighs] I took a 23andMe, and it says
that I might have that
gene for colorectal cancer.
Well, that's kind of a downer.
It's not exactly what I was looking for.
- All right, Dori, save us.
- Uh
never seen "Titanic."
- No way! Me either!
- What?
So seeing a movie qualifies?
You asked for something personal.
- Jack, go.
- Uh [exhales sharply]
I like blue velvet cake
more than red velvet cake.
[laughter] That's crazy!
But it's the same flavor.
What did I miss?
We're digging deep,
getting to know each other.
Uh, Jack likes blue
velvet more than red velvet
and Cyrus is gonna die.
All right, jump in, Elliot.
Tell us about your real self.
Okay, well, here's a fun one.
When I was nine, a bully
shattered my clavicle
- with a croquet mallet.
- Whoa.
All right, now that's the
kind of thing I'm looking for.
Oh, my buddy had his clavicle removed
so he could do oral on himself.
- I think that's ribs.
- No, it's
wait, hold on.
Oh, yeah. You're probably right.
Yeah, it's ribs. It's ribs.
All right, let's get another round.
- Hello
- God, shoot me.
Ooh, I'm a huge Sudokuer.
Oh, truly I'm obsessed with it.
I'm not, like, a nerd about it.
No. No, of course not. No.
Yeah, not like I'm in
a league or anything.
[both laugh]
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Dark bar. You should cover your drink.
Thanks.
Yeah, I've just been noticing
how wide open that drink's been.
- You have?
- Mm-hmm.
How late do we need
to stay at this thing?
I think we can leave
whenever we want to.
I'm not gonna be the
first to get up, though.
Mm-mm.
Well, we'll all get up
on the count of three.
- Okay.
- One, two
All: Three.
What's up?
Cramp in my leg, so
I'm stretching it out.
Don't want to get a blood clot.
[chuckles nervously]
- Chicken.
- You are!
Are you guys hungry?
We should get menus.
Excuse me. Hi there.
Could we get some menus, please?
- Oh, great, food.
- Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, we actually
need to close you out.
We have a private event later.
- Oh, no.
- Aw, rats.
- That's too bad.
- What private event?
The Party Poopers of America Convention?
You know what? We should just
keep this going at my house.
- Yeah.
- Yes, I'm in.
Your house? Tonight?
Yeah, we're just getting started.
I mean, this is gonna be
fun. I will go settle the tab.
- Thank you.
- Pay that tab, homegirl.
Chug 'em if you got 'em.
My grandmama gonna be pissed
if I miss her birthday.
She ain't got that many left.
Hey, wait.
Should we be worried?
Katherine has never once
asked us to do anything social,
and now she's, like,
desperate for us to come over?
- Is she moving?
- What?
Y'all, if I miss my grandmama birthday
to help her move [bleep],
I'm going to lose my mind.
Hey, you made it!
All right! Let's get this party started!
- Both: Hey.
- What, are you moving out?
Oh, no, just Richard is.
We're getting divorced.
[sighs]
You guys just gonna
stand there all night?
Come on in. It's a party. Come on.
Sorry for the mess. It's usually
a lot nicer in here. Oh, yeah.
Like, you see those dents
in the carpet over there?
Just picture, uh,
three chrome nesting
tables stacked together.
They're great. Really
anchor the space.
- Totally makes the room.
- Sounds nice.
Hello.
- What is this?
- Hi, Richard. Hi.
I just invited a bunch of
my friends over from work.
- Tonight?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry. Should
I have run that by you?
Oh, wait. You don't live here anymore.
No, you just do whatever you want.
- Yeah.
- Like you always do.
I will. I'll do that, yeah.
Oh, if this is a bad time, we can go
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's a perfectly good time.
Richard was supposed
to be done hours ago.
The fact that he's here isn't my fault,
just like his many
shortcomings aren't my fault.
Oh, that's funny. Yeah, should we talk
about the things that aren't my fault?
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
Her narcissism, for example,
is not my fault, right?
Her clinical depression, not my fault.
- Well, this one has OCD.
- That's not my fault.
[argument continues]
Feels weird to be watching this.
Yes, I believe it is
basic house guest etiquette
not to stare directly at a couple
while they're actively divorcing.
Okay, while y'all figure this
out, I'm just gonna slink
- Oh, no, Cyrus, don't.
- No, Cyrus.
- Cyrus, no, no, no, no.
- That makes it worse.
I can't even slice a bagel correctly!
You don't cut it like a normal person.
Normal people slice it
I don't think this is any better.
Did you know they
were getting a divorce?
There's a confidentiality agreement
between a boss and an assistant.
I can't just reveal what's
going on in her personal life.
- You didn't know.
- No.
- I would've told all of y'all.
- What are you doing?
I'm not gonna make it through
this night without alcohol.
- You find anything good?
- Some white wine vinegar,
skin care products, and
some expired hot sauce.
Wow, sorry about that.
I was just working
- on a couple little logistics.
- Oh, no.
- What fighting?
- Totally fine.
Hey, let's get this party started!
Who wants music?
Uh, I don't know. What do you guys like?
Elliot, what music do you like?
- Well, I like all music, so
- But what's your fav?
- Like, what's your jam?
- Uh
just, you know, just, like, everything.
Kind of equally. Kind of, eh!
Do you not have a soul, or are you
just too frightened to have an opinion?
- Both.
- Okay.
All right, we're gonna
get up in the club now.
Here we go. Let's get funky.
Oh, shoot. Shoot.
Richard's the one that usually
deals with the Wi-Fi speakers.
- Want me to go ask him?
- Oh, no.
[scoffs] We're divorcing.
You know, kind of bad timing.
- The timing, it's eh.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, sorry.
[clicking tongue]
Oh, I know. Why don't
we go in the Jacuzzi?
Yes, we should totally hot tub it up.
"Hot Tub Time Machine," am I right?
Right about what? You
just named a movie.
Darn it. I don't have no bathing suit.
- Uh, we don't need 'em.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do.
You can just borrow one of mine.
- I have so many.
- Mm.
That's too bad for us guys, though.
Sounds like it's gonna be a
ladies night kind of thing.
I'm so jealous 'cause I really wish
that I could get in that hot tub.
But you know what? Next time,
I'ma get boozy in the Jacuzzi
with you Katherine, okay?
- Good night.
- [laughs]
- Oh, you know what?
- Hmm?
Oh, there are so many bathing
suits in the Goodwill box
- that Richard was giving away.
- Yeah?
- Let me go check.
- Okay.
- All right.
- How about that?
You got to stop saying
you want to stay at places
you don't really want to stay.
Yeah, Mum, look, I want to see you too.
It's just that I'm at
the CEO's house right now.
It's kind of a big
deal. Everyone's here.
I can't exactly leave.
What do you mean you're hungry?
What happened to the
Stouffer's I left for you?
You microwaved it.
Okay, well, if you
treat it like [bleep],
it'll taste like [bleep].
I think I've got some suits
for you to wear in the closet.
- Great.
- Yeah.
Whoo! [chuckles]
How long do you think
this is gonna go for?
I'm thinking 5 minutes to get changed,
20 in the tub, 12 to
dry off, say goodbye.
And we're out of here in 37 minutes.
- Nice. Nice.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Ain't it not sanitary to wear
somebody else's bathing suit?
I think it's fine.
My mama always told me
to keep my underwear on
when I tried on swimsuits at the mall.
That's why I said that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.
She also told me red lipstick
would make me a whore.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Hey.
- Nice suit.
- Yeah.
Uh, Katherine said it
was in a donate box.
- But I can
- It's all yours.
- Just enjoy.
- Thank you.
- It's a great suit.
- Mm-hmm.
It's just the right amount of pockets.
This one even has zippers,
which I can put snacks
You know what? I'm gonna take off.
[upbeat music]
♪
[bleep] damn night from hell.
Uh-uh, I
I can't figure these jets out.
I don't really use the hot tub.
I actually like how
it's perfectly still.
You can really see everything.
So when did you and Richard
decide to get a div
Oh, I don't want to talk about Richard.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.
- Yeah.
- Let's talk about other stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [chuckles]
- Yes.
So, Cyrus, so how are things
progressing with the EV stuff?
I thought you said no shop talk.
I did. I did. I did.
But we could talk
about it if you want to.
No, no, no, no, it's my
rule. I'm sticking to it.
No shop talk.
Tonight is about bonding and fun.
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyone see that documentary
about the Uyghurs?
Oh, no, I've been meaning
to. Is it any good?
- I haven't seen it.
- Ah.
Uh, I-I heard it's pretty sad.
Yeah, lots of people being
mistreated really badly there.
- Wow.
- That's pretty sad.
- [water ripples]
- Oh.
Uh, jets are kicking in.
So are we just gonna keep
sitting in this fart water?
As much as I've enjoyed this
deranged social experiment,
I'm gonna go.
- Ah, hey.
- All: Hey.
I just love that post-hot tub feeling.
Yeah, it's great 'cause you're not
in a hot tub anymore.
[chuckles] So what's next?
Next? Like, after now?
You know what? We
should play a board game.
Do you guys like board games?
We've got Clue, Battleship
Hey, Katherine, this has been
- Oh, wait, what's this one?
- Oh, my God.
Warhammer: Owls of Asgard,
which I think involves us
painting our own pieces.
Oh, wow, look at the time.
I gotta get up early for [mumbles]
[yawns] Yeah. It's a
bit past my bedtime.
- Oh.
- Ah, gotta feed the cats.
- Yeah, maybe we just call it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course. Of course, it's late.
Of course. Go home. I'm sorry. Yes, yes.
We can stay if you want us to.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, go home. Enjoy your weekend.
I've gotta catch up
on my binging anyway.
- See you Monday.
- Both: Okay.
- Night-night. Thank you.
- Good night. Thank you.
- Such a good time.
- Mm.
All right.
Who is in what tennis
game tonight? [chuckles]
Katherine, you sure you're good?
Oh, yes, of course. Yeah.
No, no, I just don't
know how to use remotes,
so I-I just watch my shows on this.
Night, guys. Take care.
You guys know the way out.
You know what? I think I'm gonna stay.
You know what? Me too.
You guys, it's fine.
I know how to be alone.
No, I'd rather hang out here.
Yeah, and if Jack's
staying, I'm staying.
I'm not gonna go do
a pub crawl by myself.
- Wasn't gonna do that.
- Right, because we're staying.
My parents are probably
asleep on the furniture
in my apartment, so I
don't want to wake them up.
- Oh.
- Night's shot to hell anyway.
Maybe we can Instacart
some booze or something.
All: Yes.
You have a whole case
of Pappy Van Winkle?
This is, like, six
figures' worth of bourbon.
You know what? Help yourself.
There's wine. There's cigars.
There's caviar. There's gourmet cheeses.
It's like a doomsday bunker
for the most fun apocalypse ever.
Yeah, if this was the apocalypse,
it's weird to think that we'd have
to repopulate the Earth.
We could try every combo.
Uh, this is a $10,000 bottle
of Château Lafite Rothschild.
It was a Christmas gift to Richard.
Well, hell, if that's
how you treat a man,
I'll marry you.
- Well, I am available.
- [laughter, chatter]
Mm-mm.
That is way too salty.
Yeah, dude, it's caviar.
So basically, this one glass of wine
- is worth two brand-new iPhones?
- Mm-hmm.
Worth it. Fill me up, Elliot.
- Thank you.
- [upbeat music playing]
Hey!
Hey. How did you get it to work?
I checked the modem, and
the Wi-Fi password was there,
so I searched local devices
Right. Can I say never mind?
Yeah.
All: [chanting] Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
[cheering]
Aah!
[vocalizing]
[vocalizing]
Both: Oh!
Suck it!
- Oh!
- Hey!
[playing Beethoven's "Fur Elise"]
♪
- What song is this?
- Oh, it's an original.
- Wow, you made that up?
- Yeah.
That's great.
You're the best man I'll ever know ♪
There's no way I could ever go ♪
Darling, there's no way
No, no, no, no way
I'm living without you ♪
Hey, check it out.
I'm Edward Chablis-hands.
Stop, Wesley.
I have to text my grandma
and tell her I can't make it
to her birthday party.
She gon' be pissed.
Won't she understand if you told her
it's, like, a work emergency?
She knows I'm just an assistant.
That's not an important job.
What are you doing?
Hey, Mary, I need someone to drop off
a 2023 executive-class Palermo to, uh
what's your grandma's address?
146 Lincoln Street.
Do the leather seats. All the options.
And write a note that says,
"Sorry we needed Dori tonight.
"We couldn't run this
company without her.
Happy birthday. From Payne."
"Dori will get married."
"And Dori will get married."
Yeah, I need it tonight.
Thank you, Mary.
Oh, my God. [laughs]
Thank you, Wesley.
[as Edward Scissorhands] Who's Wesley?
Thank you, Edward.
You're welcome. [chuckles]
Hey, your hands are really red.
It's really tight, actually.
I need some scissors, I think.
Yeah, okay, let me get some.
Oh, God.
Yeah, Hillary Clinton gave me this one
for something woman-y. I can't remember.
- Oh, is that you and the pope?
- Yes, His Holiness.
We, uh we met a couple years ago.
- Wow. What was he like?
- Gassy.
- Really?
- Yeah.
That's so funny. I'd heard that before.
- Big time.
- Somewhere else.
- Yeah.
- And what's this one?
Oh. [chuckles]
Uh, those are the burial plots
that Richard and I bought for ourselves.
Won't be needing those anymore.
I actually have six burial plots,
two for each marriage,
and I'm gonna end up being buried alone
next to a bunch of cats.
Ooh. Like the pharaohs.
[chuckles]
You know, um,
being divorced doesn't
have as much stigma anymore.
- I mean, I've been divorced.
- Once. Big deal.
I mean, everyone's been divorced once.
Maybe I'm just not marriage material.
Oh, no. Come on.
How about this? Here's the deal.
In 20 years' time, if we're both single,
we'll marry each other.
[chuckles]
- [sobbing]
- Oh, Katherine.
Oh, hey. It's all right.
You don't have to marry me.
Tear down the mountains ♪
Yell, scream, and shout ♪
You can say what you want ♪
I'm not walkin' out ♪
Don't jump.
[both chuckle]
- Just taking in the scenery.
- Yeah.
- You want to join me?
- How's the water?
- Oh, it's nice.
- Oh.
Oh, my God, it's freezing.
That is freezing.
Yeah, but if I told you that,
you wouldn't have joined me.
No.
[sighs]
- Good moon tonight.
- Mm-hmm.
I like a crescent.
The full moon, eh, it's a little braggy.
It's like, we get it.
We gonna talk about
last week at some point?
Mm, you mean the sex in the car thing
or the fact that Dale wore
mismatched socks twice?
[chuckles] Both of those are crazy.
I mean, I like you.
I just I always swore
that I would never date
someone that I work with.
But then I always think,
well, I'm spending so much time at work.
If I don't date someone I work with,
am I just swearing
off dating altogether?
And I also think that
[sighs]
I don't know what I think.
Well, when you decide,
you know where to find me.
I'm stayin' ♪
And you, and you, and you ♪
You're gonna love ♪
Oh, ah, ah, ah ♪
[inhales deeply]
Me ♪
Yeah ♪
Oh, ah ♪
Thank you so much. Next, we're gonna
slow it down a little bit. You ready?
I love a fire.
I bet our ancestors sat
around fires just like this.
Yeah, they were always
buying [bleep] from West Elm.
It's the first time I've ever used it.
And that's the irony:
you work your butt off
to afford a big house,
and then you're working
too hard to enjoy it.
- [scoffs]
- Mm.
Do you ever think about
what else you could've
done with your life?
I used to want to be an architect.
- Oh, really?
- At one point or another,
I think most young, gay boys do.
You know, it's probably
the whole Mike Brady thing.
I sort of always
wanted to go to New York
and do the fashion thing.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
Or, I don't know, become a therapist.
That seems better.
I used to want to be a pilot.
Or an athlete.
Or a detective.
Or a policeman.
Or a fireman.
Or an astronaut.
So anything a seven-year-old
wants to be when he grows up.
Oh, or something with dinosaurs.
- Oh, a paleontologist.
- No.
- Elliot, your turn.
- Let me guess.
- Haberdasher.
- Cheesemonger.
Chimneysweep.
Yes, very droll, everybody. Well done.
Please continue to make hilarious jokes
about how British and effete I am.
Okay. What did you want to be?
Well, if you must know, I
wanted to be a chiropodist.
- A what?
- It's like a podiatrist.
Basically essentially,
I mean, it's a podiatrist.
Now why would you want to go
and do something like that?
Uh, chiropodists make a lot of money.
That is the most random
[bleep] thing I've ever heard.
Jack, what about you?
What would your life be
if you weren't an assembly line
worker that I hit with a car?
I don't know.
Like, what did you want
to be when you were a kid?
You know, I never
really thought about it.
I just kind of take things as they come.
You don't plan anything?
How does a person live that way?
Well, a year ago, I
was a factory worker.
Now I'm sitting in front of a fire pit
outside of a mansion with
a Cuban cigar in one hand
and a hundred-year-old
scotch in the other,
so things just kind of work out.
But for real, was there, like,
a foot doctor in your
family or something?
Like, I'm trying to
wrap my head around it.
It's just it's a
recession-proof business.
It's too late to come home now.
I've called you a SuperShuttle.
Oh, it takes you to the airport.
It just doesn't take
you to the terminal.
You know, taxi's, like, $40.
I'm not made of money.
This is the softest
blanket I've ever touched.
It's merino wool.
They wick moisture.
That's why they're good.
- 'Cause they wick.
- Okay.
I'm gonna take mine home.
She's not gonna notice.
I love you guys.
Mm-mm.
Oh, gosh. Tonight was fun.
- Did everybody have fun?
- It was fun.
- It was.
- [chuckles]
Good. I'm glad.
Good night.
Night.
Good night.
You guys want to be buried next to me?
- Excuse me?
- Like, now?
- No. No, just someday.
- Oh, okay.
Great.
[chuckles] It'll be great.
I'm looking forward to that.
- [groans] Night.
- Good night.
[chuckles]