And Just Like That... (2021) s02e09 Episode Script
There Goes the Neighbourhood
1
[LIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]
[FRONT DOOR OPENS]
AIDAN: C'hello!
Hey! Aw.
- AIDAN: I'm here to check the meter.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
Damn, that was a long week.
- [AIDAN GROWLS]
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
♪
Mm.
I'm gonna go shower
flight 756 off me now.
Yeah, I thought I smelled
some extra leg room on you.
- Oh, yeah.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
Hey, I finally broke
the ice with the doorman.
He gave me a nice little salute
- when I came in the lobby tonight.
- No, no. Y
You don't talk to the
people in the lobby, do you?
[LAUGHS] Of course,
I talk to the people.
No, no, no, no. You're
We're supposed to be
invisible in this building,
not be all Chatty McNice-Guy to them.
- No, no.
- But I am Chatty McNice-Guy.
Relax. I'm also Chatty
McOver-Tipper-Guy.
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- The boys say hey.
They wanna know when you're comin' back.
Yeah? Even Wyatt? 'Cause, uh,
he was not buyin' what I was selling.
Pfft. Come on, he's 14.
Plus, you know, he's a little tricky.
In fact, I should call him,
he's got a thing about planes.
[SHARP INHALE] Nah, they all loved you.
- [FACETIME RINGBACK TONE]
- Homer, Tate, and Wyatt.
Hey, Wyatt Earp! I landed.
Yeah, I know. I tracked the plane.
Why didn't you call me?
Well, I just now got
to Carrie's. Say hey.
Hey, Wyatt. How's it goin'?
Good Dad, turn back the phone.
Next time, text me. Okay?
Yeah, buddy, I will.
I love you He's gone.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- All right.
[SIGHS] Do you want a glass of wine?
- I want a glass of wine.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, look, just don't take it personally
- 'cause he's 14, like I said.
- I know.
All right? Should've seen me at 14.
And 16 and 24.
Plus, he's only known you for a week.
No, I get it. I get it. And he's 14.
[LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
- What the Who's that?
- Shh!
[KNOCKING]
Building management.
[MOUTHS] What?!
- Fuck.
- [QUIETLY] Don't move.
That.
What is that?
[LIGHT, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
"Tenant in apartment 18F
"has exceeded the
building's 30-day guest limit
per building policy."
Ya had to talk to the people.
It's my nature.
Now we have no place to live.
♪
[AIDAN SNIFFLES]
Unless
- we could go back to my
- Nope.
CARRIE: I was gonna say no.
This is New York style at its very best.
I am shocked my client's
even open to renting it.
But I can't shoot in
Bangkok in September
unless the motorcycle chase
takes place on the water.
You have a whole roof deck
with a private pool.
The point is, it's wet.
Let's rethink the one-liner again.
What do you think, Ravi?
Eh.
Ryan, can you give us some time alone
- so we can feel the space?
- Whatever you need.
I'll be, uh, showing
another unit down on 17.
But "Eh"? It's $37,000 a month.
What exactly is your problem?
[INHALES] Eh, Giza is
too hot in September,
and Bangkok is too wet.
Okay, listen, you cut-rate Spielberg.
- Oh, hello.
- I meant the problem
with this apartment.
Is this really the best
New York has to offer?
No. No, I showed you the
best five properties ago.
It's been three weeks
of showing you the best.
Agreed.
But here's the plot twist.
If I had taken the best three weeks ago,
I wouldn't have these
wonderful afternoons with you.
That's very romantic. I thought
you only made action movies.
Oh, you want action?
["FUNKY BOTS" BY ZALENTO FT.
JUAN VICENTE ZAMBRANO PLAYING]
RYAN: Seema?
Seema?
Seema?!
I have never done this
with a client before.
- Please, get up!
- Not before you tell me
if there will be a sequel.
- RYAN: Seema!
- What am I gonna say?
- Say I took the apartment.
- SEEMA: Okay.
♪
[EXHALES]
He'll take the apartment.
What is up with the hair?
The central air in there is insane.
Well, we do what we have
to do to close the deal.
♪
So, you have any fun plans tonight?
Uh, I'm workin' a double shift at Scout.
Double shift. So, what does that mean,
twice as many French fries?
I do more than make fries, Mom.
Oh, yeah? What, do ya flip burgers?
I knew this wasn't just a casual coffee.
Just say it.
Fine.
I wonder if you have
given any more thought
to the summer program in Costa Rica.
You could practice your Spanish,
and learn to surf, and pick up some
college credits along the way.
- It sounds great to me.
- Well, then you do it.
- I'll help ya fill out your application.
- [SIGHS] Honey
I just want you to have options.
These are important years.
You need to figure out your path.
Well, you didn't figure out
your path till you were what, 56?
Yeah, so give me another 38 years.
Do you see how fast you
did that in your head?
Math has always been your best subject.
- Mom, you gotta back off.
- I know, I know.
I'm sorry. I will.
But how can Lily help
with Brady's situation?
He has slapped me with a gag order
on anything college related.
And Lily's so driven, I thought
maybe if they got together,
she'd rub off on him. You know? Osmosis!
Hmm. I'll ask, but I
can't make any promises.
Charlotte
my only child is making
French fries for a living.
I don't want his life's achievement
to be mastering the crinkle cut.
Okay. [INHALES] I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
CHARLOTTE: Hello!
Why did I just run into the guy
from Grubhub down in the lobby?
I thought we had an
agreement, only once a week.
Well, you're late from
work, and I'm in a crisis,
so Rock is in charge of dinner.
I may have over-ordered.
- What's the crisis?
- [HARRY GROANS]
I was just informed that
the caterer that I hired
for my Meet Herbert
Wexley political event
is suspected of using real pork
in their Szechuan dumplings.
This from Cy Hoffman's wife,
Cis, whose only proof is
"They're just too
delicious to be Kosher."
I'm helping Dad find another caterer.
Yeah, 'cause you weren't here.
Well, my boss asked me to stay
and help with the new installation.
So, what? Kasabian
thinks he can just ask
someone else's wife to
stay and do his bidding
till all hours of the night?
- Honey it's 7:30.
- Yeah!
Dad, come eat. You're
kinda spinning out.
We have tacos, pasta, pizza, edamame.
Baby how would you feel
about going out to Brooklyn
some night this week
and visiting Brady at Scout?
Why? We haven't hung out
since that ski trip when I was, like,
12 and he was 14.
Yeah, and he didn't leave his
sleeping bag the entire trip.
Well, 14 is tricky.
Anyway, Aunt Miranda
just feels that he's
been having a rough time,
and that you could motivate him
into getting back on the college track.
I'm supposed to tell
him to go to college?
- That's really awkward.
- Please, please. For me?
- Mm.
- He'd give you free French fries.
That's what I forgot!
- [LILY GASPS]
- [ROCK CHUCKLES]
- [SCOFFS] Lis?
- [SHARP INHALE, EXHALE]
- What?
- Were you asleep?
- No, I was just sitting here working.
- Huh.
Why is it dark out?
Because it's eight
o'clock and Gabby just had
- Lucky Charms for dinner.
- [GASPS] Oh, sugar.
- Hm.
- I'm sorry. It was a crazy day.
PBS is interested in
making my doc into a series.
So, as soon as I got Gabby home,
I came up to work on the treatment
and I just put my head
down for one second,
and then I woke up to your attitude.
You can't burn the candle
at both ends like we used to.
- [LISA GROANS]
- We're old now.
[CHUCKLES] Not so much old as exhausted
from staying up till 2:00
working on a certain
candidate's guest list
for the event at the Goldenblatt's.
Oh, well, that would
be me, and I thank you.
Did you finalize it
with the campaign office?
No, I didn't. I was trying
to get my work done first.
- Is that allowed?
- Absolutely.
There's no need to be
passive-aggressive with me.
I'm not being passive-aggressive.
You know I wake up cranky.
Ah-ha! So, you are admitting
that you were asleep?
Yes, Hercule Poirot, I was asleep.
Blissfully dreaming
I was no longer a wife
[WHISPERS] or a mother.
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting ready for bed.
Gabby already ate and I'm exhausted.
What about me? What about dinner?
Huh You know where the cereal is.
["HAVE MERCY" BY CHLOE PLAYING]
- [NYA MOANING]
- Oh, Nya!
- NYA: You're so big!
- Oh, Nya. Oh, God. Yeah.
- Nya, you're so hot.
- Why it keep costing like it do? ♪
All this ass up in my jeans
you can't get up in between ♪
- You tryna get a piece of me ♪
- [BOTH MOANING]
I can teach you a couple things ♪
NYA: Oh, don't stop! Don't stop!
- Oh, shit!
- Don't stop! [MOANING]
- Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
- You wrapped 'round my hand ♪
- Like a Cartier, oh-oh ♪
- NYA: Oh, God! Ha, ha, yeah!
You can't get this
thickness out of your mind ♪
- Oh!
- [HEAVY BREATHING]
Whew! [LAUGHS]
- That was really fun.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, who knew great sex could show up
faster than my pad Thai did last night?
[NYA LAUGHS]
[EXHALES] I guess everybody on Tinder,
but, obviously, I'm a newbie.
[PANTING] Well, you're a quick study.
- [LAUGHS] Thanks.
- [UNLOCKS PHONE]
Now we get to look at our phones
without pretending we're not?
[LAUGHS] This shit just
gets better and better.
Hi Yeah, um, someone
just left this box
in my building next
to some takeout menus.
- [MEOWING]
- Oh, man. What is wrong with people?
I didn't know what to do with them.
We're not an animal shelter.
You gotta truck that on up
to Anjellicle Cats on 49th Street.
Yeah, sorry. Ya know what?
I'll give you the address.
Um, has anyone ever told you
you look like that stand-up, Che Diaz?
Um, nope. You are the first.
I wonder whatever happened to them.
I hear they're working at a
vet's office in Hell's Kitchen.
No fucking way! You're Che Diaz.
This is blowing my mind. So, are
you not doing stand-up anymore?
No, no, I am. Just gotta, gotta keep
a steady gig, too, ya know?
- Keeps me honest.
- Oh, is that what it does?
- So, do you have any shows coming up?
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a
couple of gigs in the works.
And if you, uh, stop in
again, I'll let ya know when.
- I definitely will.
- Mm. You know what?
You can leave these babies here with us.
We will figure it out. Hey, uh, Gabby?
Can you take these to the
back, please? Thank you.
Thanks, so much. I'm Toby, by the way.
- See ya around, Toby.
- Yeah.
[LIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]
I haven't seen you flirt that hard
since Ilana Glazer
brought her parakeet here.
Whoo! I was not the only one flirting.
Hm. You know what you
gotta do now, right?
Yeah yeah, I know. I gotta
get a fucking comedy set together.
I was talking about finding
those kittens a home.
But yeah, that too.
Che, I'm here!
[MEOW]
[MEOW]
Do you love it?
- Do you want it?
- Where did that come from?
[SHARP INHALE] No one knows.
But [CHUCKLES] it fell asleep
in one of your shoes in the closet.
That's so cute, right?
That's cute. And manipulative.
Kitty, Carrie. Carrie, kitty.
I'm just holding it. For a second.
[LAUGHS] You broke it, you bought it.
Mm Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS] Yes.
Hi.
[KITTY MEOWS]
Hey, what's all that stuff?
Oh old jokes and new jokes
I've been trying to write.
They all suck.
You're doing stand-up again?
Yeah, but just to impress someone.
Well, why else would anyone do stand-up?
Take this kitty, I gotta go.
I just came home to change
for dinner with Aidan and Seema
and, um, to tell you that
Aidan talks to people,
so we got a kinda scary letter
from the building. I'm sorry.
Yeah. They emailed me.
Honestly, I was gonna kick you
out at the end of the month anyway.
Yeah, I'm actually making
enough at my job now
to almost live month to month.
It's the American Dream. [LAUGHS]
What's that, Kitty? What's that?
- [KITTY MEOWS]
- Oh, yes, you're still homeless.
Che, I can't have a
kitty without a home.
I already have an Aidan without a home.
He's waiting for me
around the corner at a bar.
Okay, what the hell happened
in here that was so bad
he would rather wait at a
bar than even come upstairs?
A lot of
a lot of stuff happened in here.
He just got really hurt.
So he's just never gonna
come back here again?
- How's that gonna work?
- Yeah. Um it's a problem.
Well, ya know what could
help with that? A kitten.
What about fostering?
'Kay, that's not a no.
- [INDISTINCT BAR CHATTER]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- SEEMA: There they are.
- There who is?
I thought you and I are having dinner.
We are, but I never said exclusively.
- Read the contract.
- Oh, really?
SEEMA: Hello, beautiful.
Oh, which one of us are you addressing?
- You.
- AIDAN: Ah.
- After you.
- No, after you.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Beautiful place.
Yeah. Isn't it special?
Carrie, Aidan, Ravi Gordi.
- Hi.
- How do you do?
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- RAVI: Pleasure.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I hope I'm not about
to geek-out for nothing,
but are you the Ravi Gordi
who directed "Nepal Kapow"?
- I am.
- No way!
- No f'ing way!
- What?
- Me and my boys love "Nepal Kapow."
- Oh, wow.
- AIDAN: Yeah.
- Not that many Americans know about it.
H-How did you find out about the film?
Well, my middle son loves
action movies, anything action,
and he found that
awesome clip on YouTube
where the tigers jump
out of the freight train
and attack the soldiers. [MIMICS] Ah!
- [CHUCKLING]
- I mean, God, we freaked out!
- [SEEMA LAUGHS]
- What are you doin' here?
Part of my next movie
is shot in New York.
Shall we order some wine?
Hell yeah, we should order some wine!
I gotta text the boys and tell 'em
I'm with the guy that
made "Nepal Kapow."
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
- Give 'em my best.
[SOFTLY] You didn't tell me
you were bringing someone.
- Who is this guy?
- He's nobody.
He's not nobody, he
directed "Nepal Kapow."
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
So, another beautiful dinner with you.
My pasta was overcooked.
Linguine al limone
should've been al dente.
When you say the words like that,
do you think you're speaking Italian?
Because you're not.
This is speaking Italian:
Quanti altri pasti dobbiamo consumare
prima che tu mi inviti a entrare?
Okay, show-off. What does that mean?
"How many more meals do we have to have
before you invite me inside?"
Look, Giuseppe, you may not
know this about me, but I'm shy.
And I like to take things
very slowly. Very slowly.
Slow is one thing.
Five dinners with no dick is, um
How do you say? Uh, not very gay.
- Invite me inside, Tony.
- What's with the "Tony"?
No one's ever called me Tony.
I like it. Tony. Tony.
You be Tony, and I'll be Maria.
- Mm, all right.
- Hm?
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Invite me up.
Tonight.
Hey Look, ya can't come up.
My ex's name is still on the lease.
We're, we're not divorced yet.
The super, he's spying on me
for him. It's a whole thing.
Sounds like a bullshit thing.
I'm an old-fashioned kinda girl.
In fact I should help
this nice old lady. 'Kay?
Excuse me, ma'am
Can I give ya a hand?
Anthony, it's me, Edie.
- Oh.
- I'm 57. I just stopped dying my hair.
Edie, oh. I-I'm sorry, Edie. Good night!
Ciao, Bello-Botticelli.
You are still not speaking Italian.
Go home, Maria.
♪
I just wanna apologize.
Like, feel free to leave at any time.
Yeah, thanks.
You know how much I hate
spending time with charming,
worldly, handsome men
who know how to dress.
- Blech.
- He's so wrong for me.
Really? Does he know that?
Because, um, even with Aidan
practically humping him,
he can't take his eyes off you.
He's a movie director.
For three weeks in the back of
my car showing him apartments,
out of the corner of my eye,
I saw actresses all over the world
sliding into his DM.
Not to mention the girls on TikTok
with the mmm,
uh, uh, mm-hmm, tch, tch.
[LAUGHS] Wow. Well, uh
not sure I'm ever gonna see Ravi again,
but I am definitely going
to request that character.
It's just for fun. It's sex.
He's not marriage material.
Who said anything about marriage?
No one. Change the subject.
Oh, okay. New topic: my apartment.
Good topic. What about it?
I've had an epiphany. I'm
ready to sell it and move on.
For real this time. But it has to
be something truly, truly special.
You know? Something worth
giving up my jewel box.
Well, the most spectacular place
has showed up on the market.
Never mind. Ugh, it's
way too big for you.
Well, how big is it? 'Cause I,
I, I do I need more space.
Oh is this about Ravi's
new best friend out there?
Partly Mostly. Partly.
[GASPS] Oh, my God, it's gorgeous!
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- It's two floors?
Yeah. I mean, Seema said
it was a lotta space,
and, uh, she wasn't kidding.
- How many bedrooms?
- Um, it's four bedrooms
Three bathrooms.
- [CHARLOTTE GASPS]
- It's extravagant, I know, but I figured
there's me, there's Aidan,
there's me and Aidan,
and then, you know,
Aidan has three kids,
and plus I just, [LAUGHS]
I just have a lotta clothes.
- You do.
- I do.
I have chills. I can see you here.
Yeah, so can I.
Can ya see me here, too?
'Cause I'm definitely
moving in with her.
[ALL LAUGHING]
- Does Aidan love it?
- Um, he hasn't seen it yet.
- You're the first wave.
- Oh.
As we should be.
CARRIE: And I have some other news.
I would tell you to sit
down, but there's no chairs.
So, whether or not,
you know, this place is it,
I'm selling my apartment.
[CHARLOTTE GASPS]
That is more shocking than
the four bedrooms, three baths.
- Are you really that sure, Carrie?
- Yeah. Yeah, I am.
You know, it hit me
the other day, like
w-why am I holding onto it?
For what? You know? The man I
love won't set foot in there.
It's time. You know? And it just
it feels right for me,
for us, for all of us.
I mean, even Kathy
and I, Aidan's ex-wife,
when I saw her down
there, we were fine, so
Oh. Oh, God, I, I bet it's Seema.
Should I make an offer?
Am I making an offer?
- [CHUCKLES] Yes!
- CARRIE: Really? Okay.
Oh, it's a Virginia number.
I guess they did find
the ding on that rental.
- [MIRANDA LAUGHS]
- Oh well. Uhh hello?
Oh, hi.
No, no, no, it's fine. Yeah.
Oh, I, I would be happy to.
Sure, yeah. Just text me where.
Okay. Bye.
- What was that?
- That was Kathy.
Um, she's gonna be in town
next week for the fabric show
and wants to meet for coffee.
Is that That's not weird, is it?
["NO CHASER" BY COCO JONES PLAYING]
- [NYA MOANS]
- Get a cup of me, just touch on me ♪
Big talk, big things,
I like the way you are ♪
Pour it up and
drink, get lit, we link ♪
Just sip, don't think,
I like the way we are ♪
You see this side of me,
you ain't gon' wanna leave ♪
- [NYA MOANING]
- Don't drink and drive, baby ♪
You're right where
you're supposed to be ♪
This here is top shelf,
I know you're thirsty ♪
Run up a tab so you can
get every drop of me ♪
[NYA MOANING, YELLING]
- [NYA LAUGHS, SCREAMS]
- Taste it, no chaser ♪
- If you want it, prove it ♪
- Yeah So good.
Oh, you're so good.
"No, Nya. It won't be a problem
that the only bathroom
is inside your bedroom."
- [NYA MOANING]
- Jesus fucking Christ.
[MIRANDA PANTS]
Lily!
Morning, Aunt Miranda. [CHUCKLES]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Yes, yes, I did know that
Lily slept over last night.
I guess they had a lot to talk about.
Well I'm, I'm not
sure how much talking
- they actually did.
- What do you mean?
I don't know how to put this,
but, um [SIGHS]
I'm fairly certain they hooked up.
- What?!
- Charlotte?
Everything okay?
Oh, yes. Um Christie's just
has me on hold again. [CHUCKLES]
No that is not possible.
She texted me that she
was sleeping on the couch.
Well, when I went over
there this morning to shower,
there was no sign of couch-sleeping
and Lily was coming out
of Brady's bedroom
But still, they're like cousins.
- She wasn't wearing pants.
- CHARLOTTE: What?!
Uh-uh. No. No way.
I cannot imagine that happening.
I don't want to imagine it either,
but how else do you explain what I saw?
I mean, if they were having
a really deep conversation
into the wee hours
Because that's what horny teenagers do?
And then, she felt tired,
so she went to sleep on his bed!
So when do the pants come off?
In the middle of the night.
Who wants to sleep in pants?
- Next.
- Hi.
Could I get, uh, two tacos, corn?
I just think that if
nothing had happened
- EMPLOYEE: Protein?
- She would've had a very different look
on her face when I saw
her. Uh, steak, please.
Uh, you know what? Maybe I should try
one of those plant-based things.
- Yeah, I'm gonna try that.
- EMPLOYEE: Mm-hmm.
Exactly what look did
she have on her face?
The look of a teenager who's
just been caught having sex.
Guacamole, salsa,
cheese. No rice, please.
No. There is no way.
Brady is not even her type!
What is that supposed to mean?
N-Nothing. Nothing.
I-I'm just thinking of all the guys
that she tends to have crushes on.
- I love Brady, you know that.
- Okay.
Anyway, Lily and I
talk about everything.
So, if anything did happen,
I'm sure she will tell me about it.
Well, I did want her
to rub off on him, so
- Next. [SIGHS]
- I, I, I have no appetite.
The question is if it did happen
And I am still very
much in the "if" camp.
And if it did happen, what does it mean?
Was it a one-time thing,
or are they a couple now?
And if they are, we all know
that someone's gonna get hurt.
If the new caterers ask me one more time
if I need pigs in blankets
for the meet and greet
What kind of kosher caterer
pushes pigs in blankets?
And then, when they do break up,
it's gonna be awkward
between me and Miranda.
Because of course, I'm gonna
have to take Lily's side!
No matter how you slice
it, this doesn't end well.
[GASPS]
Unless they get married.
She could do worse.
I guess.
And they would
have the most beautiful
red-headed, Chinese-Jewish babies!
Oh! [GASPS] But, oh, my God.
She would have Miranda
as her mother-in-law!
She could be a nightmare.
Or they could get really close,
and then I would feel left out.
Okay, I have a real problem here.
Do you or don't you
get a coat rack for
a party in the spring?
Nobody knows!
- [JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
So, where's your wonderful wife
that Charlotte keeps raving about?
Oh, she's, uh, she's held up with work
but she'll be here any moment.
- Herbert? We should make the rounds.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yep. Uh, thank you
so much for comin',
Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman.
Oh, please, it's Cy and Cis.
A-And we're looking
forward to your remarks.
Cy this dumpling.
Cis, please, stop. It happened once.
Uh, u-uh, no. That's just too good.
Have you met Anthony's
poet? He is adorable.
No, I have not.
- Hello!
- Hey. There he is!
- BRADY: Hi, Aunt Carrie.
- Hi. He's my favorite.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Hi.
Brady, what a surprise!
Are you here to see Lily, or, or Rock?
Or Lily and Rock?
Or Um, they're just
- They're both in the kitchen, so.
- Thanks. Yeah,
- I know my way around.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] Oh, God.
They are definitely doing it.
There is no other reason
he would ever agree
to come to this thing
with me, no offense.
- Of course.
- Care for an hors d'oeuvre?
- Doing what?
- We have been trying
to keep you out of it, but we are afraid
that Lily and Brady might
[WHISPERS] be having sex.
Wow, that's, like hearing that two
of my stuffed animals are having sex.
Whoa.
Imagine how we feel.
I made it!
- Mark! Hi!
- Interestingly, I,
I used to date a woman
who lived in this building.
- 2F.
- I know her!
Looks like more rain for the weekend.
Yeah? Bummer.
Oh.
Everything okay?
Yeah, you should go now.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, no problem.
[MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
Another time soon then?
Yeah, maybe.
[DEEP BREATH] Whatever.
♪
[CHUCKLES] I'll see ya later.
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPS] Hey, you!
- There she is! Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, I'm excited to meet the poet.
Word is he is capital A-dorable.
Don't get attached. I'm ending it.
It finally dawned on me what he's after,
and I will not be played.
Well, what do you think he's after
besides some, uh, hot iambic pentameter?
[CHUCKLES] Oh, Carrie, you're so naive.
Two words: Green Card.
GIUSEPPE: Ah, there you are.
For you, Tony olives and burrata.
- I know you love to say that word.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
You can make me a plate,
doesn't make me your wife.
Meet Carrie. Good
friend, no hidden agenda.
- Would you like? No one touched yet.
- Hi.
Well, yes. Thank you. I would.
Prego.
♪
She has oil paintings of her dogs?
- Mm-hmm.
- And the dogs are named
Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor?
Good. I was worried you and I
would have nothing to talk about.
- Aw.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- There you are.
- Oh, good.
Hide these under your jacket
and take them to the powder room.
Why is Mark Kasabian here?
'Cause you said to invite people.
There's only one reason
a big macher like that
shows up at a nothin' event like this.
Yes, because he is
friends with the Wexleys.
Uh-uh-uh. I am onto
him, and he is into you.
- The late-night art hanging
- Again, it was 7:30.
The way he flirted with you at
the Wexley anniversary party.
This is ridiculous.
Mark is not interested in me.
All the girls at work say that
he has a thing for blondes.
Really?
- My second wife was a writer as well.
- Mm.
Wrote "The Big Book of Bikinis:
From Havana to the Hamptons."
Oh, rats, there goes my bikini book.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- So, h [SIGHS]
H-Have you ever been married?
I was.
Was your divorce as
classically awful as my first,
second, and soon-to-be third?
Actually, no.
It was a wonderful marriage.
To a wonderful man.
It ended far too soon.
Well, it was nice meeting
you, Mark. I'm heading out.
I shouldn't have brought
up the bikini book.
[CHUCKLES] Idiot.
What about now? What are they doing now?
I'd say it looks innocent enough.
I mean, they're just talking.
[LILY LAUGHING]
Oh He just brushed her elbow.
Though I can't tell if
it was intentional or not.
Okay, switch.
LILY: Oh, my God.
[CHARLOTTE HUMS]
Okay, now they're just on their phones.
- Maybe you're right.
- [BRADY, LILY LAUGHING]
MIRANDA: Now they're laughing.
It's unclear if they're
laughing at the same thing.
[LAUGHING]
CHARLOTTE, MIRANDA: Hmm.
- [BOTH GASP]
- Oh! These breadsticks are so good!
- Amazing!
- I'm so glad we came and got them.
- They're so great!
- I mean
[PHONE BUZZING]
I'm getting in the car right now.
What? You're not even in the f car?
I-I-I'm sorry. I, I sat
down to put my shoes on
- and I must've fallen asleep.
- Jesus Christ, Lisa!
Mr. Wexley, your fans are about
to start rushin' the stage.
I am so sorry. Lisa's in the car now,
and I would hate to start
before she gets here.
Because I love her so much,
even when she's very, very fuckin' late.
Good night. Thank you for coming.
Good night. Thank you
so much for coming.
GUEST: Thank you. Good night.
Is there a reason you
keep walking away from me?
- I know what you're up to.
- Hm.
I've seen "90-Day Fiancé,"
all 35 seasons.
It's obvious you want a Green Card.
Why else would a gorgeous,
breathtaking young man like you
be chasin' after someone like me?
Don't put yourself down like that.
Oh, please, that is so season 33.
[GIUSEPPE CHUCKLES]
I don't need a Green Card, Tony.
I have dual citizenship.
My mother was born in Buffalo.
- Really?
- Si.
Tell me that again in Italian.
- [PLAYING CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
MIRANDA: I think we
should just barge in.
But if we do barge in and catch them,
we will wish we [WHISPERS] knocked.
- But we did knock.
- But not very hard.
They may be getting busy,
but they're not deaf.
Also, Rock is M.I.A.
They're probably just all in there
listening to music on their headphones.
They do this all the
time. It drives me crazy.
[DEEP BREATH] Okay.
I'm doing it. Okay.
- [BOTH INHALE]
- Hello!
[BOTH EXHALE]
- Okay, so then where are they?
- [WHISPERS] I don't know.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
- [GASPS] There they are!
- MIRANDA: Oh! Hey, guys!
Yeah, we weren't
really digging the food.
- So, we went to Roma, got a pie.
- Okay.
Smells good.
Well whatever
happened, they seem fine.
That's it? You don't wanna know?
Miranda
I had a lot of sex that my
mother did not know about,
and everything worked out.
So, no. I don't wanna know.
- I can respect that.
- LISA: Hi, I'm here. I'm here.
- MIRANDA: Oh, thank God.
- So, so, so, so sorry.
- CHARLOTTE: It's all fine.
- Where's Herbert?
- Oh, [WHISPERS] he's there.
- Okay.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Aw, she made it.
We wanna thank all of you who
stayed to hear Herbert speak.
Trust me, it is gonna
be worth your time.
Again, I apologize, honey.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, great.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- You were on time for your PBS meeting,
but you fell asleep before my thing.
Can we just talk about this at home?
Oh, yeah, fine, sure. Okay.
He sees what is great
about our great city.
How many times do you want me to say it?
- HARRY: Not so great.
- You don't have to say it another time.
This is not the place.
And he has a plan to help.
You act like I did this on purpose.
I still think you're being
very, very passive-aggressive.
- I'm not passive-aggressive.
- Right.
- I'm pregnant.
- HARRY: Herbert Wexley.
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Thank you. Thank you. Harry, Charlotte.
I
["MOTHERS AND SISTERS"
BY JENNY BESETZT PLAYING]
[LAUGHS] I, um
just need a second to
collect my thoughts, um
If you keep Kosher, I'd
steer clear of the dumplings.
- [CY SIGHS]
- Oh.
HERBERT: I [CHUCKLE ECHOES]
♪
Spinnin' laundry, quarters, and keys ♪
Meeting the laughin'
sun in the window ♪
The woman's eyes are
as wide as the sea ♪
- KATHY: Hey.
- [GASPS] Oh! Hi, Kathy.
- Hi.
- [AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
Hi. Wow, I was sure I was early,
- and ya still beat me.
- No, don't worry about it,
I'm always early.
To my dad, if you were
early, you were on time,
and if you were on
time, then you were late.
And if you were late?
- You're Aidan.
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Never met a reservation he
couldn't miss by a good 10 minutes.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Anyway, I'm sure you're really busy,
so I I'm just gonna jump
right in if that's okay.
No, no. I'm, I'm fine.
Take all the time you need.
Okay, um
so, after I met you,
I read your new book,
which was really moving.
Well, thank you.
So, um, I-I realize that you, you know,
mine your personal life in your work,
which I completely respect.
But I hope you'll
understand when I ask you
not to write about my boys.
Oh, okay No, I, I, I do understand.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, I mean,
even if you think
it's funny or flattering,
or even if you use a pseudonym,
I-I just don't feel comfortable with
No, I get it. I get it. Say no more.
I mean, I'm not a writer,
so I don't even know
if you've thought about that.
But you will be spending
more time with them,
and believe me, they're gonna
give you a lot of material.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- Especially Wyatt,
- our [INHALES] little puzzle.
- Yeah.
Well, actually, I, uh,
I am thinking about them.
I have been. Um, not as material,
but, um, I found a bigger apartment
that I'm planning on moving into
in case they ever wanna come up,
you know, on breaks, or a weekend.
Oh, okay. That's, um
That's Uh, wow. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, so I'm glad we're able
to talk about all of this.
Me too.
Look, I [SIGHS] I really
don't wanna overstep here
but I know your history with Aidan.
You know, you can't hurt him again.
Kathy, I'm, I'm very well
acquainted with our history.
Yeah, good. But because you
know it's not just Aidan now.
It's my boys.
I know.
Do we have a waiter?
No. You have to go up
and get it yourself.
- Oh. Okay, I can do that.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
- Okay.
- I have a black tea for Michael.
And it comes with a key to the park.
A key? Just one? What if you lose it?
Oh I'm pretty good at keeping track
of things I care about these days.
That's it right there!
- AIDAN: Wow.
- Yeah. Here, come on.
AIDAN: Look at that ironwork.
This place is a real beauty.
Wait till you see the inside.
- [LOUDLY] Hello-hello-hello!
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
Apartment comes with
its own echo, it's big.
That's what I like about it.
There's, you know, there's
plenty of room for you
and, uh, three other Virginians
you might wanna bring up here sometime.
I mean, after they've known
me for more than a week.
And look at the ceiling height.
You'll never hit your head.
Wow [LOUDLY] This
is really something!
And to be clear, I'd be
getting rid of my old place.
Oh.
Okay. You don't have to do that for me.
But I want you to be happy.
I am happy.
I love it I just
This has to be your decision, okay?
'Cause Gramercy Park is a
very different neighborhood
- from what you're used to.
- Hm.
I know how attached you are
to that old neighborhood.
Mm, maybe too attached.
Okay.
But you just have to be sure.
Are you sure?
Kathy told me I can
never hurt you again.
[SCOFFS] What?
I wasn't planning on telling you,
- but what do you think about that?
- [AIDAN SCOFFS]
Man, I gotta, I gotta
have a talk with her.
All right? I never say
anything about her boyfriend.
No, Aidan. Aidan, no.
- What do you think about that?
- [AIDAN SIGHS]
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS]
I think that this is now.
Different time, different place.
I mean, are you gonna
hurt me? Of course.
And I'll hurt you, and we'll mix it up,
and we'll get pissy,
but we'll work it out.
All right? 'Cause life is short, right?
And we deserve to be
happy. That's what I think.
That's how I feel.
I know I wanna be with you.
I want everything that goes with that.
No matter how many FaceTimes
that are turned away from me,
- I will not turn away from you.
- Good.
I'm sure about us, too.
♪
I'm also sure if I don't
leave here 30 seconds ago,
I'm gonna miss my flight.
All right All right, all right.
[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]
- Hey, lady. How are ya?
- I'm, I'm terrible.
Uh, I just found out the
gay guys that I sublet from,
they wanna move back to New York.
I'm Shit. Damn. Fuck.
- No
- These dudes are gonna have
to physically drag me out of here.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- I mean, can you imagine
anyone ever wanting to leave this place?
["FEELING GOOD" BY
MICHAEL BUBLÉ PLAYING]
- Actually, I can.
- Anyway, this is my Uber.
- I'll see you later. Okay.
- Okay. All right.
- LISETTE: Bye.
- CARRIE: Bye.
You know how I feel ♪
Breeze driftin' on by ♪
- Seema, I want the apartment.
- You know how I feel ♪
- Yep, I'm sure.
- It's a new dawn ♪
- All right. I'll talk to you later?
- It's a new day ♪
- It's a new life ♪
- Okay. Bye.
CARRIE: And just like that,
I went up the stairs
of my old apartment
And I'm feeling ♪
Without looking back.
Good ♪
I'm feeling good ♪
[LIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]
[FRONT DOOR OPENS]
AIDAN: C'hello!
Hey! Aw.
- AIDAN: I'm here to check the meter.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
Damn, that was a long week.
- [AIDAN GROWLS]
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
♪
Mm.
I'm gonna go shower
flight 756 off me now.
Yeah, I thought I smelled
some extra leg room on you.
- Oh, yeah.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
Hey, I finally broke
the ice with the doorman.
He gave me a nice little salute
- when I came in the lobby tonight.
- No, no. Y
You don't talk to the
people in the lobby, do you?
[LAUGHS] Of course,
I talk to the people.
No, no, no, no. You're
We're supposed to be
invisible in this building,
not be all Chatty McNice-Guy to them.
- No, no.
- But I am Chatty McNice-Guy.
Relax. I'm also Chatty
McOver-Tipper-Guy.
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
- The boys say hey.
They wanna know when you're comin' back.
Yeah? Even Wyatt? 'Cause, uh,
he was not buyin' what I was selling.
Pfft. Come on, he's 14.
Plus, you know, he's a little tricky.
In fact, I should call him,
he's got a thing about planes.
[SHARP INHALE] Nah, they all loved you.
- [FACETIME RINGBACK TONE]
- Homer, Tate, and Wyatt.
Hey, Wyatt Earp! I landed.
Yeah, I know. I tracked the plane.
Why didn't you call me?
Well, I just now got
to Carrie's. Say hey.
Hey, Wyatt. How's it goin'?
Good Dad, turn back the phone.
Next time, text me. Okay?
Yeah, buddy, I will.
I love you He's gone.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- All right.
[SIGHS] Do you want a glass of wine?
- I want a glass of wine.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, look, just don't take it personally
- 'cause he's 14, like I said.
- I know.
All right? Should've seen me at 14.
And 16 and 24.
Plus, he's only known you for a week.
No, I get it. I get it. And he's 14.
[LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
- What the Who's that?
- Shh!
[KNOCKING]
Building management.
[MOUTHS] What?!
- Fuck.
- [QUIETLY] Don't move.
That.
What is that?
[LIGHT, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
"Tenant in apartment 18F
"has exceeded the
building's 30-day guest limit
per building policy."
Ya had to talk to the people.
It's my nature.
Now we have no place to live.
♪
[AIDAN SNIFFLES]
Unless
- we could go back to my
- Nope.
CARRIE: I was gonna say no.
This is New York style at its very best.
I am shocked my client's
even open to renting it.
But I can't shoot in
Bangkok in September
unless the motorcycle chase
takes place on the water.
You have a whole roof deck
with a private pool.
The point is, it's wet.
Let's rethink the one-liner again.
What do you think, Ravi?
Eh.
Ryan, can you give us some time alone
- so we can feel the space?
- Whatever you need.
I'll be, uh, showing
another unit down on 17.
But "Eh"? It's $37,000 a month.
What exactly is your problem?
[INHALES] Eh, Giza is
too hot in September,
and Bangkok is too wet.
Okay, listen, you cut-rate Spielberg.
- Oh, hello.
- I meant the problem
with this apartment.
Is this really the best
New York has to offer?
No. No, I showed you the
best five properties ago.
It's been three weeks
of showing you the best.
Agreed.
But here's the plot twist.
If I had taken the best three weeks ago,
I wouldn't have these
wonderful afternoons with you.
That's very romantic. I thought
you only made action movies.
Oh, you want action?
["FUNKY BOTS" BY ZALENTO FT.
JUAN VICENTE ZAMBRANO PLAYING]
RYAN: Seema?
Seema?
Seema?!
I have never done this
with a client before.
- Please, get up!
- Not before you tell me
if there will be a sequel.
- RYAN: Seema!
- What am I gonna say?
- Say I took the apartment.
- SEEMA: Okay.
♪
[EXHALES]
He'll take the apartment.
What is up with the hair?
The central air in there is insane.
Well, we do what we have
to do to close the deal.
♪
So, you have any fun plans tonight?
Uh, I'm workin' a double shift at Scout.
Double shift. So, what does that mean,
twice as many French fries?
I do more than make fries, Mom.
Oh, yeah? What, do ya flip burgers?
I knew this wasn't just a casual coffee.
Just say it.
Fine.
I wonder if you have
given any more thought
to the summer program in Costa Rica.
You could practice your Spanish,
and learn to surf, and pick up some
college credits along the way.
- It sounds great to me.
- Well, then you do it.
- I'll help ya fill out your application.
- [SIGHS] Honey
I just want you to have options.
These are important years.
You need to figure out your path.
Well, you didn't figure out
your path till you were what, 56?
Yeah, so give me another 38 years.
Do you see how fast you
did that in your head?
Math has always been your best subject.
- Mom, you gotta back off.
- I know, I know.
I'm sorry. I will.
But how can Lily help
with Brady's situation?
He has slapped me with a gag order
on anything college related.
And Lily's so driven, I thought
maybe if they got together,
she'd rub off on him. You know? Osmosis!
Hmm. I'll ask, but I
can't make any promises.
Charlotte
my only child is making
French fries for a living.
I don't want his life's achievement
to be mastering the crinkle cut.
Okay. [INHALES] I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
CHARLOTTE: Hello!
Why did I just run into the guy
from Grubhub down in the lobby?
I thought we had an
agreement, only once a week.
Well, you're late from
work, and I'm in a crisis,
so Rock is in charge of dinner.
I may have over-ordered.
- What's the crisis?
- [HARRY GROANS]
I was just informed that
the caterer that I hired
for my Meet Herbert
Wexley political event
is suspected of using real pork
in their Szechuan dumplings.
This from Cy Hoffman's wife,
Cis, whose only proof is
"They're just too
delicious to be Kosher."
I'm helping Dad find another caterer.
Yeah, 'cause you weren't here.
Well, my boss asked me to stay
and help with the new installation.
So, what? Kasabian
thinks he can just ask
someone else's wife to
stay and do his bidding
till all hours of the night?
- Honey it's 7:30.
- Yeah!
Dad, come eat. You're
kinda spinning out.
We have tacos, pasta, pizza, edamame.
Baby how would you feel
about going out to Brooklyn
some night this week
and visiting Brady at Scout?
Why? We haven't hung out
since that ski trip when I was, like,
12 and he was 14.
Yeah, and he didn't leave his
sleeping bag the entire trip.
Well, 14 is tricky.
Anyway, Aunt Miranda
just feels that he's
been having a rough time,
and that you could motivate him
into getting back on the college track.
I'm supposed to tell
him to go to college?
- That's really awkward.
- Please, please. For me?
- Mm.
- He'd give you free French fries.
That's what I forgot!
- [LILY GASPS]
- [ROCK CHUCKLES]
- [SCOFFS] Lis?
- [SHARP INHALE, EXHALE]
- What?
- Were you asleep?
- No, I was just sitting here working.
- Huh.
Why is it dark out?
Because it's eight
o'clock and Gabby just had
- Lucky Charms for dinner.
- [GASPS] Oh, sugar.
- Hm.
- I'm sorry. It was a crazy day.
PBS is interested in
making my doc into a series.
So, as soon as I got Gabby home,
I came up to work on the treatment
and I just put my head
down for one second,
and then I woke up to your attitude.
You can't burn the candle
at both ends like we used to.
- [LISA GROANS]
- We're old now.
[CHUCKLES] Not so much old as exhausted
from staying up till 2:00
working on a certain
candidate's guest list
for the event at the Goldenblatt's.
Oh, well, that would
be me, and I thank you.
Did you finalize it
with the campaign office?
No, I didn't. I was trying
to get my work done first.
- Is that allowed?
- Absolutely.
There's no need to be
passive-aggressive with me.
I'm not being passive-aggressive.
You know I wake up cranky.
Ah-ha! So, you are admitting
that you were asleep?
Yes, Hercule Poirot, I was asleep.
Blissfully dreaming
I was no longer a wife
[WHISPERS] or a mother.
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting ready for bed.
Gabby already ate and I'm exhausted.
What about me? What about dinner?
Huh You know where the cereal is.
["HAVE MERCY" BY CHLOE PLAYING]
- [NYA MOANING]
- Oh, Nya!
- NYA: You're so big!
- Oh, Nya. Oh, God. Yeah.
- Nya, you're so hot.
- Why it keep costing like it do? ♪
All this ass up in my jeans
you can't get up in between ♪
- You tryna get a piece of me ♪
- [BOTH MOANING]
I can teach you a couple things ♪
NYA: Oh, don't stop! Don't stop!
- Oh, shit!
- Don't stop! [MOANING]
- Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.
- You wrapped 'round my hand ♪
- Like a Cartier, oh-oh ♪
- NYA: Oh, God! Ha, ha, yeah!
You can't get this
thickness out of your mind ♪
- Oh!
- [HEAVY BREATHING]
Whew! [LAUGHS]
- That was really fun.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, who knew great sex could show up
faster than my pad Thai did last night?
[NYA LAUGHS]
[EXHALES] I guess everybody on Tinder,
but, obviously, I'm a newbie.
[PANTING] Well, you're a quick study.
- [LAUGHS] Thanks.
- [UNLOCKS PHONE]
Now we get to look at our phones
without pretending we're not?
[LAUGHS] This shit just
gets better and better.
Hi Yeah, um, someone
just left this box
in my building next
to some takeout menus.
- [MEOWING]
- Oh, man. What is wrong with people?
I didn't know what to do with them.
We're not an animal shelter.
You gotta truck that on up
to Anjellicle Cats on 49th Street.
Yeah, sorry. Ya know what?
I'll give you the address.
Um, has anyone ever told you
you look like that stand-up, Che Diaz?
Um, nope. You are the first.
I wonder whatever happened to them.
I hear they're working at a
vet's office in Hell's Kitchen.
No fucking way! You're Che Diaz.
This is blowing my mind. So, are
you not doing stand-up anymore?
No, no, I am. Just gotta, gotta keep
a steady gig, too, ya know?
- Keeps me honest.
- Oh, is that what it does?
- So, do you have any shows coming up?
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a
couple of gigs in the works.
And if you, uh, stop in
again, I'll let ya know when.
- I definitely will.
- Mm. You know what?
You can leave these babies here with us.
We will figure it out. Hey, uh, Gabby?
Can you take these to the
back, please? Thank you.
Thanks, so much. I'm Toby, by the way.
- See ya around, Toby.
- Yeah.
[LIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING]
I haven't seen you flirt that hard
since Ilana Glazer
brought her parakeet here.
Whoo! I was not the only one flirting.
Hm. You know what you
gotta do now, right?
Yeah yeah, I know. I gotta
get a fucking comedy set together.
I was talking about finding
those kittens a home.
But yeah, that too.
Che, I'm here!
[MEOW]
[MEOW]
Do you love it?
- Do you want it?
- Where did that come from?
[SHARP INHALE] No one knows.
But [CHUCKLES] it fell asleep
in one of your shoes in the closet.
That's so cute, right?
That's cute. And manipulative.
Kitty, Carrie. Carrie, kitty.
I'm just holding it. For a second.
[LAUGHS] You broke it, you bought it.
Mm Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS] Yes.
Hi.
[KITTY MEOWS]
Hey, what's all that stuff?
Oh old jokes and new jokes
I've been trying to write.
They all suck.
You're doing stand-up again?
Yeah, but just to impress someone.
Well, why else would anyone do stand-up?
Take this kitty, I gotta go.
I just came home to change
for dinner with Aidan and Seema
and, um, to tell you that
Aidan talks to people,
so we got a kinda scary letter
from the building. I'm sorry.
Yeah. They emailed me.
Honestly, I was gonna kick you
out at the end of the month anyway.
Yeah, I'm actually making
enough at my job now
to almost live month to month.
It's the American Dream. [LAUGHS]
What's that, Kitty? What's that?
- [KITTY MEOWS]
- Oh, yes, you're still homeless.
Che, I can't have a
kitty without a home.
I already have an Aidan without a home.
He's waiting for me
around the corner at a bar.
Okay, what the hell happened
in here that was so bad
he would rather wait at a
bar than even come upstairs?
A lot of
a lot of stuff happened in here.
He just got really hurt.
So he's just never gonna
come back here again?
- How's that gonna work?
- Yeah. Um it's a problem.
Well, ya know what could
help with that? A kitten.
What about fostering?
'Kay, that's not a no.
- [INDISTINCT BAR CHATTER]
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- SEEMA: There they are.
- There who is?
I thought you and I are having dinner.
We are, but I never said exclusively.
- Read the contract.
- Oh, really?
SEEMA: Hello, beautiful.
Oh, which one of us are you addressing?
- You.
- AIDAN: Ah.
- After you.
- No, after you.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Beautiful place.
Yeah. Isn't it special?
Carrie, Aidan, Ravi Gordi.
- Hi.
- How do you do?
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- RAVI: Pleasure.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I hope I'm not about
to geek-out for nothing,
but are you the Ravi Gordi
who directed "Nepal Kapow"?
- I am.
- No way!
- No f'ing way!
- What?
- Me and my boys love "Nepal Kapow."
- Oh, wow.
- AIDAN: Yeah.
- Not that many Americans know about it.
H-How did you find out about the film?
Well, my middle son loves
action movies, anything action,
and he found that
awesome clip on YouTube
where the tigers jump
out of the freight train
and attack the soldiers. [MIMICS] Ah!
- [CHUCKLING]
- I mean, God, we freaked out!
- [SEEMA LAUGHS]
- What are you doin' here?
Part of my next movie
is shot in New York.
Shall we order some wine?
Hell yeah, we should order some wine!
I gotta text the boys and tell 'em
I'm with the guy that
made "Nepal Kapow."
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
- Give 'em my best.
[SOFTLY] You didn't tell me
you were bringing someone.
- Who is this guy?
- He's nobody.
He's not nobody, he
directed "Nepal Kapow."
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
So, another beautiful dinner with you.
My pasta was overcooked.
Linguine al limone
should've been al dente.
When you say the words like that,
do you think you're speaking Italian?
Because you're not.
This is speaking Italian:
Quanti altri pasti dobbiamo consumare
prima che tu mi inviti a entrare?
Okay, show-off. What does that mean?
"How many more meals do we have to have
before you invite me inside?"
Look, Giuseppe, you may not
know this about me, but I'm shy.
And I like to take things
very slowly. Very slowly.
Slow is one thing.
Five dinners with no dick is, um
How do you say? Uh, not very gay.
- Invite me inside, Tony.
- What's with the "Tony"?
No one's ever called me Tony.
I like it. Tony. Tony.
You be Tony, and I'll be Maria.
- Mm, all right.
- Hm?
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Invite me up.
Tonight.
Hey Look, ya can't come up.
My ex's name is still on the lease.
We're, we're not divorced yet.
The super, he's spying on me
for him. It's a whole thing.
Sounds like a bullshit thing.
I'm an old-fashioned kinda girl.
In fact I should help
this nice old lady. 'Kay?
Excuse me, ma'am
Can I give ya a hand?
Anthony, it's me, Edie.
- Oh.
- I'm 57. I just stopped dying my hair.
Edie, oh. I-I'm sorry, Edie. Good night!
Ciao, Bello-Botticelli.
You are still not speaking Italian.
Go home, Maria.
♪
I just wanna apologize.
Like, feel free to leave at any time.
Yeah, thanks.
You know how much I hate
spending time with charming,
worldly, handsome men
who know how to dress.
- Blech.
- He's so wrong for me.
Really? Does he know that?
Because, um, even with Aidan
practically humping him,
he can't take his eyes off you.
He's a movie director.
For three weeks in the back of
my car showing him apartments,
out of the corner of my eye,
I saw actresses all over the world
sliding into his DM.
Not to mention the girls on TikTok
with the mmm,
uh, uh, mm-hmm, tch, tch.
[LAUGHS] Wow. Well, uh
not sure I'm ever gonna see Ravi again,
but I am definitely going
to request that character.
It's just for fun. It's sex.
He's not marriage material.
Who said anything about marriage?
No one. Change the subject.
Oh, okay. New topic: my apartment.
Good topic. What about it?
I've had an epiphany. I'm
ready to sell it and move on.
For real this time. But it has to
be something truly, truly special.
You know? Something worth
giving up my jewel box.
Well, the most spectacular place
has showed up on the market.
Never mind. Ugh, it's
way too big for you.
Well, how big is it? 'Cause I,
I, I do I need more space.
Oh is this about Ravi's
new best friend out there?
Partly Mostly. Partly.
[GASPS] Oh, my God, it's gorgeous!
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- It's two floors?
Yeah. I mean, Seema said
it was a lotta space,
and, uh, she wasn't kidding.
- How many bedrooms?
- Um, it's four bedrooms
Three bathrooms.
- [CHARLOTTE GASPS]
- It's extravagant, I know, but I figured
there's me, there's Aidan,
there's me and Aidan,
and then, you know,
Aidan has three kids,
and plus I just, [LAUGHS]
I just have a lotta clothes.
- You do.
- I do.
I have chills. I can see you here.
Yeah, so can I.
Can ya see me here, too?
'Cause I'm definitely
moving in with her.
[ALL LAUGHING]
- Does Aidan love it?
- Um, he hasn't seen it yet.
- You're the first wave.
- Oh.
As we should be.
CARRIE: And I have some other news.
I would tell you to sit
down, but there's no chairs.
So, whether or not,
you know, this place is it,
I'm selling my apartment.
[CHARLOTTE GASPS]
That is more shocking than
the four bedrooms, three baths.
- Are you really that sure, Carrie?
- Yeah. Yeah, I am.
You know, it hit me
the other day, like
w-why am I holding onto it?
For what? You know? The man I
love won't set foot in there.
It's time. You know? And it just
it feels right for me,
for us, for all of us.
I mean, even Kathy
and I, Aidan's ex-wife,
when I saw her down
there, we were fine, so
Oh. Oh, God, I, I bet it's Seema.
Should I make an offer?
Am I making an offer?
- [CHUCKLES] Yes!
- CARRIE: Really? Okay.
Oh, it's a Virginia number.
I guess they did find
the ding on that rental.
- [MIRANDA LAUGHS]
- Oh well. Uhh hello?
Oh, hi.
No, no, no, it's fine. Yeah.
Oh, I, I would be happy to.
Sure, yeah. Just text me where.
Okay. Bye.
- What was that?
- That was Kathy.
Um, she's gonna be in town
next week for the fabric show
and wants to meet for coffee.
Is that That's not weird, is it?
["NO CHASER" BY COCO JONES PLAYING]
- [NYA MOANS]
- Get a cup of me, just touch on me ♪
Big talk, big things,
I like the way you are ♪
Pour it up and
drink, get lit, we link ♪
Just sip, don't think,
I like the way we are ♪
You see this side of me,
you ain't gon' wanna leave ♪
- [NYA MOANING]
- Don't drink and drive, baby ♪
You're right where
you're supposed to be ♪
This here is top shelf,
I know you're thirsty ♪
Run up a tab so you can
get every drop of me ♪
[NYA MOANING, YELLING]
- [NYA LAUGHS, SCREAMS]
- Taste it, no chaser ♪
- If you want it, prove it ♪
- Yeah So good.
Oh, you're so good.
"No, Nya. It won't be a problem
that the only bathroom
is inside your bedroom."
- [NYA MOANING]
- Jesus fucking Christ.
[MIRANDA PANTS]
Lily!
Morning, Aunt Miranda. [CHUCKLES]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Yes, yes, I did know that
Lily slept over last night.
I guess they had a lot to talk about.
Well I'm, I'm not
sure how much talking
- they actually did.
- What do you mean?
I don't know how to put this,
but, um [SIGHS]
I'm fairly certain they hooked up.
- What?!
- Charlotte?
Everything okay?
Oh, yes. Um Christie's just
has me on hold again. [CHUCKLES]
No that is not possible.
She texted me that she
was sleeping on the couch.
Well, when I went over
there this morning to shower,
there was no sign of couch-sleeping
and Lily was coming out
of Brady's bedroom
But still, they're like cousins.
- She wasn't wearing pants.
- CHARLOTTE: What?!
Uh-uh. No. No way.
I cannot imagine that happening.
I don't want to imagine it either,
but how else do you explain what I saw?
I mean, if they were having
a really deep conversation
into the wee hours
Because that's what horny teenagers do?
And then, she felt tired,
so she went to sleep on his bed!
So when do the pants come off?
In the middle of the night.
Who wants to sleep in pants?
- Next.
- Hi.
Could I get, uh, two tacos, corn?
I just think that if
nothing had happened
- EMPLOYEE: Protein?
- She would've had a very different look
on her face when I saw
her. Uh, steak, please.
Uh, you know what? Maybe I should try
one of those plant-based things.
- Yeah, I'm gonna try that.
- EMPLOYEE: Mm-hmm.
Exactly what look did
she have on her face?
The look of a teenager who's
just been caught having sex.
Guacamole, salsa,
cheese. No rice, please.
No. There is no way.
Brady is not even her type!
What is that supposed to mean?
N-Nothing. Nothing.
I-I'm just thinking of all the guys
that she tends to have crushes on.
- I love Brady, you know that.
- Okay.
Anyway, Lily and I
talk about everything.
So, if anything did happen,
I'm sure she will tell me about it.
Well, I did want her
to rub off on him, so
- Next. [SIGHS]
- I, I, I have no appetite.
The question is if it did happen
And I am still very
much in the "if" camp.
And if it did happen, what does it mean?
Was it a one-time thing,
or are they a couple now?
And if they are, we all know
that someone's gonna get hurt.
If the new caterers ask me one more time
if I need pigs in blankets
for the meet and greet
What kind of kosher caterer
pushes pigs in blankets?
And then, when they do break up,
it's gonna be awkward
between me and Miranda.
Because of course, I'm gonna
have to take Lily's side!
No matter how you slice
it, this doesn't end well.
[GASPS]
Unless they get married.
She could do worse.
I guess.
And they would
have the most beautiful
red-headed, Chinese-Jewish babies!
Oh! [GASPS] But, oh, my God.
She would have Miranda
as her mother-in-law!
She could be a nightmare.
Or they could get really close,
and then I would feel left out.
Okay, I have a real problem here.
Do you or don't you
get a coat rack for
a party in the spring?
Nobody knows!
- [JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
So, where's your wonderful wife
that Charlotte keeps raving about?
Oh, she's, uh, she's held up with work
but she'll be here any moment.
- Herbert? We should make the rounds.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yep. Uh, thank you
so much for comin',
Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman.
Oh, please, it's Cy and Cis.
A-And we're looking
forward to your remarks.
Cy this dumpling.
Cis, please, stop. It happened once.
Uh, u-uh, no. That's just too good.
Have you met Anthony's
poet? He is adorable.
No, I have not.
- Hello!
- Hey. There he is!
- BRADY: Hi, Aunt Carrie.
- Hi. He's my favorite.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Hi.
Brady, what a surprise!
Are you here to see Lily, or, or Rock?
Or Lily and Rock?
Or Um, they're just
- They're both in the kitchen, so.
- Thanks. Yeah,
- I know my way around.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] Oh, God.
They are definitely doing it.
There is no other reason
he would ever agree
to come to this thing
with me, no offense.
- Of course.
- Care for an hors d'oeuvre?
- Doing what?
- We have been trying
to keep you out of it, but we are afraid
that Lily and Brady might
[WHISPERS] be having sex.
Wow, that's, like hearing that two
of my stuffed animals are having sex.
Whoa.
Imagine how we feel.
I made it!
- Mark! Hi!
- Interestingly, I,
I used to date a woman
who lived in this building.
- 2F.
- I know her!
Looks like more rain for the weekend.
Yeah? Bummer.
Oh.
Everything okay?
Yeah, you should go now.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, no problem.
[MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
Another time soon then?
Yeah, maybe.
[DEEP BREATH] Whatever.
♪
[CHUCKLES] I'll see ya later.
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPS] Hey, you!
- There she is! Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, I'm excited to meet the poet.
Word is he is capital A-dorable.
Don't get attached. I'm ending it.
It finally dawned on me what he's after,
and I will not be played.
Well, what do you think he's after
besides some, uh, hot iambic pentameter?
[CHUCKLES] Oh, Carrie, you're so naive.
Two words: Green Card.
GIUSEPPE: Ah, there you are.
For you, Tony olives and burrata.
- I know you love to say that word.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
You can make me a plate,
doesn't make me your wife.
Meet Carrie. Good
friend, no hidden agenda.
- Would you like? No one touched yet.
- Hi.
Well, yes. Thank you. I would.
Prego.
♪
She has oil paintings of her dogs?
- Mm-hmm.
- And the dogs are named
Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor?
Good. I was worried you and I
would have nothing to talk about.
- Aw.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- There you are.
- Oh, good.
Hide these under your jacket
and take them to the powder room.
Why is Mark Kasabian here?
'Cause you said to invite people.
There's only one reason
a big macher like that
shows up at a nothin' event like this.
Yes, because he is
friends with the Wexleys.
Uh-uh-uh. I am onto
him, and he is into you.
- The late-night art hanging
- Again, it was 7:30.
The way he flirted with you at
the Wexley anniversary party.
This is ridiculous.
Mark is not interested in me.
All the girls at work say that
he has a thing for blondes.
Really?
- My second wife was a writer as well.
- Mm.
Wrote "The Big Book of Bikinis:
From Havana to the Hamptons."
Oh, rats, there goes my bikini book.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- So, h [SIGHS]
H-Have you ever been married?
I was.
Was your divorce as
classically awful as my first,
second, and soon-to-be third?
Actually, no.
It was a wonderful marriage.
To a wonderful man.
It ended far too soon.
Well, it was nice meeting
you, Mark. I'm heading out.
I shouldn't have brought
up the bikini book.
[CHUCKLES] Idiot.
What about now? What are they doing now?
I'd say it looks innocent enough.
I mean, they're just talking.
[LILY LAUGHING]
Oh He just brushed her elbow.
Though I can't tell if
it was intentional or not.
Okay, switch.
LILY: Oh, my God.
[CHARLOTTE HUMS]
Okay, now they're just on their phones.
- Maybe you're right.
- [BRADY, LILY LAUGHING]
MIRANDA: Now they're laughing.
It's unclear if they're
laughing at the same thing.
[LAUGHING]
CHARLOTTE, MIRANDA: Hmm.
- [BOTH GASP]
- Oh! These breadsticks are so good!
- Amazing!
- I'm so glad we came and got them.
- They're so great!
- I mean
[PHONE BUZZING]
I'm getting in the car right now.
What? You're not even in the f car?
I-I-I'm sorry. I, I sat
down to put my shoes on
- and I must've fallen asleep.
- Jesus Christ, Lisa!
Mr. Wexley, your fans are about
to start rushin' the stage.
I am so sorry. Lisa's in the car now,
and I would hate to start
before she gets here.
Because I love her so much,
even when she's very, very fuckin' late.
Good night. Thank you for coming.
Good night. Thank you
so much for coming.
GUEST: Thank you. Good night.
Is there a reason you
keep walking away from me?
- I know what you're up to.
- Hm.
I've seen "90-Day Fiancé,"
all 35 seasons.
It's obvious you want a Green Card.
Why else would a gorgeous,
breathtaking young man like you
be chasin' after someone like me?
Don't put yourself down like that.
Oh, please, that is so season 33.
[GIUSEPPE CHUCKLES]
I don't need a Green Card, Tony.
I have dual citizenship.
My mother was born in Buffalo.
- Really?
- Si.
Tell me that again in Italian.
- [PLAYING CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
MIRANDA: I think we
should just barge in.
But if we do barge in and catch them,
we will wish we [WHISPERS] knocked.
- But we did knock.
- But not very hard.
They may be getting busy,
but they're not deaf.
Also, Rock is M.I.A.
They're probably just all in there
listening to music on their headphones.
They do this all the
time. It drives me crazy.
[DEEP BREATH] Okay.
I'm doing it. Okay.
- [BOTH INHALE]
- Hello!
[BOTH EXHALE]
- Okay, so then where are they?
- [WHISPERS] I don't know.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪
- [GASPS] There they are!
- MIRANDA: Oh! Hey, guys!
Yeah, we weren't
really digging the food.
- So, we went to Roma, got a pie.
- Okay.
Smells good.
Well whatever
happened, they seem fine.
That's it? You don't wanna know?
Miranda
I had a lot of sex that my
mother did not know about,
and everything worked out.
So, no. I don't wanna know.
- I can respect that.
- LISA: Hi, I'm here. I'm here.
- MIRANDA: Oh, thank God.
- So, so, so, so sorry.
- CHARLOTTE: It's all fine.
- Where's Herbert?
- Oh, [WHISPERS] he's there.
- Okay.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Aw, she made it.
We wanna thank all of you who
stayed to hear Herbert speak.
Trust me, it is gonna
be worth your time.
Again, I apologize, honey.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, great.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- You were on time for your PBS meeting,
but you fell asleep before my thing.
Can we just talk about this at home?
Oh, yeah, fine, sure. Okay.
He sees what is great
about our great city.
How many times do you want me to say it?
- HARRY: Not so great.
- You don't have to say it another time.
This is not the place.
And he has a plan to help.
You act like I did this on purpose.
I still think you're being
very, very passive-aggressive.
- I'm not passive-aggressive.
- Right.
- I'm pregnant.
- HARRY: Herbert Wexley.
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Thank you. Thank you. Harry, Charlotte.
I
["MOTHERS AND SISTERS"
BY JENNY BESETZT PLAYING]
[LAUGHS] I, um
just need a second to
collect my thoughts, um
If you keep Kosher, I'd
steer clear of the dumplings.
- [CY SIGHS]
- Oh.
HERBERT: I [CHUCKLE ECHOES]
♪
Spinnin' laundry, quarters, and keys ♪
Meeting the laughin'
sun in the window ♪
The woman's eyes are
as wide as the sea ♪
- KATHY: Hey.
- [GASPS] Oh! Hi, Kathy.
- Hi.
- [AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
Hi. Wow, I was sure I was early,
- and ya still beat me.
- No, don't worry about it,
I'm always early.
To my dad, if you were
early, you were on time,
and if you were on
time, then you were late.
And if you were late?
- You're Aidan.
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Never met a reservation he
couldn't miss by a good 10 minutes.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Anyway, I'm sure you're really busy,
so I I'm just gonna jump
right in if that's okay.
No, no. I'm, I'm fine.
Take all the time you need.
Okay, um
so, after I met you,
I read your new book,
which was really moving.
Well, thank you.
So, um, I-I realize that you, you know,
mine your personal life in your work,
which I completely respect.
But I hope you'll
understand when I ask you
not to write about my boys.
Oh, okay No, I, I, I do understand.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, I mean,
even if you think
it's funny or flattering,
or even if you use a pseudonym,
I-I just don't feel comfortable with
No, I get it. I get it. Say no more.
I mean, I'm not a writer,
so I don't even know
if you've thought about that.
But you will be spending
more time with them,
and believe me, they're gonna
give you a lot of material.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- Especially Wyatt,
- our [INHALES] little puzzle.
- Yeah.
Well, actually, I, uh,
I am thinking about them.
I have been. Um, not as material,
but, um, I found a bigger apartment
that I'm planning on moving into
in case they ever wanna come up,
you know, on breaks, or a weekend.
Oh, okay. That's, um
That's Uh, wow. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, so I'm glad we're able
to talk about all of this.
Me too.
Look, I [SIGHS] I really
don't wanna overstep here
but I know your history with Aidan.
You know, you can't hurt him again.
Kathy, I'm, I'm very well
acquainted with our history.
Yeah, good. But because you
know it's not just Aidan now.
It's my boys.
I know.
Do we have a waiter?
No. You have to go up
and get it yourself.
- Oh. Okay, I can do that.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
- Okay.
- I have a black tea for Michael.
And it comes with a key to the park.
A key? Just one? What if you lose it?
Oh I'm pretty good at keeping track
of things I care about these days.
That's it right there!
- AIDAN: Wow.
- Yeah. Here, come on.
AIDAN: Look at that ironwork.
This place is a real beauty.
Wait till you see the inside.
- [LOUDLY] Hello-hello-hello!
- [CARRIE LAUGHS]
Apartment comes with
its own echo, it's big.
That's what I like about it.
There's, you know, there's
plenty of room for you
and, uh, three other Virginians
you might wanna bring up here sometime.
I mean, after they've known
me for more than a week.
And look at the ceiling height.
You'll never hit your head.
Wow [LOUDLY] This
is really something!
And to be clear, I'd be
getting rid of my old place.
Oh.
Okay. You don't have to do that for me.
But I want you to be happy.
I am happy.
I love it I just
This has to be your decision, okay?
'Cause Gramercy Park is a
very different neighborhood
- from what you're used to.
- Hm.
I know how attached you are
to that old neighborhood.
Mm, maybe too attached.
Okay.
But you just have to be sure.
Are you sure?
Kathy told me I can
never hurt you again.
[SCOFFS] What?
I wasn't planning on telling you,
- but what do you think about that?
- [AIDAN SCOFFS]
Man, I gotta, I gotta
have a talk with her.
All right? I never say
anything about her boyfriend.
No, Aidan. Aidan, no.
- What do you think about that?
- [AIDAN SIGHS]
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS]
I think that this is now.
Different time, different place.
I mean, are you gonna
hurt me? Of course.
And I'll hurt you, and we'll mix it up,
and we'll get pissy,
but we'll work it out.
All right? 'Cause life is short, right?
And we deserve to be
happy. That's what I think.
That's how I feel.
I know I wanna be with you.
I want everything that goes with that.
No matter how many FaceTimes
that are turned away from me,
- I will not turn away from you.
- Good.
I'm sure about us, too.
♪
I'm also sure if I don't
leave here 30 seconds ago,
I'm gonna miss my flight.
All right All right, all right.
[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]
- Hey, lady. How are ya?
- I'm, I'm terrible.
Uh, I just found out the
gay guys that I sublet from,
they wanna move back to New York.
I'm Shit. Damn. Fuck.
- No
- These dudes are gonna have
to physically drag me out of here.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- I mean, can you imagine
anyone ever wanting to leave this place?
["FEELING GOOD" BY
MICHAEL BUBLÉ PLAYING]
- Actually, I can.
- Anyway, this is my Uber.
- I'll see you later. Okay.
- Okay. All right.
- LISETTE: Bye.
- CARRIE: Bye.
You know how I feel ♪
Breeze driftin' on by ♪
- Seema, I want the apartment.
- You know how I feel ♪
- Yep, I'm sure.
- It's a new dawn ♪
- All right. I'll talk to you later?
- It's a new day ♪
- It's a new life ♪
- Okay. Bye.
CARRIE: And just like that,
I went up the stairs
of my old apartment
And I'm feeling ♪
Without looking back.
Good ♪
I'm feeling good ♪