Best Friends Whenever (2015) s02e09 Episode Script

It came! It came! It finally came! I got What are you doing? Makin' cereal milk.
What are you so excited about? Check it out.
I got my permit! You can drive? Why am I sitting around making cereal milk? Let's hit the road! Not my drivers permit, my work permit! I applied for it months ago, and it's finally, here.
What do you need a job for? You have Tradeskees.
Tradeskees is my passion.
But right now my passion costs about 150 bucks a month, plus my main investor is refusing to raise my allowance.
So, I gotta get a job.
I already have a bunch of interviews lined up for us at the mall today.
Us? Oh! Shelbs, I'd love to but I don't have a work permit.
Why are you smiling like that? I got you something.
I don't want it.
Well, you don't know what's in it.
Yes, I do.
Not until you open it.
It's a work permit.
It's a work permit! They say, "Dress for the job you want.
" This outfit says I'm headed straight for the corner office.
It also says "hand wash only", but who's got the time? This outfit says I'm only here to support my best friend.
Because I believe in her, and I love her, and she promised we could go to the food court.
So, where's your first interview? The make-up store.
Just think, the next time somebody yells at me to, "Buy something or leave," it could be you! How does three years of covering up pimples not count as job experience? You don't wanna work there anyway, their guacamole was terrible.
That's because it was an avocado face mask.
Well, whatever it was, it needed lime.
No problem.
I'm gonna nail the next interview.
It's at Wild Wild Vest.
Yes, they're vests, what else is there to know? Wow, there's a lot to know about vests.
Shake it off.
Those interviews were just warm-ups.
You're gonna get the next one.
You did not get the next one.
Or the one after that, or the one after that or the one after I know, I was there! I got rejected by every store in the mall.
Let's just go home.
Hey there, friends.
You look like you could use some free fudge.
Don't mind if I do.
This is really good.
I'm getting hazelnut, caramel, and is that toasted sesame? Wow! You really know your fudge.
You remind me of a young Don Barnwell.
Who's Don Barnwell? Only the fudge king of New Hampshire.
Shelby, cut it out, you're embarrassing me.
My name's Jordan.
I'm the owner of Fudgie Town.
I don't suppose I could interest you in a job? Ooh, a job? No, no thanks.
I had a lemonade stand when I was six, I'm kinda burned out.
But, Cyd, maybe you know someone who does want a job? Oh! Right, of course.
Yes, my friend Shelby here is looking for a job and all the other people who have rejected her today say she has a lot of potential.
I'll tell you what.
I'll hire you, if she comes with you.
Cyd, please do this for me.
I won't get a job otherwise, and we make a great team.
Please? Please? Please? Fine.
I'll do it.
Welcome to fudgie town.
Hey, Barry.
I have no time for pleasantries.
Something terrible has happened! Did you fall on the remote? Yes.
Also, I'm failing poetry class.
My teacher, Miss Wentworth, says I lack imagination, and emotion and I'm "alarmingly cynical" for my age.
I prefer to think of you as charmingly cynical for your age.
Well, your blind devotion to me aside, I'm getting an "F" and this notebook full of bad poetry proves it.
"Roses are red, but in reality they are all the colors.
"Only the red wavelength is reflected back to the eye.
"Fact.
" Okay, so you're failing poetry.
This is going to ruin my grade point average.
A lifetime of hard work flushed down the toilet like a Like a Well, like a simile a stupid poet would use.
Well, you definitely look like Fudgie Town employees.
Now let's see if you can dip like Fudgie Town employees.
Working here isn't as easy as it seems.
Really? 'Cause it seems like you just do this.
Did I miss anything? Wow, that was great! I'd hate to follow that.
Shelby, you're up! No problem! Here we go, I'll just, um Get a strawberry here and Whoops! Slippery little sucker got away from me there.
Let me just, uh, fish it out.
Yeah, that's gone.
That's never coming back.
Got it! Cyd, that was amazing! How did you know where to look? I don't know, it's like the fudge told me.
Holy cacao, she's a fudge whisperer.
Well, I've got a lot to offer, too.
There must be something I can do.
I have the perfect thing.
A mop? It'd be a real shame to pull an artist like Cyd off of dipping duty.
Did she just make a solar system in fudge? So we've got Mercury, Venus, the Moon, Neptupiter, and Australia.
She didn't even know Neptupiter was a planet until I told her.
You know, I know I wasn't the one who originally wanted this job, but I'm having a blast.
I've gotta admit, this is not how I saw things going when we took this job.
I know, right! This doesn't even feel like work at all! Ooh, we're out of kale.
Which doesn't sound like a problem, but for some reason people love it.
Can I help you? Do you work here? Yes, in a very important capacity.
So what can I get you? How about a marshmallow? You can't go wrong with a classic.
Have you been working at Fudgie Town long? Why, does it look like I know what I'm doing? Not really.
So, do I have to make up a reason why I'm leaving or can I just go? You can just go.
Wait a minute, Steve and Beau are also identical twins? How many sets of multiples are there in the tiny New England hamlet of Kipp's Harbor? Someone should be studying this.
Barry, are you watching soap operas and eating nachos? Why not, Renaldo? I already failed poetry.
What's the use in trying anymore? This is just the inevitable next step in my decline to mediocrity.
I have good news.
I talked to your teacher.
You talked to Miss Wentworth? On the one hand, that feels like an invasion of my privacy.
But on the other hand, now that I'm an uninformed member of the brainwashed masses, I must accept that sacrificing my privacy is just the price I pay for the vigilance that keeps me safe.
So what'd you find out? She said it's not too late to save your grade.
There's a poetry reading at the school this afternoon.
If you go down there and read one of your poems, you won't fail.
But it has to be a good poem.
And you've read all of mine, they're terrible.
I'm just not sappy enough to write this junk.
Don't worry, Barry, there's a great poem inside of you and we'll find it.
What do you know about poetry? Not much.
But that doesn't stop me from getting published in literary journals.
Renaldo, is that you? Sure is.
The goatee's fake.
And a comment on the unattainable expectations of masculinity in a post-feminist world.
Hey, Shelby, what are you doing? Nothing, just, uh, working for the man.
I mean you.
'Cause You the man! I am sorry I asked.
Listen, Jordan, I was wondering if maybe you could take me off of mop duty.
I'm really more of a big idea person.
Hey, Jordan, what do you do when the cash register is full? Full of what? Mostly fives and ones, but there's a couple of twenties in here.
Whoa, that's a lot of cash! I'm gonna go count this where the ladies can see.
Be right back.
Cyd, you're in charge.
Cyd's in charge? I'm in charge? I'm in charge? I keep trying to say it like a statement, but it's coming out as a question.
I get it, this is probably pretty overwhelming for you, but don't worry, I'm here to help.
How about I run the register or organize the display case or something a little more basic, like implementing a vertically integrated five-tier social media e-blitz? I gotta help this customer.
But it'd be really cool if you could take out the trash.
The trash? Man, this day really flipped the script on us, didn't it? I mean, here you are in charge, asking me to take out the trash.
Never thought that would happen.
Wait.
Why wouldn't that happen? Well, you know, 'cause you're you and I'm me And this is me asking you to take out the trash.
Can you handle that? Yes.
I can handle that.
Whoa, this is heavy.
Oh, no! Okay, Barry, to write poetry, you have to be in touch with your emotions.
How do you feel? Hmm, right now I'm feeling Warm.
Warm is not an emotion.
Is itchy an emotion? Nope! I have no idea how the human body works, but I think the tube connecting your brain to your feelings-maker is clogged.
All we gotta do is clear that clog by blasting a high-pressure stream of emotion through your feelings pipe.
Renaldo, you're right.
You have no idea how the human body works.
We'll start with joy.
Are you feeling it, Barry? Are you feeling joy? I feel like I'm being used as a litterbox.
No joy, huh? Maybe the kittens are broken.
Let me get in there.
A video about a lost dog who travels 3,000 miles to find his boy? Who does sentimental garbage like this work on? It's so beautiful.
It's so beautiful I can't breathe.
This one's sure to make you want to write a poem.
Get ready to be overwhelmed with delight! Bubbles? Yeah! They're like fairy burps! Come on, let's pop some! Whoo.
Ahhh! My eye! It got in my eye! That's it.
I can't take it anymore.
Poetry is the dumbest thing ever! I can't just turn on my feelings with a lever! I am a fiery inferno of rage right now and I want to extinguish it, but I don't know how.
Barry! Your anger about poetry was the most poetic thing I've heard all day.
You could use it to write a poem.
Maybe.
But I have to stay mad in order to write it.
Don't worry, I got you.
Ow! That's the stuff, Renaldo! Don't lose your resolve! Oh, don't worry, I could do this all day.
Hey, you work at Fudgie Town, right? Barely.
My friend's got me on garbage duty while she does all of the important stuff.
I mean, she didn't even want this job and now she's the boss.
So, you say you're not happy working there? Let me put it to you this way.
I just fell in a dumpster, and it wasn't the lowest point of my day.
In that case, maybe you'd like to work for me.
Really? Oh, but I already work at Fudgie Town.
I should probably give them two weeks' notice.
And then I'd love to squeeze in a little vacay.
Can I start in a month? Just come with me.
Wow! Hey, is that Fudgie Town? Are you guys spying on us? You're not from a rival fudge kiosk, are you? I'm Detective Zoe Walters, Portland police.
We have reason to believe your boss, Jordan, has committed burglaries in seven malls across the state.
I I'm sorry, could you say that again? I was just thinking about how cool female detectives are.
I mean, you're the boss, right? Mmm-hmm.
You tell these guys what to do.
Wait, Jordan's a criminal? Ah, this makes so much sense! Why? Have you witnessed any suspicious behavior? Uh, yeah! He made me mop.
Like a Like a criminal amount.
We believe that your boss, Jordan, has been using Fudgie Town as a cover so he can rob stores in malls.
This is crazy.
I have to tell Cyd.
No, you can't tell anyone.
If Jordan gets tipped off that the police are here, he'll run.
That's why we need you.
You can help us catch him.
You want me to go undercover? Oh, can I have a badge? No.
Right, 'cause I'm undercover.
That's not why.
I just need you to wear this.
This button is a microphone.
We can hear everything Jordan says.
You get him to talk about robbing those malls, and we'll swoop in and arrest him and anybody working with him.
Whoa, wait.
My best friend is working at Fudgie Town.
As long as your friend doesn't incriminate herself, she'll be fine.
Think you can handle this? Yes, I am totally up for it! When I bust him, I'm gonna be like, "Tell it to the fudge.
" Please don't.
The poetry reading has already started.
I'll tell Miss Wentworth you're here.
I'm leaving.
What are you talking about? We worked so hard on getting you in touch with your emotions, not to mention finding forever homes for all those kittens.
Why would you stop now? It's one thing to write a poem.
But performing it? What if I sound like an idiot? Why? For sharing your feelings? You know, a wise man once said, "Our feelings make us who we are.
" Who said that? This guy.
And he thinks your feelings are worth sharing.
Thanks for believing in me, Renaldo.
Now go save your grade so we don't end up having to go to different colleges.
Ah, I don't think we're going to the same college.
Not if you don't save your grade.
Hi, everybody.
I'm sorry, I'm not really comfortable with this.
I feel a little ridiculous.
Is that better? Um No.
That's way worse.
Okay, here goes nothing.
"Ever so rare and pure, you are out of this world.
"I appreciate our bond.
" "Light and free you always lift me.
" "Inert, "noble, "true" "Your warmth "Invigorating, "captivating "Inflated, yet ego-less, you are essential to life.
" Barry, that was great! And I think we both know what it was really about.
I suppose it was fairly obvious.
Helium, my favorite element.
It definitely wasn't about the simple beauty of one friend helping another friend find his emotions.
Good thing it wasn't about that.
'Cause then we'd both be crying.
Hey, Cyd.
Where's Jordan? Forget Jordan.
Where have you been? I asked you to take out the trash and you never came back.
Me? I was nowhere.
Doing nothing.
Nothing I can't tell you about.
'Cause I would.
If I'd been doing anything.
But I wasn't.
You weren't doing anything? Shelby, I was slammed.
I could have used your help.
Cyd There she is! My partner in crime! No, she isn't! No, she isn't.
How's it going? See for yourself.
Man, we are robbing this place! Cyd's not! She's not doing anything! Are you kidding me? I've been running this whole operation.
I'm in charge.
No, you are not.
You are not responsible for any of this.
Why would you say that? Ooh, looks like it's not just the dark chocolate that's bitter, hmm? Look, Cyd, you don't understand what's going on.
No, I think I do.
I only took this job so you could have a job, and then when things didn't go exactly the way you wanted them to, you bailed on me.
Okay, you're right, I did, but I Why would you do that? We were supposed to be a team, remember? Yeah, you're right.
I just thought I would be good at this.
But I wasn't.
You were.
And I should have been okay with that.
I should have let you take the lead.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Let's just get back to work.
Jordan's been talking about branching out, hitting other malls.
I really wanna be a part of that.
Okay, you have got to stop saying things like that.
Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Jordan is a thief.
I'm kind of undercover right now.
A strong, empowered lady cop gave me this.
She bosses dudes around.
It's awesome.
Shelby, you're talking crazy.
I'm serious! The cops can hear everything through this.
Well, not anymore.
Now it's all covered in fudge.
I'll get it.
Forget it, I'm using my hands.
Almost got it.
Shelby! Hands are one thing we do not dip in the fudge! Unless Cyd, what do you think? Got it! Admit it, Jordan! You robbed those malls and you were planning on doing the same thing here! Rob the mall.
I would never do that.
What is that stuff? Those are the things he stole! Zoe, get out here! Well, it's been real nice working with you two.
Especially you, Cyd.
Shelby, less so.
Hey, wait.
What's happening? All we were picking up was static.
That would explain it.
I'm sorry.
Jordan got away.
But he doesn't have to.
What do you say? You wanna work together? Only if you take the lead.
There she is! My partner in crime! No, I'm not.
This is Cyd Ripley confirming I am not his partner in crime.
Zoe, you may want to get out here.
Why are you two acting so weird? Hold it right there! I think this is what you're looking for.
I don't know where all those things came from.
Tell it to the fudge! I specifically said not to say that.
She doesn't always listen.
But I love her.
Tell it to the fudge! That's so good! What did that Jordan guy think, did he laugh? No, Naldo, he did not laugh.
Because he was being arrested.
I still can't believe our first job was for a criminal.
I still can't believe how good I was at working.
I can.
Next job we get, I'll be happy to take orders from you.
Whoa, what do you mean, "next job"? I just worked a full day.
I need at least a year off.
Shh! Would you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watc Kipp's Harbor.
Steve is about to tell Kyle that they're the same person.
Is that Steve? Shh! Why does that dog have an eyepatch? Shh! Does Alexander know he married a ghost? I can't do this! You guys are infuriating! Oh, I am so angry I could write a poem!