Big City Greens (2018) s02e09 Episode Script

[theme song plays]
One, two
One, two, three, four ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
[clucking]
[BILL] Heh heh, scoot yer boot.
There! All ready for planting.
Tilly, do you think I bought
too many seeds for our little farm?
Well, we don't have a lot of space.
But in anticipation of this dilemma,
I've been engineering
some alternative planting locations.
[yawn]
[purrs]
[sigh] Even if we had more planting beds,
I feel like the current
Green family farm is, well
Penned inwardly by the steel monoliths
of our industrialized urban landscape?
[TILLY] Unable to grow or expand
within a wrought iron cage
that predetermines exactly how far
we are allowed to advance?
Tilly, language.
Oh, hey, boys!
Uh, hello, Father!
Want to plant crops
with me and your sister?
Sorry, we gotta use the toilet.
[both giggling]
Huh. Sounds untrue.
I'll be right back, sweetie.
Okay, I'll just be out here.
Tilly being Tilly.
-Pi-too!
-Pi-too!
-Ptooey!
-Pi-too!
[game announcer] Geee-ross!
Yeah! You got spat!
Heh heh! Calm down, man.
Son, what is this?
[announcer] Player Two wins!
Now don't you go spittin'
on yer friends now, ya hear?
Video games, Dad!
We're post-millennial
screensters, Mr. Green!
Remy just got the new Bintendo Twist Plus.
So I gave Cricket my old one!
The Bintendo Twist Minus.
[sigh]
While this is generous of you, Remy,
I'm not sure I want
a "digital game system" in my house.
You gotta give it a chance, Dad!
[CRICKET] You know what they say,
there's a game for
everyone!
Now what is-- [gasp]
[BILL] That's a nice field.
That's a nice farm!
That's some nice corn!
Oh, wow wow wow wow wow!
Cricket did you see that tractor?
Yes, yes, very cool.
Now pick your avatar.
[BILL] This guy looks friendly.
Heh. Neat.
[mooing]
[BILL] What do I do now?
[CRICKET] Anything you want.
[BILL] Can I set up
this milker on that cow?
What was that?
It's an achievement for doing something.
A "Cheevo"!
A-cheevo, huh?
That felt good.
Wanna go back to your house
and play your Twist Plus?
Later, Dad!
Later, Dad.
[BILL] Ohh!
[whistling]
[yawning] Good night, Dad.
Yeah.
[yawning] Mornin', Dad.
Yeah.
Dad, have you slept yet?
Yeah, I'm sleeping right now. Look.
[snoring]
-Follow-up question.
-Sure.
Did the real Bill sleep?
Who?
Hey, listen, I'm gonna
go put on some pants
and then probably organize
some kind of intervention for you
with the rest of the family, okay?
Yeah.
So you're probably all wondering
why I gathered you here.
I know why!
Bill didn't water
any of the crops yesterday.
They're gonna turn gray!
Believe it or not, that measly garden
is this household's money maker!
We gotta get him off that game
before we're all broke!
I agree!
Also, it'll give me a turn to play.
Dad!
I've got a uncooked, unwashed carrot,
just how you like!
Go get it!
Papa, what is it that's keeping you
so preoccupied?
Well, Sweetie, I'm just trying
to collect all the achievements.
I recently earned
the "shut the barn door" badge
for shutting the barn door 30 times!
And the "Aw, shucks!" badge
for shucking a thousand cornstalks!
I'm also going for the certificate
of eggcellence.
But that one might take a while.
So in the meantime, let's taste test
my newly canned jam!
Let's see what he thinks.
Ah! He loves it!
That's another achievement!
And there's so much more to unlock.
I just gotta keep leveling up
by building my farm
and advancing across the land.
Until one day, it's an endless paradise.
Aw, dang it! Got stuck on the roof again!
All right, Bill, if you don't drop
that thing right now,
I'm gonna pry it from you
and chuck it straight down
the garbage disposal!
-What? Let's not be hasty!
-Oh, my goodness!
No. Your Gramma's right.
Sometimes in life,
we gotta make tough choices,
but we make them for the ones we love.
That's a value that guides this family.
And if my choice comes down to real life
versus some video game, well
-[panting]
-[door slams]
[grunting]
[video game playing]
Um, in this house, we don't lock doors!
Oh, he ain't coming out.
I'll go get my chainsaw.
Wait. My little brain was just hit
by a lightning bolt of an idea
that's so crazy, it just might work.
Remy's back!
I brought my Bintendo
Twist Plus like you asked!
Unnatural.
So what's all that junk?
Well, it's four headsets
and some controller extensions.
It's video game stuff!
We're gonna save Dad
by confronting him in the game space!
Remy'll walk us through it.
Nah, got it.
[crowing]
[BILL] Whew! What a beautiful mornin'!
-[chime]
-Oh!
What in the world?
Dad, it's us!
The Greens are coming at you in 3D!
Papa, we've come to pry you loose
from this polygon prison!
Hi, Mr. Green!
No! This is the Dad Zone!
How'd you get in here?
[GRAMMA]
Because we're masters of technology!
Ma?
Brace yourself, because here I come!
Any second now!
-You okay, Gramma?
-Shut up!
Well, when I don't know
what I'm doing with a game,
I just push buttons
until something happens.
Who's talkin'?
None of you are driving on the paths!
You're gonna ruin the grass!
[CRICKET] I don't care,
'cause the grass isn't real!
This is all make-'em-ups!
Dad, you have to come back to real life!
The real farm needs you!
Nah! See, I was wrong before
when I told you not to live
in a fantasy world.
This is better than real life!
You were right, Cricket!
Wow. Hearing you say that
is one of the most satisfying things
I've ever heard in my life,
but you gotta quit this game
and come out of your room. Right, Tilly?
Uh, yeah. Whatever Cricket said.
Sorry, I just gotta figure out
how to pet this baby lamb.
Fair enough. All right, Dad.
If you don't log off
and come back to real life,
we'll be forced to destroy your fake farm
with these here fake tractors.
Yeah! Get ready to get trashed!
Whoa, whoa, okay, let's give him
a chance to log off.
Sorry, you know I love to go sick online.
So, Dad, what'll it be?
Sorry, Cricket,
but I'm stayin' right here.
And if you and the others
want to get in the way
of my perfect farm,
well, I'll have no choice
but to defend my agricultural assets.
So be it.
[GRAMMA] Aaaaaah!
Here comes Gramma!
Yaah!
Hey! That's my corn silo!
That's first blood, Mr. Green!
-Game on!
-Whoa!
Hey! My Jam Shack!
Oh ho ho! You've really done it now!
Okay, little lamb, get ready for pettin'.
-[bumping]
-Hmm
Hey, Remy, which button do
I press to the pet a baby lamb?
Uh, I don't think you can
pet the animals in this game.
Oh, I'm sure there's a way.
Time to button mash.
[bumping noise]
[Remy] Excuse me, Tilly.
[horn blares, tires screech]
Hey, Mrs. Green, how's it going?
[GRAMMA] Don't patronize me!
This world is broken!
[CRICKET] Holy cow, Remy!
You're a wrecking ball!
As for me, I'm gonna
take out that windmill.
Yeah, that's a juicy lookin' peach.
[BILL] No!
Cricket! Back down now!
I have you out-horsepowered!
Yaaah!
Ha ha, I finally broke the tractor!
Ha! Do you know what you've done?
You breached my chicken barn!
Ha ha! You fool! You absolute non-farmer!
Mr. Green, how many chickens
do you actually ha--
Aaaahhh!
[chickens squawking]
[TILLY] I want to
touch a critter!
[announcer] Secret mode unlocked!
Button mash.
[announcer] You are the "Wizard of Wind!"
Uhh Heh heh, okay,
this is very pleasant.
Oh! Yes, little chickens.
You're welcome as well.
All are welcome!
[squawking]
Nice try, son.
But you'll never destroy my farm!
It's too strong, too great,
-too many chickens!
-[squawk]
Dang it, he's right!
There's gotta be a way, uh
-[low rumbling]
-Uh what is that?
Uh
Tilly tornado!
[BILL] Whoa!
Yeah! Take me, sky demon!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[shouting]
-Oof!
-Unh!
Nice work, Tilly!
Dad's fake farm is totally destroyed,
but where's Gramma?
[GRAMMA] Dang it!
-[crash]
-Rage quit!
All right, Dad, now you can rejoin us
in a world where we can
actually move our fingers!
Whaddya say?
[CRICKET] Dad?
-Hey, Dad!
-Welcome back, Billy Boy!
We missed you, Papa.
Yep. Back to the real world.
[sighs sadly]
There! He did it again!
He's been sitting there
sad-sighing for over an hour!
I don't get it.
Even though Dad's not playing the game,
he still ain't back to his old self.
You better find out what's wrong.
Go fix your dad!
[CRICKET] Hey, big guy.
Oh [clears throat] Hey, son.
Dad, why did you like that game so much?
Well the game made me feel
like I was achieving something.
Back in the country, I had the space
to grow and be successful.
But I lost that farm, and
I've been running in place ever since.
There's just no room for me to "level up."
[rooster crows]
[CRICKET] Dad! Dad! Dad!
-Dad!
-Cricket.
C'mon outside.
I've got something to show you!
Wait, lemme change first!
I hope you're not taking me
anywhere public.
Where in the wonderful world
are you taking me?
Congrats, Dad!
Your farm has grown in size!
Ms. Cho said we could use the roof
as long as we give Big Coffee
a bit of the proceeds
from these planter beds.
Well, Billy-boy, you gonna stand there,
or ya gonna say something?
Yes! Ha ha ha ha! This is incredible!
Oh, you put little rulers on the side
so I can measure stem heights!
And look at this trellis!
I can grow new types of tomatoes!
Come here, family!
This is just perfect.
From here on out,
I'm committing to
the only farm that matters!
That's great, Papa!
You have unlocked a new achievement!
The farm has officially leveled up.
Oh, sweetie, this is incredible.
But could you
Make a video game sound effect
as I hand it to you?
Of course.
[imitates chime sound]
Ah, yeah. That's the stuff.
[CRICKET] Hah! Ah-yatatata!
Argh! [growling] Ptew!
And that's how you play can-punch!
Seems easy enough. Hup!
How's it going out here?
Aah!
Oooh! Gotta keep your eyes
on the cans, Remy.
Now come on in, it's time for dinner!
Puh! Okay, Mr. Green!
Yah yah!
[BILL] You too, Cricket!
Huh?
Cricket, inside.
-[whimpering]
-C'mon, boy. C'mon!
Okay, get in here.
Cricket, it's time to--
What? Hey! Come here!
Lemme down! Lemme down!
I don't wanna!
And you can't make me!
[hisses]
Criminy, boy, I haven't seen you
act this way since you had--
[gasp] the itch.
The itch? What's that?
You see, Remy,
every year, Cricket gets this wild urge.
I can't say I fully understand it,
but one thing usually does the trick.
Camping.
[echoing] Camping
[BILL] Back in the country,
I'd take Cricket out
deep in the woods,
far from the eyes of decent folks.
[growling]
[BILL] Once released,
Cricket was unleashed,
free to follow his animalistic instincts.
Ha ha! Yeah!
And to do things
Ahh
that would churn the stomachs
of civilized people.
A yearly commune with nature
is the only thing
that can cure the wildness in that boy.
[Cricket sighs]
Dad, that's it! You gotta take me camping!
Please please please!
Please, Dad! [laughing]
Oooh, camping!
I don't really get it,
but if Cricket likes it,
I'm sure I will, too!
Well, that settles it then.
Tonight, boys, we camp!
-Woohoo!
-Woohoo!
Got my good beans.
Now I'm ready for campin'!
I'm so excited!
You kids ready?
Yeah! Race you to the truck, Remy!
Oh, we don't need to take the truck.
'Cause the campsite is right here!
[bleating]
Are you serious?
We're camping in our dumpy backyard?
Why ain't we going
somewhere more nature-y?
Well, backyard camping is fun, too.
Listen. You can still hear
the harmony of nature.
-[glass shatters]
-[cat screeches]
[man] Time for some night-yelling!
Aaahh! Aaahh!
Well, I can't say I love it,
but I'll give it a shot.
Well, that's the spirit!
At least we can get
a good ol' campfire going!
Whoa whoa, hey, now!
We don't want the fire department
called on us!
Are you kidding?
It's not camping without a campfire!
That's why I brought a safe
and respectful alternative.
Ta-da!
Oooh!
Grr!
Why are you neutering our camping trip?
Aw, come on, son. It's just as good!
We're still out in nature,
but we gotta be mindful.
Because there are people all around us.
Watching us.
Judging us.
But I don't care what people think!
Shh! Quiet down!
Use your inside voice.
But we're outside!
I can't control it anymore!
[grunting]
Aaawoooo!
Easy now, Cricket!
Oof! Cricket!
Wait! Come back!
Oh, geez!
Okay, I know I'm new to camping,
but this is fun!
Oh, no, this is bad.
We gotta get Cricket back
before he wreaks havoc on the city!
-But how are we gonna find him?
-[metal clangs]
You won't.
Unless you've got my help.
Ma, why are you up in that tree?
'Cause it's more dramatic!
Luckily for you,
man-hunting is my specialty.
All right, Ma, name your price.
I want the living room TV
to myself on Tuesday nights.
That's when my show is on.
Well, you could just stream it.
Shh! Fine. You got yourself a deal.
Hup! I'll bring the target back
dead or alive.
No, Ma, definitely alive.
This is your grandson, remember?
Right, right.
Let's go take him alive, boys!
Camping!
-[BILL] Come on!
-[GRAMMA] Ha Ha! Whoo!
Phew! You have fun today, Tilly-girl?
Oh, yes, Mama.
I never knew fire could spread so quickly.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Don't tell your dad about that.
Huh. Locked?
They must've gone
to the store or something.
C'mon, let's try the back door.
I'm sure they'll be back soon.
I'll just wait with ya.
Looks like they were having
a backyard camping trip.
Cricket even brought out his good beans.
Hey, Mama! Have you ever eaten
a s'more, "Tilly-style"?
Can't say that I have!
You take a couple crackers,
a Tilly helping of marshmallows,
and then Ta-da!
That looks almost as good
as my "Nancy-style."
[chomping]
[both laughing]
[speaking with mouth stuffed]
You know it’d be a shame
to let all this gear go to waste
Let's keep the camp fun going
WOO HOO!
[Cricket growling]
Aah!
Need fresh air
Nature Gotta be free!
Ahh!
Ooh!
Shiny!
Big shiny!
That's not normal.
Now, that boy's got the right idea!
No gods or kings, only moon!
Mmmmm Hm?
[licking air]
Muh-mah-- Muh-mah--
Meat!
[flirtatious giggling]
-Meat!
-[both scream]
[growling]
Who is that dreadful boy?
Me Cricket Green!
Son of Bill Green!
Oh, he doesn't need to advertise it!
If we don't catch Cricket soon,
the whole city will think we're nuts!
We need to surround him,
leave no room for escape!
We must strike fast
and without hesitation!
[growling]
Huh?
Ptew!
Yaah! Dang it! Don't let him through!
-[grunting]
-Cricket, stop!
You're coming with us, son!
Aaaghhh!
What a horrid little beast!
Was he raised in a barn?
Well, technically, yes,
but he's not usually like this.
-You see
-Uh, Mr. Green?
Mr. Green?
Uh Cricket? It's me, Remy.
Your best and least-tasty friend?
Raaaaaaaaah!
[swooning]
So you see, with his country upbringing--
Huh? W-wait, Cricket!
-Get back here!
-[grunting]
Clever boy.
Wish his father was more clever!
How'd you let him slip through?
I was just trying to do
some damage control!
But when they opened the closet
there was nothing but a head!
Ha! Pretty scary, huh?
Yeah, a little bit.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, man, the look
on your face, Tilly-girl!
Why don't you take a crack at it?
Oh, no, I'm not too fond
of spooking others.
Oh, c'mon, I'm not and easy scare, hon.
Well, if you insist.
[clears throat]
Imagine, if you will
waking up alone in an empty room
with only one door.
You open that door to an identical room,
but smaller.
Every door you open leads
to an even smaller room.
Your curiosity compels you to keep going.
Door after door,
the walls keep coming closer and closer.
Until finally, you can barely move.
[frightened breathing]
And try as you might,
you still can't resist
going into the next room.
O-kay! That's enough scary stories!
Oof! C'mon, Tilly, this tent's feeling
a little cramped.
I like it.
Ohh, where am I?
Oh, no!
Cricket dragged me out
into the middle of nowhere!
[pop music playing]
Am I in a nest?
Oh, Cricket! What's going on?
What are you-- Hey, wait, where you going?
[wild chanting]
Cricket, why did you bring me here?
To free you.
You join me wild.
Chew stick! Roam free.
Oh, I don't know. I'm a good boy!
With a bedtime.
Be wild. Be free.
Like this?
Yes! Now roar. To moon!
R-roar?
More loud!
Rraarr!
Oh! That felt good!
Really good!
Remy feel wild?
Yes, I do!
-Awoooooo!
-Awoooooo!
[both chanting]
Oh, great, he's converted
his little friend.
Oh, why do they have
to be making such a racket?
-[chanting]
-Hmm?
Reeee! Reeee!
Looks like the jig is up.
Huh! Come quietly,
or Gramma's gonna have
to use her big guns!
Yaaah!
[both] Lolololololo!
Bill, grab Cricket!
[hissing]
C'mon, boys, let's just go home!
Wild good! Free boy!
-Unh! Unh!
- [GRAMMA] Gotcha!
No one gets away from me!
Let's get you back in your fancy pants.
Hiyaah! Yaah!
Wild boys! Wild boys!
Where are they? I'll get 'em!
-[raspberry] Lololololo!
-Let me at 'em!
H-hey, wait!
Well, toot my scoot.
-Ow ow awooo!
-Awooooooooo!
[grunts]
But soft! What light
through yonder window breaks?
It is the east. And Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun--
-Aaah!
-Aaah!
Oh, Terry, we didn't practice for this!
I said I don't do improv!
-[growling]
-Aaaah!
[angry shouting]
Stand back, Billy-boy! I got this.
No, Ma, I got this.
[both shouting]
That's it! Kids, enough is enough!
Society has rules for a reason!
Unh! Hey!
You will never stop wild boys!
[CRICKET AND REMY]
Wild boys forever! Wild boys forever!
No more!
No! You not understand!
Of course I understand!
Do you think I like caring
what people think of me?
I want to go wild, too!
You do? Then why not do?
For once in life,
do what make Bill happy.
"Do what make Bill happy"?
Do what make Bill happy.
What's going on?
He's not really gonna
Get ready, Big City!
'Cause Wild Bill is lettin' loose!
Ahh hoo hoo!
Woohoohoo!
Yeah!
-Woohoohoo!
-[screaming]
You, sir, have made a mockery
of community theater!
Heh! Heh heh heh!
It appears the prey has won tonight.
But I'm still getting the TV
Tuesday nights!
Shakespeare must be
rolling in his grave, Terry!
Huh. Can't really see
the stars in the city.
Wait, there's one!
Oh, it's just a helicopter.
A man-made star that hunts for the wicked.
Hey, it's starting to get real late.
Where is everyone?
Wait, do you hear that?
[wild chanting]
Whoo-whee!
Well, look who's finally moseyed on home!
Yep! But the night ain't over yet!
-Woo-hoo!
-Yeah!
-Aawooooo!
-Aawooooo!
Aawooooo!
[wild chanting]
Heh heh! Yup.
That's my wild family.
I've got sweat in my eyes ♪
Lost a bet and got bit by 100 flies ♪
I fell out a big ol' tree ♪
Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪
I got chased by a dog ♪
Licked by a frog ♪
Got a rash on my legs ♪
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
I got splinters in seven and ten ♪
And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪