Boston Legal s02e09 Episode Script

Previously on Boston legal Look, judge, I can't defend a man who raped and murdered a 13-year-old girl.
I got AIDS, Denny Crane.
She could've had a lot of suffering ahead, because I really went to town.
She's probably lucky I ended it quick.
On the other hand What? You're entitled as a criminal defense attorney to shoot someone? No, no, no.
It's self, self-defense.
Come on.
Night terrors? How would you feel about sleeping with me? It's just to make sure I don't leap off the 14th floor.
You'll do anything to get me into bed.
Denny Crane.
Denny Crane.
Denny Crane.
Hey! Hey! What the hell do you Get up, Denny, we're going to the bathroom.
Untie the knot.
It takes too long.
Let's just get up! I'm not getting up! It'll take two seconds! It's the middle of the night! Just get up.
I'm not gonna get up.
Damn it! Happy? This isn't working for me.
I was thinking if I develop some kind of a rip cord, I could free myself with one little tug and you, therefore, wouldn't be inconvenienced by my nocturnal bladder.
I've been sleeping with you a week.
I haven't noticed one night terror.
That's because I feel so comforted nestled in the safety of your bosom.
Change, please? That's what this is all about, isn't it? My breasts.
You're lactating, admit it.
Hey! Now if you don't wanna give me no change, that's fine.
But how about the courtesy of a response? You want a response? Denny, what the hell do you Relax.
Paintball.
Denny Crane.
You don't have to do this.
You've been telling me for three days that I don't have to do this.
It's just that It's your birthday present.
I want to.
A bedroom set is more than a birthday present.
Okay, could we just stop arguing about this? Can I get a toy? No, Tito, we're not here for toys.
May I help you? Uh, yeah, we're looking for bedroom furniture.
- Second floor.
- Thank you.
You know, Denise, what I'd really like is a picture frame.
This is beautiful.
We came here to buy a bed.
We came here to buy a dresser.
We came here to buy lamps.
We are not leaving here with just a picture frame.
Even though this is really beautiful.
Can I buy you the picture frame? You have a really hard time accepting gifts, don't you? A gift like a whole bedroom? Yes.
All right, second floor, lady.
Let's do it.
Tito? Tito? Where is he? Have you seen my son? He's gotta be here.
He was here just a minute ago.
Tito? Tito? Hey, I'm looking for a little boy, 4 years old.
He's wearing red and gray jacket and jeans.
Tito? Anyone? Tito! Are you sure that's him? Positive.
His name is Tito.
Please, god.
Please, god.
- Did you get a plate number? - Partial.
He has my son.
He has my son.
- Can I talk to you a second? - Yeah.
The FBI will be assuming jurisdiction.
Which means what? You're off? We're not off.
This woman is My housekeeper.
Denise, look, we know who took the boy.
- You do? - His name is Joe Martini.
We don't know where he is but, the good news is we at least know who we're dealing with.
The bad news is he kidnapped a The child turned up deceased.
Mr.
Martini's a pedophile.
Does he have an address? He drifts.
Occasionally visits his brother.
We've already sent some uniforms to question.
Why isn't this man in prison if you know who he is? He was arrested.
But we couldn't make the case.
Denny Crane? Denny Crane.
- You shot me.
- I did.
- You the big lawyer? - I am.
What's going on? I could take you to court for assault, man.
- Sue me.
- But I'm willing to settle.
Give me $100,000.
Seems a little high.
How about zip? Does zip work for you? I may be homeless, but I ain't stupid.
My mistake.
I'll be back.
Denny, I could be wrong, but you might want to think about settling this.
You're absolutely right.
You could be wrong.
Brad, the guy is a pedophile.
The first 48 hours, if we don't What are the police saying? They know who he is.
They don't know where he is.
Apparently, the FBI is all over it but this is an hispanic kid.
It's not like the news is gonna make a big deal of it.
I hear that you have friends in the FBI.
I do.
Can you help? Please? The first 48 hours We think the brother knows where he is.
- But? - He's not talking.
Can't you charge him with conspiracy? Aiding and abetting? His only crime is being fraternally related to the kidnapper.
We can't exactly, uh - What about harboring a fugitive No evidence that the suspect was there after the crime.
So what you're saying is you're nowhere.
Look, uh, we're on this.
So is the Boston P.
D.
But, uh take a walk? - You can talk in front of me.
- She's good.
Anything the FBI or the police do, it's state action.
We have limitations.
What a private citizen does, however, no poisonous fruit issues, no civil rights concerns.
A child is missing.
If you could be a little less cryptic.
A lot of kids who live in cults, for example, their parents hire P.
I.
's to basically kidnap them.
Technically, it's a crime.
Are these parents ever prosecuted? No.
Brad, you yourself hired some P.
I.
's to do an intervention.
Legally, that was false imprisonment.
Did we prosecute? No.
- Is he being less cryptic? - Self-help.
That brother knows something.
I know he knows something.
If we weren't under such scrutiny, we'd grab him ourselves and, uh, encourage him a little.
I never saw you take that badge out of my desk drawer.
- Never saw you take that one.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Are you suggesting that we impersonate FBI officials? I would never suggest that.
He's back? In the conference room with a lawyer.
You, kid.
- Yes, sir? - Fix my tie.
Get in the conference room.
Sit there quietly.
Pretend you know something.
- You, you know my name? - Yes, sir.
Maybe one day I'll know yours.
In the conference room with goober.
No talking.
Denny, why don't I join you? Why not? A show of force.
Oh, Paul, Shirley, join me in the conference room for a second, would you? It won't take long.
- What's going on? - Please.
Who the hell are you? Uh, my name is Warren Peters, sir.
And I represent my client Randall Kirk.
You work for a firm, Warren? Well, actually, I'm a solo practitioner.
Gee.
As you can see, I'm not.
I work for a firm, one of the largest in Boston.
Dripping with talent.
This is Paul Lewiston.
Right here beside him, Shirley Schmidt.
Heard of them? Yes.
What's my name? Denny Crane.
I realize you're a powerful man, sir.
But that does not give you the right to shoot homeless people.
You, you shot this man? A paintball.
It happens.
Did you client tell you that he first hit me on the head with a rock? Well, he tossed a stone in your direction which inadvertently struck you.
Well, obviously, I'm not gonna pay, son.
So you can spend the next three years of your life in discovery trying to push this case to court, at which point I'll call the clerk and have it assigned to a friend of mine.
I'm friends with lots of judges.
Or you can cut your losses now.
You might want to think about this.
No other lawyer would take the case.
The reason they wouldn't take it it's because it's a money loser.
It's what we call a dog.
You like dog cases, kid? I'm not intimidated.
Of course you are.
Here's what you need to know about the practice of law, son.
It all comes down to money.
I've got it.
He doesn't.
I'll win.
Denny Crane.
Why aren't they doing anything? They are, Helena, it just They could set up roadblocks.
Somebody's gotta do something.
The police are all over this.
It's just They don't know where this man is.
I'm not risking arrest.
The FBI's told me that won't happen.
What about the police? As long as you don't cause any physical injuries, we're okay.
- Will this man be armed? - We expect not.
He has no record, no history of violence.
But be ready just the same.
Now, hopefully, he'll talk.
But if not, we got a room in the basement, looks like an FBI Interrogation cell.
We blindfold him.
We take him there.
Brad, you're not gonna go all "Mannix" on us, are you? I never did that.
I'll meet you downstairs.
Let's go.
What did he mean, "go all Mannix"? When I was a kid, my role model was sort of Mannix.
The famous private detective? He was a television character.
- I'll let you know how we do.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
There's no reason for both of us to risk our careers There is no way I'm letting you do this alone.
I have some experience - You are also up for full partnership - As are you.
- And I'm willing to take the risk.
Why are we wasting our time? There's a child missing.
Garrett? I need you.
To do research.
Okay.
If a person breaks the law or takes the law into his or her hands in order to save someone, say, a kidnapped child, what is the exposure, either civil or criminal? I need the answer ten minutes ago.
Got it.
Go.
My lawyer dropped me.
- Bugger.
- If you think you won I do.
- I'll find another one.
- No, you won't.
Nobody's gonna make any money suing Denny Crane with a client who initiated the conflict by throwing a rock.
But, hey, if you can find another shark like the last one, you know where to find me.
Only don't come in personally, okay, sport? I'll file a complaint for stalking.
Mr.
Kirk? - I'll represent you.
- Is this a joke? - Of course it is.
- No, it isn't.
I'll be your lawyer.
I'm confused.
You're right, Denny, no other lawyer would take his case.
So it's going to be me.
Shock and awe, boys, shock and awe.
Are we confident that he's gonna be here? He works nights.
He's home.
FBI, ma'am, we're looking for Dominic Martini.
You're under arrest for aiding and abetting a felony, conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
Tell us where your brother is! Shut up! Anybody here speak Spanish? I think it's Russian.
It's Italian.
- Let's take him! - No! Have you both lost your minds? Impersonating FBI officers? - With the bureau's consent.
- Officially? No, but You've gotta be kidding.
- We're not gonna do anything crazy - You already have.
- Shirley We are lawyers.
We sue people.
Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages.
We do not abduct.
Denny shoots people.
I would never have expected this.
Not even from Alan Shore.
Shirley, I know this little boy.
He was taken partly on my watch.
I have to do whatever I can do.
I don't care about the risk.
The firm will have nothing to do with this whatsoever.
Understood.
From now on, I don't even want to know about it.
You two are coming up for partner.
There are two things that you should constantly be aware of.
Your actions reflect on Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
What's the other thing? You're Schmidt.
Let me do the talking.
- All of it.
- Why? Because you're Mannix? Denise Garrett, what's the answer to my questions? The short one? Basically, if compliance with the law will result in a greater harm than breaking the law, the defense of necessity justifies breaking the law.
I could kiss you.
- But I won't.
- Let's go.
It's not only about being against you.
I'm doing this to help him.
First of all, you're a lawyer here.
- Well, if he waves the conflict.
.
And secondly, you're a witness.
Denny, look - We're friends.
- Yes, we are.
And we're sleeping together! I'm guarding you against night terrors, and this is the payback I get? Look, I / No! I'm not gonna look.
Denny - Get out.
- Why are you being such a bully? Your insurance company will undoubtedly pay.
That's not the point.
You shot the man with a gun between the eyes.
You could've blinded him.
You perhaps could've killed him.
He deserves to be compensated.
Well, he's not gonna be.
You wanna take me to court? - I certainly don't want to go to court Denny, I looked at that man, an indigent, sitting across from a roomful of us.
Shirley, Paul, you, me the rich.
You know, we've got this country living below the poverty line? American population.
They don't get education.
They don't get health insurance.
For god's sake, they don't even get rescued when they're dying.
I just, I feel compelled to help him.
You must understand that.
Helpg the poor? Yes.
Helping him get me? No.
You're in a lot of trouble, my friend.
I spoke to your employer.
He informed me you speak English.
So I'll regard these protests in a foreign language as your first attempt to deceive the federal government.
I have rights.
A 4-year-old child is missing.
Your brother has him.
I'd say that adds up to a bad day for your constitutional rights.
I don't know anything about Bad answer.
You are gonna help me get this child back or arms are gonna get broken, ligaments severed, electrical devices might even get attached to testicles.
And I don't mean mine! You know how I'm gonna get away with all this, Dominic? Because a I don't know where my brother is.
Think harder.
I swear I don't know where he is.
Who does? I don't know! Now that response didn't seem very considered, Dominic.
That's disappointing.
Get out, Denise.
- Brad, I, uh - Get out, please.
Now.
Your time's up, Mr.
Martini.
- He sees a priest! - Excuse me? I know he goes to this priest.
Maybe he knows something.
What's the name of this priest? Father Michael Ryan.
St.
Joseph's, north end.
He can't break the confessional seal.
He's a priest.
What about searching his office? Sometimes they keep records of confessions.
No judge anywhere will give us that warrant.
What? What are you trying to not say now? Well, if you guys are willing to keep going, back in our more aggressive days, we were known to use a phony warrant now and then.
We, of course, don't now.
How the two of you manage to get one, I'll never know.
I don't know.
We've gone this far.
Really? Really? Let's go.
Whatever.
It's made the news.
It's out there that a senior partner of Crane, Poole & Schmidt assaulted a homeless man.
- You have nothing to say? - You heard what I said.
Whatever.
That's it? That's your response? You want a response? Watch it, like everybody else.
What do you mean, watch it like everyone else? I'm going back on "Larry King" tonight.
What? You saw me the last time.
I popped.
First of all, the last time, you at least victimized a despicable person.
This time Paul, the people want to hear from me.
Denny, this could be a disa TiVo me.
- We bark, Brad.
No biting.
- Got it.
Let's keep this under control.
- May I help you? - Good morning, sister.
I'm special agent Robb of the FBI.
This is special agent Beadle.
How are you today? The FBI.
Has already been here.
Well, we're back.
Where's Father Ryan? I'm Father Ryan, and I've said about all I'm gonna say on this matter.
Please, Father, a little boy's life is at stake.
As I explained to your other agents, if I had communications, they would have occurred inside the confessional, and I would unfortunely be prohibited by canon law from revealing the content of such communications.
Without revealing any specific exchanges, Father, could you tell us if you've been in receipt of any information pertaining to this abduction? I'm afraid I cannot.
We have a warrant, Father, authorizing us to search your office premises.
- Is this your office? - You can't be serious.
Is this your office, Father? Any records would also be sealed, subject to canon law.
That you'd have to argue before a district court judge.
I can tell you that we are not subject to canon law, and we are authorized to conduct a search.
You will make no such search.
- We have a warrant, Father.
- I don't care.
I have documents pertaining to privileged relationships with parishioners.
You're not going in there.
Please step aside, father.
We have a warrant authorizing us to search, and please do not make us arrest you for obstruction of justice.
We need to search your office, Father, and we need to do it now, please.
One second.
What are you doing? That door's worth a fortune.
It was imported from Italy.
Threaten to break it down.
Please step aside, Father.
Are you out of your minds? I will give you to the count of three.
If you do not unlock it I'm calling the police.
One.
Brad.
You can't come crashing in here.
Two.
Brad! You wouldn't dare.
Three.
Okay! The axe was already in motion.
The priest just stuck his hand in there.
How many fingers? Three.
We recovered two.
The cat ran off with the third.
It was an accident.
I just wanted to make him think that I was about to destroy the door.
- It was my idea.
- He just stuck his hand out.
We're not being arrested, if that's what your concern is.
Well, that's one of my concerns.
That priest is going to be suing you and the firm for a number with a lot of zeroes in it.
Surely that's occurred to you.
We might have caught a break there.
In the priest's office What's this? Papal blessings.
Excuse me? The diocese sells papal blessings, complete with the pope's signature to the tune of 30 bucks a pop.
These are counterfeit.
The priest's got a printing press and a stack of these back there.
He's bootlegging papal blessings to the tune of about six figures a year.
We've got a rogue priest here.
Denise, Brad, a second? We found the third finger.
I've got it here on ice.
Evidently, if we get it over to the hospital, they can still reattach it.
I know it's a big favor to ask, but uh would you deliver it? Excuse me? We've been kind of busy.
By the way it would be wrong for you to stop by the priest's hospital room and use the finger to try to extort information out of him.
The FBI could never do that, and I would never ask the two of you to do it, even though the priest likely knows something that could help us.
I can't look at it.
Okay, it was just a thought that I never shared.
Give me the finger.
It stays viable on ice for 18 hours max.
Again, I wouldn't want you to do anything inappropriate.
Give me the finger.
This is the general release.
You'll need to sign there and initial there.
Okay.
And initial here next to the confidentiality clause.
Okay.
And that should do it.
Here's the best part, your check.
Oh, my god.
$75,000.
Man, I ain't never seen this much money at once.
Mr.
Kirk, I won't be so arrogant as to give you a life lecture, but however you came into your dire straits, I hope you use this money productively.
Oh, don't you worry about that.
Don't you worry.
Whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on.
This check came from you.
It's an accounting thing.
But it's a personal check from you.
Why? It's really of no concern.
I want to know why.
You deserve that settlement.
I'm fortunate enough to be able to part with it.
The truth is, I can afford to value other things more than money.
One such item being my friendship with Denny Crane.
Why'd you represent me if you knew I suppose I thought I could prioritize principle over that friendship, but the reality is, I can't.
Which means you either accept this check from me, or you get yourself another lawyer.
Well Well, what? You were trying to settle Denny's case.
Well? It's under control.
And Denny, how do we get him under control? Yours? I'll settle for anybody's.
Alan, the wagons are beginning to circle.
He shoots a client in the knee.
He celebrates it on the "Larry King" show before a live audience.
He then shoots a homeless man with a paintball gun and plans to reprise his role on "Larry King.
" What? Yes.
He's been invited back.
And why wouldn't he be? He got a seven share.
But the point is, this firm isn't just Shirley and me.
The other partners are getting fed up.
One more embarrassment, god knows what he'll say next.
I'll take it.
Why are you shooting Jane Fonda? Because I can't shoot you.
You're my friend.
And friends don't hurt each other.
Denny Jane and I used to you know.
You and Jane Fonda? Lest we forget "Barbarella"? Then she turned on me, went red.
They caught her in one of those communist bitch hunts.
I think you mean witch hunts.
No.
I'm right on this one.
Take that, Hanoi Jane! Why are you going on "Larry King"? Because the American public wants to hear from me.
No.
They want to be entertained by shock and drivel.
That's why that show is so happy to exploit you.
There's only so much embarrassment the partners at this firm will stand for, Denny.
What are they gonna do, get rid of me? I'm the star of the show.
Even so, don't go on that program.
Since when do you care whether this firm is embarrassed or not? I don't.
I care about you.
You've been a gigantic ass about all this.
And if you're determined to be absurd, at least have the common sense, if not the decency, to keep it to yourself.
Contrary to what you and the rest of the world think, I know exactly what I'm doing.
Indeed.
I'm sorry, no visitors.
Just FBI.
Out.
First of all, I'd like to say that, uh I'm glad to see you're doing okay.
And secondly, I deeply apologize Why don't you save your apologies for the trial? Father Ryan we've discovered the counterfeit papal blessings and the printing press in your office.
Your days as a priest are over should this become public.
Joe Martini previously kidnapped and killed a 5-year-old child.
We know that this man regularly comes to you to seek absolution.
He probably confessed his prior crime to you.
Now he's taken another child.
Maybe you know.
Maybe you don't.
But this kid this kid could still be alive.
I don't care about the confessional seal or canon law.
I want this boy.
And if you care at all about this child or your future as a priest, you will help us.
Screw you.
I know the clergy likes to speak hypothetically.
So if there was a child out there in a kidnapper's hands and something were to come into your possession that didn't rightly belong to you, but you could use it to help save the child Would you use it? There's a 3-room house in Revere beach.
Tiny.
He keeps it under an alias, Miguel Rivera.
That's all I know, I swear.
Now give me back my finger.
Jump squad's on its way.
- Ask them if I can suit up.
- You cannot suit up.
I have paramilitary training, Denise.
Are you kidding? The liability alone.
You've done enough as Mannix.
Yeah, I'm still here.
Okay.
We'd better get there before them.
They told us to wait.
Don't even think about it.
Gracie Jane.
- Denny Crane.
- Gracie Jane.
Are you making fun of me? No, sugar, I'm guest-hosting the show tonight.
Oh.
Where's Larry? He's out sick.
But I came to talk to Larry.
Don't worry.
I'll be gentle.
Find me a glass.
So you're a hijacker.
No.
I shot the man in the forehead with a paintball gun.
And the week before that, an indigent in the knees.
A child rapist scum.
Is that your excuse, hijacker? Would you stop calling me that? Where's Larry? I call you that because it is high-priced attorneys like you who are hijacking our legal system.
You can read it in my book "Hijacked.
" Can we talk about the issues? Sure, hijacker.
It's people like you who are ruining our country.
I'm not ruining the country! Poor people are ruining the country.
You sit there in your $2,000 suit blaming poor people? Our father, who art in heaven Answer the question.
The poor people have plunged this country into debt, so much so that there are liberals in Washington who want to take away my tax cuts, your tax cuts.
We've worked hard for those tax cuts.
And we're supposed to give them up for what? For, uh, medicaid? Education? Teach them how to read? Hell, if they could read, they wouldn't be poor.
If Larry were here, he'd get this.
But you take Katrina.
The poor people have cost this country billions and billions! - In what way? - Well, the rich got out.
The damn poor just hung around.
For what? To watch.
Now we have to pay for it.
Maybe they couldn't get out.
Maybe they thought that the federal government might rescue them, or failing that, give a damn.
How stupid is that? Now what I committed here was an act of civil disobedience.
I shot the guy in the head as a wake-up call.
We have got to motivate the lazy slobs in this country to get off their fat, lazy asses and go to work! Let's get America back on track.
FBI! Who's Gracie Jane? - I don't want to talk about it Everybody thought I was being facetious.
They thought it was inspired satire.
Just can't win.
- They got the child back.
- So I heard.
Good day.
Yes.
As for our case, I made it go away.
You're completely off the hook.
That was your plan the whole time.
Get in good with him, talk him out of it.
The old Trojan horse.
- What did you tell him? - None of your business.
I wish you had let me in on the game.
I can act, you know.
I won an Emmy.
Just the same.
What's this? A check for $75,000.
It's for you, not for him.
I pay my own way.
- How did you know? - Here's a little secret.
I know things.
Don't tell.
That secret seems unbelievably safe.
Denny, when we were coming out of the subway station the other day and Randall asked us for change, did you hear him or even notice he was there before he hit you in the head with a rock? - Did you? - No.
You like poor people, don't you? That comment you made about We don't even save them when they're dying.
You don't think we let people die in New Orleans because they were poor, do you? Don't be silly.
You do think that.
He threw a rock, Denny.
He'd had enough of being ignored and neglected.
He rose up and threw a rock at some rich guy.
You ever wonder what would happen if they all decided to rise up? Are we still talking about hurricanes? That hurricane was as much a social disaster as a natural one.
And the next hurricane to hit could very well be in the form of anarchy.
One week, it's clowns.
Next week, it's anarchy.
What do we do for fun? This.
Sleeping my place tonight? I haven't decided yet.
Let's see how the night goes.