DAVE (2020) s02e09 Episode Script
Enlightened Dave
1
♪
[GULL CALLING]
[WAVES CRASHING IN DISTANCE]
Is this the right place?
♪
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[INHALES]
[EXHALES]
[CRINKLING]
[WHISTLES, EXHALES]
[CRUNCHING]
Oh. Hello.
Hello.
Uh, I'm here to see Rick Rubin.
To work on my album.
I'm Benny Blanco's friend, Lil Dicky.
The rapper.
I'm Orhan, the painter.
Orhan the painter
That's got a ring to it.
That's better than my rap name.
Are you an artist or are you kind of
just in the physical space?
Yes.
Multilayered white.
That'd be a good album title for me.
When a new artist arrives, we repaint.
It is important
to create a pure environment,
free of distraction,
to allow the muse to speak.
I hear that. I need a muse, man.
[BRUSHING CONTINUES]
♪
Is that
Oh, wow. Is that him out there?
That's Rick.
I'm gonna go talk to Rick, okay?
Be right back.
♪
[GULLS CALLING]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
♪
[CRACKING]
Hey, Rick.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I'm just a huge fan,
and I'm so honored to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Excited to work.
I'm not Rick.
I'm Biff Wiff.
Oh.
Biff Wiff?
That's right.
Did you just take my picture?
Uh-huh.
I wear a watch that tells me
when somebody's taking my photograph.
[LAUGHS]
I'm just kidding you, man.
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh!
Wow. That really took my heart for a
So you're a musician, right?
- Yeah! I'm a rapper.
- Yeah.
Rapper? Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
You must be pretty good to be
out here working with Rick.
- I Yeah.
- Look,
if you ever need an actor
for a music video or whatever,
uh, Biff Wiff.
Oh. You're an actor?
Yeah. Look me up on IMDb.
I'm a real guy.
Lil Dicky.
We've been expecting you.
Welcome to Shangri-La.
- Hi!
- Hi.
Thanks, Biff. Good to meet you, man.
- You, too.
- Atoms.
Adams, I'm Dave. Nice to meet you.
- No. Atoms.
- Atoms.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
[GULL CALLING]
DAVE: And, you know, there'd be
a large group of us, and
the rabbi would say, "Tekiah!"
And you'd hear
[MIMICS SHOFAR BLOWING]
And he'd blow the ram's horn
I didn't mean your religious background,
just your general background.
Why are you here? What brought you here?
Oh. Uh, well, I don't know
what Benny has told you guys,
but I have been working
on my album for months
- and months and months, and
- Mm-hmm.
I'm having a lot of difficulty
- with any output whatsoever, and
- Mm.
You know, I'll be honest.
I'm, like, desperate.
Like, I have no idea
how to solve this problem.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, uh, I am at a true
- personal and creative low point.
- Mm.
Do you read?
I do. I Or I can.
I know how to.
[LAUGHING]
That's a great answer.
- Very good.
- Thank you. Uh
But, tell me, what-what
is Rick's process
So, Rick's process is your process.
And it's not the process that's
brought you to this place,
but, really, it's the process
that you'll find together.
You'll see. Rick has no real
skill beyond his intuition.
[EXHALES] Well, I think that's
just you being a little humble.
- The guy is a fucking legend.
- Mm-hmm.
"99 Problems." All the Kanye stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
- Chili Peppers. Beastie Boys.
It's, like, unbelievable,
what he's done.
Hey, is it true that Flea calls
himself Flea because of Rick?
'Cause I love Flea.
Rick has a way
of deconstructing the artist
to the truest sense of his self,
and it's my job
to get you ready for him.
- Huh.
- So, tell me, Dave,
where are we?
I have a feeling
you don't mean literally.
I do mean literally.
Well, we are
on the leftmost part of America.
I don't really have
the strongest inner compass,
if I'm being honest with you.
No, I mean where are we
in the creative process?
Where are you?
Oh, so you don't mean literally.
That's a thing
that I keep seeing people do
They-they say "literally"
and they actually mean
the exact opposite
- of "literally."
- Okay, tell me what you want.
Uh, so, I'm working on my debut album,
and it feels like I've been
doing that for my whole life,
'cause it's, like, my debut.
And, uh, you know,
I'm kind of, like, a rare situation,
where I occupy this hyperspecific niche
in the musical archival.
So I kind of have to, like,
inject comedic elements into it.
But I also feel like I'm as real
as it possibly can get.
Um, but I am a "dick and fart joke" man
at the end of the day,
no doubt about it.
My struggle is I kind of
always feel like I'm saying
way too much yet nothing at all
at the exact same time, and, uh
I don't know, man.
I feel like there's, like,
a deeper level of artistry
that I can tap into if I
You have a loathing
for where you come from
but a fear that it's all you have.
Yeah.
I'm gonna write that down
and tell Rick that.
- That's a graceful underpinning.
- That's Rick's diagnosis.
He knows a lot about you.
YouTube?
Dave?
Yeah?
- Wake up!
- Oh, my God!
I'm awake, man.
Well, I think we've made great progress.
I think tomorrow is the day.
I'll let Rick know.
Tomorrow? What do you mean?
We're not doing anything more today?
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[SIGHS]
Hello.
Je-sus!
Rick would like you to do an exercise
in advance of tomorrow's session.
Please write down
all your greatest fears
and bury the list somewhere
on the property.
Greatest fears?
Is this-is that serious?
- Mm-hmm.
- And do what to the list?
Just bury it anywhere?
Anywhere.
Well, how is this guy
gonna even know that I did it?
He won't.
Mm.
That's rich.
Hey. Before you go,
wh-what's the Wi-Fi password here?
Um, "Goinward," all one word.
Okay.
It's not working.
It's the full N-word?
"Inward."
I-N.
- "Inward"!
- Yeah.
'Cause I was gonna say,
that-that'd be so aggressive.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
[LINE RINGING]
Hey, Chuck. How's it going?
You make any smashes with Mr. Rubin yet?
I wish. I still haven't even
met this fucking guy.
This is the weirdest place ever.
[BREAKING UP]:
Chuck, that man's a genius.
Makes higher existence
- What?
- On the bottom of a pool with weight
- his body, written in Shar
- Chuck You have bad service.
- Please go to a fixer f
- goat breast milk.
[BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Fears.
My fears.
What are my biggest fears?
My parents dying.
What else? What else? Oh.
Accutane causing permanent dry eyes.
That would suck.
Not being able to play Willy
Wonka in a major motion picture.
No.
Failure.
[SIGHS]
♪
"Spiders"?
- "Flea"?
- [RUSTLING]
♪
Uh [GRUNTS]
I got to tell you, I woke up
totally ready to get to work
and record music I'm in a
great space for that right now.
Uh, I'm down to, like,
experiment vocally.
Uh, did-did my manager
reach out about a humidifier?
For my throat, because it can
get pretty scratchy.
- Mm-hmm.
- If it's not Oh, my God.
Wow.
Ah how should I, like, refer to him?
- What's he like to go by?
- As Biff.
- Biff Wiff.
- Oh.
What is this, like, a trick
or something? I don't
I have just the thing for your throat.
I'm not a trick.
I'm Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Homemade Kambo. By Lavar.
Uh, what is this?
What does that mean,
"homemade Kambo from Lavar"?
What does that mean?
- Who's Lavar?
- Just try it.
- This is good for my throat?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, Lavar!
It actually feels kind of like,
uh, queso from Qdoba.
- Mm.
- You guys ever go to Qdoba?
Does this have dairy in it, though?
Because if I have dairy,
I do get bloated
and then I can't record at all.
- So
- Oh, well, you're not recording today.
So that's okay.
What does that mean,
I'm not recording today?
That's the entire reason I'm here.
Of course I'm recording today.
You said today was the day.
Today is the day.
This is a floatation tank.
We'd like you to disrobe and submerge,
and this should get you
in the right headspace.
- Okay, where is Rick Rubin?
- Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean? Because
I feel like I came here to work
with him and all of this feels
like a borderline waste of time,
unless I'm making music, so
It would be a waste of time
if you were to record
before you were fully ready.
- A waste of Rick's time.
- DAVE: Okay,
what is-what is this thing?
What am I supposed to do in this thing?
Well, creativity
is best when the sense of "self"
falls away and reveals
- what is deeper.
- [SIGHS]
But some artists have an ego
that is making so much noise.
Demanding so much attention.
I should tell you guys right now
I am not at all into,
like, anything spiritual
or, like, "of the spirit"
adjacent landscape.
You might be barking up
the wrong tree with all this,
you know,
mumbular, jumbular type of shit.
Okay, well,
thank you for letting me know.
Sure.
But that is what the tank is for.
To destroy your ego.
- Well, I just
- Well,
your first instinct is to make jokes.
In your life.
In your work. Everywhere you go, no?
- Uh, yeah, okay
- Rick thinks
that you follow this instinct blindly.
- Blindly?
- What's past that
How can you know?
You can't stand more than
ten seconds of silence.
Oh, fuck it. I was trying to fart.
I know you think
that would've proven your point,
but I'm certain it would've
proven mine you both would've
been on the ground, like, belly
laughing, smacking the floor.
This is a crutch.
This is pain.
This is fear.
This is your ego
trying to protect itself.
- Huh.
- But great work
Thank you.
Great work requires something
- more vulnerable.
- Oh.
Isn't that why you came?
Rick thinks you're capable
of being one of the greatest
disruptors of your generation.
- Love that.
- But you need to quiet your ego
for that artistry to emerge.
Trust us.
Kanye West was the same way.
Kanye did this whole thing?
- Mm-hmm.
- Fuck it.
ADAMS: Thank you, Biff.
DAVE: All right.
- So just disrobe and
- Mm-hmm.
Can I piss in this thing?
We'd rather you didn't.
Oh
We'd like you to wear
these shorts, please.
- What?
- Can you please wear these shorts?
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Very well.
- Bonne chance.
- What?
- Bonne chance.
- All right, man.
I am Kanye West ♪
I am Kanye West ♪
I am Kanye Left.
- Music. Music, music.
- I am soaked.
Left, right. Is west always left?
I wonder if they changed
the water since Kanye.
- How, how, how, how?
- This is so boring.
Fuck this shit.
♪
Hello?
♪
What do you want?
♪
Here?
Rick?
Why?
- Can we just make music?
- [MOTOR HUMMING]
[GROANS]
Stop!
No! No!
[CAR THUDS]
[WHEEL SQUEAKING]
♪
Dave!
Dan?
Dan, what are you
What are you doing here?
Hey.
I'm
I'm so sorry
about everything.
I tried.
You tried what?
I tried eating it.
But thank God I had all those
ketchup packets, am I right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, my God!
I pissed myself.
You think that's funny, right?
You don't seem good.
Let me get you water. Hold on, wait.
DAN: Yeah! You like that!
[DAN CACKLING]
[FLIES BUZZING]
Oh!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- What the
- GATA: LD!
Down here. Come here, bro. Hurry up.
- Gata?
- Yeah, come on, LD.
Come on, hurry up!
Gata, what the fuck is this?
Bro, you're already behind. Come on, LD.
Where What-what
Bro, you know we got to cook.
You got to cook this shit up.
- What do you mean?
- Just sprinkle the sauce
like I taught you.
- Like this?
- Yeah.
Isn't salt a little expected, though?
- And kind of first thought?
- Of course, bro.
Everybody loves salt.
It's from the ocean.
And everybody love the ocean.
- That's true.
- Hey!
What the fuck is going on
with the food here, man?
I needed this shit, like, yesterday.
- Is it ready, Dave?
- I'm working on it!
GATA: He got it, man, come on, relax!
- He's taking care of it.
- I just
You're this close to getting fired.
This close.
I'm going as fast as
GATA: I thought he worked for you, bro.
There's nothing.
ELZ: Yo.
You know what you're cooking, right?
No. Will you help me?
I'm clearly working on my own shit.
Cool, thanks.
[COOKS CLAMORING]
[CHANTING]:
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook
There's nothing to cook!
There's nothing to cook!
- [LAUGHING]
- There's nothing to cook.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
Fuck it. Cook me.
- What?
- Cook me, bro.
You can put me in this oven right here,
bake me, you know what I'm saying?
A little Easy-Bake Oven gander.
You can throw me over here
in the stir fry and chop me up,
Benihana-style
- What you want to do, bro?
- I'm not gonna cook you, Gata.
- You're my fucking friend.
- Here, take this.
Just take a slice of my arm.
You don't have no other options,
man. You behind.
- I'm not doing it, no. No.
- Come on, let's go!
- You playin'. Just do it, bro!
- I'm not doing it.
- What's the problem with you?!
- All right.
- You don't have no other options!
- Okay,
- fine, man, fine! Fine!
- Do it! Cut my arm!
I'm-a cut smooth as butter.
Fine. All right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Aah! Aah!
- What the fuck, man?!
You said it was just bu-butter!
- Okay, should I stop?
- Keep going.
All right! [RETCHES]
- Does it hurt?
- Of course it hurts!
- You're cutting my fucking arm off!
- Almost there.
Am I good?
Am I good, though?
- You're incredible.
- Oh!
[SIZZLING]
♪
[DAVE GRUNTING, PANTING]
All right
Hot plate coming in.
MAN [LAUGHING]: Oh!
Okay, this is so funny.
Classic Lil Dicky.
Mmm, this is like Kodak Black
with a hint of
- Young Dolph.
- ALL: Mmm.
It's actually, uh
Gata.
GATA: Hey!
Are y'all fucking with me, though?
Oh, my God.
You're letting them eat Gata?
Gata said to do that.
And they were hungry. I don't know.
Stop filming, please.
I'm doing it. You're not stopping me.
- No. Stop filming.
- WHITE GUYS: More!
More!
More! More!
Shh! Shh!
Shh, shh, shh.
♪
I
miss you.
I know.
- And I love you. I love you so much.
- Dave.
I can't.
I wish things could have been
different, but I know now
that we're just
not right for each other.
And it had to end sometime.
No.
It didn't.
♪
♪
Excuse me?
Excuse me?
David Andrew Burd!
I've been expecting you.
Do you like it?
Who What, the music?
It's good, right?
Who the fuck are you, man?
I like it, too.
I've prepared it for you.
You want to hear more?
Yeah, okay.
I had a ménage,
I'd rather get a fiancée ♪
My Mom up my ass like a prostate ♪
She thinking forward like blockchain ♪
But I'm sitting thinking
about the fourth grade ♪
I was hitting on the Macarena ♪
Visualizing all the packed arenas ♪
I didn't have shit on my hands
except Cheetos ♪
That was the top,
back when Dwayne was The Rock ♪
Back when jerking off used
to be the motivation ♪
I would come home racing,
trying to beat my Mama ♪
To my crib, get naked and I'll go ♪
On Maxim.com for the
pictures, put the shower on ♪
While I'm sticking the
printouts to the shower wall ♪
Using steam,
then I put the showerhead up ♪
On the massage setting ♪
What the fuck was that?
How was I ♪
And you know where it goes
from there, but
- do you like it?
- Uh
I am obsessed with it.
Can I have that?
Can you send me those files?
There's no need. I am you.
By the way, I got
the surgery that clogged
the second pee hole.
You got to do it.
Oh, this is a te You're my ego.
And I'm supposed to kill you.
And I don't know how to
- Do we choose weapons or
- What'd you say?
That you're gonna kill me?
Oh
So, so so come here.
The way in which
I would beat you to a pulp
It would be spellbinding.
But I'm not gonna do that today.
Why do you think that?
Why do you think you should kill me?
Where's that coming from?
Well, it's coming from everything
that I just fucking saw.
I don't know, man.
I don't know what's fucking going on.
So I had these visions
and it seems as though
they're portraying a selfish man,
and I need to be a better person
to have balance in life,
and then once I do that, I will
be a more prosperous artist.
[SPITS] You're a fool.
But I know that about you,
because we had to travel
through your idiot mind
to even get to this level.
You literally ate a Black man.
You ate Gata.
How overt can you get?
Overt? I don't-I don't even get it.
- Ugh, I can't
- Appropriation?
I really can't explain
everything to you.
I can, but I don't want to.
- But I could.
- I'm just, like,
not well-equipped to understand
this type of, uh, uh, shit. You know?
I didn't even understand
Men in Black the first time.
I get it now, and it's
actually a very simple
Aren't you here to make better music?
I came to Rick Rubin's
to make better music,
and now I-I What realm is thi
I mean, I don't know.
Are you Rick Rubin?
[GASPS]
There he is!
Come here, my sweet little metaphor.
What the fuck is that?
That's Double A, the anteater.
You wouldn't know it, but
the suck power on his snout
Tremendo.
Double A? But wouldn't it be
"AE" for anteater?
That's a typo.
Shut up!
All right, sorry.
Listen to me. I'm here to help you.
This could solve everything.
Look at this look at
everything that I could be.
Look, it's kind of hard to take
any of this seriously,
to be honest with you.
Uh, your fucking outfit's
insane, there's an anteater,
you're talking
about suck power, it's like
All this is very humorous.
And I feel like, you know,
they were saying
that that's a crutch.
And that I rely on my humor and
What do you mean, humor as a crutch?
What are you talking about?
You're a humorous guy.
You like making jokes.
What's wrong with that?
I've seen you be serious.
I know you have
the capability of being serious.
You made a song
about your ex-girlfriend,
how much you love her.
Wasn't that true, real, serious?
You also made a song
about your dick sucking.
Funny, but true, real serious.
Don't change who you are.
Who the fuck are these people
telling you to do that?
Stop worrying about being highbrow
or lowbrow.
Just be
no brow.
Huh, okay.
I hear that.
But
Wait, so you're saying
that your main message here
is more or less for me to "be myself"?
Because that is so basic,
and going through all that for that
- You're basic.
- But I guess me acknowledging
that basicness is-is far from basic.
If I'm, like, so aware of that basicity,
and I guess that's what's
happening right now,
even my innermost thing is,
like, uh, so
maybe this is actually
incredibly poignant. Um
I'm sorry, everybody.
This guy's over here arguing
with himself, I know.
- We should have better
- And you know what? I should be a better person.
I don't want to gloss over that.
I saw all of those things
for a reason, and if my, like,
innermost thoughts are telling
me that it doesn't matter
Oh, my God, yes.
Be a better person, of course.
You really need to come here
to realize that?
Duh, be a good person.
But how on earth
is that gonna help you
make better music?
I don't see the parallel.
You want to know
what your real crutch is?
Overanalyzing.
I'm looking at it right now
You turn over
stone after stone, you got to get data,
takes, variation it's just endless.
You wonder why you don't get anywhere.
So they tell you
don't be funny?
[GRUNTING]
♪
That's a joke, that's a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, they getting roast ♪
Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke,
that's a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, what a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
You know what I mean? Like,
that's a hook right there, boom.
Stop overthinking it,
and just
- harness.
- That
is truly the best thing
that I could ev I need that.
That's, like, everything that I love.
Please, can I have that?
[EXHALES]
[SNIFFLES]
You already have it.
I am you.
I've been down here this whole time.
Waiting.
Oh.
So I've been holding me down.
Exactly.
And you should be
holding me down.
Whoa, wow, what
I'm sorry.
I thought there was something
And I get it. But do you?
Because if [RETCHING]
Hey, are you a
[RETCHING]
Double A! The plan! Now!
Do it, Double A!
We'll switch!
Double A [RETCHING]
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
How long has he been in here?!
I thought you were getting him out.
ADAMS: His mouth is full of water,
he swallowed his tongue,
- fuck, fuck!
- BIFF: Oh, Jesus!
How long did you have him in here?!
I thought you were
supposed to get him out!
No, man! You were fucking supposed
to be here!
- See what I mean?!
- Rick's got me juggling four guys!
You're okay, you're okay, buddy.
- You're okay.
- Am I in the tank?
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, you're, uh,
still in there, all right.
You are, yeah.
- I had-I had There was an anteater!
- Shh, shh.
- You're okay.
- That's a joke, that's a joke, that's a joke, that's a joke.
- Just relax - Okay, Biff is coming.
- Oh, no, I have to record!
- Wait, wait, wait..
- Wait, wait - Ha, ha, ha!
- No, I have it, I have to record!
- He's like a greased pig!
Ha! Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke.
That's a joke!
[PANTING]
That's a joke, that's a joke,
that's a joke.
That's a joke, that's a joke.
Ha, ha.
[PANTING]
Hey, hey. Record, right now, please.
- Go, any beat, go.
- [HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING]
Hey, hey, hey ♪
That's a joke, uh,
that's a joke, hey ♪
Ha, ha, ha, they getting roast, hey ♪
Hey, these motherfuckers,
they done lost me ♪
Everything I'm doing lofty,
I'm kind of wearing on 'em ♪
Like a softy I got it ground
up like coffee I had ♪
'06 'round about,
wildin' out, back in '06 ♪
I was talking about graduating
now I'm all winding down ♪
Time has changed, got
a little grayness in my hair ♪
I don't care, I got to face it
I ain't never knowing how ♪
The money payment working,
there's a person couple ♪
Probably I don't even bother
picking up for my father ♪
He was so responsible and so logical ♪
What am I even doing?
Why am I rapping like this? ♪
I'm such a loser, I hate when
rappers try to rap fast ♪
Make the kids dance,
women lick my anus ♪
Think pieces on me,
New York Times, I made it ♪
I'm fucking like a fable
doggy-style watching cable ♪
Then we eat a couple bagels
with the lox, word to Jada ♪
Gata told me I'm the best ♪
- And guess what ♪
- What? ♪
I'm the it guy for America ♪
Don't mind me I'm over here ♪
Just redefining that alpha male ♪
Don't mind me I'm over here
just getting all the ops ♪
All the ops ♪
How they rappin',
I've been working on my craft ♪
Making it happen, work, work ♪
We should make
a bracket don't forget ♪
That I'm the cut medium but
I'm better than the rappers? ♪
♪
[GULL CALLING]
[WAVES CRASHING IN DISTANCE]
Is this the right place?
♪
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[INHALES]
[EXHALES]
[CRINKLING]
[WHISTLES, EXHALES]
[CRUNCHING]
Oh. Hello.
Hello.
Uh, I'm here to see Rick Rubin.
To work on my album.
I'm Benny Blanco's friend, Lil Dicky.
The rapper.
I'm Orhan, the painter.
Orhan the painter
That's got a ring to it.
That's better than my rap name.
Are you an artist or are you kind of
just in the physical space?
Yes.
Multilayered white.
That'd be a good album title for me.
When a new artist arrives, we repaint.
It is important
to create a pure environment,
free of distraction,
to allow the muse to speak.
I hear that. I need a muse, man.
[BRUSHING CONTINUES]
♪
Is that
Oh, wow. Is that him out there?
That's Rick.
I'm gonna go talk to Rick, okay?
Be right back.
♪
[GULLS CALLING]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
♪
[CRACKING]
Hey, Rick.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I'm just a huge fan,
and I'm so honored to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Excited to work.
I'm not Rick.
I'm Biff Wiff.
Oh.
Biff Wiff?
That's right.
Did you just take my picture?
Uh-huh.
I wear a watch that tells me
when somebody's taking my photograph.
[LAUGHS]
I'm just kidding you, man.
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh!
Wow. That really took my heart for a
So you're a musician, right?
- Yeah! I'm a rapper.
- Yeah.
Rapper? Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
You must be pretty good to be
out here working with Rick.
- I Yeah.
- Look,
if you ever need an actor
for a music video or whatever,
uh, Biff Wiff.
Oh. You're an actor?
Yeah. Look me up on IMDb.
I'm a real guy.
Lil Dicky.
We've been expecting you.
Welcome to Shangri-La.
- Hi!
- Hi.
Thanks, Biff. Good to meet you, man.
- You, too.
- Atoms.
Adams, I'm Dave. Nice to meet you.
- No. Atoms.
- Atoms.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
[GULL CALLING]
DAVE: And, you know, there'd be
a large group of us, and
the rabbi would say, "Tekiah!"
And you'd hear
[MIMICS SHOFAR BLOWING]
And he'd blow the ram's horn
I didn't mean your religious background,
just your general background.
Why are you here? What brought you here?
Oh. Uh, well, I don't know
what Benny has told you guys,
but I have been working
on my album for months
- and months and months, and
- Mm-hmm.
I'm having a lot of difficulty
- with any output whatsoever, and
- Mm.
You know, I'll be honest.
I'm, like, desperate.
Like, I have no idea
how to solve this problem.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, uh, I am at a true
- personal and creative low point.
- Mm.
Do you read?
I do. I Or I can.
I know how to.
[LAUGHING]
That's a great answer.
- Very good.
- Thank you. Uh
But, tell me, what-what
is Rick's process
So, Rick's process is your process.
And it's not the process that's
brought you to this place,
but, really, it's the process
that you'll find together.
You'll see. Rick has no real
skill beyond his intuition.
[EXHALES] Well, I think that's
just you being a little humble.
- The guy is a fucking legend.
- Mm-hmm.
"99 Problems." All the Kanye stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
- Chili Peppers. Beastie Boys.
It's, like, unbelievable,
what he's done.
Hey, is it true that Flea calls
himself Flea because of Rick?
'Cause I love Flea.
Rick has a way
of deconstructing the artist
to the truest sense of his self,
and it's my job
to get you ready for him.
- Huh.
- So, tell me, Dave,
where are we?
I have a feeling
you don't mean literally.
I do mean literally.
Well, we are
on the leftmost part of America.
I don't really have
the strongest inner compass,
if I'm being honest with you.
No, I mean where are we
in the creative process?
Where are you?
Oh, so you don't mean literally.
That's a thing
that I keep seeing people do
They-they say "literally"
and they actually mean
the exact opposite
- of "literally."
- Okay, tell me what you want.
Uh, so, I'm working on my debut album,
and it feels like I've been
doing that for my whole life,
'cause it's, like, my debut.
And, uh, you know,
I'm kind of, like, a rare situation,
where I occupy this hyperspecific niche
in the musical archival.
So I kind of have to, like,
inject comedic elements into it.
But I also feel like I'm as real
as it possibly can get.
Um, but I am a "dick and fart joke" man
at the end of the day,
no doubt about it.
My struggle is I kind of
always feel like I'm saying
way too much yet nothing at all
at the exact same time, and, uh
I don't know, man.
I feel like there's, like,
a deeper level of artistry
that I can tap into if I
You have a loathing
for where you come from
but a fear that it's all you have.
Yeah.
I'm gonna write that down
and tell Rick that.
- That's a graceful underpinning.
- That's Rick's diagnosis.
He knows a lot about you.
YouTube?
Dave?
Yeah?
- Wake up!
- Oh, my God!
I'm awake, man.
Well, I think we've made great progress.
I think tomorrow is the day.
I'll let Rick know.
Tomorrow? What do you mean?
We're not doing anything more today?
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[SIGHS]
Hello.
Je-sus!
Rick would like you to do an exercise
in advance of tomorrow's session.
Please write down
all your greatest fears
and bury the list somewhere
on the property.
Greatest fears?
Is this-is that serious?
- Mm-hmm.
- And do what to the list?
Just bury it anywhere?
Anywhere.
Well, how is this guy
gonna even know that I did it?
He won't.
Mm.
That's rich.
Hey. Before you go,
wh-what's the Wi-Fi password here?
Um, "Goinward," all one word.
Okay.
It's not working.
It's the full N-word?
"Inward."
I-N.
- "Inward"!
- Yeah.
'Cause I was gonna say,
that-that'd be so aggressive.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
[LINE RINGING]
Hey, Chuck. How's it going?
You make any smashes with Mr. Rubin yet?
I wish. I still haven't even
met this fucking guy.
This is the weirdest place ever.
[BREAKING UP]:
Chuck, that man's a genius.
Makes higher existence
- What?
- On the bottom of a pool with weight
- his body, written in Shar
- Chuck You have bad service.
- Please go to a fixer f
- goat breast milk.
[BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Fears.
My fears.
What are my biggest fears?
My parents dying.
What else? What else? Oh.
Accutane causing permanent dry eyes.
That would suck.
Not being able to play Willy
Wonka in a major motion picture.
No.
Failure.
[SIGHS]
♪
"Spiders"?
- "Flea"?
- [RUSTLING]
♪
Uh [GRUNTS]
I got to tell you, I woke up
totally ready to get to work
and record music I'm in a
great space for that right now.
Uh, I'm down to, like,
experiment vocally.
Uh, did-did my manager
reach out about a humidifier?
For my throat, because it can
get pretty scratchy.
- Mm-hmm.
- If it's not Oh, my God.
Wow.
Ah how should I, like, refer to him?
- What's he like to go by?
- As Biff.
- Biff Wiff.
- Oh.
What is this, like, a trick
or something? I don't
I have just the thing for your throat.
I'm not a trick.
I'm Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Homemade Kambo. By Lavar.
Uh, what is this?
What does that mean,
"homemade Kambo from Lavar"?
What does that mean?
- Who's Lavar?
- Just try it.
- This is good for my throat?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, Lavar!
It actually feels kind of like,
uh, queso from Qdoba.
- Mm.
- You guys ever go to Qdoba?
Does this have dairy in it, though?
Because if I have dairy,
I do get bloated
and then I can't record at all.
- So
- Oh, well, you're not recording today.
So that's okay.
What does that mean,
I'm not recording today?
That's the entire reason I'm here.
Of course I'm recording today.
You said today was the day.
Today is the day.
This is a floatation tank.
We'd like you to disrobe and submerge,
and this should get you
in the right headspace.
- Okay, where is Rick Rubin?
- Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean? Because
I feel like I came here to work
with him and all of this feels
like a borderline waste of time,
unless I'm making music, so
It would be a waste of time
if you were to record
before you were fully ready.
- A waste of Rick's time.
- DAVE: Okay,
what is-what is this thing?
What am I supposed to do in this thing?
Well, creativity
is best when the sense of "self"
falls away and reveals
- what is deeper.
- [SIGHS]
But some artists have an ego
that is making so much noise.
Demanding so much attention.
I should tell you guys right now
I am not at all into,
like, anything spiritual
or, like, "of the spirit"
adjacent landscape.
You might be barking up
the wrong tree with all this,
you know,
mumbular, jumbular type of shit.
Okay, well,
thank you for letting me know.
Sure.
But that is what the tank is for.
To destroy your ego.
- Well, I just
- Well,
your first instinct is to make jokes.
In your life.
In your work. Everywhere you go, no?
- Uh, yeah, okay
- Rick thinks
that you follow this instinct blindly.
- Blindly?
- What's past that
How can you know?
You can't stand more than
ten seconds of silence.
Oh, fuck it. I was trying to fart.
I know you think
that would've proven your point,
but I'm certain it would've
proven mine you both would've
been on the ground, like, belly
laughing, smacking the floor.
This is a crutch.
This is pain.
This is fear.
This is your ego
trying to protect itself.
- Huh.
- But great work
Thank you.
Great work requires something
- more vulnerable.
- Oh.
Isn't that why you came?
Rick thinks you're capable
of being one of the greatest
disruptors of your generation.
- Love that.
- But you need to quiet your ego
for that artistry to emerge.
Trust us.
Kanye West was the same way.
Kanye did this whole thing?
- Mm-hmm.
- Fuck it.
ADAMS: Thank you, Biff.
DAVE: All right.
- So just disrobe and
- Mm-hmm.
Can I piss in this thing?
We'd rather you didn't.
Oh
We'd like you to wear
these shorts, please.
- What?
- Can you please wear these shorts?
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Very well.
- Bonne chance.
- What?
- Bonne chance.
- All right, man.
I am Kanye West ♪
I am Kanye West ♪
I am Kanye Left.
- Music. Music, music.
- I am soaked.
Left, right. Is west always left?
I wonder if they changed
the water since Kanye.
- How, how, how, how?
- This is so boring.
Fuck this shit.
♪
Hello?
♪
What do you want?
♪
Here?
Rick?
Why?
- Can we just make music?
- [MOTOR HUMMING]
[GROANS]
Stop!
No! No!
[CAR THUDS]
[WHEEL SQUEAKING]
♪
Dave!
Dan?
Dan, what are you
What are you doing here?
Hey.
I'm
I'm so sorry
about everything.
I tried.
You tried what?
I tried eating it.
But thank God I had all those
ketchup packets, am I right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, my God!
I pissed myself.
You think that's funny, right?
You don't seem good.
Let me get you water. Hold on, wait.
DAN: Yeah! You like that!
[DAN CACKLING]
[FLIES BUZZING]
Oh!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- What the
- GATA: LD!
Down here. Come here, bro. Hurry up.
- Gata?
- Yeah, come on, LD.
Come on, hurry up!
Gata, what the fuck is this?
Bro, you're already behind. Come on, LD.
Where What-what
Bro, you know we got to cook.
You got to cook this shit up.
- What do you mean?
- Just sprinkle the sauce
like I taught you.
- Like this?
- Yeah.
Isn't salt a little expected, though?
- And kind of first thought?
- Of course, bro.
Everybody loves salt.
It's from the ocean.
And everybody love the ocean.
- That's true.
- Hey!
What the fuck is going on
with the food here, man?
I needed this shit, like, yesterday.
- Is it ready, Dave?
- I'm working on it!
GATA: He got it, man, come on, relax!
- He's taking care of it.
- I just
You're this close to getting fired.
This close.
I'm going as fast as
GATA: I thought he worked for you, bro.
There's nothing.
ELZ: Yo.
You know what you're cooking, right?
No. Will you help me?
I'm clearly working on my own shit.
Cool, thanks.
[COOKS CLAMORING]
[CHANTING]:
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!
Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook
There's nothing to cook!
There's nothing to cook!
- [LAUGHING]
- There's nothing to cook.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
Fuck it. Cook me.
- What?
- Cook me, bro.
You can put me in this oven right here,
bake me, you know what I'm saying?
A little Easy-Bake Oven gander.
You can throw me over here
in the stir fry and chop me up,
Benihana-style
- What you want to do, bro?
- I'm not gonna cook you, Gata.
- You're my fucking friend.
- Here, take this.
Just take a slice of my arm.
You don't have no other options,
man. You behind.
- I'm not doing it, no. No.
- Come on, let's go!
- You playin'. Just do it, bro!
- I'm not doing it.
- What's the problem with you?!
- All right.
- You don't have no other options!
- Okay,
- fine, man, fine! Fine!
- Do it! Cut my arm!
I'm-a cut smooth as butter.
Fine. All right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Aah! Aah!
- What the fuck, man?!
You said it was just bu-butter!
- Okay, should I stop?
- Keep going.
All right! [RETCHES]
- Does it hurt?
- Of course it hurts!
- You're cutting my fucking arm off!
- Almost there.
Am I good?
Am I good, though?
- You're incredible.
- Oh!
[SIZZLING]
♪
[DAVE GRUNTING, PANTING]
All right
Hot plate coming in.
MAN [LAUGHING]: Oh!
Okay, this is so funny.
Classic Lil Dicky.
Mmm, this is like Kodak Black
with a hint of
- Young Dolph.
- ALL: Mmm.
It's actually, uh
Gata.
GATA: Hey!
Are y'all fucking with me, though?
Oh, my God.
You're letting them eat Gata?
Gata said to do that.
And they were hungry. I don't know.
Stop filming, please.
I'm doing it. You're not stopping me.
- No. Stop filming.
- WHITE GUYS: More!
More!
More! More!
Shh! Shh!
Shh, shh, shh.
♪
I
miss you.
I know.
- And I love you. I love you so much.
- Dave.
I can't.
I wish things could have been
different, but I know now
that we're just
not right for each other.
And it had to end sometime.
No.
It didn't.
♪
♪
Excuse me?
Excuse me?
David Andrew Burd!
I've been expecting you.
Do you like it?
Who What, the music?
It's good, right?
Who the fuck are you, man?
I like it, too.
I've prepared it for you.
You want to hear more?
Yeah, okay.
I had a ménage,
I'd rather get a fiancée ♪
My Mom up my ass like a prostate ♪
She thinking forward like blockchain ♪
But I'm sitting thinking
about the fourth grade ♪
I was hitting on the Macarena ♪
Visualizing all the packed arenas ♪
I didn't have shit on my hands
except Cheetos ♪
That was the top,
back when Dwayne was The Rock ♪
Back when jerking off used
to be the motivation ♪
I would come home racing,
trying to beat my Mama ♪
To my crib, get naked and I'll go ♪
On Maxim.com for the
pictures, put the shower on ♪
While I'm sticking the
printouts to the shower wall ♪
Using steam,
then I put the showerhead up ♪
On the massage setting ♪
What the fuck was that?
How was I ♪
And you know where it goes
from there, but
- do you like it?
- Uh
I am obsessed with it.
Can I have that?
Can you send me those files?
There's no need. I am you.
By the way, I got
the surgery that clogged
the second pee hole.
You got to do it.
Oh, this is a te You're my ego.
And I'm supposed to kill you.
And I don't know how to
- Do we choose weapons or
- What'd you say?
That you're gonna kill me?
Oh
So, so so come here.
The way in which
I would beat you to a pulp
It would be spellbinding.
But I'm not gonna do that today.
Why do you think that?
Why do you think you should kill me?
Where's that coming from?
Well, it's coming from everything
that I just fucking saw.
I don't know, man.
I don't know what's fucking going on.
So I had these visions
and it seems as though
they're portraying a selfish man,
and I need to be a better person
to have balance in life,
and then once I do that, I will
be a more prosperous artist.
[SPITS] You're a fool.
But I know that about you,
because we had to travel
through your idiot mind
to even get to this level.
You literally ate a Black man.
You ate Gata.
How overt can you get?
Overt? I don't-I don't even get it.
- Ugh, I can't
- Appropriation?
I really can't explain
everything to you.
I can, but I don't want to.
- But I could.
- I'm just, like,
not well-equipped to understand
this type of, uh, uh, shit. You know?
I didn't even understand
Men in Black the first time.
I get it now, and it's
actually a very simple
Aren't you here to make better music?
I came to Rick Rubin's
to make better music,
and now I-I What realm is thi
I mean, I don't know.
Are you Rick Rubin?
[GASPS]
There he is!
Come here, my sweet little metaphor.
What the fuck is that?
That's Double A, the anteater.
You wouldn't know it, but
the suck power on his snout
Tremendo.
Double A? But wouldn't it be
"AE" for anteater?
That's a typo.
Shut up!
All right, sorry.
Listen to me. I'm here to help you.
This could solve everything.
Look at this look at
everything that I could be.
Look, it's kind of hard to take
any of this seriously,
to be honest with you.
Uh, your fucking outfit's
insane, there's an anteater,
you're talking
about suck power, it's like
All this is very humorous.
And I feel like, you know,
they were saying
that that's a crutch.
And that I rely on my humor and
What do you mean, humor as a crutch?
What are you talking about?
You're a humorous guy.
You like making jokes.
What's wrong with that?
I've seen you be serious.
I know you have
the capability of being serious.
You made a song
about your ex-girlfriend,
how much you love her.
Wasn't that true, real, serious?
You also made a song
about your dick sucking.
Funny, but true, real serious.
Don't change who you are.
Who the fuck are these people
telling you to do that?
Stop worrying about being highbrow
or lowbrow.
Just be
no brow.
Huh, okay.
I hear that.
But
Wait, so you're saying
that your main message here
is more or less for me to "be myself"?
Because that is so basic,
and going through all that for that
- You're basic.
- But I guess me acknowledging
that basicness is-is far from basic.
If I'm, like, so aware of that basicity,
and I guess that's what's
happening right now,
even my innermost thing is,
like, uh, so
maybe this is actually
incredibly poignant. Um
I'm sorry, everybody.
This guy's over here arguing
with himself, I know.
- We should have better
- And you know what? I should be a better person.
I don't want to gloss over that.
I saw all of those things
for a reason, and if my, like,
innermost thoughts are telling
me that it doesn't matter
Oh, my God, yes.
Be a better person, of course.
You really need to come here
to realize that?
Duh, be a good person.
But how on earth
is that gonna help you
make better music?
I don't see the parallel.
You want to know
what your real crutch is?
Overanalyzing.
I'm looking at it right now
You turn over
stone after stone, you got to get data,
takes, variation it's just endless.
You wonder why you don't get anywhere.
So they tell you
don't be funny?
[GRUNTING]
♪
That's a joke, that's a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, they getting roast ♪
Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke,
that's a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, what a joke ♪
Ha, ha, ha, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
You know what I mean? Like,
that's a hook right there, boom.
Stop overthinking it,
and just
- harness.
- That
is truly the best thing
that I could ev I need that.
That's, like, everything that I love.
Please, can I have that?
[EXHALES]
[SNIFFLES]
You already have it.
I am you.
I've been down here this whole time.
Waiting.
Oh.
So I've been holding me down.
Exactly.
And you should be
holding me down.
Whoa, wow, what
I'm sorry.
I thought there was something
And I get it. But do you?
Because if [RETCHING]
Hey, are you a
[RETCHING]
Double A! The plan! Now!
Do it, Double A!
We'll switch!
Double A [RETCHING]
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
How long has he been in here?!
I thought you were getting him out.
ADAMS: His mouth is full of water,
he swallowed his tongue,
- fuck, fuck!
- BIFF: Oh, Jesus!
How long did you have him in here?!
I thought you were
supposed to get him out!
No, man! You were fucking supposed
to be here!
- See what I mean?!
- Rick's got me juggling four guys!
You're okay, you're okay, buddy.
- You're okay.
- Am I in the tank?
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh, you're, uh,
still in there, all right.
You are, yeah.
- I had-I had There was an anteater!
- Shh, shh.
- You're okay.
- That's a joke, that's a joke, that's a joke, that's a joke.
- Just relax - Okay, Biff is coming.
- Oh, no, I have to record!
- Wait, wait, wait..
- Wait, wait - Ha, ha, ha!
- No, I have it, I have to record!
- He's like a greased pig!
Ha! Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke.
That's a joke!
[PANTING]
That's a joke, that's a joke,
that's a joke.
That's a joke, that's a joke.
Ha, ha.
[PANTING]
Hey, hey. Record, right now, please.
- Go, any beat, go.
- [HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING]
Hey, hey, hey ♪
That's a joke, uh,
that's a joke, hey ♪
Ha, ha, ha, they getting roast, hey ♪
Hey, these motherfuckers,
they done lost me ♪
Everything I'm doing lofty,
I'm kind of wearing on 'em ♪
Like a softy I got it ground
up like coffee I had ♪
'06 'round about,
wildin' out, back in '06 ♪
I was talking about graduating
now I'm all winding down ♪
Time has changed, got
a little grayness in my hair ♪
I don't care, I got to face it
I ain't never knowing how ♪
The money payment working,
there's a person couple ♪
Probably I don't even bother
picking up for my father ♪
He was so responsible and so logical ♪
What am I even doing?
Why am I rapping like this? ♪
I'm such a loser, I hate when
rappers try to rap fast ♪
Make the kids dance,
women lick my anus ♪
Think pieces on me,
New York Times, I made it ♪
I'm fucking like a fable
doggy-style watching cable ♪
Then we eat a couple bagels
with the lox, word to Jada ♪
Gata told me I'm the best ♪
- And guess what ♪
- What? ♪
I'm the it guy for America ♪
Don't mind me I'm over here ♪
Just redefining that alpha male ♪
Don't mind me I'm over here
just getting all the ops ♪
All the ops ♪
How they rappin',
I've been working on my craft ♪
Making it happen, work, work ♪
We should make
a bracket don't forget ♪
That I'm the cut medium but
I'm better than the rappers? ♪