Diary of a Future President (2020) s02e09 Episode Script

1 Diary, I was finally ungrounded.
What party? And good thing too.
Because Student Rep elections were just around the corner.
Vote for Elena.
I'm gonna use the rest of my break to work on my speech.
You gotta knock it out of the park.
And so was Joey Feldstein's bar mitzvah.
Joey will realize that his true love has been in front of him the whole time.
I can be the first dance at his bar mitzvah.
Bobby was keeping busy too and was starting to open up.
I'd rather take a guy, because I'm gay.
I love you, Bobby.
- That's great, Bobby.
I hope it works out.
- Thanks, man.
The Cañero-Reed siblings had a lot going on.
Which I guess meant we were seeing a little less of Mami.
She and her new campaign squad seem to have everything figured out.
Bit by bit, she's pushing me away.
Bobby's always kept to himself.
And in the words of my shero, the great Shirley Chisholm, "Service is the rent we pay to live on this earth.
" My payment as your Student Rep of Orange Bay Middle School will be to serve all of you.
It's the 40th time you've run it and that Shirley quote gets me every time.
- This speech is a winner for sure.
- Really? In the personal anecdote section, are the ellipses coming across dramatic or ponder-y? - Dramatic.
- Ponder-y.
Hmm.
That's what I was afraid of.
It is now a dash.
That's it.
My speech is done.
It's perfection, Elena.
Sorry, just thinking about that Shirley quote again.
This was the last hurdle.
In the next week and a half, all you have to do is practice.
Your numbers are steady against Emilio.
Your speech is amazing.
We're golden.
Thanks, team.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Okay.
Campaign time is over.
Now it's sleepover time! So, Joey Feldstein's bar mitzvah is coming up.
Are we wearing Converse or heels? I think Converse.
I don't want to trip in case Joey asks me to be his first dance.
Did you see what he commented on my video? "Your outfit is so insane LOL.
" Why would he say "LOL" if he wasn't into you? Let's do sneakers so that I won't be taller than Claude.
It'll make it easier for us to kiss.
Again.
- What? - Oh, my God! - Tell us everything! - You're the first one of us to kiss.
Well, technically, she's not.
It's old news.
Before the summer reset.
A double date in sixth grade.
Sixth grade? With whom? Jessica's cousin's friends.
They live in Tampa.
They text sometimes, but it's nothing serious.
They're obsessed with us.
Oh.
Cool! Still, Sash, tell us everything.
- Hey, it's okay.
- There's no rush.
It's important to find the right person.
Like, I knew it was right with Claude because of the way he makes me feel.
Was it so romantic? Did your foot pop? Mine did with Trey on the dock in Tampa.
You almost fell in.
Diary, here I was thinking I was this mature seventh grader, but I was the last of my friends to take this big step.
And I was ready.
Forget first dance.
What if Joey Feldstein could be my first kiss? Sam.
The girls are in there talking about relationship stuff.
What do you think that means? Ah, it depends.
Kids' terms are so vague.
"Stuff" could mean anything from holding hands to kissing to No.
Please don't finish that sentence.
Oh, Elena's growing up so fast.
- They both are.
- Mmm.
Isn't there a pause button? They tried that in the movie Click.
Didn't go well for old man Sandler.
Robertico.
Cutting it a little close to curfew, huh? I'm, like, the only one of my new friends who even has a curfew.
See? You're thinking about the ending of Click, aren't you? Life just passed him by.
Oh, sweetie.
Anyway, I'm really sorry.
I was a jerk at the party.
I just got caught up trying to impress my new friends.
Well one friend, specifically, who I really like.
Like, really like.
Oh, is it Shay? She's so hot and mean.
It's not Shay.
Remember that guy CJ? Oh.
Oh! Well, dude, look, I get it.
If it meant impressing Bella, I would have probably shaved my curls, changed my name, murdered someone No, not that.
Well What's the status with CJ? Man, I don't know.
Sometimes I wonder if he just sees me as a dumb kid.
At Night League, he seemed totally into you.
I'm a freshman.
I have a curfew.
The other night, CJ asked me to move his car, and I had to say I didn't know how.
Oh.
Learn to drive.
Boom.
Solved.
Didn't your mom say you couldn't learn even though you had a permit and her permission supersedes the state of Florida? Yep.
Not exactly helping my case to get CJ to see me as less of a kid.
Oh, well, ask Sam.
Boom.
Solved again.
That's true.
Sam would probably love to teach you how to drive.
He's obsessed with bonding.
- Not a bad idea.
- I am on fire today.
I'd never actually murder someone, by the way.
There he was.
The love of my life, Joey Feldstein.
Oh! - Emilio.
- Sorry, Elena.
Here's your Student Rep handbook.
- Oh, wait, that's mine.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
My gosh.
Oh, five-by-eights.
That's the stuff.
Yep, you can write bigger and fit more.
- So you don't have to squint.
- Exactly.
Don't look.
I'm not done with my speech yet.
I'm sure you are.
There's a Shirley Chisholm quote at the end that's on point.
- That's my favorite Shirley.
- "Shirley" see you later.
- I "Shirley" will.
- Bye, Emilio.
Elena? Oh! Hi, Joey.
Hey.
Were you just talking about writing a speech? Oh.
Yeah, my Student Rep speech.
It's so dumb.
Just kidding.
It's the most important speech of my young life.
Why? Not that you can't ask.
I was just curious.
You You can talk now.
Well, I gotta give a pretty important speech too.
The welcome speech at my bar mitzvah.
But it's really, like, hard.
To write.
Ah.
Trouble with the old Gettysburg.
- No.
It's for my bar mitzvah.
- Right.
Can you help me? Sure! Let me take a look.
No, like, really help me.
Just the two of us? Maybe today after school? That's right, Diary.
Joey Feldstein asked to hang out.
With me.
He even used the phrase "just the two of us.
" Elena? Right! Sorry.
Of course! Yeah.
So cool.
Want to come to my house? I'm all yours.
Well, not "all yours," unless No.
Cool.
See you then.
Later.
Not to brag, but I think I nailed it.
My first kiss with Joey couldn't be far behind.
Hey, so, the other day when you picked me up, I, uh, noticed something.
My day-of-the-week air fresheners? Vanilla Tuesday! Yeah.
But also, you're flawless at merging lanes.
It was so smooth.
You never even pushed the brake.
How do you do that? Well, it's all about your foot weight.
I release my foot pressure in increments, so I don't slow down the traffic behind me.
Years of practice.
Like, I see what you're doing here, but, uh, I think it would really help me if we were actually in the car.
Even better if, uh, I was in the driver's seat.
Want to teach me? Bonding time with my main man, Bobby? - I'd be honored.
- Cool.
But it's only cool with me if it's cool with your mom.
It's not cool with me.
I don't get it.
The point of having a permit is to learn to drive.
We've been through this before.
- My permission supersedes - The state of Florida.
Yeah, whatever.
What? - He's too young.
- You were saying he's growing up too fast.
I know, but he's my baby.
You can't stop time, Gab.
- After all, many moments - No.
Don't quote Click again.
Fine.
Just make sure to soak up your moments with Bobby.
'Cause "many moments are only cherished when they become memories.
" You had to finish the quote anyway, didn't you? Yeah.
It's hot in here.
Sorry.
Okay, so, read me what you have? "Shalom.
" That's it? I mean, it's a great start.
No, it's not.
I'm doomed.
My family is so on me to give a good speech.
My sister's was so "moving.
" It's like, "I'm not Veronica, okay?" You're Joey.
And you're on the brink of manhood.
Took me months to come up with the slogan for the centerpieces.
This stuff is so hard.
Writing a speech can seem hard, but you just gotta break it down.
Have you heard of Anne Lamott? Is she a party planner? Mine is Marcy Glink.
No.
She's You just gotta go one step at a time.
Bird by bird.
How do you do it? Every time we talk, I always think, like, "Wow, she's good at words.
" Really? You think about me? Yeah, I guess.
Sometimes.
I think about a lot of stuff.
Anyway.
Like I said, doomed.
No.
You're not.
It's kind of a formula.
Take my Student Rep speech, for example.
I start with a personal anecdote, then move on to my mission statement.
A few jokes, a callback to the anecdote, end with a quote by someone I admire, and bam, the crowd is moved.
Oh, sick.
And now you can use things that are personal to you.
Like the Miami Dolphins, salami sandwiches, your dog Henry.
How do you know about the stuffed dog I slee used to sleep with? Just use my speech as a template.
Wow.
How could I ever thank you? Oh, geez, this lunch meat's expired already? Oh! Hello, Joey Feldstein.
Hi.
In my kitchen with my teenage daughter.
What are you two up to? Just hanging out.
Elena's helping me with my bar mitzvah speech.
Oh, well, mazel tov, Joey.
Oh, that must be your sister outside, huh? Let me live, Veronica.
- You got this, Joey.
- Thanks.
Maybe I can practice it for you before the party.
By the broken vending machine? Did you say "broken vending machine"? See you, Elena.
Diary, at Lindsay Shapiro and Penny Lopez's bat mitzvahs, the broken vending machine was where people went to kiss.
Elenita.
Let's eat ice cream out of this carton, and then you can tell me everything about Joey.
Sorry, Mami.
I'm on the phone.
Sasha.
Oh, my Goddess.
You'll never believe what Joey just said.
I did the one trip thing.
Ma.
Sam.
I wanna talk to you about an amazing opportunity.
- You about to sell us a time-share? - No.
I'm pulling an Elena.
Here is a list of situations where having a third driver in the house would be helpful.
Number one, everyone breaks their legs, except me.
Number two, everyone breaks their arms, except me.
Right? Number three, we're out to eat.
We took two cars, and surprise, - we win a third car.
- But we only get it, - if we drive it home that night.
- Exactly.
- Number four, there's a murderer - Robertico, I will teach you how to drive.
Wait, what? Really? No, no.
This is This is a major milestone, and I want to be there to soak it all in.
- Let's go.
- Now? Yeah.
Where the hell are the oranges? Man, I was so close.
No! No distractions.
Really? Not even NPR? Fine.
Hey! Wait, wait, wait.
You did not check your blind spots.
Most teen accidents happen because they thought they checked their blind spots.
Their blind spots are their blind spots.
- Good? - Better.
All right.
- Okay.
- Here we go.
Here we go.
This is gonna be great.
Oh, oh, oh! Wait.
Okay.
- No, no.
Be careful.
Be careful! - Okay, you need to relax.
Okay, if I wanted to relax, I would take a bath, not have my young son operate heavy machinery.
Okay, but we haven't even left the parking spot.
Exactly.
I mean, does a surgeon take out organs on the first day of med school? Well, he can't take out any organs if he can't drive to med school.
Well, then she can take the bus.
- Or, if she had a chill mom - Really? - Oh, the mother was chill.
- she could drive.
Suddenly I am not chill? I am chill.
Diary, the big bar mitzvah day had finally arrived.
I heard Frank Galanari and Inez Rodriguez-Green kissed at the broken vending machine for two hours.
- Elena, it is so totally on.
- Yeah.
So, how are you feeling? Like everything in my life has led up to what's about to happen in this Marriot event space.
Oh, my gosh.
That's, like, true love.
Okay.
Um, I think you should put this on.
It's totally your color.
Come here.
It's called "Little Spoon.
" - Yeah, okay.
Easy.
- Wait.
I have a couple questions.
About kissing.
Oh, hit me.
- What do you need to know? - Well What do I do with my hands? Do I close my eyes? Should I open my eyes to see if he's closing his? What if I have to sneeze? Which way do I turn my head? What if we both turn our heads the same way? Sometimes my nose whistles.
What if that happens? Do I need to hold my breath? For how long? Oh, no.
I ate chimichurri last night.
Should I just call it? Okay, what if he reaches for my Hi.
Oh, I just wanted to see you in your pretty dresses! Mami.
We're not done getting ready.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Of course.
Okay, so when you're done, let me know, and we're gonna take those pictures by the door.
No, that's okay.
We can take our own.
Oh.
Okay.
Hmm.
Of course.
I'm getting replaced by selfies.
Well, if you change your mind, you know, let me know.
What if my tooth bumps into his tooth? What if I'm a bad kisser? Elena, don't worry.
You'll know what to do.
Really? It's second nature.
Like, when Instagram changes its layout.
It's gonna be magical.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- So we gotta get you ready then! - Okay.
Okay, just No, no, not like like pucker.
That's opening your mouth.
Well, that's it.
No more photos of Elena before an event and Bobby is behind the wheel.
So just, you know, drive me to the Garden Grove Retirement Home.
I'd say Bobby could drive you, but you won't let him leave the parking spot.
I told you.
We started fighting before he even turned the key in the ignition.
- He's learning.
- I know, I know.
But I thought we would bond.
You know, one last time before he drives away forever.
Bobby is not driving away forever.
But he's going to go away to college.
Do you think he's going to call me? I mean, if I get a "thumbs up" on a text, it's a victory.
And now, he'll see me as someone who ruined one of his last milestones.
Well, it's one of your milestones too.
Bobby's learning to drive.
You're learning to let him go.
Mmm.
I don't want to.
You're right.
The kids are growing up.
But you have to grow with them.
Oh, you're doing so good, Bobby.
- I am? - Yes, you are.
You are growing.
I'm growing.
We're both growing together.
Oh.
Okay, bud.
So, why the sudden interest in driving? I don't know.
My new friends are a little older, and I just wanted to feel a little more on their level.
Oh, I get that.
Yeah.
Like, the other night, my friend asked me to move a car and Move a car? No, no, no.
Bobby, as your mother and your lawyer, please tell me that you did not touch that car.
No, but, I mean, you didn't even let me You can't drive a car without an adult present.
Okay? You are a minor.
You are liable, which makes me liable, and they can sue us.
We won't have a house.
We will have to sleep in the car you so desperately want to drive.
Do you understand me? Why are you acting like I don't know? I didn't move the car.
See, this is why I don't tell you things.
You don't trust me.
It's not about trusting.
It is a big responsibility.
You just like controlling me.
Roberto Gabriel Cañero-Reed.
You watch your tone with me.
- You watch your tone! - What do you mean watch your tone? You need to Look out! It was finally time to meet the love of my life by the broken vending machine.
Mazel tov, Joey.
I can't believe you got real sand.
The ice sculpture's real water too.
So cool.
So, did you want to, um, practice your speech? I'm good.
I'm finally finished with your template.
It was so helpful.
- Really? - Yeah.
So - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Is it happening? Oh, my Goddess.
Diary, I I think it's happening.
Diary, it happened.
Where's Joseph? We need to say Motzi.
The rabbi needs you.
You should go.
Later.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
You? Yeah.
Let's go check out the damage.
Gimme your permit.
I don't have it.
I didn't think we were gonna leave the parking spot.
Let's go.
Don't say anything.
Oof.
- It's not that bad, right? - Not that bad? Oh, I am so sorry.
- I'm teaching my son how to drive and he - Well, clearly, he's not ready.
- Does the kid even have a license? - He has a permit.
And I am a licensed driver.
- Here is my insurance card.
- No, no.
I'm not taking anything until the cops get here.
Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
I mean, the damage is minimal.
Minimal? Oh, so now you're a mechanic as well as an irresponsible parent.
Got it.
One sec, Gertie.
Just calling the cops.
First of all, I could very well be a mechanic.
But I am a lawyer, and I couldn't help but notice that you are in violation of Rule 57 of the Highway Code.
And you're in violation of Rule 58: bragging about being a lawyer.
- What is Rule 57? - Well, you have a dog in the car.
So? A dog that doesn't appear to be suitably restrained.
Gertie is fine.
She was in a Katy Perry music video.
- I'm dialing.
- You should call the cops.
They'll probably give you a citation, even jail time for animal endangerment.
And Gertie over there will probably go to a shelter while all of this is sorted out.
But Gertie's on a strict paleo diet.
She can't eat shelter food.
It's full of cow hooves and pig hide.
Well, then, let's handle this on our own.
With our insurance.
No law enforcement need to get involved.
Keep your kid off the road, and I'll get my insurance.
Gertie, promise we'll be home soon and you'll get your one egg white.
Okay, fine.
You can have two.
- We should definitely tell everyone.
- Yeah.
Elena Ofelia Cañero-Reed.
Did you Tell us everything.
Well, let's just say I knew exactly what to do.
Oh! It's time for Joey's speech.
I'll tell you the rest after.
Shalom.
I'm gonna talk about, uh, what my bar mitzvah means to me.
When I was seven, I was reading the Constitution - for pleasure when I got to Article V - We have so much in common.
- Do you? - I'm sure you all know, describes how the Constitution is amended.
It reminded me of something my bubbe taught me years ago.
He's using my template.
This is where the personal anecdote goes.
She came to this country because it was a land of opportunity About how your ñeñe inspired you to fight for what's right? we all fight for what's right.
Well, I'm here on my bar mitzvah day to say that I'm keeping that fight alive.
Like my bubbe taught me and like the Constitution itself, I'm going to keep growing.
We fought for the right to write the Constitution Diary, Joey's speech sounded awfully familiar.
But it couldn't be.
He's the love of my life.
Loves of your life don't steal from you.
Right? and in the words of my shero, the great Shirley Chise-holm, "Service is the rent we pay to live on this earth.
" It will be my payment to you all to serve you.
Thanks for coming to my bar mitzvah.
There's a sweets table in the back.
He didn't just use my template.
Joey Feldstein stole my speech.
That was a great speech.
I know Joey isn't running for anything, but I kinda wanna vote for him.
Ooh That speech used to make me cry, but now I wanna make him cry! This is ridiculous.
- No, Elena.
- No, don't leave.
- Oh, my gosh.
- What do we do? I didn't know you could go to jail for having a dog in your car.
Well, I may have exaggerated the consequences.
Oh.
That's, like, kinda cool.
He deserved it.
He was being an ass.
Whoa! - Ma.
- Mmm, what? It's in the Bible.
Wait a sec.
So you lied? Mmm.
I told a tiny lie to save your pompi, Mr.
"I Forgot My Permit.
" Okay, we're back to pompi.
- But you lied.
- Mmm.
We're still paying for the damage to the car.
So at the end of the day, I am still doing the right thing.
I didn't even know you were capable of breaking the rules.
Okay.
Mami bent the rules.
I know you think I'm some robot mom.
But I am a human person.
Although, if you want, I could become a robot mom.
No, no, no.
I I like this version.
It's chill.
Wow.
I'm gonna need that engraved on a plaque.
A plaque? Why not get a tattoo? Oh, no.
Your mom is chill, but she is not that chill.
Oh, okay.
I didn't say you were chill.
- I said - No, no.
You did say I was chill.
Well guess you're kinda chill.
He said it again! Calm down, Ma.
"Joey's beach-mitzvah.
Oy vey, it's my day.
" This is the slogan he worked on for months? No wonder he had to steal your speech.
I've loved him for seven years.
How could I have been so stupid? This is all my fault.
What No Don't you dare.
Okay? This is not your fault.
I have to write a whole new speech.
Please.
We both know you can do that in no time.
I did notice as I was hearing it that the middle could use a few more active verbs.
See? And I have to get a whole new first kiss.
Oh, well, that's just called a second kiss.
Hey, Elena.
Hi, Emilio.
You're missing the photo montage.
There was a weird amount of pictures of Joey holding a stuffed dog.
Henry.
Hey, did Joey just give your Student Rep speech? Oh, right.
The Shirley quote.
Yeah, and I've only been at this school a few months, but there's no way Joey could've written a speech that good.
That was all you.
Thanks, Emilio.
Though a couple verbs did feel a bit more passive than I am used to from you.
Uh, we can ask Mrs.
R.
if she could push the assembly a few days.
No, that's okay.
I'll figure something out.
If anyone can crank out a new speech, it's you.
You're the smartest person I'll ever crush in an election.
We'll see about that.
Ooh Shut up.
We're political opponents.
Joey, get up here! Time for the Hora! They're about to do that thing where they put him on a chair and lift him up.
Do you wanna see if we can drop him? No.
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but Joey's not worth it.
Besides, I have a speech to write.
Oh, I still can't believe that guy thought he was gonna go to jail.
I can't believe he feeds his dog egg whites.
So, tomorrow, you wanna do this again? Really? Chill.
I'll remember to grab my permit.
Oh, wow.
Look at you.
Growing up.
I need to tell you something.
I told Elena, and I told my friends, but, uh I've been trying to figure out the right time to tell you.
Mm-hmm? I'm kinda into one of my new friends.
The one who asked me to move the car, actually.
Yeah? His name is CJ.
"His.
" Yeah.
Wow.
Gabi, remember this moment.
What? I'm sorry.
I I'm just I'm just really happy that you're sharing this with me.
I love you.
- Eyes on the road, Ma.
- Oh, yeah.
I love you too.
So, tell me about him.
When am I gonna meet him? When is he coming over for dinner? - Oh, my God.
Ma.
- What should I make for dinner? - I haven't even told him yet, okay? - You haven't told him? We could have him over for dinner.
- Sambled eggs.
Huh? - He doesn't even know I - I don't even know if he likes me back.
- I'm sure he likes you! What are you talking about? Oh, we can make, um I don't know