Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s02e09 Episode Script

1
[WHISTLING]
I FOUND SOME GRASS, EDDY!
WHOOP-DE-DO, ED!
CHEESE, GRATED AND WAITING!
READY TO ROLL, DOUBLE D?
DON'T RUSH ME, EDDY. THERE'S
AN ART TO FOLDING TACOS
FROM PAPER PLATES.
HOOWEE!
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.
ART, SCHMART. EVERYONE
WILL BUY OUR TACOS.
IT'S A CINCH.
GRASS, PAPER PLATES,
AND CRAYON FOR CHEESE
A TACO DOES NOT MAKE, EDDY.
CHEDDAR!
GOODNESS SAKE, ED!
DOES THAT REALLY
TASTE LIKE CHEESE?
IT'S ORANGE LIKE CHEESE.
REALLY?
SO, IF WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING IS TRUE,
THIS BLUE CRAYON
MUST BE A BLUEBERRY PIE.
[GULP]
TART YET CRUSTY.
Eddy: YOU GUYS,
QUIT FOOLING AROUND!
I STILL HAVE TO ADD
MY BROTHER'S SECRET
BANANA. YELLOW IS FOR BANANA.
YOU ARE A BANANA!
BLAAK!
WATER! WATER!
DON'T JUST STAND THERE!
BUT
THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
I'VE SEEN SOMEONE
GUZZLE MY BROTHER'S
ARMENIAN SECRET HOT SAUCE.
IT CERTAINLY RID ME
OF THAT HORRIBLE,
NON-TOXIC, WAXY AFTERTASTE.
MY MOM SAYS NOT TO
PICK MY BELLYBUTTON.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
IT'S NOT WORKING!
THIS SAUCE IS SUPPOSED
TO BE A REAL GUT BURNER.
[BELL RINGING]
[STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS]
HI, EDDY!
HUH, DUH
[FEEBLE YELL]
OH, DEAR, A SHRIEK OF TERROR.
DAD'S HOME!
WHAT'S UP WITH FLUFFY?
THERE! IN THE WINDOW!
A DARK FIGURE CAST A SHADOW,
ITS BODY CONTORTED
WITH A HIDEOUS HAIRDO!
HOLD ME!
ARE YOU SURE, JIMMY?
STAND BACK!
PROTECT YOURSELVES.
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS BEHIND
THE HALLOWED WALLS IN
THE HOUSE OF THE HAUNTED?
HEEEY!
IT'S THE HOUSE OF THE MAD LOGGER
WHO CHOPS DOWN TREES AND
HACKS THEM INTO COFFEE TABLES!
HEY!
WAIT! THIS HOUSE IS OWNED BY
THE PROVOKED OPERA SINGER,
WHO LURES LITTLE BOYS AND
GIRLS WITH ENCHANTED ARIAS!
GROW UP!
IT'S JUST AN EMPTY HOUSE, GEEZ!
GO CHECK IT OUT, THEN!
I DARE YA.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE
SOME OTHER TIME.
ED NEEDS ME TO CHANGE THE
NEWSPAPER UNDER HIS BED.
CHANGED IT THIS MORNING, EDDY!
HMM?
I'll GIVE YOU A JAWBREAKER.
IF YOU GO INSIDE THE HOUSE.
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
EDDY, DON'T YOU SEE
THROUGH KEVIN'S CHEAP ATTEMP
TO GET US TO GO IN
THAT FILTHY HOUSE?
Eddy: ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS STICK
OUR FOOT IN THE DOOR AND BINGO!
JAWBREAKER FOR EDDY.
Ed: AHCHOO!
GET ANY ON YOU, ED?
DO YOU SEE ANYTHING, EDDY?
YEAH, DARK. LOTS
AND LOTS OF DARK.
AH..AHCHOO!
DANDELIONS, EDDY.
Edd: ED, COULD YOU
PLEASE GET OFF MY FACE?
Eddy: THIS HOUSE ISN'T HAUNTED!
IT'S A DUMP.
THIS LOOKS LIKE THE HOUSE FROM
"I WAS A COTTON SWAB IN MADAME
TONGUE ITCHES EARWAX MUSEUM"
THE MINISERIES.
[DEEP VOICE]: DOUBLE D!!
LET ME POKE YOUR BRAIN.
HA HA HA!
YOU SCARED DOUBLE D, EDDY.
I DID, DIDN'T I?
COME ON, I GOT AN IDEA.
[LAUGHS]
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE OK?
Eddy: NO, DON'T!
HELP!
HE'S GOT ME! AH! NO!
WHOA!
KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!
OH, NO!
AAHH!!
OH, THE INHUMANITY!
OH HEY, THE ED
BOYS ARE GONNERS!
SOMEONE HELP HIM!
AH! OH!
OH, GET AWAY!
HELLO!
SOMEONE HELP MY IDIOT BROTHER!
AAHHH
I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING
I'VE SAID ABOUT THE TWERPS.
AAAH
HUH?
OF ALL THE LOUSY TRICKS!
ENOUGH TORTURE.
LET'S LET THEM OFF EASY
AND COLLECT OUR JAWBRE
WHAT THE?
HIT THE ROAD!
[THUNDERING]
[CLUNK]
TELL ME THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
NOTHING THAT A LITTLE
EDDY MAGIC WOULDN'T FIX.
MY FINGER'S STUCK, GUYS.
HA! GOOD TRICK, EDDY. MY TURN!
[GASPS]
I AM THE COTTON SWAB.
RELEASE THE WAX, EARPERSON!
YOU'RE SCARING ME
MORE THAN USUAL, ED.
PLEASE PULL EDDY
LOOSE, SO WE CAN LEAVE!
CAREFUL, ED, I
BRUISE LIKE A BANANA.
TALLYHO!
HA HA HA!
HARDER, ED.
[GRUNTING]
UH
[LA CUCARACHA]
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S THE PHANTOM OF THE EARWAX.
PHANTOM?
THAT'S IT. LE
ME OUT, LET ME!
OUT?
HEEEYY!
AAAHHH!
OHHH!
QUIT MILKING IT, POLTERDORKS!
YOUR BAMBOOZLE HAS SOURED
LIKE NANA'S DENTURE WATER.
BAMBOOZLE! HA HA!
HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ONE. HA!
AAHH!
WHOA!
OH, MY ACHING HEAD!
THAT WAS QUITE AN EXPERIENCE.
IS IT ME, OR DO OUR
HEADS LOOK LIKE YAMS?
HA HA! BIG BUTT, SO WHAT?
IT'S A MIRROR.
A ROOM FULL OF MIRRORS.
SWEET!
YAMS, WHAT WAS I THINKING?
LOOK AT THAT.
A POOR, DEFENSELESS BOOK
ABANDONED AND TOSSED ASIDE
LIKE SOME CHEAP COMIC.
WHO WOULD DO INTERESTING.
THERE SEEMS TO BE
OH, LOOK, ANOTHER ONE.
CHECK THIS OUT, GUYS.
TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR EYES.
HA HA HA!
CUCKOO! [GASPS]
CHUNKY PUFFS! YUM YUM YUM!
ED? DOUBLE D?
WHERE THE HECK ARE THEY?
OH, I HATE YOU
KNOBHOLDER THING!
Edd: CAN SOMEONE SO
WELL READ BE SO ILLITERATE?
I ASK YOU.
OH, ANOTHER ONE.
RAPTURE.
WHERE'S THE ROOM
GOING? WHERE AM I GOING?
HELP! THE STAIRCASE
IS EATING ME!
BOOKS UPON SHELVES
UPON WALLS OF LITERATURE!
BOHEMIAN!
SOMEONE'S REALLY
TRYING MY PATIENCE.
PERFECTLY SHELVED.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
HELLO.
PIGGY BANK! MONEY! COME TO PAPA!
PROFESSOR DOUBLE
D, BOOK ARCHIVIST.
I LIKE THE TIMBER OF THAT.
EDDY, FILTHY RICH
JAWBREAKER TYCOON, OH YEAH!
BINGO!
OK, COUGH UP THE
DOUGH, YOU LITTLE PORKER.
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
AH, OH, EH
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER, DOUBLE D
NICE. YAAH!
AAAHH! WHAT?
TISK, TISK.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG
I HAVE BEEN WAITING?
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
Eddy: NOW WHAT?
I'M NOT SURE I'M THE
RIGHT HEIGHT FOR THIS RIDE.
Ed: CHOO! CHOO!
HA! CREEPY.
Edd: ENTERPRISING.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
WHOA!
WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
MY CLOTHES! THEY'RE
GONE. I'M NAKED!
BARNACLE.
Edd: IT'S A
NIGHTMARE, I TELL YOU.
IS IT VALENTINE'S DAY?
GROSS!
AAH!
IS THAT ME IRONING CLOTHES?
UH!
OH, MY!
LOOK AT THE SOAP
FILM ON THOSE DISHES.
WHO'S THAT GOOD-LOOKING GUY?
GET SOME GLASSES, ED. WHOA!
Ed: GROOVY!
AAHH!
IS THE RIDE OVER?
Edd: OH, DEAR, I
FEAR IT'S JUST BEGUN.
HERE HERE
COME THE BRIDES! ♪
[WOLF WHISTLE]
KANKERS? BRIDES?
THE KANKERS TRICKED US.
IT'S A WEDDING, EDDY!
BUT I CAN'T DANCE, EDDY!
FLOWERS FOR YOUR BRIDE?
HOW SWEET.
PICK UP YOUR GROOMS
AND SPIT OUT YOUR GUM.
HA HA!
AHEM, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY
TO JOIN IN MARRIAGE
THE KANKERS AND THE EDS.
THEY PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR,
AND OBEY OR WE POUND THEM.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!
QUIT SHOWING OFF, LEE!
MAY, GET THE RINGS.
RINGS?
WHAT YOU GOT, A
PIANO TIED TO YOUR LEG?
SODA!
HOLD STILL, MR. MATE.
WITH THIS RING, I DO-DEE WED.
DOO-DEE?
Nazz: WHERE'D MY PUMPKIN GO?
THERE YOU ARE!
WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT I
COOKED YOU FOR SUPPER.
BREATHTAKING.
HA! NO RING FOR ME.
DON'T PLAY DUMB,
YOU HAD YOUR RING ALL ALONG.
MAN, THEY'RE GOOD.
I NOW PRONOUNCE US
HUSBAND AND WIVES!
DO YOU THINK THERE
WILL BE A RECEPTION?
[HORSE WHINNYING]
SLOW DOWN, ED!
GECK, GECK
WAHOO! WE TRAPPED
I HEAR WEDDING BELLS.
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
HEY, PLANK, LOOK!
COOL, WHERE?
CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S THE DORKBUSTERS.
I'D HATE TO SEE THEIR KIDS.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.
Jimmy: HOW ROMANTIC.
SAVE ME SOME CAKE, ED BOYS.
GOOD LUCK RICE
FOR THE NEWLYWEDS.
WEE!
THAT KID'S THROWING STUFF AT US.
HIT HIM WITH THESE.
THE BOUQUET.
IT'S ALL MINE.
JIMMY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
ISN'T LOVE A MANY
SPLENDORED THING, SARAH?
[WHIP CRACKS]
Eds: OW!
AHH COMPLETE.
IN ONLY 14 HOURS AND 7 MINUTES.
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
[THUD]
Eddy: THERE'S A KNOB, ED.
DOUBLE D, ARE YOU
SITTING FOR THIS ONE?
WHEW! [SNORING]
GOOD!
THE BIGGEST CASH
COW EVER TO BE MILKED
IS ON OUR DOORSTEP.
I'M NOT ONE TO GLOAT,
BUT, MAN, AM I GOOD.
I SEE A BIG SIGN OVER
AN OCEAN WORLD:
ED'S SEA RANCH!
IS HE SLEEPING?
THE LEAST YOU COULD
DO IS HUMOR ME, DOUBLE D.
OH, THIS MAY NOT BE
DOUBLE D AT ALL, EDDY,
BUT A CLONE PUT ON
THIS PLANET TO OUCH!
[GASPING]
AAH!
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
COME ON, SOCKHEAD,
I NEED YOU, PAL,
AT SEA WORLD, I TELL YOU.
WHAT A LUMP!
WHY, THANK YOU, EDDY.
HELLO, DOUBLE D.
NOW THAT I GOT YOUR ATTENTION,
I NEED YOU TO FIGURE
OUT THE PLANS FOR
ED'S SEA RANCH!
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
[YAWNING]
[YAWNS]
HEY, GRAB DOUBLE D.
WE GOT WORK TO DO.
RIGHT BEHIND YOU, EDDY.
WHOA!
NO KID CAN RESIS
OTTERS AND DOLPHINS
AND MAYBE A GIANT SHARK EXHIBIT?
HE LIKES THE SHARK EXHIBIT.
WHAT THE LOCATION,
LOCATION, LOCATION.
AAH!
WAKEY, WAKEY, SLEEPY HEAD.
OK, WE GOT A SPOT.
SO, WHAT'S NEXT, DOUBLE D?
[SIGHS] BUILD A PEN TO HOUSE
THE AQUATIC CREATURES.
OH, I GOT ONE!
ALLEY-OOP!
HERE'S YOUR MUSTARD, DOUBLE D.
I DIDN'T ASK HE
ASKED FOR A PEN.
HE ASKED FOR MUSTARD, EDDY.
DO YOU HAVE CORN
IN YOUR EARS, MISTER?
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
OH, LOOK!
DOUBLE D IS PLANNING.
SEA RANCH WATER,
POUNDS PER SQUARE INCH.
CONTAINMENT.
WE'RE GOING TO BE RICH!
YOU CAN BUY A
CHIN, ED, THINK OF IT.
ELEMENTARY.
WOOHOO!
SUPPLIES AND MATERIALS.
WOOHOO HOOHOO!
WHAT WOULD WE DO
WITHOUT YOU, DOUBLE D?
LIVE THE LIFE OF RILEY?
SHUT UP, ED.
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
AHH [SNORING]
Ed: SUPPLIES!
WE GOT EVERYTHING ON THE
LIST, DOUBLE D, NOW WHAT?
WHERE'S DOUBLE D?
LET ME GUESS.
HE'S UNDER THE
SUPPLIES, RIGHT, ED?
YEP.
DID YOU GET IT, EDDY?
WE NEED DOUBLE D, ED.
TO REALIZE MY DREAM
OF ED'S SEA RANCH!
FOUND HIM!
I'M OK.
'CAUSE I'M GOING TO BE RICH.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
WHERE DOES THIS DOOHICKEY GO?
I'll GET THE OTHER STUFF. HA!
I CAN'T READ YOUR PLANS.
WHERE DOES THIS THING GO?
ATTACH IT SPEFICALLY TO
THE COMBARISCHMIGGAM
[MUMBLES]
PARALLEL TO THE CARSEAT.
THANK YOU.
OH!
WOOHOO! THAR SHE BLOWS!
ALL WE NEED NOW
ARE SOME EXHIBITS.
[LAUGHS]
OH, DOUBLE D,
WHERE DO I FIND
SOME SEA CREATURES?
STINKY SEA FISH, DOUBLE D!
TIRED. BED.
SPONGY. SEA.
OF COURSE, THE GREATES
OF ALL CREATURES!
SEABED SPONGES!
WHERE DO YOU GET SPONGES?
OH! OH! OH! ME! ME! ME!
ED AT MY HOUSE.
NO WAY.
NO LIE.
SWEET.
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
PHOTOS WITH THE SEA SPONGE
25 CENTS, DOUBLE D!
YOU GOT A CAMERA, GO GET
WHERE'S DOUBLE D?
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET.
HURRY, ED, WE NEED DOUBLE
HE IS SAWING LOGS,
THE LITTLE DICKENS.
WHAT TOOK YOU?
I READ BOOKS, EDDY.
BACK TO BUSINESS, ED!
WHERE'S THOSE SPONGES?
SHH! THE WALLS HAVE EARS, EDDY.
FOLLOW ME.
OH SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
BED.
NOT IF IT WAS THE
LAST BED ON EARTH.
HUH?
IT'S THE MOTHERLOAD!
I COLLECT SPONGES, EDDY.
DOUBLE D, CHECK THIS OUT!
AAH!
AFTER YOU, DOCTOR.
THANK YOU, NURSE.
AAH!
DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
I'M SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
HMM, A SEVERE CASE OF
EXHAUSTION, DON'T YOU THINK?
I'M THE DOCTOR,
AND I SAY HE'S DEAD.
AHH EEH!
HE'S WORSER THAN I THOUGHT.
LET'S OPERATE.
[IMITATING AMBULANCE SIREN]
DOUBLE D?
DOUBLE D!
Sarah: DOUBLE D?
YE GADS, SHOULDN'
YOU BE WEARING GLOVES?
NO TIME. HIS BRAIN'S BROKEN.
HOLY SMOKE! BRAIN SURGERY!
COME ON, NURSE, MOVE IT!
EEE GLUE!
MALLET!
FASTER!
NOW, LET'S FIX THAT BRAIN.
HUH? AAH!
WE FOUND HIM FIRST!
TAKE A HIKE!
HIS BRAIN BELONGS TO US.
I'll KNOCK TWO POINTS
OFF YOUR DORK RATING.
IF YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S
UP WITH MY BIKE CHAIN.
[SNORING]
LIBERALLY APPLY TOOTHPASTE
FOR CLEANER, BRIGHTER TEETH.
TOOTHPASTE! RADICAL.
HMM HEEY! AAH!
LOOK, ED BOY! LOBSTERS, LOOK!
AM I CRAZY? ROLF'S
GARDEN HAS BEEN CURSED!
DO YOU SEE IT?
A FOUNTAIN, LOOK!
A CURE FOR ROLF'S CURSE, ED BOY?
HOT WAX FOR MORE
MANAGEABLE FOLLICLES.
AH, YES!
THE WAX.
SIMPLE, YES? THANK YOU!
AYE!
SCOURGE OF THE
SEA, RELEASE ROLF!
NANA, FIND THE PLIERS!
SLEEPY, SLEEPY, SLEEPY.
BE BRAVE, PLANK.
DOUBLE D WILL HELP.
DOUBLE D, CAN YOU HELP US?
IT'S A LITTLE EMBARRASSING.
UM, PLANK'S GOT THIS GROWTH.
IS IT SERIOUS?
HA! HA! HA!
[LAUGHING]
HA!
DOUBLE D WAS LAUGHING
WITH YOU, NOT AT YOU, PLANK.
ONE DOUBLE D, HOLD THE ONIONS.
GIVE ME HIM!
WE GOT TO FINISH
OUR SEA RA WHOA!
THIS DORK OWES ME A BIKE CHAIN.
HE'S MY DORK! LET GO!
[GRUNTING]
LOOK, JIMMY, OUR PATIENT.
I WANT TO TAKE HIS TEMPERATURE.
LEAVE DOUBLE D ALONE!
HE'S OURS!
Sarah: HE'S SICK! GIVE ME HIM!
ED BOY, A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME.
OW! EEH!
NEVER USE HOT WAX TO
SOOTHE ENRAGED LOBSTERS.
THANK YOU.
NANA! HOT WATER, BOILING
ROLF'S WEIRD, HUH, PLANK?
UH-OH, TROUBLE!
SOMETHING'S DOWN THE CREAK,
CAUSING IT TO FLOOD THE CUL-DE-SAC?
DO YOU THINK SO?
A LITTLE WET, BUT I'M
OK, THANKS TO YOU.
HOLY COW!
AH! AH!
SEA RANCH! I AM NEPTUNE
[SONAR PINGING]
[ROOSTER CROWS]
HEH, HOW LONG HAVE
WE BEEN ADRIFT, JONNY?
PLANK SAYS, "BEATS ME!"
ROLF'S PREMATURE
FACIAL HAIR BURDENS HIM.
MY TUMMY'S CRAMPING. I'M SO HUNGRY,
I'D EVEN EAT PROCESSED CHEESE.
ROLF'S BELLY WOULD
LIKE FOOD, TOO.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
HOW YOU HOLDING UP, ROLF?
IF WE DO NOT FIND DRY LAND SOON,
I WILL HAVE TO FEAST UPON
YOUR SUCCULENT NOGGIN.
OK
LET'S GO CHECK THE
FISHING NET, PLANK.
YEAH! OH!
QUICK, JONNY, GET THE STAKE!
Ed: AHOY!
IT IS I, NEPTUNE.
HE'S A NATURAL.
ED COULD BE THE STAR
ATTRACTION FOR ED'S SEA RANCH.
PERSISTENT, AREN'T WE?
KING OF THE SEA!
HA! HA! HA!
Rolf: DID YOU FIND
THE STAKE, JONNY?
ED, EDD N' EDDY!