Firefly Lane (2021) s02e09 Episode Script

1
I hate all of my clothes.
God, why'd you let me buy
this hideous sweater?
That's my sweater.
Oh. So cute.
Why does it even matter?
Just go with an empty suitcase
and buy all your clothes in France!
I'm unemployed.
I can barely afford a baguette.
Yeah, but doesn't Theo come from money?
Isn't he like a duke or something?
- I think his grandfather's an earl.
- What's the difference?
I don't know,
but I won't ask him to buy me clothes.
- It's enough he's taking me to Europe.
- Mmm.
Two whole months of hot continental sex
with that sweet little British crumpet.
Oh! I gotta admit, I'm sort of jealous.
Did I tell you, after Paris and Greece,
we're going to his family estate
in the English countryside?
You did, you lucky bitch.
I am a lucky bitch, Tul.
Theo is so handsome, and he's sweet,
and he's giving and amazing!
And we want all of the same things.
It's like what Mary Poppins once said
"He's practically perfect in every way."
Uh-huh. Okay.
What are you covering up
with this perfect nonsense?
I said practically perfect.
Does his thingy not work?
Is it bent?
Because, you know,
bent can be good sometimes.
From the right angle.
- His thingy's not bent.
- Ah, I see.
You see what?
Theo is boring in bed.
What?
No, he is not!
I mean, he is so gentle and attentive
and very interested in my satisfaction.
- But?
- But nothing!
Theo is a very sweet
and generous and respectful lover.
But?
But
maybe
sometimes
A girl just wants to get pounded.
In a respectful way!
Of course! Always respectful.
But aren't you guys going
to a nude beach in Greece?
I mean, that's pretty saucy.
That ought to wind up ol' Big Ben.
Yeah, except I'll be the palest one there.
Admit it, I look like a ghost.
You just need a base tan.
Ooh!
You can use my tanning lamp.
Wait, is that thing even safe?
Would they sell it
if it's not safe?
Okay, shirt off, face down on the bed.
Um
Okay, uh, bra off, buns out.
You don't want any tan lines.
One last thing.
Yeah.
What're you doing?
I am leaving a sexy surprise for Theo
and making a heart out of sunscreen.
- On your bum!
- Aw, cute!
Okay. Enjoy.
- Happy Thanksgiving, boys.
- Hey.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Wow, something smells delicious.
Hey, fellas. William, get in here!
Sit, grab a beer.
- You missed the first quarter.
- Thanks, Bud.
All right, well, where are we at?
It's a blow-out.
We're walking all over these guys.
Seems like Bud's
really taken a shine to William.
He keeps asking me
when we're gonna move in together.
It's like, "Whoa, slow down there, Dad."
I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.
I think it's pretty sweet.
Did Sean tell you? I joined P-Flag.
I met a lovely woman there.
Her daughter's a lesbian.
We're going to march
in the Pride Parade together.
Oh yeah. Mom is very into P-Flag.
- Don't make fun of me.
- I'm not.
Whoa, Mom, where'd you get the Baccarat?
Pretty swanky.
Tully gave it to us
for our anniversary last year.
It's vintage.
From the year we were married.
Her assistant did always pick out
the most thoughtful gifts.
I'll just put it away.
No, don't be silly. It's fine.
So you hear from her at all lately or
No.
Oh, did I tell you that Johnny
got an advance to write another book?
Yes, you did.
It's interviews
with soldiers and journalists
who've been in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I know. No, it's great.
Speaking of writing,
I signed up for a creative writing class.
Oh yeah?
- Yeah, I had a few ideas for a novel.
- Okay.
Don't write about me.
I did the best I could.
Mmm!
Behold!
My Thanksgiving table!
Every morsel made by me.
Martha Stewart can suck it.
Aw, leave the poor woman alone.
She's in jail.
- Mmm.
- Hmm.
I guess we're a lot alike, Martha and me.
You know, I interviewed her
a bunch of times.
She's actually very nice.
- Very smart.
- Mmm, she seems like good people.
Mmm. Anyway
Here goes everything.
- Oh, uh
- Oh.
Why is it so
I don't know.
It's, like, cooked on the outside
but raw on the inside.
Yeah.
Why, turkey?
What happened?
I mean, you just
you just stick it in the oven.
Any idiot can do it.
Well, not any idiot.
That is not funny.
It's for the best.
How is it for the best?
Because when pilgrims
burned witches at the stake,
they always cooked a turkey in the fire
because they believed
that it kept the evil spirits away.
And that, right there,
is the true origin of Thanksgiving.
Seriously?
No, Tallulah.
God.
- Please order a pizza.
- Okay.
I'm coming, Danny. Keep your pants on!
Trouble you for a little sugar, neighbor?
Really?
I hate that you live in my building.
You look nice.
This is a crime scene.
You murdered Thanksgiving.
Here is your cup of sugar. Now please go.
Okay.
You've seen through my ruse.
I don't actually need sugar.
Celeste's entire family
is over at my place, and I need a break.
Well, this is not your man cave.
So, nut up and face your in-laws.
Uh-uh! They're not my in-laws.
What the hell is that?
I mean, it looks like sweet potato,
but it tastes like a wet possum.
- It is bread pudding.
- Ugh!
Will you please leave?
Mmm.
- Hello, Sports-Dan.
- Hello!
I was gonna read Tully's tarot
while we wait for pizza.
Probably have some time for you.
Ooh, I'm in!
You guys got any coffee?
Here you go.
- Anyone want coffee?
- They're all on a walk.
Bud's asleep,
and I am never eating turkey again.
- But it was so good.
- Mmm.
The potatoes were lumpy,
but, mmm, they taste like home.
I love this place, you know?
Every time I'm here,
I think about that night, you and me.
Which night?
Sean's wedding?
When you were obsessing over Tully,
and I told you
to get your head out of your ass?
You know which night.
Dad's heart attack.
You brought me here, I tried to kiss you,
and you rejected me.
I was just being a gentleman.
I know.
And later on,
I went and knocked on your bedroom door.
Mm-hmm.
- Had my way with you.
- You did.
That was our first time.
My actual first time.
Definitely not your first time.
My first time with someone I loved.
I was checking out the old barn earlier.
Could be a great place.
For what?
Another wedding.
For who?
Sean and William?
You and me, Mularkey.
Don't you think
it's time we made it official?
We've talked about this.
Our first marriage did not work out.
Yes, it did.
Look at us. We're happy!
Yeah, exactly!
Things are going really well.
I don't want to mess it up.
How would that mess it up?
People get married,
and then they get comfortable,
and then take each other for granted.
Well, we wouldn't do that.
Besides, don't you think Marah
would be so psyched
if we got married? Again?
Sure.
And then she'd be twice as traumatized
when we got divorced.
Again.
Half as traumatized.
- It's easier the second time.
- It's not funny.
It was hell for all of us the first time.
Well, we just
wouldn't get divorced this time.
Doesn't it mean more
if we just choose each other every day
because we want to,
not because we're compelled to by law?
You sound like me in 1985.
Yeah, 1985 Johnny had a point.
1985 Johnny was a fool.
2004 Johnny's starting to sound
a little bit foolish.
The ink's not even dry
on our divorce papers.
We're still paying the lawyers,
and Marah will be off to college
before we know it.
Another wedding at this point seems so
Are you sure it isn't
at least somewhat because you don't want
to get married without Tully there?
I like the way things are.
We're happy.
I don't wanna mess with it.
Okay.
I hear that. You got a good head
on your shoulders, Mularkey.
Ooh.
Hey, Dad, you want coffee?
I made you some. It's almost time for pie.
Hey! Dad.
You told me not to let
Dad?
Dad?
Dad!
Oh my God! Johnny!
When I am laid ♪
Am laid in earth ♪
You have a lot of nerve showing up here.
Don't you think you've punished me enough?
It's Bud's funeral.
No trouble in thy breast ♪
When I am laid ♪
Am laid in earth ♪
Ladies rooms create no trouble ♪
No trouble in thy breast ♪
Remember me ♪
Remember me ♪
Oh! ♪
Remember me ♪
Oh! ♪
Remember me ♪
Ooh ♪
Forget my fate ♪
- This is your best work ever.
- I don't know.
Who frames their own painting
and hangs it on their own wall?
Great artists. That's who.
You think here?
- Yeah. That works.
- Cool.
Put it, like, right here.
- Oh, um, shit!
- Oh my God!
What are we gonna do?
Girls, what the hell
are you two doing in there?
- Nothing!
- Uh
- We're just hanging out!
- Nothing! We're just hanging out!
You don't have to hide your crimes
from me, girls.
Don't worry.
Everything happens for a reason.
Come on. Bop!
Evil grows in the dark ♪
Cloud! What are you doing?
I always hated this wall.
- Stifled the flow!
- Don't
Hey, there.
- Hey.
- Barely seen you all day.
I know, I miss you.
Me too.
I think Bud would've been
really pleased with that service.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take this out to the other room.
Thanks, hon.
You okay?
Yeah, totally.
Thanks for dealing with
the whole church setup today
and everything else that you did.
Of course.
Come here.
I'm sorry about
Tully showing up like that.
It's okay.
Should have known that
she'd try to just make it all about her.
Well, I think she's just trying to
What?
Trying to what?
Well, I know Bud
was like a father to her, so
Are you being serious right now?
What? I'm just saying.
I'm so tired of it.
I'm so sick of all of it.
Everywhere I look, she's there.
I had a dentist appointment last week,
and I had to update a form,
and she's still my emergency contact.
You know, I always hated
that you put her instead of me.
Sorry. I had to go through
this whole thing to change it,
and I got so annoyed, and I
I miss her.
I think about calling her sometimes.
All the time.
But I can't.
You know what I need?
I need a new friend.
One without the 30 years of baggage
that Tully and I are dragging between us.
That sounds like a nice idea.
In the meantime,
I hope I can be your emergency contact.
You know you are.
I love you, Mularkey.
I love you too.
Come on.
You all packed? I gotta hop in the shower.
I've got that photo shoot
for the new billboard today! Exciting!
- What's wrong?
- Fell asleep under that stupid lamp.
It was so warm and comfortable,
and I think I burnt my butt.
Well, did you look?
No, I'm too scared.
Can you check it for me?
How's it look?
Oh my God. How bad is it?
Well
The good news is the little
heart-shaped thing worked great.
Oh my God, I thought you said
that crazy lamp was safe.
It is if you use it properly.
Why'd you let me fall asleep?
- Let you?
- What am I supposed to do?
I can't sit on an airplane for 12 hours.
My ass is on fire.
Okay, settle down. I've got an aloe plant.
First you gotta ice it, though.
Oh my God. Why?
Ow.
What, seriously?
All the sugar, twice the caffeine,
give your cheeks a little jolt.
- It's not funny.
- Just rub it on your butt.
And then after you can drink it.
Ew.
Oh God, so cold, so cold,
so cold, so cold, so cold, so cold,
but so good.
So cold, so cold, but so good.
Okay, I just gotta
Keep doing that while I shower.
Then we'll break out the aloe plant
and slather it all over that ass.
Okay, thanks, Tul.
Please.
Like Dionne Warwick once said,
"That's what friends are for."
Okay.
Four, three, two, one.
- Happy New Year!
- I would've given you all of my heart ♪
But there's someone ♪
Who's torn it apart ♪
And he's taking just all that I had ♪
But if you want
I'll try to love again ♪
Baby, I'll try to love again
But I know ♪
The first cut is the deepest ♪
Baby ♪
Thank you so much.
The first cut is the deepest ♪
But when it comes to being lucky
He's cursed ♪
When it comes to lovin' me
He's worst ♪
I still want you by my side ♪
Just to help me dry
The tears that I've cried ♪
And I'm sure gonna give you a try ♪
If you want, I'll try to love again ♪
Try ♪
Baby, I'll try to love again
But I know ♪
Oh! ♪
The first cut is the deepest ♪
Baby, I know ♪
The first cut is the deepest ♪
But when it comes to being lucky
He's cursed ♪
And when it comes to lovin' me ♪
I still want you by my side ♪
What?
Just to help me dry ♪
No.
The tears that I've cried ♪
But I'm sure gonna give you a try ♪
'Cause if you want
I'll try to love again ♪
Try to love again ♪
Baby, I'll try to love again
But I know ♪
Oh! ♪
The first cut is the deepest ♪
Baby, I know
The first cut is the deepest ♪
But when it comes to being lucky
He's cursed ♪
And when it comes to lovin' me
He's worst ♪
Oh! ♪
The first cut is the deepest ♪
Baby, I know ♪
I'm home!
Whoo!
Hello?
What do you mean, parole?
Okay, I'm not on parole, man. Jesus
Hello?
Oh, greetings, Your Honor.
Sorry about that, I was
Oh, like, three o'clock? Uh
Uh, yeah, sorry. No, that's no problem.
We'll see you then. Bye.
Cloud. Cloud.
You need to get up right now. Get up.
Your parole officer's on the way. Please!
Okay, wait.
Are you serious?
Oh my God.
Okay!
Okay! Party is over!
It's time to go! Guys, I'm not
I'm not kidding!
Cloud's parole officer
is on the way right now.
- Did you just
- Jesus
All right. I want chores done
before dinner tonight, okay? Checklist?
- Uh, g
- Whoa!
Tully! Everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine, Mrs. Mularkey.
I just, um I just need to talk to Kate
about a school
assignment
for class.
She's helping me with groceries,
and then she has chores.
- Mom.
- So, she will call you later.
Okay. Sure.
All right, fine,
you can do chores later.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh my God, I'm having a total freak out.
Emergency is a code blue or red or yellow?
- I don't know what color, but I need you.
- Okay, Tully, just mellow. Okay?
What is it?
Cloud's parole officer's coming now.
If I don't wake her
and get her friends out,
then I'm gonna have to go back to Gran's.
- Shit!
- Yeah.
- We should, uh
- Go?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Is anyone else hungry?
Guess we just gotta clear everyone out
and start cleaning.
I tried. They won't listen. You know,
one of them threw an ashtray at my head!
Know what? Don't worry.
- Move it.
- Hey.
Everyone!
There's an officer of the law
on his way here right now,
so unless you want to go to jail,
get the fuck out!
- Sister!
- Where did that come from?
I don't know, but it felt good.
Yeah, come on.
- Okay, let's go.
- Okay, go!
Pick up the pace, buddy.
- Thank you. Come on, dear.
- Out! Yep. Go, go.
Pardon.
Just take the whole ashtray.
I don't give a fuck.
- Thank you for coming.
- Cloud, you have to get up now.
Your parole officer's
gonna be here in one hour! Okay?
Ple Ugh, what do we do?
Uh, I'm gonna go put on some coffee,
and then we'll just, um
we'll just clean around them?
Okay.
- Tallulah Rose, you pulled it off.
- Yes, better than Martha Stewart.
Thank you, Cloud and Celeste and Danny.
And I want to thank
each and every one of you
for trudging all the way to the boonies
to celebrate Thanksgiving with me.
Happy to be here.
Also, good call ordering this time.
Just gonna Real quick, I'm gonna tell
the hazmat team to stand down.
- Oh my God, Danny!
- What?
You know, Sporty Dan,
she didn't order this.
She cooked it all from scratch.
You fixed up this place
and you became a Master Chef in a year?
Are you trying to snag
your own reality show, Tully?
I'd watch that.
No. No, no. This was just
something I had to do for myself.
Well, the house looks amazing.
Are you gonna rent it? Flip it?
Actually
I was gonna gift it.
You're giving me a house?
- I can't.
- You don't have to live in it.
You can sell it if you want.
And I know,
you don't want anything from me.
But don't forget, last time I tried
to give you a car and you refused it,
my entire life went to shit.
I got arrested.
I lost my best friend.
So you kind of have to say yes.
Yes, Tully.
- Thank you.
- Oh my God.
That's so sweet.
I'd like to propose a toast.
I know Thanksgiving isn't the same
this year without Bud.
For starters, he was the only one
who knew how to properly carve a turkey.
It's hard to give thanks
in the midst of such great loss.
But I find myself feeling grateful anyway,
that I got to know him as I did.
He was one of a kind.
To Bud.
To Bud.
Thank you. That was beautiful.
It's been a, um, difficult year.
But you all have made it that much easier.
- Yeah. We love you, Mom.
- Of course, Mom.
I've been thinking
how fleeting it all is, this life.
- Mmm.
- Yeah. You're right.
Which got me wondering,
when are you two gonna tie the knot?
- Whoa, Mom, let's not
- There it is.
Yeah, Grandma.
Let's focus on what's important here.
Time is fleeting.
And I think it's time to get me a car.
Oh! No.
- That's not happening.
- Is it?
Seriously though, when are you guys
going to make it official again?
Hey, I keep asking. She keeps saying no.
What?
Let's talk about when Sean and William
are gonna make it official.
Um
- Not legal, so
- Yet.
- Yes.
- Not legal yet.
We could all fly to Massachusetts.
I'm down for that.
- Yeah.
- I'm down.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Let's go!
So, Tully's been fixing up
the house across the street.
I ran into her the other day.
We were chatting for a few minutes.
She was in a hurry,
but she seems to be doing well.
Oh, that's great. Good for her.
So, Marah, what theoretical kind of whip
would you be trying to talk us into here?
I'm so glad you asked
because I have a list of pros and cons.
There are no cons. I look cool driving.
- Wow.
- All my friends can't drive.
Celeste says
that I can't have any more pie
because I'm an old man
who has to watch his cholesterol,
blah, blah, blah.
- Smart lady.
- Yeah.
You got a good one there.
Yeah. She is a good one.
So, you, uh, dating anyone?
Um,
I'm sort of
dating myself
for a while.
I have to say, I am a moody,
high-maintenance girlfriend.
No, as your former boyfriend,
I happen to disagree.
- You were never my boyfriend.
- The hell I wasn't!
- We dated for, like, five minutes.
- We dated for at least ten.
And it was a four-way relationship
between you, me, and both our careers.
Speaking of which,
I think it's time for you
to get back out there. Work-wise.
The world needs Tully Hart.
I think the world
has had enough of Tully Hart.
Look, I hate to bruise your ego, Tully,
but nobody cares about your scandals!
The gossip industrial complex
has moved on.
- Hmm.
- You want to play that game?
The sex tape
is the scandal baseline nowadays.
I mean, I'm not offering.
I did just get a new camcorder, though,
which I am
Okay, all right, all right.
Look, I just think you might want to meet
this friend of mine.
He's a Professor at U-Dub.
He's shooting
a global warming documentary.
Now, his financing stalled,
but if he can get a celebrity on board,
it's back on.
Now, it might involve
some rough conditions,
but you're a tough-as-nails journalist
from back in the day.
- There's nothing you can't handle.
- Hmm.
It's really important work.
And who knows?
He might even end up naming it
"Tully Hart Saves The World."
Don't even try it with the flattery.
Though it is an intriguing idea.
I mean, I would love saving the planet.
Okay. Here is that.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Your mother will kill us if she finds out
we swiped your grandmother's quilt.
Well, if that's the only crime
we've committed, so be it.
Why are you magical elves
covering my beautiful hole?
Oh no, we only have 12 minutes left.
Okay, we've got to get Leon
out of here now.
Cool. Okay.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go throw up.
- Okay, well, can you also take a shower?
- Whoa! Yep.
You smell like moldy bong water.
And put on a bra!
Leon! Come on, buddy, time to go.
Party's over. Cops are coming.
Come on, Leon!
You are not going to be the reason
that Cloud goes back to jail, okay?
Come on!
- Oh my God. I think he's dead!
- He's not dead.
Well
Yeah, he he might be dead.
Oh! Oh, great!
Okay, he's dead.
He's dead. He's fucking dead.
Fucking Leon fucking OD'd, and now
he's fucking dead on our fucking couch!
I'm not just going to Gran's.
I'm actually going to jail.
We are all fucking going to jail!
All right. We have to stash his body.
That's our only option here.
What? Are you serious? Where?
Um, we have to stash his body
Oh, oh! We'll put him upstairs.
We'll We'll shove him in a closet.
Have you done this before?
How are you so good at it?
Read a lot of murder books.
Of course, in those books,
they never get away with it.
Oh my God, we didn't murder him!
We're just hiding his body.
It's totally different.
- It's totally different.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Um
- Oh my God.
- We gotta get him off the couch. Okay.
- Okay.
- One, two, three.
- Two, three!
- Okay, yeah, keep going.
- Uh, okay. Um
This way.
- Okay, right and pull!
- This way. Yep, and go!
We have to flip him so his face
doesn't get caught on the stairs.
- Ready?
- Yep. Okay.
- I'll get this side.
- Ready?
- Go!
- One, two, three Okay.
- Oh God, sorry.
- It's okay.
Okay, there's no way
we're gonna make it all the way.
- Okay, I have another idea. Let's go down.
- Okay.
Ah! God!
- You grab a leg. Pull. Set?
- Okay.
- Go! Oh!
- Go! Oh!
Pull him this way.
- Let's put him in the bathroom.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Come on!
- I had to pee so bad during class.
- Me too.
Don't remember it being that hard
to hold it when I was a college student.
That's because you were 19
and you hadn't birthed a baby yet.
Good point. God, I've never felt
as middle-aged as being 45 years old
on a college campus.
- I mean, even the professors are babies.
- I know.
It's like, is it hot in here,
or am I in the fast lane to menopause?
I choose to believe it's hot.
Oh! And yesterday yesterday,
I pulled out this thick, wiry chin hair
that was, like, three inches long!
I mean, it grew out of nowhere.
It's like a second puberty.
I know, right? It's like
Do your nipples ever get itchy?
Because I've got this one
that's, like, so red and itchy,
and I don't know if it's a spider bite
or maybe, like, a rash,
or, I don't know, some hormonal thing,
but I've been putting lotion on it and I
- Here, let me I'll just show you. It's
- Oh my God, Kate, TMI!
- I don't want to look at your boobs.
- Sorry, that was weird. I just had a
I didn't know if it was common or
Whoops.
Let me see that booty.
Ooh! Starting to blister.
Ugh, I'm so screwed.
No, you'll be all right.
Just put another cold pop on it,
and in a few days, it'll start to peel
and then be good as new.
I gotta get dressed for my photo shoot.
Mmm.
Ah!
Oh, that's cold!
Ow, ow.
Mularkey
Johnny! Hi.
- Everything okay there, Mularkey?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, come on in.
I was just, um, havin' a soda.
Oh.
Oh.
Glad I got you before you left.
So, what's going on?
Oh, uh, well, I'm planning
this rock climbing trip,
and I I thought of you
because I needed to fill in
my emergency contact on the form,
and I started writing
your name before realizing
you're not my emergency contact anymore.
- Uh, so I changed it to Mutt.
- Oh.
Anyway, emergency contact made me think
about how you don't like to wear contacts
because they they irritate your eyes,
but your glasses always get smudged.
And I don't know if Europe has the wipes
that you like, um, for your glasses.
So, yeah.
So I just I I brought you some.
Oh.
That was so thoughtful.
Yeah, well, I just I just want
you to be able to see everything.
Hope Theo takes good care of you.
I mean, I'm sure he will.
He seems like a good guy.
Glad you found yourself
a good guy, Mularkey.
You deserve it.
Thanks.
Have a
lovely trip.
I can't believe it's over.
I know. Only one class left,
and I've barely written three chapters.
I'm thinking of maybe applying
for the advanced workshop next semester.
Me too!
I will if you will.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Great! Okay.
- Okay.
I just have no idea what I would submit.
Well
Kate?
Are you Are you all right?
What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
I just saw somebody
that I thought I might've known.
Wait, you mean Tully Hart?
I'm freaking out.
That was definitely her.
I wonder what she's doing on campus?
Thank you so much, Henry.
We really appreciate you.
You're very welcome.
When I mentioned your name
to the financiers, they flipped.
You're exactly the kind of talent
they were hoping to make this
subject accessible to lay people.
Wow. That's exciting.
Right?
Tully. Right?
- Yes. It is.
- Yeah.
Very exciting.
I should mention, we'll be required to
isolate at a remote facility in Antarctica
for several months.
Sounds great.
I'm in.
I got to say,
I was surprised you said yes so quickly.
Really. Why?
Well, because most people
would take a second
to think before they agree to go
to Antarctica for several months.
Not me. I follow my gut.
Right.
And it wouldn't have anything
to do with what happened back there.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Come on, Tul. I saw her too.
That had to be intense.
It's fine.
I don't even care.
I'm glad she has a new friend.
I'm happy for her.
I am, it's great.
Okay, come here.
- You wanna hear something sad?
- Hmm?
You're my only friend, Danny.
And I don't know if I even like you.
Oh, you like me.
We like each other.
Probably too much.
But I am still your friend,
and I'm here for you always.
Danny! Tully!
Oh my God. Are you crying?
Is everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- We just had, uh, that meeting
About global warming.
- Yeah.
- It's emotional.
I know.
The rainforest, the whales
- Yeah, um, I'll ride down with you, babe.
- See ya.
- Hey. How are you?
- Hi! I'm good.
I gotta get to my photo shoot,
but your cab's honking.
Kate?
Do you think Johnny gave me
these glasses wipes as a message?
I don't know.
He said he wanted me
to be able to see clearly.
You think that's what he wants me to see?
That I'm supposed to be with him?
Babe, your cab is driving away.
Do you think that's a sign
that that I shouldn't go to Europe?
I think
that it's really none of my business.
Tully, come on!
I need your help right now.
Do you think
that he's still in love with me?
- You really want to know what I think?
- Yes!
Then, yes, I do.
I do think he is still in love with you.
- Oh my God.
- But
- But what?
- I also think it's a dead end.
And I hate saying that
because I love the guy,
and I love you two together.
But he can't give you what you need.
Maybe someday,
but he's not ready now.
If he was,
you wouldn't be guessing,
and he would do better
than some crappy glasses wipes.
He would show up
and declare himself to you.
In the meantime,
don't wait for him to figure his shit out.
Right now you've got
a great guy named Theo,
who wants to take you to Paris.
Is he your forever guy?
You don't need to know that yet.
Just go to Europe.
Have the best time.
Life's too short not to.
Shit.
- Or maybe I'm wrong.
- No, no, no, you're totally right.
Am I? I don't know.
I'm really terrible with relationships.
It's true. Johnny's yesterday,
Theo's today. I gotta get to Europe.
I I did not scorch
these butt cheeks for nothing.
That's the spirit!
And don't forget,
absence makes the heart grow fonder.
That's the problem,
my heart's already too fond of Johnny.
I meant your heart
would grow fonder of me, bitch.
Yeah. Hi. Can I get a taxi to the airport?
Oh no, no, no, I need one right now, like
I'm such a fucking idiot.
No, God, not you!
Sir, no, I'm so sorry, no, no,
that was about me, I, um
Hello? Hello?
- Shit.
- Okay. Let's go.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm taking you to the airport.
You have a photo shoot for a billboard,
your face looming above Seattle.
- So I'll be a little late.
- Yeah, two hours late.
Babe, this is an emergency.
I am your emergency contact.
Now, let's go.
Thank you, Tul.
What would I do without you?
This is way better
than the bathroom.
He's not gonna ask to use
your tiny cupboard under the stairs.
Okay, here.
Did something just crack?
Sorry, Leon.
- Okay.
- Okay, cool.
Okay. Okay.
Just be cool.
Do not think
about the dead body under the stairs.
- Okay. That sounds doable.
- Okay.
Come on in, Your Honor.
I'm not a judge.
- Right.
- I'm Parole Officer Johnson.
Is Dorothy home?
Uh, well, she just might not be home yet.
Because today
- This day, she
- she usually, uh, volunteers.
- Yeah. At, um, the
- She volunteers today.
- At the hospital she volunteers.
- At the hospital for sick babies.
Oh, hello!
You must be Parole Officer Johnson.
Would you like to join me in the kitchen
for a chat? Care for a cup of coffee?
- Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
Good job. Looks perfect.
I was just thinking this would be a really
romantic moment for a wedding proposal.
You up a ladder, me basically on my knee.
Are we doing this again?
No.
Just saying,
if someone were to propose
in a moment like this,
they might say something like,
Kate Mularkey,
you are the only person
I want to hang Christmas lights with.
And you're the only person I've ever
wanted to hang Christmas lights with.
I know it hasn't always
been the easiest road.
And we don't know
what the future will bring, but
one thing's clear to me.
There's no one in the world I'd rather
face that uncertainty with than you.
You are my partner.
My love.
My emergency contact.
And that's why I'm asking you
to be my wife.
Now,
forever,
always.
Or something like that. I don't know.
Wow.
It's too bad you're not proposing.
I know.
It would've been a pretty good speech.
Yeah, a girl would have a hard time
saying no to a proposal like that.
- Don't tease me, Mularkey.
- You're the one who's teasing.
All right.
No more teasing.
Wait, Johnny
I've been carrying this around
a long time.
Waiting for the perfect moment.
So, what do you say?
Kathleen Scarlet Mularkey,
will you marry me?
Again?
Oh!
Fuck it!
- Is that a yes?
- Yes, it's a yes.
- That's a yes!
- Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh my God.
- I can't believe that worked!
- Yeah, believe it!
- Ugh! Stop.
- We did it!
Maybe we should consider
a life of crime?
You guys will have plenty of chances
because we're gonna have to
do this every month
when Officer Happy comes back-y.
I am gonna go get high as a kite.
She's never gonna be my mom, is she?
She's never gonna take care of me.
It's okay.
We'll take care of each other.
Jesus, Mularkey, you helped me move
a dead body without even hesitating!
- Well, I had to. It was an emergency.
- Right.
What are we gonna do with Leon?
Good question.
Oh my God.
Oh.
I'm hungry.
You still got some of those HoHo's?
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- We got a lot of HoHo's!
- Lots of HoHo's! Oh my God!
He's not dead! We're not going to jail!
- I forgot how much I love engagement sex.
- Hmm.
What do you say we go another round?
- Marah will be home soon.
- Oh.
Good point.
I'm gonna hit the shower, then.
My fiancée.
Hello?
OMG, bitch, you're never gonna believe
what just happened.
Did you just call me bitch?
Who the hell is this?
Oh, it's, um
It's Kate Mularkey.
- From writing class.
- Oh.
Sorry. I don't have
caller ID on this phone.
What's going on, Kate?
Um
Well, something big just happened.
Oh? I'm intrigued. What is it?
Johnny and I just got engaged.
Huh? I I thought you guys were married.
Oh, we were, but then we got divorced,
then we got back together,
and I just did not want
to get married again right away.
And then I just said, fuck it.
Okay, that's nice
Well, I'm just working
on that short story for class.
So
Oh, yeah, no, I'm
So much to get done too, so
See you in class?
Yeah, um
You know it.
Howdy, neighbor.
I got you a little something.
Cutting-edge technology,
heated for super cold weather.
- Here you go.
- Wow, that's real nice of you, Sports Man.
I'm really happy for you.
But I'm gonna miss you.
Is that okay to say?
Sure, why wouldn't it be?
Uh, by the way, if I die in the tundra,
you will be the first to know.
Oh yeah? Why's that?
You're my emergency contact, buddy.
I'm honored.
I've never been
someone's emergency contact before.
So. I should get back.
- Uh, Celeste and I are going to dinner.
- Yeah, I gotta finish packing.
Yeah.
Have a nice trip, Tallulah Rose.
I'll be thinking about ya.
You will?
Yeah.
I usually do.
Mularkey! Mularkey!
Mularkey!
Mularkey!
I fucked it up. Okay?
Those glasses wipes were bullshit.
Please, you're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
I'm sorry it took me so long
to work that out.
Mularkey! Oh, Mularkey!
Please don't go.
- I love you!
- Come up to meet you ♪
Tell you I'm sorry ♪
You don't know how lovely you are ♪
I had to find you, tell you I need you ♪
Tell you I set you apart ♪
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions ♪
Oh, let's go back to the start ♪
Running in circles ♪
I wish I had better news.
The rash on your breast is actually
a rare and very aggressive form of cancer
known as inflammatory breast cancer,
stage 3.
You need to start treatment right away.
Kate?
It's such a shame for us to part ♪
Nobody said it was easy ♪
No one ever said it would be this hard ♪
Oh, take me back to the start ♪
Whoo-hoo!
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures ♪
Pulling the puzzles apart ♪
Questions of science
Science and progress ♪
Do not speak as loud as my heart ♪
But tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me ♪
Oh and I rush to the start ♪
Running in circles ♪
Chasing our tails ♪
Coming back as we are ♪
Nobody said it was easy ♪
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part ♪
Nobody said it was easy ♪
No one ever said it would be so hard ♪
I'm going back to the start ♪
Tul?
Tully?
Tul?
Tully?
Tul, are you there?
Tully?