Fuller House (2016) s02e09 Episode Script

1 La, la la la la la Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy The evening TV Everywhere you look Everywhere you go There's a heart, a hand to hold onto Everywhere you look Everywhere you go There's a face Of somebody who needs you Everywhere you look Yeah When you're lost out there And you're all alone A light is waiting to carry you home Everywhere you look La, la la la la la Ooh That's good.
That's so good! That's not so good.
Yes, Jimmy, yes.
I will call you as soon as I get to L.
A.
All right.
Have fun photographing those baby pandas.
Bring one home for me.
No.
No, no, no I'm joking.
Oh, Jimmy, no.
It's illegal.
No Hello? Oh, he's totally bringing me back a panda.
So how excited are you to sing "The Boy Next Door" on Dad's morning show? To be honest, I'm totally freaking out.
Perhaps I should have performed in public at least once before I sing live on national TV.
Well, the way I see it, this could go one of two ways.
This could either make your dream of becoming a singer/songwriter come true, or the opposite.
You mean, it could end my music career before it even starts? Well, I was trying to leave it vague, but yeah.
Well, what about you? Are you psyched for your first weekend away with Matt? I'm a little nervous.
Matt and I have only been dating a month and I wonder if we're moving too fast.
Well, the way I see it, this could go one of two ways.
This trip could be the beginning of a beautiful life together.
Or the opposite.
You mean, it could end our relationship before it even gets started? Well, I was trying to leave it vague, but You know, we really need to work on our pep talks.
I'm ready for Hollywood! America needs to meet the genius behind your viral video.
My dad told you, you absolutely cannot be on Wake Up USA.
That's just his way of saying, "Kimmy, I really want you on the show.
" I'm all packed! But I cannot find my, how do you say, banana hammock? Never mind, I'm wearing it.
I really hope I get to visit the set of the greatest show in TV history.
Police Mom.
"Tough as nails at work, lays down the law at home.
" Man, it sucks we can't go to LA.
Uh, we don't say "sucks" in this family.
That is on the Do Not Say list.
Sorry.
It blows.
That's on the list too, butthead.
Max! I know it's on the list, but you gotta admit, he is a butthead.
Mom, can I please come to LA to support Stephanie and miss my science test? Did I say "Miss my science test" out loud? Oh, you know I hate to say "No" to you.
So Fernando, tell her "No.
" No.
He's back! Now there's a hello.
It's almost as if I was holding a box of yummy donuts from Burt's Donut Shop.
Mmm! Ah-ah, no sugar before bed.
Boo.
You're tougher than Police Mom.
You guys can all have one in the morning.
And Joey, thanks for watching the kids so Matt and I can go to the wine country.
Ooh! I hope so.
The boy next door - Ooh, the boy next door - The boy next door - It's him that I adore - The boy next door Who'd have ever thought it'd be the boy next door? Steph, you sounded great.
You really think so? - Yeah.
- 'Cause I forgot the second verse.
And then I just sang "Ooh-ooh-ooh" The "Ooh-ooh-ooh", that was my favorite part.
Thanks for putting me on the show, Dad, even if it is just because I'm your daughter.
No, sweetie, you being on the show has nothing to do with me being your dad.
Or the fact that Peter Dinklage canceled at the last minute.
Here you go, Mr.
T.
Just a little thank you from your biggest fan.
You're not getting on the show.
Becky.
Just a little thank you from your biggest fan.
You're not getting on the show.
Does anyone important here like fruit? Hey! Hey, that's the fruit basket from my dressing room! Bec, Bec, Bec Is the lady from the adoption agency here yet? No, and why are you dressed like Pee-wee Herman? Bec, we're being evaluated to adopt a baby.
I wanna show her that I'm a caring, responsible adult Oh, my God, I do look like Pee-wee Herman.
OK, well, at least lose the bowtie.
Excuse me, are you Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis? I'm sorry, ma'am, my wife doesn't sign autographs pre-show.
Security! I'm Mrs.
Lopez from the adoption agency.
Do you know who this is? This is Mrs.
Lopez from the adoption agency.
Run along, Tiny, go lift something.
What are you writing? That's none of your concern.
Really? Then why am I so concerned? Excuse me, Becky.
I have a huge favor to ask.
Fernando, adios, we're trying to adopt a baby here.
Which is wonderful, but you already have two children and I have never been once to the set of Police Mom.
Police Mom? Oh, I love that show! "She's a working mother, but" ".
.
she's got the right to remain sexy!" If you love Police Mom, you know the set's right on the next stage.
Why don't we show her the set, huh? I don't know Jess, we go on live in less than an hour.
Oh, that would mean the world to me.
But if there's no time OK, I've got a fun idea.
Let's take a quick visit to the set of Police Mom! Becky.
Becky.
Becky, I'm getting really nervous, and I was just wondering what you do when, you know, you feel like you can't catch your breath.
I get some fresh air.
OK.
Oh, right, yeah.
Um Where do I get that? In the fresh air.
Come on, let's get some.
Come on, I'll walk you over to the set.
Oh, and by the way, did I tell you that you have the right to remain sexy? OK, I'm all packed.
Oh, there's two donuts left, do you want one? Oh.
No, I would but next week I'm posing for that hunky veterinarians calendar and, well, the Chihuahua I'll be holding doesn't leave much to the imagination.
Aye, Chihuahua, yo quiero Taco Bell.
I love that we are finally getting away.
Just the two of us and no interruptions.
Ooh! Sorry, I keep hearing that in my head.
Ooh! See? There it is again! Mom, I don't feel so good.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many donuts this morning.
I only had one.
My face feels hot.
Nice try but I'm not falling for the old too sick to go to school routine.
I'm not faking.
I feel like I did when I went on the teacup ride after two churros and a turkey leg.
Deej, my tummy feels funny too.
Joey, you don't go to school.
You don't have to pretend.
I wish I was.
I've felt sick ever since I had one of those delicious donuts.
Yeah.
I'm starting to think the D in the window didn't stand for Donuts.
- Oh, I got the upstairs bathroom! - I got the downstairs! I got the basement! I got the backyard if I can make it.
I've got a bad feeling about our trip to the wine country.
I've got a bad feeling about whatever Joey's doing in the back yard.
OK, here it is! An empty set! I'm finally on the set of Police Mom! It's like a dream.
A dream where I'm on the set of Police Mom.
Oh! This is the chair that Police Mom sits in! That's right, go ahead.
Sit down there, there you go! Boy, from this angle you look like Police Mom's younger, smarter, prettier sister.
Oh.
I was an understudy in a Carnival Cruise production of Pippin.
Just remember who made your dream come true, your two favorite parents to be.
- Honey, you're trying too hard.
- And you're not trying enough.
- OK, don't argue, she's watching us.
- You're right, let's make out.
Is she still watching? No, she's taking pictures of a stapler.
Am I really good enough to be on TV? You know, now I know why stars always have an entourage.
Because then there's always someone there telling them how great they are.
- Ooh, someone tell me how great I am.
- You're great.
You're saying that 'cause you're in my entourage.
OK, everyone, into the cell.
Let's take a "cell-fie.
" It's called "cell-fie.
" Get it? You're so cute, I could just adopt you! All night long.
- Let's take a cell-fie.
- All right, here we go.
OK, everyone, hold onto the bars and say "Busted!" Busted! All right, great.
OK, let's go.
It's locked.
Oh, come on, let me see this.
It's not locked.
It appears to be locked.
Why is a real lock on a fake jail? Oh, because Police Mom is incredibly accurate.
The stapler really staples.
All right.
Everybody, just stay calm.
Now, a great trait in a parent is to sort of take charge when things go a little crazy.
Watch how I do this.
All right, everybody do exactly what I do.
Help! Help! We're live in one minute, people.
One minute to air.
Oh, I'm sorry sir, this seat is saved for my husband.
Soon to be ex-husband.
So that we can legally remarry.
Because he's also my fiancé.
And my baby daddy.
It's really none of your business so stop asking me questions.
Becky is still not here.
You know what this means? Yes! I can finally host the show by myself.
No, you can't.
You need a co-host.
And you're going to choose one from the audience with bingo balls.
I I I don't think that's a good idea.
I I I really don't care.
You're on in five, four, three Wake up, USA, I'm Danny Tanner.
And as you can see, my co-host Rebecca is not here right now, but you know who is? Me! Danny Tanner! And I'm the guy who's never missed a show, even when I had pink eye for a whole week.
I want to thank of all you for your concerned tweets, it meant a lot.
Anyhoo, my producer thinks that I need a co-host because he says that I drone on and on and on and on But I think this is going very well.
Extremely well.
Well.
Well, well, well.
OK, I need a co-host.
Oh, look, my balls are here.
OK, so what I'm gonna do now is I'm gonna pick a co-host, a lucky person from the audience at random, right now.
- Here we go - 23.
It's me! It's me! I'm 25! Kimmy Gibbler, come on down! Oh, no, no, no.
No, no This is not good, this is not good at all.
I'd like to spin again, would you please bring my balls back? Too late for that.
Hello, I'm your co-host Kimmy Gibbler.
Good morning, America! Wrong show.
Folks, small world story.
I grew up in the house next door to this string bean.
My bedroom looked right into his, so I can tell you anything you wanna know and plenty you don't.
Let's take our first caller.
We don't take calls here.
Then why is my phone ringing? Gibbler Style Party Planning.
Who wants to party? - Hi! - This is live TV.
And this is the Gottlieb Bar Mitzvah.
- Yes, I know.
- All right, give me the phone.
Hello, Mr.
Gottlieb, shalom.
Danny Tanner here.
Yeah, I'm sorry this is not a good time, but honestly, mazel tov.
You know what? Let's check the weather.
Well, my phone says it's 73 in Los Angeles and, hang on Hah! I caught a Pokemon! Isn't this fun, Reej? Once again, wrong show.
I'm sorry Matt.
I know this isn't the romantic weekend we had planned.
What could be more romantic than wiping sweat off a middle-aged man's forehead? I can't help thinking I'm partly to blame for everybody being sick.
You're not partly to blame.
You're entirely to blame.
Hey, we don't know for sure if we got sick because of my donuts.
DJ ate one and she feels fine.
Yeah, it's true, I feel great.
Hey, since we're all home, let's watch Stephanie on Dad's show.
Danny, did you know this is National Hotdog Awareness month? So all month long, everyone's a weiner.
I must be hallucinating.
That looks like Mom hosting Wake Up USA.
Becky, if you can hear this, please come back.
Hey, guys, donut update.
It was all Joey's fault.
- Deej, are you OK? - Do not follow me.
No luck calling for help.
You would think a cell would have cell service.
I'm behind bars with no bars! This is rich with irony.
In 30 years, I have never missed a show.
My career means everything to me.
Yes, but nothing compared to being the world's greatest mom, right honey? Oh, yeah, that too.
You see, Mrs.
Lopez, we love being parents and we love babies and we just can't wait to start our new family.
Hey, what's that behind your Oh, look at this, it's a 100 dollar bill.
You guys, I'm missing my big break.
You know, maybe this is the universe telling me that this isn't meant to be.
Or maybe this knucklehead locked you in a fake jail.
I probably would've blown it anyway.
Steph, where is this coming from? If it doesn't happen today, it will.
You know why? You're talented.
- Really? - Yes.
And I should know, I've known you your whole life.
In fact, I was there when you were born.
Who taught you how to sing? - You.
- Who taught you how to play guitar? - You.
- Who taught you how to ride a bike? Dad.
Who taught you how to pop a wheelie? And I know I taught you to believe in yourself.
You can do this.
Yeah.
You're right.
I can do this.
Thanks Uncle Jesse.
Wow, my papa never said anything like that to me.
If only he had supported me.
I could have been a synchronized swimmer.
Mrs.
Lopez, you can still be a synchronized swimmer.
I believe in you.
In fact, I see you in one of those bathing caps and a sexy Baywatch bathing suit.
You're so inspiring! I'm gonna learn how to swim.
Bring it in, Little Mermaid.
Does that mean we get our baby now? Well, I can't make any promises, but I'll put in a good word for you.
Thank you.
And if we do get a baby, boy or girl, we'll name it Mrs.
Lopez.
All right.
There has got to be a way out of here.
Oh! I got it! I was captain of my cheerleading squad, back in 19 We can build a human pyramid.
Ready? OK.
Push 'em back! Push 'em back! Way back! Go, Beavers! God, you are so hot.
All right, people, Fernando, you're right here - OK.
- Mrs.
Lopez, right next to Fernando.
- Yeah, OK.
- Let me get these off.
Steph, all we need you to do, is get up there Ready? Hold on - Ready? - Ow! - Here we go.
- Sorry.
- Careful.
- One more.
- All right, Steph.
- One more foot There you go.
OK, push, push Go, go, go Swing your foot All right everybody, smile for the cell-fie.
Excuse me, we're trying to get out of here Oh We can make it to the show, come on! - Hustle, people, hustle, let's go! - Hey! A little help here? How we doing here in the girls' ward? Huh, looks like I made it to wine country after all.
Nurse Matt? I need you.
Why did I give Joey a bell? How may I help you this time, Joey? My pillow needs fluffing.
Pwease? Of course.
OK.
There you go, little fella.
Oh! Who gave you a bell? Oh, I did.
A baby with a bell is really funny.
What's the matter, little guy? Oh.
You wanna be with your big bros.
All right, come on, scoot over, boys.
Plenty of room for all of us.
Oh, and Cosmo, huh? Don't you worry, I'm here for you.
Thanks for taking care of us.
Please don't leave until we feel better.
Hey, I feel vewwy vewwy weft out.
Wing.
Wing, wing.
Wing, wing, wing So if you've got some potato chips, a packet of taco spice and some meat, or meat substitute, then you've got yourself some Gibbler Goulash.
Here, taste it, Mr.
T.
No, thanks.
It looks terrible, it smells terrible and Ugh Oh, wow.
Surprisingly good.
No.
Exceptionally horrible.
I'll have you know, Great Grandpa Gibbler ate this every day of his life, breakfast, lunch and dinner and he lived to be almost 40.
You know what, Gibbler? I have had enough.
You hijacked my weather, my cooking segment, and I know you convinced that capuchin monkey to hump my leg.
Oh, come on, the audience loved it.
And so did the monkey.
Hey, everybody, sorry I'm late.
Becky's back! Oh, Becky! Becky, if I have ever taken you for granted, I am so sorry.
- Becky's back! - Oh.
I missed you so much.
Oh, Danny, our musical guest has arrived.
Oh.
Ah.
Oh, oh, no, my curlers You're on.
You're on.
Here.
I'm very proud to introduce my daughter singing her hit song from the viral video, starring my grandson and my grand-dog.
No nepotism here.
Let's give it up for Stephanie Tanner! Music video produced and directed by Gibbler Style Party Planning! - Used to think - Sadly we're out of time.
Sorry, that's our show.
I'm Danny Tanner.
I'm Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis.
And of course, I'm Kimmy Gibbler.
And take a little time to enjoy the view.
For the last time, wrong show.
And we are out! Of show business.
Well, there goes my music career.
You'll get another shot.
Watch this.
Danny, can she have another shot on the show next week? - Sure.
- See how easy that was? Aw, thanks, Dad! You're welcome, sweetie.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, I've got to get this monkey off my leg.
Walter, in the future, let's try to keep our relationship strictly professional, OK? I'm sorry we missed our trip.
Don't be.
I had a great time today.
I know you guys didn't, but I kind of felt like I was part of the family.
You did a fantastic job of taking care of us.
Those boys of yours are great.
Even that little Joey.
He's still mad you took his bell away.
Can I have a kiss goodbye? - You've brushed your teeth, right? - Yes, I did.
Ooh! You know what, I heard it that time too.
Out of our way, Hollywood's newest star has returned.
Thank you.
Thank you.
DJ, let's do lunch.
My people will call your people.
Fernando, call DJ's people.
Speaking of celebrities, my Instagram from the Police Mom jail just passed 400,000 likes.
How many followers do you have? Two and a half million.
You people keep forgetting I'm a famous race car driver.
Oh, man, I feel so much better.
I slept all day.
I lost four pounds.
Anytime you need a babysitter, just let me know.
I'll bring you back some day-old airport sushi.
Thanks for the help, Kimmy.
Thank you.
Those go to the Gibbler suite.
Hey, Deej, why aren't you in Napa? Oh, we all got donut poisoning.
But Matt took really good care of me and the kids.
The boys really love him.
Why do you sound like that's a bad thing? Oh, no, it's not.
It's just the boys are getting really attached to him.
And what if things don't work out between us? I don't want to see them get hurt.
Deej, the kids will be fine no matter what happens, just like we were when dad started dating again.
Yeah, I guess we didn't care who dad dated, we just wanted him to be happy.
And that's what your boys want for you.
Yeah, and so do we.
Whatever you need, we're here for you.
Aww Good.
Because I'm gonna need help cleaning the bathrooms.
And the back yard.
Oh.
No, I meant we were here for you emotionally.
Lucky me, I got the last donut.
Let's hold off on the cleaning.
No, I'm fine, thank you.
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