Ghosts (2021) s02e09 Episode Script

1
That's the thing about Christmas.
All you have to do is believe.
Well, I believe
- that I love you.
- What are we watching?
It's a made-for-TV
Christmas movie called
Single and Ready to
Kringle, and it's amazing.
Yeah, well, a lot of plot holes, though.
I mean, how does Derek
afford a chalet like that
on a Christmas tree farmer's salary?
And why is Holly quitting
her job in the city?
- She was so driven.
- Oh, Jay, Holly wasn't
- happy in the city.
- Mm.
And Derek was an heir to
the North Pole fortune.
Yeah, Holly wants to get
up on that North Pole.
Please don't make
Christmas dirty, Trevor.
It's pure and beautiful.
And everyone loves it.
Why Christmas decorations
in Thor's room?
Thor hate Christmas.
Well, almost everyone.
Okay, so, apparently,
Thor hates Christmas.
Oh, boy, that's not gonna
fly, not in Sam's house.
Jay's right. Christmas is
not just a holiday to me.
It's a season, it's a lifestyle.
It's a coffee flavor that
she starts using in June.
Christmas steals best part
of Norse Yule Festival and make lame.
Takes wise Odin, turn him
into stupid-faced fat man.
Huh. Isn't that like that
cultural appropriation thing
you're always saying is so bad, Sam?
Uh, no, nope, I-I think
that this is different.
How is different?
Mock culture, cause Thor great pain.
Well, you see, the thing is
that if you really look at it,
then the point of Chris Oh!
They're about to get
on the candy cane train.
This is my favorite part.
Saved by the jingle bell.
The Not-not saved by the bell,
but saved by the jinglebell.
- Oh, I understood.
- Okay.
♪
Okay, I just got a text
from Bela. She's pulling up.
Can you believe it, Jay?
We're hosting friggin'
Christmas at our house.
This is the dream.
Yeah, well, it's just my sister
and probably a bag of
her laundry, but sure.
Hey, Sam, I just want to say
that even though Bela is my ex,
I promise things will not get weird.
Okay, "ex" feels a
little strong for someone
who doesn't live on the same
plane of existence as you.
The point is, she's a great girl,
she deserves to be happy,
and I want her to find somebody.
- Hey!
- Merry Christmas!
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Hey there. Hi.
Oh, I hope it's okay I
brought someone. This is Eric.
- Well, hello, Eric.
- Hello.
Hi. I'm Bela's brother, Jay.
Great. Great, Jay.
Who's this schmuck?
You just said you wanted
her to meet somebody.
Yeah, but not bring him here.
She knows I haunt this
house. This is just rude.
Ugh. My car got booted
and I needed a ride.
Turns out, if you park
at a Dunkin' Donuts
for more than two weeks,
they will take action.
Well, it's Christmas,
so the more, the merrier.
Welcome, Eric.
- Oh, thanks.
- It's great to have you. Um,
should I be making
up a second room or
Yeah, are you guys
That's an unfortunate hand gesture.
Oh. Oh God.
Oh, God, no.
- Okay, she's not into him.
- Oh, no.
We've just been friends forever.
Can you even imagine, Eric?
No.
- Ugh. This poor guy.
- No.
May I use your restroom?
Probably needs to check to see
if his man parts are still there.
Of course. It's just back
there behind the tree.
He seems nice. What does he do?
Oh, he's an architect.
He actually owns his own firm.
They just did the new
wing at the hospital.
A cute, successful
architect, and he's single?
Yeah. And, honestly, I think
he might have a little thing for
me, but I'm just not into him.
- Why not?
- Too stable? Too nice?
- Too normal?
- I don't know.
He's just, like, always there
for me, doing anything I need.
He's, like, always
driving me to the airport.
He's helped me move, like, four times.
What a monster.
Well, the holidays have a
funny way of helping you see
what's been right in front
of your face all along.
Thank you, but I don't
think I need any help
when it comes to men.
By the way, is Trevor around?
Aw, she asked about me.
Okay. Uh, Jay, if you
could point us to the rooms,
I'll grab the bags.
Oh, I'll help. It's
just right up the stairs.
Oh, great, and then,
I'm making everybody Christmas cookies.
Yeah, definitely don't
give this guy a chance.
Sorry.
Your little matchmaking
attempt didn't bear any fruit.
Oh, no. I'm not deterred.
Just wait till I sprinkle a
little bit of reindeer dust,
and then it's gonna be
just like a Christmas movie.
What the hell, Sam? You
don't have to fix her up
- right in front of my face.
- You're right, Trevor.
That was insensitive of me.
It's just that he seems like a nice guy,
and you don't have a body.
Ooh.
Okay, well, I'm still a person.
Are you? Are we?
I actually don't know.
That is a complicated question.
How about "Jingle Bells"?
Let's do "Silent Night."
No, no, no, it should
be "White Christmas."
What are you guys doing?
Oh, brainstorming song ideas.
It's gonna be our present
for Sam on Christmas morning.
We're calling our little group
Alberta and the Christmas Cookies.
We hadn't really landed on that yet.
It's Alberta and the Christmas Cookies.
- And we have a name.
- Isaac, did you see the mistletoe?
Are you gonna bring Nigel by
for a special holiday treat?
Oh, well, I would, but
I wouldn't want to be too insensitive
to others by flaunting my happiness.
What are you talking about?
Well, I hesitate to bring
this up in present company,
but there was the face-palm incident
between Pete and Alberta.
Oh, right.
When Pete tried to kiss Alberta
and then she palmed his
face like a basketball.
Yeah, that was hard to watch.
I was told to be proud.
In any case, I'm okay.
Don't hold back for me.
Well, we're not really
ones for public displays.
Okay, but how's it going in private?
Well, we're not really
big on private displays.
So, y'all haven't kissed yet? At all?
- That is correct.
- Isaac, it's been months.
I would've slept with him
and his bass player by now.
Well, we're moving at our own pace.
Doesn't sound like you're moving at all.
- Oh.
- Whew.
Man, when Pete's slamming your sex life,
that is not a place you want to be.
- Agreed.
- I don't owe any of you an explanation. Hmm?
So, uh, bass player, huh?
Incredibly nimble fingers.
- Ooh.
- I played the oboe.
Cool.
What's wrong, Trevor?
It's just this whole thing with Bela.
Seeing her again has brought
up a lot of old feelings.
I actually like her. And she likes me.
And now I have to watch Sam
set her up with this dweeb.
What does he have that I don't?
A body. Big whoop.
- Hmm.
- What?
Well
No. It's crazy.
No. What? Say it.
Well, we know from Hetty and Jay
how a ghost can possess a person, right?
Yeah.
And Bela did say that Eric would
do basically anything she asked.
Oh, my God, Sass, you're saying
that I possess Eric
so I can be with Bela?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Sass, you're a genius.
Hey, I don't know if
this will be successful.
But if it is, it'll
be the greatest thing
I've ever been a part of.
We're sending you where
no ghost has gone before.
- Inside Eric.
- Inside Eric.
Hey. What's going on here?
Sam is attempting to recreate a scene
from Single and Ready to Kringle,
in which Derek and Holly fall in love
while building a
gingerbread house together.
Just get 'em drunk, Sam.
Oh, uh, I should check on some laundry,
but if you two feel like having
a frosting fight or anything,
don't worry about the mess.
Oh. That's nice.
Yes! They left the iPad open.
Uh, what are you two knuckleheads up to?
Look, it's groundbreaking.
That's all you need to know.
Oh, come on, man. We're
cool. We're not gonna narc.
Fine. We're texting Bela
to see if she'll convince Eric
to let me possess him for a day
so that she and I can
finally be together.
This is the greatest thing I ever heard.
One small step for a ghost,
one giant leap for ghost kind.
- Yes.
- Okay, Trevor, do your thing.
- Oh, first one's always a little off.
- Okay.
Take your time, take
your time, take your time.
You got it, you got it, you got it.
Operation Boyfriend
for Bela is underway.
Samantha, I was watching
Bodices and Barons
and he changed the
channel. Admonish him.
- Sparks flying?
- Not yet. Phase one: start off wholesome.
Then we turn the heat up
with phase two: ice skating.
Okay, babe, if you want
to turn up the heat,
have Eric go outside and chop some wood.
- Why?
- Because Bela loves these videos.
She sends them to the family thread.
This is a lumberjack from Maine
- Oh, yeah.
- with 300,000 followers.
This one's really thick.
Oh, my.
Oh, my.
Do another. Do it now.
Wait. I'm on the family thread.
Why haven't I seen these?
Yeah, there's another family thread.
Champa calls it the Core Group.
Hey. Sam not core group in own family.
Very funny.
What's the Skittle?
Our doorknob.
Oh.
And sent.
Oh, my God, we have contact.
Ooh. She's smiling. That's good.
All right, everybody, just calm down.
She's typing.
Ooh, the, uh, the
marshmallow could be like
the smoke coming out of our chimney.
- Hang on a sec.
- Yes.
Holy hell.
She said yes! This is incredible!
And we are now ready to receive mail.
Congrats, Teddy Bear on a rainbow.
You have made the Christmas tree.
This not Christmas tree.
This tree of Balder, god of sun!
You desecrate my culture, small man.
Whoa.
Sam's letting you make
tree-decorating decisions on your own?
No, I have very detailed instructions.
- Hilarious that she thinks he's joking.
- Hm.
Hey, I don't think I ever
asked you about that time
you got possessed by a ghost.
Oh, uh, no, you didn't.
No, Bela, you got to ease into it.
Yeah, he's gonna see right through that.
I mean, I joked about it.
Victorian lady inside of you.
Objectively funny.
But it must've been weird
and probably a little scary.
It was a little scary, thank you.
Well, if you want someone to talk to,
I'd love to hear how
you felt, and, you know,
like, maybe a little bit
about how it happened.
That's very nice of you, Bela.
Ooh, she knows just
what buttons to push.
Well, I was standing right over there
and I was trying to fix that sconce.
Where exactly?
Oh, well right here.
And then, I was up on
a ladder, obviously.
A ladder. Right. And
where do you keep that?
No! Too close to the sun. Be cool, Bela.
In the supply closet,
but why does that matter?
Jay, I'm just trying to be here for you.
I feel like you went through
this really traumatic thing
and you can't even talk
to your friends about it.
Must be so hard.
It is. It is hard.
- God, I'm so glad you're here, Bela.
- Oh.
She saved it.
Hey, that's what family's for.
Now, this supply closet
is that on this floor?
Hey, bud.
Excited about the big day tomorrow?
Yes. I'm sure my 280th Christmas
will be my best one yet. Yippee.
Um, look, about before
I get being nervous
about physical intimacy.
I mean, heck, I'm no
Burt Reynolds myself.
I don't know who that is, Pete.
Cannonball Runstar,
married to Loni Anderson.
That clears everything up.
Oh, it's just vexing, these nerves.
I'm no neophyte.
My Beatrice and I
locked lips many times.
Over a hundred.
Yeah, but it's different this time.
I mean, Nigel gives you those
butterflies in your stomach, right?
I mean, I suppose so.
I died of dysentery,
so it's always sort
of gurgling down there.
But, yes, he does produce
a certain flutter that
seems distinct from gas.
And that is why it's gonna be
the best kiss you've ever had.
You're saying that the fact
that I'm nervous is a good thing?
It's a great thing.
You've waited so long.
You deserve this, Isaac.
You just have to get
out of your own way.
Thank you, Pete.
And I hope you don't give
up on kissing entirely,
you know, after the face-palm incident.
We don't need to keep bringing that up.
It's in the past,
like it never happened.
Oh, but it did happen.
And it was chilling to witness.
Well, I'm sorry you
had to go through that.
Thank you.
Hey, Bela.
I was, uh, just thinking
it might be nice to have a fire tonight,
so maybe you could go outside with Eric
and watch him chop some firewood.
Sam, are you trying to turn this weekend
into a real-life Christmas movie?
I don't know what you mean.
Well, I don't want to get your hopes up,
but I think your very obvious
matchmaking might be working.
I could see something
happening with me and Eric.
- Seriously?
- All I'm gonna say is
this will definitely be
a Christmas to remember.
Oh, my God. They always
say that in the movies.
They alwayssay that.
Hey, guys. Uh, Sam, did
you leave a flannel shirt
and suspenders on my bed?
Oh, uh, laundry mishap.
They're Jay's. Anyway,
I'm gonna go downstairs, but text me
if you guys need
anything from the market.
I am going to start a grocery list.Oh.
Mead. Sam! You never have mead.
You and small man drink, I watch.
Very fun.
Hey, Eric, sit down.
There's something I want
to talk to you about.
Is everything okay?
You remember how I told you
that I think this
house might be haunted?
Yeah.
Looks like she's getting started.
Come on, Bela. Bring us home, baby.
Well, the thing is it is haunted.
How-how do you know that it's haunted?
Okay, this is gonna sound
weird, so just go with me.
Okay. You know that finance bro
I was talking to for a while?
Uh, uh, Trevor, right?
Yeah. Well, the thing is,
Trevor's a ghost.
Like, he ghosted you?
No, like, he's dead,
and he's an actual ghost,
and he haunts this house.
I'm sorry. You must think I'm crazy.
You know, so, after my Pop Pop died,
my Nana said that she
could still talk to him
and nobody believed her.
But I did.
So, no, I I don't think you're crazy.
Just wait, bro.
We're going way past Nana.
It's just, I really like
Trevor, and he likes me.
But I've never been able to
actually see him and touch him.
This is it. Bottom of
the ninth, bases loaded.
I'm so invested. I'm so nervous.
Eric
would you let Trevor possess your body
so that we can be
together? Just for a day.
Wow, boy.
Uh, this is a lot.
- Um
- Yeah, I know, take your time.
Uh, okay, so, j-just
so I have all the facts,
how would this even work?
Like, would I do a séance or something?
No, you just electrocute yourself
by touching exposed wiring
and then your body gets
thrown back into the ghost.
Yeah, I don't love that part.
It's-it's fine, Eric.
You don't have to do it.
Look, cards on the
table I really like you.
And someday, I hope, maybe
we'll even end up together.
But this whole Trevor thing I can see
this is something you need
to get out of your system.
You need to sow your wild ghosts.
So I cannot believe that
I'm saying this but
Bela, if this is what
you want for Christmas,
I'm in.
Yes!
Thank you, Eric. Thank
you, thank you, thank you!
My pleasure.
This guy is mentally ill but I love him!
Thank you for walking me
back to the mansion, Nigel.
It was a lovely evening.
Oh, my.
We find ourselves beneath the mistletoe.
Indeed, we do.
That most suggestive of greenery.
Well, we don't have to
follow tradition, Isaac.
We can just say good night.
No! Nonsense.
We've waited this long.
We should do this.
Well, i-if that's what you want.
Why is your hand upon my face?
I'm not sure.
Could you remove it?
Terribly sorry.
Just a an unfortunate reflex.
But a telling one.
I've been patient, Isaac,
but it's clear to me you're
just not ready for this.
I'm sorry to say, I
think our relationship,
such that it is, should end.
End?
Wait. Don't leave like that.
I have things to attend to in the shed.
Well, I could give you a hand.
I've had quite enough of
your hand for one night.
Happy Christmas.
Come in.
Hey, Merry Christmas Eve.
I just wanted to say good night.
Aw, good night, Bela.
Merry Christmas Eve to you, too.
We're so happy you're here.
Me too.
So, you guys just gonna go to sleep?
- Yeah.
- Cool, cool. Me too.
Like, right now?
Uh-huh.
Okay, good night.
I am so excited about her and Eric.
I don't want to get my hopes up,
but she does seem different this trip.
Like, more together or something.
I know, right?
I really think she's starting
to make good decisions.
Okay, so Trevor, you stand right here,
and when Eric gets electrocuted,
he'll fly back into you.
Stay close to the host body.
I believe that was key to
my successful possession.
- You good? Feeling loose?
- Oh, I got this.
- I got this.
- We're rooting for you, Trevor.
It's very exciting.
Even I have never had
this kind of threesome.
And if you should come
across any morphine, do it.
Let Eric handle the withdrawals.
Now, when Trevor goes to sleep,
he is gonna put in my retainer, right?
What's happening here?
You said you were going to sleep.
I was putting out milk
and cookies for Santa.
Why is Eric up the ladder?
Uh
Oh, my God.
You're trying to get Eric
possessed by Trevor, aren't you?
Hey, babe, look, I know the
snickerdoodles are for Santa, but
could I just have one?
What's going on here?
Nothing. Bela's trying to
get Eric possessed by Trevor.
Don't be a rat, Sam.
Is that why you asked me
about getting possessed by Hetty?
You didn't care about my feelings.
- Both things can be true, Jay.
- Wait. You got possessed?
How could you, Bela?
Did the electrocution part hurt?
Because that's the part that
I'm sort of very concerned about.
We're not going through with this, Eric.
That's not your call, Jay.
- Trevor, Eric and I are three consenting adults.
- What?
This is epically bad,
even for you, Bela.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, it's just one weird,
bad relationship after the next.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jay.
Not all of us can have perfect marriages
and a house that smells like cinnamon.
She puts little sticks
in the heating ducts.
At first I deemed it overkill
but now I find it quite pleasant.
I'm not asking you to
have a perfect marriage.
I'm asking you not to sleep with
a ghost on Christmas in my house!
You know what? I don't need this.
Trevor, I'm sorry it didn't work out,
and I'm sorry you have
to haunt a house with such
a judgmental jerk. I'm going to bed.
So, Christmas morning,
are you guys like an "everyone
takes turns opening presents"
kind of family, or is it more
of a free-for-all situation?
- Go to bed, Eric.
- Absolutely. Merry Christmas.
This is so unfair. I was so close.
Don't you start, Trevor.
You ruined Christmas.
And you ruined the
seventh night of Hannukah.
- We all told him it was a bad idea.
- Yeah.
- We really did.
- Mm-hmm. He wouldn't listen to us.
Morning, Thor. Merry Christmas.
Yeah.
So, hideous decorations
come down tomorrow?
Most people like to leave
it till after New Year's,
but I go all the way
up to Groundhog Day.
Yeah.
What happen to light?
Oh, it's kind of a long story.
I'd rather not think
about it on Christmas.
I should screw that back on, though.
Careful.
Aah!
What happen?
Why hands so small and clean?
Merry Christmas, Sam!
We can't give you much,
but we can give you this.
Silent night, holy ♪
No! Hate this song!
I told y'all we should've
went with "White Christmas".