GLOW (2017) s02e09 Episode Script
Rosalie
1 [RUTH AND JUSTINE LAUGHING.]
- [RUTH.]
Wait! What is this? Is this real? - Yeah, seriously! - [RUTH.]
This is real curriculum? - Yes, it's called "Family Living.
" "Family living?" That's a class? Oh, yeah.
And it's mandatory.
They make you get fake-married and take care of a plant and make a household budget.
God, I miss high school.
[JUSTINE.]
Whatever.
It's all regressive bullshit.
There's more girls than guys in the class, so they gave every husband two wives.
Ooh! Teen polygamy! And now I gotta meet with her teacher because she's failing this class that shouldn't exist in the first place.
I'm not failing.
I'm getting a "D.
" In protest.
Oh, right.
Right.
Oh, I can help clean up.
- No, no.
- [JUSTINE.]
You can barely walk.
Thanks for inviting me to family dinner.
Oh, it was Justine's idea.
I think she wanted a buffer.
Well, it's a nice way to spend our last night before our last week.
Can't believe families do this every night, right? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, Justine, I left two dresses in your room from Jenny.
You need to pick one for Winter Formal.
I'm not getting dressed up.
Billy and I are going ironically.
What? You're back together with Billy? We never broke up.
Hey, I'm gonna leave those dresses here in case you change your mind.
[JUSTINE.]
I won't.
Good night.
[RUTH.]
Night.
- All right, all right, all right.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Okay? - Thanks.
Whoa.
You made it - to the couch.
- [GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
Can you give me a ride back? I don't know.
Only if you're comfortable with a very tired drunk driver.
You know what? Why don't you just stay here? I can kick Justine out of the guest room.
She can sleep outside.
- No! - And you can I'm good with the couch.
See? I'm already here.
Yeah? I'm gonna just put these away, get this going.
[LAUGHS.]
[SAM.]
That was pretty good.
Oh, wait.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, this is better.
[RUTH.]
Thank you.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SAM.]
Justine! Turn down the fucking music! [JUSTINE.]
It's not that loud! [SAM.]
Sounds like someone's being murdered by a trash compactor! Ruthie's trying to sleep! Gregory! We leave in a week.
Would it kill you to put out a decent continental breakfast? Or at least give us cups? It's beautiful muffin meal.
I'll give you cups when you bring the plunger.
Oh! I can't believe it's ending! I love all of you.
I love all of you.
You're like my family.
How many of those have you sold? Fifty.
Cash money.
On my way to buy Earnest a new computer.
All part of my contingency plan.
Gotta think ahead, you know.
'Cause everything ends.
What's the plan, exactly? Acting class.
Then, pitch my own TV show to K-DTV and become the next Whoopi Goldberg! I want to take an acting class.
Okay, you can tag along, if you help put little leotards on my little queens.
Anyone want an application for The Limited? I picked up a few.
- Keeping my options open.
- Ooh.
[CHERRY BANG.]
We'll all find something.
And Sam's very loyal.
You'll see.
He'll keep calling you up to play a hyper-sexual cannibal alien - in a desert or some shit.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, it sounds great.
I can't fucking wait for that.
[TOBY.]
Britannica? - Oh.
- Britannica! - [CHERRY BANG.]
What is it? - Cupcake! [TOBY.]
Britannica.
[YOLANDA.]
Which one's this one again? [SHEILA.]
Cupcake is the one who bakes for her.
Not to be confused with the one who sends her chest hair clippings.
I'll miss you after next week.
But Britannica will live in your brain forever and always.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This can't end.
[GASPING.]
Britannica, I want to be there for you.
For everything from A to Z.
Will you marry me? [LAUGHS.]
You're too much! I'll see you at the match.
I'll blow you a kiss.
Wait.
So, is that a "maybe?" Go home, Cupcake! Go make a strudel or something.
 ¡Vale! - I love you.
- ¡A fuera! Okay.
I'm going.
- Rhonda has a stalker! - I know! Why don't I have a stalker? [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Ugh.
- [RINGING DOORBELL, KNOCKING.]
- [SIGHS.]
[WINCES.]
Can I help you? I'm Rosalie Biagi.
I'm looking for my daughter.
What was all that fucking noise? I'm the fucking noise.
I'm here for my kid.
Oh.
Yeah, hi.
I'm Sam.
I know who you are.
Where's Justine? Justine! I'm staying here! - No, you're not! - Yes, I fucking am! Oh, my God! Stop! I had sex with that woman 17 years ago, and now she's in my house, yelling at my daughter.
That's your family.
God! It's not like you give a shit where I am when I'm home.
You've got Brad.
And Brad's dumb kids.
They are not dumb, they're shy.
Oh, my God! Fine! Whatever! Then you can live with them! - I'm staying here! - They're so loud! You're loud! I should go.
I can get a cab.
No, don't! You can't.
I'm gonna say all the wrong shit, at the wrong time.
And then I'm gonna lose her.
And I don't want to lose her.
[ROSALIE.]
then fucking hate me, all the way fucking home, in the fucking car! [SOBS.]
Hey! Hey! What are you fucking looking at? I'll stay, but you should put on pants.
- So these are all buyers? - Syndicators.
Cable packagers.
We are gonna sell GLOW to stations all across the country.
We got a format that belongs to us, after next week.
So we just gotta find someone who appreciates innovation.
- Yeah, fuck K-DTV! - Right.
They were too small a pond for us.
So we have a booth? Lucky 225.
And you are our secret weapon.
Star.
Producer.
Bombshell! [LAUGHS.]
Did you bring a bikini? I asked you if you wanted me to come as Liberty Belle, and you said it would be unprofessional.
Hollywood Squares, Booth 24.
Champagne? Oh! Thank you.
[BASH.]
Wow.
Here we are! [HUMS.]
Let's just skip the humiliation and go right to getting drunk at the Hollywood Squares booth.
Okay, you know what? Forget the booth, okay? We've got everything we need right here on this tape.
We have no way to show them what is on the tape.
These people have headphones, monitors.
Okay, have you seen Muppets Take Manhattan? No.
Oh! Oh, Debbie.
Come here.
Let's go, Debs.
[LAUGHS.]
Yours? Mine.
Yours? Mine.
- [JENNY.]
Mine.
- [MELANIE.]
Yours.
- [JENNY.]
Mine.
- [MELANIE.]
Yours.
Hey, guys Mine! Ah! You gave it to me.
So I could have sex.
I did not have sex.
So the deal is off.
You're just jealous because I have a boyfriend.
Ooh, I'm gonna find out when you work at The Limited.
I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna try on everything.
Actually, Jenny, maybe I will grab one of those applications.
Yes! Oh my, God! If you guys work at The Limited and we work at the salon, - we'll all be working at the mall! - We can eat lunch at the food court! Yes! I can't answer this first question.
You don't know your name? No! What's a Social Security number? You don't have a Social Security number? How are you even working, like, right now? Well, what info did you put on the paperwork for the show? I think I just left that part blank.
- Rhonda.
- Rhonda.
You guys, it's fine.
Okay? I'm just I'm a little bit "off the grid," you know? Oh, try "illegal.
" Did you kill someone in England? I just like it here.
I want to stay.
You need to go to the British Consulate or whatever and like, get a visa.
My uncle Timmy did it, and he barely speaks English.
Now he owns, like, four doughnut shops.
I don't know.
I've gotten this far without an American ID.
I got this job, didn't I? Not everyone's as dumb as Bash.
The Limited is serious, okay? It's a very well-run company.
You're gonna need ID.
Just go! Just go to the Consulate.
It's gonna take, like, an hour.
Fine! I really think you people are making too big a deal over this.
Americans love British people.
They love us! We get exceptions.
[BRITISH ACCENT.]
Hello! I'd like a visa.
I've worn my gold suit to the Consulate.
So, Kermit goes into Sardi's and replaces Liza Minnelli's portrait with his own.
How many times have you seen this movie? Oh, Florian and I saw it like four times in theaters as my research for my life in the arts.
Anyway, so the rats are underneath the table, and they're whispering about how great the show is, and then, they get exposed, and everyone freaks out, and Sardi's is totally torn apart, and then Liza comes in.
She sees her portrait on the Sorry, you want to start a whisper campaign? - Yes! - Okay, great! So, let's shut up about the frog.
I'll follow your lead.
I need to replace a game show in Prime Access, and it's all retreads.
Gimme a Break is doing well for us, but what am I gonna come back with? An hour-long block of Mr.
Peepers? God, I love cheese.
Have you heard about these tapes going around? Was it GLOW? Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? Of course! But it's impossible to get a tape! They're playing very hard to get.
Though I did hear that King World is interested in GLOW.
Isn't that who bought Wheel of Fortune with 50K and syndicated it to a million markets? Sharks.
All right, now listen to me, Joel, okay? We need to come in high and hot with an offer, all right? Because GLOW is the hottest show out there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was lucky the producer even took my call.
Yeah, it's God, what is his name? It was It was so cool and fresh.
Oh, it was Bash Howard.
It was Bash Howard Productions.
I want to.
I wanna buy it.
Before those CBS affiliates sniff it out.
Oh, Carol, is it fresh! I mean, it's variety and wrestling.
It is like Monty Python meets Laugh-In meets Miami Vice meets Charlie's Angels.
Anyway, I grabbed the last copy of it.
Sounds like one of those very hip shows on MTV.
I bet we could go national with a property like that.
She's gone.
She's gone, and she took the tape.
Great.
Let's go to the men's room next.
Come on.
And maybe we should all just, you know, sit down and talk.
About what? She's been lying to me for months.
She's been calling me from her dorm room at a performing arts high school.
She's been forging her report cards.
Fuck! That's elaborate! [ROSALIE.]
What, are you proud? No! Well, yeah, maybe.
Look, she lies to me, too.
All right? She's got a gift.
Oh, don't do that.
Don't be cute.
In my defense, she did tell me you were crazy.
[ROSALIE.]
I don't care if she told you that I beat her.
The minute you realize that a child has run away from home, you call their mother.
Oh, yeah? Well, you know You didn't call me, to tell me you were having a kid.
Oh, well, excuse me for not calling the guy who didn't stay for breakfast! - I don't think that's what happened.
- I asked you if you wanted eggs.
You said, "I fucking hate eggs.
That was fun.
" And then you made the Black Power Fist and you left.
That sounds like a long time ago.
Thanks for the math, Tiny Tim.
Sam has really connected with Justine.
He enrolled her in high school, she joined AV Club.
She has a boyfriend, who's really sweet.
They're going to Winter Formal tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah, this This dance is very meaningful for her.
My kid does not go to dances.
Trust me.
Yes, I do! Which one should I wear? - Black one.
- Green one.
I agree with your mom.
Look.
It's one night.
And it'll give you two time to catch up.
Who are you? What Gonna go make coffee in the kitchen, in case anyone wants.
All right.
You're angry.
I get it.
All right, but I'm just trying to make up for lost time here, okay? And she's doing good in school except for this one bullshit class.
I have to go and talk to the teacher.
You know, she has a curfew.
I'm trying to teach her, you know, what I know about filmmaking.
I'm trying.
I'm trying here.
I'll let her go to the dance, and then after that, we're leaving.
I'm not gonna indulge in this father-daughter fucking fantasy.
She may want to know you.
She doesn't need you.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
I gotta say, you've really expanded my musical taste.
Yeah.
Same.
You can keep that tape, as a memento.
So you don't look back and think this was a big, bizarre dream.
We were really good together.
Well I just followed you.
You're amazing.
Fuck that.
Accept the compliment, okay? You are crazy good dancer, Arthie.
And you're really fun to live with.
You're the coolest.
True.
See how I accepted that? I don't want this to end.
What if we kept living together? I'd be into it.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison Through the darkness of the night I'd rather kill myself than dance to this.
If I leave the dance floor, you're never gonna see me again.
So We're dancing.
Fuck.
I don't want you to go.
I love you.
I love you.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison Through the darkness of the night I don't know what to do.
Why don't we just take off? Run off into the night together? Yeah.
We can crash in Blake's basement for a few weeks, and then Shitpope has a gig in New York over winter break.
And then, we'll just stay.
Fuck LA, fuck parents.
We can leave tonight.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison I've never been to New York.
[LAUGHS.]
Kyrie eleison Where I'm going, will you follow? I know I'm staring, but this is her first boyfriend.
Really? That explains the intensity.
Yeah.
I can't believe she's wearing a dress.
I'm getting married next year.
She won't wear anything that I like.
It's just been the two of us for a long time, so it's complicated.
People are complicated.
Not Brad.
It took me a long time to find somebody who is nice and uncomplicated.
You know, I used to date these guys that just would run so hot and then so fucking cold! I never knew where I stood.
It was exhausting, you know? Yeah, I know.
"Chaperone.
" Me, too.
Were we this lame when we were 17? I definitely was.
You couldn't pay a woman to touch me.
So, what do you do? I'm the director of a women's wrestling TV show.
You? I own a small chain of strip clubs.
Although my wife likes me to say that I'm a "small business owner.
" Chickie's.
Yeah.
"Come for the wings, stay for the breasts.
" - You know it? - Yeah, I know this place.
Are you kidding? Yeah, I've been there.
Well, next time you come by, you know, ask for me, Ray.
All right.
I'll do that.
So which one's yours? Oh, she's right over there.
I got to go.
Excuse me.
Sorry, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where you going? Outside.
To smoke.
Billy and I got into a fight.
Hmm.
You're lying.
Right? Catching on.
Billy's got a gig in New York.
I'm done with Rosalie.
She won't let me stay here.
So we're gonna roll.
Really? You're gonna "roll?" You're "rolling?" What, are you gonna be a roadie? Come on! Hey.
Hey, hey, Rosalie.
Fucking Benedict Arnold! She's your mother, all right? We're not keeping secrets from each other.
She's trying to leave with Billy.
God damn it, Justine! You can't control me.
I'm almost 18.
I can't do this again, okay? I can't.
You know what? I can.
So this is your big idea? This is your rebellion? You're gonna run away and be someone's girlfriend? I get it.
 You don't approve, man.
Who gives a shit whether or not I approve? Why do you care what I think? Stop caring what I think.
Stop following me around.
Stop following Billy around.
You're your own person, right? Why don't you be your own fucking person then? Look, I know you want to stay.
All right, I want you to stay.
But that might not happen.
That doesn't mean you capsize your future just to make a point.
Where you going? I'm going to tell Billy that I can't go to New York.
And then I'm gonna smoke pot in the parking lot.
Okay? [ROSALIE.]
Don't leave the state.
It's not fair.
She listens to you.
Well, yeah.
I mean, she hasn't been hearing my voice for 17 years, you know? It cuts through.
Look.
You did a great job, all right? You know, she's smart, strong-willed, self-possessed.
Really.
I mean, I couldn't have done it.
Still taking her home with me.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me? Oh-oh-oh Okay.
Fine.
Maybe I didn't need you to come.
This DJ is pretty great.
And a Freshman asked me to dance, but I said no.
Oh, you heart breaker! [LAUGHS.]
You want to dance with an adult? I can't dance! Come on! You can do a music video about kidnapping, but you can't get up and pretend to hop around for a second or two? Come on.
Don't you want me, baby? Just lean on me.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
[SLOW-TEMPO SONG PLAYING.]
All right, so, fast, slow.
Doesn't matter.
I'm gonna do the same moves.
- [RUTH.]
Okay.
- All right.
Okay.
Did you win over Rosalie? Well She's taking Justine home.
I'm sorry.
Strangers making the most Of the dark Two by two their bodies become one I see you through the smoky air Can't you feel the weight of my stare? You're so close But still a world away My ankle hurts! All right.
You want to sit down, or No, I should go.
Don't go.
I'll drive you home.
No, it's Justine's last night.
You stay.
I'll get a cab.
Ruth? Ruth? I never wanted anyone like this It's all brand-new You'll feel it in my kiss I'm crazy for you - So, when people call, - Mm-hmm.
what do we say? Do you want to buy GLOW? No, no.
We're in the power position.
Okay? They're calling us.
So, we invite them to a live taping, we get them even more excited, and, you know, they'll see other buyers there, and then we can negotiate from a place of strength.
- Unless no one calls.
- Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
Thank God we didn't tell anyone we were coming.
Yeah, it'll be like this day never happened.
Yeah.
Just like the show.
Hey, at least we got to spend a lovely night together getting drunk in Anaheim.
Yeah.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Do Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Bash Howard Productions.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
You do? I mean, of course you do.
Yes, great.
Terrific.
Well, we are having a live taping next week.
Well, it's our final show.
Then, we will reserve you a seat.
Uh-huh.
Same address that's on the tape.
Yep.
Seven o'clock.
Okay Okay.
Great.
Yes.
 You too.
[SCREAMS.]
Who was that? Fuck! Uh Joe.
John, Joe.
[GASPS.]
Um He programs for the Chicago market "Joe Chicago!" Next time, you need to get a name.
Okay, okay.
Write that down.
- Whoo-hoo! Joe Chicago! - Joe Chicago.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Your turn.
Here.
Red button! Red button! Red button! - Pick up the pen.
Pick up the pen.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Bash Howard Productions.
[BASH.]
Good.
Mr.
Howard is on the other line with Chicago.
Hold, please.
We better have a good show if we are inviting buyers.
Carmen is on it.
- [WOMEN CHANTING.]
Smoke that bong! - [CHEERING.]
I did a drug! All right, all right! Pipe down, pipe down.
So, is this team meeting about the finale ideas happening? 'Cause if it's not - gimme that bong! - [CHEERING.]
- You guys! Cherry Bong! - [LAUGHING.]
- [RUTH.]
Cherry Bong! - [ALL SHOUTING.]
Oh, no.
I'm saying no to drugs.
Fuck that! Why are you being such a drag today? Oh, fuck off, Jenny! Because I'm sad! Okay.
What if GLOW was the most exciting part of my life, and now it's over? Dummy Look, no matter what happens Your life will always be exciting because you're totally psycho.
Keep the jacket.
Oh, I will.
Because it's mine.
Rhonda, what are you doing? - Packing up.
- Why? What's going on? I took your great advice, and I went to the consulate, and then they sent me to the immigration office, and now I have 30 days to leave the country! - You're being deported? - Asked to leave.
And if I don't, deported.
Yes.
Oh, sweetie! We'll go back with you tomorrow and we'll fix it.
You can't! I'm on the records.
Okay? I can't believe I listened to you guys! I was getting by just fine by myself, like I always do.
And now, I have to go back to my alcoholic parents in Bromley and have frizzy hair and be miserable! [SIGHS.]
Anyway, goodbye forever.
She just has to marry an American.
Oh, my God! Cupcake! No! I mean, yes, perfect solution, and no, I don't have a better idea, but fucking no! No! Oh, my God! Our final show! Britannica, heartbroken over Thomas, finds true love in the arms of her one, number one fan! Pull out all the stops.
You guys will get married in the ring.
That is our finale! You guys! I am so high! But this is a great idea.
Okay.
One: marry Cupcake.
Two: get a green card.
Three: divorce Cupcake.
Four: live happily ever after.
[SIGHING.]
[RUSSELL.]
You breaking into my apartment? Oh.
I brought Adam's Rib, Rosemary's Baby and Where's Papa? Which I haven't seen, but also has Ruth Gordon in it.
In case you're free.
I'm pretty busy.
Big Saturday night plans.
I only got three tacos, though.
I'm not hungry.
I'm really bad at this.
If you can't already tell, like, I've never had a healthy, uncomplicated romantic interaction with a man, period.
But I want to give this a chance.
You're a nice guy, and you've been really consistent, and I know that "consistent and nice" just sounds boring and that's just It's like something you say when you don't like someone's face, but I do like your face.
I know I should have said something like this weeks ago, but I just All this crap got in the way, and then I I broke my leg and then, you know I have these stupid crutches, - digging in my armpits - Okay, okay.
Just stop! You're literally wedged between two steps right now.
You're going to kill yourself.
Please, let me [BASH.]
Who needs cheese cubes or bikinis? 'Cause all we need is just good old fashioned producing.
I'm gonna send Jim Henson a goddamned gift basket.
Mnh-mnh.
You know what you should do? What you should do is send him a tape.
- I bet he'd be interested.
- He would! - Yeah! - This is perfect, for Muppets.
- You walk up to Joe Oh! - [RINGS.]
- Okay.
Here we go.
- You do the honors.
Bash Howard Productions, this is mega producer Bash Howard speaking.
Hi.
This is Dr.
Shiffron from San Francisco General Hospital.
Is this Sebastian Howard? Uh Yes.
What's going on? Are you in a private location? Or if not, we can set a time and I'll call you back.
No.
No, now's fine.
What's this about? Is this about Birdie? Did she Did she fall into the lake at the Tonga Room again? [LAUGHS.]
No, it's about Florian Becker.
He passed away this evening.
You're listed as the emergency contact.
Uh That's not That's not possible.
Sorry, what? How? Well, technically, pneumonia.
Listen, you should also know you may have trouble finding a funeral home that will take the body.
But if you visit the hospital, we could help make arrangements.
Okay? His mom's name is Eileen, same last name.
They live in Encino.
 I'm sorry.
I can't.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- [BEEPS.]
See the lonely man there on the corner What he's waiting for I don't know But he waits every day now He's just waiting for someone to show And nobody knows him And nobody cares 'Cause there's no hiding place There's no hiding place For you Looking everywhere at no one He sees everything and nothing at all Oh! When he shouts, nobody listens Where he leads, no one will go, oh! He's a lonely man there On the corner What he's waiting for I don't know Oh! But he waits every day now He's just waiting For that something to show, oh! Who's the lonely man there On the corner? What he's waiting for I don't know But he's there every day now And he's just waiting For something to show, oh! Who's the lonely man there On the corner? What he's waiting for I don't know But he waits every day now He's just waiting For that something to show
- [RUTH.]
Wait! What is this? Is this real? - Yeah, seriously! - [RUTH.]
This is real curriculum? - Yes, it's called "Family Living.
" "Family living?" That's a class? Oh, yeah.
And it's mandatory.
They make you get fake-married and take care of a plant and make a household budget.
God, I miss high school.
[JUSTINE.]
Whatever.
It's all regressive bullshit.
There's more girls than guys in the class, so they gave every husband two wives.
Ooh! Teen polygamy! And now I gotta meet with her teacher because she's failing this class that shouldn't exist in the first place.
I'm not failing.
I'm getting a "D.
" In protest.
Oh, right.
Right.
Oh, I can help clean up.
- No, no.
- [JUSTINE.]
You can barely walk.
Thanks for inviting me to family dinner.
Oh, it was Justine's idea.
I think she wanted a buffer.
Well, it's a nice way to spend our last night before our last week.
Can't believe families do this every night, right? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, Justine, I left two dresses in your room from Jenny.
You need to pick one for Winter Formal.
I'm not getting dressed up.
Billy and I are going ironically.
What? You're back together with Billy? We never broke up.
Hey, I'm gonna leave those dresses here in case you change your mind.
[JUSTINE.]
I won't.
Good night.
[RUTH.]
Night.
- All right, all right, all right.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Okay? - Thanks.
Whoa.
You made it - to the couch.
- [GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
Can you give me a ride back? I don't know.
Only if you're comfortable with a very tired drunk driver.
You know what? Why don't you just stay here? I can kick Justine out of the guest room.
She can sleep outside.
- No! - And you can I'm good with the couch.
See? I'm already here.
Yeah? I'm gonna just put these away, get this going.
[LAUGHS.]
[SAM.]
That was pretty good.
Oh, wait.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, this is better.
[RUTH.]
Thank you.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SAM.]
Justine! Turn down the fucking music! [JUSTINE.]
It's not that loud! [SAM.]
Sounds like someone's being murdered by a trash compactor! Ruthie's trying to sleep! Gregory! We leave in a week.
Would it kill you to put out a decent continental breakfast? Or at least give us cups? It's beautiful muffin meal.
I'll give you cups when you bring the plunger.
Oh! I can't believe it's ending! I love all of you.
I love all of you.
You're like my family.
How many of those have you sold? Fifty.
Cash money.
On my way to buy Earnest a new computer.
All part of my contingency plan.
Gotta think ahead, you know.
'Cause everything ends.
What's the plan, exactly? Acting class.
Then, pitch my own TV show to K-DTV and become the next Whoopi Goldberg! I want to take an acting class.
Okay, you can tag along, if you help put little leotards on my little queens.
Anyone want an application for The Limited? I picked up a few.
- Keeping my options open.
- Ooh.
[CHERRY BANG.]
We'll all find something.
And Sam's very loyal.
You'll see.
He'll keep calling you up to play a hyper-sexual cannibal alien - in a desert or some shit.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, it sounds great.
I can't fucking wait for that.
[TOBY.]
Britannica? - Oh.
- Britannica! - [CHERRY BANG.]
What is it? - Cupcake! [TOBY.]
Britannica.
[YOLANDA.]
Which one's this one again? [SHEILA.]
Cupcake is the one who bakes for her.
Not to be confused with the one who sends her chest hair clippings.
I'll miss you after next week.
But Britannica will live in your brain forever and always.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This can't end.
[GASPING.]
Britannica, I want to be there for you.
For everything from A to Z.
Will you marry me? [LAUGHS.]
You're too much! I'll see you at the match.
I'll blow you a kiss.
Wait.
So, is that a "maybe?" Go home, Cupcake! Go make a strudel or something.
 ¡Vale! - I love you.
- ¡A fuera! Okay.
I'm going.
- Rhonda has a stalker! - I know! Why don't I have a stalker? [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Ugh.
- [RINGING DOORBELL, KNOCKING.]
- [SIGHS.]
[WINCES.]
Can I help you? I'm Rosalie Biagi.
I'm looking for my daughter.
What was all that fucking noise? I'm the fucking noise.
I'm here for my kid.
Oh.
Yeah, hi.
I'm Sam.
I know who you are.
Where's Justine? Justine! I'm staying here! - No, you're not! - Yes, I fucking am! Oh, my God! Stop! I had sex with that woman 17 years ago, and now she's in my house, yelling at my daughter.
That's your family.
God! It's not like you give a shit where I am when I'm home.
You've got Brad.
And Brad's dumb kids.
They are not dumb, they're shy.
Oh, my God! Fine! Whatever! Then you can live with them! - I'm staying here! - They're so loud! You're loud! I should go.
I can get a cab.
No, don't! You can't.
I'm gonna say all the wrong shit, at the wrong time.
And then I'm gonna lose her.
And I don't want to lose her.
[ROSALIE.]
then fucking hate me, all the way fucking home, in the fucking car! [SOBS.]
Hey! Hey! What are you fucking looking at? I'll stay, but you should put on pants.
- So these are all buyers? - Syndicators.
Cable packagers.
We are gonna sell GLOW to stations all across the country.
We got a format that belongs to us, after next week.
So we just gotta find someone who appreciates innovation.
- Yeah, fuck K-DTV! - Right.
They were too small a pond for us.
So we have a booth? Lucky 225.
And you are our secret weapon.
Star.
Producer.
Bombshell! [LAUGHS.]
Did you bring a bikini? I asked you if you wanted me to come as Liberty Belle, and you said it would be unprofessional.
Hollywood Squares, Booth 24.
Champagne? Oh! Thank you.
[BASH.]
Wow.
Here we are! [HUMS.]
Let's just skip the humiliation and go right to getting drunk at the Hollywood Squares booth.
Okay, you know what? Forget the booth, okay? We've got everything we need right here on this tape.
We have no way to show them what is on the tape.
These people have headphones, monitors.
Okay, have you seen Muppets Take Manhattan? No.
Oh! Oh, Debbie.
Come here.
Let's go, Debs.
[LAUGHS.]
Yours? Mine.
Yours? Mine.
- [JENNY.]
Mine.
- [MELANIE.]
Yours.
- [JENNY.]
Mine.
- [MELANIE.]
Yours.
Hey, guys Mine! Ah! You gave it to me.
So I could have sex.
I did not have sex.
So the deal is off.
You're just jealous because I have a boyfriend.
Ooh, I'm gonna find out when you work at The Limited.
I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna try on everything.
Actually, Jenny, maybe I will grab one of those applications.
Yes! Oh my, God! If you guys work at The Limited and we work at the salon, - we'll all be working at the mall! - We can eat lunch at the food court! Yes! I can't answer this first question.
You don't know your name? No! What's a Social Security number? You don't have a Social Security number? How are you even working, like, right now? Well, what info did you put on the paperwork for the show? I think I just left that part blank.
- Rhonda.
- Rhonda.
You guys, it's fine.
Okay? I'm just I'm a little bit "off the grid," you know? Oh, try "illegal.
" Did you kill someone in England? I just like it here.
I want to stay.
You need to go to the British Consulate or whatever and like, get a visa.
My uncle Timmy did it, and he barely speaks English.
Now he owns, like, four doughnut shops.
I don't know.
I've gotten this far without an American ID.
I got this job, didn't I? Not everyone's as dumb as Bash.
The Limited is serious, okay? It's a very well-run company.
You're gonna need ID.
Just go! Just go to the Consulate.
It's gonna take, like, an hour.
Fine! I really think you people are making too big a deal over this.
Americans love British people.
They love us! We get exceptions.
[BRITISH ACCENT.]
Hello! I'd like a visa.
I've worn my gold suit to the Consulate.
So, Kermit goes into Sardi's and replaces Liza Minnelli's portrait with his own.
How many times have you seen this movie? Oh, Florian and I saw it like four times in theaters as my research for my life in the arts.
Anyway, so the rats are underneath the table, and they're whispering about how great the show is, and then, they get exposed, and everyone freaks out, and Sardi's is totally torn apart, and then Liza comes in.
She sees her portrait on the Sorry, you want to start a whisper campaign? - Yes! - Okay, great! So, let's shut up about the frog.
I'll follow your lead.
I need to replace a game show in Prime Access, and it's all retreads.
Gimme a Break is doing well for us, but what am I gonna come back with? An hour-long block of Mr.
Peepers? God, I love cheese.
Have you heard about these tapes going around? Was it GLOW? Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? Of course! But it's impossible to get a tape! They're playing very hard to get.
Though I did hear that King World is interested in GLOW.
Isn't that who bought Wheel of Fortune with 50K and syndicated it to a million markets? Sharks.
All right, now listen to me, Joel, okay? We need to come in high and hot with an offer, all right? Because GLOW is the hottest show out there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was lucky the producer even took my call.
Yeah, it's God, what is his name? It was It was so cool and fresh.
Oh, it was Bash Howard.
It was Bash Howard Productions.
I want to.
I wanna buy it.
Before those CBS affiliates sniff it out.
Oh, Carol, is it fresh! I mean, it's variety and wrestling.
It is like Monty Python meets Laugh-In meets Miami Vice meets Charlie's Angels.
Anyway, I grabbed the last copy of it.
Sounds like one of those very hip shows on MTV.
I bet we could go national with a property like that.
She's gone.
She's gone, and she took the tape.
Great.
Let's go to the men's room next.
Come on.
And maybe we should all just, you know, sit down and talk.
About what? She's been lying to me for months.
She's been calling me from her dorm room at a performing arts high school.
She's been forging her report cards.
Fuck! That's elaborate! [ROSALIE.]
What, are you proud? No! Well, yeah, maybe.
Look, she lies to me, too.
All right? She's got a gift.
Oh, don't do that.
Don't be cute.
In my defense, she did tell me you were crazy.
[ROSALIE.]
I don't care if she told you that I beat her.
The minute you realize that a child has run away from home, you call their mother.
Oh, yeah? Well, you know You didn't call me, to tell me you were having a kid.
Oh, well, excuse me for not calling the guy who didn't stay for breakfast! - I don't think that's what happened.
- I asked you if you wanted eggs.
You said, "I fucking hate eggs.
That was fun.
" And then you made the Black Power Fist and you left.
That sounds like a long time ago.
Thanks for the math, Tiny Tim.
Sam has really connected with Justine.
He enrolled her in high school, she joined AV Club.
She has a boyfriend, who's really sweet.
They're going to Winter Formal tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah, this This dance is very meaningful for her.
My kid does not go to dances.
Trust me.
Yes, I do! Which one should I wear? - Black one.
- Green one.
I agree with your mom.
Look.
It's one night.
And it'll give you two time to catch up.
Who are you? What Gonna go make coffee in the kitchen, in case anyone wants.
All right.
You're angry.
I get it.
All right, but I'm just trying to make up for lost time here, okay? And she's doing good in school except for this one bullshit class.
I have to go and talk to the teacher.
You know, she has a curfew.
I'm trying to teach her, you know, what I know about filmmaking.
I'm trying.
I'm trying here.
I'll let her go to the dance, and then after that, we're leaving.
I'm not gonna indulge in this father-daughter fucking fantasy.
She may want to know you.
She doesn't need you.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
I gotta say, you've really expanded my musical taste.
Yeah.
Same.
You can keep that tape, as a memento.
So you don't look back and think this was a big, bizarre dream.
We were really good together.
Well I just followed you.
You're amazing.
Fuck that.
Accept the compliment, okay? You are crazy good dancer, Arthie.
And you're really fun to live with.
You're the coolest.
True.
See how I accepted that? I don't want this to end.
What if we kept living together? I'd be into it.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison Through the darkness of the night I'd rather kill myself than dance to this.
If I leave the dance floor, you're never gonna see me again.
So We're dancing.
Fuck.
I don't want you to go.
I love you.
I love you.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison Through the darkness of the night I don't know what to do.
Why don't we just take off? Run off into the night together? Yeah.
We can crash in Blake's basement for a few weeks, and then Shitpope has a gig in New York over winter break.
And then, we'll just stay.
Fuck LA, fuck parents.
We can leave tonight.
Kyrie eleison Down the road that I must travel Kyrie eleison I've never been to New York.
[LAUGHS.]
Kyrie eleison Where I'm going, will you follow? I know I'm staring, but this is her first boyfriend.
Really? That explains the intensity.
Yeah.
I can't believe she's wearing a dress.
I'm getting married next year.
She won't wear anything that I like.
It's just been the two of us for a long time, so it's complicated.
People are complicated.
Not Brad.
It took me a long time to find somebody who is nice and uncomplicated.
You know, I used to date these guys that just would run so hot and then so fucking cold! I never knew where I stood.
It was exhausting, you know? Yeah, I know.
"Chaperone.
" Me, too.
Were we this lame when we were 17? I definitely was.
You couldn't pay a woman to touch me.
So, what do you do? I'm the director of a women's wrestling TV show.
You? I own a small chain of strip clubs.
Although my wife likes me to say that I'm a "small business owner.
" Chickie's.
Yeah.
"Come for the wings, stay for the breasts.
" - You know it? - Yeah, I know this place.
Are you kidding? Yeah, I've been there.
Well, next time you come by, you know, ask for me, Ray.
All right.
I'll do that.
So which one's yours? Oh, she's right over there.
I got to go.
Excuse me.
Sorry, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where you going? Outside.
To smoke.
Billy and I got into a fight.
Hmm.
You're lying.
Right? Catching on.
Billy's got a gig in New York.
I'm done with Rosalie.
She won't let me stay here.
So we're gonna roll.
Really? You're gonna "roll?" You're "rolling?" What, are you gonna be a roadie? Come on! Hey.
Hey, hey, Rosalie.
Fucking Benedict Arnold! She's your mother, all right? We're not keeping secrets from each other.
She's trying to leave with Billy.
God damn it, Justine! You can't control me.
I'm almost 18.
I can't do this again, okay? I can't.
You know what? I can.
So this is your big idea? This is your rebellion? You're gonna run away and be someone's girlfriend? I get it.
 You don't approve, man.
Who gives a shit whether or not I approve? Why do you care what I think? Stop caring what I think.
Stop following me around.
Stop following Billy around.
You're your own person, right? Why don't you be your own fucking person then? Look, I know you want to stay.
All right, I want you to stay.
But that might not happen.
That doesn't mean you capsize your future just to make a point.
Where you going? I'm going to tell Billy that I can't go to New York.
And then I'm gonna smoke pot in the parking lot.
Okay? [ROSALIE.]
Don't leave the state.
It's not fair.
She listens to you.
Well, yeah.
I mean, she hasn't been hearing my voice for 17 years, you know? It cuts through.
Look.
You did a great job, all right? You know, she's smart, strong-willed, self-possessed.
Really.
I mean, I couldn't have done it.
Still taking her home with me.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me? Oh-oh-oh Okay.
Fine.
Maybe I didn't need you to come.
This DJ is pretty great.
And a Freshman asked me to dance, but I said no.
Oh, you heart breaker! [LAUGHS.]
You want to dance with an adult? I can't dance! Come on! You can do a music video about kidnapping, but you can't get up and pretend to hop around for a second or two? Come on.
Don't you want me, baby? Just lean on me.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
[SLOW-TEMPO SONG PLAYING.]
All right, so, fast, slow.
Doesn't matter.
I'm gonna do the same moves.
- [RUTH.]
Okay.
- All right.
Okay.
Did you win over Rosalie? Well She's taking Justine home.
I'm sorry.
Strangers making the most Of the dark Two by two their bodies become one I see you through the smoky air Can't you feel the weight of my stare? You're so close But still a world away My ankle hurts! All right.
You want to sit down, or No, I should go.
Don't go.
I'll drive you home.
No, it's Justine's last night.
You stay.
I'll get a cab.
Ruth? Ruth? I never wanted anyone like this It's all brand-new You'll feel it in my kiss I'm crazy for you - So, when people call, - Mm-hmm.
what do we say? Do you want to buy GLOW? No, no.
We're in the power position.
Okay? They're calling us.
So, we invite them to a live taping, we get them even more excited, and, you know, they'll see other buyers there, and then we can negotiate from a place of strength.
- Unless no one calls.
- Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
Thank God we didn't tell anyone we were coming.
Yeah, it'll be like this day never happened.
Yeah.
Just like the show.
Hey, at least we got to spend a lovely night together getting drunk in Anaheim.
Yeah.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Do Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Bash Howard Productions.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
You do? I mean, of course you do.
Yes, great.
Terrific.
Well, we are having a live taping next week.
Well, it's our final show.
Then, we will reserve you a seat.
Uh-huh.
Same address that's on the tape.
Yep.
Seven o'clock.
Okay Okay.
Great.
Yes.
 You too.
[SCREAMS.]
Who was that? Fuck! Uh Joe.
John, Joe.
[GASPS.]
Um He programs for the Chicago market "Joe Chicago!" Next time, you need to get a name.
Okay, okay.
Write that down.
- Whoo-hoo! Joe Chicago! - Joe Chicago.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Your turn.
Here.
Red button! Red button! Red button! - Pick up the pen.
Pick up the pen.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Bash Howard Productions.
[BASH.]
Good.
Mr.
Howard is on the other line with Chicago.
Hold, please.
We better have a good show if we are inviting buyers.
Carmen is on it.
- [WOMEN CHANTING.]
Smoke that bong! - [CHEERING.]
I did a drug! All right, all right! Pipe down, pipe down.
So, is this team meeting about the finale ideas happening? 'Cause if it's not - gimme that bong! - [CHEERING.]
- You guys! Cherry Bong! - [LAUGHING.]
- [RUTH.]
Cherry Bong! - [ALL SHOUTING.]
Oh, no.
I'm saying no to drugs.
Fuck that! Why are you being such a drag today? Oh, fuck off, Jenny! Because I'm sad! Okay.
What if GLOW was the most exciting part of my life, and now it's over? Dummy Look, no matter what happens Your life will always be exciting because you're totally psycho.
Keep the jacket.
Oh, I will.
Because it's mine.
Rhonda, what are you doing? - Packing up.
- Why? What's going on? I took your great advice, and I went to the consulate, and then they sent me to the immigration office, and now I have 30 days to leave the country! - You're being deported? - Asked to leave.
And if I don't, deported.
Yes.
Oh, sweetie! We'll go back with you tomorrow and we'll fix it.
You can't! I'm on the records.
Okay? I can't believe I listened to you guys! I was getting by just fine by myself, like I always do.
And now, I have to go back to my alcoholic parents in Bromley and have frizzy hair and be miserable! [SIGHS.]
Anyway, goodbye forever.
She just has to marry an American.
Oh, my God! Cupcake! No! I mean, yes, perfect solution, and no, I don't have a better idea, but fucking no! No! Oh, my God! Our final show! Britannica, heartbroken over Thomas, finds true love in the arms of her one, number one fan! Pull out all the stops.
You guys will get married in the ring.
That is our finale! You guys! I am so high! But this is a great idea.
Okay.
One: marry Cupcake.
Two: get a green card.
Three: divorce Cupcake.
Four: live happily ever after.
[SIGHING.]
[RUSSELL.]
You breaking into my apartment? Oh.
I brought Adam's Rib, Rosemary's Baby and Where's Papa? Which I haven't seen, but also has Ruth Gordon in it.
In case you're free.
I'm pretty busy.
Big Saturday night plans.
I only got three tacos, though.
I'm not hungry.
I'm really bad at this.
If you can't already tell, like, I've never had a healthy, uncomplicated romantic interaction with a man, period.
But I want to give this a chance.
You're a nice guy, and you've been really consistent, and I know that "consistent and nice" just sounds boring and that's just It's like something you say when you don't like someone's face, but I do like your face.
I know I should have said something like this weeks ago, but I just All this crap got in the way, and then I I broke my leg and then, you know I have these stupid crutches, - digging in my armpits - Okay, okay.
Just stop! You're literally wedged between two steps right now.
You're going to kill yourself.
Please, let me [BASH.]
Who needs cheese cubes or bikinis? 'Cause all we need is just good old fashioned producing.
I'm gonna send Jim Henson a goddamned gift basket.
Mnh-mnh.
You know what you should do? What you should do is send him a tape.
- I bet he'd be interested.
- He would! - Yeah! - This is perfect, for Muppets.
- You walk up to Joe Oh! - [RINGS.]
- Okay.
Here we go.
- You do the honors.
Bash Howard Productions, this is mega producer Bash Howard speaking.
Hi.
This is Dr.
Shiffron from San Francisco General Hospital.
Is this Sebastian Howard? Uh Yes.
What's going on? Are you in a private location? Or if not, we can set a time and I'll call you back.
No.
No, now's fine.
What's this about? Is this about Birdie? Did she Did she fall into the lake at the Tonga Room again? [LAUGHS.]
No, it's about Florian Becker.
He passed away this evening.
You're listed as the emergency contact.
Uh That's not That's not possible.
Sorry, what? How? Well, technically, pneumonia.
Listen, you should also know you may have trouble finding a funeral home that will take the body.
But if you visit the hospital, we could help make arrangements.
Okay? His mom's name is Eileen, same last name.
They live in Encino.
 I'm sorry.
I can't.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- [BEEPS.]
See the lonely man there on the corner What he's waiting for I don't know But he waits every day now He's just waiting for someone to show And nobody knows him And nobody cares 'Cause there's no hiding place There's no hiding place For you Looking everywhere at no one He sees everything and nothing at all Oh! When he shouts, nobody listens Where he leads, no one will go, oh! He's a lonely man there On the corner What he's waiting for I don't know Oh! But he waits every day now He's just waiting For that something to show, oh! Who's the lonely man there On the corner? What he's waiting for I don't know But he's there every day now And he's just waiting For something to show, oh! Who's the lonely man there On the corner? What he's waiting for I don't know But he waits every day now He's just waiting For that something to show