Grand Crew (2021) s02e09 Episode Script

1
"Los Angeles County has
almost 10 million people,
and everyone is in the
pursuit of a happier life,
whatever that might be.
For me, it meant getting
clarity on my love life
and trying to figure out
exactly what I wAAAaaaaant.
Dang it, the letter A on my keyboard
keeps getting jaaAAAaamed."
[SIGHS]
"So in order to find that clarity,
my therapist suggested
that I start journaliiiing.
DAAaaaaaay "
Oh, come on!
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
"Welp." [GROANS] "I guess the
letter I is jammed as well.
Anyway, it felt like
a new chapter for me
and the whole crew,
and I was loOOOkiiing
foooorward to ohhh nOOoo.
I need a new compuuterrrrr."
Whoop, whoop ♪
Cabernet and sauvignon ♪
Team is here and now it's on ♪
Carry on and Carignan,
sippin' on Perignon ♪
Fine wine, got notes like a cello ♪
Pull up in the spot like hello ♪
If you got me, then I got you ♪
This is the vibe, this is the crew ♪
Grand crew, grand crew, uh ♪
Grand crew, grand
crew, grand crew, uh ♪
Grand crew ♪
What's going on over there, Wyatt?
Why you cheesin' so hard?
Oh, my niece Nadine is coming to visit.
Well, she's not really my niece.
She's my cousin, but
y'all know how we do.
- Yeah, of course.
- So her mom is going through
a bit of a rough patch, so she's staying
for a couple of weeks,
and it's just gonna be
the two of us until
Kristen gets back in town.
Oh, wow. She's really growing up.
- [LAUGHS]
- Last time we saw her,
she was, like, all small
and her face was all smushy
and she didn't have any teeth.
- You mean when she was a baby?
- Yeah.
Yeah, maybe that was what it was.
It's gonna be a lot of responsibility,
but I'm not worried because I have a lot
of experience being a
dad to all my plants.
What are you gonna do, water your niece?
What I mean is, this is
gonna be kind of a chance
for me to be fatherly in
a different kind of way.
Ah, yes, because being a plant dad
is in no way, shape,
or form real fatherhood.
My niece is visiting, and I'm excited.
Let's move on. Noah's dating again.
What? Hold up. You just can't change
- the subject like that.
- Uh, yes he can.
What's up with you,
Noah? You boo'd up again?
I knew you'd just hop
back into a relationship.
You disgust me.
Yo, chill out, okay?
After everything went
down with me and Simone,
I obviously needed some time to myself,
but, yeah, you know, I'm
finally searching again.
But I'm also cool just to have
some adventures along the way.
Okay, so you talking about a ho phase.
No, I'm talking about a phase
where I search for my person
without any expectations
and I prioritize my growth.
Mm, textbook ho language.
Look, anyway, you know,
I've been journalin' daily
and then doin' a lot of reflection.
And I even have a third
date with someone this week,
and I'm just really excited
- To have sex.
- No.
I'm excited to get to know her.
- Sexually.
- No.
I mean
I mean, I'm not not excited
to get to know her sexually.
You know what I'ma call ya?
- Ho-ah.
- [LAUGHS]
- Please don't.
- To Ho-ah.
ALL: To Ho-ah. [LAUGHTER]
"I did not like being called Ho-ah.
I mean, what kind of
nickname is Ho-ah anyway?
Just swappin' out one letter.
In any case, I was excited
to see what these streets
had in store for me.
Meanwhile, my two ho-ass friends,
Anthony and Sherm, were chillin'."
Previously on "Probably Pregnant"
I don't think I'm pregnant,
but also I don't use condoms
and I've been getting real
sick in the morning time,
so who knows?
[GRUNTS]
Yo, you think she's pregnant?
Probably?
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Come in.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, what's up?
Oh, I love this show.
You won't believe it,
but she's not actually pregnant.
- It's just a big cyst.
- Oh, come on!
- Damn, Nicky!
- What?
Did you actually come over
here to tell me something,
or did you just come over
here to ruin the show?
No. You know how you've been, like,
casually searching for a house for years
and you made me promise you
that if I ever found one,
- I'd let you know?
- Yeah.
- I found you a house.
- Interesting.
Yeah, but you know
I'm pretty particular,
and I've never come close
to finding the right place.
Yeah, 'cause you haven't been
using a professional like me.
Kind of like how I was doing my taxes
by myself until you helped me.
You weren't filing your taxes at all.
No, I wasn't, but you
helped me understand
how important it is to file your taxes.
I can't go to jail. She too cute.
Come on, let me help
you like you helped me.
Don't get your hopes up, Nicky.
It's gonna take a miracle to get Anthony
to move out of his conveniently located,
rent-controlled apartment.
And let's be real.
Havin' me as a roommate
is the real American dream.
It definitely is not.
Come on. Lemme just show you the place.
There's an open house tomorrow.
- Okay, word.
- Okay. Yes. [LAUGHS]
"And later that night,
I was on a date with Jordan,
a search engine optimization engineer
for Google who lived
in Atwater Village."
Thank you so much for helping
me set up my new computer.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- It's nothing.
This stuff is second nature to me.
- Mm.
- But just a heads-up
- Mm-hmm.
- You need stronger passwords.
Noah143 isn't gonna cut it.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, I've been using
that password for, like, 20 years.
Now is probably a good
time to rethink that.
Fo' sho. [CHUCKLES]
So I hope this isn't too forward,
but I think it's sexy how
good you are with tech.
Well, I'm good with a lot of things.
Oh, really? Like what?
Well, I also play tennis,
and I dabble in pottery.
Oh, you talking about actual hobbies?
I'm kidding. I was
talking about hooking up.
Oh, thank goodness. Do
you wanna get outta here?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Let's go right now.
"And so our adventure
continued back at her place,
and we got it on all night long."
[SILK'S "FREAK ME"]
Let me lick you up and down ♪
"Yep, all night long.
Like, for real.
All night long."
[VOCALIZING]
"Like, literally, the whole night."
Baby ♪
"I mean, I was up
till the early morning,
puttin' in that work, and so was Nicky,
trying to sell Anthony a new home."
So Anthony, what do you think?
Meh.
No, I'm just kidding.
It's everything I ever
envisioned in a first home.
- I'm sorry I doubted you.
- Nicky forgives you,
- but Nicole never forgets.
- [LAUGHS] Okay, noted.
This could really all be yours.
But it's a lot of space for one person.
I mean, you don't have any kids.
You don't have a wife.
You don't even have a girlfriend.
- Rude.
- I mean, he's right.
- I am single as hell.
- Okay, whatever.
Here's what I ask all my clients.
What did you feel when you
walked in through that door?
It felt good.
I felt it in my chest.
Mm, that is a good sign.
The boobies are where
the house chakras are.
This is a perfect opportunity.
Houses appreciate every year.
Think about what this is gonna do
to your personal balance sheet.
Long-term appreciation? Ooh, yummy.
[LAUGHS] You know what? I'm in.
- Yes!
- What?
Ooh, let's take another lap.
"Anthony was feeling all types
of house chakras in his boobies.
Sherm, on the other hand "
Fantastic.
[GASPS] Ay, yo, my man.
Please buy this house.
So my third date with
that girl Jordan went great
and then we had sex for five hours.
Was there an issue,
or is this just a flex?
Initially, that was a
flex, but then last night,
we hooked up for the
same amount of time again.
I think this is her ideal sex time.
Damn, every time?
That's a part-time job.
Yeah, she owes you money.
Yeah, well, I'm glad we all can agree
that five hours is a bit much.
So what are y'all's sex times?
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Come on, really?
- I'm not goin' first.
- Yep, neither am I.
Wyatt told me to text him
if anything juicy popped off.
All right, I'll go first.
50 minutes.
50 minutes, really?
I'ma say 30 minutes.
If we both can't achieve
satisfaction in the time
it takes me to watch a
episode of "Family Guy,"
then we doin' something wrong.
Also, I like to have
"Family Guy" on in the background.
Bro, that's a whole other conversation.
But I can get a lot done
- in 25 to 45 minutes.
- [PHONE DINGS]
Okay, Wyatt texted me back.
He says, "During the week,
Kristen and I will get busy
anywhere from 4 to 20 minutes
to accommodate her schedule.
But on weekends, it's all night long,
and sometimes I do this
thing with my nose"
- No, no, no.
- Please stop, no.
- Stop, ugh.
- Wild.
Anthony?
I mean, mine's right
around where y'all are at.
[SCOFFS]
Fine, my ideal sex time is
41 minutes and 14 seconds.
You got it down to the second?
What? Don't judge me.
I didn't judge you.
That's 9 minutes of
disrobing and kisses,
17 minutes of foreplay and shenanigans,
15 minutes of intercourse,
and 14 seconds for a
simultaneous finish.
- Simultaneous finish?
- When possible.
Now it's not always achieved,
but it's always the goal.
Mm, but what is "shenanigans," though?
Oh, so you're not saying nothing?
"I didn't think these streets
were gonna be so stressful,
but hearing that everyone's sex times
were under five hours made me wonder
if I should bring this up with Jordan.
At the same time, my
boy Wyatt was trying
to make his house a home
for his niece Nadine."
All right, now, did you have a good time
at the Bob Baker Marionette Theater?
- Yes.
- And who is the best uncle that you know?
Weezy.
- Sss.
- [LAUGHS]
- Some lunch?
- Yes, please.
Great.
Oh, what's that you got there?
"Finding Frederick Douglass."
There's different pictures
with lots of stuff in
them, and you have to try
and find Frederick
Douglass in the picture.
Oh, so it's like "Where's Waldo?"
That's fun. You know what?
Let's see who can find him first.
- Found him!
- Oh.
Don't tell me. [LAUGHS]
Oh, there he is. That that
no, that's a coconut.
Huh.
Huh.
Where in the heck is he?
And while Wyatt was searching
for Frederick Douglass,
Sherm was searching for a way
not to lose Anthony as a roommate.
You know, my grandpa
Maxim never bought a house.
He always rented, lived
to be 108 years old.
Wow, that's amazing.
And my cousin Bud died when he was 28,
the same year he bought his first home.
- Damn.
- Now those two are completely unrelated,
but it does make you wonder.
Anyway, that's not gonna be your story.
- [LAUGHS]
- I hope not.
Though I guess buying a
house is kind of a gamble.
Oh, yeah, but a good gamble.
You know, I admire
somebody with the confidence
to throw their whole life savings
into something that could
just burn down or flood
or just fall to the
ground for no reason.
Dang.
Houses do be fallin', huh?
Oh, houses stay fallin'.
But again, not gonna be you.
[LAUGHS] I know it.
I'm happy about this move for you.
I love it, even though
it's all goin' kind of fast.
It is moving kind of fast, huh?
Sherm scared the hell outta Anthony.
[LAUGHS] I mean, he was really shook.
But maybe Sherm was right.
Why not play it safe?
Why disrupt a good thing?
Hey, I got you that zinfandel
with notes of black plum, raspberries.
That's what you're
drinking nowadays, right?
- Yes, it is. Thank you kindly.
- Of course.
I also got you something else.
Let's see what this is, hmm.
Wow, this is a dope fitted.
[LAUGHS] Now, Nicky, you mind telling me
what this is all about?
Oh, it's just a thoughtful
gesture between friends.
Also, if you happen to
have another conversation
with Anthony about buying houses,
maybe you just keep your mouth shut.
[LAUGHS] It all makes sense now.
Listen, Anthony not movin'
forward with that house
has nothing to do with me.
He said it is because of you.
Okay, maybe it has a
little bit to do with me.
But if he don't want the
house, he don't want the house.
Sherm, this is a really
great opportunity for him,
and you're messing it up.
You just mad because
I'm taking commission
outta your pocket.
Please stop trying to profit
off of our friend group.
We are not the Temptations.
Maybe we are the Temptations,
and you're David Ruffin
bein' all selfish, not
letting the group be its best.
You take that back.
I am not David Ruffin.
You are David Ruffin.
You are making this all about you.
Anthony is a VP at his accounting firm.
He makes more money than
anyone in our friend group,
and he was really
excited about that house.
- You sure about that?
- Yeah.
And you're holding him back
because you're comfortable
just staying at the same
level, and that's messed up.
- And I'm taking back this bribe.
- Oh.
But I want that hat.
I'll pay you for it.
At least tell me where you got it.
Later that night in Atwater Village,
I was ready to speak my
sexual truth to Jordan.
The only question was,
would she accept it?
So, hey, I I wanted to
talk to you about something.
Absolutely. Is everything okay?
Yeah, for sure.
Uh, so you know
I've just been getting back out there
after my ex-girlfriend's
divorce and deportation.
- Huh?
- That's not important.
But what is important
is, I've been journaling
about my feelings so I don't
fall into my old patterns,
where the old me would
rush in and maybe avoid
uncomfortable conversations.
What's the uncomfortable conversation?
Um
I don't know that I can
have sex for five hours
every single time.
Oh.
Well, that's okay.
Look, I just work out a lot,
and so I approach sex the same way.
Going long is fun for me.
And that's great, and I
pssh, hey, I respect that.
Well, how long do you like to go for?
I mean, I'm more of
a, like, 45-minute guy,
but I know what you like.
You know, I figure we could
meet somewhere in between?
That sounds good to me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Perfect.
And we had sex for
I wanna get freaky with you, girl ♪
Not as long, and it was great.
- That was nice.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that definitely was.
Um, do you maybe wanna spend the night?
Sure, I mean, if you're cool with it.
I am.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Man, this was great.
Speaking my sexual truth
really worked out for the both of us.
I was satisfied. Jordan was
[VIBRATING]
Hold up. Was she
"So the previous night
left me feeling like, 'Damn,
I don't want Jordan to have
to use electronic assistance
after we hook up,'
so there was only one
thing for me to do:
get my conditioning up
because if Jordan
wanted to go all night,
I needed to get my body right."
Let me lay it on the line ♪
I got a little freakiness inside ♪
And you know that the
man has gotta deal with it ♪
[ADINA HOWARD'S "FREAK LIKE ME"]
'Cause I will be a
freak until the day ♪
Until the dawn ♪
And we can boom boom
all through the night ♪
Till the early morn ♪
Come on and I will
take you around the hood ♪
- On a gangsta lean ♪
- One to the two ♪
To the two, to the three ♪
Adina, do you wanna
get freaky with me? ♪
'Cause I will be a
freak until the day ♪
Until the dawn ♪
And while my heart rate was bumpin',
so was Sherm's subconscious
after his fight with Nicky.
[LIGHT MUSIC]
♪
"Top 40 Most Successful People
in the World that Still Have Roommates"?
What the hell?
Sherm, hurry up.
Season 50 of "Probably
Pregnant" is about to start.
Season 50?
This show just started.
Why do you look like that?
[GROANS] Yo. [LAUGHS]
- What the hell?
- What up, roommate?
Yeah, what's good? What's good?
- [LAUGHS]
- [DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
Anthony.
I know you been searchin' for
a house for the last 35 years,
but I think I finally found you the one.
Ah, Nicky, chill. Don't you get it?
I ain't goin' nowhere,
baby. [LAUGHING] Come on.
Sherm has really held you back.
Y'all have never grown up.
Sherm is my ride-or-die.
[GROANING]
- [MOANS]
- Anthony.
I just realized I should've
bought a house years ago.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, come on.
Sherm, this is all your fault.
Aah!
And while Nicky was
haunting Sherm's dreams,
Frederick Douglass was haunting Wyatt.
After days, he still couldn't
find him in that book.
- Can you believe that?
- Thanks, Uncle Wyatt.
My pleasure, niece-piece.
So do you wanna play "Finding
Frederick Douglass" with me?
How 'bout we give it a rest?
You should be spending
more of your time on books
with words in them, don't you think?
- I guess.
- Okay.
Well, I have some work
to do in the studio
for a couple of hours, so just
knock if you need me, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Okay, Mr. Douglass, where are you?
Wyatt couldn't help himself.
At this point, it was bigger
than Frederick Douglass,
so he searched
and he searched
and he searched.
♪
He even researched.
The man went crazy.
I mean, look at this guy.
And he seemed to come close
but Frederick Douglass
evaded him yet again.
Frederick Douglass
[VOICE ECHOING] Where are you?
Meanwhile, Sherm had a big ol' epiphany,
and he was ready to share
it with Anthony and Nicky.
Anthony, Nicky, thank
you for meeting me.
What's this about, Sherm?
Anthony, I think you
should bid on the house.
Really? What made you change your mind?
It came to me in a dream.
But what about all that
stuff you were saying earlier?
I had a change of heart,
another classic Sherm 180.
I can see now I was being selfish.
Are you sure this had nothing to do
with the conversation we had earlier?
No.
Anthony, you a VP at an accounting firm.
You got more savings
than the whole crew.
- You're ready for this.
- That's exactly what I said.
- Give me some credit.
- No. It came to me in a dream.
- Was I in the dream?
- Nicky, these thoughts
are coming to me in real time.
If you could please stop interrupting.
You know, I've always fantasized
about having two offices,
one for business and one for pleasure.
See, that's insane, but you deserve it.
And I don't wanna see
you die in our apartment.
Yeah, I don't know what that's about.
Hey, Nicky, is there still time
- to bid on that house?
- Yes.
They're accepting counteroffers,
but it's gonna be competitive.
Then let's compete!
[LAUGHS] I'm back in.
Yes, and Nicky, please
don't screw this up.
But you're the one that
almost screwed it up.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Why is your memory so selective?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey, Nicky. Sup?
Don't you "Nicky" me.
I heard every word you said about me,
- you bitch.
- Huh?
Nicky, this is Anthony.
Oops, sorry. That was a misdial.
But hey, I was gonna call
you after I called my enemy.
Look, we're down to
best and final offers,
so you're gonna have to
put up some more money
- if you wanna get the house.
- [GROANS]
I can't go much higher
than where we're at.
- I'm already pushin' it.
- Okay. I understand.
This just isn't the one, I guess.
Yeah, but listen, I will
find you something, I promise.
There are other homes out there.
Okay. Thanks.
- All right, bye.
- Peace.
And while Anthony's search
for a home came to a halt,
Wyatt's obsession
with Frederick Douglass
was affecting his relationship
with little Nadine.
Hey, Nadine. Whatcha got there?
Nothing.
Nadine, you know you don't
have to hide stuff from me.
What is it?
- It's drugs.
- What? What?
Dru
[GROANS]
It's just "Finding Frederick Douglass."
Why would you tell me it's drugs?
I don't know. I panicked.
It's just I know you hate the book.
I thought drugs would
stress you out less.
Well, I I don't
I don't hate the book.
It's just I'm very, very bad at it.
I usually do this book
every night before bed with my mom,
and I wanted to play it with you
because you're my favorite uncle.
I am so sorry, Nadine.
I didn't mean to keep
you from this book.
And it doesn't even matter
if I'm terrible at it.
You know what?
- Let's play.
- Okay.
- Thanks, Uncle Weezy.
- [CHUCKLES]
[CHILL MUSIC]
Do you see Frederick Douglass yet?
- Of course not.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Anthony!
- Ow!
Who slaps somebody in
the back of the head?
Me. I do.
I've got great news.
- You got the house.
- What?
The owner, she changed her mind.
- For real? Why?
- Well, apparently,
your current and
soon-to-be former roommate
wrote a very convincing letter.
- Sherm made this happen?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- The house is yours.
- Congrats!
- We did it!
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, you're the best.
And after some serious work in the gym,
I was ready to go the distance
with the Google engineer.
Hey, so I wanted to talk to you.
About the sex? Oh.
I I know I asked
for shorter sessions,
but I am totally
prepared to go long again.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Okay, well, that's great.
But Noah, what you said about
not avoiding uncomfortable
conversations
it kind of inspired me to
face what I want head-on.
That's great. What's up?
Well
I really like you and I
wanna be your girlfriend.
So Jordan wanted to go the distance
in the bedroom and
out, and in that moment,
I had to search myself.
Old Noah would be doing backflips
and picking out baby names.
I'm sorry, but
that's just not where I'm at right now.
But these were different times.
Oh, okay.
Well, I thought we were vibing.
I fixed your computer.
You spent the night. I
don't do that with everyone.
Um, but, you know, it's cool, yeah.
Jordan, I'm sorry.
I I guess I should get going.
Hey, do you wanna have sex
all night one last time?
Fo' sho.
- BOTH: Mmm.
- I had been wondering
for a long time if I could get back
into the dating scene
without committing too fast,
and I finally had my answer.
Five hours later, Jordan and
I officially stopped dating.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
It felt like a new day for all of us,
and like we were all
searching for something.
BOTH: And we were starting to find it.
We were also reaffirming
aspects of our lives
That we had wanted for a long time.
And hacking Noah's cloud and
reading his private journal
has made me realize that maybe I
should search a little bit less.
I guess we're all a work in progress.
Yeah.
Not a doctor. Shh.