Gravity Falls (2012) s02e09 Episode Script

Whoa! That cloud looks like a chipmunk.
- Barfing an airplane.
- It does.
Uh, that cloud looks like uh, a cloud.
- Boo! - Thompson, stop being - the worst at everything.
- Sorry, guys.
Look at the clouds.
Ooh! That cloud looks like a big heart-shaped balloon.
Clouds don't come in colors.
That is a balloon.
Oh, dude, it's the woodstick festival.
- Wait.
The wood what? - It's this annual outdoor concert featuring oregon's up-and-coming indie bands.
Hey.
They're all coming.
Scarves indoors, Wood grain on everything, Love God.
You've probably seen him in that viral video.
Who's ready for love tonight? Oh.
Ow! Ow! I hope nobody's filming this.
Whoa, like a real concert concert? I've I've never actually been to one of those before.
That's because you've never had an awesome crew - to roll with before.
- Come on, Thompson.
Lick that sponge.
Lick that sponge.
Oh! I can't believe he's doing it.
- What is he doing? - When you're with us, you're in.
Ghosty sounds.
Cemetery ghosty sounds! It's coming from that open grave.
- You look.
- No.
You look.
Thompson, go look.
Heh.
Nice use of Thompson.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
Gaze upon death.
2x09 - The Love God Ugh! It's even creepier than I expected.
Why did she leave me? - Robbie? - Wendy! Oh.
Uh.
Hey, what's up? Just hanging out in this grave, you know.
Regular.
Regular day for me.
Whoa, dude, we haven't seen you in, like, a million years.
Where have you been? You're not still mourning our break-up, are you? What? No way.
Robbie, we split up forever ago.
It's really sweet you'd throw yourself into a grave for me, but, man, time to move on.
What? I've totally moved on.
Wendy, I miss you so much I'll never move on never ever That was a different Wendy.
Unrelated Wendy.
Dude, this is getting really awkward.
Yeah, the cemetery used to be fun.
Now it's just depressing.
Wait.
You guys, he's in pain.
We can't just ditch him here.
Come on, Mabel.
It's Robbie.
But he's suffering.
How can I be happy if I know someone else is sad? It totally throws off my happiness chart.
Mabel, trust me.
If there's one thing I've learned this summer, it's not to get mixed up in needless romantic drama.
Besides, we're finally in with Wendy's friends.
With Robbie gone, there's a good social balance.
Maybe we should just let a good thing be, you know? Just eat me already, man.
I was just being dramatic.
Quit it.
Ow! Ow! My face.
Vulture! Oh, man.
I'm sorry you guys had to see that.
You know, what Robbie needs? A new girl.
Romance is like gum.
Once it's lost its flavor, you just cram another one in.
Mabel, it's not that easy.
It is if you're the world's greatest matchmaker.
I've never had an unhappy customer.
- Like Soos and Melody.
- Watch this.
Walking down some actual stairs.
- Did it look cool? - The coolest.
Match made! And then, of course, there's Waddles and Gompers.
Match made.
That might work for a goat and a pig, but Robbie's a hopeless case.
Hopeless case, e-e-e-e-eh? Putting a rainbow wig on a big white gorilla What the? Oh, no.
Hot air balloons.
Fixed gear bikes.
singing 'bout the open road my sandals are so open-toed Folk music! It's the Woodstick festival! Soos! Lock down the shack and hide my shirts before anyone tie-dyes them! They're slow.
I can probably take a few down.
Wait, Mr.
Pines! I've been thinking.
Every year this festival comes by and every year you shun what could be potential customers.
You really think I can make money off of these free-loading, kale-munching freak shows? You just got to figure out what appeals to them.
Hmm.
How do I appeal to young people? So young people are into hot air balloons, e-e-e-e-eh? All right, Mabel.
Robbie's a broken teacup, and you're going to piece him back together.
Okay, this could get intense.
- Howdy doo! - Happy day! It is intense! You're Robbie's parents? I always thought he was, like, raised by sad wolves or something.
Oh, well, he doesn't like to talk about us.
He always says we're too cheerful for funeral directors.
Come in.
Come in.
- Cracker platter? - Oh, no time for crackers.
Sorry.
I'm here to cheer Robbie up.
Cannot have a dry cracker mouth for that.
Robbie Stacey Valentino! There's little a girl here to see you.
You go on up.
And could you bring him his lunch? Lady, I like your style.
You know who would look good in a sweater like that? - Mrs.
Grabelson's remains! - Oh, absolutely! Robbie, it's Mabel! Who? Remember me? I'm like girl Dipper.
Ugh, go away.
I heard a "come in.
" Ahh! Hey! Listen, kid, nobody in the Pines family is welcome here.
In case you forgot, your stupid brother is the one who ruined my life! And Mabel's the one who's gonna fix it.
Listen, Robbie, I always used to see you as a creepy jerk.
Like the human version of rat poison.
- Uh, go on.
- But when I saw you in the cemetery today, I realized, Robbie's not a bad guy.
He's just a heartbroken soul who needs love and gloves with fingers.
- Hey, fingerless gloves look awesome.
- No, they don't.
Robbie, you just need a good matchmaker.
I guarantee I'll find you true love, or twice your sadness back.
If I say yes, will you leave my room? I guarantee it.
Okay, Gravity Falls, who wants to go out with Robbie? Okay.
Lazy Susan, too old.
Grenda, too young.
Multi-bear? I'm putting you in the "maybe" pile.
Who could it be? Who could it be? What's that, Gompers? Someone we already know? But who could possibly be superficial and gothy enough for Of course, that's it! You two really are America's favorite power couple.
More snacks! More snacks! More snacks! I'm just happy to be included.
Ha! This is brilliant.
The perfect way to sneak cheap snacks into the concert.
- And it was all Dipper's idea.
- Whoo! Nice.
- Well done.
- Ideas! Kid, I sense greatness in you.
Oh, well, I don't know about - Greatness! - All right, now, everyone go home and finish getting ready for the concert.
- Hey, don't wait up, Tambers.
- Don't call me Tambers.
Classic Tambers.
"Tambry.
You.
Me.
Date.
Bring that sweet, sweet bod.
Your secret admirer.
" Love is about to happen, Lazy Susan.
Watch and learn.
Ugh! Robbie? - You're my secret admirer? - Tambry? Ugh! This is just what I get for trusting a toddler.
Listen, I don't think this is gonna work out.
Dating somebody I already know? It's kind of like admitting defeat.
- Um, way to assume I'm even interested.
- Tambry, let's be real.
If I wanted to date you, I would have done it already.
I'm just a little out of your league.
Whoa, is that mustard? Don't want to waste that bad boy.
Status update.
On blind date with sociopath.
Oh, sure.
Bring out the phone.
Classic Tambers.
Hey, can I get some chili fries? To go! What? How is this possible? I'm supposed to be the best matchmaker ever.
Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Let's go.
Let's go.
Whoo-hoo! Who's ready to fall in love tonight? Love God! That's what they call me.
We're rewriting history tonight, and it starts with you and you.
Love is real and it's in your face! What's your name, you little angel? Meredith.
Meredith, Meredith, we got a problem.
That cutie right there is your soulmate and you're living without him.
Oh, no.
What do I do? Get it, girl.
You know what you love.
Pow! Match made! Ha-ha! I must know how this works! Hi.
Love God? Mabel here.
Big fan.
Can I just say, that was some of the finest matchmaking I've ever seen? Can you please, please, please tell me your secret? Well, between you and me, let's just say, my name's not exactly a coincidence.
Oh.
My.
Love God.
- Are you an actual love god? - Call me a cherub.
The internet pretty much does my job for me nowadays, so I've taken some time to focus on my rock career.
Boom.
Cassette.
Boom.
For you.
Oh! That's great.
So anyway, can you make anything fall in love? Like that snake and that badger? Hmm.
Ah, gee, I don't know.
That might be kind of hard to Ka-boom! Match made! They're gonna make a snadger.
How you doing that? Love potion, yo.
I got it all.
Summer love, young love, anti-love.
You just got to put a little on your fingers and pow! I need that potion.
How much would it cost? Um, would you accept squirrels as payment? Whoa-oh-oh! No way.
You might think you know what's best for people, but this stuff can have major social consequences.
That's why it can only be used by a serious expert.
Love God! Sign my face.
Only if you sign mine, baby.
Let's get weird! Shh.
Mind if I add a little something to these fries? I don't see why not.
Whoa! Did your whole thing suddenly get a lot more likeable? You don't seem as needy as I used to think you were.
Hey, you wouldn't want to maybe get out of here and, I don't know, go kiss in public a lot? For some reason, I do.
Status update.
You know what? Forget it.
Maybe I should stare at something other than my phone for a while.
Match made! All right, who's ready for the best and most overpriced day of our summer? - Whoo-hoo! Yay! - All right! I brought a baggie of trail mix and safety whistles in case we get separated.
Lee.
- This kid is a champion.
- We're just waiting on Tambry.
Can't leave without Tambry.
Sorry, guys, but Tambry's a little busy at the moment.
Wink.
Wink.
What does that mean? Why are you winking? Let's just say she and Robbie took a trip to smoochville.
Now everyone's happy! Wait.
Wait.
Robbie and Tambry? - This can't be happening.
- How's that? He knew I liked her! How could he do this?! Whoa, hold it.
You like Tambry? And you told Robbie but not me? - You always make fun of my crushes, man.
- That's what we do, genius.
Oh.
Oh.
This is so like Tambry to do this.
Date my ex behind my back.
I'm gonna tear her highlights out.
Guys! Guys! Calm down.
We're gonna be late for the concert.
Uh, news flash, kid.
I'm not going to the concert.
Not with him.
Hey, that won't be a problem 'cause I'm out.
Me, too.
Wait! Wait! This group is all I have! Don't make me go back to having no friends! Guys! Match made? Wait, guys.
Don't go.
Not my mailbox! Ow! What did you just do?! I've let these guys pick on me for years to keep this group together.
And now they've totally fallen apart.
But we were all starting to finally hang out together.
I was one of the gang.
Well, unless you can break up Robbie and Tambry immediately, there is no gang.
I have no more friends.
And neither do you.
I'm gonna eat this.
Mabel, what did I tell you about staying out of Robbie's personal life? I know.
I know! I just wanted to be a good matchmaker.
I never should have gotten love potion from the Love God.
Wait, love potion? If you did a spell, then can't you, like, undo it? That's it! If I undo the spell, then everyone will be friends again.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Also, you are not pulling off that V-neck.
- I know.
- Burn it! Oho! Ha! Ha! Balloon faster, Soos! We need this thing up in the air before the festival ends.
Are you sure that that open flame should be that close to that dangling cloth and rope? I'm sure about everything.
Now lube up those engine gears with some kerosene.
More kerosene! Unh! Come back, guys! Come on.
The tickets were 100 bucks.
I sold my watch.
You got to come to the concert.
Ew, and have to look at that? No, thanks.
Ugh, they're doing that couple hug-walk.
Guys, you're in public! People can see you! Dipper.
Come on.
Love God.
Sound check for Love God.
Ow! Let's make some miracles happen.
Groupies, bed-head me.
Love God's about to get crazy.
Whoa.
Hey, all right.
Now's our chance.
Here we go.
Let's see.
Puppy love, inter-species love, love of country music.
Ew.
Oh! Anti-love.
To reverse the effects of love potion, simply spray on your victim and watch their heart die on the inside.
- Sounds good to me.
- Hey! You're the one who's been stealing my stuff.
- I am not loving this.
- I'm sorry.
But I made a mistake and I have to fix it.
Kid, I tried to tell you.
This stuff is way too dangerous.
On my oath as a god, I cannot let you Oh, hey, where did you just go? I'm sorry, Love God! But it's for the good of my friends! Come back here! Dipper, catch! Get those kids! - Halt! - We mustache you to move! Good one.
Ooh! Thank you.
No, no, no, everyone's touching everything! Give me back the potion! Oh, hey, what's up? Here, have a cassette.
Dang it.
Fly, tiny wings.
Get up there.
Oh! I haven't had to use these in a long time.
Dipper.
Look.
Just one clean shot to the back of their heads and everything's fixed.
Sorry, kids, but you've left me no choice.
Visions of heartbreak past! We're back, Mabel.
We like you now.
Yes.
Definitely.
Absolutely.
Ha! You really think we'd fall for that? Sure you can all marry me! Oh! Guy from the $10 bill.
I forgot I had a crush on you.
Dang it, Mabel.
They're not real.
Just give us the bottle, Mabel.
Mabel, don't! It's finally done.
When these idiots see this balloon, they'll understand that I love young people.
"I heart kids.
" All right, let 'er rip.
Oh.
Oh, no! A letter rip! What the H?! I eat kids? But we're kids! It's heaven's punishment for our terrible taste in everything! Mommy, is the floating head going to eat us? Yes, Charlie! Yes, he will.
Mabel, it's a trick! Don't give him the Gotcha! Oh! Curse my oversized heart.
Sorry, kids, but that's what happens when you mess with a god.
Only a greater being from the heavens themselves could possibly stop It's coming down! Whoooooa! Oh, no.
I hope someone didn't die.
Yes, that would be awful.
What's everybody crying about? In my day, Zeppelins fell from the sky like raindrops.
It's him! The horrible old man from the sky! You know what? Being loved by the youth is overrated.
Being feared? Now that's priceless.
Love God, are you okay? Please be immortal.
Please be immortal.
Dude.
I am so over this! Love God to the stage.
Love God to the stage.
Look, kid, take it, okay? Spray everyone for all I care.
You want to mess with people's lives? You want to play god? Do it.
'Cause I'm sick of it.
Medic, I need I need onion rings! Okay, Mabel, now's our chance.
They break up and the whole friend group gets back together.
Mabel! Mabel, I just wanted to thank you.
I've been so miserable since Wendy broke up with me that I thought my life was over.
But you were right.
I just needed to move on.
I'm happy? Weird, huh? Robbie, people are commenting on our pictures.
Dipper, maybe we shouldn't do this.
I mean, every time we've played with people's fates, it's only made things worse.
They are kind of perfect for each other, in a gross kind of way.
But what about our friend group? Well, maybe it'll sort itself out.
I mean, there's got to be something that could bring everyone back together.
Guys, I made a friendship cake.
So let's all get over this, okay? Ugh! My cake! Hey! Food from the outside! Ohhhh! Get him! - Who! Hey, look.
- Is that Thompson? Oh, man.
Yeah, fight the machine, Thompson! - Throw snacks at 'em.
- Use jerky as a weapon.
Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! - Whoa! - Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! Thompson I think everything just might be all right.
Maybe someone up there really is a genius matchmaker.
All according to plan.
# A goat and a pig # # Whoooo # # a couple of livestock # # living the life, stuck together in harmony # # a pig and a goat, who in the world thought # a pig and a goat could be family? Love so strong, love so big such a beautiful goat and a pig bound in matrimony now and forever # shopping for groceries and buying a condo # and filing their taxes together # Goat and a pig, goat and a pig #