Grounded For Life (2001) s02e09 Episode Script

Lily? Uh, your mom says you got boy trouble.
So, uh, this is what you do? You put on sad music and stare at the floor? Yeah, and I just focus on getting more and more depressed until eventually I'm the most depressed person in the history of the earth.
And that works for you, huh? Yeah, well, I've got love trouble, too.
This music stinks.
Grandpa, please leave.
Uh, give me a minute, will you? Ow! Just just I said ow! Oh, hey, baby.
Where's the ice? It's right here on your brother's face.
I can't use it now.
It's got face on it.
Hey, you got a problem with that, you might not wanna eat the top slice of that ham.
Can somebody please do something about grandpa? I'm trying to be depressed, and he's really bringing me down.
Babe, you have to be a little sympathetic, ok? He just got dumped by his girlfriend.
Whoa.
She wasn't his girlfriend.
Ok, Sean.
What was she? She was a friend who so happened to be a woman.
She's a Friend woman.
Do you mean a woman friend? You make it sound so filthy.
Ok, Sean, come on.
Let's see the money I'll be taking home tonight.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is my money.
You guys are going down hard.
Oh, bring it on, bitch.
I brought it! I brought it, and you ain't gettin' it.
Uh-huh.
You know what? Tomorrow you're gonna be eatin' government cheese.
I ate some today.
Oh.
It's good cheese! Ok, ladies.
Open your purses.
Whoa, hey, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, ok? Will you please get my beer off your face? Man! Ed, what happened to you? I got ticked off at some dudes.
How come? They were beatin' me up.
Who were they? I got a few theories I'm workin' on.
Sean: Oh, a few? Come on, half of staten island's after you.
And the other half loves me.
All right, come on.
Ante up.
5-card draw.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Shouldn't we wait for your dad? 'Cause, I mean, we start without him, he gonna tear us a new one.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Baby, trust me.
Walt is not in the mood for poker tonight.
Relationship problems.
Walt has a girlfriend? She wasn't his girlfriend.
She was a friend woman.
Baby, just deal, please.
Look, all I'm saying is the game isn't the same without Walt, all right? He's always here.
Yeah, that's the problem.
See, he's always here, morning till night.
It was driving us nuts.
Walt: by the rising of the moon By the rising of the moon We walked through Walt, what are you doing in here? Ow! Your legs really do a number on these.
Sean: Oh, dad, dad! What are you doing with our Christmas tree? Christmas was yesterday.
I brought dinner.
Oh.
Uh, whoa.
Hey, dad, uh, your dinner just cracked our counter.
This is a pork roast made by your mother, god rest her soul.
Well, then, it's gotta be over 2 years old.
It's been in the freezer.
And for dessert, cream puffs! That's great, great.
And if we don't eat 'em, we can always stone the village harlot.
Damn, that's some old meat.
Our mom had this huge freezer in the basement full of leftovers.
She's been gone for, like, 2 years, she still feeds Walt every night.
Look look what he brought over for us tonight.
Aah! What is it? Lasagna? We don't know.
It's labeled "meat loaf.
" What? I think I see a bone in it.
No kidding.
We could not keep living like this.
We had to find Walt some sort of life.
Check it.
I'm gonna jam.
Claudia: Yeah! All right.
What would you guys do if you were an old guy and you wanted to make new friends? Go on the Internet, pretend to be a girl.
You already do that.
Bowling.
Bowling.
Bowling? Bowling.
Well, he and ma used to go bowling all the time, so we signed him up for a league.
Ooh! I'll bet 50 cents.
I'm in.
Hee! Cut it out.
I'll take, uh, one.
Mm-hmm.
Uhh.
I raise.
I fold.
Jimmy, take your brother out of here.
I didn't do anything! Thanks for getting us kicked out of the poker game.
How am I supposed to control my face? It's your face! It does whatever it wants.
Look.
I didn't do that.
Will you guys please buzz off? We can't.
We got kicked out of the dining room, and grandpa's upstairs lying on your bed listening to Tori Amos.
Why are you staring at Brad's house? I'm not.
And Brad is not my boyfriend.
If he were, I would care that he was over there with Kristina, and I don't.
I like Kristina.
She's pretty.
She only looks pretty.
All right.
I've got it.
You've gone insane.
You two couldn't possibly understand.
See, I was at school yesterday Hey, Lily.
Heh, I got a new PlayStation 2.
I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house Saturday night and play tekken tag tournament in my basement.
Look, Brad, we're just neighbors.
We don't do things, ok? We just went to ice capades, remember? Remember? I bought you one of these.
Turn it off! Uh, I'm sorry.
Brad's kinda cute.
Gross.
He's got tekken tag tournament? Why can't we play? Because if mom found out you were playing some violent video game, she'd murder you.
Wait.
So what did Brad do that was so wrong? He invited Kristina over.
Exactly.
And she said yes because she's a big slu Because she because she says yes a lot! And now the two of them are together in his basement right next door! Oh, my god.
They could be doing anything.
Oh, Kristina.
Brad.
Come on.
You don't know what they're doing.
See, I knew you weren't old enough to understand.
Man, I wanna be Brad.
Ok, ok, I want you to go over to his house and tell him that I'm not talking to him anymore.
Well, couldn't you just let him know you're not talking to him by just Not talking to him? No, no, no.
That would take too long.
No.
No! Ok, ok, here, here.
Take my social studies book and tell him Tell him to keep his stuff out of my house.
But this is your book.
Uhh! Just go! It's like I'm speaking Spanish.
Oh, hey, dad.
Hey, Walt.
Hey, Walt.
Hey.
You want us to deal you in? No, thanks.
Life's already dealt me a hand full of crap.
Well, the bowling league really cheered him up.
Well well, it did at first.
It was great.
How are you doing, son? Claudia, you look lovely.
Mm-wah! That was the scariest kiss of my life.
And I've been kissed by one of the gambinos.
So he loves bowling.
Nobody loves bowling that much.
You're right, because if he loved it that much, he wouldn't have forgotten his ball at my house.
You know, whenever I see a bowling bag, I can't help but wonder if maybe there's a human head in there.
Well, there's not.
How do you know? 'Cause it's not that heavy.
Oh, you know how much a head weighs.
Ok.
Now we know.
Son of a bi Claudia: I'll see your dollar, and I'll raise you a dollar.
Sean: I'm out.
Kenny: Me, too.
I'm out.
I'm in.
Sean, lend me a buck.
Oh No, no way! Just fold.
No, no, no.
You're gonna raise me a car? Yeah.
You can't raise a car.
Too rich for your blood? Yeah.
Then I guess I win.
No, you don't! Ok! Ok, here, for crying out loud.
Fine.
All right.
Full house, Jacks and 3s.
Ok, what's wild? Nothing.
Crap.
Come to mama! You know, ed, could that pummeling that you took have anything to do with your gambling style? It's possible.
Dealer: Here she is, there she goes.
Keep your eye on her.
Find the queen, get the green.
Eddie: Yeah.
All right, queen! What the hell? Our cards have blue backs.
This has a red back.
That's odd.
You brought your own cards to a 3-card monte game.
Are you insane? Hey, I made 20 bucks and I broke up their little crime ring.
You kicked over a cardboard box.
Oh! Oh! What've you got for me? Come on.
What were Brad and Kristina doing? Oh, man, they were really going at it.
Yeah, she was the big lizard guy with the axe.
And he was this ninja, and he was kicking her.
It was like, "waaa!" Oh, not the video game, you idiots! Man, I wish we could get one.
I'd sell my eye.
Listen to me.
I need to know.
Did it seem like they were, you know, together? Jimmy: I don't know.
When me and Henry had our turn, they went into the kitchen.
I knew it.
I knew it! They they totally made out! They were totally making out! We got to play that game for, like, an hour.
Those suckers! Hey, shouldn't you guys be getting upstairs, getting ready for bed? Uh, we don't want to go upstairs.
Yeah.
Grandpa's up there.
What's his problem? He just got dumped by his Friend woman.
Is that kinda like a girlfriend? No! No, it's not.
No Ok, it's the opposite of a girlfriend.
Is it a boyfriend? Go upstairs.
All right, I'm sorry, it's probably none of my business, but he was kissing on this lady, right? Yeah.
What's your point? Well, I that's kinda Girlfriend-like behavior.
Ok, ok.
Ok, you know what? Maybe my dad was into this woman, ok? But trust me, this lady was trouble.
Look at dad, hmm? Look at him acting like a horndog.
It's so disgusting.
He wants to have sex with her.
She wants his money.
She's a gold digger.
Makes me sick.
Gold digger? Your dad don't have any money.
He works at the dump.
Yeah, but he's got dental benefits.
You saw her teeth.
She looks like a hockey player.
Something, all right, was definitely up.
So as soon as Walt left, we got into it.
Hi, guys.
You bowling today? That's what, uh, men like to do here, huh? Bowl? What size shoes? And you, sir? I've got a lot of money.
Ed excuse me? Do you like money? I've got a lot of it.
Look, just give her your shoe size.
I'm attracted to women who like my money.
I really i don't I don't understand what you're He's drunk and Yeah, baby.
Drunk with money.
Uhh.
He doesn't have any money.
Listen, sugar.
How 'bout I buy you a rob Roy and a corn dog? You know, if my late husband were here, you'd be in big trouble, son.
I'm not your son.
I'm never gonna be your son.
Lloyd! Hey, Lloyd I will never call you mommy! I'm I'm going.
I'm going.
Hey! You finnerty? Why? You want a piece of me? You two are unbelievable.
What? What, me? I i wasn't playing the part of the, uh, horny millionaire bowler.
At least I had a plan.
Oh, nice plan.
Got your butt kicked.
That had nothing to do with it.
I have reason to believe it was business-related.
Rangers tickets.
Rangers tickets! Who needs 2? Who needs 2? Yo! How much? All right.
Hey! These tickets are for last night's game! That was a great game, man.
That's like memorabilia, man.
Memorabilia! Get back here with my money, you little I wanna kick your butt and I wasn't even there.
Ok, listen.
A great leader once said, "you can take the measure of a man by counting his enemies.
" Who said that? I don't know.
Some khmer Rouge guy.
Lily? Brad! What are you doing here? Uh, your brothers left your social studies book in my basement.
Oh, dorks.
So, uh, you guys have fun? What did Kristina tell you we did? I didn't i didn't talk to Kristina, ok? I just know that she came over to your house and was playing games with you down in your basement, and when I heard that, I got kind of sad, because we play games in that basement, and now you're in that basement with her, and I like you! Wha Gimme my stupid book.
Did you say you liked me? No.
I rock! Sorry.
All right, uh, Uh, straight flush, queen high.
Whoa, wait a minute.
This queen has a red back and the rest of these cards have blue backs, Eddie.
Misdeal.
Uh-uh-uh! No! Yeah, sometimes you're dealt a queen, but you just can't keep her.
Oh, god.
So why exactly did this hottie dump him? Well, I don't know.
It just happened out of the blue.
I was over at his house, and he was getting ready for the date.
You're dressed kind of fancy.
Oh, just trying to bring a little class back to the great game of bowling.
Huh.
Hey, are you wearing Cologne? Hey, don't smell it all up.
It's expensive.
Is that the tie clip ma gave you? Yeah, for our 25th anniversary.
Looks good, right? Yeah.
Yeah, the guys'll love it.
Good.
Uh, hello.
Oh, hi.
Um, my name's Irene.
Oh, it's it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Sean.
I'm Walt's son.
Um, is is your father here? Yeah, he's upstairs getting ready.
He'll be down in just a minute.
Well, you know, I don't really have a minute, so could you just tell Walter that I can't see him anymore and that I'm really sorry? I gotta go.
That's harsh, man.
Why would she do that? I don't know.
It was really awful.
You know, I'll take 3 cards.
You know, here's what I don't understand.
Hadn't you just talked to her at the bowling alley? Yeah.
Well, wasn't she a little freaked out to see you at Walt's door? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you know yeah, she was.
She was a little freaked out, come to think of it.
Hello? You? What are you doing here? Hi.
I'm sorry, I'm Walt's son.
I realize my behavior at the bowling alley must have seemed weird.
It's just my brother and I are very concerned about our father and We were clearly wrong.
He's actually gonna be down in just a minute.
Well, you know, I don't really have a minute, so why don't you just tell Walter that I can't see him anymore.
What? Why? Because I've decided to get back together with my ex-husband, and I hope that he can understand.
But he's Wait a minute.
Didn't Eddie say she was a widow? Yeah, she is.
Uh, well So she got back together with her dead ex-husband? Ok! Ok! I did it! All right? Ok? It's my fault, and I know it's awful, and it but it was driving me crazy and I did it.
Hello? You! What are What are you doing here? What am I doing here? What am I doing here? What are you doing here? You see those steps you walked up? My mother walked up those steps every day of her life! And then you just traipse up here, you Harlot! You temptress! You gold digger! Your father doesn't have any money.
Oh, so you checked? I i i knew it! Good-bye! But I i just Tell your story walkin'! Man, that was cold.
What? Yeah hey! You tried to seduce her.
Hey, that's flattery.
This wasn't something I planned! I lost my head.
Sweetie, you screamed at a widow and you broke your father's heart.
Man, I don't even want your money.
Poor, crusty old slob.
I better go talk to him.
Dad Uh, we should talk.
Well, whatever you have to say, seany, it's not gonna cheer me up.
Yeah, I'm I'm pretty sure it isn't.
Uh, I i know about Irene.
Oh? Yeah, and I And I know you think that she stood you up, but the truth is I chased her away.
You what?! I'm sorry.
What the hell were you thinking? You've got no right to interfere with my life.
I i know, but I just i didn't want to see you Hurt? Happy! Not without mom.
Oh, no one's ever gonna replace your mother, son.
I know that must be hard for you to understand now, but when you grow up, like get to be 34, 35 Ok, I got it.
I got it.
So, I'll tell you.
First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna go down to the bowling alley, and I'm gonna apologize to Irene.
No! Get your coat! Now? Move it! Come on! Ok! All right! I do you think she'll understand? Sure she will.
Her sons are idiots, too.
They wanted to rough me up.
What? Yeah, she found them hanging around behind the bowling alley.
Now move it.
Ah, that's who kicked my ass.
Hey, how'd it go? She sprayed shoe disinfectant in my eye.
Hey, she accepted your apology, didn't she? Did you guys eat all the chips? I'm starving! Yeah, me, too.
What's there to eat? Let's see.
Jar of olives, jar of maraschino cherries Your mother's meat loaf.
Sean: Oh, hey, you know, let's heat it up.
Well, uh You know, that's the last of it.
What? Yeah, that's it.
The last thing from your mom's freezer.
Wow.
Well, had to happen sometime.
Yeah.
We could go out for pizza.
Oh, I'd be up for pizza.
Yeah, we'll have this some other time.
Good idea.
How do I look? You look great, dad.
Irene's gonna love it.
Thanks.
Walt, could you please get going? Just a sec.
I don't look like I'm trying too hard? Oh, not at all.
Hey, dad, you look spank.
See? What'd I tell you? What does that mean? Eddie, would you please get your father out of here? Hello, Claudia.
Everybody leave, now! Is Lily around? Get out! Uh, hi, Mrs.
finnerty.
Go.
Sean: Ok, come on, guys.
Guys.
Beautiful dreamer Claudia: Aah!