Henry Danger (2014) s02e09 Episode Script
Christmas Danger
1 [ music .]
[ crowd chatter .]
[ cheering .]
Good morning.
[ crowd chatter .]
Well, it's December 24th and that means, welcome to Captain Man's third annual Christmas Breakfast.
Thank you.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh.
You know, it's really great to-- Hey, shut up and feed us! Just a moment, sir.
I'm a woman! Sorry, ma'am.
And now I present your handsome host, the guy who paid for all of this, Swellview's most important citizen Captain Man.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
I know, I know.
All right, everybody get up here and taste the Christmas.
Here, Kid, put this on.
Ew.
I don't want to wear a hair net.
You have to wear one.
You're serving food.
It's city law.
All right.
But I'm doing this begrudgingly.
Hey, how come you're not wearing a hair net? [ chuckles .]
Lots of reasons.
First, I'm Captain Man.
Second, I'm very handsome and I do not wear hair nets.
Hey, are these reindeer eggs locally sourced? I, I don't know.
Well, I won't eat eggs unless they're locally sourced.
Okay, good for you.
Hey, why aren't you wearing a hair net? Lots of reasons.
One Shut up.
You know, I'm guessing you don't get invited to a lot of parties.
Hey, Captain Man, Captain Man.
Ah, yes, Vice Mayor Willard.
Yeah, hi.
There's a reporter here from KLVY News, she wants to do an interview with you.
Oh, it's not Evelyn Hall, is it? Yeah, I believe it is.
Ah, crud.
Hey, listen-- I'll bring her over.
No, no, please don't, arg.
What's the problem? I took this reporter out on a date last week and I told her I'd text her the next day and I didn't.
And here's Captain Man.
Yeah, I see him.
Vice mayor.
Vice mayor.
Look, I was going to text you.
But you didn't.
Evelyn I'm standing here inside City Hall with Kid Danger.
And Captain Man.
Kid Danger, Christmas question, if you went on a date with a girl Oh, here it comes.
And you promised to text the girl the next day, what would you do? Can you not do this? I, I would text the girl.
All right, all right, Evelyn, I'm texting you, all right? I'm texting you right now.
I'm texting you, all right? I'm texting you right now.
And send.
I'm texting you right now.
And send.
Oh, wait, And send.
Oh, wait, that's a different Evelyn.
Oh, wait, that's a different Evelyn.
Are you serious? Come on, let's just go serve the food.
Yeah, all right.
go serve the food.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
There he is, right there.
All right.
There he is, right there.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? There he is, right there.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? That's right.
Look at him.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? That's right.
Look at him.
Oh, come on.
That's right.
Look at him.
Oh, come on.
Don't give me that.
Oh, come on.
Don't give me that.
A law is a law is a law.
Don't give me that.
A law is a law is a law.
Do your duty.
A law is a law is a law.
Do your duty.
You don't have Do your duty.
You don't have to tell me about my duty.
You don't have to tell me about my duty.
Are you refusing to tell me about my duty.
Are you refusing to do your duty? Are you refusing to do your duty? Listen, sir.
to do your duty? Listen, sir.
I'm a woman.
Listen, sir.
I'm a woman.
I'm sorry.
I'm a woman.
I'm sorry.
Hello, ma'am.
I'm sorry.
Hello, ma'am.
Would you like some grits? Hello, ma'am.
Would you like some grits? They're freshly stirred.
Would you like some grits? They're freshly stirred.
Everyone! They're freshly stirred.
Everyone! Everyone, may I have Everyone! Everyone, may I have your attention? Everyone, may I have your attention? As Swellview's Chief of Police, your attention? As Swellview's Chief of Police, I came here this morning As Swellview's Chief of Police, I came here this morning to thank Captain Man I came here this morning to thank Captain Man and Kid Danger to thank Captain Man and Kid Danger for this wonderful and Kid Danger for this wonderful Christmas breakfast.
Which makes what I must do now very difficult.
What's what's going on? I'm very sorry Captain Man, what's going on? I'm very sorry Captain Man, but you're under arrest.
I'm very sorry Captain Man, but you're under arrest.
[ crowd gasping .]
Under arrest? Why am I being arrested? Because it's illegal Why am I being arrested? Because it's illegal for you to serve food Because it's illegal for you to serve food to the public for you to serve food to the public without wearing a hair net.
to the public without wearing a hair net.
I told you without wearing a hair net.
I told you to put on a hair net.
I told you to put on a hair net.
Will you be qu-- to put on a hair net.
Will you be qu-- You're seriously arresting me Will you be qu-- You're seriously arresting me for not wearing a hair net? You're seriously arresting me for not wearing a hair net? I have to.
for not wearing a hair net? I have to.
It's a class three misdemeanor.
I have to.
It's a class three misdemeanor.
Seriously? It's a class three misdemeanor.
Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Please stop saying seriously.
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after-school job.
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after-school job.
And by accident, I wanted an after-school job.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
Ah! he made me indestructible.
Ah! I went into this crazy store Ah! I went into this crazy store and met I went into this crazy store and met a pretty interesting guy.
and met a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me He turned out to be who call me He turned out to be You know the name.
He turned out to be You know the name.
Captain Man! You know the name.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that being a superhero In time, I realized that being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
It is done.
secret sidekick.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Feels good.
Call it.
Up the tube! Oh, my boot.
Ha! Well, why didn't you make him wear a hair net? I tried.
You know how Ray is about his Captain Man hair.
Well, we can't let Ray spend Christmas in jail all alone.
How are we supposed to get him out? I don't know.
[ sighs .]
You can't put two gold balls together.
Huh? You got to go, gold ball, red ball, gold ball, red ball.
I can totally put two gold balls together.
No, you can't.
put two gold balls together.
No, you can't.
Why not? No, you can't.
Why not? What is this, the 1950s? Why not? What is this, the 1950s? Well, guys, I had to look What is this, the 1950s? Well, guys, I had to look for two hours, Well, guys, I had to look for two hours, but check out what Daddy for two hours, but check out what Daddy found in the attic.
but check out what Daddy found in the attic.
Oh, honey, please, no, no.
found in the attic.
Oh, honey, please, no, no.
Oh my gosh, Dad, Oh, honey, please, no, no.
Oh my gosh, Dad, are you serious? Oh my gosh, Dad, are you serious? Nunh-uh, stop that.
are you serious? Nunh-uh, stop that.
My parents paid a lot of money Nunh-uh, stop that.
My parents paid a lot of money for these handbells My parents paid a lot of money for these handbells and the least we can do for these handbells and the least we can do is play them as a family and the least we can do is play them as a family once a year on Christmas.
is play them as a family once a year on Christmas.
Mom? once a year on Christmas.
Mom? Honey, I know you Mom? Honey, I know you like the handbells, Honey, I know you like the handbells, but the rest of us don't-- like the handbells, but the rest of us don't-- Look, Dad, we played but the rest of us don't-- Look, Dad, we played the bells last year.
Look, Dad, we played the bells last year.
Can't we skip one year the bells last year.
Can't we skip one year and not-- Can't we skip one year and not-- Hey.
and not-- Hey.
Hey, you have to listen Hey.
Hey, you have to listen to what we're all saying.
Hey, you have to listen to what we're all saying.
If we don't want to what we're all saying.
If we don't want to play the bells, If we don't want to play the bells, you can't just-- to play the bells, you can't just-- All right.
you can't just-- All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
Dude, I told you, Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
Dude, I told you, the Santa Claus at the mall Dude, I told you, the Santa Claus at the mall isn't going to let a kid the Santa Claus at the mall isn't going to let a kid your size sit on his lap.
isn't going to let a kid your size sit on his lap.
I know.
your size sit on his lap.
I know.
I've accepted that.
I know.
I've accepted that.
Then what are you I've accepted that.
Then what are you mad about now? Then what are you mad about now? Has no one here heard mad about now? Has no one here heard that Captain Man is in jail? Has no one here heard that Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, we heard.
that Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, we heard.
Well, do you guys know why Yeah, we heard.
Well, do you guys know why Captain Man is in jail? Well, do you guys know why Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, it's because Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, it's because of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, it's because of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, well you want to hear of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, well you want to hear some other stupid laws Yeah, well you want to hear some other stupid laws we have here in Swellview? some other stupid laws we have here in Swellview? Look at these.
we have here in Swellview? Look at these.
What are those books? Look at these.
What are those books? It's the Swellview What are those books? It's the Swellview Book of Laws and Ordinances.
It's the Swellview Book of Laws and Ordinances.
I want to play the handbells.
Book of Laws and Ordinances.
I want to play the handbells.
Later.
I want to play the handbells.
Later.
Later.
Later.
Later.
It's always later.
Later.
It's always later.
Take a look at this.
It's always later.
Take a look at this.
Page 34, Take a look at this.
Page 34, "It is illegal to take a photo Page 34, "It is illegal to take a photo of a rabbit without a permit.
" "It is illegal to take a photo of a rabbit without a permit.
" How stupid is that? Okay, everyone, now, read the laws I've highlighted in your books.
read the laws I've highlighted in your books.
"Ice cream on a cone in your books.
"Ice cream on a cone may only be licked.
"Ice cream on a cone may only be licked.
It is illegal may only be licked.
It is illegal to bite ice cream on a cone.
" Charlotte.
Okay.
"It is against the law Okay.
"It is against the law to wear more than one hat "It is against the law to wear more than one hat at the same time.
" to wear more than one hat at the same time.
" [ bell rings .]
Piper.
"Dads who play handbells must be destroyed.
" "Dads who play handbells must be destroyed.
" It doesn't say that.
must be destroyed.
" It doesn't say that.
Well, it should.
It doesn't say that.
Well, it should.
Agreed.
Well, it should.
Agreed.
Yeah, it should.
Well, I say it's wrong that Captain Man is in jail.
And to make my point, that Captain Man is in jail.
And to make my point, I'm going down to City Hall And to make my point, I'm going down to City Hall and I'm going to break I'm going down to City Hall and I'm going to break some more of these dumb laws.
and I'm going to break some more of these dumb laws.
Question.
some more of these dumb laws.
Question.
Yeah? Question.
Yeah? Why? Yeah? Why? Because they won't dare Why? Because they won't dare put a kid in jail on Christmas.
Because they won't dare put a kid in jail on Christmas.
And then they'll have put a kid in jail on Christmas.
And then they'll have to let Captain Man out, too.
And then they'll have to let Captain Man out, too.
Now, I'm going down there to let Captain Man out, too.
Now, I'm going down there and nobody is going to stop me.
There's the door.
Now can we play the handbells? Charlotte, we better the handbells? Charlotte, we better make sure Jasper's okay.
Charlotte, we better make sure Jasper's okay.
Yeah, let's hurry.
make sure Jasper's okay.
Yeah, let's hurry.
I have to go look Yeah, let's hurry.
I have to go look at a flower.
I have to go look at a flower.
These pants itch.
at a flower.
These pants itch.
Fine.
Let go of me, man.
I didn't do nothing.
Tell it to the judge.
I didn't do nothing.
Tell it to the judge.
Get off of me.
Tell it to the judge.
Get off of me.
Phone call later.
Get off of me.
Phone call later.
I hate you.
Phone call later.
I hate you.
Get in there.
I hate you.
Get in there.
Aah! Get in there.
Aah! Why you got to hassle me, man? Captain Man? What are you in here for? Well, see, I got arrested What are you in here for? Well, see, I got arrested for serving food to the hungry Well, see, I got arrested for serving food to the hungry while not wearing a hair net.
for serving food to the hungry while not wearing a hair net.
Good.
while not wearing a hair net.
Good.
What do you mean "good?" Good.
What do you mean "good?" I'm sick of people like you.
What do you mean "good?" I'm sick of people like you.
You hair heads.
I'm sick of people like you.
You hair heads.
You think that rules You hair heads.
You think that rules don't apply to you.
You think that rules don't apply to you.
Well, guess what? don't apply to you.
Well, guess what? Not everyone has hair.
Well, guess what? Not everyone has hair.
Hey.
Not everyone has hair.
Hey.
What? Hey.
What? You're hurting, aren't you? Yeah, I'm hurting.
Come here.
It's okay.
Come here.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's not your fault.
It's all right.
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
That's it, let it all out.
Merry Christmas! Who is that boy? What's going on? Who is that boy? What's going on? Go get them, Jasper.
What's going on? Go get them, Jasper.
You got this.
Go get them, Jasper.
You got this.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
You got this.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
And I'm wearing two hats.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
And I'm wearing two hats.
I'm going to eat And I'm wearing two hats.
I'm going to eat this ice cream cone thusly.
And now without a permit, I'm going to take photos of this rabbit.
I'm going to take photos of this rabbit.
[ camera clicking .]
of this rabbit.
[ camera clicking .]
Ooh, yeah, you're an animal.
[ camera clicking .]
Ooh, yeah, you're an animal.
Show me those ears.
Do you know what's wrong with him? Yeah.
what's wrong with him? Yeah.
We're all mad that Captain Man Yeah.
We're all mad that Captain Man got arrested We're all mad that Captain Man got arrested for breaking some stupid law got arrested for breaking some stupid law about hair nets.
for breaking some stupid law about hair nets.
So he's protesting about hair nets.
So he's protesting by breaking more stupid laws.
So he's protesting by breaking more stupid laws.
Oh.
What are you doing? You're under arrest.
What? But I'm just a child.
You're under arrest.
What? But I'm just a child.
Doesn't matter.
What? But I'm just a child.
Doesn't matter.
But I was only doing this Doesn't matter.
But I was only doing this to show how wrong it was But I was only doing this to show how wrong it was to arrest Captain Man.
to show how wrong it was to arrest Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be to arrest Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be in jail with Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be in jail with Captain Man.
But I didn't even in jail with Captain Man.
But I didn't even I am? But I didn't even I am? Come on.
I am? Come on.
[ laughs .]
Come on.
[ laughs .]
I'm going to hang out [ laughs .]
I'm going to hang out with Captain Man.
Poor Ray.
What do you mean? It's bad enough he's spending What do you mean? It's bad enough he's spending Christmas Eve in jail, It's bad enough he's spending Christmas Eve in jail, now Jasper's going to be Christmas Eve in jail, now Jasper's going to be in there bugging him now Jasper's going to be in there bugging him all day and night.
in there bugging him all day and night.
Oh yeah.
all day and night.
Oh yeah.
Poor Ray.
Oh yeah.
Poor Ray.
[ sighs .]
Poor Ray.
[ sighs .]
Well, I might as well [ sighs .]
Well, I might as well keep him company.
Well, I might as well keep him company.
What do you mean? keep him company.
What do you mean? Hold this.
Oh, look at me, I'm a criminal.
I'm wearing two hats simultaneously.
I'm wearing two hats simultaneously.
Oh, look what I'm going simultaneously.
Oh, look what I'm going to do to this ice cream cone.
Oh, look what I'm going to do to this ice cream cone.
Mm.
Yo, bunny, smile.
Mm, ooh, mm, ooh, ooh.
All right, Mm, ooh, mm, ooh, ooh.
All right, you two are under arrest.
All right, you two are under arrest.
Oh no.
you two are under arrest.
Oh no.
Wait, why am I under arrest? Oh no.
Wait, why am I under arrest? Because you watched him Wait, why am I under arrest? Because you watched him wear double hats Because you watched him wear double hats and bite that ice cream wear double hats and bite that ice cream and you did nothing.
and bite that ice cream and you did nothing.
Aw.
And my barber my barber used to be my best friend.
my barber used to be my best friend.
But since my hair fell out, my best friend.
But since my hair fell out, he's all, like, But since my hair fell out, he's all, like, "Get out of my barber shop.
he's all, like, "Get out of my barber shop.
"You ain't got nothing "Get out of my barber shop.
"You ain't got nothing for me to do.
" "You ain't got nothing for me to do.
" Yeah, barbers.
for me to do.
" Yeah, barbers.
Which cell? Where is he? Captain Man.
What have I done? What makes you hate me? Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
What? You're going to put me What? You're going to put me in the same jail cell You're going to put me in the same jail cell with a bunch of guys? in the same jail cell with a bunch of guys? Look, it's Christmas.
with a bunch of guys? Look, it's Christmas.
The women's prison is full.
Look, it's Christmas.
The women's prison is full.
So, this cell's all we got.
I don't believe this.
Well, we've explained it as best we can.
Well, we've explained it as best we can.
So, you better just as best we can.
So, you better just suspend your disbelief.
Do you remember me? I'm Jasper.
We've met several times.
I'm Jasper.
We've met several times.
Yes, I remember you.
We've met several times.
Yes, I remember you.
Hi, hey, why don't you talk Yes, I remember you.
Hi, hey, why don't you talk to my new friend Harold? Hi, hey, why don't you talk to my new friend Harold? No, I'm bald.
to my new friend Harold? No, I'm bald.
Don't look at me.
No, I'm bald.
Don't look at me.
[ crying .]
Don't look at me.
[ crying .]
Okay, so, what's the plan? [ crying .]
Okay, so, what's the plan? What do you mean? Okay, so, what's the plan? What do you mean? The plan, what's the plan? What do you mean? The plan, what's the plan? The plan for what? The plan, what's the plan? The plan for what? The plan The plan for what? The plan to get me out of here.
The plan to get me out of here.
[ both .]
Oh.
to get me out of here.
[ both .]
Oh.
Okay, I see.
[ both .]
Oh.
Okay, I see.
We don't have one.
Okay, I see.
We don't have one.
You don't have a plan? We don't have one.
You don't have a plan? No.
I mean, I just figured You don't have a plan? No.
I mean, I just figured you wouldn't want to be No.
I mean, I just figured you wouldn't want to be locked up alone with Jasper, you wouldn't want to be locked up alone with Jasper, so I got arrested locked up alone with Jasper, so I got arrested to keep you company.
so I got arrested to keep you company.
I'm just a victim to keep you company.
I'm just a victim of circumstance.
I'm just a victim of circumstance.
Great.
of circumstance.
Great.
So I get to spend Christmas Great.
So I get to spend Christmas in a jail cell.
So I get to spend Christmas in a jail cell.
Well, at least in a jail cell.
Well, at least we're here with you.
Well, at least we're here with you.
Yeah, and I'm sure we're here with you.
Yeah, and I'm sure our parents will try Yeah, and I'm sure our parents will try to get us out.
our parents will try to get us out.
It's okay.
to get us out.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
You didn't choose It's not your fault.
You didn't choose to be this way.
[ doorbell rings .]
Coming.
Oh.
Hi, officer Doobin.
Can I come in? Doobin.
Can I come in? Sure.
Can I come in? Sure.
Is is there a problem? Sure.
Is is there a problem? Yeah.
Is is there a problem? Yeah.
Who put two gold balls Yeah.
Who put two gold balls right next to each other Who put two gold balls right next to each other like that? right next to each other like that? Oh, I was just going like that? Oh, I was just going to change those.
Oh, I was just going to change those.
Before you do that, to change those.
Before you do that, I'm here to let you know Before you do that, I'm here to let you know that your kid's in jail.
I'm here to let you know that your kid's in jail.
My what? that your kid's in jail.
My what? Honey, come down here quick! My what? Honey, come down here quick! Is everything all right? Honey, come down here quick! Is everything all right? Why did you scream? Is everything all right? Why did you scream? Oh geez, is that a cop? Why did you scream? Oh geez, is that a cop? That's a cop.
Oh geez, is that a cop? That's a cop.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
That's a cop.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
I just put your kid in jail.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
I just put your kid in jail.
Aah! I just put your kid in jail.
Aah! Well, we knew Aah! Well, we knew this day would come.
Well, we knew this day would come.
Well, I know, but I thought this day would come.
Well, I know, but I thought Piper would be at least 16 Well, I know, but I thought Piper would be at least 16 before she went to jail.
Piper would be at least 16 before she went to jail.
What'd she do? before she went to jail.
What'd she do? I'm sorry? What'd she do? I'm sorry? I'm back from the mall.
I'm sorry? I'm back from the mall.
Piper? I'm back from the mall.
Piper? Hey.
Piper? Hey.
Dad, I maxed out Hey.
Dad, I maxed out all three of your credit cards.
Dad, I maxed out all three of your credit cards.
What up with the cop? all three of your credit cards.
What up with the cop? You said she was in jail.
What up with the cop? You said she was in jail.
No, we arrested your son.
You said she was in jail.
No, we arrested your son.
Henry got arrested? No, we arrested your son.
Henry got arrested? That's right.
Henry got arrested? That's right.
He wore two hats simultaneously, That's right.
He wore two hats simultaneously, bit some ice cream, He wore two hats simultaneously, bit some ice cream, and took photos of a bunny bit some ice cream, and took photos of a bunny without a permit.
and took photos of a bunny without a permit.
Okay, someone's got to go without a permit.
Okay, someone's got to go through Swellview's dumb laws Okay, someone's got to go through Swellview's dumb laws and get rid of all through Swellview's dumb laws and get rid of all those ridiculous ones.
and get rid of all those ridiculous ones.
Yeah.
those ridiculous ones.
Yeah.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Yeah.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Wait a second.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Wait a second.
You take me to my son's Wait a second.
You take me to my son's jail cell right now.
You take me to my son's jail cell right now.
I can't do that.
jail cell right now.
I can't do that.
You'll have to talk I can't do that.
You'll have to talk to the judge.
You'll have to talk to the judge.
He'll be back in January.
to the judge.
He'll be back in January.
January? He'll be back in January.
January? That's multiple days from now.
January? That's multiple days from now.
Hey, Mom, Dad.
Officer? Quick question.
What? Quick question.
What? Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
What? Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
No.
Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
No.
Are you insane? No.
Are you insane? She's not.
But I am.
That tears it.
You're both under arrest.
Let's go.
Hey, Darla, guess what? No, my parents just got arrested.
No, my parents just got arrested.
Yeah.
just got arrested.
Yeah.
So, Christmas party Yeah.
So, Christmas party at my house tonight? I figured I'd sit here.
Okay.
I can't believe you're in jail.
Okay.
I can't believe you're in jail.
You're in jail.
I can't believe you're in jail.
You're in jail.
Well, what kind of mother You're in jail.
Well, what kind of mother would I be if I let my child Well, what kind of mother would I be if I let my child sit in jail without his mother? would I be if I let my child sit in jail without his mother? You know, I think you look sit in jail without his mother? You know, I think you look way too young You know, I think you look way too young to be anyone's mother.
way too young to be anyone's mother.
Oh, stop.
to be anyone's mother.
Oh, stop.
Yeah.
Stop.
I can't believe I'm a girl spending Christmas in a man's jail.
spending Christmas in a man's jail.
And I don't see in a man's jail.
And I don't see any tissues available.
Look, the important thing is that it's Christmas and we're all together.
is that it's Christmas and we're all together.
We're not all together.
and we're all together.
We're not all together.
Yeah, I'm worried We're not all together.
Yeah, I'm worried about your father.
Yeah, I'm worried about your father.
Well, I mean, about your father.
Well, I mean, if they arrested him with you, Well, I mean, if they arrested him with you, how come they didn't if they arrested him with you, how come they didn't put him in here? how come they didn't put him in here? Because apparently pulling put him in here? Because apparently pulling a police officer's pants down Because apparently pulling a police officer's pants down is a class one misdemeanor.
a police officer's pants down is a class one misdemeanor.
Uh-oh.
is a class one misdemeanor.
Uh-oh.
What? Uh-oh.
What? That means What? That means they probably locked him up That means they probably locked him up with the extra they probably locked him up with the extra dangerous criminals.
What's your story? Me? [ knuckles crack .]
Me? [ knuckles crack .]
I'm a project manager.
[ knuckles crack .]
I'm a project manager.
I manage projects.
I mean, what are you in for? I pants'd a policeman.
I want to play the handbells.
Excuse me.
Are there any more spoons Excuse me.
Are there any more spoons in here? Hey, fellas.
Come here.
This does not feel like Christmas.
Nope.
like Christmas.
Nope.
Not at all.
Nope.
Not at all.
Not even close.
Not at all.
Not even close.
This is the opposite Not even close.
This is the opposite of Christmas.
This is the opposite of Christmas.
[ spoons clanging .]
Am I imagining something or is that or is that Jingle Bells.
is that Jingle Bells.
In jail? Jingle Bells.
In jail? But where could it be In jail? But where could it be coming from? Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle all the way Jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Hey.
In a one-horse open sleigh Hey.
Jingle bells Hey.
Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle all the way Jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way Ha, ha, ha [ sighs .]
Merry Christmas, ladies.
[ crowd chatter .]
[ cheering .]
Good morning.
[ crowd chatter .]
Well, it's December 24th and that means, welcome to Captain Man's third annual Christmas Breakfast.
Thank you.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh.
You know, it's really great to-- Hey, shut up and feed us! Just a moment, sir.
I'm a woman! Sorry, ma'am.
And now I present your handsome host, the guy who paid for all of this, Swellview's most important citizen Captain Man.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
I know, I know.
All right, everybody get up here and taste the Christmas.
Here, Kid, put this on.
Ew.
I don't want to wear a hair net.
You have to wear one.
You're serving food.
It's city law.
All right.
But I'm doing this begrudgingly.
Hey, how come you're not wearing a hair net? [ chuckles .]
Lots of reasons.
First, I'm Captain Man.
Second, I'm very handsome and I do not wear hair nets.
Hey, are these reindeer eggs locally sourced? I, I don't know.
Well, I won't eat eggs unless they're locally sourced.
Okay, good for you.
Hey, why aren't you wearing a hair net? Lots of reasons.
One Shut up.
You know, I'm guessing you don't get invited to a lot of parties.
Hey, Captain Man, Captain Man.
Ah, yes, Vice Mayor Willard.
Yeah, hi.
There's a reporter here from KLVY News, she wants to do an interview with you.
Oh, it's not Evelyn Hall, is it? Yeah, I believe it is.
Ah, crud.
Hey, listen-- I'll bring her over.
No, no, please don't, arg.
What's the problem? I took this reporter out on a date last week and I told her I'd text her the next day and I didn't.
And here's Captain Man.
Yeah, I see him.
Vice mayor.
Vice mayor.
Look, I was going to text you.
But you didn't.
Evelyn I'm standing here inside City Hall with Kid Danger.
And Captain Man.
Kid Danger, Christmas question, if you went on a date with a girl Oh, here it comes.
And you promised to text the girl the next day, what would you do? Can you not do this? I, I would text the girl.
All right, all right, Evelyn, I'm texting you, all right? I'm texting you right now.
I'm texting you, all right? I'm texting you right now.
And send.
I'm texting you right now.
And send.
Oh, wait, And send.
Oh, wait, that's a different Evelyn.
Oh, wait, that's a different Evelyn.
Are you serious? Come on, let's just go serve the food.
Yeah, all right.
go serve the food.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
There he is, right there.
All right.
There he is, right there.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? There he is, right there.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? That's right.
Look at him.
Wait, you mean Captain Man? That's right.
Look at him.
Oh, come on.
That's right.
Look at him.
Oh, come on.
Don't give me that.
Oh, come on.
Don't give me that.
A law is a law is a law.
Don't give me that.
A law is a law is a law.
Do your duty.
A law is a law is a law.
Do your duty.
You don't have Do your duty.
You don't have to tell me about my duty.
You don't have to tell me about my duty.
Are you refusing to tell me about my duty.
Are you refusing to do your duty? Are you refusing to do your duty? Listen, sir.
to do your duty? Listen, sir.
I'm a woman.
Listen, sir.
I'm a woman.
I'm sorry.
I'm a woman.
I'm sorry.
Hello, ma'am.
I'm sorry.
Hello, ma'am.
Would you like some grits? Hello, ma'am.
Would you like some grits? They're freshly stirred.
Would you like some grits? They're freshly stirred.
Everyone! They're freshly stirred.
Everyone! Everyone, may I have Everyone! Everyone, may I have your attention? Everyone, may I have your attention? As Swellview's Chief of Police, your attention? As Swellview's Chief of Police, I came here this morning As Swellview's Chief of Police, I came here this morning to thank Captain Man I came here this morning to thank Captain Man and Kid Danger to thank Captain Man and Kid Danger for this wonderful and Kid Danger for this wonderful Christmas breakfast.
Which makes what I must do now very difficult.
What's what's going on? I'm very sorry Captain Man, what's going on? I'm very sorry Captain Man, but you're under arrest.
I'm very sorry Captain Man, but you're under arrest.
[ crowd gasping .]
Under arrest? Why am I being arrested? Because it's illegal Why am I being arrested? Because it's illegal for you to serve food Because it's illegal for you to serve food to the public for you to serve food to the public without wearing a hair net.
to the public without wearing a hair net.
I told you without wearing a hair net.
I told you to put on a hair net.
I told you to put on a hair net.
Will you be qu-- to put on a hair net.
Will you be qu-- You're seriously arresting me Will you be qu-- You're seriously arresting me for not wearing a hair net? You're seriously arresting me for not wearing a hair net? I have to.
for not wearing a hair net? I have to.
It's a class three misdemeanor.
I have to.
It's a class three misdemeanor.
Seriously? It's a class three misdemeanor.
Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Please stop saying seriously.
It all just kind of happened.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
My dad was an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after-school job.
an irresponsible scientist.
I wanted an after-school job.
And by accident, I wanted an after-school job.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
And by accident, he made me indestructible.
Ah! he made me indestructible.
Ah! I went into this crazy store Ah! I went into this crazy store and met I went into this crazy store and met a pretty interesting guy.
and met a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
a pretty interesting guy.
I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect I'm going to blow your mind.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me the good citizens of Swellview.
who call me He turned out to be who call me He turned out to be You know the name.
He turned out to be You know the name.
Captain Man! You know the name.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
Captain Man! That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that That's right, Henry.
In time, I realized that being a superhero In time, I realized that being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
being a superhero is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
is a lot to handle alone.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
He wanted some help.
I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart I needed a sidekick.
I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever I, Henry Hart Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's tell anyone That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.
It is done.
secret sidekick.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
It is done.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Now we blow bubbles.
And fight crime.
Feels good.
Call it.
Up the tube! Oh, my boot.
Ha! Well, why didn't you make him wear a hair net? I tried.
You know how Ray is about his Captain Man hair.
Well, we can't let Ray spend Christmas in jail all alone.
How are we supposed to get him out? I don't know.
[ sighs .]
You can't put two gold balls together.
Huh? You got to go, gold ball, red ball, gold ball, red ball.
I can totally put two gold balls together.
No, you can't.
put two gold balls together.
No, you can't.
Why not? No, you can't.
Why not? What is this, the 1950s? Why not? What is this, the 1950s? Well, guys, I had to look What is this, the 1950s? Well, guys, I had to look for two hours, Well, guys, I had to look for two hours, but check out what Daddy for two hours, but check out what Daddy found in the attic.
but check out what Daddy found in the attic.
Oh, honey, please, no, no.
found in the attic.
Oh, honey, please, no, no.
Oh my gosh, Dad, Oh, honey, please, no, no.
Oh my gosh, Dad, are you serious? Oh my gosh, Dad, are you serious? Nunh-uh, stop that.
are you serious? Nunh-uh, stop that.
My parents paid a lot of money Nunh-uh, stop that.
My parents paid a lot of money for these handbells My parents paid a lot of money for these handbells and the least we can do for these handbells and the least we can do is play them as a family and the least we can do is play them as a family once a year on Christmas.
is play them as a family once a year on Christmas.
Mom? once a year on Christmas.
Mom? Honey, I know you Mom? Honey, I know you like the handbells, Honey, I know you like the handbells, but the rest of us don't-- like the handbells, but the rest of us don't-- Look, Dad, we played but the rest of us don't-- Look, Dad, we played the bells last year.
Look, Dad, we played the bells last year.
Can't we skip one year the bells last year.
Can't we skip one year and not-- Can't we skip one year and not-- Hey.
and not-- Hey.
Hey, you have to listen Hey.
Hey, you have to listen to what we're all saying.
Hey, you have to listen to what we're all saying.
If we don't want to what we're all saying.
If we don't want to play the bells, If we don't want to play the bells, you can't just-- to play the bells, you can't just-- All right.
you can't just-- All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
Dude, I told you, Okay.
Okay.
I am really mad.
Dude, I told you, the Santa Claus at the mall Dude, I told you, the Santa Claus at the mall isn't going to let a kid the Santa Claus at the mall isn't going to let a kid your size sit on his lap.
isn't going to let a kid your size sit on his lap.
I know.
your size sit on his lap.
I know.
I've accepted that.
I know.
I've accepted that.
Then what are you I've accepted that.
Then what are you mad about now? Then what are you mad about now? Has no one here heard mad about now? Has no one here heard that Captain Man is in jail? Has no one here heard that Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, we heard.
that Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, we heard.
Well, do you guys know why Yeah, we heard.
Well, do you guys know why Captain Man is in jail? Well, do you guys know why Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, it's because Captain Man is in jail? Yeah, it's because of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, it's because of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, well you want to hear of some stupid hair net law.
Yeah, well you want to hear some other stupid laws Yeah, well you want to hear some other stupid laws we have here in Swellview? some other stupid laws we have here in Swellview? Look at these.
we have here in Swellview? Look at these.
What are those books? Look at these.
What are those books? It's the Swellview What are those books? It's the Swellview Book of Laws and Ordinances.
It's the Swellview Book of Laws and Ordinances.
I want to play the handbells.
Book of Laws and Ordinances.
I want to play the handbells.
Later.
I want to play the handbells.
Later.
Later.
Later.
Later.
It's always later.
Later.
It's always later.
Take a look at this.
It's always later.
Take a look at this.
Page 34, Take a look at this.
Page 34, "It is illegal to take a photo Page 34, "It is illegal to take a photo of a rabbit without a permit.
" "It is illegal to take a photo of a rabbit without a permit.
" How stupid is that? Okay, everyone, now, read the laws I've highlighted in your books.
read the laws I've highlighted in your books.
"Ice cream on a cone in your books.
"Ice cream on a cone may only be licked.
"Ice cream on a cone may only be licked.
It is illegal may only be licked.
It is illegal to bite ice cream on a cone.
" Charlotte.
Okay.
"It is against the law Okay.
"It is against the law to wear more than one hat "It is against the law to wear more than one hat at the same time.
" to wear more than one hat at the same time.
" [ bell rings .]
Piper.
"Dads who play handbells must be destroyed.
" "Dads who play handbells must be destroyed.
" It doesn't say that.
must be destroyed.
" It doesn't say that.
Well, it should.
It doesn't say that.
Well, it should.
Agreed.
Well, it should.
Agreed.
Yeah, it should.
Well, I say it's wrong that Captain Man is in jail.
And to make my point, that Captain Man is in jail.
And to make my point, I'm going down to City Hall And to make my point, I'm going down to City Hall and I'm going to break I'm going down to City Hall and I'm going to break some more of these dumb laws.
and I'm going to break some more of these dumb laws.
Question.
some more of these dumb laws.
Question.
Yeah? Question.
Yeah? Why? Yeah? Why? Because they won't dare Why? Because they won't dare put a kid in jail on Christmas.
Because they won't dare put a kid in jail on Christmas.
And then they'll have put a kid in jail on Christmas.
And then they'll have to let Captain Man out, too.
And then they'll have to let Captain Man out, too.
Now, I'm going down there to let Captain Man out, too.
Now, I'm going down there and nobody is going to stop me.
There's the door.
Now can we play the handbells? Charlotte, we better the handbells? Charlotte, we better make sure Jasper's okay.
Charlotte, we better make sure Jasper's okay.
Yeah, let's hurry.
make sure Jasper's okay.
Yeah, let's hurry.
I have to go look Yeah, let's hurry.
I have to go look at a flower.
I have to go look at a flower.
These pants itch.
at a flower.
These pants itch.
Fine.
Let go of me, man.
I didn't do nothing.
Tell it to the judge.
I didn't do nothing.
Tell it to the judge.
Get off of me.
Tell it to the judge.
Get off of me.
Phone call later.
Get off of me.
Phone call later.
I hate you.
Phone call later.
I hate you.
Get in there.
I hate you.
Get in there.
Aah! Get in there.
Aah! Why you got to hassle me, man? Captain Man? What are you in here for? Well, see, I got arrested What are you in here for? Well, see, I got arrested for serving food to the hungry Well, see, I got arrested for serving food to the hungry while not wearing a hair net.
for serving food to the hungry while not wearing a hair net.
Good.
while not wearing a hair net.
Good.
What do you mean "good?" Good.
What do you mean "good?" I'm sick of people like you.
What do you mean "good?" I'm sick of people like you.
You hair heads.
I'm sick of people like you.
You hair heads.
You think that rules You hair heads.
You think that rules don't apply to you.
You think that rules don't apply to you.
Well, guess what? don't apply to you.
Well, guess what? Not everyone has hair.
Well, guess what? Not everyone has hair.
Hey.
Not everyone has hair.
Hey.
What? Hey.
What? You're hurting, aren't you? Yeah, I'm hurting.
Come here.
It's okay.
Come here.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's not your fault.
It's all right.
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
That's it, let it all out.
Merry Christmas! Who is that boy? What's going on? Who is that boy? What's going on? Go get them, Jasper.
What's going on? Go get them, Jasper.
You got this.
Go get them, Jasper.
You got this.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
You got this.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
And I'm wearing two hats.
My name is Jasper Dunlop.
And I'm wearing two hats.
I'm going to eat And I'm wearing two hats.
I'm going to eat this ice cream cone thusly.
And now without a permit, I'm going to take photos of this rabbit.
I'm going to take photos of this rabbit.
[ camera clicking .]
of this rabbit.
[ camera clicking .]
Ooh, yeah, you're an animal.
[ camera clicking .]
Ooh, yeah, you're an animal.
Show me those ears.
Do you know what's wrong with him? Yeah.
what's wrong with him? Yeah.
We're all mad that Captain Man Yeah.
We're all mad that Captain Man got arrested We're all mad that Captain Man got arrested for breaking some stupid law got arrested for breaking some stupid law about hair nets.
for breaking some stupid law about hair nets.
So he's protesting about hair nets.
So he's protesting by breaking more stupid laws.
So he's protesting by breaking more stupid laws.
Oh.
What are you doing? You're under arrest.
What? But I'm just a child.
You're under arrest.
What? But I'm just a child.
Doesn't matter.
What? But I'm just a child.
Doesn't matter.
But I was only doing this Doesn't matter.
But I was only doing this to show how wrong it was But I was only doing this to show how wrong it was to arrest Captain Man.
to show how wrong it was to arrest Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be to arrest Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be in jail with Captain Man.
Well, now you're going to be in jail with Captain Man.
But I didn't even in jail with Captain Man.
But I didn't even I am? But I didn't even I am? Come on.
I am? Come on.
[ laughs .]
Come on.
[ laughs .]
I'm going to hang out [ laughs .]
I'm going to hang out with Captain Man.
Poor Ray.
What do you mean? It's bad enough he's spending What do you mean? It's bad enough he's spending Christmas Eve in jail, It's bad enough he's spending Christmas Eve in jail, now Jasper's going to be Christmas Eve in jail, now Jasper's going to be in there bugging him now Jasper's going to be in there bugging him all day and night.
in there bugging him all day and night.
Oh yeah.
all day and night.
Oh yeah.
Poor Ray.
Oh yeah.
Poor Ray.
[ sighs .]
Poor Ray.
[ sighs .]
Well, I might as well [ sighs .]
Well, I might as well keep him company.
Well, I might as well keep him company.
What do you mean? keep him company.
What do you mean? Hold this.
Oh, look at me, I'm a criminal.
I'm wearing two hats simultaneously.
I'm wearing two hats simultaneously.
Oh, look what I'm going simultaneously.
Oh, look what I'm going to do to this ice cream cone.
Oh, look what I'm going to do to this ice cream cone.
Mm.
Yo, bunny, smile.
Mm, ooh, mm, ooh, ooh.
All right, Mm, ooh, mm, ooh, ooh.
All right, you two are under arrest.
All right, you two are under arrest.
Oh no.
you two are under arrest.
Oh no.
Wait, why am I under arrest? Oh no.
Wait, why am I under arrest? Because you watched him Wait, why am I under arrest? Because you watched him wear double hats Because you watched him wear double hats and bite that ice cream wear double hats and bite that ice cream and you did nothing.
and bite that ice cream and you did nothing.
Aw.
And my barber my barber used to be my best friend.
my barber used to be my best friend.
But since my hair fell out, my best friend.
But since my hair fell out, he's all, like, But since my hair fell out, he's all, like, "Get out of my barber shop.
he's all, like, "Get out of my barber shop.
"You ain't got nothing "Get out of my barber shop.
"You ain't got nothing for me to do.
" "You ain't got nothing for me to do.
" Yeah, barbers.
for me to do.
" Yeah, barbers.
Which cell? Where is he? Captain Man.
What have I done? What makes you hate me? Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
What? You're going to put me What? You're going to put me in the same jail cell You're going to put me in the same jail cell with a bunch of guys? in the same jail cell with a bunch of guys? Look, it's Christmas.
with a bunch of guys? Look, it's Christmas.
The women's prison is full.
Look, it's Christmas.
The women's prison is full.
So, this cell's all we got.
I don't believe this.
Well, we've explained it as best we can.
Well, we've explained it as best we can.
So, you better just as best we can.
So, you better just suspend your disbelief.
Do you remember me? I'm Jasper.
We've met several times.
I'm Jasper.
We've met several times.
Yes, I remember you.
We've met several times.
Yes, I remember you.
Hi, hey, why don't you talk Yes, I remember you.
Hi, hey, why don't you talk to my new friend Harold? Hi, hey, why don't you talk to my new friend Harold? No, I'm bald.
to my new friend Harold? No, I'm bald.
Don't look at me.
No, I'm bald.
Don't look at me.
[ crying .]
Don't look at me.
[ crying .]
Okay, so, what's the plan? [ crying .]
Okay, so, what's the plan? What do you mean? Okay, so, what's the plan? What do you mean? The plan, what's the plan? What do you mean? The plan, what's the plan? The plan for what? The plan, what's the plan? The plan for what? The plan The plan for what? The plan to get me out of here.
The plan to get me out of here.
[ both .]
Oh.
to get me out of here.
[ both .]
Oh.
Okay, I see.
[ both .]
Oh.
Okay, I see.
We don't have one.
Okay, I see.
We don't have one.
You don't have a plan? We don't have one.
You don't have a plan? No.
I mean, I just figured You don't have a plan? No.
I mean, I just figured you wouldn't want to be No.
I mean, I just figured you wouldn't want to be locked up alone with Jasper, you wouldn't want to be locked up alone with Jasper, so I got arrested locked up alone with Jasper, so I got arrested to keep you company.
so I got arrested to keep you company.
I'm just a victim to keep you company.
I'm just a victim of circumstance.
I'm just a victim of circumstance.
Great.
of circumstance.
Great.
So I get to spend Christmas Great.
So I get to spend Christmas in a jail cell.
So I get to spend Christmas in a jail cell.
Well, at least in a jail cell.
Well, at least we're here with you.
Well, at least we're here with you.
Yeah, and I'm sure we're here with you.
Yeah, and I'm sure our parents will try Yeah, and I'm sure our parents will try to get us out.
our parents will try to get us out.
It's okay.
to get us out.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
You didn't choose It's not your fault.
You didn't choose to be this way.
[ doorbell rings .]
Coming.
Oh.
Hi, officer Doobin.
Can I come in? Doobin.
Can I come in? Sure.
Can I come in? Sure.
Is is there a problem? Sure.
Is is there a problem? Yeah.
Is is there a problem? Yeah.
Who put two gold balls Yeah.
Who put two gold balls right next to each other Who put two gold balls right next to each other like that? right next to each other like that? Oh, I was just going like that? Oh, I was just going to change those.
Oh, I was just going to change those.
Before you do that, to change those.
Before you do that, I'm here to let you know Before you do that, I'm here to let you know that your kid's in jail.
I'm here to let you know that your kid's in jail.
My what? that your kid's in jail.
My what? Honey, come down here quick! My what? Honey, come down here quick! Is everything all right? Honey, come down here quick! Is everything all right? Why did you scream? Is everything all right? Why did you scream? Oh geez, is that a cop? Why did you scream? Oh geez, is that a cop? That's a cop.
Oh geez, is that a cop? That's a cop.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
That's a cop.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
I just put your kid in jail.
Yeah, I'm Officer Doobin.
I just put your kid in jail.
Aah! I just put your kid in jail.
Aah! Well, we knew Aah! Well, we knew this day would come.
Well, we knew this day would come.
Well, I know, but I thought this day would come.
Well, I know, but I thought Piper would be at least 16 Well, I know, but I thought Piper would be at least 16 before she went to jail.
Piper would be at least 16 before she went to jail.
What'd she do? before she went to jail.
What'd she do? I'm sorry? What'd she do? I'm sorry? I'm back from the mall.
I'm sorry? I'm back from the mall.
Piper? I'm back from the mall.
Piper? Hey.
Piper? Hey.
Dad, I maxed out Hey.
Dad, I maxed out all three of your credit cards.
Dad, I maxed out all three of your credit cards.
What up with the cop? all three of your credit cards.
What up with the cop? You said she was in jail.
What up with the cop? You said she was in jail.
No, we arrested your son.
You said she was in jail.
No, we arrested your son.
Henry got arrested? No, we arrested your son.
Henry got arrested? That's right.
Henry got arrested? That's right.
He wore two hats simultaneously, That's right.
He wore two hats simultaneously, bit some ice cream, He wore two hats simultaneously, bit some ice cream, and took photos of a bunny bit some ice cream, and took photos of a bunny without a permit.
and took photos of a bunny without a permit.
Okay, someone's got to go without a permit.
Okay, someone's got to go through Swellview's dumb laws Okay, someone's got to go through Swellview's dumb laws and get rid of all through Swellview's dumb laws and get rid of all those ridiculous ones.
and get rid of all those ridiculous ones.
Yeah.
those ridiculous ones.
Yeah.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Yeah.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Wait a second.
Well, Merry Christmas.
Wait a second.
You take me to my son's Wait a second.
You take me to my son's jail cell right now.
You take me to my son's jail cell right now.
I can't do that.
jail cell right now.
I can't do that.
You'll have to talk I can't do that.
You'll have to talk to the judge.
You'll have to talk to the judge.
He'll be back in January.
to the judge.
He'll be back in January.
January? He'll be back in January.
January? That's multiple days from now.
January? That's multiple days from now.
Hey, Mom, Dad.
Officer? Quick question.
What? Quick question.
What? Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
What? Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
No.
Hey, give me that walkie-talkie.
No.
Are you insane? No.
Are you insane? She's not.
But I am.
That tears it.
You're both under arrest.
Let's go.
Hey, Darla, guess what? No, my parents just got arrested.
No, my parents just got arrested.
Yeah.
just got arrested.
Yeah.
So, Christmas party Yeah.
So, Christmas party at my house tonight? I figured I'd sit here.
Okay.
I can't believe you're in jail.
Okay.
I can't believe you're in jail.
You're in jail.
I can't believe you're in jail.
You're in jail.
Well, what kind of mother You're in jail.
Well, what kind of mother would I be if I let my child Well, what kind of mother would I be if I let my child sit in jail without his mother? would I be if I let my child sit in jail without his mother? You know, I think you look sit in jail without his mother? You know, I think you look way too young You know, I think you look way too young to be anyone's mother.
way too young to be anyone's mother.
Oh, stop.
to be anyone's mother.
Oh, stop.
Yeah.
Stop.
I can't believe I'm a girl spending Christmas in a man's jail.
spending Christmas in a man's jail.
And I don't see in a man's jail.
And I don't see any tissues available.
Look, the important thing is that it's Christmas and we're all together.
is that it's Christmas and we're all together.
We're not all together.
and we're all together.
We're not all together.
Yeah, I'm worried We're not all together.
Yeah, I'm worried about your father.
Yeah, I'm worried about your father.
Well, I mean, about your father.
Well, I mean, if they arrested him with you, Well, I mean, if they arrested him with you, how come they didn't if they arrested him with you, how come they didn't put him in here? how come they didn't put him in here? Because apparently pulling put him in here? Because apparently pulling a police officer's pants down Because apparently pulling a police officer's pants down is a class one misdemeanor.
a police officer's pants down is a class one misdemeanor.
Uh-oh.
is a class one misdemeanor.
Uh-oh.
What? Uh-oh.
What? That means What? That means they probably locked him up That means they probably locked him up with the extra they probably locked him up with the extra dangerous criminals.
What's your story? Me? [ knuckles crack .]
Me? [ knuckles crack .]
I'm a project manager.
[ knuckles crack .]
I'm a project manager.
I manage projects.
I mean, what are you in for? I pants'd a policeman.
I want to play the handbells.
Excuse me.
Are there any more spoons Excuse me.
Are there any more spoons in here? Hey, fellas.
Come here.
This does not feel like Christmas.
Nope.
like Christmas.
Nope.
Not at all.
Nope.
Not at all.
Not even close.
Not at all.
Not even close.
This is the opposite Not even close.
This is the opposite of Christmas.
This is the opposite of Christmas.
[ spoons clanging .]
Am I imagining something or is that or is that Jingle Bells.
is that Jingle Bells.
In jail? Jingle Bells.
In jail? But where could it be In jail? But where could it be coming from? Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle all the way Jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Hey.
In a one-horse open sleigh Hey.
Jingle bells Hey.
Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle all the way Jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Oh what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way Ha, ha, ha [ sighs .]
Merry Christmas, ladies.