Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s02e09 Episode Script

Ah, hey.
Hey, Bigfoot.
Didn't you hear the promoter? This is supposed to be an exhibition.
It's for charity.
You, uh, you do know what charity, is, don't you? - Feel the pain! - OK, if that's the way you’re gonna be.
I like that.
Figures.
I had a feeling he was soft in the head.
Isn't he great, folks? Isn't he fabulous? Hercules! And he did it all for charity! No, no thank you.
- No.
- Some meet, Hercules? Maybe you'd rather have what I've got.
- And what would that be? - Water.
Oh thank you.
Not much for celebrating, are you, Hercules? You know what they say? 'Clean body, clean mind.
' - Nobody ever says that in Orestia.
- Orestia? Well, if that's where you're from, you didn't need to come here for a good time.
I was looking for you.
Your friend, Salmoneus, sent me.
- My name is Ayora.
- You don't look like a distress signal, so he must not be in trouble.
Far from it.
He's rolling in dinars.
And he wants to share his good fortune with you for all the good deeds you've done on his behalf.
Tell Salmoneus I'm, uh, not interested.
He'll understand.
Even if I promise to stay by your side, 24 hours a day? Ah, look, it's not that I don't appreciate the offer, but-- - I know 'Clean body, clean mind.
' - Clean conscience.
Just out of curiosity, how did Salmoneus strike it rich? Oh, no.
You have to come to Orestia or find that out.
Bye, now.
Marvelous, simply marvelous, same exquisite craftsmanship, every piece, an original antique and all of it in perfect condition.
I think you're gonna like it even better, after it's sold.
Ya know something? You're right.
Foreman! Hey, foreman! We ready to go? Huh? The carts are filled.
The public's appetite for these artifacts is insatiable.
We can move out as soon as you finish talking.
A little fresh, but industrious.
Let me have another peek, just to satisfy my aesthetic needs.
Who thought I'd behold something almost as lovely as the precious dinar? Did you see that? What caused it? We framed the entrance with double support beams.
Let's get out of here.
Maybe the gods are trying to tell me something.
No, they've always been good to me.
I'm their boy! Let's move it! This is the story of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
- Help me! - I'll do everything I can.
It was the wind.
The wind chased me like a thief.
Don't talk.
Save your strength.
I couldn't run fast enough.
So I offered everything I had everything, except this.
Here, take it.
Oh, no! The wind won't chase you anymore, my friend.
Fifty-three dinars? You're gonna hafta do better than that.
Madam, the days of Salmoneus haggling over a price are long gone.
I could letcha have it for-- I don't know, - uh pfff fifty dinars? - Forty-five.
Madam, I fear you miss the point.
See, the purpose of art is to elevate us above the crassness of bargaining not to demean us the way the give-and-take over a mere number does.
- Forty-nine.
- Forty-five.
Forty-eight, and don't make me haggle.
Oh, all right, forty-eight, you big baby.
Ah, there, now.
Don't we both feel better? Hmm? Ah, what's wrong with this picture? Syreeta's here.
And Ayora's here, so it obviously can't be her.
Stop it, Salmoneus.
You're being mean.
I'm not being mean.
I'm being disappointed that Hercules isn't here.
But Ayora thinks he may have a change of heart.
- I never said that.
- I'm just tryin' to help you.
- You help me? That'll be the day! - It's all right, Syreeta.
It was just like you said, Salmoneus.
If Hercules wasn't fighting evil he'd be doing charity work.
And there he was wrestling to raise money for war babies.
I could have shown him some wrestling.
- He'll never learn.
- Learn what? That money isn't a dirty word.
If he had only come here, - I could have made him rich.
- Excuse me.
The price tag can't possibly be correct.
It says sixty dinars! Watch a master in action.
Madam, let us talk about the cultural value of beautiful things such as yourself, huh? - Put it back.
- I just wanted to see it.
- You don't see with your hands.
- But I need to check it for a mark that could bring you trouble.
- Are you threatening me? - Threatening you-- no, - I-I'm-I'm trying to help.
- I don't want your help.
There's no need to be rude.
We got a troublemaker here! - Wait, this is all a misunderstanding.
- Get him! Get me? For what? This is really stupid.
Uh, I don't believe it.
- Where'd you get the vase? - Huh? That's all I wanted to know.
This fight wasn't necessary.
- Now, where'd you get the vase? - A pushy little man he called himself Salmoneus.
Salmoneus.
Excuse me? Next time? Try a little communication.
- It won't hurt quite so much.
- Ah.
- This load goes to my home.
- What's Salmoneus gonna say? He won't say anything if he doesn't find out.
Well, I'm not keepin' my mouth shut unless - there's somethin' in it for me.
- You think there won't be? I'm just tellin' ya how it is.
That's all.
You're forgetting something.
I'm the one that calls the shots around here.
Go on! Then you're the one I'm looking for.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I'm busy.
- This won't take long.
- Purces, she-she-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, OK, you've had an eyeful.
Now, get moving.
Put that away.
It's not hunting season.
- Guess again.
- Ah.
- Time to dance, Purces.
- You crazy? No, I'm curious.
I wanna know if you're man enough to admit that you're a thief.
Get back to work! - I'm no thief.
- That's a lie.
What's wrong with you? Huh? I'm telling you the truth.
That's another lie.
Get this lunatic woman away from me.
Don't even think about it.
Now, tell me the truth.
OK.
OK.
I-I admit it.
I'm a thief! I've been stealing chalices and-and-and vases and anything I could lay my hands on! Justice has been served.
- Ow! - Better get him, now.
Wait! There's a shoulder attached to that arm! Careful! Do you get enough fiber? Listen! This time, please don't-- ow! Every time I come here, Zandar, that guy does the same thing! - It's really getting tiresome! - What happened out there? All I know is what I hear.
Some crazy woman with a bow and arrow started calling Purces a liar and a thief.
And he wound up with a splitting headache.
Poor Purces.
He wasn't exactly 'Mr.
Personality'.
But since when is being a liar and a thief punishable by death? Do your mourning quickly! You're more vital to our operation than Purces ever was.
- You mean it? - I'm not the type to joke around.
- No! I can see you're not! - Your laborers have to keep hauling artifacts out of that cave and you, my friend, have to keep selling them.
Selling, I've got the concept.
But listen.
Um, this treasure of yours I'm a little vague on how ya got it.
I mean, I was it a treasure map, or didja find some kind of? Tell me, Salmoneus! What interests you more? Dwelling on some inconsequential mystery or making money? Gimme a moment, making money, absolutely.
I knew you'd see things my way.
Whoo! Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
O-Ow! Ow, careful.
Careful.
Syreeta, tell her what I like.
A little lower with a gentle rotating motion? Yes.
Yes, that's the place.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, you girls.
You're so good to me.
- I have presents! - Oh.
Ha-ha-ha! Presents for you all.
Syreeta.
Now, the rest of you are going to have to fend for yourselves.
Come on.
The one with the most pearls wins.
Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Hey, not those pearls! Oh, Salmoneus! You're so good to us! Remember, girls clean living always pays! You're so generous! - Oh, I'm generous to a fault! - 'Fault' is the key word.
Hercules! I'd knew you'd come.
- I knew it.
- Wait.
Uh, no.
Uh eh, thank you.
You have no idea the amount of riches and plenty that we're gonna be rolling in, my friend.
Uh, that's what I wanna talk to you about.
- Let's take a little walk.
- Why so glum? It's time to eat, drink, and get disgustingly rich.
- You're wrong.
- I am? Yes.
That treasure you've been selling? That belongs to Hera.
And if I know Hera - she wants you dead.
- Ha-ha! Uhhh.
Salmoneus? - Feeling better? - You tell me.
You've really done it this time, Salmoneus.
What I can't believe is that you've never heard the story of Hera's treasure.
It's a local legend.
It's been oh, maybe I can believe it.
All I could think about was how much money I was gonna make, and how many ways I could spend it.
- But that's all I ever think about.
- Even now.
Tell me the story.
I can't wait.
It happened when King Ores was in power.
There was a rebellion against Hera, and he wiped out every man, woman, and child involved.
Hera, rewarded him with the treasure you found.
Now, listen.
That can't be.
My treasure was found sealed in a cave.
- It had never been touched.
- You're right, and there's a reason.
Before Ores could get to it, I helped to overthrow him.
Why didn't ya take the treasure? It was right there! Salmoneus, are you learning anything from this? - Sorry.
- Hera left the treasure where it was to test the Orestians' loyalty.
I thought the laborers were being stupid for being scared.
I was the stupid one, huh? I flunked Hera's test and now I'm dead.
Well, you're not dead.
- You're not gonna die.
- You could reverse it? - Well - You would do that? You could do that? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Salmoneus.
Just show me where you took the treasure.
Right! Anything you want! But I gotta tell ya! This is the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me.
You find a way to keep my head on my shoulders I'll turn over a new leaf.
I swear! Well, don't bother.
You'd only sell it to the highest bidder.
- Come here! - Please! Don't take my babies! I'm begging you! Babies? Ha-ha! These brats are old enough to work the fields! I'll get twenty dinars apiece for them.
- No! - You're not going to do anything except turn them loose and apologize for being such a swine.
Well, looky here.
No telling how much a slaver's dream like you is gonna fetch.
- Do what I said.
- You're a bossy little thing, aren't you? Now, let the children go.
Yeah, sure.
- I'd rather have you, anyway.
- You're fun's over.
Consider that a warning.
I'm gonna kill you! Ow! Next time, I'll take your ears off! Now, get out of here! I'm going! I'm going! I'm going! You're bleeding.
Curse of being human, I guess.
- Too gaudy for my taste.
- Hey, this is top-of-the-line stuff.
If you say so.
How did you find it? Strictly on the up-and-up.
A gentleman named Purces approached me on behalf of uh, a third party.
And he said they had a lead on a treasure trove.
All this was just out of the blue, right? Contrary to your belief, my reputation as a salesman precedes me.
They didn't happen to know you were a friend of mine, did they? Uh, uh, I might have mentioned it once or twice.
Huh.
I think I better have a talk with your partner Purces.
You're too late.
He's dead.
- What happened? - I heard it was a scorned woman one armed with a bow and arrow.
I'm sorry! We're closed! Where is she? - What, you saw her? - Yeah, but I don't anymore! - Well, she's still here.
- Where? - Oh, Hercules.
- Right over there.
- I'm over here.
- Quit playing games! My eyes aren't that bad! Well, she's the one who's playing the games.
- Who she? What she? - I-uh, an old friend.
- Hercules, don't leave me! - You can't catch me, Hercules.
You'll be fine.
You're never gonna catch me! That's what you think! Think quick! Gotcha! Uh, ha-ha, uh I was oh you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
I told you you couldn't catch me, Hercules.
As you were saying? You! - We need to talk.
- Talk? I thought you said Hercules wasn't coming.
How could I know? He turned his nose up at me.
Your head must be in a spin knowing your charms - aren't 100 % irresistible, hmm? - You've turned them down.
Yes, I have this very minute.
Now, go.
Keep your ears and eyes open.
I've got a lot of work to do.
That greedy, conniving little sneak.
You're gonna kill Salmoneus along with Hercules, aren't you? It's my business! Now, do what I told you! You're awfully stern for someone who was having such a good time a few minutes ago.
- My friend saw you.
- Salmoneus is a friend of yours? Yes.
What do you want with him, Nemesis? - I haven't decided yet.
- Oh, don't give me that.
The gods make up your mind for you.
Now who sent you? Hera? Yes.
But I've made a change in policy.
The orders of the gods don't rule my life anymore.
Before I execute anybody, I decide whether he deserve it.
- Since when do the gods listen to you? - Since they've realized that nobody's been better at dealing out divine retribution than I am.
Nemesis, your hand? - I didn't think you ever got hurt.
- when I take human form which is something that I always do when I'm seeking the truth.
You can ask your friend Salmoneus that if he lives through the experience.
But there's an explanation for his involvement.
- I'll be the judge of that.
- Wait a minute! You can't save him this time, Hercules.
Salmoneus must pay for his greed.
That was by accident, right? Guess not.
Can't you see I'm in a hurry! Have to do a lot better than that.
Oh, I will, Hercules, I will.
- Nemesis, don't! - You're too late.
It won't hurt much, will it? - Put it down, Nemesis.
- Nemesis? She's Nemesis? He's a thief! Evidence is everywhere.
Take a look around! Salmoneus is no thief.
He's greedy, yes, but he's no thief.
He's right.
I'm greedy.
Anything for a dinar that's me.
I'm shameless, money, hungry, and conniving.
I'll vouch for that, and I'll tell you something else.
He couldn't have found Hera's treasure by himself, - I mean, not in a million years.
- Someone led him to it? - That's right.
It was Purces.
- He's dead.
Oh, right.
Salmoneus, you mentioned earlier about a third party.
- Who is it? - Huh? Zandar! He's the one pulling Purces' strings! Listen, I would never steal from Hera or any other god.
I'm much too big a coward for that.
At the very least you should check him out.
Come on, you said you were seeking justice, Nemesis.
Now, here's your chance to prove it.
You're right.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you Thank you! Thank both of you! Oh, how can I ever thank you! - Thank you! - He's been doing a lot of this lately.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! The time is at hand, oh, mighty Hera.
They're here! Both of 'em! Hercules to meet his death! Nemesis to determine whether she lives or dies! But I your humble servant cannot do what you've asked of me with mere mortals to help me.
Already, those who call themselves my warrriors have failed ignobly against Hercules.
No, if I am to succeed to your greater glory I need a weapon which will not fail.
I need a true instrument of destruction! Oh, mighty one, give me a sign.
Pyro.
Pyro.
Yes! Pyro! - We've got a problem, Nemesis.
- What are you worried about now? I'm worried about you.
When you let Salmoneus live, you may have signed your own death warrant.
- I can take care of myself.
- Hera is going to be furious.
You know, I have better things to do than to listen to this.
- Hey, hey, hey! No, you don't.
- You know, it is really hard for me to fly away when you're holding onto my wings I mean my arms.
How do you stand being in human form, anyway? - It's a miracle you ever get anywhere.
- I don't always run away like you.
- I'm not going to run away.
- Promise? Yes.
Nemesis, the gods aren't going to let you decide who's guilty and who's not.
That's how they amuse themselves.
- Well, too bad for them.
- It could get you killed.
Well, fear never stopped you.
Look, you worry about Salmoneus, and I'll take care of Zandar.
Hey, you know, if I wanted to take orders from you, - we'd still be together.
- Well, too bad we're not.
- I'd take you flying with me.
- Nemesis, wait! I hate it when she does that.
Oh, it's really great having you all here.
Now, if you can just help me take this, uh, stuff, hmm? Back to the cave we, whoa! It won't be that much work! Just a-a couple days, max, a-a-and then we can, uh, have a party.
Huh? Party! I-i-it won't be in this beautiful mansion, a-and we may not have champagne, but it-it's not gonna be that different.
OK? That's right.
All get up and pitch in.
- Come on, girls! - It won't-- wa-hey! Hey! Hey! Where you going? Hey! Hey! It's just a temporary setback! Huh? I I'll be back on top! Don't come crawling back unless ya plan apologizing! You're a clever man, Salmoneus.
Maybe you'll find another way to get rich.
Y you don't have to care about me.
I'm just just go on with the others.
I don't want you here.
Find some other rich guy to use, huh? Get outta here.
Well, that's one way to keep a woman interested.
We've got work to do, Salmoneus.
I know they only loved me for my money but it still hurts.
And after this, there may never be another pretty girl in my life.
At least you'll be alive.
What do you say we get this stuff out of here? Well, now I know you didn't do this by yourself.
I never get sick of this.
Come on.
Nemesis! - The one and only.
- Don't you ever knock? I suppose you're here to tell me ya killed Salmoneus the little thief.
But you're not finished yet.
Hercules is in town and Hera wants him dead so bad she can taste it.
The only thing she's tasting is her own bile.
She ought to get something to settle her stomach.
You you didn't kill Salmoneus, did you? No! And I'm not gonna kill Hercules, either.
But you, my friend better get ready to visit Hades.
I don't think so.
This never could have happened if you had nev-- I know! Hera told me! - As a human, you're a mere woman.
- Swine! By your refusal to carry out your duties, you have betrayed Hera! Just as she thought you would when she put you to this little test! And for your betrayal, you'll meet the same fate as Salmoneus and Hercules.
You will die.
I'm not cut out for manual labor.
I'm sweating like a piece of rancid pork.
My back hurts.
I'm getting blisters.
And you have no idea what this is doing for my manicure.
Ahh! Good idea! Ahem! You're needling me, aren't ya? You're tryin' to make me feel bad.
You're trying to make me feel guilty, guilty about the-- About being so greedy that you almost got killed? Yeah, that sounds right.
Shall we get back to work? - It's sweltering in there! - Think cold.
It's worse than ever.
I'm gonna melt if I stay here too long.
You'll be fine.
- What is this? - It's the cellar.
Th-there's a trapdoor at the top of the stairs.
Whoa! I'm gonna get some water! That's a good plan.
Ashes to ashes, Hercules.
As it was for your family so shall it be for you.
Pyro.
It's easier to kill sleeping women and children, isn't it, Pyro? Ho-ho-ho, I'm going to get you.
Have no fear.
I don't fear you.
Brave talk won't save you.
I'll fry you to a crisp! Hercules? You all right? Hercules? Salmoneus! Get out of here! - You're not supposed to be here! - Really.
Hm-hmm.
- Where am I supposed to be? - You're supposed to be d-d-d Let me start over.
There was a beautiful woman.
I know all about her, you scheming pipsqueak.
She was gonna defy Hera and kill me.
She's insane! No, actually, I think 'Charming' is a more suitable word.
You know what she'll be after I feed her to Pyro? She'll be dead.
- Pyro? - That's right.
- Is he finished with Hercules yet? - No, sir.
- Hercules is going to finish him.
- You're betting on the wrong horse.
Oh, I never bet on the wrong horse.
I never do that! Oh! Oh! How mortals stand being this vulnerable 24 hours a day.
A little rope and they can't go anywhere! OK, we'll do this, the hard way! Keep figthing and I'll burn you limb by limb.
What's the matter? Not having fun? I'll torch this whole place if I have to! I don't die that easily, Hercules.
Hercules must be burned to a crisp by now.
Not in your lifetime.
You'll change your mind when you meet the same fate he did.
I guess this is what happens when you do the right thing.
And I'm going to do the right thing.
Nice try.
The fire awaits.
Let's go.
Wouldn't ya rather toast marshmellows, instead? Get in touch with your inner child, huh? - Move! - Hold it right there, Zandar! What? Nemesis.
Get her! - Come back here! - Pyro's in there! He's tryin' to kill Hercules! What are you doing here? How did you escape? Just lucky, I guess.
This is where your luck runs out, you crazy witch.
Ha-ha! You'll never get in here! Ya suckers! - That's terrific! - Thank you.
- What are you waiting for? Let's go! - In there? - I'll protect you.
- You promise? Yes.
Ironic, isn't it? You will die the way your family did.
I'm going to barbecue you, Hercules.
- End of the road, Hercules.
- Pyro! Pyro! - Who in Hades are you? - Oh, you remember me.
Zandar.
Hera must have told you about me.
You're at the wrong place at the wrong time! No! You want to play games, Pyro? Try to catch me now.
Hercules, you will burn! No! No! No! Let me out! I need air! My flames! No! Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Light's out, Pyro.
I hope you don't plan on using that thing.
Hercules! Ah! Are you all right? Uh, yeah.
Fresh air would be nice.
Syreeta? I don't believe it.
What are you doing here? Are you all right? I was worried about you.
You were? Even though I'm how can I put this? Financially embarrassed? I mean, tem-temporarily? Don't you know that doesn't matter? You were always nice to me, Salmoneus.
Let me be nice to you.
Syreeta, I'm sorry I said those things.
I didn't mean them.
- Looks like another happy ending.
- For everyone except Hera.
Salmoneus, you look like you need a bath.
- My house is full of smoke.
- Mine isn't.
Aah Salmoneus? Stay out of trouble.
- There's one thing missing.
- What's that? A kiss? I could volunteer.
It's the best way I can think of to say good-bye, Hercules.
Where do you go from here? To find out what comes next in my life.
I know that feeling.
Maybe I could help.
I'll be fine on my own.
All I ask is that you remember me.
How could I ever forget you, Nemesis?