Hit-Monkey (2021) s02e09 Episode Script

1
[intense music playing]
[intense music continues]
Hey. Here.
[horns honking]
[hammer thudding]
[horns honking]
Hey, Kirkland Jeans,
get the fuck outta the road!
[gunshot]
[people screaming]
Alright, freeze,
put your hands in the air. Now!
[intense whirring]
-[ground rumbling]
-[vines crackling]
-Oh, my God!
-[gunshots]
Oh, God, what the hell
is happening? What the
-[people screaming]
-[groans]
[intense music continues]
It's finally all happening.
[vines creaking]
[people screaming]
[flesh squelching]
[screaming]
[dramatic music playing]
Okay, let's think. If you were
a pretentious douche bag
who had a weapon
that could destroy the entire planet,
where would you launch it from?
Knowing Boone,
somewhere everyone could see.
[helicopters whirring]
[reporter on TV]
A cautionary tale just in
to avoid the flora
and evacuate the city ASAP.
[Bryce] Times Square?
Oh, God, this guy's so basic.
We gotta get to Eunice's office. Now.
[reporter] And I repeat, authorities say
to avoid the flora at all costs
and evacuate the city immediately.
Bryce and Dot were supposed to come back
with Monkey hours ago.
Where the hell are they?
I don't know, baby,
but it's time we made other plans.
We gotta run.
Run where? You heard Dot.
This thing is gonna destroy
the whole world,
not just New York.
Then I guess we'll stay alive
a little longer than everybody else.
I need to do right by your father
and get you to safety.
Trust me, this is what
Bryce would've Aah!
Eunice, we gotta get going,
it's getting real
You're okay!
You're okay.
-You're okay.
-Oh, my God,
were you worried about me?
What? No, no, no, no.
I was, well, I was I was
maybe mildly concerned.
[Eunice sighs]
[Monkey whimpers]
Oh, look who thinks
he could just walk back in
like everything's fine
and the world isn't ending.
-[Monkey whimpering]
-[Bryce] Hey, Eunice,
it's bad out there,
we need bodies.
I'm gonna need you
to call all your assassins.
Man, get the hell outta here
with that nonsense.
If nobody came to help in Montauk,
what makes you think
they're coming now?
Oh, I don't know,
maybe because humans are about
to be wiped off the face
of the fucking planet?
Look, my assassins don't know that
and to be honest,
I don't think they even care.
They are down-and-dirty crooks,
not UNICEF.
Ooh, bingo, bongo,
so let's treat them like crooks.
[overlapping chatter]
Oh shit, they got snacks.
That's a bad sign.
Damn, Bryce,
how'd she pull this off?
Oh, yeah, Iris lied and told 'em
it was a high-paying gig
[chuckles]
just like I would've done.
Hello, hello, hello.
Wanna hear something sexy?
I'm still pulling your hair
out of my shower drain.
Not into hair play?
You know, I'm more
into people with a backbone.
So you couldn't bother
to show up to Montauk
when we needed you,
but now that there's money involved,
you're suddenly here?
If this is the kind of person you are,
I'm not interested.
-Oh.
-Alright, so I'm thinking
I'll start things off
with a light roast, you know?
Just kinda get everybody warmed up.
Hey, I know Gatling has a lot
of issues with his mom,
-so I'm gonna come right
-No, no, no, stop.
I think Monkey should take
the lead on this one.
-Monkey?
-Huh?
You mean the guy that moans
and grunts all the time?
Actually, you know what?
That might work with this crowd.
You can translate, okay?
He's got more street cred
with the assassins.
Plus, nobody liked you
when you were alive.
There, I got it out.
-Damn.
-Okay. Ouch.
You know what, fine.
Let's make it snappy,
try to keep it under 60 seconds.
A minute, 20 tops.
[assassin 1] Jesus wept.
Would you hurry it up?
[assassin 2]
What is this all about?
Sorry, uh, qui-quick thing.
Yeah, is this a 1099 or a W2?
Yo, what's taking so long?
-[Monkey hoots]
-[Bryce] Alright, listen up.
First things first, there is no money.
-[assassin] For real?
-[all groaning]
-That answers my question.
-I knew y'all was bullshit.
Good to see you guys.
I'm taking these croissants
and I'm leaving!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, wait, just listen.
Give us two minutes of your time.
-Please don't leave.
-[gun cocks, fires]
Sit your asses down!
-Yup, sitting!
-Uh, yes, ma'am.
Thank you, Eunice,
and thank you for your understanding.
Again, no money, not a dime.
But now, I'm gonna hand it over
to this monkey.
[assassins whispering]
[Monkey grunting]
I know we're all pretty
messed-up individuals
and we all probably need therapy.
-Way to win 'em over.
-[Monkey chattering]
We wouldn't be in this business
if we didn't have problems
we were running away from.
Our moral compass,
our convictions, it's all broken.
[Monkey chattering]
We are broken, but we're also a family
and, yes, fucked-up
and deeply flawed family,
and all we seem to do is hurt each other
over and over again.
But that's just part of being alive.
I mean, does the perfect family
even exist?
You know, maybe the Jetsons,
some would argue.
[Monkey chattering]
I Later, okay, fine.
The point is, it's not too late
to make things right.
I know we all kill people for a living,
but we have the chance
to be heroes for once.
This family could save the world.
[Monkey shrieking]
Now, who's with us?
[slow clapping]
[assassins cheering]
Let's save the goddamn world
with our guns!
[gun firing]
-Let's go.
-[whirring]
[gun firing]
Oh, man, they started off slow,
but it really got there, huh?
Hey, I got you something.
Yeah, I thought maybe
you'd wanna be a cool guy again.
[Monkey hoots]
[guns firing]
-[Monkey chattering]
-Fuck yeah.
Yo, what's the plan?
The plan? Right, okay.
Um, any of you guys got a plan,
even if it's half-baked,
-I don't care.
-Dammit, ugh.
Uh, guys, look what I found.
[gasps] The coffee table.
It's a bomb.
That's right, that's the plan.
We're gonna blow up the Relic,
and Boone and all those idiots with it.
-Oh.
-Are you kidding me?
Those assholes shot up my damn bomb.
-[Danke speaking German]
-Can you fix it, Danke?
The firing components are ruined.
I can probably get it up
and running, but I need time.
-[police sirens wailing]
-Uh, yeah, we might not have that luxury.
[people screaming]
[cars crashing]
Testes, testes, one, two.
Is this thing on?
-What are you doing, your tight five?
-[Iris] [on radio] Shut up.
I don't get why I have to be
stuck here with the Geek Squad
while you guys get to have
all the fun in the jungle.
[Bryce] [on radio]
What? No, no, no, no, no.
You know what's fun?
Computers, office snacks.
Oh, safe spaces.
I'm jealous of you actually.
Oh, my God,
are you worried about me?
Maybe more like mildly concerned, hm?
Hey, Danke, no guns for her, alright?
Affirmative.
Let's save the family therapy for later.
Now, let's talk strategy.
I've deconstructed the bomb
into two separate components,
the explosive and the remote detonator.
Bryce and his team will take the bomb
and covertly plant it under Times Square
as close to the Relic as possible.
Monkey and his team will plant
the remote detonator above ground.
Monkey needs to be at least
50 feet near the bomb site
because the telecom satellite
I'm hijacking
to send the arm code has
no reception on the ground,
just like my cell phone on the A train.
Monkey, your detonator will light up green
when it's in proper distance.
No green, no boom, copy?
[Monkey grunts]
[vines rustling]
[women screaming]
[intense music playing]
[Monkey chattering]
[Bryce] [on radio]
Oh, you think you've got it bad?
Mm, hard agree to disagree, bud.
Oh, this might take a while.
Pit crew, let's clear this shit
and get it up and move it
in five, let's go!
[guns firing]
[wind whistling]
Yeah, we've got company.
[ominous music playing]
[man screaming]
Monkey, watch out!
[gunshot]
-[Monkey] Huh?
-[Dot gasps]
-[Monkey shrieking]
-We've got to take cover!
[Double-Tap] [on radio]
Well, well, well,
if it isn't the shitty gun guy
and his kindergarten sidekick
trying to play hero.
[gasps] Double-Tap.
[Double-Tap] Well, you know,
all the big action stars
have a pierced ear.
-[gunshot]
-[Monkey grunts]
-[Double-Tap] Ha! [laughing]
-[Monkey hooting]
[gunshot]
[Double-Tap] Uh, uh, uh.
I got 10 years' worth of ammo
to use before the world ends,
and each bullet got
your name on it, Monkey,
which, by the way, is a terrible name.
That would be like me
calling myself person.
[Monkey grunts]
No, Monkey, no, we go together.
[Monkey disagreeing]
Fine. Then make him suffer.
[Monkey chattering]
Like fish in a barrel.
[guns firing]
Parlor tricks, huh? [chuckles]
Alright, a little back alley, but fine.
Let's find out who the real gun guy is.
[vines crackling]
Ugh. What's it at now?
40%, same as 30 seconds ago.
Okay, got it.
-What about now?
-Iris, Iris, please.
[distant rumbling]
We've got a problem here.
[man screaming]
Ah, excuszi, no Uzi, you heard your dad.
-But I
-Listen, when this screen goes green,
hit the button to send the arm code
to the detonator, got it?
Uh-huh.
[gun firing]
Hey, look at me, look at me.
You can do this.
[gun firing]
Flower Child to Ghost Man.
That train left the station yet?
Seconds away.
Pit crew, how we lookin'?
[gun firing]
-Done.
-[both] Done.
[guns firing]
Ugh! God dammit.
Alright, let's go.
[train creaking]
-I thought you cleared everything.
-I did.
I think it might be that
Oh, shit, it's Amara.
-Shoot the coupler.
-Here we go.
What are you doing?
Shoot the goddamn coupler!
-[Gatling] It's gotta warm up.
-Oh, for fuck's sake!
[gun firing]
Whew. What the hell was that?
Just the beginning.
You can't stop what's coming.
Get the hell outta here, man.
Don't be an idiot.
My name is Gatling, what'd you expect?
[Gatling shouting]
She's catching up!
Can't this thing go any fast
[rock shatters]
Hi, asshole.
-You're looking stupid.
-No, this is your stop.
[Amara grunts]
Okay, ready?
Off the fire hydrant
over the hotdog cart
between the rims of that Beemer.
-[gunshot]
-[bullet ricocheting]
[Monkey moaning]
[Double-Tap] [on radio]
Oh. [laughs]
Well, I believe points have been made.
I'll be honest, Monkey, I expected more,
but at least you get to die
knowing the truth,
that Double-Tap was always
the real gun guy
and you were always just
some animal with a gun.
[Money whines, hoots]
[Monkey chattering]
[cawing]
So let's do this one last time.
[Monkey chattering]
[Double-Tap]
Off the manhole cover.
[Monkey chattering]
Through the bike rack.
[caws]
And into your furry little head.
[bird cawing]
-[gun fires]
-[bullet ricocheting]
Uh, wait, I'm sorry.
[chuckles]
What?
You finally get a shot off
and you shoot backwards?
What the Oh.
[blood spurting]
[wings flapping]
[bird cawing]
[energetic rock music playing]
71%, nice.
Yeah, that's great,
but you really don't need
to announce every number.
[guns firing]
[energetic rock music continues]
[plant shrieks]
[gun cocks]
[flesh squelching]
Fuck!
-[Eunice] What the fuck?
Man, I sure hope my policy cover this.
-We have insurance?
-72%.
Uh, Monkey, is that light green yet?
Monkey, is that light green yet?
Monkey.
Monkey. Monkey, what's going on?
-[Monkey grunting]
-[Boone chuckles]
You're a long from
the Fukuyama Mountains.
-[growls]
-Oh, Dot?
Yeah. She's where she belongs,
with her family.
-[Dot gasping]
-[Monkey grunting]
[strikes thudding]
[Monkey whimpers]
[Boone] Oh, look at this.
The two who betrayed me
now forced to kill each other.
I mean, that is a pay-per-view fight
for the end of days.
[Dot grunting]
[Monkey chattering]
Aw, Monkey.
I know you don't wanna hurt her,
but she's gonna hurt you
and then I'm gonna hurt her.
Real bad.
-[whimpers]
-[Dot grunts]
[Boone] Yeah, there you go.
That's the spirit.
[gun firing]
[guns firing]
Okay, how we lookin', kid?
88%. We need more time.
-No, no, no, no, no!
-[Danke] Iris! No.
[gunshot]
[Eunice] No!
-[Iris/Eunice] Buddy!
-Sorry I'm late.
They had two-for-ones at Margaritaville.
Iris! Iris?
[Iris] I'm here.
I'm okay. Buddy showed up.
Things are under control,
and the hack is at 92%.
[train rattling]
Okay, good, good, I-I-I'm close too.
[Iris] Okay, great.
I'm not gonna lie, though,
that sounded like
more than mildly concerned.
[Iris chuckles]
[solemn music playing]
Oh, I should have taken you to Disney.
[Iris] What?
I should have stayed.
I should have taken you
to Disney, you know?
Taught you how to,
I don't know, drive a stick.
Intimidated your first boyfriend,
you know?
[Iris] Bryce, I'm gay.
Well, I should have been there
to tell you that that's fine
and that I love you all the same.
Then intimidated whoever the hell
came to pick you up that night.
Look, the point is,
I wasn't there to parent.
I wasn't there
to be your dad
and honest to God
that's the biggest regret of my life.
[Iris] Well, then let's agree
to both make it through this alive
so you don't fuck up our second chance.
Iris, listen, I
[train screeching]
-[Amara grunting]
-Oh, shit.
[train screeching]
God dammit, we're not close enough!
Maybe you're not such a coward after all.
That or you're just really fucking stupid.
Ah!
[Iris] Dad?
Nah-uh, I was just curious what
you'd look like with half a face!
[rock shatters]
Oh, I can see your crack!
Ugh. Truly get fucked, Bryce.
[electricity crackling]
-[Dot grunting]
-[Monkey hooting]
When I found you, you had nothing!
No purpose!
No family!
I gave that all to you,
and you abandoned me at the very end?
I have the most powerful weapon
in the world.
[grunts] Shit.
[Boone] You?
You have a team of wannabes.
-No, no, no.
-[vines creaking]
[intense dramatic music playing]
[Iris groaning]
[Boone] Fighting an inescapable fate.
-[Bryce grunting]
-[glass shatters]
[Boone] That's what hope does.
[clattering]
[Boone]
It blinds you from the truth.
[Bryce grunting]
Humanity's time is up.
What are you doing?
[Boone] We're cursed, Monkey.
I know you think it's you, but it's us.
We are the cause of your suffering.
Our selfish, brutal impulses
are no longer individual deformities,
they're an evolutionary trait
of our species.
[whimpers]
You wanted to get rid
of senseless killing?
This is how.
Look around.
A restart that you could still lead.
The animals are safe.
Live the rest of your days in peace.
Lay the guardrails for what comes next.
Do better, Monkey.
Leave the earth in better shape.
Come on, what do you say?
[butterfly fluttering]
[groans]
[intense dramatic music playing]
[growls]
[Monkey chattering]
Wow, okay, then tell the devil
I'll see him soon.
[Dot grunting]
-What?
-[Amara grunting]
Stone cold, am I right?
No! No. No.
Alright, here we go.
[Bryce grunting]
[Amara] No!
[Boone] No. No.
No, no, no, no.
[Iris grunting]
[beeping]
[train rattling]
[computer beeps]
-No!
-[explosion booms]
[Monkey shrieking]
-[gasps]
-[Monkey screeches]
-Monkey!
-[Monkey screeching]
[rocks thudding]
♪♪
Holy shit, you guys okay?
Whoa, look at this guy.
Hey, crème Boon-ée, huh?
[Bryce chuckles]
Sorry, I think that was a trauma response.
[vines rustling]
Dad, Dad, Dad, come in, are you okay?
Iris! Yeah, no, we're fine. I
[haunting music playing]
[Boone growling]
[Boone laughing]
Actually, can I put you
on hold for a sec?
["Disorder" by Ylang Ylang playing]
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
Oh whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
Oh whoa ♪
Oh, oh ♪
[woman singing in native language]