Jersey Shore s02e09 Episode Script
Dirty Pad
- You Just Don't Care.
Like, Seriously.
- Like, Everybody's Getting Sick Of Angelina And Her Tactics, Because Angelina Starts All The [Bleep.]
And Instigates Everything.
- Shut The [Bleep.]
Up, You [Bleep.]
22-Year-Old Little [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! It's Always [Bleep.]
Me In This House, Right? I Talk [Bleep.]
About Everyone! - Angelina, It is You.
- To Top It All Off, You're Going To Go Bang The Kid You Hate.
- What The Explain To Me What's Going On Right Now.
- Me And Angelina Need Some Privacy.
- You're--You're-- You're A Hypocritical Whore.
- Shut Up! - We Got A Date With Two Of The Rarest Roses.
- Two Of The Rarest Roses.
Ramona Is Everything I Look For In A Girl.
I Wanted To Go Out With Her, And Then She Didn't Come.
So, You Don't Want To Come Tonight? - No.
- [Sighing.]
[Get Crazy By Lmfao.]
- Dj Pauly Delvecchio! - I'm Going To Jersey Shore, Bitch! - All Right, We Got A Situation.
-  Get Crazy  - I'm The Sweetest Bitch You'll Ever Meet.
- [Laughing.]
- After I Have Sex With A Guy, I Will Rip Their Heads Off.
- Go, Vinny! Go, Vinny! - Um, Hello? -  If You Wanna Have Fun, Then Do Something Crazy  [Rock Music.]
  - She's Not Coming.
- She's Coming.
- She Ain't Coming.
I Was Waiting On This Girl I Met At Tantra To Go On A Date.
She Got A Little Scared Or Something, A Little Nervous, Didn't Show Up.
[Phone Ringing.]
She's Not Answering.
- Your Call Has Been Forwarded To An Automatic Voice Message-- - I'm Pissed Off.
I Got These Flowers, I Got A Haircut.
I Wanted To Go Out With Her.
And Then She Didn't Come.
- We're Going Right Now.
If You Want, Come With Us.
Like-- Like You Can Come Eat With Us, It's No Problem.
- It's A Blow To Me, You Know What I Mean? It's--It's Like I Got Kicked In The Stomach.
  - [Laughing.]
- Cheers.
- Just Saying, Son.
- To Your Birthday, Jose.
Happy Birthday! - Thank You For The Hospitality, Guys.
- It Was Jose's Birthday, So I Wanted To Take Him Out To Dinner, And I Wanted Ron And Sam To Come, 'cause, Like, You Know, Ron And Sam Are My Best Friends In This House.
- Oh! - Yo, High Five! High Five! - High Five It! - High Five It! - High Five It! - High Five It! - Thank You, Thank You.
[Speaking Italian.]
- Thank You For Coming Out, You Know? Hey, And Thank You For, Like, Being, Like, Hospitality, You Know, Like, Honestly, You Know, Like-- I Appreciate It, Man, For Real.
- Unfortunately, I Feel Like After I Told Jose About Me Hooking Up With Vinny, I Think He Was Upset.
- Right Now, I've Known The Kid For, Like, Two Weeks, Three Weeks, Tops, That's It.
I Don't Really Think That I Need To Tell Anybody Anything.
- I Got My Wish.
- Aww! Thank You.
- [Kiss.]
I Got My Wish.
- I'm Gonna Go To The Bathroom.
- Me Too.
- Oh, Yeah.
Oh, Yes.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Watch This For Me? - You Know, We Didn't-- We're Not Together, But I, Like, Literally, Like, I Kind Of Thought, Like, We Were, You Know, Hanging Out And [Bleep.]
, So - Yeah.
- You Know, It's-- It's Not A Big Deal, But At The Same Time, She's Telling Me, You Know, Don't Be [Bleep.]
Around With Other Girls, So I'm Thinking, "you're Setting Rules On Me, Then What The [Bleep.]
--" - She Said That To You? - Oh, Yeah, Dude.
- She Didn't Tell Me That.
- Oh, Dude-- - She Didn't Say That.
She Skipped That Part Of The Story.
- What?! Yeah, Of Course, Bro.
- She Went From Chapter One To Chapter Three.
- Come On, Dude.
You Know This Is Not My First Time Around The Block, Dude.
You Know What I Mean? Not For Nothing, I Just-- I-- I Just Did What She-- You Know, What She Was-- Respecting, Dude, You Know? Respect Each Other, But [Bleep.]
It Dude, You Know? We're Not Together.
- Jose's Definitely Getting Played.
Like A Piano.
[Piano Music.]
- My-- - ciao! - My Favorite One Is - Bye! Now We're Going To Walk Home.
Happy B-Day.
- Oh, My God.
- Yeah.
- Angelina, She Is My Friend, But I Don't Trust That Girl.
She Just Says One Thing But Will Do Another.
- Hey, Hey, Hey.
  - Hey, Welcome Back.
- When I Get Back, Vinny's Pissed.
I Hate To See Vinny Upset, I Really Hate It, He's Like A Little Brother To Me.
Yo, I Can't Believe That Chick Really Did That, Like, Why Wouldn't She Just-- Why Would She Say She's Gonna Go And Not-- That's Crazy, Like, Why Wouldn't You Just Be Real? Like, Damn.
- I Know.
As Soon As I Got The Phone, I'm Like, There's Probably Like An 85% Chance Of Her Not Coming.
- High Five It.
- Hello! - Oh, What Up? How Was Dinner? - Good.
- It Was Good.
How Was Your Dinner? - Good.
It Was Nice.
- Really? - Are You Ok, Bro? - Yeah, I'm Fine.
- Vinny, You Know, He's Going Crazy.
He's Like, "[Bleep.]
, I Look, Like, Retarded.
"i Went And Got Flowers, Got A Haircut, Made Dinner Reservations.
" I Got To Go In The Smush Room For A Second.
And I Feel Bad For Him.
So, Um, I, Uh, Left Vinny Money, And I Gave The Flowers To Sam That Vinny Bought.
- Yo, Look What He Got.
- [Laughing.]
- Look What He Got You.
Look What He Got You.
- These Are Not For Me.
- God Only Knows What's On These, 'cause They Were Just On The Bed For Three Hours.
You Got My Children On There, Mike's Children.
You Got Snooki Juice.
- You Didn't Pick These Out Yourself.
- I Still Paid For Them.
- Aww! - There Was No Thought In That, Bro.
- Doesn't Matter.
I Paid For Them.
- No.
- Honestly, I Was Just Being An Ass, To Be Honest With You.
It Really Didn't-- I Didn't Give Her The Flowers.
- Bye, Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Come On Over Here.
Let's Go To Bed.
- Have A Great Day.
- Thank You, Sweetheart.
- Where Do You Want To Sleep Right Now? - Babe, Wherever You Want.
I Thought We Were Going To Sleep In The Living Room, But If You Don't Want To Sleep There, Let's Sleep In Your Bed.
- Jose Definitely Wanted, Uh, Birthday Sex.
[Laughs.]
So, Um, He Was Like, "let's Stay In The Smush Room Tonight.
" I Was Like, "ok, Fine.
" So You Know.
I Definitely Don't Think This Bed Is, Like, Good To Sleep On.
I Just Needed To Make Sure The Freakin' Room Wasn't Dirty.
You Don't Think It's, Like, Grimy, Like, To Sleep On This Bed Right Now? - If Not-- - All Right, Just Go-- Just Put-- Just Put It Over.
I'll Be Right Back.
Unfortunately, I Was Really Tired.
You Know? Like-- Plus, It Was That Time Of The Month For Me.
[Coughing.]
But, I Mean, Don't Get Me Wrong, I Feel Like The Kid's Really Attractive, He's My Type Of Guy, But I'm The Woman, So I Pick And Choose When I Want To Have Sex With A Guy.
[Clearing Throat.]
[Sighs.]
No Birthday Sex For Jose, Sorry.
  - How The Hell Did I Wake Up And My Hair's Still Done? I Don't Understand What's Going On.
- Call Me Later, All Right? - All Right, I'll Call You Later.
- All Right, Babe, Have Fun Today.
- Happy B-Day! I'm Sorry We Couldn't Go Crazy, But - I Had Fun.
- I Am Not In Love With Jose.
I'm Liking The Kid, But I Wouldn't Go As Far As Saying Love.
- Uh, Ange You All Right, Girl? - Tired.
- Angelina's On The Smash Score Board, Isn't She? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What's My Score Right Now? - You Are-- You Are 1-0.
- No, 2.
- You Only Smashed Vinny.
- No, Jose.
- You Smashed Jose Last Night? - Yeah.
- Smash Vinny One Day, And The Next Day, You Smash Jose.
- At Least He Got It In.
- Did You Guys Smash? - They Did.
She Admitted To Jose That Bagging Vinny, Right? - You Told Jose? - She Did.
- Yeah.
- And He Knew That If He Went Home With Her, That She Was Gonna Bang, Because She Banged Vinny The Night Before-- - And He Don't Give A [Bleep.]
About Her.
That's Why.
- Yeah.
So He's Like, "i'm Definitely Getting Ass Tonight.
" - Exactly.
He Just Wants To Get It In.
- If He Would Have Cared About You-- - He Cares About Me.
He Does.
- 'cause There's No Way Angelina Was Gonna Say No, Because She Banged You The Night Before.
- Sympathy Bang.
- Angelina, You're Getting It In Now, Girl.
Two Days In A Row! - Um, I Just, You Know, Made Up This Lie About Me Having Sex With Jose, Just So I Didn't Have To Hear Anybody And I Didn't Have To Deal With Them, Like, You Know, Busting My Chops Anymore.
- Banging, Uh, Vinny One Day And Then-- The Other Guy The Next Day.
- That's Something You Would Do.
- Yeah, Right? - You Know What I'm Saying? That's A Mike Move.
- That's A Situation Move.
- I Hate That Whole Thing That A Guy Can Do It, But Girls Can't, Like - It's Not Sad That There Is A Double Standard.
Everybody Knows There's A Double Standard.
Everybody Loves A Guy That Gets Girls.
He's The Man.
He's The Pimp.
And Then, Everybody Doesn't Like A Girl That Is A Ho, And That's Angelina.
- I'm A Single Girl, Like, What Do You Want Me To Do? - Yeah, If That's What Helps You Sleep At Night.
- Angelina Got It In With Vinny Because She's A Loosey-Goose.
And Then She Had Sex With Jose The Next Day.
Whore! Just Sayin'.
- I'm In Miami, Like, What Do You Expect? - It's All Good.
I'm Not Hating.
Whatever.
I'm Your Roommate.
What Are You Gonna Do? - I Know It's A Double Standard, But You're Bringing Guys Home Left And Right.
You're [Bleep.]
Guys Left And Right That, Like, Live In This House And Don't Live In This House.
You're Giving Them A Reason To Humiliate You.
- Good Times, Good Times.
- Hmm.
- Tom Is Coming To Visit.
[Laughing.]
Tom Sees A Number That He Doesn't Approve Of Tom.
- [Bleep.]
Sucks So Bad.
- You Got To Calm Down.
- I'm Done.
Get The [Bleep.]
Out Of My Face.
- Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Whoa! Â Â - At The Gelato Shop! The Guidos Are Here! Hi, Welcome To Lick-A-Lick.
I'm Jenni.
How Can I Help You? - [Laughing.]
- Could I Actually Have A Small Fruity Debosco? - Careful, That Cup's Hot.
Just Kidding.
Eh, What's Going On? How Are You? - Good.
- How Was-- Um, You're Not Working Today? Mwah.
- Yeah, In A Little Bit.
- I See Rocio Again At The Gelato Shop.
Rocio Seems Mad Cool.
She's Definitely Not A Ho.
She's Definitely Not A Stalker.
She's Cool.
Yo, I Work Mad Hard Over Here.
- Mad Hard.
I Was Saying That Yesterday.
I Was Cracking Up By Myself.
Like, I'm Like, I Was Thinking-- I Was Saying It By Myself.
I Was Like, "yo, It's Mad Hard To Be Single.
" - [Laughs.]
- I Was Just Laughing By Myself.
- I Told You.
It's Mad Hard.
- It's Mad Hard.
No? Aww.
- He Still Can't Believe, Like, That That Girl Dissed Him Like That.
- But She Called Him, Like, Ahead Of Time, Right? - No.
- No? That's All Right, Somebody Else Will Come Along.
- I Like Spending Time With Her, But I Don't Want To Mess It Up And, Like, Rush Things Or Anything Like That.
I Don't Want To Turn Her Into A Stalker.
I Got A Tendency To Do That.
- I Think I'm Going To Let You Go, So You Can Get Back To Work, And I've Got To Get To Work.
- All Right.
[Phone Beeping.]
- My House, [Bleep.]
No One-- I Can't Believe This Girl Can Sleep 13, 14 Hours.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hi, Is Nicole There? - Who's This? - Jenni.
- Yo, It's Me, Ange.
- Oh, Can You Wake Her Up For A Nail Appointment? - You Want Me To Go Do What? - Wake Her Up And Say That She Has To Be Ready In Like 20 Minutes For A Nail Appointment.
- All Right.
- And-- Yeah.
Just Make Sure The [Bleep.]
Gets Up.
- All Right.
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
Bye.
- Bye.
  - My Girl Came To See Me.
Does That Mean She Likes Me? - Yeah.
I Claim The Escalade.
I Got A Nail Appointment.
Just Letting You Know.
- Honey, I'm Home! - I Tried Saying Something.
She's Not Up.
- Honey, I'm Home! - [Bleep.]
Angelina At This Point Can Go [Bleep.]
Herself.
The Girl Doesn't Do [Bleep.]
.
That's Just-- It's Sad.
- I'll Get Her Up.
- You Will? - Pauly! - Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah! Time To Wake Up! I Almost Seen Your Cooka.
We Have A Nail Appointment.
- Oh! - [Grunting.]
- I'm Up! - No, You're Not.
- [Laughing.]
Nail Appointment.
- My Cooka's Out.
- We Have A Nail Appointment.
- [Jenni And Pauly Laughing.]
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
- [Both Laughing.]
  - Tom Is Coming To Visit, Um Which I'm Extremely Excited About.
So I Want To Try And Look Good For My Boyfriend.
- Hey! Very Good.
I Love Those.
- How Much Is An Eyebrow Wax In Here? - I Just Blew $200.
  - Ah! [Laughing.]
Hi.
- How Are You? [Kiss.]
- Good.
I Was Just Coming Out.
[Laughing.]
- I Haven't Seen You In Forever.
- I Know.
[Kiss.]
You Look Tan.
I Haven't Seen Tom In So Long That I Actually Feel Like, Oh My God, Like, I Feel Like It's Our Second Date Almost.
Missed You.
- Me Too.
- It's Like, A Very Giddy Feeling, Like A Butterfly Feeling.
This Is My Closet Area, And Nicole's.
- Not Bad.
- Hey! [Laughing.]
- Do You Always Sleep With Sunglasses On? - Ahh! - [Laughing.]
How Are You? - Good.
Oh My God.
How Are You? - Good.
- I'm So Happy To See You.
- I See You Put These To Use.
- Yeah, I Did.
- Holy [Bleep.]
.
Were You Burning Rubber In Them? - I Wear Them Outside.
- Ew! [Laughing.]
- Should I Do This And Flip-Flops? - All Right, Change.
[Dramatic Music.]
- Tom Found A Friend's Number In My Phonebook That He Asked Me Before I Left Not To Take Down, But I Did.
So-- I Haven't Called Him, Though.
- Stop Being A Butthole.
- You Did It With That One.
- No, I Didn't.
- No, You Really Did.
- I Didn't Do Anything.
- 'cause You're Lying Through Your Teeth.
All Right, I'm Leaving.
- No, You're Not.
- Yeah, Ok.
Watch This-- Watch This Happen Right Now.
- Stop.
Stop.
- Oh, My Goodness.
I Want To Leave.
- Tom-- - You've Got To Calm Down.
- Can You Give Me Five Minutes? - You Just-- You Just [Bleep.]
It Royally.
I Want To Leave.
- I Got A Beautiful Girl Here, And She's Ready To Go.
She Was So Dtf.
I Got To Handle My Business Now.
- So I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
Lock It, Lock It.
  - Tom Starts Going Through My Phonebook And Sees A Number That He Doesn't Approve Of.
Stop.
- No, I'm Done.
- Oh, My Goodness.
Can You Give Me Five Minutes? - I'm Leaving.
- I've Been Waiting Six Weeks For You To Get Here.
- I Didn't Do Anything.
Cleaned My [Bleep.]
Room, Did Everything That I [Beep.]
Could-- - You Can't Leave.
I Can't-- I Can't Have This.
I'll Have A [Bleep.]
Nervous Breakdown.
I'm Not Doing It Again.
That's All I'm Saying, Is Just, Please Go Back Inside With Me And Go [Sighs.]
No.
There Is No Way, Uh, Tom Is Leaving.
- Is Tom Here? - Yeah, He's In The Bathroom.
- Tom! Get The [Bleep.]
Out! - He Just Tried To Leave.
- Why? - Dude, I Have No Idea.
- What Up, Bro? - Doing Good.
- What's Up, Man? How You Doing? Chillin'? - Yep.
Are You Ready To Get Dinner With Me? 'cause You're Not Leaving.
I Can't Sleep The 48 Hours Away, You Know.
[Laughing.]
Ow! Come On! - [Laughing.]
I'll Make You Eat It.
- Oh No, Now You Just Gave Me A Good Idea.
- No! [Laughing.]
Ok? Come On.
- No! [Laughing.]
No--Oh! - How'd That Taste? - Booger.
- How'd That Taste? Good? Good.
- Ow.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Angelina.
- Yeah, What's Up? - I'm Outside, Bro.
- Ok, I'm Coming Out.
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
Bye.
- Oh My God! - Hi! [Both Laughing.]
- Hello, You.
I Missed You.
Gina's Been My Friend For About Nine Years.
It Feels Good To, Like, See Somebody From, You Know, Back Home, Finally.
- If You Don't Like Anything, Mommy Said To Bring It Back.
She Said To Try It On, And Then - I Like That.
My Mom Sent Some Dresses, Which Was Cool.
- This Is The Stuff Your Mom Got You.
- Is This Gonna Be Too Big For Me? - No, Just Try It On.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hi, Can I Speak To Angelina, Please? - Hi, Mommy.
I Love You, Mommy.
- I Love You, Ange.
- Mom, I Love The Dresses That You Bought Me.
Thank You.
I Like The Bracelet With The Black And-- Black And Silver That You Bought Me.
Thank You.
And The Earrings And All The Jewelry You Bought Me.
Thank You Very Much.
- Did You Like Everything-- Oh, Those Three Shirts That I Had Here, That You Wear Them To The Beach Or Whatever, You Should Throw Something On With Them.
- [Sighing.]
- Hello? - [Choked Up.]
Mm-Hmm.
[Sniffs.]
- You Ok? - I Miss Home.
Completely.
My Mom's My Best Friend, And I Miss Her.
And I Definitely, Definitely Miss My Friends.
It's Kind Of Hard Being Here And You Know, Not Having Those People Around You.
[Sighing.]
- Hello? Yeah.
I Know.
She Just Walked Away.
She-- She's Crying.
I Don't Know Why.
- She's Crying? - Yeah.
I Think She Misses You.
- I Don't Want Her Crying.
- I Know.
- The Dress Is Too Tight, Maybe? Â Â - Ow! - This Is Exactly What I Live For.
I Live To [Bleep.]
Get Yelled At By Nicole While I Try And Do Her Hair.
- I'm Going To Elbow You In The Crotch Right Now.
- [Laughing.]
- Did You Ever Get Kicked In Your Cooka? - Um, No, But I Have Had Accidents.
- Me Too.
Tell Me.
- I Think A Bicycle.
- Me Too! - Where You [Bleep.]
Fall Forward.
- It Was So Bad.
- How Painful.
- I Ran-- I Ran Into A House.
I Was Like-- Boom! I Was Like, "my Cooka!" - How Painful Is That? - I Thought I Broke My Vagina Bone.
It Was Terrible.
- Yeah.
- Angelina! - What? - Gina Keeps Hitting On Me.
- He Thinks I Want Him.
- [Laughing.]
- I Don't Know! - It's T-Shirt Time? - 12:10 Is T-Shirt Time.
- It Is 12:10.
- Both: Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Â T-Shirt Time! Â - Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Â Everybody Knows It's T-Shirt Time! Â - So Annoying.
- Â T-Shirt Time! Â - Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Oh My God! Shut Up Now! - I'm Just Trying To Let Everybody Know So They Put Their T-Shirts On.
The Cab's Here! - Let's Go.
Roll Out.
[Dance Club Music.]
- Are You Ready? Â Â - We Noticed That Angelina's Dancing With The Dude That [Bleep.]
Snooki.
And I'm Trying To See, Like, What's Up With That.
-  Stop, Drop, Control Your Passion   Get Your Paws Off In An Orderly Fashion  - I Don't Know If Angelina's Doing That To Get At Snooki, Or She's Doing That 'cause She Likes The Dude, But It's Real Funny.
- I Think Angelina Is A Pathetic Person.
I Get With Vinny; She Gets With Vinny.
I Get With Dennis; She Tries To Get With Dennis.
Like, You Love My Sloppy Seconds.
-  Get Your Paws Off In An Orderly Fashion  - Why Are You Wearing A Suit? You Look Like You Just Got Back From A Funeral.
You Should Change.
I'm Just Being Honest.
- The Guys Are [Bleep.]
Grenades.
Grenade Grundle Chodes.
That's What They Are.
All The Guys Coming Up To Me Are Disgusting.
- The Chicks At Dream.
[Whistles.]
There Is So Many People At Dream Tonight.
It Is Crowded, There's Girls Swarming Me.
- And There's This Hot Girl.
- Oh, She's All Over Me.
And She Is Just Smokin'.
I Couldn't Even Wait To Bring Her Home.
I Was Like, I Got To Handle My Business Now.
And, Oh, [Bleep.]
.
So I Take My Girl, I Run Through The Club, And I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
- Angelina, You Didn't Get [Bleep.]
? - No, [Bleep.]
.
- So, What'd You Do, Then? - Dance, Like A [Bleep.]
Human Being.
- Oh, So You Danced With Snooki's Guy? - No, I Didn't Dance With Snooki's Guy.
- Oh! - [Jenni Laughing.]
  - We're At Dream Right Now, And I Got A Beautiful Girl Here, And She's Ready To Go.
This Girl Is Ready.
She Was So Dtf.
So I Take My Girl, I Run Through The Club, And I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
- [Laughs.]
- Lock It! Lock It! - [Knocking On Door.]
Yo! One Person In The Bathroom At A Time.
One Person! - And I Guess Security Ended Up Knocking On The Door, Whatever.
My Plan Was Foiled.
So I'm Thinking To Myself, I'm Like, You Know What? I'm Like, "i Want To Leave Now.
" So, We're About To Walk Out Of Here, And The Next Thing I Know I Lose Her.
It Was Crowded Or What Have You.
Whatever It Was.
The Club Is Closed Now.
You Can't Even-- You're Not Even Supposed To Go Back In The Club.
And Now I Don't Have My Girl.
I'm So Pissed.
I Didn't Even Get My Girl's Number.
- We Didn't Bring Anybody Home Tonight.
I Should Have Brought Home Nicole's Man.
- [Laughing.]
- What A Good Night.
[Laughing.]
- I - I Had So Much Fun With You Tonight.
- I've, Like, Fallen Back In Love With You, Like - So Did I.
- And - It's Great, Because I Love You.
You Know, I Think Things Are Picking Up Between Us And Things Are Getting Better As The Days Go On, The Weeks Go On, And Then It's Like We're Finding The Love We Found In Jersey.
- No, Seriously.
Did You Get [Bleep.]
Tonight? - You Guys Are Being Retarded, Seriously.
- What? - If I Was - They're Trying To Instigate Problems.
I Didn't Even Talk To That Kid Like That.
- I Just Call It Like I See It.
You Know What I'm Saying? She Got [Bleep.]
On The Dance Floor.
- What Does That Mean? - She Got [Bleep.]
.
- Yeah, Ok.
I Got-- - Angelina, You Didn't Get [Bleep.]
? - No, [Bleep.]
! - So What'd You Do, Then? - Dance, Like A [Bleep.]
Human Being.
- No, I Didn't Dance With Snooki's Guy.
- Oh! - Oh! - What Happened Tonight? You Just Talked To Him? You Didn't Dance With Him? - Um, I Was Talking To Another Kid, Actually.
- So You Didn't Dance With Him? 'cause I'm Just Saying, 'cause It's [Bleep.]
5 Million People That Seen You Dance With Him Tonight.
- He Was Dancing On This Side.
I Was Dancing With My Friends.
- So, Let Me Get This Straight.
Dude [Bleep.]
Snooki And Dances With You, But You Was Dancing On The Side Of Him.
I'm Just Sayin'.
- Pauly, I Never Knew You Had Such A Big Mouth.
- If You Want Me To Mind My Business, Just Tell Me.
- Mind Your [Bleep.]
Business.
- I Don't Want You To Get An Infection.
- [Mike Laughs.]
  [Record Scratching To Halt.]
- [Jenni Laughing.]
Nicole Is Piss-Drunk While Me And Tom Were Trying To, Uh, Yeah And She Actually Goes Underneath The Covers And Grabs Me And Tom's Foot.
- Love You! - [Jenni Laughs.]
I Just Felt Something Grab My Leg.
- Sorrys! - It Was Like The Puppy Dog Shame Face, Like, "oh My God, I Didn't Know," And She Ran Off.
- Meh! [Laughs.]
- "samantha.
We Met At A Club Last Night.
My Number.
" - [Laughing.]
- Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Whoa! Â Â - You Guys Ready? - I'm Ready.
- Ready?! Oh, Yeah.
Gym, Laundry.
Yeah.
- I Wake Up Early.
The House Is A Mess.
It's Disgusting.
I Feel Like I'm Living With A Bunch Of, Like, You Know, Zoo Animals.
This [Bleep.]
House.
Another Mess.
Dishes Are Always Piled Up.
It's Getting To The Point Where It's Like Overwhelming.
It's Just Gross.
[Phone Ringing.]
Hello? - Hey.
I'm At The Pool.
What's Up? - I'm Just Cleaning The House A Little Bit 'cause It's A [Bleep.]
Disaster.
You Want To Go To The Beach? - Yeah.
- All Right, So Come Here Now.
- All Right.
Bye.
- Bye.
- Looking Good! - What A Chest.
- If I Didn't Do My Gtl Or Take Care Of Myself, I Don't Know What I'd Look Like.
If You Don't Go To The Gym, You Don't Look Good.
If You Don't Tan, You're Pale.
And If You Don't Do Laundry, You Ain't Got No Clothes.
I Wrote Down "situation.
" It's In Here Somewhere.
Let's Find It.
- How Do You Say "clothes" In Spanish? - Ropa.
- No Ropa.
- No Ropa Para Situation.
- No Ropa Para Situation.
- No Bueno! - No, I No See Nothing.
- no Bueno.
I Got-- Remember I Came In, I Came In, I Got [Unclear.]
With You.
- No, Not With Me.
Not With Me.
- Remember? Ohh, No! - Ohh, A Situation! - You Remember You Pick Up Yesterday? - I Picked Up Yesterday? - Yeah, Honey, You Picked Up Yesterday.
I Was Here When You Pick It Up.
Remember, Situation? - Oh, Ok, Ok.
Ok, Ok, Ok.
- Ok? - My Bad.
[Laughs.]
I Came Back From My Whole Gtl Game, And On The Front Door I See A Nice Little Note.
- "samantha.
We Met At A Club Last Night.
My Number.
" - [Pauly Laughing.]
- Oh, That's My Chick.
- Huh? - That's My Chick.
- All: Oh.
- I Thought It Was To Samantha.
- No.
- I Thought It Was For Sammi, Like Some Guy Wrote It For Sammi.
- No, It's Mine.
This Is The Same Chick I Had Met The Night Before At The Club.
- And I Had To Leave, And I Didn't Get This Chick's Number.
But, Uh I Guess She Found Me.
What A Beautiful Chick.
I Was Talking About Her All Day Today Too.
The Note Says, Like, "samantha" And Has Her Number, And It Says "call Me.
" Now, If I Wanted To Decipher That For You, It Pretty Much Says, "here's My Number.
Please Call Me So We Can Bang Real Quick.
" - Everything's Going Smooth For Ronnie And Sammi, And, Um, It's Boring, So I Need To Create Some Excitement.
[Laughing.]
- Yo.
- [Laughing.]
Just Kidding! - Oh My God, [Bleep.]
.
- Somebody Wrote This.
It Was On The Thing.
It's For Mike, Though.
- Oh.
You're An [Bleep.]
.
- Look At This.
[Laughing.]
- Her Name's Samantha? - Yeah.
- Oh, God, You're A [Bleep.]
.
- [Laughing.]
- Holy [Bleep.]
.
- See Ya.
- Have Fun.
- Don't Want To Be Nowhere Near Her.
Me And Pauly Definitely Is A Little Drained At This Point.
I Want To Go To The Beach, Just Want To Chill Out And Relax.
- Where's The Topless Part? I Want To Go Topless.
- Let's Get Some Guys' Numbers On The Beach And Invite Them Out Tonight.
- [Laughing.]
I Want That Kid's Number, Look.
- Who, Who? - Right There.
- But, Ew! Ew.
- [Laughing.]
- Oh, Look, There's Pauly, Right? - Where? - You Want To Go Over There Or No? - Ehh - I Basically Didn't Say Anything To Vinny And Pauly.
I'm With My Friend Right Now.
I Don't Want To Be Disturbed By, You Know, Immature Little Men.
So I Decided To Hang Out With My Friend And Not Even Say One Word To Them And Not Even Acknowledge That They Were There.
- Me And Vinny, We Notice These Beached Whales On The Beach.
[Whale Sounds.]
Oh No, I'm Sorry, It Was Angelina And Her Friend Gina.
We See Them At The Beach.
We're Not Even Saying Hi To Them.
We're Letting Them Have Their Space.
Me And Vinny Just Kind Of Do Us And Let Angelina And Her Friend Do Them.
- Me And Pauly, Like, Can Have Fun Out Of Nothing, And When We Hang Out, It's Just Like, It's Just No Effort.
We Just Easily Get Along With Each Other.
He's Like A Best Friend Of Mine.
- [Laughing.]
You Look Mad Funny.
We Had A Good Time, Him And I.
We Met Some Girls.
And Then They, Um, Helped Me Bury Vinny In The Sand.
We're Gonna Give You Boobs.
- No, But These Are Pretty Big.
I Think You're A "b.
" - Oh, Nice Boobs, Bro.
I Think It Looks Good.
- Yeah.
- Can You Get Out, Bro? - All: Oh! [Laughing.]
- Where's My Towel? - Oh, I Buried It.
- [Both Laughing.]
- You Can Use Mine.
- Oh, Yeah.
Oh, Yeah.
This-- This-- My Girl From Last Night? - She Came And She Left It On The Fence? - Smokin' Chick.
Do You Know Where We're Going Tonight? 'cause I'm Gonna Tell Her To Come With Us.
- Clutch? - I'm Gonna Call Her Now.
I'm Gonna Tell Her She Come Out Tonight And She Come Over.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hey, Baby.
- "hey, Baby.
" - Hi.
- What Are You Doing? - "what Are You Do--" [Laughs.]
Ew! If You Ever Talked Like That To Me, I'd Be Like, "what The [Bleep.]
?" - Do You-- Do You Have Plans Or Something Tonight? - Do I Have-- No, I Don't Have Plans Tonight.
- So You Have Plans With Me Now.
- [Laughing.]
I Have Plans With You.
- Yeah.
- [Laughing.]
Where Are You Going? Uh, We're Going To Go To The Club Or Whatever.
So, Um, We Usually Go To The Club At, Like, Midnight.
But I'll Call You At Around, Um, You Know, 11:00 Or Something And You Come Over, And Then We'll Go Out, And Maybe You Can Sleep Over Or Something.
- Ok.
Call Me.
- You Creep Me Out.
- All Right, Baby? Miss You.
- Ok.
[Laughs.]
Miss You Too.
- You Freak.
- All Right, Baby.
- All Right, Bye.
- You Creep Me Out.
- You're A Creep.
- You Would 100% Creep Me Out, I'm Not Even Kidding.
- She's Smokin'.
She's Smokin'.
- Ew! You're So - Uh, My Girl's Coming Over Tonight, And The House Is A Mess.
I'm Tired Of Cleaning Up, But I Got To Make A Good Impression On My Girl.
Uh, And I-- I-- This Is All That I'm Leaving, And I'm Leaving It For Angelina.
I Just Cleaned This Whole House-- Garbage, Throwing Everything Away I'm Doing This, I'm Doing That, And Then I Go Into The Bathroom What The [Bleep.]
Is That? Are You [Bleep.]
Serious? For Real? Can I Show You This, How Dirty This Trash Bag Is? When You Get A Chance, If You Could Help Out With The Dishes-- - I Cleaned Up All Morning.
- You Know, Shut Your Mouth, You Dirty Little Hamster.
- Get Out Of My Face.
- Stop! - Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! - Get Out Of My Face! - Come On, Come On! - I Just Cleaned This Whole House-- Garbage, Throwing Everything Away I'm Doing This, I'm Doing That And Then I Go Into The Bathroom For Real? Can I Show You This, How Dirty This [Bleep.]
Trash Bag Is? Look At This.
What Is That? What Is This Thing Right Here? What Is This? - Ew! It's A Pad! - Oh, My God.
- What Is That? What Is That? Like, Listen, Girls, I Know That This [Bleep.]
Happens.
I Know That Every Month, There's A Situation.
But At Least Clean The [Bleep.]
Up.
Oh, This Is It Right Here.
This Is It Right Here.
This Granny Panty [Bleep.]
.
- [Both Laughing.]
- So When I See That [Bleep.]
, I [Bleep.]
Flip Out.
- Ew! - Oh My God! - Here You Go, You Dirty Trash Bag.
- [Jenni Laughing.]
- Here, Right Under Your Bed.
There You Go.
There You Go.
Clean Up After Yourself.
Oh My God.
[Rock Music.]
  - Well, Basically, I See A Guy, Like, Walking Along The Beach, And I Just Said, "hey, You, Come Over Here.
" And He Came Over To Me, And He Was Really A Sweet Guy.
He's Like A Cutie Pie.
- He Is.
He's A Good Kid.
- He's Hot.
[Laughs.]
And, You Know, We Invited Him To The House.
I Always Meet The Nice Guys.
[Laughs.]
I Think His Name's Mike.
I Think So.
 Rock-A-Bye, Baby   Welcome To New Jack City, Where The Drinks Are Strong   And The Girls Look Pretty   But So Big That I Call Her Friend Niddy  - [Laughing.]
- See? Why Can't We Walk Around Like That? - Where Are You Guys Going? Ocean's? - Yeah, To Get A Drink, Man.
Want To Eat At Newt's? - Yeah, Yeah.
- Aw! - Did You? Good.
Good.
- Angelina Gives Everyone In The House A Reason To Get On Her, 'cause She's Dirty And She Doesn't Clean Up After Herself, Period.
So, Is It Going To Be Another Fighting Night Or A Chill Night? - Fight Night? - Another Fight Night Tonight.
- You Think So? - I Wonder Who's Home.
Somebody Cleaned.
- You Guys Want To Put This In The Kitchen? - Um, No, Come.
Just Mike's Bed, Pauly's Bed, My Bed.
[Gasps.]
Check My Bed.
Did He [Bleep.]
With My Belongings? - You Check It.
I Have To Go Pee.
- He Did.
He [Bleep.]
My Stuff.
I Basically Picked Up My Pillow, And I Saw A Used Pad, Um, You Know, On My Bed.
It's Always Mike.
He's Always Pranking Me, And I'm So [Bleep.]
Sick Of It.
- Yo, That's [Bleep.]
Up.
Who Did That? I'm Going To Throw Up.
- I Was A Little Embarrassed, Because I Did Feel Like I Didn't Know The New Kid, And For Him To Have Seen Something Like That, I Think He Was Probably Like, "wow.
What Goes On In This House?" - Yo, Who Would Want To Touch That? What The [Bleep.]
Is Wrong With Them? I'll Just Pick It Up After, You Know-- - No, I'm Throwing It Out Now.
It's My [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- No, With A Plastic Bag Just-- You Don't Have To Touch It.
- What A [Bleep.]
Douchebag That [Bleep.]
Is.
His [Bleep.]
! He's Such A [Bleep.]
, Man.
I Hate Him.
Mike's A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- Oh, Yeah! - I Should Just Go Lock Myself In The Bathroom, So - [Both Girls Laughing.]
- Douchebag.
[Beep.]
.
[Gasps.]
Check My Bed.
Did He [Bleep.]
With My Belongings? He Did.
Mike's A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- Oh, Yeah! There's A Tampon Under The Bed.
If You Weren't Dirty, You Wouldn't Get A Prank.
- Don't Even Say Nothing About It.
'cause If You Do, Then It's Gonna Get-- That's What They Want You To Do, So - Oh No, I Don't Care.
- What's Up, Man? What's Your Name? - Michael.
- Nice To Meet You.
Are You Friends Or Related Or - Yeah, He's My Friend.
- Where Did You Meet Him? - On The Beach.
- Oh, Cool, Cool.
You Know Angelina Brought Home Another Dude From The Beach? - We Really Have To Step Up Our Pimping Game.
- I-- I-- - Because, Like You Know, I Bang Two-- She Bangs Two Guys In The Same Day.
She's Getting Daytime Dates In The House.
Like, Yo, We Got To Step Up, Bro.
- She Brings Home A Guy Every Other Day-- - She's Like A [Bleep.]
Matinee During The Day.
- She's Got The Matinee, Right? - She's A Matinee, Yo.
- Ange, When You Get A Chance, If You Could Help Out With The Dishes With Some Of The Other People In The House That Don't Do Anything.
- I Cleaned Up All Morning, Baby Doll.
- Really? - Mm-Hmm.
- Are You For Real? 'cause I'm The One That Cleaned The Whole House Today.
- You Cleaned Up Everything Else, But I Threw Away Garbages, And I Cleaned Up A Lot Of Stuff-- - Garbages? - [Clears Throat.]
- Are You For Real? - I Swear To God.
- Would You Want To Walk Outside And See How Many Trash Bags I Filled Up Today? - Can You Stop Starting With Me, Mike? 'cause I've [Bleep.]
Had Enough Of Your [Bleep.]
.
- Yo, Oh My God, Angelina.
[Bleep.]
You Know What, Maybe If You Wouldn't Leave A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
Tampon-- - It was You.
- In The [Bleep.]
-- - It was You.
- In The Bathroom On The Floor-- You-- What-- - It Wasn't On The Floor, Idiot.
What World Do You Live In Where There's A [Bleep.]
Dirty Tampon? You Are The Dirtiest Girl I've Ever Met.
- I Think It's Gross That Angelina Leaves Her Pads Around The House.
So For Mike To Get Mad At That, You Know, I Got His Back Completely.
- Don't Talk About Me Like This In Front Of My Friends, 'cause You're Making Everybody Not Like You.
- I Don't Care Who's Here.
This Is My House.
I Don't Care.
- Leave Me The [Bleep.]
Alone.
Get Out Of My Face.
- Yo, Shut Your Mouth, You Dirty Little Hamster.
- You Look Like Popeye On Crack.
Get Out Of My Face, Jerkoff.
- Popeye On Crack.
Oh My God.
How Many Guys Did You Sleep With In 24 Hours? Two.
- No, I Didn't Have Sex With Jose, You Moron.
- Vinny And Jose.
- Can You Tell-- Tell Him To Go [Bleep.]
Himself As My Friend Right Now.
- 24-Hour Period, You Banged Two Guys.
- Yo! Mike, Stop.
- You Know What You're Good At? You're Good At Being A Ho.
- Oh, Well, You're A Dirtbag, And Your Penis Should Fall Off, 'cause You're Disgusting.
'cause You're Disgusting.
- Yeah, All Right.
- Don't Listen To Him.
He's [Bleep.]
'cause You're In Front Of Me Right Now.
- He's Trying To Make Me Look Bad.
I Do What I Want In My Life.
That's It.
I'm A Single Girl.
I Do What I Want.
I'm Glad That You Were Supposed To Be My Friend, And You're Trying To Embarrass Me In Front Of My Real Friends.
- I'm Not Trying To Embarrass You In Front Of Anybody.
- All Right, Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Stop! - Whoa, Whoa! Come On, Come On! - Get Out Of My Face, You Jerkoff! - Hey, Baby, What's Up? Come On In.
Guess What? I'm About To Smash Tonight.
- Oh!! - Yo, What Is That? Is That Her Screaming Having Sex? - That's The Sound Of Love.
- And i'm A Whore.
- Alex! You Hooked Up With Her? - No, I Didn't.
- You Definitely, Like, Hooked Up With Her.
Snooki Has The Audacity To Walk In The Door Holding My Guy's Hand.
- After I Had Sex With Vinny, You Had Sex With Vinny.
- I Don't Want Your Sloppy Seconds.
- Hold My Earrings, Please.
- Oh Yeah, This Is What's Up.
- Bring It On! Bring It The [Bleep.]
On! - Ahh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, Oh!
Like, Seriously.
- Like, Everybody's Getting Sick Of Angelina And Her Tactics, Because Angelina Starts All The [Bleep.]
And Instigates Everything.
- Shut The [Bleep.]
Up, You [Bleep.]
22-Year-Old Little [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! It's Always [Bleep.]
Me In This House, Right? I Talk [Bleep.]
About Everyone! - Angelina, It is You.
- To Top It All Off, You're Going To Go Bang The Kid You Hate.
- What The Explain To Me What's Going On Right Now.
- Me And Angelina Need Some Privacy.
- You're--You're-- You're A Hypocritical Whore.
- Shut Up! - We Got A Date With Two Of The Rarest Roses.
- Two Of The Rarest Roses.
Ramona Is Everything I Look For In A Girl.
I Wanted To Go Out With Her, And Then She Didn't Come.
So, You Don't Want To Come Tonight? - No.
- [Sighing.]
[Get Crazy By Lmfao.]
- Dj Pauly Delvecchio! - I'm Going To Jersey Shore, Bitch! - All Right, We Got A Situation.
-  Get Crazy  - I'm The Sweetest Bitch You'll Ever Meet.
- [Laughing.]
- After I Have Sex With A Guy, I Will Rip Their Heads Off.
- Go, Vinny! Go, Vinny! - Um, Hello? -  If You Wanna Have Fun, Then Do Something Crazy  [Rock Music.]
  - She's Not Coming.
- She's Coming.
- She Ain't Coming.
I Was Waiting On This Girl I Met At Tantra To Go On A Date.
She Got A Little Scared Or Something, A Little Nervous, Didn't Show Up.
[Phone Ringing.]
She's Not Answering.
- Your Call Has Been Forwarded To An Automatic Voice Message-- - I'm Pissed Off.
I Got These Flowers, I Got A Haircut.
I Wanted To Go Out With Her.
And Then She Didn't Come.
- We're Going Right Now.
If You Want, Come With Us.
Like-- Like You Can Come Eat With Us, It's No Problem.
- It's A Blow To Me, You Know What I Mean? It's--It's Like I Got Kicked In The Stomach.
  - [Laughing.]
- Cheers.
- Just Saying, Son.
- To Your Birthday, Jose.
Happy Birthday! - Thank You For The Hospitality, Guys.
- It Was Jose's Birthday, So I Wanted To Take Him Out To Dinner, And I Wanted Ron And Sam To Come, 'cause, Like, You Know, Ron And Sam Are My Best Friends In This House.
- Oh! - Yo, High Five! High Five! - High Five It! - High Five It! - High Five It! - High Five It! - Thank You, Thank You.
[Speaking Italian.]
- Thank You For Coming Out, You Know? Hey, And Thank You For, Like, Being, Like, Hospitality, You Know, Like, Honestly, You Know, Like-- I Appreciate It, Man, For Real.
- Unfortunately, I Feel Like After I Told Jose About Me Hooking Up With Vinny, I Think He Was Upset.
- Right Now, I've Known The Kid For, Like, Two Weeks, Three Weeks, Tops, That's It.
I Don't Really Think That I Need To Tell Anybody Anything.
- I Got My Wish.
- Aww! Thank You.
- [Kiss.]
I Got My Wish.
- I'm Gonna Go To The Bathroom.
- Me Too.
- Oh, Yeah.
Oh, Yes.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Oh, Yeah.
- Watch This For Me? - You Know, We Didn't-- We're Not Together, But I, Like, Literally, Like, I Kind Of Thought, Like, We Were, You Know, Hanging Out And [Bleep.]
, So - Yeah.
- You Know, It's-- It's Not A Big Deal, But At The Same Time, She's Telling Me, You Know, Don't Be [Bleep.]
Around With Other Girls, So I'm Thinking, "you're Setting Rules On Me, Then What The [Bleep.]
--" - She Said That To You? - Oh, Yeah, Dude.
- She Didn't Tell Me That.
- Oh, Dude-- - She Didn't Say That.
She Skipped That Part Of The Story.
- What?! Yeah, Of Course, Bro.
- She Went From Chapter One To Chapter Three.
- Come On, Dude.
You Know This Is Not My First Time Around The Block, Dude.
You Know What I Mean? Not For Nothing, I Just-- I-- I Just Did What She-- You Know, What She Was-- Respecting, Dude, You Know? Respect Each Other, But [Bleep.]
It Dude, You Know? We're Not Together.
- Jose's Definitely Getting Played.
Like A Piano.
[Piano Music.]
- My-- - ciao! - My Favorite One Is - Bye! Now We're Going To Walk Home.
Happy B-Day.
- Oh, My God.
- Yeah.
- Angelina, She Is My Friend, But I Don't Trust That Girl.
She Just Says One Thing But Will Do Another.
- Hey, Hey, Hey.
  - Hey, Welcome Back.
- When I Get Back, Vinny's Pissed.
I Hate To See Vinny Upset, I Really Hate It, He's Like A Little Brother To Me.
Yo, I Can't Believe That Chick Really Did That, Like, Why Wouldn't She Just-- Why Would She Say She's Gonna Go And Not-- That's Crazy, Like, Why Wouldn't You Just Be Real? Like, Damn.
- I Know.
As Soon As I Got The Phone, I'm Like, There's Probably Like An 85% Chance Of Her Not Coming.
- High Five It.
- Hello! - Oh, What Up? How Was Dinner? - Good.
- It Was Good.
How Was Your Dinner? - Good.
It Was Nice.
- Really? - Are You Ok, Bro? - Yeah, I'm Fine.
- Vinny, You Know, He's Going Crazy.
He's Like, "[Bleep.]
, I Look, Like, Retarded.
"i Went And Got Flowers, Got A Haircut, Made Dinner Reservations.
" I Got To Go In The Smush Room For A Second.
And I Feel Bad For Him.
So, Um, I, Uh, Left Vinny Money, And I Gave The Flowers To Sam That Vinny Bought.
- Yo, Look What He Got.
- [Laughing.]
- Look What He Got You.
Look What He Got You.
- These Are Not For Me.
- God Only Knows What's On These, 'cause They Were Just On The Bed For Three Hours.
You Got My Children On There, Mike's Children.
You Got Snooki Juice.
- You Didn't Pick These Out Yourself.
- I Still Paid For Them.
- Aww! - There Was No Thought In That, Bro.
- Doesn't Matter.
I Paid For Them.
- No.
- Honestly, I Was Just Being An Ass, To Be Honest With You.
It Really Didn't-- I Didn't Give Her The Flowers.
- Bye, Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Come On Over Here.
Let's Go To Bed.
- Have A Great Day.
- Thank You, Sweetheart.
- Where Do You Want To Sleep Right Now? - Babe, Wherever You Want.
I Thought We Were Going To Sleep In The Living Room, But If You Don't Want To Sleep There, Let's Sleep In Your Bed.
- Jose Definitely Wanted, Uh, Birthday Sex.
[Laughs.]
So, Um, He Was Like, "let's Stay In The Smush Room Tonight.
" I Was Like, "ok, Fine.
" So You Know.
I Definitely Don't Think This Bed Is, Like, Good To Sleep On.
I Just Needed To Make Sure The Freakin' Room Wasn't Dirty.
You Don't Think It's, Like, Grimy, Like, To Sleep On This Bed Right Now? - If Not-- - All Right, Just Go-- Just Put-- Just Put It Over.
I'll Be Right Back.
Unfortunately, I Was Really Tired.
You Know? Like-- Plus, It Was That Time Of The Month For Me.
[Coughing.]
But, I Mean, Don't Get Me Wrong, I Feel Like The Kid's Really Attractive, He's My Type Of Guy, But I'm The Woman, So I Pick And Choose When I Want To Have Sex With A Guy.
[Clearing Throat.]
[Sighs.]
No Birthday Sex For Jose, Sorry.
  - How The Hell Did I Wake Up And My Hair's Still Done? I Don't Understand What's Going On.
- Call Me Later, All Right? - All Right, I'll Call You Later.
- All Right, Babe, Have Fun Today.
- Happy B-Day! I'm Sorry We Couldn't Go Crazy, But - I Had Fun.
- I Am Not In Love With Jose.
I'm Liking The Kid, But I Wouldn't Go As Far As Saying Love.
- Uh, Ange You All Right, Girl? - Tired.
- Angelina's On The Smash Score Board, Isn't She? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What's My Score Right Now? - You Are-- You Are 1-0.
- No, 2.
- You Only Smashed Vinny.
- No, Jose.
- You Smashed Jose Last Night? - Yeah.
- Smash Vinny One Day, And The Next Day, You Smash Jose.
- At Least He Got It In.
- Did You Guys Smash? - They Did.
She Admitted To Jose That Bagging Vinny, Right? - You Told Jose? - She Did.
- Yeah.
- And He Knew That If He Went Home With Her, That She Was Gonna Bang, Because She Banged Vinny The Night Before-- - And He Don't Give A [Bleep.]
About Her.
That's Why.
- Yeah.
So He's Like, "i'm Definitely Getting Ass Tonight.
" - Exactly.
He Just Wants To Get It In.
- If He Would Have Cared About You-- - He Cares About Me.
He Does.
- 'cause There's No Way Angelina Was Gonna Say No, Because She Banged You The Night Before.
- Sympathy Bang.
- Angelina, You're Getting It In Now, Girl.
Two Days In A Row! - Um, I Just, You Know, Made Up This Lie About Me Having Sex With Jose, Just So I Didn't Have To Hear Anybody And I Didn't Have To Deal With Them, Like, You Know, Busting My Chops Anymore.
- Banging, Uh, Vinny One Day And Then-- The Other Guy The Next Day.
- That's Something You Would Do.
- Yeah, Right? - You Know What I'm Saying? That's A Mike Move.
- That's A Situation Move.
- I Hate That Whole Thing That A Guy Can Do It, But Girls Can't, Like - It's Not Sad That There Is A Double Standard.
Everybody Knows There's A Double Standard.
Everybody Loves A Guy That Gets Girls.
He's The Man.
He's The Pimp.
And Then, Everybody Doesn't Like A Girl That Is A Ho, And That's Angelina.
- I'm A Single Girl, Like, What Do You Want Me To Do? - Yeah, If That's What Helps You Sleep At Night.
- Angelina Got It In With Vinny Because She's A Loosey-Goose.
And Then She Had Sex With Jose The Next Day.
Whore! Just Sayin'.
- I'm In Miami, Like, What Do You Expect? - It's All Good.
I'm Not Hating.
Whatever.
I'm Your Roommate.
What Are You Gonna Do? - I Know It's A Double Standard, But You're Bringing Guys Home Left And Right.
You're [Bleep.]
Guys Left And Right That, Like, Live In This House And Don't Live In This House.
You're Giving Them A Reason To Humiliate You.
- Good Times, Good Times.
- Hmm.
- Tom Is Coming To Visit.
[Laughing.]
Tom Sees A Number That He Doesn't Approve Of Tom.
- [Bleep.]
Sucks So Bad.
- You Got To Calm Down.
- I'm Done.
Get The [Bleep.]
Out Of My Face.
- Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Whoa! Â Â - At The Gelato Shop! The Guidos Are Here! Hi, Welcome To Lick-A-Lick.
I'm Jenni.
How Can I Help You? - [Laughing.]
- Could I Actually Have A Small Fruity Debosco? - Careful, That Cup's Hot.
Just Kidding.
Eh, What's Going On? How Are You? - Good.
- How Was-- Um, You're Not Working Today? Mwah.
- Yeah, In A Little Bit.
- I See Rocio Again At The Gelato Shop.
Rocio Seems Mad Cool.
She's Definitely Not A Ho.
She's Definitely Not A Stalker.
She's Cool.
Yo, I Work Mad Hard Over Here.
- Mad Hard.
I Was Saying That Yesterday.
I Was Cracking Up By Myself.
Like, I'm Like, I Was Thinking-- I Was Saying It By Myself.
I Was Like, "yo, It's Mad Hard To Be Single.
" - [Laughs.]
- I Was Just Laughing By Myself.
- I Told You.
It's Mad Hard.
- It's Mad Hard.
No? Aww.
- He Still Can't Believe, Like, That That Girl Dissed Him Like That.
- But She Called Him, Like, Ahead Of Time, Right? - No.
- No? That's All Right, Somebody Else Will Come Along.
- I Like Spending Time With Her, But I Don't Want To Mess It Up And, Like, Rush Things Or Anything Like That.
I Don't Want To Turn Her Into A Stalker.
I Got A Tendency To Do That.
- I Think I'm Going To Let You Go, So You Can Get Back To Work, And I've Got To Get To Work.
- All Right.
[Phone Beeping.]
- My House, [Bleep.]
No One-- I Can't Believe This Girl Can Sleep 13, 14 Hours.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hi, Is Nicole There? - Who's This? - Jenni.
- Yo, It's Me, Ange.
- Oh, Can You Wake Her Up For A Nail Appointment? - You Want Me To Go Do What? - Wake Her Up And Say That She Has To Be Ready In Like 20 Minutes For A Nail Appointment.
- All Right.
- And-- Yeah.
Just Make Sure The [Bleep.]
Gets Up.
- All Right.
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
Bye.
- Bye.
  - My Girl Came To See Me.
Does That Mean She Likes Me? - Yeah.
I Claim The Escalade.
I Got A Nail Appointment.
Just Letting You Know.
- Honey, I'm Home! - I Tried Saying Something.
She's Not Up.
- Honey, I'm Home! - [Bleep.]
Angelina At This Point Can Go [Bleep.]
Herself.
The Girl Doesn't Do [Bleep.]
.
That's Just-- It's Sad.
- I'll Get Her Up.
- You Will? - Pauly! - Oh, Yeah! Oh, Yeah! Time To Wake Up! I Almost Seen Your Cooka.
We Have A Nail Appointment.
- Oh! - [Grunting.]
- I'm Up! - No, You're Not.
- [Laughing.]
Nail Appointment.
- My Cooka's Out.
- We Have A Nail Appointment.
- [Jenni And Pauly Laughing.]
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
- [Both Laughing.]
  - Tom Is Coming To Visit, Um Which I'm Extremely Excited About.
So I Want To Try And Look Good For My Boyfriend.
- Hey! Very Good.
I Love Those.
- How Much Is An Eyebrow Wax In Here? - I Just Blew $200.
  - Ah! [Laughing.]
Hi.
- How Are You? [Kiss.]
- Good.
I Was Just Coming Out.
[Laughing.]
- I Haven't Seen You In Forever.
- I Know.
[Kiss.]
You Look Tan.
I Haven't Seen Tom In So Long That I Actually Feel Like, Oh My God, Like, I Feel Like It's Our Second Date Almost.
Missed You.
- Me Too.
- It's Like, A Very Giddy Feeling, Like A Butterfly Feeling.
This Is My Closet Area, And Nicole's.
- Not Bad.
- Hey! [Laughing.]
- Do You Always Sleep With Sunglasses On? - Ahh! - [Laughing.]
How Are You? - Good.
Oh My God.
How Are You? - Good.
- I'm So Happy To See You.
- I See You Put These To Use.
- Yeah, I Did.
- Holy [Bleep.]
.
Were You Burning Rubber In Them? - I Wear Them Outside.
- Ew! [Laughing.]
- Should I Do This And Flip-Flops? - All Right, Change.
[Dramatic Music.]
- Tom Found A Friend's Number In My Phonebook That He Asked Me Before I Left Not To Take Down, But I Did.
So-- I Haven't Called Him, Though.
- Stop Being A Butthole.
- You Did It With That One.
- No, I Didn't.
- No, You Really Did.
- I Didn't Do Anything.
- 'cause You're Lying Through Your Teeth.
All Right, I'm Leaving.
- No, You're Not.
- Yeah, Ok.
Watch This-- Watch This Happen Right Now.
- Stop.
Stop.
- Oh, My Goodness.
I Want To Leave.
- Tom-- - You've Got To Calm Down.
- Can You Give Me Five Minutes? - You Just-- You Just [Bleep.]
It Royally.
I Want To Leave.
- I Got A Beautiful Girl Here, And She's Ready To Go.
She Was So Dtf.
I Got To Handle My Business Now.
- So I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
Lock It, Lock It.
  - Tom Starts Going Through My Phonebook And Sees A Number That He Doesn't Approve Of.
Stop.
- No, I'm Done.
- Oh, My Goodness.
Can You Give Me Five Minutes? - I'm Leaving.
- I've Been Waiting Six Weeks For You To Get Here.
- I Didn't Do Anything.
Cleaned My [Bleep.]
Room, Did Everything That I [Beep.]
Could-- - You Can't Leave.
I Can't-- I Can't Have This.
I'll Have A [Bleep.]
Nervous Breakdown.
I'm Not Doing It Again.
That's All I'm Saying, Is Just, Please Go Back Inside With Me And Go [Sighs.]
No.
There Is No Way, Uh, Tom Is Leaving.
- Is Tom Here? - Yeah, He's In The Bathroom.
- Tom! Get The [Bleep.]
Out! - He Just Tried To Leave.
- Why? - Dude, I Have No Idea.
- What Up, Bro? - Doing Good.
- What's Up, Man? How You Doing? Chillin'? - Yep.
Are You Ready To Get Dinner With Me? 'cause You're Not Leaving.
I Can't Sleep The 48 Hours Away, You Know.
[Laughing.]
Ow! Come On! - [Laughing.]
I'll Make You Eat It.
- Oh No, Now You Just Gave Me A Good Idea.
- No! [Laughing.]
Ok? Come On.
- No! [Laughing.]
No--Oh! - How'd That Taste? - Booger.
- How'd That Taste? Good? Good.
- Ow.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Angelina.
- Yeah, What's Up? - I'm Outside, Bro.
- Ok, I'm Coming Out.
- Thank You.
- You're Welcome.
Bye.
- Oh My God! - Hi! [Both Laughing.]
- Hello, You.
I Missed You.
Gina's Been My Friend For About Nine Years.
It Feels Good To, Like, See Somebody From, You Know, Back Home, Finally.
- If You Don't Like Anything, Mommy Said To Bring It Back.
She Said To Try It On, And Then - I Like That.
My Mom Sent Some Dresses, Which Was Cool.
- This Is The Stuff Your Mom Got You.
- Is This Gonna Be Too Big For Me? - No, Just Try It On.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hi, Can I Speak To Angelina, Please? - Hi, Mommy.
I Love You, Mommy.
- I Love You, Ange.
- Mom, I Love The Dresses That You Bought Me.
Thank You.
I Like The Bracelet With The Black And-- Black And Silver That You Bought Me.
Thank You.
And The Earrings And All The Jewelry You Bought Me.
Thank You Very Much.
- Did You Like Everything-- Oh, Those Three Shirts That I Had Here, That You Wear Them To The Beach Or Whatever, You Should Throw Something On With Them.
- [Sighing.]
- Hello? - [Choked Up.]
Mm-Hmm.
[Sniffs.]
- You Ok? - I Miss Home.
Completely.
My Mom's My Best Friend, And I Miss Her.
And I Definitely, Definitely Miss My Friends.
It's Kind Of Hard Being Here And You Know, Not Having Those People Around You.
[Sighing.]
- Hello? Yeah.
I Know.
She Just Walked Away.
She-- She's Crying.
I Don't Know Why.
- She's Crying? - Yeah.
I Think She Misses You.
- I Don't Want Her Crying.
- I Know.
- The Dress Is Too Tight, Maybe? Â Â - Ow! - This Is Exactly What I Live For.
I Live To [Bleep.]
Get Yelled At By Nicole While I Try And Do Her Hair.
- I'm Going To Elbow You In The Crotch Right Now.
- [Laughing.]
- Did You Ever Get Kicked In Your Cooka? - Um, No, But I Have Had Accidents.
- Me Too.
Tell Me.
- I Think A Bicycle.
- Me Too! - Where You [Bleep.]
Fall Forward.
- It Was So Bad.
- How Painful.
- I Ran-- I Ran Into A House.
I Was Like-- Boom! I Was Like, "my Cooka!" - How Painful Is That? - I Thought I Broke My Vagina Bone.
It Was Terrible.
- Yeah.
- Angelina! - What? - Gina Keeps Hitting On Me.
- He Thinks I Want Him.
- [Laughing.]
- I Don't Know! - It's T-Shirt Time? - 12:10 Is T-Shirt Time.
- It Is 12:10.
- Both: Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Â T-Shirt Time! Â - Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Â Everybody Knows It's T-Shirt Time! Â - So Annoying.
- Â T-Shirt Time! Â - Â It's T-Shirt Time! Â - Oh My God! Shut Up Now! - I'm Just Trying To Let Everybody Know So They Put Their T-Shirts On.
The Cab's Here! - Let's Go.
Roll Out.
[Dance Club Music.]
- Are You Ready? Â Â - We Noticed That Angelina's Dancing With The Dude That [Bleep.]
Snooki.
And I'm Trying To See, Like, What's Up With That.
-  Stop, Drop, Control Your Passion   Get Your Paws Off In An Orderly Fashion  - I Don't Know If Angelina's Doing That To Get At Snooki, Or She's Doing That 'cause She Likes The Dude, But It's Real Funny.
- I Think Angelina Is A Pathetic Person.
I Get With Vinny; She Gets With Vinny.
I Get With Dennis; She Tries To Get With Dennis.
Like, You Love My Sloppy Seconds.
-  Get Your Paws Off In An Orderly Fashion  - Why Are You Wearing A Suit? You Look Like You Just Got Back From A Funeral.
You Should Change.
I'm Just Being Honest.
- The Guys Are [Bleep.]
Grenades.
Grenade Grundle Chodes.
That's What They Are.
All The Guys Coming Up To Me Are Disgusting.
- The Chicks At Dream.
[Whistles.]
There Is So Many People At Dream Tonight.
It Is Crowded, There's Girls Swarming Me.
- And There's This Hot Girl.
- Oh, She's All Over Me.
And She Is Just Smokin'.
I Couldn't Even Wait To Bring Her Home.
I Was Like, I Got To Handle My Business Now.
And, Oh, [Bleep.]
.
So I Take My Girl, I Run Through The Club, And I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
- Angelina, You Didn't Get [Bleep.]
? - No, [Bleep.]
.
- So, What'd You Do, Then? - Dance, Like A [Bleep.]
Human Being.
- Oh, So You Danced With Snooki's Guy? - No, I Didn't Dance With Snooki's Guy.
- Oh! - [Jenni Laughing.]
  - We're At Dream Right Now, And I Got A Beautiful Girl Here, And She's Ready To Go.
This Girl Is Ready.
She Was So Dtf.
So I Take My Girl, I Run Through The Club, And I Try To Run Into The Bathroom.
- [Laughs.]
- Lock It! Lock It! - [Knocking On Door.]
Yo! One Person In The Bathroom At A Time.
One Person! - And I Guess Security Ended Up Knocking On The Door, Whatever.
My Plan Was Foiled.
So I'm Thinking To Myself, I'm Like, You Know What? I'm Like, "i Want To Leave Now.
" So, We're About To Walk Out Of Here, And The Next Thing I Know I Lose Her.
It Was Crowded Or What Have You.
Whatever It Was.
The Club Is Closed Now.
You Can't Even-- You're Not Even Supposed To Go Back In The Club.
And Now I Don't Have My Girl.
I'm So Pissed.
I Didn't Even Get My Girl's Number.
- We Didn't Bring Anybody Home Tonight.
I Should Have Brought Home Nicole's Man.
- [Laughing.]
- What A Good Night.
[Laughing.]
- I - I Had So Much Fun With You Tonight.
- I've, Like, Fallen Back In Love With You, Like - So Did I.
- And - It's Great, Because I Love You.
You Know, I Think Things Are Picking Up Between Us And Things Are Getting Better As The Days Go On, The Weeks Go On, And Then It's Like We're Finding The Love We Found In Jersey.
- No, Seriously.
Did You Get [Bleep.]
Tonight? - You Guys Are Being Retarded, Seriously.
- What? - If I Was - They're Trying To Instigate Problems.
I Didn't Even Talk To That Kid Like That.
- I Just Call It Like I See It.
You Know What I'm Saying? She Got [Bleep.]
On The Dance Floor.
- What Does That Mean? - She Got [Bleep.]
.
- Yeah, Ok.
I Got-- - Angelina, You Didn't Get [Bleep.]
? - No, [Bleep.]
! - So What'd You Do, Then? - Dance, Like A [Bleep.]
Human Being.
- No, I Didn't Dance With Snooki's Guy.
- Oh! - Oh! - What Happened Tonight? You Just Talked To Him? You Didn't Dance With Him? - Um, I Was Talking To Another Kid, Actually.
- So You Didn't Dance With Him? 'cause I'm Just Saying, 'cause It's [Bleep.]
5 Million People That Seen You Dance With Him Tonight.
- He Was Dancing On This Side.
I Was Dancing With My Friends.
- So, Let Me Get This Straight.
Dude [Bleep.]
Snooki And Dances With You, But You Was Dancing On The Side Of Him.
I'm Just Sayin'.
- Pauly, I Never Knew You Had Such A Big Mouth.
- If You Want Me To Mind My Business, Just Tell Me.
- Mind Your [Bleep.]
Business.
- I Don't Want You To Get An Infection.
- [Mike Laughs.]
  [Record Scratching To Halt.]
- [Jenni Laughing.]
Nicole Is Piss-Drunk While Me And Tom Were Trying To, Uh, Yeah And She Actually Goes Underneath The Covers And Grabs Me And Tom's Foot.
- Love You! - [Jenni Laughs.]
I Just Felt Something Grab My Leg.
- Sorrys! - It Was Like The Puppy Dog Shame Face, Like, "oh My God, I Didn't Know," And She Ran Off.
- Meh! [Laughs.]
- "samantha.
We Met At A Club Last Night.
My Number.
" - [Laughing.]
- Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Whoa! Â Â - You Guys Ready? - I'm Ready.
- Ready?! Oh, Yeah.
Gym, Laundry.
Yeah.
- I Wake Up Early.
The House Is A Mess.
It's Disgusting.
I Feel Like I'm Living With A Bunch Of, Like, You Know, Zoo Animals.
This [Bleep.]
House.
Another Mess.
Dishes Are Always Piled Up.
It's Getting To The Point Where It's Like Overwhelming.
It's Just Gross.
[Phone Ringing.]
Hello? - Hey.
I'm At The Pool.
What's Up? - I'm Just Cleaning The House A Little Bit 'cause It's A [Bleep.]
Disaster.
You Want To Go To The Beach? - Yeah.
- All Right, So Come Here Now.
- All Right.
Bye.
- Bye.
- Looking Good! - What A Chest.
- If I Didn't Do My Gtl Or Take Care Of Myself, I Don't Know What I'd Look Like.
If You Don't Go To The Gym, You Don't Look Good.
If You Don't Tan, You're Pale.
And If You Don't Do Laundry, You Ain't Got No Clothes.
I Wrote Down "situation.
" It's In Here Somewhere.
Let's Find It.
- How Do You Say "clothes" In Spanish? - Ropa.
- No Ropa.
- No Ropa Para Situation.
- No Ropa Para Situation.
- No Bueno! - No, I No See Nothing.
- no Bueno.
I Got-- Remember I Came In, I Came In, I Got [Unclear.]
With You.
- No, Not With Me.
Not With Me.
- Remember? Ohh, No! - Ohh, A Situation! - You Remember You Pick Up Yesterday? - I Picked Up Yesterday? - Yeah, Honey, You Picked Up Yesterday.
I Was Here When You Pick It Up.
Remember, Situation? - Oh, Ok, Ok.
Ok, Ok, Ok.
- Ok? - My Bad.
[Laughs.]
I Came Back From My Whole Gtl Game, And On The Front Door I See A Nice Little Note.
- "samantha.
We Met At A Club Last Night.
My Number.
" - [Pauly Laughing.]
- Oh, That's My Chick.
- Huh? - That's My Chick.
- All: Oh.
- I Thought It Was To Samantha.
- No.
- I Thought It Was For Sammi, Like Some Guy Wrote It For Sammi.
- No, It's Mine.
This Is The Same Chick I Had Met The Night Before At The Club.
- And I Had To Leave, And I Didn't Get This Chick's Number.
But, Uh I Guess She Found Me.
What A Beautiful Chick.
I Was Talking About Her All Day Today Too.
The Note Says, Like, "samantha" And Has Her Number, And It Says "call Me.
" Now, If I Wanted To Decipher That For You, It Pretty Much Says, "here's My Number.
Please Call Me So We Can Bang Real Quick.
" - Everything's Going Smooth For Ronnie And Sammi, And, Um, It's Boring, So I Need To Create Some Excitement.
[Laughing.]
- Yo.
- [Laughing.]
Just Kidding! - Oh My God, [Bleep.]
.
- Somebody Wrote This.
It Was On The Thing.
It's For Mike, Though.
- Oh.
You're An [Bleep.]
.
- Look At This.
[Laughing.]
- Her Name's Samantha? - Yeah.
- Oh, God, You're A [Bleep.]
.
- [Laughing.]
- Holy [Bleep.]
.
- See Ya.
- Have Fun.
- Don't Want To Be Nowhere Near Her.
Me And Pauly Definitely Is A Little Drained At This Point.
I Want To Go To The Beach, Just Want To Chill Out And Relax.
- Where's The Topless Part? I Want To Go Topless.
- Let's Get Some Guys' Numbers On The Beach And Invite Them Out Tonight.
- [Laughing.]
I Want That Kid's Number, Look.
- Who, Who? - Right There.
- But, Ew! Ew.
- [Laughing.]
- Oh, Look, There's Pauly, Right? - Where? - You Want To Go Over There Or No? - Ehh - I Basically Didn't Say Anything To Vinny And Pauly.
I'm With My Friend Right Now.
I Don't Want To Be Disturbed By, You Know, Immature Little Men.
So I Decided To Hang Out With My Friend And Not Even Say One Word To Them And Not Even Acknowledge That They Were There.
- Me And Vinny, We Notice These Beached Whales On The Beach.
[Whale Sounds.]
Oh No, I'm Sorry, It Was Angelina And Her Friend Gina.
We See Them At The Beach.
We're Not Even Saying Hi To Them.
We're Letting Them Have Their Space.
Me And Vinny Just Kind Of Do Us And Let Angelina And Her Friend Do Them.
- Me And Pauly, Like, Can Have Fun Out Of Nothing, And When We Hang Out, It's Just Like, It's Just No Effort.
We Just Easily Get Along With Each Other.
He's Like A Best Friend Of Mine.
- [Laughing.]
You Look Mad Funny.
We Had A Good Time, Him And I.
We Met Some Girls.
And Then They, Um, Helped Me Bury Vinny In The Sand.
We're Gonna Give You Boobs.
- No, But These Are Pretty Big.
I Think You're A "b.
" - Oh, Nice Boobs, Bro.
I Think It Looks Good.
- Yeah.
- Can You Get Out, Bro? - All: Oh! [Laughing.]
- Where's My Towel? - Oh, I Buried It.
- [Both Laughing.]
- You Can Use Mine.
- Oh, Yeah.
Oh, Yeah.
This-- This-- My Girl From Last Night? - She Came And She Left It On The Fence? - Smokin' Chick.
Do You Know Where We're Going Tonight? 'cause I'm Gonna Tell Her To Come With Us.
- Clutch? - I'm Gonna Call Her Now.
I'm Gonna Tell Her She Come Out Tonight And She Come Over.
[Phone Ringing.]
- Hello? - Hey, Baby.
- "hey, Baby.
" - Hi.
- What Are You Doing? - "what Are You Do--" [Laughs.]
Ew! If You Ever Talked Like That To Me, I'd Be Like, "what The [Bleep.]
?" - Do You-- Do You Have Plans Or Something Tonight? - Do I Have-- No, I Don't Have Plans Tonight.
- So You Have Plans With Me Now.
- [Laughing.]
I Have Plans With You.
- Yeah.
- [Laughing.]
Where Are You Going? Uh, We're Going To Go To The Club Or Whatever.
So, Um, We Usually Go To The Club At, Like, Midnight.
But I'll Call You At Around, Um, You Know, 11:00 Or Something And You Come Over, And Then We'll Go Out, And Maybe You Can Sleep Over Or Something.
- Ok.
Call Me.
- You Creep Me Out.
- All Right, Baby? Miss You.
- Ok.
[Laughs.]
Miss You Too.
- You Freak.
- All Right, Baby.
- All Right, Bye.
- You Creep Me Out.
- You're A Creep.
- You Would 100% Creep Me Out, I'm Not Even Kidding.
- She's Smokin'.
She's Smokin'.
- Ew! You're So - Uh, My Girl's Coming Over Tonight, And The House Is A Mess.
I'm Tired Of Cleaning Up, But I Got To Make A Good Impression On My Girl.
Uh, And I-- I-- This Is All That I'm Leaving, And I'm Leaving It For Angelina.
I Just Cleaned This Whole House-- Garbage, Throwing Everything Away I'm Doing This, I'm Doing That, And Then I Go Into The Bathroom What The [Bleep.]
Is That? Are You [Bleep.]
Serious? For Real? Can I Show You This, How Dirty This Trash Bag Is? When You Get A Chance, If You Could Help Out With The Dishes-- - I Cleaned Up All Morning.
- You Know, Shut Your Mouth, You Dirty Little Hamster.
- Get Out Of My Face.
- Stop! - Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! - Get Out Of My Face! - Come On, Come On! - I Just Cleaned This Whole House-- Garbage, Throwing Everything Away I'm Doing This, I'm Doing That And Then I Go Into The Bathroom For Real? Can I Show You This, How Dirty This [Bleep.]
Trash Bag Is? Look At This.
What Is That? What Is This Thing Right Here? What Is This? - Ew! It's A Pad! - Oh, My God.
- What Is That? What Is That? Like, Listen, Girls, I Know That This [Bleep.]
Happens.
I Know That Every Month, There's A Situation.
But At Least Clean The [Bleep.]
Up.
Oh, This Is It Right Here.
This Is It Right Here.
This Granny Panty [Bleep.]
.
- [Both Laughing.]
- So When I See That [Bleep.]
, I [Bleep.]
Flip Out.
- Ew! - Oh My God! - Here You Go, You Dirty Trash Bag.
- [Jenni Laughing.]
- Here, Right Under Your Bed.
There You Go.
There You Go.
Clean Up After Yourself.
Oh My God.
[Rock Music.]
  - Well, Basically, I See A Guy, Like, Walking Along The Beach, And I Just Said, "hey, You, Come Over Here.
" And He Came Over To Me, And He Was Really A Sweet Guy.
He's Like A Cutie Pie.
- He Is.
He's A Good Kid.
- He's Hot.
[Laughs.]
And, You Know, We Invited Him To The House.
I Always Meet The Nice Guys.
[Laughs.]
I Think His Name's Mike.
I Think So.
 Rock-A-Bye, Baby   Welcome To New Jack City, Where The Drinks Are Strong   And The Girls Look Pretty   But So Big That I Call Her Friend Niddy  - [Laughing.]
- See? Why Can't We Walk Around Like That? - Where Are You Guys Going? Ocean's? - Yeah, To Get A Drink, Man.
Want To Eat At Newt's? - Yeah, Yeah.
- Aw! - Did You? Good.
Good.
- Angelina Gives Everyone In The House A Reason To Get On Her, 'cause She's Dirty And She Doesn't Clean Up After Herself, Period.
So, Is It Going To Be Another Fighting Night Or A Chill Night? - Fight Night? - Another Fight Night Tonight.
- You Think So? - I Wonder Who's Home.
Somebody Cleaned.
- You Guys Want To Put This In The Kitchen? - Um, No, Come.
Just Mike's Bed, Pauly's Bed, My Bed.
[Gasps.]
Check My Bed.
Did He [Bleep.]
With My Belongings? - You Check It.
I Have To Go Pee.
- He Did.
He [Bleep.]
My Stuff.
I Basically Picked Up My Pillow, And I Saw A Used Pad, Um, You Know, On My Bed.
It's Always Mike.
He's Always Pranking Me, And I'm So [Bleep.]
Sick Of It.
- Yo, That's [Bleep.]
Up.
Who Did That? I'm Going To Throw Up.
- I Was A Little Embarrassed, Because I Did Feel Like I Didn't Know The New Kid, And For Him To Have Seen Something Like That, I Think He Was Probably Like, "wow.
What Goes On In This House?" - Yo, Who Would Want To Touch That? What The [Bleep.]
Is Wrong With Them? I'll Just Pick It Up After, You Know-- - No, I'm Throwing It Out Now.
It's My [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- No, With A Plastic Bag Just-- You Don't Have To Touch It.
- What A [Bleep.]
Douchebag That [Bleep.]
Is.
His [Bleep.]
! He's Such A [Bleep.]
, Man.
I Hate Him.
Mike's A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- Oh, Yeah! - I Should Just Go Lock Myself In The Bathroom, So - [Both Girls Laughing.]
- Douchebag.
[Beep.]
.
[Gasps.]
Check My Bed.
Did He [Bleep.]
With My Belongings? He Did.
Mike's A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
.
- Oh, Yeah! There's A Tampon Under The Bed.
If You Weren't Dirty, You Wouldn't Get A Prank.
- Don't Even Say Nothing About It.
'cause If You Do, Then It's Gonna Get-- That's What They Want You To Do, So - Oh No, I Don't Care.
- What's Up, Man? What's Your Name? - Michael.
- Nice To Meet You.
Are You Friends Or Related Or - Yeah, He's My Friend.
- Where Did You Meet Him? - On The Beach.
- Oh, Cool, Cool.
You Know Angelina Brought Home Another Dude From The Beach? - We Really Have To Step Up Our Pimping Game.
- I-- I-- - Because, Like You Know, I Bang Two-- She Bangs Two Guys In The Same Day.
She's Getting Daytime Dates In The House.
Like, Yo, We Got To Step Up, Bro.
- She Brings Home A Guy Every Other Day-- - She's Like A [Bleep.]
Matinee During The Day.
- She's Got The Matinee, Right? - She's A Matinee, Yo.
- Ange, When You Get A Chance, If You Could Help Out With The Dishes With Some Of The Other People In The House That Don't Do Anything.
- I Cleaned Up All Morning, Baby Doll.
- Really? - Mm-Hmm.
- Are You For Real? 'cause I'm The One That Cleaned The Whole House Today.
- You Cleaned Up Everything Else, But I Threw Away Garbages, And I Cleaned Up A Lot Of Stuff-- - Garbages? - [Clears Throat.]
- Are You For Real? - I Swear To God.
- Would You Want To Walk Outside And See How Many Trash Bags I Filled Up Today? - Can You Stop Starting With Me, Mike? 'cause I've [Bleep.]
Had Enough Of Your [Bleep.]
.
- Yo, Oh My God, Angelina.
[Bleep.]
You Know What, Maybe If You Wouldn't Leave A [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
Tampon-- - It was You.
- In The [Bleep.]
-- - It was You.
- In The Bathroom On The Floor-- You-- What-- - It Wasn't On The Floor, Idiot.
What World Do You Live In Where There's A [Bleep.]
Dirty Tampon? You Are The Dirtiest Girl I've Ever Met.
- I Think It's Gross That Angelina Leaves Her Pads Around The House.
So For Mike To Get Mad At That, You Know, I Got His Back Completely.
- Don't Talk About Me Like This In Front Of My Friends, 'cause You're Making Everybody Not Like You.
- I Don't Care Who's Here.
This Is My House.
I Don't Care.
- Leave Me The [Bleep.]
Alone.
Get Out Of My Face.
- Yo, Shut Your Mouth, You Dirty Little Hamster.
- You Look Like Popeye On Crack.
Get Out Of My Face, Jerkoff.
- Popeye On Crack.
Oh My God.
How Many Guys Did You Sleep With In 24 Hours? Two.
- No, I Didn't Have Sex With Jose, You Moron.
- Vinny And Jose.
- Can You Tell-- Tell Him To Go [Bleep.]
Himself As My Friend Right Now.
- 24-Hour Period, You Banged Two Guys.
- Yo! Mike, Stop.
- You Know What You're Good At? You're Good At Being A Ho.
- Oh, Well, You're A Dirtbag, And Your Penis Should Fall Off, 'cause You're Disgusting.
'cause You're Disgusting.
- Yeah, All Right.
- Don't Listen To Him.
He's [Bleep.]
'cause You're In Front Of Me Right Now.
- He's Trying To Make Me Look Bad.
I Do What I Want In My Life.
That's It.
I'm A Single Girl.
I Do What I Want.
I'm Glad That You Were Supposed To Be My Friend, And You're Trying To Embarrass Me In Front Of My Real Friends.
- I'm Not Trying To Embarrass You In Front Of Anybody.
- All Right, Just Shut The [Bleep.]
Up Now! - You Shut The [Bleep.]
Up! - Get Out Of My Face.
- Stop! - Whoa, Whoa! Come On, Come On! - Get Out Of My Face, You Jerkoff! - Hey, Baby, What's Up? Come On In.
Guess What? I'm About To Smash Tonight.
- Oh!! - Yo, What Is That? Is That Her Screaming Having Sex? - That's The Sound Of Love.
- And i'm A Whore.
- Alex! You Hooked Up With Her? - No, I Didn't.
- You Definitely, Like, Hooked Up With Her.
Snooki Has The Audacity To Walk In The Door Holding My Guy's Hand.
- After I Had Sex With Vinny, You Had Sex With Vinny.
- I Don't Want Your Sloppy Seconds.
- Hold My Earrings, Please.
- Oh Yeah, This Is What's Up.
- Bring It On! Bring It The [Bleep.]
On! - Ahh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, Oh!