Lost In Space (1965) s02e09 Episode Script

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall, we left our space family having just survived a terrifying galactic meteor storm.
All were unaware that an incredible thief of outer space was soon to follow in its wake.
Hey, look what I found.
It's just an old alien bottle.
Really, children.
Aren't you aware that anything of value burns as it passes through our atmosphere? You'll find nothing but rocky cinders out there.
- Tomorrow you'll get a chance to prove it.
- I beg your pardon? We're going to check for damage, all of us.
You know, Will, life was much more exciting in the past.
And you know why? Because men were not pestered with all this work foolishness.
Your father invents one useless job after another.
There's the mineral drill.
It checks out okay too, I guess.
You'd better do the checking this time.
My back is extremely delicate today.
- I think I shall take a little nap.
- I'll check the drill itself.
Yes, do that.
Dr.
Smith, could you come over here and hold one of these wrenches for me? That's funny.
Dr.
Smith I just put one of the wrenches down there, and now it's disappeared.
Will you please help me look for it? Get another one out of the tool bag.
I must rest my back.
It's gone too.
Did you take the tool bag? Now, now, Will.
No lunch until we've finished work.
- [ Will .]
Dr.
Smith! - [ Shrieks .]
Dogs! Infidels! Prepare to die! Where did you come from? Who are you? Stand aside, boy.
Come -fight, you infidel.
- [ Whimpering .]
Stop that at once, you hear, you dreadful man.
- [ Wailing .]
- Stop or I'll shoot! This is a laser gun, and it could put a hole right through you.
It could? Well, I'll take your word for it.
But don't you think in the interest of fair play he should put down his weapon too? - Certainly not! - That's not a weapon.
That's just a shovel.
Haven't you ever seen a shovel before? And what would I have to do with something that so obviously belongs to a slave? Sheik indeed.
You, sir, are nothing but a thief.
You stole our lunch! Well, of course.
I'm the one and only Thief of Outer Space.
Have you ever had anything stolen so beautifully before? - Don't come any closer.
- Oh, come, come, lad.
You've won the field in fair joust.
So let us be friends, huh? Good.
Now, what can I give you in exchange for those few paltry tools I took? What would you like? Uh, diamonds? Emerald? A ruby, huh? A ruby, yes, that's it.
A ruby.
Yes, Master? Seize them! Seize the dogs! [ No Audible Dialogue .]
That's nothing but a wrench.
That's all it is, sir, honest.
Silence! - [ Gasps .]
- Golly.
Ah, that's nothing, boy, nothing.
Wait till I give him your bones to snap, one by one.
Oh, please, sir.
We haven't done anything to you.
But yours he will mash into jelly.
You know, there's something unusually repulsive about you, sir.
I don't know what it is.
- Have we met somewhere before? - Oh, no.
- In some jail, perhaps? - Oh, no.
- No, no.
Perhaps some thieves' market? - No, no.
- Let me see your watch! - I don't have a watch.
I lost it.
Where is your treasure? Where are you keeping it? We don't have any treasures.
We're poor people.
Aren't we, Dr.
Smith? - Poor? - Yes, oh, yes.
Miserably destitute.
Sure, we're like paupers.
You understand? And any thief who would go robbing from paupers, stealing from the poor-- [ Yelling .]
How dare you insult my honor! [ Yells .]
There, there, boy.
I accept your apology.
Now tell me.
Where do the rich people live? - Rich people? - Come, come! I haven't all day to spend on this ridiculous planet! Someone here has a treasure of great value.
Where is it? There is no treasure.
I'm afraid even our spaceship There is no treasure.
I'm afraid even our spaceship is really not worth anything.
- The what? - Nothing really.
Just some old wreckage we found once.
You see, we're all alone on this planet.
- Aren't we, Dr.
Smith? - Yes.
Just the two of you, no one else? - We're like castaways.
- I prefer the word "pioneer.
" Or castaways if you'd rather.
Call us anything you like, sir, whatever you like.
But let me assure you that we are telling you the truth.
This whole planet isn't worth that.
So please, dear sir, wherever it is you come from, turn around and go back home.
Enough! You! You dolt! You.
You said the golden arrow pointed this way.
- No.
- [ Yells .]
- No, Master.
No.
- [ Yells .]
Remember me, boy.
Just remember me.
He swung the sword straight at you? Sure, like this.
And I closed my eyes and-- Why didn't you get cut or anything? Because the sword went right between us, I guess.
I don't know how he did it.
I don't know how he made that big slave of his appear either.
Just "bam" and there he was, big earrings and all.
That's all right, Will, really.
We've heard it a dozen times.
You can tell it to me again.
I would be glad to talk to you about it.
- I need to exercise my-- - Silence, you babbling bumpkin.
Can't you see what the poor boy's been through? As for you, Will, do be quiet.
Do you want these ladies to think I am weaker than you? Of course if I hadn't done all that walking in the hot sun - and if I had worn my arch supports-- - You'll be all right, Dr.
Smith.
- Here, take this.
- [ Groaning .]
Aw, there now.
It's your father I'm worried about now.
- I wanted to go with him-- - [ Rocket Landing .]
- but he's told me to stay here.
- Yes, darling, I know.
Oh, darling.
What did you find? Well, everything's safe and secure at the drill site.
Good.
Why, I even found your tools and your lunch kit just where you left them.
That's impossible.
There must have been a trace of something out there.
There was.
I, uh, did some old-fashioned Indian tracking.
- The footprints were very clear.
- Which way did they go? Which way? I'm afraid the only footprints were yours and Will's.
Oh.
I shouldn't have sent you out on that job.
It's much too hot out there today.
[ Chuckling .]
- I bet I know how your thief got away.
- How? - On a magic carpet.
[ Chuckling .]
- "Magic carpet.
" - I'm sorry, I said.
- Leave me alone, will ya? Well, I didn't mean to make everybody laugh about your old thief.
If we keep looking, sooner or later we're bound to find some tracks or something.
But I've helped you look, haven't I? For hours.
And you haven't found one clue.
So please, won't you forget about him now and help me fix my new swing? "Help me fix my new swing.
" That's all you ever care about is playing games.
When right now this very minute the Terror of the Cosmos may be lurking.
[ Laughing .]
Listen to you, Will Robinson.
You read too much, that's all.
It's the truth, I tell you.
- [ Laughing .]
- I'll prove it to you.
Just you wait.
No, I won't wait.
I'm sick of your old fairy tales.
I will prove it.
[ Handle Rattles .]
[ Whooshing .]
[ Wind Whistling .]
Dog! Slave! Coming, Master.
Oh, there's a draft in here.
I can feel it.
Yes, Master.
What is it, Master? Where were you? Sleeping again, I suppose? No, Master.
No.
- I was busy at the furnace.
- Liar! Didn't you feel that cold air? How many times must I tell you? This is an asteroid.
We sail through space like an empty, cold rock.
Don't you understand? Once let that furnace go out and you'll be less than the lowest icicle.
No, Master.
No.
I work very hard.
I make the furnace go.
- I do not sleep.
- Oh, go and check that draft.
Somebody may have been using the sedan chair.
An intruder? Well, how should I know? If there is, just throw him to the lions.
[ Yelling, Grunting .]
Stop dawdling out there! It is nothing, Master.
Nothing at all.
Please, what are you going to do to me? You won't throw me to the lions, will you? [ Chuckling .]
Here.
You stand here.
- Why? - Stand like I say.
- What for? - [ Bell Ringing .]
Look.
This rings, you do this.
What's gonna happen? This one.
Five times.
One, two, three, four, five.
- [ Bell Ringing .]
- Ah, work.
- This one.
- Yeah, I can do this all right.
Faster.
[ Laughing .]
- Faster! - Okay.
Tell me, why am I doing this? Furnace.
Furnace.
I heard the thief say this was some kind of an asteroid.
But I don't even know how I got here.
There was this thing and then stars and-- Sedan chair go through space.
Bring you here.
It was nothing.
- [ Bell Ringing .]
- Ah, good.
Now wait.
Uh, did I do all right? You won't kill me now, will you? [ Laughs .]
Maybe yes.
Maybe no.
- I tell you later.
- Thank you very much, sir.
But could you tell me more about the thief and the asteroid? Silence, dog! I tell you nothing.
I know nothing.
I am but slave.
Well, that's too bad.
[ Chuckling .]
But you, [ Chuckles .]
you are less than nothing.
- [ Ringing .]
- Ah, work.
This one.
Faster.
Faster.
Faster.
- [ Ringing .]
- Faster.
- Five times.
- Five times.
- [ Laughing .]
- [ Buzzing .]
Faster, faster.
[ Bell Ringing .]
Work, work, work! - [ Laughing .]
- [ Bell Rings .]
[ Chuckling .]
Now you are the slave of a slave! - [ Ringing .]
- [ Laughing .]
Oh, my.
Darling, they're lovely.
- Where on earth did you find them? - Not on Earth.
- No.
- I do think they need some water though.
Yes, of course.
I'll put them in this over here.
Penny won't mind.
It's just about the right size.
- There you go.
- There we are.
Won't they look pretty in the moonlight? And I suppose you'd like something to eat.
I'd never use an ulterior motive on you.
- But I'm starved to death.
- [ Chuckles .]
- What's that all about? - I don't know.
Maybe it's an eclipse.
[ John .]
Looks like an asteroid.
[ Don .]
I don't think so.
It seems to be orbiting this planet.
Perhaps it has something to do with that meteor shower last night.
- Could it fall? - No, I don't think so.
- Don, you'd better plot a track on it though.
- Roger.
Dr.
Smith, would you find Will and Penny for me? I am not a nursemaid, madam.
If you wish to eat dinner tonight, be a nursemaid.
I will go with you, if you will talk with me.
You stay away from me, you garrulous gargoyle.
- [ Yells .]
- Get up! I might have known you'd be asleep again.
Most uncomfortable nap I've had in centuries.
Forgive me Master, I slept only a moment.
The-The furnace-- - Yes, where is he? - Wh-Where is who, Master? The boy, of course.
You think I'm stupid just because I'm not a crafty villain like your former master? No.
No, Master.
I was going to tell you about the boy.
Don't lie to me! - I'm hungry.
Go get me some food.
- Yes.
- I'll attend to the boy.
- Yes, Master.
I have plans for him.
Go! - Please, please, don't kill me.
- So here you are.
I was just tired, and I was looking for a place to rest.
In this room it was dark, and-- Wow.
Ah, that's nothing.
Nothing, boy.
Just a little overflow from the treasure caves downstairs, that's all.
Little overflow? You must be the richest man in-- in anywhere.
- Richest? I'm the poorest.
- What? Poor? But with diamonds and emeralds and-- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
And just a few from each planet I pass.
You might say that here I am, collecting the best of all possible worlds.
- Just a few from each planet? Wow.
- Well, of course.
But has it done me any good? Take a look at that stuff.
Junk, that's what it is.
- Aren't the emeralds real? - Naturally.
But look at the golden arrow when you hold them close.
Does anything happen? No! It's rubbish! What's supposed to happen? Stardust, my boy.
Stardust.
The treasures I search for once belonged to a beautiful princess who lived on a planet which you've probably never heard of.
An evil vizier stole her away.
And all that was left was a pool of her tears and a trail of her gems scattered across the heavens.
Golly.
And I only have this golden arrow to guide me.
- [ Humming .]
- Look at it! - That's what's supposed to happen! - What's it pointing at? Well, we must be coming into the fourth orbit.
Well, yes, yes.
There we are.
It's your planet.
Somewhere on your planet is a clue, a treasure.
Some part of the trail of her I seek.
And you're gonna help me find it.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know any princess or anything about her treasures.
Are you going to help me, or do I feed you to the lions? No! I mean, yes.
I mean, let me go.
Good! You made the right decision.
- No! - I hereby dub thee Assistant Thief.
[ Laughing .]
Ah, food.
Come, now.
Let's sit and eat while we make our plans.
First rule of a thief: Eat while you think, think while you eat.
I am hungry.
But I still don't understand what you think might be down there.
Second rule of a thief: I'll ask the questions, not you.
- What are you looking at? What do you see? - Nothing exactly.
Who are those people? They're called Robinsons, I think.
On your planet? On the place you swore you had only one friend, just that cowardly Smith? Well, they're not friends, exactly.
Well, what are they, your enemies? - Yeah, I guess so.
- Well, why didn't you say so, if they are? I guess I didn't know what to say.
Well, a thief should have enemies, lots of enemies.
It keeps you on your toes.
I'll tell you what.
After we've found what I'm looking for we'll kill them all, all right? Come on.
Eat now, boy.
Eat.
Third rule of a thief: Death to all Robinsons! [ Wind Blowing .]
You spawn of a camel.
See to that.
Oh, if he left that sedan chair open again.
Let me go! Let me go! - Another intruder, Master.
- Let me go! Let me go! Will! Will.
Silence, dog, she-cur.
Mind your tongue.
Good, good! Now you're getting the hang of it.
Female camels will speak only when spoken to.
- Do you understand? - Uh, now, don't overdo it though.
Wait a minute.
Isn't she-- Isn't she one of those people? Boy, is that a Robinson? Yeah, it looks like it might be one.
Good, good.
Here you go then.
Now's your chance to prove yourself.
The honor is yours.
Death to all Robinsons! Death to all Robinsons.
No, no! - [ Laughing .]
- No! [ Wind Whistling .]
Penny? Penny? Where are you, dear? Come here, child.
Don't make your dear Dr.
Smith come out and look for you.
Hello? Hello out there.
- Is anyone home? - [ Wind Whistling .]
Heavens, it's gone back.
Oh, dear.
I do hope that ridiculous Robot has the sense to follow me here.
Oh, the pain, the pain.
That a man of my worth should be subject to the witless whimsy of that meandering mental midget.
[ Gasps .]
Oh, thank heavens.
I knew you'd come after me, my dear friend.
You are indeed a brave soldier.
A veritable transistorized tiger, loyally following his dear leader.
I did not come after you, Dr.
Smith.
How dare you! What do you mean? You are not my friend.
You refuse to socialize with me.
Socialize indeed, you traitor.
You come out of there immediately, do you hear? And destroy on sight any alien you find on this planet.
And quickly, before the sedan chair disappears again.
I am afraid that is impossible.
Don't use that word to me, you ninny.
Come out of there this instant.
Unfortunately, in order to fit in here I was forced to temporarily remove my lower motorized tread section.
I am unable to move out of here.
You bubble-headed booby.
Why did you come here to begin with? Merely to warn you that there are extreme dangers up here.
I hope you survive them and rescue Will and Penny.
And now, good-bye, Dr.
Smith.
My sensors indicate that this interdimensional space transporter will be returning to our planet in a moment.
- Good luck.
- No, no.
Don't leave me.
I'm coming with you.
[ Shrieking .]
[ Ringing .]
[ Buzzing .]
[ Bell Ringing .]
- Will Robinson, when I get you back home-- - Shh.
This is better than having your head cut off, isn't it? - Oh, Will.
- Maybe you'll believe my fairy tales now.
- What's gonna happen to us? - Oh, take it easy.
You see, the trouble is, the thief thinks there's something on our planet that he wants.
That's why he let you live, so you could be a hostage until he gets it.
- But what? - Well, a clue maybe.
Like some jewelry this princess he's looking for might have dropped.
You know, like leaving a paper trail when she was kidnapped by the evil vizier.
- The what? Who? - Sure.
The thief's been trailing them for over 200 years.
You see, this evil vizier captured the caliph's daughter and took her to someplace called Utopia, but nobody knows where that is, so-- Oh, Will, stop it.
You're making it all up.
I mean, no, you're not.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, Penny, don't do that.
I'll get us out of here.
Honest I will.
The thief sort of trusts me now, and I've got a plan.
- So just listen to me.
- Will it save Dr.
Smith too? - Who? - Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, no.
- Well, he and the Robot were with me when I opened the door of that thing to look for you.
I don't know where they are now.
But I'm sure they would have come after me.
[ Thief .]
Coward! Dog! I can explain everything.
I do the stealing around here, no one else-- do you understand? I was just having a look, sir.
Grab him.
No, please.
I meant no harm.
I just happened to be strolling by.
What's the matter with you? Oh, never mind.
Just go wake up the lions.
- I'll prepare their dinner myself.
- [ Yells .]
Will? Will? Penny.
- Maureen.
- Oh, did you find Dr.
Smith? - No, not a trace of him.
- Oh, dear.
- Judy, any luck? - No, Dad.
- But it's so dark, I thought I'd better get a flashlight.
- Darling, get me one too.
- All right.
- John, look.
- Have you seen the children on the scanner? - No, no, no.
Up there.
Coming in on its next orbit.
Well, right now, finding the children is much more important.
But that asteroid gets closer on every orbit.
[ Wailing .]
Oh, what a horrible way to go.
Save me, somebody.
I'm too young to die.
Oh, dear.
Oh, it's getting lower.
Oh, dear.
Oh, please help me, somebody.
I'm your friend, sir.
And the boy's my friend.
And now he's your friend, isn't he? Well, he loves me.
- The boy loves me.
- But I don't.
I don't like your looks.
There's something about your miserable, mean little eyes.
I've told you the truth, sir.
I simply don't know of any treasures or clues on this planet.
- You're lying to me! - No, I'm not! But if you let me live, I'll help you, yes I will.
There's a spaceship down there, and I'll help you steal anything you like.
Here it is, Master, the old album.
I found it.
Ah, good.
[ Blows .]
Now I'm going to give you your last chance to help me.
Have you seen her? Is she on your planet? Is she mixed up with those miserable Robinsons? I'm afraid I don't recognize the face, sir.
If that's the caliph's daughter wouldn't she be Fetch my assistant! - And bring that little girl here.
- Oh, please, Great Thief.
Perhaps I have seen the princess somewhere.
Perhaps I'll remember.
But if you kill me, I'll forget, won't I? Oh, please.
Stop this thing, stop it! Silence! Dr.
Smith! What are you doing to him? Never mind him, boy.
I want the girl to study this picture.
I told you.
There was no old princess on our planet or any of her treasures either.
But I bet I know what makes the arrow wiggle.
You what? Because this female has a secret, and I just found it out.
Boy, remember Rule 32: A thief should always beware of women with secrets.
But hers is just about a map, sir, nothing but an old map.
- Well, speak quickly, female.
- It's my father's map, sir.
But I know so little about it.
I wouldn't have told you that if he hadn't threatened me with such cruel torture.
- Oh, really, boy.
- It's a map of where we're going.
And we just stopped where we are now, on our way, that's all.
- Well, get to the point.
- She knows where her father keeps the map, sir.
It's just a little piece of paper, but it shows how to get to some planet called "The Oasis of Utipia"? - What did you say? - Or, uh-- Utopia? Is that it? So wouldn't even a little clue like that be the reason that the golden arrow is pointing toward our planet? Yes! Of course! Come on, children.
Let's go steal that map and find out.
What about him? Can't he go too? Would you take a sneaky old mule on a treasure hunt? Don't be ridiculous! Come on, let's go! Oh, please, wait! Help! Don't leave me here alone! Really, sir.
Isn't it better you be cut in two while we're away? Would you want children to see a thing like that? Oh, to be cut down in the prime of life.
What an ignominious way to leave this vale of tears.
Oh, dear.
[ Wind Whistling .]
[ Chair Departing .]
Help, somebody! Rescue me! Oh, dear.
Oh, this is terrible.
Oh, what an evil fate! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Oh, help.
Help.
Is somebody here? Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
Oh, how terrible.
It is all right now.
They've gone.
Oh, thank heavens.
Thank you so much.
How very kind of you.
Would you-- Would you undo these ropes too, please? Dear sir, why did you do this? Why do you look at me like that? It is true.
Two hundred years.
But I did not forget.
Not when I saw the silks on your shoulders.
- What did you say? - Two hundred years he would not look at your face.
Nor even allow me to look at the album for fear of remembrance.
What are you saying? O Exalted One do you not remember your dog of a slave? The one that he stole when you spirited away the princess.
- It is I.
- It is? I see.
Of course it is.
I knew there was something rather familiar about your face.
- Would you undo these ropes, please? - I obey.
O Light of the Heavens for 200 years I have served this thief.
This madman on his crazy search.
- But no more.
- Dear Slave would you help me up please? - My back is extremely delicate today.
- Yes, Master.
Thank you, so much.
[ Shrieks .]
Let me see that thing you've been looking at.
Where is it? From now on, it is you I obey.
O Great Magnificence O Most Evil of all Evil Viziers I am yours.
Everything is yours.
Everything? Oh, how lovely.
The coast is clear.
Hurry it up, hurry it up.
The spaceship's over that way, sir.
Tell him, girl, not me.
Do you understand your instructions? - I think so, sir.
- It's just like the Trojan horse.
Yes, very good.
Very good.
First, you sneak him inside the spaceship, and then he sneaks me.
And then we steal the map, and that's all there is to it.
We're off and away.
But I can stay here, can't I? Of course, you miserable creature.
Who wants a female on an asteroid? Well spoken, boy.
Now here.
You're sure you know how to use these? - Yes, sir.
- Good, good.
Well, off you go now.
Farewell, female.
"Female.
" Just wait.
Pretty quick we'll trap him and then-- Shh.
Hold it.
Wait here a sec.
- What's wrong? - I was just thinking about Dr.
Smith, sir.
What about him? Oh, that knife over him isn't even sharp.
A hostage, that's all he is.
Remember Rule 21: Never trust even your best friend, except when you hold a hostage.
Yes, sir, but your slave wouldn't throw him to the lions by mistake, would he? Boy, I'll tell you a secret.
There hasn't been a lion on that asteroid in years.
It's too cold for them.
I just use a recording when I want to frighten unwelcome visitors.
There is something else.
I know how foolish it is to trust you.
But after searching 200 years I'm getting tired.
I'm running out of tricks.
And what's the good of living anymore if you can't trust a little boy? So go on now.
Go on and do your dirty work.
Yes, sir.
Will, Penny.
Where have you been? Mom, I know this boy is our enemy, but I promise, he will not hurt you.
- What? - Where's Dr.
Smith? Never mind.
Act like you're meeting me for the first time.
- What's he talking about? - The thief may hear us.
- The thief? What? - Don't you understand? He may be watching.
- Who? What? - Oh, Daddy, let's go inside the ship, quick.
It's a thief, Dad.
I know most of his stuff is just tricks, but-- Penny, maybe you'd better explain.
It's true about the thief, but Will's got a plan.
Don, we need you.
Get behind that rock.
Go ahead.
Here.
This looks like a map.
Penny, would you mind telling me a little bit more about this? We can't.
There isn't enough time.
Watch me.
Dogs! Infidels! Stand back! Put down that weapon.
[ Gasps .]
John.
- Grab the map, boy.
- I don't know where it is.
Right there in her hand, boy.
Grab the map.
Push him back, Daddy! Back! Don't just stand there, boy! What are you waiting for? Grab the map! - Grab him, Don! - The ring, boy! Your ring, boy.
Throw your ring! They-- They've got me.
Help me! Throw your ring! Hold his arms, his hands! Don't let him touch his rings! - Traitor! - No, I'm not.
Honest, I'm not.
But I had to do something.
Look, we'll give you the map.
We'll give you anything you need to continue your search.
Only first, you've gotta bring Dr.
Smith back from the asteroid.
Silence! Map, you say? Well, I dare you, boy.
Take out the golden arrow.
It's right here in my robes.
Now, I'm not sure this is the right map of course.
Go on, go on! Hold the golden arrow to that worthless piece of paper.
There.
You see? The arrow doesn't move.
Look at it.
That's all it is a worthless piece of paper! You conniving little beggar! - Wait, it's moving.
It is pointing.
- [ Humming .]
Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! - The vizier! - Hold him.
Hold him.
Do as I say or my slave will destroy you all.
Stand still, everyone.
Professor Robinson, you've noticed I've saved the children.
And now I've returned with a few little gifts for us all.
- Liar.
He's a liar, the most evil liar! - Silence! - Liar.
He's a liar, the most evil liar! - Silence! Slave, you are hereby awarded your freedom provided you dispose of this cursed thief and his asteroid forever.
Yes, Exalted One.
I will break his back with my own hands.
I will rip off his ears.
Turn him loose, Professor.
This is none of our affair.
- No, wait, Dad.
Don't do it.
- You stay out of this, William.
Let them destroy each other.
Turn the victim loose.
- Now, just a minute.
- Let me have the thief.
- Give me the bones of the thief.
- [ Will .]
No! Stop! - [ Laughing .]
- Your ring, boy.
Throw your ring.
Good heavens.
Oh, dear.
- No! - Now, you curse of the ages.
Oh, no.
Please, please, sir.
I can explain the whole thing.
- I will slice you into little tarts.
- You wouldn't do that.
You're really a kind soul, aren't you? Oh, dear, Mr.
Thief.
Please put down that sword.
[ Wailing .]
- [ Arrow Humming .]
- Look.
Look at the arrow! It's pointing.
It's pointing to something right here.
[ Humming Continues .]
[ Woman .]
Who's out there? It's coming from this bottle.
My thief! You've come for me after all these years.
- You've changed.
- Not really.
It's just that I didn't have anything to do for 200 years, but eat marzipan.
You don't know how lonely I got.
Nobody to talk to.
Just sitting, sitting, sitting.
I've got so much to talk about.
- But first, I want-- - Later, my jewel.
When we are alone.
But for now-- What did you do with her? I simply transported her back to my asteroid.
Come boy, take my hand.
Join me, and together we will loot the universe.
No, thank you, sir.
I guess I'd rather be a sultan right here.
And don't worry about Dr.
Smith.
I can take care of him.
Of course you can.
For it is written "He is nothing.
He is nothing but a Smith.
" Farewell, infidels! Farewell, boy.
I shall miss you.
Remember me.
[ Whistling .]
[ Judy .]
He's gone.
Oh, my gems, my treasure.
It's all disappeared! That cowardly thief.
- He stole everything from me.
- [ All Chuckling .]
I think we'd better leave.
[ Woman .]
Who's out there? Who put me back in here? Whoever you are, if you let me out, I'll fall in love with you.
What? You will do nothing of the kind.
What's going on out there? Stop pushing me around.
Who are you? Would you like a beautiful princess to fall in love with you? I am a general-utility, non-theorizing, environmental robot.
I am not programmed for emotional entanglements.
But I would be glad to talk to you.
Really? Well, where shall I begin? First of all I've just been sitting, sitting, sitting here, ever since-- By the way, do you have any extra marzipan? Hold it.
This looks like a good place.
- Nothing.
- Here, let me look for a while.
You just take down the description.
I'll do the bird-watching.
It's not fair.
I always get the dull job.
Look.
I'm the man around here, and men give the orders.
Just because you tried to shave this morning, doesn't mean you're a man.
Why, look at you.
All you managed to cut off was a big hunk of skin.
Look, I told you I was just practicing.
I didn't know there was a blade in the razor.
Well, why didn't you take the time to look, silly? Every time I let you come along with me, it's the same old story, nag, nag, nag.
Well, if you'd let me use the binoculars once in a while the habit pattern would be different.
"The habit pattern would be different.
" Oh, listen to her.
Why don't you let me use the glasses? My eyes are just as good as yours are.
Because you exaggerate everything, that's why.
"The neck is angular with a gentle pink band running around its base.
The legs are slender, graceful with a delicate--" Sounds more like you're describing a fashion show than a bird specimen.
You're just jealous because I have a better command of words than you do.
Baloney! My vocabulary of words is just as good as yours.
- It is not! Yeah.
- You wanna bet? If you'll permit me to speak both of you have an excellent command of the English language.
However, if you do not contain yourselves you will frighten off a specimen which has just arrived.
- [ Bird Chirping .]
- Where? I don't see anything.
A few feet to the right of the small tree.
[ Penny .]
Oh, isn't he beautiful? All right, now I'm ready.
We've already cataloged that one.
It's a Plump-bellied Dr.
Smith Sapsucker.
But I don't understand.
Here's a Golden-tailed Dr.
Smith Wyandotte and a Dr.
Smith Bullfinch.
An explanation is simple.
Dr.
Smith names all the specimens which he discovers after himself.
That's why I don't ask him to come with me anymore.
Otherwise, every bird on this planet would have Dr.
Smith - as part of his name.
- [ Whooshing .]
That spaceship, they're throwing something out of it.
Come on, Will.
We'd better get back to the Jupiter 2.
[ Will .]
It's luggage! Trunks and suitcases! Warning! Warning! Warning! Approaching danger! [ Screams .]
Will, look out!