Lucifer (2016) s02e09 Episode Script
Homewrecker
1 Previously on Lucifer I was worried I'd never see you again.
I've had patients who revealed a new side of themselves, but not so much the actual devil.
- We're good, right? - Yeah.
Really good.
We could be there for each other as friends even if it's about another guy.
What is she doing here? Charlotte Richards, the defense attorney.
Thought I'd dive into my employment.
Humans are dying because of you.
MOM: I'm stronger than you'd think.
You seem attached to these creatures, and I can't figure out why.
We shouldn't be here! The only place I've ever felt wanted or respected.
Is here with humanity? This is my home! Deal with it, Mother! Oh, oh My heart is beating and I'm under attack Don't need it sure 'cause I don't wanna go back I'm giving in MALE TOUR GUIDE (over P.
A.
): Sunshine.
Beautiful people.
Expensive cars.
The glamorous life.
Get ready to see the real Los Angeles on this thrill ride tour.
Well, it appears I've been misled.
Whoever put together this brochure should get special treatment in Hell.
I don't need you to show me around the city.
Well, of course you do.
This is an exciting time, brother! Now that we're making Los Angeles our home, the City of Angels can finally earn its name.
You are making it a home.
Mom and I are gonna find a way to get back to the Silver City.
- One way or another.
- But why? When Los Angeles has so much to offer? TOUR GUIDE: On your right, you'll see the famous shop, Pooch Pouch, the store that sells purses for purse-sized dogs.
Clearly.
- Don't get it confused with the store - Excuse me.
Sorry.
that sells dogs in the shapes of purses.
Sorry, I do apologize.
- That's on your left - Pardon me, excuse me.
Yeah, thank you.
Please.
That's your corner.
Ah.
Right.
Forget everything you just slept through.
Welcome to Los Angeles, city of reinvention, where you can become whomever you want.
Uh, if we look over here That humungous house in the distance, the owner, he moved out here with just ten dollars and a dream.
Within three years, he was running the largest underground sex club in the country.
Los Angeles is also a place where you can do whatever you want.
To your right hand side over here, this folically challenged man That's Sleepy Pete.
Hello, Pete.
Give us a wave.
Everyone wave at Pete.
(camera shutters clicking) He will sell you the best Molly in the city.
(Lucifer chuckles) Don't buy his cocaine, though.
It's got enough baking soda in it to make a cake.
It's not a bad idea, as I think about it.
To your right again My nightclub, Lux! The city's crowning achievement.
My brother and I are celebrating I don't understand him.
Why won't Amenadiel embrace this city like I have? Well, people often need time to adjust to change.
And he's only been here for a few months.
And if what you say is true What? That he's got a stick so far up his ass you can see it when he yawns? That he's a fallen angel.
Oh, yes, that, too.
Then this could be about more than finding a home for him.
But we're here to talk about you.
Why did you recently decide that this was your home? Well, I said it when I was in a row with my mum.
I didn't realize how true it was until I yelled it in her face.
Yes, your mother, who is a literal goddess of all creation.
Still haven't quite wrapped my brain around that one.
Yes, well, anyway, her and Amenadiel want to get back to the Silver City, but it's not my home.
It never was.
And neither was Hell.
No.
No, that was somewhere I was sent as a punishment.
Like the DMV, but less screaming.
So would you say that this is your first home? Yes, I suppose it is.
And why do you think that's the case? Well, I don't know, Doctor.
You tell me.
I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons.
Either they're running from something, or looking for something.
Oh, and which one are you? I'm not the one on the couch, Lucifer.
- (laughs, sighs) - So ask yourself Which is it? Running or looking? CHLOE: Lucifer? Lucifer?! Get out of the chair.
Oh, come on, Detective.
It's been ages since I've sat in a throne.
Oh, there's a lot of personality here, isn't there? Appalling personality, but quantity over quality, I suppose.
- (sighs) - (laughs) Genuine Medieval knights costume in a Bel Air mansion? This man's home definitely was his castle.
Well, it couldn't keep him safe from invaders.
Crime scene.
Let's go.
Hang on.
That's Dean Cooper, the Los Angeles real-estate tycoon! Yeah, owns the whole block, and most of the biggest developments in the city.
Including the entire block that Lux is on.
Deeply unpleasant man.
You wouldn't believe the deal I had to strike for my lease.
All completely legal.
If somewhat, well, let's say "morally ambiguous.
" Well, that moral ambiguity that he was so famous for may have finally caught up with him.
Ella, cause of death? Explosive exsanguination from the carotid, punctured by this.
Like from a champagne flute.
Mm-hmm.
Someone really popped his cork.
You know like (makes explosive, hissing sounds) You guys, like, the blood's the champagne.
Like when you open a bottle, his neck was the We got it.
Did you get any prints? Killer wiped it clean.
Okay, well, maybe he didn't wipe the glass clean before it broke.
Ella, are any of these pieces here big enough to get a partial from? Probably not.
But, hey, someone invented glue for a reason.
Right? You're going to reassemble all those pieces? I'm fairly certain there are people in Hell being forced - to do exactly that right now.
- Oh, I was the kind of kid who did jigsaw puzzles picture-side down.
- That's fascinating.
- Mm.
Oh.
What's wrong? Maze.
Problem at Lux.
Problem? What? One of the Brittanies stub her toe? You're leaving? Lucifer, Cooper was one of the most hated men in the city.
We have tons of suspects to go over.
And if I don't get there soon, Maze will undoubtedly fix the problem herself, which usually - involves knives.
- But So unless you want to be blamed for a four-toed Brittany Uh hello? We're closed.
Hi, okay, we've got some anomalies here, especially with the quarterlies Maze, did you forget to bribe the inspectors this month? Are you the proprietor? I am, yes.
And who are you, lounging around like you own the place? Oh, I actually do own the place.
Lucifer Morningstar, you're being evicted.
All right, explain what you mean by "evicted," and do it carefully as your life may depend on it.
Okay, Mr.
Morningstar.
My name is Eric Cooper.
I've assumed all of Cooper's holding and assets, Lux among them.
You're Dean Cooper's son.
Your father was just brutally murdered, and here you scant hours after you were notified, divvying up the spoils.
I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed.
What happened to my father was unfortunate.
Yes.
But business is business.
Well, impressed it is.
Your father and I made a deal for me to live here, so I'm sure you and I can come to some agreement.
Tell me, Eric, what is it you desire? (gasps) I want my father to turn over in his grave.
Hated the old man, eh? Well, I can relate to that.
My father's not on my Christmas card list either.
In fact, I moved here to get away from him.
Surely you can understand that.
No, not really.
And I saw your "lease" It was written in lipstick on a stripper's thong.
- Not exactly legally binding.
- Hm.
Well, maybe we can write the new one in blood.
I find that to be quite binding.
Let's not.
You have no legal right to be here, so if you don't vacate, I'll have you removed.
(laughs) It's not that easy to remove me.
Last time, it took the power of God.
What do you have A few expensive lawyers? Or are you gonna do it yourself? Not in front of all of these humans.
If I were you, I'd leave.
That's fine.
This is a police matter now.
Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go, man.
It's not like you to get in the way of a good eviscerating, Maze.
What was that about? You'd be eviscerating the wrong person.
This is your mother's doing.
(scoffs) Mum? How? You told her you want to stay here on Earth.
Now someone's trying to take Lux away from you.
Don't be absurd, Maze.
I just saw American Psycho's father.
The man wasn't destroyed by the Goddess of Creation.
He was killed in a fit of human passion.
But that greasy weasel might be right.
This is a police matter.
Lucky me.
Don't act like your mother isn't capable of this, Lucifer.
Ah, that's enough help from you today Maze, thank you.
(smacks bar) All right, fine.
You can't see it, I'll find someone who will.
I don't see it.
Of course you don't.
So after you said you'd "handle things," you're hiding behind her skirt again? I am handling things, Maze.
Mom and I are trying to find a way back home.
So why would she murder some human? That woman is dangerous, duplicitous And she's standing right behind me, isn't she? Pardon my interruption, but what am I being blamed for now? I know what you're doing, trying to take away Lucifer's home on Earth, so he can help you get back to the Silver City.
It won't work.
The demon is talking, but not making any sense.
Typical, I suppose.
She thinks you killed the man who owns Lux to get Lucifer evicted.
(chuckles) Mazikeen.
If I did come up with such a plan, do you think it would be you who figured it out? Whatever you're up to, I will find out.
Oh, she thinks she's smart.
Mom? You weren't actually involved in that man's death, - right? - Well, of course not.
But it might be able to be used to our advantage.
Maybe Lucifer will agree to come home with us now.
Right.
All my sons are important.
It isn't about Lucifer.
It's about our family.
I've already lost a son.
I will not leave another one behind.
It doesn't matter, Mom.
Lucifer loves that place.
And no human is gonna make him give it up as long as it's still standing.
Is that so? Careful And that is how we do it! Ta' vonlu! Ta' von what? It's Klingon for "the king is trapped.
" In Star Trek, they play three-dimensional chess.
Okay.
And I'm gonna check this for prints now.
Great.
No problem.
Hey.
All our info on Dean Cooper.
No rap sheet, which, quite frankly, is pretty amazing considering his reputation.
Great.
Thank you.
Hey, are you busy? I could use an assist on this case.
Nah, Vice has me wrapped up on a bomb-making case.
I got to rush back.
Where's Lucifer? Something came up at his club.
I don't think he's coming back.
Oh, well, don't worry, Chloe.
He never stays away - for too long, right? - (phone ringing) Hmm? Huh.
Hey, Lucifer.
So, did you splint the stubbed toe, or did you kiss it and make it better? Well, that's an interesting theory, but we don't have any evidence that Eric Cooper's the killer.
Mm, actually we do.
Prints just came back.
Eric Cooper.
How did you? Never mind.
I'll meet you at the Cooper building.
So wonderful that you agree with me for a change, Detective.
Perhaps you're getting smarter.
I don't agree with you.
I have actual evidence on Eric Cooper that I need to look into.
- What do you have? - Motive.
Little shark liquidated his father so he could liquidate his assets.
How do you know he's liquidating assets? Because he's trying to evict me from Lux and sell off the building.
You're saying that Dean Cooper's son is making deals just an hour - after his father was found dead? - Exactly.
- What could be more suspicious? - Hey.
When were you gonna mention that you're personally involved in the case? When you asked me.
Nope.
This an extremely high profile case.
We are doing this by the book.
I cannot have you terrorizing him.
I would never.
Or threatening to tear his arms off.
That happened one time.
Or hanging him from a window.
I solemnly promise that the man's feet will remain firmly on the ground.
(man screams) (car alarms ringing) MAN: What's that? WOMAN: Somebody call an ambulance MAN 2: Check this out.
MAN 3: There's a guy on the car! (car alarm continues ringing) WOMAN: Is he alive? (groaning) That's Eric Cooper.
Just to be clear, that wasn't me.
I mean, who leaps from the seventh floor? 13th, minimum.
This is the man forcing me from my home, he can't even make a proper suicide jump.
- Lucifer.
- Is this really necessary? Well, witnesses saw him jump off a balcony by his own free will.
He was distraught.
That doesn't make him a killer.
Well, it points to a guilty conscience.
Christi, I know this might be hard to hear, but we have evidence that Eric was in his father's house before he died.
We live in the same compound.
I'm sure there's DNA or whatever all over the house.
You can't actually think that he killed his own father.
LUCIFER: Well, I mean Let's not forget Eric's insatiable lust for Daddy's cold hard cash.
If he's willing to do something as monstrous as turning me out of my house, then killing his father isn't such a stretch, is it? - (grunts) - LUCIFER: Ooh! My Left Foot's trying to speak.
N-No money.
Shh, baby.
Don't talk.
What are you trying to say, Eric? (grunts) Dad ran the business into the ground.
We were buried in debt.
I thought making emergency sales could save us, but CHRISTI: But what, baby? There's nothing left.
I'm sorry, I I couldn't live with disappointing you.
LUCIFER: Well, if this is about money, you should have called me first, before taking that swan dive.
Perhaps you'd like to renegotiate now? I can't.
The deal is made.
How could a sale be made so fast? Dean Cooper died yesterday.
Is this that deal for all the property on the strip? (grunts) There's been a buyer interested in that for years.
Eric's dad had it all drawn up and then just let it sit on his desk.
He just wanted to torture the buyer.
So, you made the sale as soon as you heard your father was gone? Dad couldn't block it anymore.
But it didn't matter.
It wasn't enough.
What we have is enough.
You and me.
We don't need money for that.
What a wonderful day.
Potentially homeless and definitely nauseated.
Well, whoever bought Lux stood to gain from Dean Cooper's death.
Yes.
This man, the person who owns Lux now.
What's his name? Her.
It's Eleanor Bloom.
Detective, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I doubt it.
But let's go talk to Eleanor Bloom.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- (shouts) - (gasps) (grunting): Oh, God I would like to get to know ya If you think you're going my way Or if you stay With me just another day I think you're in the wrong place, lady.
- You're Kevin Burnick.
- I am.
Why? You come to take a peek at the legend? According to the docket, one of your clients is a known explosives expert named Patrick O'Neil.
I need his help to get my son to come back home with me.
You look hot and sound crazy, which is totally my type.
But I don't talk about my clients out of court.
It's a lawyer thing.
Oh, you misunderstand me.
I'm his lawyer now.
You can go home.
(laughs) (laughing): Look, lady.
I don't know what you've heard about me, but when the K-Dog gets a bone, (whispers): he doesn't let go.
Touch me, and I will sue you so hard (smacks) (tile shatters, grunts) My love Oh (distant siren wailing) So, you think I had something to do with Dean Cooper's death? Well, barely an hour after he was killed, you closed on a deal he'd been obstructing for years.
Sounds convenient.
- Sounds like good business to me.
- Cooper intentionally gave you businesswoman blue balls just to torture you.
- It's rather cruel.
- And I bought his favorite golf course last year and turned it into a landfill for medical waste.
Oh, I see.
Well played.
So, you're saying this was all a multi-million dollar prank war? I'm saying I didn't kill him over a deal.
Besides, I just flew in from Macau this afternoon.
Check with the airstrip.
You have any other questions, you can ask my lawyer.
Not so fast, Mommy Warbucks.
I have some questions for you myself.
Lucifer, you promised that you wouldn't Detective, this woman has my home.
If you're gonna give me some sob story Oh, far from it.
I know your type.
You don't respond to emotion, or intimidation.
The only thing that gets you going is a deal.
So, let's make a deal, shall we? What do you desire? Tell me and it's yours.
I want everything Dean Cooper has.
Well, Cooper owned Lux.
So, how about everything apart from that? Everything.
All I want is what was his.
And then to destroy it.
So, you're gonna tear down all of his properties? I'm a developer.
I'm gonna knock everything down and then rebuild.
Even Lux? Especially that place.
That's prime real estate.
I'm gonna build a mega-mall.
A "mega-mall"? Yeah, you know, Gymboree, Sunglass Hut Bulldozers get rolling as soon as my people finish emptying the buildings.
You know, a murder investigation can tie up a development for years.
I know you know more than you're telling us.
So, if there is any way, at all, that you can help this investigation, - that would be wonderful.
- (chuckles softly) She's good.
I could use a few of her on my team.
The accountants I had looking over the deal did find several unreported payments.
Hundreds of thousands of dollars.
You don't hide money like that unless you don't want anyone to find it.
Bloom was right.
Dean Cooper was making large off-the-books payments and hiding them from his company.
Well, could be anything.
Drugs, blackmail.
There's no shortage of bad deeds in Dean Cooper's life.
I'm gonna try and trace where these payments went.
Maybe our killer's on the other end.
Oh, delightful.
Whilst you do that, I'm gonna return to Eleanor Bloom's office and get my home back.
Not sure she's interested in selling.
Well, maybe she'll change her mind after I turn her world into a sphincter-loosening nightmare.
Ew.
Lucifer.
I'm sorry about your home.
I am.
But you have to promise me you're not really gonna hurt this woman.
Well, then, help me, Detective.
Arrest her! I mean, isn't contributing to homelessness in Los Angeles a crime? Lucifer, the law is on Bloom's side here.
I want to help you, but we have to find a legal solution.
Okay.
So I'm on my own, am I? That's not what I We know you build bombs for the mob, Patrick.
That's ridiculous.
I I deliver pizzas.
Yeah.
We cracked your code.
"Hoping to get a delivery at Slauson and La Brea tomorrow night.
Enough pepperoni to feed a family of four.
" The mafia, the cartels, when they hear that we have you in custody, and they think for a second about your ingenious pizza code, they're gonna want to keep you quiet.
So, uh you can help me out, right? - Depends.
- (door opens) Hmm! Hands off my client, Officer.
(door closes) You're not his lawyer.
The accused has a constitutional right to be counseled by whomever they choose.
She can be my lawyer.
I understand your confusion.
You're very attractive.
I've found that can also mean you're not very intelligent.
(chuckles) I've already posted your bail.
No.
Wait, wait, wait.
I-I can't afford that.
Oh, don't worry, I take payment in trade.
Is it true that you know how to make bombs? That's what I'm accused of.
Yeah? Have you ever brought down a building before? I know how it's done.
(laughs) I need you to destroy a nightclub for me.
MOVER: Let's get out of here, guys.
Hands off - my piano! - MOVER: Hey, man, we're just doing a job.
We don't want any trouble.
You think you can come in here and take apart my life without any trouble? You gentlemen have no idea who you're dealing with, do you? Well let me show you.
- (cheering) - Babe, show me what you like Ay, I put money, I can match it for you I'm in this in all white Fit lookin' like a brick And all them zippers on the jacket on you He got a thing for a Latin chick He wanna hear a little Spanish in me Ha, I told him it ain't To practice it I'm 'bout to fully up the status with it Walk up with the clique and I ain't lookin like (woman moaning) I'm the opposite, and I'm the main event And bossin' in it as the time been tickin' I been ouchea playin' my position I'm up out to get it And block the hit cuz somedays somedays This building was supposed to be empty.
Oh, you know Lucifer, Mom.
He wasn't gonna let this place go without a fight.
Or a drink.
This is what humans call a "sit-in.
" What are you doing here? Well, I was gonna blow the building up with C4.
- Mom, you can't.
- I know.
My client is a coward.
And very difficult to convince him to kill this many people.
- No, Mom, that's-that's not what I - I may be able to use this to my advantage.
I'm the main event and bossin' in it as the time been tickin' I been ouchea playin' my position I'm up out to get it and block the hit cuz Somedays somedays sometimes I want someone someone To tell me I'm somewhat somewhat Doin alright doin alright somewhere somewhere To what do I owe the honor of your presence? I disagree with you wholeheartedly about wanting to stay here.
But a mother doesn't have to agree with her son in order to support him.
So what is it exactly I'm supposed to sit in? (laughs) Mum.
You're actually being a good mum.
We may have our disagreements, but you're still my son.
I don't want to lose you again.
(soft chuckle) Oh! Doctor! Mum, this is my therapist, Dr.
Linda.
Doctor, this is my mom in a disturbingly hot body.
Lucifer, I'm sure that sounds strange to her human brain.
Oh, no, don't worry, Mum, Dr.
Linda's had a crash-course in celestial beings.
Only melted her brain for about a week.
(chuckles) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have guests to get back to.
I'm sure you'll get on like a house on fire.
Doin alright somewhere Somewhere I'll find me hat someone, someone Somebody that one day one day Could be the love of my life So you're, uh God's wife.
Ex-wife.
Oh.
I prefer to not be defined by Him.
Oh, of course, of course.
Well, I just want to say, it's an honor to meet you.
Thank you for for all of this.
Existence.
(chuckles) And I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my son.
You're so welcome.
Our relationship must give you a lot to talk about.
Mm.
I'm not telling you anything about our sessions.
Simon Halbrooks, of Private Investigative Solutions.
That's my company.
Built it myself.
Hmm.
Dean Cooper made several off-the-books six-figure payments to you in the last few weeks.
Those payments were off of his books, not off mine.
I'm legit.
What kind of legit business has clients hide their payments to you? Do you trust your fellow officers, Detective? Excuse me? Do you know for sure they wouldn't take a bribe? Rat you out for the right price? How can you know who to trust? I'm the guy who answers those questions.
And how do you do that? Think of me as a professional tempter.
People hire me to find out if their R&D guy would sell secrets.
Or if a famous couple's nanny could be bribed for pictures of their kids.
So whose loyalty were you testing at Cooper's company? That's privileged information.
I just thought you'd want to know, we got calls about some kind of an illegal party at Lux.
Oh thanks.
(cheering) (music stops, crowd booing) Oh! Stormtroopers have arrived, everyone.
Don't worry, I'll deal with the boys in blue.
You are the boys in blue, aren't you? The strippers aren't due for another hour.
(Lucifer chuckling, indistinct radio chatter) Detective.
What are you doing with them? I know him.
I'll handle this.
You sure, Detective? CHLOE: I can reason with him.
This doesn't need to be a scene, I got it.
OFFICER: Okay, guys, let's go.
Thanks, guys.
Lucifer, what the hell were you thinking? I (quietly): Turn the music back on, this place is dead.
(chuckles) - (chuckles) - Well, you heard the lady.
Crank it up! (cheering) Detective, does that mean you're on my side now? Lucifer, this is your home, I've always been on your side.
Well, if you're gonna stay, come on, stay.
- No, I don't want to dance.
- No, no, no, come on.
- You're the guest of honor now.
- I don't want to Come on! Should I stay or should I go now Yo! ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? Should I stay or should I go now Yo! ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? If I go, there will be trouble Si me voy, va a haber peligro And if I stay it will be double Si me quedo, es doble He really does love this place, doesn't he? Yeah.
This place.
¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? Should I stay or should I go now ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? If I go, there will be trouble (faded): Si me voy, va a haber peligro And if I stay it will be double Si me quedo, es doble My son was right about you, Doctor.
You are quite insightful.
You know, for a moment there, you were actually having fun, Detective.
Ooh.
Obviously it was temporary insanity as now you're back at work.
Well, as any parent knows the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.
So, what have we got? Well, I've been going through these payments to our professional tempter, and none of them match up to the timing of any of Cooper's new hires.
I just can't figure out who they were investigating.
Riveting, but I meant what have we got to prevent my club from being bulldozed into a Cinnabon? Lucifer, I'm sorry but that trick that I pulled last night is only gonna work once.
I can't see another way to save this place.
Well, then, we need to look harder, Detective.
This is about more than me.
I mean, do you know the history of sin in this place? It was a, an institution decades before I ran it.
Th-that crack in that mirror there.
That crack is still there from when Ava Gardner threw a scotch glass at Sinatra's head.
- (chuckles) - Hmm.
Underneath here there's prohibition tunnels everywhere.
Howard Hughes used to use them to sneak his mistresses away from his other mistresses.
And that stool that you're sitting on, that very stool, Detective, this may disturb and titillate you We have to go see Simon Halbrooks again.
I think I know - who he had Cooper looking into.
- Well, I'm sorry, I can't leave Lux undefended.
Really? Okay.
Eleanor Bloom's entire moving crew is passed out on your floor.
The police aren't gonna be here for at least another day.
Lux is fine.
I really need your help here.
Really? (ice cubes rattling in glass) (laughter and indistinct conversations) You don't trust her, either, do you? It's not what you think, Maze.
Listen, when I first came to Earth, I made certain mistakes, all right? I'm just making sure Mom doesn't make the same ones.
That's it.
I'm protecting her.
(Maze chuckles) Right.
She didn't tell you who she was meeting, did she? So who do you think it is, hmm? An assassin? A terrorist? I'm quite sure it's no one so dramatic.
(exhaling) Oh I did not see that coming.
A little lime, little lime Little sugar with the vodka on the side Woo woo I saw a sadness in you.
A sadness and a strength.
Look, I know this is forward of me but you want to grab a drink in my room? I mean I probably shouldn't.
Oh, you definitely shouldn't.
I mean, I'm all for examining your innermost desires, but at least examine your options first.
Uh, hey, buddy.
I'm working here.
Indeed you are, in that it's literally your job to seduce her, and report back to her fiancée's wealthy parents.
Or am I wrong? - (scoffs) - Mm.
Oh, something I said? You don't just tempt potential employees, Simon.
You also go after potential spouses.
Dean Cooper's payments started to you just after his son got engaged to Christi.
Care to explain? It's true.
Old Man Cooper didn't trust Christi.
She came from Nowheresville, Michigan, where they put cars on blocks in yards.
So Dean Cooper thought she was after his son's money, and hired you to prove that she was just a gold digger? And I approached her.
Rented Bentley, fake Rolex, the whole nine yards.
I laid it on thick.
And? Did she sleep with you? She passed.
She stayed faithful.
What, you couldn't seduce her with your fake Rolex? - Well, color me shocked.
- (chuckles) Hey, man, my success rate is pretty high.
She was really in love with her fiancée.
It happens sometimes.
So if she didn't cheat, then what happened with Dean Cooper? I told the old man the truth.
But it didn't matter, he didn't like her.
Even if there was no evidence of her cheating, he wanted me to make some.
"Make some?" I photoshopped pictures of her in some compromising positions.
What? It was a lot of money.
So Dean Cooper tried to blackmail Christi into breaking off her engagement with fake proof of her cheating? That's some serious motive for murder.
LUCIFER: The poor girl was just trying to find a place to belong.
And you, you vile insect, took that away from her.
If you ask me, she killed the wrong man.
Lucifer, come on.
All right.
Detective, this man is a professional homewrecker! And when it gets out, what he's done, he will be out of business.
That will have to be punishment enough.
Please.
Very well, Detective.
DAN: I'm not gonna lie.
I was, um I was pretty surprised when you called me.
Even more surprised you actually invited me out.
(chuckles) You know, as soon as I walked into that interrogation room, I felt a spark between us.
Yeah? Me, too.
I'm surprised you're still single.
- (chuckling) - Lucky me.
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've been a little bit gun-shy about the whole dating thing.
You know, since my split.
No, I understand.
I went through a bad breakup, myself.
Honestly, I was in Hell for what felt like forever.
(chuckles) I've only recently come back.
What happened with you two? Was there someone else? No, no.
No, nothing like that.
But But? (sighs) (smacks lips) Well, there's this-this guy that she spends a lot of time with.
And he definitely has a thing for her, but I I mean, I don't know if it's reciprocated, but - you know, I - Go on.
I think you were right, Maze.
They must be discussing some evil, terrible plans.
And we must stop them.
No, let's let it play out.
Just to be safe.
(sighs) Wow.
You know, I haven't really had anyone to talk about my ex with.
And it feels really good to get it out.
Yes, it certainly does clarify things.
Whoa, whoa, uh, wait, I'm so sorry.
I, um, I totally over-shared, didn't I? - (chuckles softly) - I I haven't done this in a while.
And (chuckles) I screwed it up.
Well, I suppose I do have some time and you are fairly attractive.
(chuckling): What? Oh (chuckles) (camera snaps) (chuckling): Oh, that's a keeper.
Come on, let's go.
I know where he lives.
I'm not gonna go watch my mother make out with Dan! They're not gonna make out.
They're gonna (moans) I know what they're gonna go do, Maze! Fine.
I'll report back.
Maze, stop.
This is just a an innocent date.
An innocent date? - With Chloe's ex? - Yeah, they're colleagues.
She was in Hell for thousands of years, and he's a good enough looking guy.
Please don't make me explain this any more.
(giggles) But it is so much fun to torture you.
Look, I'm not gonna interfere with my mother enjoying a little bit of happiness.
Please.
Fine.
It's not like I wanted to watch, anyway.
Even I have my limits.
(chuckles) (phone dialing) It's me.
Forget the building, I need a smaller charge.
For say, one person.
Don't worry about that.
I'm going to do this one myself.
(doorbell rings) Mr.
Cooper, sorry to bother you.
We just have a few more questions.
Can your fiancée vouch for your whereabouts the morning your father was killed? No, she was out looking for a venue for the wedding.
Why? - Well - CHRISTI: What is this? I thought Eric had been cleared of the charges.
Oh, he has.
Because we now know that you're the one who killed your father-in-law, Christi.
What? CHLOE: Eric's father created fake evidence that you were cheating and tried to blackmail you into leaving.
And then he had a little champagne toast to evil while he did it.
No wonder you wanted to jam it down his throat.
I No.
No, I did it.
My father, he-he showed me the evidence and I knew it was fake.
Christi would never And-and the fact that he would stoop so low, I couldn't help myself.
I flew into a rage.
Well, if that's the case, Eric Cooper, you're under arrest No! It was me.
It happened all like you said.
Christi I'm-I'm the one who did it, not Eric.
I think he did it.
You two realize that if you confess to this crime, there's a good chance you both will go to jail? Whatever we face, we face together.
LUCIFER: I don't understand.
The one of you who didn't do it, you'll lose everything.
No, we won't.
No one was willing to stand next to you in front of the bulldozers? (laughs) No.
No, I sent everybody home.
(inhales deeply) Thought I'd say my good-byes on my own.
Good-byes? I thought you were gonna fight for this place.
Well, it occurred to me that much as I love this place, uh, I can always build a new one.
I mean, it wasn't the walls that made it my home.
The people.
Yes.
Well, the women.
But they'll flock to any new place I go to, so Hmm.
Well, that makes this sort of anticlimactic.
But Lux has been named a Heritage Site by Los Angeles County.
Detective, is this I had a friend in the city council push it through.
And I used your, uh, little history lesson as inspiration.
Lux is protected now.
It can't be demolished for development.
Detective, you (chuckles) you saved my home.
Well, you'd still have to buy it back from Eleanor Bloom, I'm sure well above market price.
But (sighs) you can afford it.
(chuckles) I I-I mean, I simply don't know what to say.
I'm-I'm normally the one doing the favors.
And for a price.
Friends help each other out.
Yeah, well, let me at least buy you dinner tonight.
To celebrate.
I know this amazing steakhouse and-and the chef's an absolute artist in the kitchen.
I mean, he's also a degenerate gambler and owes me a favor.
Otherwise, you'll just go home and eat one of those poisonous sandwiches you get from the vending machine at work.
Come on, Detective.
Friends help each other out.
She saved Lux.
No strings attached.
I-I didn't even ask.
LINDA: Well, Chloe saw that your home is a very important place to you.
Does it really surprise you that she'd want to help you protect it? (scoffs) Well, I People make gestures like that all the time.
You just saw two people go to jail for each other.
But those people were clearly insane.
Now their home is a jail cell.
You realized earlier that "home" meant more to you than Lux.
That you could lose Lux and still have a place here.
Because Los Angeles is my home.
Lux or no.
Are you sure that's what you were really looking for? Well, what else would it be? Something occurred to me when you introduced me to your mother.
Why is it that I'm the only human in your life who knows who you really are? Because you asked me, remember? You insisted that I show you.
Detective Decker has asked you many times.
And I always tell her the truth.
But you know she doesn't believe you.
You could show her your true face, but you don't.
Why is that? Do you think it's because you might be afraid of how she might react? Because you care that much about what she thinks of you? No, I-I-I'm sorry.
Doctor, I don't really understand where you're going with this.
I think you did come to Los Angeles looking for something.
But I also think you've stopped.
Because maybe you've found it.
Devil devil Hmm Bones of metal metal Hmm You torture saints With a single glance You make them think They ever stood a chance Do not try me Devil devil Cannot buy me Devil devil You won't make a fool of me Oh no What makes you so special special To think I would ever settle Do not try me Devil devil You cannot buy me Devil devil You won't make a fool of me Oh no Oh no What makes you so special special - (beeping) - To think I would ever settle For that devious dance Between me And the devil devil.
I've had patients who revealed a new side of themselves, but not so much the actual devil.
- We're good, right? - Yeah.
Really good.
We could be there for each other as friends even if it's about another guy.
What is she doing here? Charlotte Richards, the defense attorney.
Thought I'd dive into my employment.
Humans are dying because of you.
MOM: I'm stronger than you'd think.
You seem attached to these creatures, and I can't figure out why.
We shouldn't be here! The only place I've ever felt wanted or respected.
Is here with humanity? This is my home! Deal with it, Mother! Oh, oh My heart is beating and I'm under attack Don't need it sure 'cause I don't wanna go back I'm giving in MALE TOUR GUIDE (over P.
A.
): Sunshine.
Beautiful people.
Expensive cars.
The glamorous life.
Get ready to see the real Los Angeles on this thrill ride tour.
Well, it appears I've been misled.
Whoever put together this brochure should get special treatment in Hell.
I don't need you to show me around the city.
Well, of course you do.
This is an exciting time, brother! Now that we're making Los Angeles our home, the City of Angels can finally earn its name.
You are making it a home.
Mom and I are gonna find a way to get back to the Silver City.
- One way or another.
- But why? When Los Angeles has so much to offer? TOUR GUIDE: On your right, you'll see the famous shop, Pooch Pouch, the store that sells purses for purse-sized dogs.
Clearly.
- Don't get it confused with the store - Excuse me.
Sorry.
that sells dogs in the shapes of purses.
Sorry, I do apologize.
- That's on your left - Pardon me, excuse me.
Yeah, thank you.
Please.
That's your corner.
Ah.
Right.
Forget everything you just slept through.
Welcome to Los Angeles, city of reinvention, where you can become whomever you want.
Uh, if we look over here That humungous house in the distance, the owner, he moved out here with just ten dollars and a dream.
Within three years, he was running the largest underground sex club in the country.
Los Angeles is also a place where you can do whatever you want.
To your right hand side over here, this folically challenged man That's Sleepy Pete.
Hello, Pete.
Give us a wave.
Everyone wave at Pete.
(camera shutters clicking) He will sell you the best Molly in the city.
(Lucifer chuckles) Don't buy his cocaine, though.
It's got enough baking soda in it to make a cake.
It's not a bad idea, as I think about it.
To your right again My nightclub, Lux! The city's crowning achievement.
My brother and I are celebrating I don't understand him.
Why won't Amenadiel embrace this city like I have? Well, people often need time to adjust to change.
And he's only been here for a few months.
And if what you say is true What? That he's got a stick so far up his ass you can see it when he yawns? That he's a fallen angel.
Oh, yes, that, too.
Then this could be about more than finding a home for him.
But we're here to talk about you.
Why did you recently decide that this was your home? Well, I said it when I was in a row with my mum.
I didn't realize how true it was until I yelled it in her face.
Yes, your mother, who is a literal goddess of all creation.
Still haven't quite wrapped my brain around that one.
Yes, well, anyway, her and Amenadiel want to get back to the Silver City, but it's not my home.
It never was.
And neither was Hell.
No.
No, that was somewhere I was sent as a punishment.
Like the DMV, but less screaming.
So would you say that this is your first home? Yes, I suppose it is.
And why do you think that's the case? Well, I don't know, Doctor.
You tell me.
I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons.
Either they're running from something, or looking for something.
Oh, and which one are you? I'm not the one on the couch, Lucifer.
- (laughs, sighs) - So ask yourself Which is it? Running or looking? CHLOE: Lucifer? Lucifer?! Get out of the chair.
Oh, come on, Detective.
It's been ages since I've sat in a throne.
Oh, there's a lot of personality here, isn't there? Appalling personality, but quantity over quality, I suppose.
- (sighs) - (laughs) Genuine Medieval knights costume in a Bel Air mansion? This man's home definitely was his castle.
Well, it couldn't keep him safe from invaders.
Crime scene.
Let's go.
Hang on.
That's Dean Cooper, the Los Angeles real-estate tycoon! Yeah, owns the whole block, and most of the biggest developments in the city.
Including the entire block that Lux is on.
Deeply unpleasant man.
You wouldn't believe the deal I had to strike for my lease.
All completely legal.
If somewhat, well, let's say "morally ambiguous.
" Well, that moral ambiguity that he was so famous for may have finally caught up with him.
Ella, cause of death? Explosive exsanguination from the carotid, punctured by this.
Like from a champagne flute.
Mm-hmm.
Someone really popped his cork.
You know like (makes explosive, hissing sounds) You guys, like, the blood's the champagne.
Like when you open a bottle, his neck was the We got it.
Did you get any prints? Killer wiped it clean.
Okay, well, maybe he didn't wipe the glass clean before it broke.
Ella, are any of these pieces here big enough to get a partial from? Probably not.
But, hey, someone invented glue for a reason.
Right? You're going to reassemble all those pieces? I'm fairly certain there are people in Hell being forced - to do exactly that right now.
- Oh, I was the kind of kid who did jigsaw puzzles picture-side down.
- That's fascinating.
- Mm.
Oh.
What's wrong? Maze.
Problem at Lux.
Problem? What? One of the Brittanies stub her toe? You're leaving? Lucifer, Cooper was one of the most hated men in the city.
We have tons of suspects to go over.
And if I don't get there soon, Maze will undoubtedly fix the problem herself, which usually - involves knives.
- But So unless you want to be blamed for a four-toed Brittany Uh hello? We're closed.
Hi, okay, we've got some anomalies here, especially with the quarterlies Maze, did you forget to bribe the inspectors this month? Are you the proprietor? I am, yes.
And who are you, lounging around like you own the place? Oh, I actually do own the place.
Lucifer Morningstar, you're being evicted.
All right, explain what you mean by "evicted," and do it carefully as your life may depend on it.
Okay, Mr.
Morningstar.
My name is Eric Cooper.
I've assumed all of Cooper's holding and assets, Lux among them.
You're Dean Cooper's son.
Your father was just brutally murdered, and here you scant hours after you were notified, divvying up the spoils.
I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed.
What happened to my father was unfortunate.
Yes.
But business is business.
Well, impressed it is.
Your father and I made a deal for me to live here, so I'm sure you and I can come to some agreement.
Tell me, Eric, what is it you desire? (gasps) I want my father to turn over in his grave.
Hated the old man, eh? Well, I can relate to that.
My father's not on my Christmas card list either.
In fact, I moved here to get away from him.
Surely you can understand that.
No, not really.
And I saw your "lease" It was written in lipstick on a stripper's thong.
- Not exactly legally binding.
- Hm.
Well, maybe we can write the new one in blood.
I find that to be quite binding.
Let's not.
You have no legal right to be here, so if you don't vacate, I'll have you removed.
(laughs) It's not that easy to remove me.
Last time, it took the power of God.
What do you have A few expensive lawyers? Or are you gonna do it yourself? Not in front of all of these humans.
If I were you, I'd leave.
That's fine.
This is a police matter now.
Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go, man.
It's not like you to get in the way of a good eviscerating, Maze.
What was that about? You'd be eviscerating the wrong person.
This is your mother's doing.
(scoffs) Mum? How? You told her you want to stay here on Earth.
Now someone's trying to take Lux away from you.
Don't be absurd, Maze.
I just saw American Psycho's father.
The man wasn't destroyed by the Goddess of Creation.
He was killed in a fit of human passion.
But that greasy weasel might be right.
This is a police matter.
Lucky me.
Don't act like your mother isn't capable of this, Lucifer.
Ah, that's enough help from you today Maze, thank you.
(smacks bar) All right, fine.
You can't see it, I'll find someone who will.
I don't see it.
Of course you don't.
So after you said you'd "handle things," you're hiding behind her skirt again? I am handling things, Maze.
Mom and I are trying to find a way back home.
So why would she murder some human? That woman is dangerous, duplicitous And she's standing right behind me, isn't she? Pardon my interruption, but what am I being blamed for now? I know what you're doing, trying to take away Lucifer's home on Earth, so he can help you get back to the Silver City.
It won't work.
The demon is talking, but not making any sense.
Typical, I suppose.
She thinks you killed the man who owns Lux to get Lucifer evicted.
(chuckles) Mazikeen.
If I did come up with such a plan, do you think it would be you who figured it out? Whatever you're up to, I will find out.
Oh, she thinks she's smart.
Mom? You weren't actually involved in that man's death, - right? - Well, of course not.
But it might be able to be used to our advantage.
Maybe Lucifer will agree to come home with us now.
Right.
All my sons are important.
It isn't about Lucifer.
It's about our family.
I've already lost a son.
I will not leave another one behind.
It doesn't matter, Mom.
Lucifer loves that place.
And no human is gonna make him give it up as long as it's still standing.
Is that so? Careful And that is how we do it! Ta' vonlu! Ta' von what? It's Klingon for "the king is trapped.
" In Star Trek, they play three-dimensional chess.
Okay.
And I'm gonna check this for prints now.
Great.
No problem.
Hey.
All our info on Dean Cooper.
No rap sheet, which, quite frankly, is pretty amazing considering his reputation.
Great.
Thank you.
Hey, are you busy? I could use an assist on this case.
Nah, Vice has me wrapped up on a bomb-making case.
I got to rush back.
Where's Lucifer? Something came up at his club.
I don't think he's coming back.
Oh, well, don't worry, Chloe.
He never stays away - for too long, right? - (phone ringing) Hmm? Huh.
Hey, Lucifer.
So, did you splint the stubbed toe, or did you kiss it and make it better? Well, that's an interesting theory, but we don't have any evidence that Eric Cooper's the killer.
Mm, actually we do.
Prints just came back.
Eric Cooper.
How did you? Never mind.
I'll meet you at the Cooper building.
So wonderful that you agree with me for a change, Detective.
Perhaps you're getting smarter.
I don't agree with you.
I have actual evidence on Eric Cooper that I need to look into.
- What do you have? - Motive.
Little shark liquidated his father so he could liquidate his assets.
How do you know he's liquidating assets? Because he's trying to evict me from Lux and sell off the building.
You're saying that Dean Cooper's son is making deals just an hour - after his father was found dead? - Exactly.
- What could be more suspicious? - Hey.
When were you gonna mention that you're personally involved in the case? When you asked me.
Nope.
This an extremely high profile case.
We are doing this by the book.
I cannot have you terrorizing him.
I would never.
Or threatening to tear his arms off.
That happened one time.
Or hanging him from a window.
I solemnly promise that the man's feet will remain firmly on the ground.
(man screams) (car alarms ringing) MAN: What's that? WOMAN: Somebody call an ambulance MAN 2: Check this out.
MAN 3: There's a guy on the car! (car alarm continues ringing) WOMAN: Is he alive? (groaning) That's Eric Cooper.
Just to be clear, that wasn't me.
I mean, who leaps from the seventh floor? 13th, minimum.
This is the man forcing me from my home, he can't even make a proper suicide jump.
- Lucifer.
- Is this really necessary? Well, witnesses saw him jump off a balcony by his own free will.
He was distraught.
That doesn't make him a killer.
Well, it points to a guilty conscience.
Christi, I know this might be hard to hear, but we have evidence that Eric was in his father's house before he died.
We live in the same compound.
I'm sure there's DNA or whatever all over the house.
You can't actually think that he killed his own father.
LUCIFER: Well, I mean Let's not forget Eric's insatiable lust for Daddy's cold hard cash.
If he's willing to do something as monstrous as turning me out of my house, then killing his father isn't such a stretch, is it? - (grunts) - LUCIFER: Ooh! My Left Foot's trying to speak.
N-No money.
Shh, baby.
Don't talk.
What are you trying to say, Eric? (grunts) Dad ran the business into the ground.
We were buried in debt.
I thought making emergency sales could save us, but CHRISTI: But what, baby? There's nothing left.
I'm sorry, I I couldn't live with disappointing you.
LUCIFER: Well, if this is about money, you should have called me first, before taking that swan dive.
Perhaps you'd like to renegotiate now? I can't.
The deal is made.
How could a sale be made so fast? Dean Cooper died yesterday.
Is this that deal for all the property on the strip? (grunts) There's been a buyer interested in that for years.
Eric's dad had it all drawn up and then just let it sit on his desk.
He just wanted to torture the buyer.
So, you made the sale as soon as you heard your father was gone? Dad couldn't block it anymore.
But it didn't matter.
It wasn't enough.
What we have is enough.
You and me.
We don't need money for that.
What a wonderful day.
Potentially homeless and definitely nauseated.
Well, whoever bought Lux stood to gain from Dean Cooper's death.
Yes.
This man, the person who owns Lux now.
What's his name? Her.
It's Eleanor Bloom.
Detective, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I doubt it.
But let's go talk to Eleanor Bloom.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- (shouts) - (gasps) (grunting): Oh, God I would like to get to know ya If you think you're going my way Or if you stay With me just another day I think you're in the wrong place, lady.
- You're Kevin Burnick.
- I am.
Why? You come to take a peek at the legend? According to the docket, one of your clients is a known explosives expert named Patrick O'Neil.
I need his help to get my son to come back home with me.
You look hot and sound crazy, which is totally my type.
But I don't talk about my clients out of court.
It's a lawyer thing.
Oh, you misunderstand me.
I'm his lawyer now.
You can go home.
(laughs) (laughing): Look, lady.
I don't know what you've heard about me, but when the K-Dog gets a bone, (whispers): he doesn't let go.
Touch me, and I will sue you so hard (smacks) (tile shatters, grunts) My love Oh (distant siren wailing) So, you think I had something to do with Dean Cooper's death? Well, barely an hour after he was killed, you closed on a deal he'd been obstructing for years.
Sounds convenient.
- Sounds like good business to me.
- Cooper intentionally gave you businesswoman blue balls just to torture you.
- It's rather cruel.
- And I bought his favorite golf course last year and turned it into a landfill for medical waste.
Oh, I see.
Well played.
So, you're saying this was all a multi-million dollar prank war? I'm saying I didn't kill him over a deal.
Besides, I just flew in from Macau this afternoon.
Check with the airstrip.
You have any other questions, you can ask my lawyer.
Not so fast, Mommy Warbucks.
I have some questions for you myself.
Lucifer, you promised that you wouldn't Detective, this woman has my home.
If you're gonna give me some sob story Oh, far from it.
I know your type.
You don't respond to emotion, or intimidation.
The only thing that gets you going is a deal.
So, let's make a deal, shall we? What do you desire? Tell me and it's yours.
I want everything Dean Cooper has.
Well, Cooper owned Lux.
So, how about everything apart from that? Everything.
All I want is what was his.
And then to destroy it.
So, you're gonna tear down all of his properties? I'm a developer.
I'm gonna knock everything down and then rebuild.
Even Lux? Especially that place.
That's prime real estate.
I'm gonna build a mega-mall.
A "mega-mall"? Yeah, you know, Gymboree, Sunglass Hut Bulldozers get rolling as soon as my people finish emptying the buildings.
You know, a murder investigation can tie up a development for years.
I know you know more than you're telling us.
So, if there is any way, at all, that you can help this investigation, - that would be wonderful.
- (chuckles softly) She's good.
I could use a few of her on my team.
The accountants I had looking over the deal did find several unreported payments.
Hundreds of thousands of dollars.
You don't hide money like that unless you don't want anyone to find it.
Bloom was right.
Dean Cooper was making large off-the-books payments and hiding them from his company.
Well, could be anything.
Drugs, blackmail.
There's no shortage of bad deeds in Dean Cooper's life.
I'm gonna try and trace where these payments went.
Maybe our killer's on the other end.
Oh, delightful.
Whilst you do that, I'm gonna return to Eleanor Bloom's office and get my home back.
Not sure she's interested in selling.
Well, maybe she'll change her mind after I turn her world into a sphincter-loosening nightmare.
Ew.
Lucifer.
I'm sorry about your home.
I am.
But you have to promise me you're not really gonna hurt this woman.
Well, then, help me, Detective.
Arrest her! I mean, isn't contributing to homelessness in Los Angeles a crime? Lucifer, the law is on Bloom's side here.
I want to help you, but we have to find a legal solution.
Okay.
So I'm on my own, am I? That's not what I We know you build bombs for the mob, Patrick.
That's ridiculous.
I I deliver pizzas.
Yeah.
We cracked your code.
"Hoping to get a delivery at Slauson and La Brea tomorrow night.
Enough pepperoni to feed a family of four.
" The mafia, the cartels, when they hear that we have you in custody, and they think for a second about your ingenious pizza code, they're gonna want to keep you quiet.
So, uh you can help me out, right? - Depends.
- (door opens) Hmm! Hands off my client, Officer.
(door closes) You're not his lawyer.
The accused has a constitutional right to be counseled by whomever they choose.
She can be my lawyer.
I understand your confusion.
You're very attractive.
I've found that can also mean you're not very intelligent.
(chuckles) I've already posted your bail.
No.
Wait, wait, wait.
I-I can't afford that.
Oh, don't worry, I take payment in trade.
Is it true that you know how to make bombs? That's what I'm accused of.
Yeah? Have you ever brought down a building before? I know how it's done.
(laughs) I need you to destroy a nightclub for me.
MOVER: Let's get out of here, guys.
Hands off - my piano! - MOVER: Hey, man, we're just doing a job.
We don't want any trouble.
You think you can come in here and take apart my life without any trouble? You gentlemen have no idea who you're dealing with, do you? Well let me show you.
- (cheering) - Babe, show me what you like Ay, I put money, I can match it for you I'm in this in all white Fit lookin' like a brick And all them zippers on the jacket on you He got a thing for a Latin chick He wanna hear a little Spanish in me Ha, I told him it ain't To practice it I'm 'bout to fully up the status with it Walk up with the clique and I ain't lookin like (woman moaning) I'm the opposite, and I'm the main event And bossin' in it as the time been tickin' I been ouchea playin' my position I'm up out to get it And block the hit cuz somedays somedays This building was supposed to be empty.
Oh, you know Lucifer, Mom.
He wasn't gonna let this place go without a fight.
Or a drink.
This is what humans call a "sit-in.
" What are you doing here? Well, I was gonna blow the building up with C4.
- Mom, you can't.
- I know.
My client is a coward.
And very difficult to convince him to kill this many people.
- No, Mom, that's-that's not what I - I may be able to use this to my advantage.
I'm the main event and bossin' in it as the time been tickin' I been ouchea playin' my position I'm up out to get it and block the hit cuz Somedays somedays sometimes I want someone someone To tell me I'm somewhat somewhat Doin alright doin alright somewhere somewhere To what do I owe the honor of your presence? I disagree with you wholeheartedly about wanting to stay here.
But a mother doesn't have to agree with her son in order to support him.
So what is it exactly I'm supposed to sit in? (laughs) Mum.
You're actually being a good mum.
We may have our disagreements, but you're still my son.
I don't want to lose you again.
(soft chuckle) Oh! Doctor! Mum, this is my therapist, Dr.
Linda.
Doctor, this is my mom in a disturbingly hot body.
Lucifer, I'm sure that sounds strange to her human brain.
Oh, no, don't worry, Mum, Dr.
Linda's had a crash-course in celestial beings.
Only melted her brain for about a week.
(chuckles) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have guests to get back to.
I'm sure you'll get on like a house on fire.
Doin alright somewhere Somewhere I'll find me hat someone, someone Somebody that one day one day Could be the love of my life So you're, uh God's wife.
Ex-wife.
Oh.
I prefer to not be defined by Him.
Oh, of course, of course.
Well, I just want to say, it's an honor to meet you.
Thank you for for all of this.
Existence.
(chuckles) And I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my son.
You're so welcome.
Our relationship must give you a lot to talk about.
Mm.
I'm not telling you anything about our sessions.
Simon Halbrooks, of Private Investigative Solutions.
That's my company.
Built it myself.
Hmm.
Dean Cooper made several off-the-books six-figure payments to you in the last few weeks.
Those payments were off of his books, not off mine.
I'm legit.
What kind of legit business has clients hide their payments to you? Do you trust your fellow officers, Detective? Excuse me? Do you know for sure they wouldn't take a bribe? Rat you out for the right price? How can you know who to trust? I'm the guy who answers those questions.
And how do you do that? Think of me as a professional tempter.
People hire me to find out if their R&D guy would sell secrets.
Or if a famous couple's nanny could be bribed for pictures of their kids.
So whose loyalty were you testing at Cooper's company? That's privileged information.
I just thought you'd want to know, we got calls about some kind of an illegal party at Lux.
Oh thanks.
(cheering) (music stops, crowd booing) Oh! Stormtroopers have arrived, everyone.
Don't worry, I'll deal with the boys in blue.
You are the boys in blue, aren't you? The strippers aren't due for another hour.
(Lucifer chuckling, indistinct radio chatter) Detective.
What are you doing with them? I know him.
I'll handle this.
You sure, Detective? CHLOE: I can reason with him.
This doesn't need to be a scene, I got it.
OFFICER: Okay, guys, let's go.
Thanks, guys.
Lucifer, what the hell were you thinking? I (quietly): Turn the music back on, this place is dead.
(chuckles) - (chuckles) - Well, you heard the lady.
Crank it up! (cheering) Detective, does that mean you're on my side now? Lucifer, this is your home, I've always been on your side.
Well, if you're gonna stay, come on, stay.
- No, I don't want to dance.
- No, no, no, come on.
- You're the guest of honor now.
- I don't want to Come on! Should I stay or should I go now Yo! ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? Should I stay or should I go now Yo! ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? If I go, there will be trouble Si me voy, va a haber peligro And if I stay it will be double Si me quedo, es doble He really does love this place, doesn't he? Yeah.
This place.
¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? Should I stay or should I go now ¿Me frÃo o lo soplo? If I go, there will be trouble (faded): Si me voy, va a haber peligro And if I stay it will be double Si me quedo, es doble My son was right about you, Doctor.
You are quite insightful.
You know, for a moment there, you were actually having fun, Detective.
Ooh.
Obviously it was temporary insanity as now you're back at work.
Well, as any parent knows the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.
So, what have we got? Well, I've been going through these payments to our professional tempter, and none of them match up to the timing of any of Cooper's new hires.
I just can't figure out who they were investigating.
Riveting, but I meant what have we got to prevent my club from being bulldozed into a Cinnabon? Lucifer, I'm sorry but that trick that I pulled last night is only gonna work once.
I can't see another way to save this place.
Well, then, we need to look harder, Detective.
This is about more than me.
I mean, do you know the history of sin in this place? It was a, an institution decades before I ran it.
Th-that crack in that mirror there.
That crack is still there from when Ava Gardner threw a scotch glass at Sinatra's head.
- (chuckles) - Hmm.
Underneath here there's prohibition tunnels everywhere.
Howard Hughes used to use them to sneak his mistresses away from his other mistresses.
And that stool that you're sitting on, that very stool, Detective, this may disturb and titillate you We have to go see Simon Halbrooks again.
I think I know - who he had Cooper looking into.
- Well, I'm sorry, I can't leave Lux undefended.
Really? Okay.
Eleanor Bloom's entire moving crew is passed out on your floor.
The police aren't gonna be here for at least another day.
Lux is fine.
I really need your help here.
Really? (ice cubes rattling in glass) (laughter and indistinct conversations) You don't trust her, either, do you? It's not what you think, Maze.
Listen, when I first came to Earth, I made certain mistakes, all right? I'm just making sure Mom doesn't make the same ones.
That's it.
I'm protecting her.
(Maze chuckles) Right.
She didn't tell you who she was meeting, did she? So who do you think it is, hmm? An assassin? A terrorist? I'm quite sure it's no one so dramatic.
(exhaling) Oh I did not see that coming.
A little lime, little lime Little sugar with the vodka on the side Woo woo I saw a sadness in you.
A sadness and a strength.
Look, I know this is forward of me but you want to grab a drink in my room? I mean I probably shouldn't.
Oh, you definitely shouldn't.
I mean, I'm all for examining your innermost desires, but at least examine your options first.
Uh, hey, buddy.
I'm working here.
Indeed you are, in that it's literally your job to seduce her, and report back to her fiancée's wealthy parents.
Or am I wrong? - (scoffs) - Mm.
Oh, something I said? You don't just tempt potential employees, Simon.
You also go after potential spouses.
Dean Cooper's payments started to you just after his son got engaged to Christi.
Care to explain? It's true.
Old Man Cooper didn't trust Christi.
She came from Nowheresville, Michigan, where they put cars on blocks in yards.
So Dean Cooper thought she was after his son's money, and hired you to prove that she was just a gold digger? And I approached her.
Rented Bentley, fake Rolex, the whole nine yards.
I laid it on thick.
And? Did she sleep with you? She passed.
She stayed faithful.
What, you couldn't seduce her with your fake Rolex? - Well, color me shocked.
- (chuckles) Hey, man, my success rate is pretty high.
She was really in love with her fiancée.
It happens sometimes.
So if she didn't cheat, then what happened with Dean Cooper? I told the old man the truth.
But it didn't matter, he didn't like her.
Even if there was no evidence of her cheating, he wanted me to make some.
"Make some?" I photoshopped pictures of her in some compromising positions.
What? It was a lot of money.
So Dean Cooper tried to blackmail Christi into breaking off her engagement with fake proof of her cheating? That's some serious motive for murder.
LUCIFER: The poor girl was just trying to find a place to belong.
And you, you vile insect, took that away from her.
If you ask me, she killed the wrong man.
Lucifer, come on.
All right.
Detective, this man is a professional homewrecker! And when it gets out, what he's done, he will be out of business.
That will have to be punishment enough.
Please.
Very well, Detective.
DAN: I'm not gonna lie.
I was, um I was pretty surprised when you called me.
Even more surprised you actually invited me out.
(chuckles) You know, as soon as I walked into that interrogation room, I felt a spark between us.
Yeah? Me, too.
I'm surprised you're still single.
- (chuckling) - Lucky me.
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've been a little bit gun-shy about the whole dating thing.
You know, since my split.
No, I understand.
I went through a bad breakup, myself.
Honestly, I was in Hell for what felt like forever.
(chuckles) I've only recently come back.
What happened with you two? Was there someone else? No, no.
No, nothing like that.
But But? (sighs) (smacks lips) Well, there's this-this guy that she spends a lot of time with.
And he definitely has a thing for her, but I I mean, I don't know if it's reciprocated, but - you know, I - Go on.
I think you were right, Maze.
They must be discussing some evil, terrible plans.
And we must stop them.
No, let's let it play out.
Just to be safe.
(sighs) Wow.
You know, I haven't really had anyone to talk about my ex with.
And it feels really good to get it out.
Yes, it certainly does clarify things.
Whoa, whoa, uh, wait, I'm so sorry.
I, um, I totally over-shared, didn't I? - (chuckles softly) - I I haven't done this in a while.
And (chuckles) I screwed it up.
Well, I suppose I do have some time and you are fairly attractive.
(chuckling): What? Oh (chuckles) (camera snaps) (chuckling): Oh, that's a keeper.
Come on, let's go.
I know where he lives.
I'm not gonna go watch my mother make out with Dan! They're not gonna make out.
They're gonna (moans) I know what they're gonna go do, Maze! Fine.
I'll report back.
Maze, stop.
This is just a an innocent date.
An innocent date? - With Chloe's ex? - Yeah, they're colleagues.
She was in Hell for thousands of years, and he's a good enough looking guy.
Please don't make me explain this any more.
(giggles) But it is so much fun to torture you.
Look, I'm not gonna interfere with my mother enjoying a little bit of happiness.
Please.
Fine.
It's not like I wanted to watch, anyway.
Even I have my limits.
(chuckles) (phone dialing) It's me.
Forget the building, I need a smaller charge.
For say, one person.
Don't worry about that.
I'm going to do this one myself.
(doorbell rings) Mr.
Cooper, sorry to bother you.
We just have a few more questions.
Can your fiancée vouch for your whereabouts the morning your father was killed? No, she was out looking for a venue for the wedding.
Why? - Well - CHRISTI: What is this? I thought Eric had been cleared of the charges.
Oh, he has.
Because we now know that you're the one who killed your father-in-law, Christi.
What? CHLOE: Eric's father created fake evidence that you were cheating and tried to blackmail you into leaving.
And then he had a little champagne toast to evil while he did it.
No wonder you wanted to jam it down his throat.
I No.
No, I did it.
My father, he-he showed me the evidence and I knew it was fake.
Christi would never And-and the fact that he would stoop so low, I couldn't help myself.
I flew into a rage.
Well, if that's the case, Eric Cooper, you're under arrest No! It was me.
It happened all like you said.
Christi I'm-I'm the one who did it, not Eric.
I think he did it.
You two realize that if you confess to this crime, there's a good chance you both will go to jail? Whatever we face, we face together.
LUCIFER: I don't understand.
The one of you who didn't do it, you'll lose everything.
No, we won't.
No one was willing to stand next to you in front of the bulldozers? (laughs) No.
No, I sent everybody home.
(inhales deeply) Thought I'd say my good-byes on my own.
Good-byes? I thought you were gonna fight for this place.
Well, it occurred to me that much as I love this place, uh, I can always build a new one.
I mean, it wasn't the walls that made it my home.
The people.
Yes.
Well, the women.
But they'll flock to any new place I go to, so Hmm.
Well, that makes this sort of anticlimactic.
But Lux has been named a Heritage Site by Los Angeles County.
Detective, is this I had a friend in the city council push it through.
And I used your, uh, little history lesson as inspiration.
Lux is protected now.
It can't be demolished for development.
Detective, you (chuckles) you saved my home.
Well, you'd still have to buy it back from Eleanor Bloom, I'm sure well above market price.
But (sighs) you can afford it.
(chuckles) I I-I mean, I simply don't know what to say.
I'm-I'm normally the one doing the favors.
And for a price.
Friends help each other out.
Yeah, well, let me at least buy you dinner tonight.
To celebrate.
I know this amazing steakhouse and-and the chef's an absolute artist in the kitchen.
I mean, he's also a degenerate gambler and owes me a favor.
Otherwise, you'll just go home and eat one of those poisonous sandwiches you get from the vending machine at work.
Come on, Detective.
Friends help each other out.
She saved Lux.
No strings attached.
I-I didn't even ask.
LINDA: Well, Chloe saw that your home is a very important place to you.
Does it really surprise you that she'd want to help you protect it? (scoffs) Well, I People make gestures like that all the time.
You just saw two people go to jail for each other.
But those people were clearly insane.
Now their home is a jail cell.
You realized earlier that "home" meant more to you than Lux.
That you could lose Lux and still have a place here.
Because Los Angeles is my home.
Lux or no.
Are you sure that's what you were really looking for? Well, what else would it be? Something occurred to me when you introduced me to your mother.
Why is it that I'm the only human in your life who knows who you really are? Because you asked me, remember? You insisted that I show you.
Detective Decker has asked you many times.
And I always tell her the truth.
But you know she doesn't believe you.
You could show her your true face, but you don't.
Why is that? Do you think it's because you might be afraid of how she might react? Because you care that much about what she thinks of you? No, I-I-I'm sorry.
Doctor, I don't really understand where you're going with this.
I think you did come to Los Angeles looking for something.
But I also think you've stopped.
Because maybe you've found it.
Devil devil Hmm Bones of metal metal Hmm You torture saints With a single glance You make them think They ever stood a chance Do not try me Devil devil Cannot buy me Devil devil You won't make a fool of me Oh no What makes you so special special To think I would ever settle Do not try me Devil devil You cannot buy me Devil devil You won't make a fool of me Oh no Oh no What makes you so special special - (beeping) - To think I would ever settle For that devious dance Between me And the devil devil.