Mr Pickles (2013) s02e09 Episode Script
Talent Show
1 No, no! Don't kill us! Our metal band is supposed to play the talent show today! Metal! [Barks.]
If you kill us, we'll curse you.
Yeah! [Snorts.]
In the name of Satan.
- Satan! - [Snorts.]
Long ago there was only one who may judge the living.
- Who? - Yeah, tell us what to believe in.
- Yeah! - His name was Mr.
Pickles! - Huh?! - Huh?! These sacrifices have got to stop! Oh, the sun! Ugh! Mr.
Pick Where did everybody go? S02E09 Talent Show Breakfast is ready! - Thanks, Mom! - Okeydoke.
Thank you.
- Talent show, huh? - Mm-hmm, I guess.
I wish I could be in the talent show! But I don't have any talents.
Yes, you do! Tell that joke of yours.
What's the difference between a duck [Laughing.]
- Oh! - I don't get it.
It's the way he says it that's so funny.
- Mm-hmm.
- Come on, boy.
Let's go write jokes for the talent show! [Giggles.]
Hey, I have an idea.
- Let's - No way.
I am not going to the talent show.
Why not? I cannot stand by and watch Tommy tell jokes that aren't funny.
If you go, I'll give you a special surprise tonight.
Oh! Hey, that Mr.
Pickles is evil.
He's been Oh, you never believe me.
Bye.
Doo doo doo doo doo, la la la la la [Both laughing.]
You got it all over my face, man.
Oh, no, mine's stuck! - Here, let me try and suck it out.
- Cool.
No, you gotta cock it while you suck.
- Cock! - Hi, guys! Huh? I'm writing jokes for the talent show.
I'll show you what's funny.
Huh? Hey! - Ha! - Hey! If you want your book back, go into that haunted house! [Both laughing, dog growls.]
Come on, boy.
Don't be s-s-scared.
- [Door creaks.]
- Hello? Aah! I think my book's up here.
Aah! Oh, it was just birds.
Hello? Anybody here?! Oh, it was just cats.
[Speaking backward language.]
[All squeak.]
[Whimpers.]
Oh, the window! But where's my book? - Looking for this? - Huh? [Cackling.]
Where's your face?! Aah! Mr.
Pickles! [Barks, snarling.]
I'm sorry I frightened you.
Would you like something to eat? Huh? Dom dom dom, doo doo doo I never loved you - Hi, Sheriff.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm busy.
The talent show is about to start.
The seats aren't filled, and I can't find my Hey, Sheriff, uh, go easy on Tommy up there, would ya? But make it quick.
I got a special surprise waiting for me.
Hey, I found this in the bathroom! Beverly: Oh! - Give that to me! - Ha ha! Sheriff, Mr.
Pickles is evil! Here, blow up these balloons.
Okay.
[Wah-wah-wah-wah.]
You see, my father had a face on his butt, his father had a face on his butt, his father had a face on his butt, and his father had a face on his Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Oh, I haven't left these grounds in many years.
- Why? - The world is a cruel place, Tommy.
So, what's this book of yours? Oh, it's filly with jokes that I've written.
- Let me see.
- Oh, okay.
Hmm.
Why did the shoe fly away? [Laughs.]
- I-Is that it? - It flew away! I could help you write some better jokes if you want.
You know how to write jokes? Oh, I know how to do many things.
[Piano plays.]
Hey! Musical instruments are not for dogs! [Whines.]
My condition gives me a lot of free time.
Also, chapped lips.
Would you like some? Uh, no, thanks.
- King-sized chocolate bar? - No, thanks.
[Munching.]
[Chuckles.]
Ew! Have you seen Tommy? It's about to start.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm sure he's somewhere.
I'm pretty excited about this special surprise you're gonna give me a little later on tonight.
It's been a long time Oh, hi, there.
You got a knife in you.
- Uh, hmm.
- Ugh! Hello! Uh, we've we've got a really great show tonight, I think.
Um, but but first, I need you, um to make some noise! [All cheering.]
Come on, come on, yeah! Put your hands up, put your hands up Hippity, put, put, put your hands up When I say "talent", You say "show" - Talent! Talent! - All: Show! Show! Brace yourself, sucka, I'm about to blow so Also, my name, my name, my name is Sheriff When I get up on the mic, you better be-wareth - Talent! Talent! - Show! Show! - Now freeze! - [All gasp.]
Okay! For our first act, Floyd's gonna do a sword-swallowing routine.
[Grunts.]
Give it up for Floyd, everybody! [Laughing.]
And then the old man says, "I'll have the soup.
" Okay, but the emphasis should be on "soup," not "have.
" Now, let's move on to prop comedy.
- [Clock chimes.]
- Oh, snack time.
[Gasps.]
It's 3:00?! The talent show's already started! Oh, I've always wanted to be in on of those! But I'm too afraid of being ridiculed.
But once people see how nice you are, they'll forget how disgusting you look.
- Oh, uh - [Saxophone plays.]
Hey, get away from there.
Well, let me just get my things, and we'll go [Farts.]
Excuse me.
While strolling through the park one day Up, up, and away! Ow, ow, ow.
Watch in amazement as we shoot a deer blindfolded.
[Laughing.]
- Whoo-hoo! - A round of applause, everybody! - Hi, Grandpa.
- Hey, Mr.
Pickles, you better not try to sacrifice - Dad? - Okay.
Good luck, son.
You're gonna need it.
All right, up next, Hank is gonna juggle knifes.
- Huh?! - Oh! Sheriff: Give it up for Hank.
I gotta stop going to talent shows.
All right, up next, give it up for person I don't know! Good luck.
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Hard rock riff plays.]
From the witch's staff sprung a mighty stallion With the strength of a thousand dragons The horse was named Gregory And no mortal man could tame him From the depths of the Sea of Solitude Stepped a woman worthy She slipped a potion from a magical wizard That could help but tame that stallion The wizard said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha And that woman, she drank the magical potion And transformed into a unicorn The unicorn and the stallion mated With the dragon and the wizard And they said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha-a-a-a Thank you.
- Freak! - Freak! - Monster! - Monster! - [All booing.]
- Man: You suck! You suck! Hey! You should be ashamed of yourselves? - Huh!? - I was gonna do some jokes, but you don't deserve to laugh.
- Oof! - [Laughter.]
Oh, ho ho ho! - We have a winner! - Yay! Put your hands up, put your hands up Hippity, put, put, put your hands up When I say "talent", You say "show" [Sobbing.]
I'm sorry everyone was so mean to you, but I thought you were great.
You think I need a talentless cripple to tell me I was great? - Huh? - Give me that trophy, or I'll cut your face off and put it on your butt! [Laughing, farts.]
My trophy! [Snarls.]
Dinner's ready! I made a two-cheese lasagna.
Yum, yum, yum, yum! Oh, boy, am I stuffed.
Tommy, go to bed.
Uh, how about that special surprise we talked about? Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm?! It's not a two-cheese lasagna, it's a three-cheese lasagna! Surprise! Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Oh, oh.
Oh, I didn't get to tell any of my jokes.
Tell us one now.
What's the difference between your wife and your job? In five years, your job will still suck.
[Laughs.]
Still suck! I don't get it.
I know you don't.
[Sighs.]
Hey, where's Grandpa and Mr.
Pickles? Hey, what are you doing with that? Chain saws are not for dogs.
- [Chain saw revs.]
- Hey, Mr.
Pickles, you better stop Hey, that's Tommy's trophy.
Give that to me.
No, I deserve it.
I'm the most talented person in to [Screaming.]
Oh! What?! Hey! Mr.
Pickles! Oh.
Huh? What the hell?! [Blues playing.]
[Barking rhythmically.]
[Howling.]
[All cheering.]
- Hi, Will.
- Hi, Dave.
If you kill us, we'll curse you.
Yeah! [Snorts.]
In the name of Satan.
- Satan! - [Snorts.]
Long ago there was only one who may judge the living.
- Who? - Yeah, tell us what to believe in.
- Yeah! - His name was Mr.
Pickles! - Huh?! - Huh?! These sacrifices have got to stop! Oh, the sun! Ugh! Mr.
Pick Where did everybody go? S02E09 Talent Show Breakfast is ready! - Thanks, Mom! - Okeydoke.
Thank you.
- Talent show, huh? - Mm-hmm, I guess.
I wish I could be in the talent show! But I don't have any talents.
Yes, you do! Tell that joke of yours.
What's the difference between a duck [Laughing.]
- Oh! - I don't get it.
It's the way he says it that's so funny.
- Mm-hmm.
- Come on, boy.
Let's go write jokes for the talent show! [Giggles.]
Hey, I have an idea.
- Let's - No way.
I am not going to the talent show.
Why not? I cannot stand by and watch Tommy tell jokes that aren't funny.
If you go, I'll give you a special surprise tonight.
Oh! Hey, that Mr.
Pickles is evil.
He's been Oh, you never believe me.
Bye.
Doo doo doo doo doo, la la la la la [Both laughing.]
You got it all over my face, man.
Oh, no, mine's stuck! - Here, let me try and suck it out.
- Cool.
No, you gotta cock it while you suck.
- Cock! - Hi, guys! Huh? I'm writing jokes for the talent show.
I'll show you what's funny.
Huh? Hey! - Ha! - Hey! If you want your book back, go into that haunted house! [Both laughing, dog growls.]
Come on, boy.
Don't be s-s-scared.
- [Door creaks.]
- Hello? Aah! I think my book's up here.
Aah! Oh, it was just birds.
Hello? Anybody here?! Oh, it was just cats.
[Speaking backward language.]
[All squeak.]
[Whimpers.]
Oh, the window! But where's my book? - Looking for this? - Huh? [Cackling.]
Where's your face?! Aah! Mr.
Pickles! [Barks, snarling.]
I'm sorry I frightened you.
Would you like something to eat? Huh? Dom dom dom, doo doo doo I never loved you - Hi, Sheriff.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm busy.
The talent show is about to start.
The seats aren't filled, and I can't find my Hey, Sheriff, uh, go easy on Tommy up there, would ya? But make it quick.
I got a special surprise waiting for me.
Hey, I found this in the bathroom! Beverly: Oh! - Give that to me! - Ha ha! Sheriff, Mr.
Pickles is evil! Here, blow up these balloons.
Okay.
[Wah-wah-wah-wah.]
You see, my father had a face on his butt, his father had a face on his butt, his father had a face on his butt, and his father had a face on his Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Oh, I haven't left these grounds in many years.
- Why? - The world is a cruel place, Tommy.
So, what's this book of yours? Oh, it's filly with jokes that I've written.
- Let me see.
- Oh, okay.
Hmm.
Why did the shoe fly away? [Laughs.]
- I-Is that it? - It flew away! I could help you write some better jokes if you want.
You know how to write jokes? Oh, I know how to do many things.
[Piano plays.]
Hey! Musical instruments are not for dogs! [Whines.]
My condition gives me a lot of free time.
Also, chapped lips.
Would you like some? Uh, no, thanks.
- King-sized chocolate bar? - No, thanks.
[Munching.]
[Chuckles.]
Ew! Have you seen Tommy? It's about to start.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm sure he's somewhere.
I'm pretty excited about this special surprise you're gonna give me a little later on tonight.
It's been a long time Oh, hi, there.
You got a knife in you.
- Uh, hmm.
- Ugh! Hello! Uh, we've we've got a really great show tonight, I think.
Um, but but first, I need you, um to make some noise! [All cheering.]
Come on, come on, yeah! Put your hands up, put your hands up Hippity, put, put, put your hands up When I say "talent", You say "show" - Talent! Talent! - All: Show! Show! Brace yourself, sucka, I'm about to blow so Also, my name, my name, my name is Sheriff When I get up on the mic, you better be-wareth - Talent! Talent! - Show! Show! - Now freeze! - [All gasp.]
Okay! For our first act, Floyd's gonna do a sword-swallowing routine.
[Grunts.]
Give it up for Floyd, everybody! [Laughing.]
And then the old man says, "I'll have the soup.
" Okay, but the emphasis should be on "soup," not "have.
" Now, let's move on to prop comedy.
- [Clock chimes.]
- Oh, snack time.
[Gasps.]
It's 3:00?! The talent show's already started! Oh, I've always wanted to be in on of those! But I'm too afraid of being ridiculed.
But once people see how nice you are, they'll forget how disgusting you look.
- Oh, uh - [Saxophone plays.]
Hey, get away from there.
Well, let me just get my things, and we'll go [Farts.]
Excuse me.
While strolling through the park one day Up, up, and away! Ow, ow, ow.
Watch in amazement as we shoot a deer blindfolded.
[Laughing.]
- Whoo-hoo! - A round of applause, everybody! - Hi, Grandpa.
- Hey, Mr.
Pickles, you better not try to sacrifice - Dad? - Okay.
Good luck, son.
You're gonna need it.
All right, up next, Hank is gonna juggle knifes.
- Huh?! - Oh! Sheriff: Give it up for Hank.
I gotta stop going to talent shows.
All right, up next, give it up for person I don't know! Good luck.
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Hard rock riff plays.]
From the witch's staff sprung a mighty stallion With the strength of a thousand dragons The horse was named Gregory And no mortal man could tame him From the depths of the Sea of Solitude Stepped a woman worthy She slipped a potion from a magical wizard That could help but tame that stallion The wizard said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha And that woman, she drank the magical potion And transformed into a unicorn The unicorn and the stallion mated With the dragon and the wizard And they said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha-a-a-a Thank you.
- Freak! - Freak! - Monster! - Monster! - [All booing.]
- Man: You suck! You suck! Hey! You should be ashamed of yourselves? - Huh!? - I was gonna do some jokes, but you don't deserve to laugh.
- Oof! - [Laughter.]
Oh, ho ho ho! - We have a winner! - Yay! Put your hands up, put your hands up Hippity, put, put, put your hands up When I say "talent", You say "show" [Sobbing.]
I'm sorry everyone was so mean to you, but I thought you were great.
You think I need a talentless cripple to tell me I was great? - Huh? - Give me that trophy, or I'll cut your face off and put it on your butt! [Laughing, farts.]
My trophy! [Snarls.]
Dinner's ready! I made a two-cheese lasagna.
Yum, yum, yum, yum! Oh, boy, am I stuffed.
Tommy, go to bed.
Uh, how about that special surprise we talked about? Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm?! It's not a two-cheese lasagna, it's a three-cheese lasagna! Surprise! Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Oh, oh.
Oh, I didn't get to tell any of my jokes.
Tell us one now.
What's the difference between your wife and your job? In five years, your job will still suck.
[Laughs.]
Still suck! I don't get it.
I know you don't.
[Sighs.]
Hey, where's Grandpa and Mr.
Pickles? Hey, what are you doing with that? Chain saws are not for dogs.
- [Chain saw revs.]
- Hey, Mr.
Pickles, you better stop Hey, that's Tommy's trophy.
Give that to me.
No, I deserve it.
I'm the most talented person in to [Screaming.]
Oh! What?! Hey! Mr.
Pickles! Oh.
Huh? What the hell?! [Blues playing.]
[Barking rhythmically.]
[Howling.]
[All cheering.]
- Hi, Will.
- Hi, Dave.