NewsRadio (1995) s02e09 Episode Script
The Cane
Hey, Bill.
Something wrong with your leg? Not that I'm aware of, but thanks for asking.
Oh, well, if there's nothing wrong with your leg, then why the cane? What? The cane.
The walking stick.
Oh, you mean my cane.
Yeah, I picked her up at an antique store during lunch.
They say she's over a hundred years old.
Hand-carved mahogany with a solid brass tip.
What's wrong, Dave? Don't you like my cane? Again, Bill, why do you have a cane? You like my cane, don't you, Catherine? It's a cane, Bill.
Who cares? You see.
It's just like that old saying, "everybody loves a cane.
" No, Bill, I think the old saying is, "everybody loves a clown," which is what you look like with that thing.
Ah, you're jealous of her, aren't you? No, Bill.
No.
No, I'm not jealous of her.
It's just that it's such an obvious affectation.
I mean, it's such a desperate bid for attention.
Maybe, or maybe I just like canes.
But Bill, you're not using the cane for anything.
The cane should have a function.
Excuse me.
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Chapman Graphic Arts.
Are they on this floor? Oh, the graphic arts place.
They're-- Allow me.
You, my good man, are going to get back on the elevator, go down one floor, step off the elevator, turn left.
Walk down the hallway And the graphic Arts shop is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 doors Down on the right Just open the door And you're home Thank you.
Just glad I could be of service.
Bagel, Dave? [.]
Dave.
Psst.
Matthew, why are you whispering at me? Because there's something not right between me and Joe.
It's like every time he looks at me lately, it's like he's zapping me with hate rays or something.
You know, it's like, zap.
Zap, zap, zap.
Really? Zap.
Zap, zap, zap, huh? Please don't mock me, David.
It's really hard not to.
Just watch him.
Watch him.
Okay, Matthew, tell you what.
I'll go over, I'll talk to Joe if you promise to get back to work, okay? Good idea.
Go, go, go.
Well, work, work, work.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, what's up? Is there a problem with you and Matthew? No.
Matthew's my buddy.
You're my buddy, right, Matthew? Yeah, yeah.
You want to go to lunch? No.
I've gone to lunch every day with him for the past five months.
I justI need a little space.
I understand.
But you don't hate him? No, I don't hate him.
He just needs to back off for a couple of days.
Well, thanks, Joe.
God, what a relief.
He just wants you to give him some space, that's all.
Space? What is that supposed to mean? Just leave the guy alone for a few days, all right? Okay, okay, good.
Okay.
I got to talk to Joe.
Oh, Matthew.
Hello, Matthew.
I got to talk to Joe.
Then talk to him you shall.
Afternoon, lieutenant.
Nice out there today.
Perfect cane weather.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I guess Central Park must be just full of idiots with canes, then.
Good afternoon, people.
Hey, Bill, nice, uh, ooh, nice stick.
You're very gracious, sir.
Hey, Dave.
Need a brown bean fix? No, sir.
I wouldn't want to O.
D.
Yeah, I've seen the coffee and the damage done myself.
So, you're ready for the annual staff retreat? Uh, sure.
When? Tonight.
Uh-huh.
What is it? Oh, well, you know, once a year, I like to get the staff together at the corporate office, lock the doors, and kick around some ideas.
Well, don't you think we should give the staff a little more time to prepare for something like that? Well, I thought everyone knew about it.
Lisa, when's the annual retreat? Tonight.
Right? Right on, right on.
Oh, hey.
Remember last year when we went till, like, oh, Wasn't that a hoot? I wasn't there last year, sir.
Oh, right.
Lisa, wasn't that a hoot? It was a hoot and a half, sir.
A hoot and a half.
I'll tell you.
Talk about a hoot.
That was-- that was a hoot.
Why why didn't you tell me about this retreat? I did tell you.
No, you didn't.
Well, I'm sorry.
I thought I did.
You didn't.
You never told me.
I've got, like, a few hours to prepare.
It's no big deal.
You don't have to prepare.
We just go up there and sit around.
Why don't you just come up with some stuff on the fly? I'm just not very comfortable doing stuff on the fly.
Look, do you have ideas from last year you can show me? No.
Well, last year, I just went up there and came up with some stuff on the fly.
Uh-huh.
Great.
Dave, what did you do in high school when you had a pop quiz? Hyperventilated.
Got a note from the nurse.
Okay, team, let's get going.
Let's get this jamboree rolling.
Uh, Jimmy? Yeah.
Where are we supposed to sit? Huh? Oh.
Well, I had all the furniture removed so we could hunker down, you know, rub some elbows.
Come on, everybody.
Grab some carpet.
Let's go.
Mr.
James, aren't you going to sit down on the floor with us? No, thanks.
Carol, yeah.
Yeah.
Go ahead and bring in some pencils, pads for the guys, please? Jimmy.
Recognized.
My ass hurts.
Okay, Carol, bring in some cushions too.
Bill's ass hurts.
Hey, what's up? Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Joe, here.
I saved you a seat right here.
Okey-doke, is everybody ready to, uh, do it to it? Just one second.
Okay, I'm ready.
You just whipped those up on the fly, did you? Dave and I are going to need a few seconds to set our stuff up as well.
Thank you.
One, two, three cards.
Okay, Dave, you're the leader of this ragtag bunch, so go ahead and stroke me, Stokely.
All right, sir.
Thank you, Beth.
Thank you.
Uh, I was thinking we could devote half an hour every afternoon to a live call-in show, in which-- Oh.
Oh.
In which the listeners of our station could air their complaints about living in the city.
We could call it "Sound off, New York.
" Uh-huh.
Hmm Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
I like it.
I think it's a winner.
Lisa? I'm not sure.
Hmm? What aren't you sure about? Well, we are a news station, and, I mean, as interesting as a call-in show is, it'sit's not news.
Dave? Well, maybe, but perhaps it will give our listeners a chance to feel more involved with the station.
Lisa? People listen to us so that they can be updated on news, traffic, and weather, and if we start changing that programming, they might just turn the dial to another station and quite possibly never turn it back.
At least, that's my opinion.
Sir, this just came in for you.
Excuse me, Carol, didn't I say no interruptions? Lisa was just about to drop some science on us.
I'm sorry, sir.
All right.
On your way out, just lock the door, turn off the phones.
No one comes, no one goes.
You hear me? Yes, sir.
Okay, retreat's over.
I thought this was supposed to be an all-nighter.
Well, it was, but Paul Simon's doing a surprise gig down at the Bottom Line, so Oh, I love his music.
Yeah, I don't, but I do have a line of snow tires I want him to endorse.
That's it for today, people.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Class is dismissed.
Umare you hungry? No, no, I'm feeling pretty tired.
I'll probably just, you know, head straight home, pick something up on the fly.
Where's my cane? It was hanging right here.
Has anyone seen my cane? I'm talking to you people! I walked in, tap, tap, tap, took off my coat, tap, tap, tap, then hung my-- I didn't take it, Bill.
Then where is it? I don't know.
Maybe it took itself out for a stroll.
We both know you took my cane.
When you deny it, you insult not only me but yourself as well, and, of course, my cane.
Trust me, my friend.
Me and my cane, when I find it, will find you, and you get the idea.
What? Hello, people.
Sorry.
Sorry I had to cut things short last night.
So how did your talk with Paul Simon go? Oh, not so good.
I think the world's going to have to wait fora hazy shade of whitewalls.
Anyway, who's got something? Joe.
We could set up a fully interactive on-line web site for our listeners.
Good.
Anyone else? Bill.
An immediate and comprehensive probe into the disappearance of office canes.
Okay.
Matthew? My idea is that I think a fully interactive on-line web site is stupid.
Zap.
All right.
Lisa.
Um, okay, well, this one is just a quickie, but I think we should start doing morning subway updates on the quarter hour so people can listen to us before they catch their trains.
A quickie, but I likey.
Dave? Uh, yeah, well to be honest, I can't say I love it.
Really? Mm-mmm.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Um, and why is that? Well, uh, I it just doesn't feel like our station, you know? And what exactly does our station feel like? Well, I just think that subway updates are really going to interfere with the hard news.
Well, sometimes I take the subway, and I always thought-- Thank you, Matthew.
Bill, do you have anything to add? Yes.
Dave stole my cane, and my ass still hurts.
Okay.
does anyone, anyone, have anything positive to contribute? Yes.
I do.
Of course, I'm not sure if it feels like our station, but, you know, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
Okay.
That's it.
That's it.
That's enough, folks.
I think we'll call it a night.
There's enough bad vibes in this room to run a hoodoo factory.
Come on, let's go.
You're being kind of a jerk about this.
I'm sorry.
What? Could you speak up? I didn't hear that.
[MUMBLING.]
Sorry, what, sir? What? Oh, nothing.
I was just getting in on the fun.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Catherine, just give me the jar.
Let me see it.
Give me the jar.
I can take it.
Catherine Catherine Let me see it.
Catherine, just give me the jar.
It's stuck.
Hi, kids.
Ha.
The bottle opener has disappeared.
How are you going to open a bottle without a bottle opener? Come here.
Do you have some keys? Yeah.
House key or car key, anything.
Impressive.
I'm assuming you dated a lot of frat guys.
Da, da, da, da Dum, dum, dum Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot.
I can't find the can opener.
How am I going to open up these two cans of beans if I can't find the can opener? Well, I'm just going to put these right there.
I'm going to look for the can opener out by the coffee.
What the hell does Matthew need with two tins of beans anyway? What are they doing? Laughing at us.
I didn't know we were so obvious.
Oh, no.
Us? No, no, we're smooth as silk.
Oh, guess what? My phone broke.
I can see that.
Well, Joseph, your job is to fix things when they break, right? Or am I just That's right.
Good, because I'd like you to fix my phone now, please.
What's your problem, huh? How far do you think you can push me before I push you back? Okay.
You know what? I just need to know why you don't like me.
It's not that I don't like you.
I'd just like you a lot more if you weren't bugging me all the time.
Bugging? You know, what you call "bugging," other people call "communicating.
" Well, I don't want to communicate with you.
Look, I'm the kind of person that needs to share my feelings.
Well, I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to be bugged.
And I'm a little bit country.
Ha ha.
Come on.
Dude, you're a freak.
And you're a little bit rock 'n' roll.
Leave me alone, man.
I don't want to talk to you.
Hey, kids, come on in.
Hey.
Hey, Mr.
-- Mr.
James? Yep.
Where's everybody else? They are no longer relevant to the process.
Carol? Yeah, go ahead and lock the doors, and if you hear any yelling and screaming, just leave us alone.
Yeah.
All right.
Go ahead.
Come on.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
Let's go.
Lisa, fire away.
Okay, well, I guess first, I had a thought that if we switched from pre-taped station IDs, to live ones, we could save enough time to have a new two-minute feature every hour.
Dave? Dig in.
I think it's a terrific idea.
And he comes out swinging.
Look out, Lisa-- wait a minute.
What did you say? I think it's a terrific idea.
Oh, you do, do you? I think we should implement it immediately.
Oh, well, okay.
You got any ideas of your own? Uh, yes, I do.
I thought we could teach Matthew how to produce his own segments.
This was my idea, but Lisa really helped me to really flush it out.
No, I made one or two very minor-- No, they were key points.
Aww, gee.
What the hell kind of fun is this? I'm all geared up for kick boxing, and you give me synchronized swimming.
Well, Dave and I decided that we could get a lot more accomplished if we worked with each other instead of against each other.
So what you're saying to me is that because of your personal relationship, You see the value in non-competitive cooperation.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, that may work wonders in the bedroom, but I tell you what.
Do me a favor.
Keep that kind of crap out of my office.
Uh, well, for the record, sir, we really do try to keep our personal and professional lives completely separate.
Yeah, and I try to keep my dogs off the sofa, but do you know what makes this country great? What? What? I don't know, but I do know this.
If Henry Ford and John Chrysler had been sleeping together, hell, we'd be all traveling around in horse buggies.
I hired you two guys because you are fighters, not lovers.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, I'm sure that I could come up with one or two ideas that Dave is not crazy about.
All right.
I'll tell you what, kids.
I got to get out of here.
Where are you going, sir? I don't know.
I guess I'll go downstairs, see if I can find a bar fight.
All right.
How angry are those ideas going to make me? I don't know.
Maybe we should go back to your place and talk about it.
Mm-hmm.
Are we going to fight? Something like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
No hanky-panky on the desk.
I got cameras.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I do know if Henry Ford and John Chrysler had spent all their time bickering, we'd still be driving around in a horse and buggy.
Um, who--who's John Chrysler? Theguy that invented the Chrysler? There's no such person as John Chrysler.
Oh, no, no.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Is he, by any chance, related to Jack Chevrolet? Look, look, you guys get the point I'm trying to make, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, great.
Thanks.
John Chrysler.
Matthew We're not laughing at you, boss.
Come on, we'd better get out of here, dude.
hey, give my regards to Bill Pontiac.
Dave.
Oh, Bill.
Great.
I wanted to apologize for accusing you of stealing my cane.
Uh-huh.
Although we've only worked together a short amount of time, I've always known you to be fair and honest.
Now, those are good qualities, Dave, and I hope you never lose them.
Bill, it's not under my couch.
Maybe not under the edge of the couch.
Where is it? Where's my cane? Okay, Bill.
For the last time, I did not take your cane.
What's under here? It feels hollow.
Bill, you're aware that you're making an ass of yourself.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I guess my cane is lost, and I'll just have to accept that and get on with my life.
You stepped in front of the window.
I did what? When I moved to the door, you moved in front of the window as if you were protecting something.
Okay, Bill, I'm asking you to leave.
You taped it to the side of the building or under the windowsill.
I read your book, you magnificent bastard.
Okay, Bill, I am now ordering you to leave.
I'll leave, but first, I'm looking out that window.
Bill, you're going to feel pretty stupid when it's not out there.
It's out there.
I know it's out there.
Bill Yes, Dave? I stole your cane.
Bill, I, I [RIP.]
I'm sorry, Bill.
I don't know why I did it, and again, I'm sorry, Bill.
That is the most childish, immature thing I've ever seen you do.
No, this is.
Ah, but you knew I was going to do that.
No, that one caught me by surprise.
Oh.
Oh, well, uh what do we do now? Start behaving like adults.
An excellent suggestion.
Then we're of one mind.
Mm-hmm.
You do realize I'm just going to go and buy another cane, don't you? Yeah, and I'm just going to steal it again.
Touché.
Beth? Here's one you can take right now.
This one you can break later.
Here's one for the Hamptons.
This one I like.
I keep.
This one displeases me.
[.]
Something wrong with your leg? Not that I'm aware of, but thanks for asking.
Oh, well, if there's nothing wrong with your leg, then why the cane? What? The cane.
The walking stick.
Oh, you mean my cane.
Yeah, I picked her up at an antique store during lunch.
They say she's over a hundred years old.
Hand-carved mahogany with a solid brass tip.
What's wrong, Dave? Don't you like my cane? Again, Bill, why do you have a cane? You like my cane, don't you, Catherine? It's a cane, Bill.
Who cares? You see.
It's just like that old saying, "everybody loves a cane.
" No, Bill, I think the old saying is, "everybody loves a clown," which is what you look like with that thing.
Ah, you're jealous of her, aren't you? No, Bill.
No.
No, I'm not jealous of her.
It's just that it's such an obvious affectation.
I mean, it's such a desperate bid for attention.
Maybe, or maybe I just like canes.
But Bill, you're not using the cane for anything.
The cane should have a function.
Excuse me.
Can I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Chapman Graphic Arts.
Are they on this floor? Oh, the graphic arts place.
They're-- Allow me.
You, my good man, are going to get back on the elevator, go down one floor, step off the elevator, turn left.
Walk down the hallway And the graphic Arts shop is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 doors Down on the right Just open the door And you're home Thank you.
Just glad I could be of service.
Bagel, Dave? [.]
Dave.
Psst.
Matthew, why are you whispering at me? Because there's something not right between me and Joe.
It's like every time he looks at me lately, it's like he's zapping me with hate rays or something.
You know, it's like, zap.
Zap, zap, zap.
Really? Zap.
Zap, zap, zap, huh? Please don't mock me, David.
It's really hard not to.
Just watch him.
Watch him.
Okay, Matthew, tell you what.
I'll go over, I'll talk to Joe if you promise to get back to work, okay? Good idea.
Go, go, go.
Well, work, work, work.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, what's up? Is there a problem with you and Matthew? No.
Matthew's my buddy.
You're my buddy, right, Matthew? Yeah, yeah.
You want to go to lunch? No.
I've gone to lunch every day with him for the past five months.
I justI need a little space.
I understand.
But you don't hate him? No, I don't hate him.
He just needs to back off for a couple of days.
Well, thanks, Joe.
God, what a relief.
He just wants you to give him some space, that's all.
Space? What is that supposed to mean? Just leave the guy alone for a few days, all right? Okay, okay, good.
Okay.
I got to talk to Joe.
Oh, Matthew.
Hello, Matthew.
I got to talk to Joe.
Then talk to him you shall.
Afternoon, lieutenant.
Nice out there today.
Perfect cane weather.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I guess Central Park must be just full of idiots with canes, then.
Good afternoon, people.
Hey, Bill, nice, uh, ooh, nice stick.
You're very gracious, sir.
Hey, Dave.
Need a brown bean fix? No, sir.
I wouldn't want to O.
D.
Yeah, I've seen the coffee and the damage done myself.
So, you're ready for the annual staff retreat? Uh, sure.
When? Tonight.
Uh-huh.
What is it? Oh, well, you know, once a year, I like to get the staff together at the corporate office, lock the doors, and kick around some ideas.
Well, don't you think we should give the staff a little more time to prepare for something like that? Well, I thought everyone knew about it.
Lisa, when's the annual retreat? Tonight.
Right? Right on, right on.
Oh, hey.
Remember last year when we went till, like, oh, Wasn't that a hoot? I wasn't there last year, sir.
Oh, right.
Lisa, wasn't that a hoot? It was a hoot and a half, sir.
A hoot and a half.
I'll tell you.
Talk about a hoot.
That was-- that was a hoot.
Why why didn't you tell me about this retreat? I did tell you.
No, you didn't.
Well, I'm sorry.
I thought I did.
You didn't.
You never told me.
I've got, like, a few hours to prepare.
It's no big deal.
You don't have to prepare.
We just go up there and sit around.
Why don't you just come up with some stuff on the fly? I'm just not very comfortable doing stuff on the fly.
Look, do you have ideas from last year you can show me? No.
Well, last year, I just went up there and came up with some stuff on the fly.
Uh-huh.
Great.
Dave, what did you do in high school when you had a pop quiz? Hyperventilated.
Got a note from the nurse.
Okay, team, let's get going.
Let's get this jamboree rolling.
Uh, Jimmy? Yeah.
Where are we supposed to sit? Huh? Oh.
Well, I had all the furniture removed so we could hunker down, you know, rub some elbows.
Come on, everybody.
Grab some carpet.
Let's go.
Mr.
James, aren't you going to sit down on the floor with us? No, thanks.
Carol, yeah.
Yeah.
Go ahead and bring in some pencils, pads for the guys, please? Jimmy.
Recognized.
My ass hurts.
Okay, Carol, bring in some cushions too.
Bill's ass hurts.
Hey, what's up? Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Joe, here.
I saved you a seat right here.
Okey-doke, is everybody ready to, uh, do it to it? Just one second.
Okay, I'm ready.
You just whipped those up on the fly, did you? Dave and I are going to need a few seconds to set our stuff up as well.
Thank you.
One, two, three cards.
Okay, Dave, you're the leader of this ragtag bunch, so go ahead and stroke me, Stokely.
All right, sir.
Thank you, Beth.
Thank you.
Uh, I was thinking we could devote half an hour every afternoon to a live call-in show, in which-- Oh.
Oh.
In which the listeners of our station could air their complaints about living in the city.
We could call it "Sound off, New York.
" Uh-huh.
Hmm Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
I like it.
I think it's a winner.
Lisa? I'm not sure.
Hmm? What aren't you sure about? Well, we are a news station, and, I mean, as interesting as a call-in show is, it'sit's not news.
Dave? Well, maybe, but perhaps it will give our listeners a chance to feel more involved with the station.
Lisa? People listen to us so that they can be updated on news, traffic, and weather, and if we start changing that programming, they might just turn the dial to another station and quite possibly never turn it back.
At least, that's my opinion.
Sir, this just came in for you.
Excuse me, Carol, didn't I say no interruptions? Lisa was just about to drop some science on us.
I'm sorry, sir.
All right.
On your way out, just lock the door, turn off the phones.
No one comes, no one goes.
You hear me? Yes, sir.
Okay, retreat's over.
I thought this was supposed to be an all-nighter.
Well, it was, but Paul Simon's doing a surprise gig down at the Bottom Line, so Oh, I love his music.
Yeah, I don't, but I do have a line of snow tires I want him to endorse.
That's it for today, people.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Class is dismissed.
Umare you hungry? No, no, I'm feeling pretty tired.
I'll probably just, you know, head straight home, pick something up on the fly.
Where's my cane? It was hanging right here.
Has anyone seen my cane? I'm talking to you people! I walked in, tap, tap, tap, took off my coat, tap, tap, tap, then hung my-- I didn't take it, Bill.
Then where is it? I don't know.
Maybe it took itself out for a stroll.
We both know you took my cane.
When you deny it, you insult not only me but yourself as well, and, of course, my cane.
Trust me, my friend.
Me and my cane, when I find it, will find you, and you get the idea.
What? Hello, people.
Sorry.
Sorry I had to cut things short last night.
So how did your talk with Paul Simon go? Oh, not so good.
I think the world's going to have to wait fora hazy shade of whitewalls.
Anyway, who's got something? Joe.
We could set up a fully interactive on-line web site for our listeners.
Good.
Anyone else? Bill.
An immediate and comprehensive probe into the disappearance of office canes.
Okay.
Matthew? My idea is that I think a fully interactive on-line web site is stupid.
Zap.
All right.
Lisa.
Um, okay, well, this one is just a quickie, but I think we should start doing morning subway updates on the quarter hour so people can listen to us before they catch their trains.
A quickie, but I likey.
Dave? Uh, yeah, well to be honest, I can't say I love it.
Really? Mm-mmm.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Um, and why is that? Well, uh, I it just doesn't feel like our station, you know? And what exactly does our station feel like? Well, I just think that subway updates are really going to interfere with the hard news.
Well, sometimes I take the subway, and I always thought-- Thank you, Matthew.
Bill, do you have anything to add? Yes.
Dave stole my cane, and my ass still hurts.
Okay.
does anyone, anyone, have anything positive to contribute? Yes.
I do.
Of course, I'm not sure if it feels like our station, but, you know, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
Okay.
That's it.
That's it.
That's enough, folks.
I think we'll call it a night.
There's enough bad vibes in this room to run a hoodoo factory.
Come on, let's go.
You're being kind of a jerk about this.
I'm sorry.
What? Could you speak up? I didn't hear that.
[MUMBLING.]
Sorry, what, sir? What? Oh, nothing.
I was just getting in on the fun.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Catherine, just give me the jar.
Let me see it.
Give me the jar.
I can take it.
Catherine Catherine Let me see it.
Catherine, just give me the jar.
It's stuck.
Hi, kids.
Ha.
The bottle opener has disappeared.
How are you going to open a bottle without a bottle opener? Come here.
Do you have some keys? Yeah.
House key or car key, anything.
Impressive.
I'm assuming you dated a lot of frat guys.
Da, da, da, da Dum, dum, dum Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot.
I can't find the can opener.
How am I going to open up these two cans of beans if I can't find the can opener? Well, I'm just going to put these right there.
I'm going to look for the can opener out by the coffee.
What the hell does Matthew need with two tins of beans anyway? What are they doing? Laughing at us.
I didn't know we were so obvious.
Oh, no.
Us? No, no, we're smooth as silk.
Oh, guess what? My phone broke.
I can see that.
Well, Joseph, your job is to fix things when they break, right? Or am I just That's right.
Good, because I'd like you to fix my phone now, please.
What's your problem, huh? How far do you think you can push me before I push you back? Okay.
You know what? I just need to know why you don't like me.
It's not that I don't like you.
I'd just like you a lot more if you weren't bugging me all the time.
Bugging? You know, what you call "bugging," other people call "communicating.
" Well, I don't want to communicate with you.
Look, I'm the kind of person that needs to share my feelings.
Well, I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to be bugged.
And I'm a little bit country.
Ha ha.
Come on.
Dude, you're a freak.
And you're a little bit rock 'n' roll.
Leave me alone, man.
I don't want to talk to you.
Hey, kids, come on in.
Hey.
Hey, Mr.
-- Mr.
James? Yep.
Where's everybody else? They are no longer relevant to the process.
Carol? Yeah, go ahead and lock the doors, and if you hear any yelling and screaming, just leave us alone.
Yeah.
All right.
Go ahead.
Come on.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
Let's go.
Lisa, fire away.
Okay, well, I guess first, I had a thought that if we switched from pre-taped station IDs, to live ones, we could save enough time to have a new two-minute feature every hour.
Dave? Dig in.
I think it's a terrific idea.
And he comes out swinging.
Look out, Lisa-- wait a minute.
What did you say? I think it's a terrific idea.
Oh, you do, do you? I think we should implement it immediately.
Oh, well, okay.
You got any ideas of your own? Uh, yes, I do.
I thought we could teach Matthew how to produce his own segments.
This was my idea, but Lisa really helped me to really flush it out.
No, I made one or two very minor-- No, they were key points.
Aww, gee.
What the hell kind of fun is this? I'm all geared up for kick boxing, and you give me synchronized swimming.
Well, Dave and I decided that we could get a lot more accomplished if we worked with each other instead of against each other.
So what you're saying to me is that because of your personal relationship, You see the value in non-competitive cooperation.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, that may work wonders in the bedroom, but I tell you what.
Do me a favor.
Keep that kind of crap out of my office.
Uh, well, for the record, sir, we really do try to keep our personal and professional lives completely separate.
Yeah, and I try to keep my dogs off the sofa, but do you know what makes this country great? What? What? I don't know, but I do know this.
If Henry Ford and John Chrysler had been sleeping together, hell, we'd be all traveling around in horse buggies.
I hired you two guys because you are fighters, not lovers.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, I'm sure that I could come up with one or two ideas that Dave is not crazy about.
All right.
I'll tell you what, kids.
I got to get out of here.
Where are you going, sir? I don't know.
I guess I'll go downstairs, see if I can find a bar fight.
All right.
How angry are those ideas going to make me? I don't know.
Maybe we should go back to your place and talk about it.
Mm-hmm.
Are we going to fight? Something like that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
No hanky-panky on the desk.
I got cameras.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I do know if Henry Ford and John Chrysler had spent all their time bickering, we'd still be driving around in a horse and buggy.
Um, who--who's John Chrysler? Theguy that invented the Chrysler? There's no such person as John Chrysler.
Oh, no, no.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Is he, by any chance, related to Jack Chevrolet? Look, look, you guys get the point I'm trying to make, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, great.
Thanks.
John Chrysler.
Matthew We're not laughing at you, boss.
Come on, we'd better get out of here, dude.
hey, give my regards to Bill Pontiac.
Dave.
Oh, Bill.
Great.
I wanted to apologize for accusing you of stealing my cane.
Uh-huh.
Although we've only worked together a short amount of time, I've always known you to be fair and honest.
Now, those are good qualities, Dave, and I hope you never lose them.
Bill, it's not under my couch.
Maybe not under the edge of the couch.
Where is it? Where's my cane? Okay, Bill.
For the last time, I did not take your cane.
What's under here? It feels hollow.
Bill, you're aware that you're making an ass of yourself.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I guess my cane is lost, and I'll just have to accept that and get on with my life.
You stepped in front of the window.
I did what? When I moved to the door, you moved in front of the window as if you were protecting something.
Okay, Bill, I'm asking you to leave.
You taped it to the side of the building or under the windowsill.
I read your book, you magnificent bastard.
Okay, Bill, I am now ordering you to leave.
I'll leave, but first, I'm looking out that window.
Bill, you're going to feel pretty stupid when it's not out there.
It's out there.
I know it's out there.
Bill Yes, Dave? I stole your cane.
Bill, I, I [RIP.]
I'm sorry, Bill.
I don't know why I did it, and again, I'm sorry, Bill.
That is the most childish, immature thing I've ever seen you do.
No, this is.
Ah, but you knew I was going to do that.
No, that one caught me by surprise.
Oh.
Oh, well, uh what do we do now? Start behaving like adults.
An excellent suggestion.
Then we're of one mind.
Mm-hmm.
You do realize I'm just going to go and buy another cane, don't you? Yeah, and I'm just going to steal it again.
Touché.
Beth? Here's one you can take right now.
This one you can break later.
Here's one for the Hamptons.
This one I like.
I keep.
This one displeases me.
[.]