Offspring (2010) s02e09 Episode Script
Just Keep Talking
Billie, why are you protecting your belly? 'Cause there's a baby in there.
What are you doing here, Mick? You need money? - Straightaway you assume I need money.
- Well, you do have a track record.
Flings, I'm very good at flings.
Is that what Martin Clegg is? A fling? I don't know what he is.
Oh, everyone, this is Phil.
- Dad! - Darcy.
You all seem very very cosy.
- Here.
- Thank you.
- Let me.
- Wendy.
- Wendy Nielsen.
- How do you do? - Ooh! Hi! - What you looking for? Drugs.
No needles, no vials, no patches.
No, you weren't looking.
We have sex and then suddenly the walls come up.
I know what I'm like, OK? I-I've had a number of difficult relationships in my life, and I really don't want another one.
Then that's that.
Fine.
Goodbye.
- Hello.
- Ooh! - What are you looking for? - Oh, just the usual.
Revealing ointments, leftover girlfriends, ex-wives.
Anything, really.
Oh, well, let me know if you find a bathplug while you're there.
Mmm.
You can't change it.
Just let it go, Nina.
Pretend it never happened.
The best way to handle rejection's to put it in the past.
Why is it so quiet? No missed calls.
No messages.
No apologies.
Better not to expect apologies.
Yeah.
Oh, Nina.
I was completely out of line.
I've barely slept.
The truth is I'm already halfway to falling in love with you.
- Oh, did you want to get that? - It's not my phone.
Ah! - Excuse me? - Your phone's been disconnected.
My phone hasn't been disconnected.
I have a plan.
Yeah, you and your plan have been disconnected.
Sorry, calls cannot be made from this number.
Please contact your service provider.
Neens, I think I'm having twins.
What?! You're not even 12 weeks, Billie.
It's a little bit early to tell.
No, Neens, Neens, I have five out of the possible six top signs.
Well, four and a half, 'cause the last sign is a history of twins/hunches and I can't remember whether Dad's uncle was a twin, but I have a hunch, so that's really five out of the possible six top signs.
Sorry, calls cannot be made from this number.
I've been disconnected? I've been disconnected! I can't be disconnected! I'm a I'm a doctor.
What if there's a life or death situation? Neens, Neens, it's OK, I found you, didn't I? And you're probably not even on call.
And don't you have, like, one of those pagery things, anyway? Yeah! Yeah, so, Neens, do you think you would be able to squeeze me in for a sneaky ultrasound? I don't have an ultrasound on me at the moment, Billie, I've gotta go and sort out my phone.
I'll call you later.
How? What if he rang to apologise? He didn't.
But what if he did? There's the outstanding amount of $1,278.
No.
See, I heard you the first time, but that's not possible.
- I have on my screen - Nina, I need your help.
Downloaded 20 hours of movies.
Regardless of what it says, Suni, I can tell you categorically I have not downloaded - Do you mind holding? - Yes, I do mind holding.
- I'm on hold.
- Excellent.
I need a draft report on the triplet C-section you did last month - Mm-hm.
- .
.
With Patrick.
You and Patrick, together.
In the name of interdisciplinary teamwork.
How does Patrick feel about this? He has expressed some reluctance, but I have complete faith in your ability to convince him.
- Two heads are better than one.
- Hello, this is Heather.
- No, yes, no.
- Excellent.
- No, no, no.
No! - I'll leave that in your capable hands.
- Hello? - Yes, hello, yes, I'm here.
Can I have your account number, please? No, you cannot have my account number, because I don't have it.
Proudman - P-R-O-U-D-M-A-N, Nina.
And your password? I've already been through all this with Dennis.
We do need the information.
I realise that, Heather, but when I spoke with Suni I'm sorry, is this some kind of joke, because I've never even heard of 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force'.
To the home.
Ooh.
Clegg's like a giant, hungry kid.
And that that's a good thing? When he was first born, Ray would look at his little hands and think they were someone else's.
Then whenever I see him discover a part of himself for the first time, I get to discover it too.
It's a bit like that with Clegg.
Oh, for fu Collaborating on a report while feeling emotionally bruised, it's so humiliating.
If only there was a way to tune out, go numb, turn down the volume on the hurt and the anger and the - Morning.
- M-morning.
Looks like back-to-back D&Cs all day.
Terrific.
Be dignified.
Don't let him see the pain.
It looks pretty straightforward.
Well, from my end, anyway.
Well, I'm glad it's all within acceptable parameters to you.
- Unlike the report, apparently.
- Sorry? I think we both know we don't have a choice.
Martin told me you were uncomfortable with the idea of working with me.
Aren't you? Of course.
But I have enough social grace to hide it.
I thought we went past social graces when you went ferreting through my house looking for drugs.
OK, I'm I'm not gonna apologise for that again.
We've clearly insulted each other beyond any personal repair but we have an obligation to our patients to pretend to get along, so I suggest you find a way of getting over yourself and getting on with your job.
And I don't care if you don't like me.
For what it's worth, I wish I'd never had sex with you three times.
Sorry, just letting you know the patient's prepped.
We're right when you are.
Yep, dignified.
Why are we stopping? I'm starving.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, you gonna lie to our kids like that? Only if it's for their own good.
Check out this house! We're not supposed to be looking yet? We're not looking.
Billie! OK, we're looking.
I know.
You're so hungry you could eat your own kneecaps.
Just a five-minute quick look, please? Hi.
Hi.
Welcome.
Thank you.
We could both fit in here.
I thought we were just looking.
Let's go out here.
I can actually see myself cooking in this kitchen.
Billie, it's awesome but can we afford a place like this? Oh! Oh, my God.
Is that a cubbyhouse? And now it's time for you to talk, ladies and gentlemen.
Where do I see an opening bid? There are only two serious contenders there's the dumpy lady with the stick and the overly groomed aviators.
As I said before, opportunities like this do not come along every day.
How come no-one's bidding? Shh.
Well, I can see we're suffering from just a little performance anxiety, ladies and gentlemen, so I'm going to kick off with an opening vendor's bid of $650,000.
$650,000 for this sensational three-bedroom family home.
$655,000.
At $655,000.
But now it's $655,000.
At 6 $660,000, sir? $665,000.
$665,000, madam.
Thank you, at $665,000.
$675,000.
A $675,000 bid.
Back in again.
$685,000.
$685,000, sir.
At $685,000.
All told $690,000.
$695,000.
$695,000 it is.
At $695,000 $696,000.
Oh, takes the one $700,000.
$700,000 it is.
At $700,000 bid now agin you, madam.
At $700,000 First call.
Calling twice at $700,000.
Sold! To the farmer and his lovely wife.
Congratulations.
All done, Sarah.
Everything went really well.
Michelle's just going to take you down to Recovery, OK? Your husband's waiting for you to take you home.
Thanks.
With this report, maybe we should just meet at a restaurant.
Oh, I don't think I could focus in a crowded restaurant.
- Fair enough.
- Why don't we just do it at your place? Where did that come from? I don't think I could focus at my place.
No.
Well, there's always the hospital.
What's wrong with your place? Nothing.
Nothing's wrong with my place.
- OK.
OK.
- OK.
- Let's do it at your place.
- Great.
How about we say 6:30? Or 6:00 would be better, wouldn't it? No, let's say 6:30, or 6:00.
What? How do you get out of the house in the mornings? I beg your pardon? Your process, it's just so time-consuming.
Are you actually trying to confuse yourself? Sorry, but I don't think I need to apologise for thinking a decision through before I make it.
You do know that there is probably something clinically wrong with you.
Right.
That your professional opinion, is it? Obviously I'm not qualified to give an official diagnosis.
There could be many things.
None good.
- Fuck you.
- Could be Tourette's.
What have we just done? It's alright for you.
You don't know any better.
I'm a real estate agent, for Christ's sakes.
We just bought a $700,000 house.
We can't even cover that cheque we just gave them, can we? Not completely.
I can't breathe.
OK, it's not ideal, but we can do this.
Look, we can't do this, and we've already done it! We just need to worry about covering the deposit.
Now, we already have 30 grand, we just need to find another 40 by Monday.
We don't have that kind of money.
We don't even know people with that kind of money! If we did, we'd be completely different people! We'd be Nina and Andrew.
No.
Divide and conquer.
I'll do Nina, you do Andrew.
- No! - Give me another option.
I can't feel my toes.
Give me any other option! Do you know what it costs me to ask him for his stuff? - My balls will actually physically shrivel up.
- I understand.
No, they will enter my gut, completely severing the last thread of my relationship with my manhood.
I know, and I will vomit in my mouth and I will swallow it, because I am somebody's mother now.
And we don't have any other option.
We should do it in person.
It's harder to say no to a weeping sibling in person.
Mmm.
Ooh.
I can't believe I slept in.
I never sleep during the day.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Ooh.
- I know what you're thinking.
- Ah? And, yes, this is as difficult as it looks.
It's all about consistency.
It's not easy.
Ha! Ooh! But the results are fairly self-evident.
Mmm.
- I think I like the sound of Wendy.
- Oh, there's a lot to like.
Maybe that's why I'm a bit nervous.
She's a really accomplished woman.
And you're a very accomplished man.
I mean, first dates freak everyone out.
Just be your charming self and she will be putty in your hands.
Thanks, Cherie.
I'm glad I've got you in my life.
Me too.
Forgive me.
I was, um Do you have a moment? Mm-hm.
Can I get you a tea or coffee? No, thanks.
A glass of water? I'm fine.
Right.
Um Yes, um Hmm.
Uh, the reason I've called you here is to discuss the immediate cessation of our mutually agreeable sexual exchanges.
Your actions before were atypical.
The moments of affection graph.
I think you'll agree the data is fairly difficult to misinterpret.
Again, quite a quite a disparity, as you can see.
Uh, work rate.
I'd like to point out that this was not the deciding factor.
So at my peak, I was 75%, and now I'm putting in Is that 10%? Uh, yes, that's right.
I'm afraid, um You see, I'm afraid that, uh, all indicators are swerving away from the the safe zone.
Right.
It's not that I don't appreciate the effort, it's just the polite thing to do is take someone out to dinner, get them drunk, say something nice about them, and then break up with them.
It's a courtesy thing.
Oh.
Shall we do that, then? Notepads, pens, water, mints.
OK, all good.
Should I have de-owled? No, absolutely not.
I do not have to apologise for who I am.
I don't give a stuff what he thinks! Do those candlesticks say 'romance'? Well, so what if they do? They're not saying it to Patrick.
Hi.
You're early.
I thought I was right on time.
No, we said 6:30.
Actually, you said 6:00, but I can come back in half an hour No, it's fine.
Come in.
I'm sure we said 6:30, but come in.
It's a great place.
Thanks.
Oh, they were a gift.
They were a gift from a very dear vision-impaired friend.
Yeah.
Would you like a glass of water? Sure.
This is it's great.
Very considered.
Hey, I'm not here and I'm not staying.
Oh, Jimmy.
This is my brother, Patrick.
Patrick, this is my l mean, colleague, Patrick.
This is Jimmy, my brother.
Great to meet you, mate.
I'll just grab a couple of things and get out.
Could you just give me one minute? - Hey, Jimmy.
- Hey, Neens.
- My phone's been disconnected.
- Oh, yeah? You know, it happened today.
I just spent most of the day trying to work it out.
That's why I don't bother with internet accounts.
So you've never heard of 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force'? Oh, for the love of God, Heather! What, are you deaf or are you just a complete moron? I was self-righteous and indignant and abusive.
- I was abusive! - I'm sorry, I kept on missing it on the telly.
It's groundbreaking.
I hope it is, I hope it's groundbreaking enough to compensate you to the tune of $1,300, because I'm not paying for it! Great to meet you, Paddy.
Sorry about that.
Where were we? - Are you sufficiently inebriated? - I am.
Excellent.
- Thank you.
- Lovely, thank you.
Oh uh, Cherie, I've invited you here with a view to actioning the disadmission of our Are you reading this? No.
I'm relatively unprepared.
'Cause reading would defeat the purpose.
- I'm not reading it.
- Go on, then.
I'm well aware that my peculiarities are somewhat distancing and the service you have done me in traversing said distance has been a gift, Cherie.
A gift that will echo in my memory for the remainder of my life.
Oh that's However, I have accepted the inevitable conclusion that should our arrangement be allowed to continue, you will almost certainly, and without baleful intention, but you will you you will break my heart.
Yes.
You are truly luminous, Cherie.
And you have touched me in ways Yeah, let's, uh, wind it up there.
That was mostly really beautiful.
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
No, thank thank you.
Spi-nal epi-dural ad-mini-stered at 3:20pm.
It was 3:25.
No, it was 3:20.
Well, I administered it, and my notes Oh, my notes say 3:25.
Can we just agree that it was administered between 3:20 and 3:25? Sure.
But it was 3:25.
Sorry.
OK.
Spinal epidural administered with good eff-ect.
Could you slow down? I'm just having trouble keeping up.
- No-one likes a smart-arse, Patrick.
- I do.
You don't count, because you're a smart-arse.
Ah.
If you think you can do better, then, please, by all means.
You snide sonofa Injected into epidural catheter located epidural space L3/L4.
Response noted, and intermittent bolus administration thereafter.
Are you hungry at all? Not really.
I'm starving.
I could eat.
Takeaway? You choose.
I can't believe your phone's still disconnected.
- Oh, hi.
Hmm.
- Oh.
Uh, Patrick, this is my sister, Billie.
Billie, this is my colleague, Patrick.
- Oh, hello, Patrick.
- Hi.
I'm just Uh, Neens - Where did he come from? - Well, the hospital.
Where else would my colleague come from? I'll let that go for now, 'cause I need to talk to you.
- I'll need to know more later.
I thought he was a bit curt.
- Shh! He's quite hot, though.
Are you sexing him? Billie, I've had a really long day, and I'm actually trying to work.
OK, Neens, this thing, it's slightly more important than Punjabi.
So, please? Uh, just order whatever you like.
I'll just be back in a minute.
Well, the nausea should be calming down a bit by now.
You'd think so.
We just have to get through the first trimester.
- We'll be right.
- Yeah.
Listen, there's something I need to ask you.
- Hmm? - And it's uh It's pretty big.
Bigger than impregnating your girlfriend with my gear? On par.
- You need a kidney.
- What? No, no, I don't need a kidney.
Bone marrow? Listen, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable if the answer's no.
Mick, we are so far past 'uncomfortable'.
Can you just spit this out? Is there any chance I could borrow 20 grand? I want you to know that this is not an easy conversation for me to have.
And there is a chance that I may vomit at some point.
Mick and I accidentally bought a 700K house this afternoon.
Could have happened to anyone.
It happened to us.
So we may have signed a cheque for 70 grand.
We don't have 70 grand.
We have 30 grand.
Stay with me.
I'm not asking you for the lot, and Mick's hitting Andrew up for half as we speak, and I know 20 grand is a shitload of money, because I know how hard it was to save 30, but if you do this for me, I promise I will never ask another thing of you as long as I live, and I will name this baby after you.
Even if it's a boy.
Nina! Nina, stop chasing your brother, please.
Can I borrow20 grand? Please? You and Mick accidentally bought a $700,000 house.
- Yeah.
- No.
No, Billie.
People accidentally buy too many plums, or the wrong size socks, they don't accidentally buy $700,000 houses.
I mean, what were you thinking? You you can't just go and buy a house.
You of all people know that.
I know, I know, this is huge.
Huge, Neens, I know, but it's nowhere as big as this.
Ooh.
You know I can't say no.
Because you're somebody's aunty? So you're you're saying yes? You're saying yes! I love you.
Mick loves you.
The baby loves you.
OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Stop kissing me.
I love you! I know.
Ow! Oh, sorry! It's alright.
I'll fix it.
Stop it.
Love you.
Stop it! Thank you.
OK.
Oh! Billie! Alright.
I love you! Nothing to worry about.
It's only money.
Ow! Get up! Just I don't really need to know this now.
- Are you OK? - Yeah, of course.
- Friends of yours? - Um, not exactly.
He's my competition.
A fellow agent often vying for the same piece of real estate.
Was that Spanish? Si! I didn't know he spoke Spanish.
- God, I love this song.
- Yeah, it's great, isn't it? - No, that's what he said.
- Oh, right.
Do they look intimate to you? Uh, I don't understand.
Well, uh, I've been known to misinterpret body language.
They look pretty intimate to me.
Then again, they are doing the Latin dance of passion.
Yeah.
Maybe they're just - Oh.
- Hard to misinterpret that.
Look, I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just suggesting on some level, that you find it easier to get lost in your family's needs than meet your own.
Oh, excuse me? What would you know about my needs? You have no right to an opinion about any part of me, Patrick.
Fine.
You can't just discard people then expect them to give a shit what you think.
I was just making an observation.
Well, I'm not interested in your observations about me.
- I've been taking care of my own needs for a long time.
- I find that hard to believe.
I don't care what you think.
I think you do.
I think you're the most arrogant man I've ever met.
I find that hard to believe too.
I cannot believe any woman would Well, one woman did.
She chose to marry me.
We're divorced now.
So am I.
Good.
So is your ex-wife Jodie.
Lives in Perth with her new husband and baby.
Yours? Oh, Brendan's probably an outpatient by now.
Good.
- Oh, hi, Dad.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- I did call before - Did you? But the phone was dead.
- Yeah, it's been disconnected.
Yeah, I know, I spoke to Billie.
You should set up a direct debit system Oh, Dad, this is Patrick, my colleague.
- Oh.
- Patrick, this is my father, Darcy.
Patrick.
- We're just trying to work, Dad.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, look, I don't want to interrupt anything, but I've just spotted something potentially very, very upsetting to your mother.
Oh.
What do you mean? Well, I was just at the Spanish Club with Wendy, and, uh, we were starting to connect pretty well.
She's really quite a captivating woman.
Oh, the point, Dad? Well, I saw Phil D'Arabont.
He's a local real estate agent.
Dad, the point? He was dancing with and kissing an attractive woman who was not your mother.
Oh, well He's also dating Nina's mother, who also happens to be my wife.
- Soon to be ex-wife.
- Yeah, exactly.
Which is why I shouldn't really be the one to tell her that she's not an exclusive listing, if you know what I mean.
Oh.
Well, Dad, I can't I can't help you right now.
But don't you think your mother would want to know, um? Ah, Dad, I'm not responsible for solving this family's many and varied problems.
It's late, she's probably already curled up with a book by now.
If you hightail it over there, you might just catch her before the special tea kicks in.
- Maybe if you just - Goodnight, Dad.
Right.
Lovely to meet you, Patrick.
You too.
Well - He seems really nice, love.
- Oh, I don't like him.
- Oh.
- Night-night.
Night, honey.
- How long ago did you order? - I didn't.
What?! I've been waiting for a suitable break in the Proudman festivities.
- It's my family, it's not a sideshow.
- I didn't mean to This is my home, it's where I live my life.
- My family come and go as they please.
- I like it.
That why you've been trying to get rid of them? No, I've been trying to get rid of them so they don't see me with you.
Fine.
Should we just order some food? Do you ever get sick of being so cocky and pithy? - You know, when you get angry you say strange words? - You're exasperating! You give me the shits.
- Obviously, Nina, right now you're just trying to pick a fight with me.
- You're a coward.
I'm just trying to live my life without causing any pain.
Well, it's not working! I don't always do the right thing, I don't always make the right decisions.
- Neither do I.
- There, you make mistakes.
No, that's a cop-out! You think admitting to a problem is the same as doing something about it, and it's not! - Nina - And so you reject me and hurt me.
And you're the one who's terrified of getting involved and feeling anything, and it's not fair.
- Do you remember seeing one? - I don't know.
- It was such a blur.
- I can't live without a laundry.
I can't live there with a baby without a spin cycle.
They've got pictures of everything except a laundry.
- It's like they're hiding something.
- You're sounding a bit pregnant.
- What the fuck does that mean? - I I What? It's him, it's him.
G'day, mate.
How you going? Really? You sure? Shit, that's great, that's great.
That is so great.
Thank you.
You have no idea how much this means, mate.
Thank you.
OK, yep, sure.
We'll talk.
OK.
OK, bye.
He couldn't talk, he had to go.
He didn't even need to think about it.
- He said yes? - He said yes.
- He said yes! - He said yes.
- We're homeowners! - Yes! We're pregnant fucking homeowners! - Hello! - Oh! - I come bearing gifts.
- Oh! Mmm! Oh, that's good.
- Ooh, what's in the bag? - Croissants.
Ah! So what have you done? Nothing.
Just an impromptu visit, is it? - The sugar and caffeine sweetener? - Mm-hm.
Mmm.
So, um how are things going with you and Phil? - I see.
- Are the two of you still, um - Seeing each other? Yep.
- Mmm.
I'm afraid we are.
Look, I understand this is a bit difficult for you, Darcy, but really, you shouldn't let it bother you.
Oh, look Look, I don't I'm It's not that it bothers me Well, it does, actually, but that's not the point.
Is there a point? Did you know he speaks Spanish? And French and Italian and Afrikaans.
Right.
Well, he also dances with other women.
I saw him last night dancing with another woman.
And? And kissing.
And you're telling me this because? I just wanted to be sure that you knew.
I needed your protection when we were married, Darcy.
I-I don't need it now.
And do you really think I'd be stupid enough to expect fidelity from a man like Phil D'Arabont? Well Mmm.
Good morning.
Sorry.
Nah, it was me.
Was it? Mm-mm.
I just Stop.
I don't know what this is.
You and me.
Yeah, neither do I.
I think we should You look really good in a towel.
Not too shabby yourself.
You look good out of a towel too.
Shit! Breakfast.
Is that Zara? Yeah.
Shit! What are you saying shit for? I don't want Zara to know.
Well, what? That you slept with a clinically challenged person? God, I don't want Zara to know.
That you slept with a junkie.
No, it's not that.
Just Shit! I'll slip out the door.
No, no, no, it's too late.
There's no time.
We had to finish a report, it got too late, so you had to stay here.
Get on the couch.
Morning.
Oh, good morning.
Hi, Zara.
I didn't know you were here.
We were working.
On the triplets report.
All night.
Hard work.
On the couch.
Good morning.
How can anyone be expected to work all night long and save lives all day? Doesn't Clegg realise that you two are doctors, for goodness sakes? I mean, talk about unrealistic expectations.
Exactly.
Any chance I can get a lift to work with you? Yep.
So how come you two are writing a report together? Uh, Clegg asked us to write a report on the triplets that we delivered recently.
- Remember? - I do.
I'm just trying to understand why an anaesthetist and an obstetrician would be writing a report together.
- Is that standard? - No, it's Clegg.
He's trying to encourage more interdisciplinary teamwork.
Oh.
Is that working? As a matter of fact, it is.
Hey, thanks for the lift.
Oh, and off the record, I had no idea the walls in your apartment were so thin.
I just wanted to apologise for anything you might have heard over the past few weeks.
Oh, Billie! - Hi, Nina.
- Hi, Mick.
Hey! Ooh, God! - You're hurting me.
- It's official.
Mick and I are the proud owners of 25 Shirley Street, Collingwood, and it's thanks to you.
Thank you.
You're hurting me.
Sorry.
It's just we have a cubbyhouse now, because of you.
- Cubbyhouse? - And a proper laundry.
With a cupboard and a sink.
You two have come such a long way.
- You're an arsehole! - You're a psycho! Hey, I could probably sneak you in for that ultrasound now, if you like.
Yeah? We couldn't remember if there was a laundry or not.
Neens, it is so much better than I remembered.
It's got these two toilets My big sister with a grown-up mortgage.
- Going to be somebody's mum.
- .
.
Amazing bath.
I swear, as soon as I walked in, I knew.
Like, it was like my instincts went through the roof.
- Like, it felt like home, didn't it? - Yeah, totally.
And and it reminds me of Mum's place in a weird kind of way.
You know the way you walk into it, and feel instantly at home? Just keep talking, Billie, please don't stop talking, so I don't have to start.
And it's just it's big, and There's no heartbeat.
The baby's size suggests that it stopped growing very recently.
Probably in the last week.
But I I didn't feel - Oh.
- There's no way you could've known.
Oh! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
There's no reason, there's no warning, and there's absolutely nothing anyone can say or do.
Hi.
Yep.
Nothing can prepare you for how wrong some silences are.
Hey, Neens.
What? I could just pretend I didn't hear it.
Patrick! Thank you.
What are you doing here, Mick? You need money? - Straightaway you assume I need money.
- Well, you do have a track record.
Flings, I'm very good at flings.
Is that what Martin Clegg is? A fling? I don't know what he is.
Oh, everyone, this is Phil.
- Dad! - Darcy.
You all seem very very cosy.
- Here.
- Thank you.
- Let me.
- Wendy.
- Wendy Nielsen.
- How do you do? - Ooh! Hi! - What you looking for? Drugs.
No needles, no vials, no patches.
No, you weren't looking.
We have sex and then suddenly the walls come up.
I know what I'm like, OK? I-I've had a number of difficult relationships in my life, and I really don't want another one.
Then that's that.
Fine.
Goodbye.
- Hello.
- Ooh! - What are you looking for? - Oh, just the usual.
Revealing ointments, leftover girlfriends, ex-wives.
Anything, really.
Oh, well, let me know if you find a bathplug while you're there.
Mmm.
You can't change it.
Just let it go, Nina.
Pretend it never happened.
The best way to handle rejection's to put it in the past.
Why is it so quiet? No missed calls.
No messages.
No apologies.
Better not to expect apologies.
Yeah.
Oh, Nina.
I was completely out of line.
I've barely slept.
The truth is I'm already halfway to falling in love with you.
- Oh, did you want to get that? - It's not my phone.
Ah! - Excuse me? - Your phone's been disconnected.
My phone hasn't been disconnected.
I have a plan.
Yeah, you and your plan have been disconnected.
Sorry, calls cannot be made from this number.
Please contact your service provider.
Neens, I think I'm having twins.
What?! You're not even 12 weeks, Billie.
It's a little bit early to tell.
No, Neens, Neens, I have five out of the possible six top signs.
Well, four and a half, 'cause the last sign is a history of twins/hunches and I can't remember whether Dad's uncle was a twin, but I have a hunch, so that's really five out of the possible six top signs.
Sorry, calls cannot be made from this number.
I've been disconnected? I've been disconnected! I can't be disconnected! I'm a I'm a doctor.
What if there's a life or death situation? Neens, Neens, it's OK, I found you, didn't I? And you're probably not even on call.
And don't you have, like, one of those pagery things, anyway? Yeah! Yeah, so, Neens, do you think you would be able to squeeze me in for a sneaky ultrasound? I don't have an ultrasound on me at the moment, Billie, I've gotta go and sort out my phone.
I'll call you later.
How? What if he rang to apologise? He didn't.
But what if he did? There's the outstanding amount of $1,278.
No.
See, I heard you the first time, but that's not possible.
- I have on my screen - Nina, I need your help.
Downloaded 20 hours of movies.
Regardless of what it says, Suni, I can tell you categorically I have not downloaded - Do you mind holding? - Yes, I do mind holding.
- I'm on hold.
- Excellent.
I need a draft report on the triplet C-section you did last month - Mm-hm.
- .
.
With Patrick.
You and Patrick, together.
In the name of interdisciplinary teamwork.
How does Patrick feel about this? He has expressed some reluctance, but I have complete faith in your ability to convince him.
- Two heads are better than one.
- Hello, this is Heather.
- No, yes, no.
- Excellent.
- No, no, no.
No! - I'll leave that in your capable hands.
- Hello? - Yes, hello, yes, I'm here.
Can I have your account number, please? No, you cannot have my account number, because I don't have it.
Proudman - P-R-O-U-D-M-A-N, Nina.
And your password? I've already been through all this with Dennis.
We do need the information.
I realise that, Heather, but when I spoke with Suni I'm sorry, is this some kind of joke, because I've never even heard of 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force'.
To the home.
Ooh.
Clegg's like a giant, hungry kid.
And that that's a good thing? When he was first born, Ray would look at his little hands and think they were someone else's.
Then whenever I see him discover a part of himself for the first time, I get to discover it too.
It's a bit like that with Clegg.
Oh, for fu Collaborating on a report while feeling emotionally bruised, it's so humiliating.
If only there was a way to tune out, go numb, turn down the volume on the hurt and the anger and the - Morning.
- M-morning.
Looks like back-to-back D&Cs all day.
Terrific.
Be dignified.
Don't let him see the pain.
It looks pretty straightforward.
Well, from my end, anyway.
Well, I'm glad it's all within acceptable parameters to you.
- Unlike the report, apparently.
- Sorry? I think we both know we don't have a choice.
Martin told me you were uncomfortable with the idea of working with me.
Aren't you? Of course.
But I have enough social grace to hide it.
I thought we went past social graces when you went ferreting through my house looking for drugs.
OK, I'm I'm not gonna apologise for that again.
We've clearly insulted each other beyond any personal repair but we have an obligation to our patients to pretend to get along, so I suggest you find a way of getting over yourself and getting on with your job.
And I don't care if you don't like me.
For what it's worth, I wish I'd never had sex with you three times.
Sorry, just letting you know the patient's prepped.
We're right when you are.
Yep, dignified.
Why are we stopping? I'm starving.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, you gonna lie to our kids like that? Only if it's for their own good.
Check out this house! We're not supposed to be looking yet? We're not looking.
Billie! OK, we're looking.
I know.
You're so hungry you could eat your own kneecaps.
Just a five-minute quick look, please? Hi.
Hi.
Welcome.
Thank you.
We could both fit in here.
I thought we were just looking.
Let's go out here.
I can actually see myself cooking in this kitchen.
Billie, it's awesome but can we afford a place like this? Oh! Oh, my God.
Is that a cubbyhouse? And now it's time for you to talk, ladies and gentlemen.
Where do I see an opening bid? There are only two serious contenders there's the dumpy lady with the stick and the overly groomed aviators.
As I said before, opportunities like this do not come along every day.
How come no-one's bidding? Shh.
Well, I can see we're suffering from just a little performance anxiety, ladies and gentlemen, so I'm going to kick off with an opening vendor's bid of $650,000.
$650,000 for this sensational three-bedroom family home.
$655,000.
At $655,000.
But now it's $655,000.
At 6 $660,000, sir? $665,000.
$665,000, madam.
Thank you, at $665,000.
$675,000.
A $675,000 bid.
Back in again.
$685,000.
$685,000, sir.
At $685,000.
All told $690,000.
$695,000.
$695,000 it is.
At $695,000 $696,000.
Oh, takes the one $700,000.
$700,000 it is.
At $700,000 bid now agin you, madam.
At $700,000 First call.
Calling twice at $700,000.
Sold! To the farmer and his lovely wife.
Congratulations.
All done, Sarah.
Everything went really well.
Michelle's just going to take you down to Recovery, OK? Your husband's waiting for you to take you home.
Thanks.
With this report, maybe we should just meet at a restaurant.
Oh, I don't think I could focus in a crowded restaurant.
- Fair enough.
- Why don't we just do it at your place? Where did that come from? I don't think I could focus at my place.
No.
Well, there's always the hospital.
What's wrong with your place? Nothing.
Nothing's wrong with my place.
- OK.
OK.
- OK.
- Let's do it at your place.
- Great.
How about we say 6:30? Or 6:00 would be better, wouldn't it? No, let's say 6:30, or 6:00.
What? How do you get out of the house in the mornings? I beg your pardon? Your process, it's just so time-consuming.
Are you actually trying to confuse yourself? Sorry, but I don't think I need to apologise for thinking a decision through before I make it.
You do know that there is probably something clinically wrong with you.
Right.
That your professional opinion, is it? Obviously I'm not qualified to give an official diagnosis.
There could be many things.
None good.
- Fuck you.
- Could be Tourette's.
What have we just done? It's alright for you.
You don't know any better.
I'm a real estate agent, for Christ's sakes.
We just bought a $700,000 house.
We can't even cover that cheque we just gave them, can we? Not completely.
I can't breathe.
OK, it's not ideal, but we can do this.
Look, we can't do this, and we've already done it! We just need to worry about covering the deposit.
Now, we already have 30 grand, we just need to find another 40 by Monday.
We don't have that kind of money.
We don't even know people with that kind of money! If we did, we'd be completely different people! We'd be Nina and Andrew.
No.
Divide and conquer.
I'll do Nina, you do Andrew.
- No! - Give me another option.
I can't feel my toes.
Give me any other option! Do you know what it costs me to ask him for his stuff? - My balls will actually physically shrivel up.
- I understand.
No, they will enter my gut, completely severing the last thread of my relationship with my manhood.
I know, and I will vomit in my mouth and I will swallow it, because I am somebody's mother now.
And we don't have any other option.
We should do it in person.
It's harder to say no to a weeping sibling in person.
Mmm.
Ooh.
I can't believe I slept in.
I never sleep during the day.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Ooh.
- I know what you're thinking.
- Ah? And, yes, this is as difficult as it looks.
It's all about consistency.
It's not easy.
Ha! Ooh! But the results are fairly self-evident.
Mmm.
- I think I like the sound of Wendy.
- Oh, there's a lot to like.
Maybe that's why I'm a bit nervous.
She's a really accomplished woman.
And you're a very accomplished man.
I mean, first dates freak everyone out.
Just be your charming self and she will be putty in your hands.
Thanks, Cherie.
I'm glad I've got you in my life.
Me too.
Forgive me.
I was, um Do you have a moment? Mm-hm.
Can I get you a tea or coffee? No, thanks.
A glass of water? I'm fine.
Right.
Um Yes, um Hmm.
Uh, the reason I've called you here is to discuss the immediate cessation of our mutually agreeable sexual exchanges.
Your actions before were atypical.
The moments of affection graph.
I think you'll agree the data is fairly difficult to misinterpret.
Again, quite a quite a disparity, as you can see.
Uh, work rate.
I'd like to point out that this was not the deciding factor.
So at my peak, I was 75%, and now I'm putting in Is that 10%? Uh, yes, that's right.
I'm afraid, um You see, I'm afraid that, uh, all indicators are swerving away from the the safe zone.
Right.
It's not that I don't appreciate the effort, it's just the polite thing to do is take someone out to dinner, get them drunk, say something nice about them, and then break up with them.
It's a courtesy thing.
Oh.
Shall we do that, then? Notepads, pens, water, mints.
OK, all good.
Should I have de-owled? No, absolutely not.
I do not have to apologise for who I am.
I don't give a stuff what he thinks! Do those candlesticks say 'romance'? Well, so what if they do? They're not saying it to Patrick.
Hi.
You're early.
I thought I was right on time.
No, we said 6:30.
Actually, you said 6:00, but I can come back in half an hour No, it's fine.
Come in.
I'm sure we said 6:30, but come in.
It's a great place.
Thanks.
Oh, they were a gift.
They were a gift from a very dear vision-impaired friend.
Yeah.
Would you like a glass of water? Sure.
This is it's great.
Very considered.
Hey, I'm not here and I'm not staying.
Oh, Jimmy.
This is my brother, Patrick.
Patrick, this is my l mean, colleague, Patrick.
This is Jimmy, my brother.
Great to meet you, mate.
I'll just grab a couple of things and get out.
Could you just give me one minute? - Hey, Jimmy.
- Hey, Neens.
- My phone's been disconnected.
- Oh, yeah? You know, it happened today.
I just spent most of the day trying to work it out.
That's why I don't bother with internet accounts.
So you've never heard of 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force'? Oh, for the love of God, Heather! What, are you deaf or are you just a complete moron? I was self-righteous and indignant and abusive.
- I was abusive! - I'm sorry, I kept on missing it on the telly.
It's groundbreaking.
I hope it is, I hope it's groundbreaking enough to compensate you to the tune of $1,300, because I'm not paying for it! Great to meet you, Paddy.
Sorry about that.
Where were we? - Are you sufficiently inebriated? - I am.
Excellent.
- Thank you.
- Lovely, thank you.
Oh uh, Cherie, I've invited you here with a view to actioning the disadmission of our Are you reading this? No.
I'm relatively unprepared.
'Cause reading would defeat the purpose.
- I'm not reading it.
- Go on, then.
I'm well aware that my peculiarities are somewhat distancing and the service you have done me in traversing said distance has been a gift, Cherie.
A gift that will echo in my memory for the remainder of my life.
Oh that's However, I have accepted the inevitable conclusion that should our arrangement be allowed to continue, you will almost certainly, and without baleful intention, but you will you you will break my heart.
Yes.
You are truly luminous, Cherie.
And you have touched me in ways Yeah, let's, uh, wind it up there.
That was mostly really beautiful.
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
No, thank thank you.
Spi-nal epi-dural ad-mini-stered at 3:20pm.
It was 3:25.
No, it was 3:20.
Well, I administered it, and my notes Oh, my notes say 3:25.
Can we just agree that it was administered between 3:20 and 3:25? Sure.
But it was 3:25.
Sorry.
OK.
Spinal epidural administered with good eff-ect.
Could you slow down? I'm just having trouble keeping up.
- No-one likes a smart-arse, Patrick.
- I do.
You don't count, because you're a smart-arse.
Ah.
If you think you can do better, then, please, by all means.
You snide sonofa Injected into epidural catheter located epidural space L3/L4.
Response noted, and intermittent bolus administration thereafter.
Are you hungry at all? Not really.
I'm starving.
I could eat.
Takeaway? You choose.
I can't believe your phone's still disconnected.
- Oh, hi.
Hmm.
- Oh.
Uh, Patrick, this is my sister, Billie.
Billie, this is my colleague, Patrick.
- Oh, hello, Patrick.
- Hi.
I'm just Uh, Neens - Where did he come from? - Well, the hospital.
Where else would my colleague come from? I'll let that go for now, 'cause I need to talk to you.
- I'll need to know more later.
I thought he was a bit curt.
- Shh! He's quite hot, though.
Are you sexing him? Billie, I've had a really long day, and I'm actually trying to work.
OK, Neens, this thing, it's slightly more important than Punjabi.
So, please? Uh, just order whatever you like.
I'll just be back in a minute.
Well, the nausea should be calming down a bit by now.
You'd think so.
We just have to get through the first trimester.
- We'll be right.
- Yeah.
Listen, there's something I need to ask you.
- Hmm? - And it's uh It's pretty big.
Bigger than impregnating your girlfriend with my gear? On par.
- You need a kidney.
- What? No, no, I don't need a kidney.
Bone marrow? Listen, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable if the answer's no.
Mick, we are so far past 'uncomfortable'.
Can you just spit this out? Is there any chance I could borrow 20 grand? I want you to know that this is not an easy conversation for me to have.
And there is a chance that I may vomit at some point.
Mick and I accidentally bought a 700K house this afternoon.
Could have happened to anyone.
It happened to us.
So we may have signed a cheque for 70 grand.
We don't have 70 grand.
We have 30 grand.
Stay with me.
I'm not asking you for the lot, and Mick's hitting Andrew up for half as we speak, and I know 20 grand is a shitload of money, because I know how hard it was to save 30, but if you do this for me, I promise I will never ask another thing of you as long as I live, and I will name this baby after you.
Even if it's a boy.
Nina! Nina, stop chasing your brother, please.
Can I borrow20 grand? Please? You and Mick accidentally bought a $700,000 house.
- Yeah.
- No.
No, Billie.
People accidentally buy too many plums, or the wrong size socks, they don't accidentally buy $700,000 houses.
I mean, what were you thinking? You you can't just go and buy a house.
You of all people know that.
I know, I know, this is huge.
Huge, Neens, I know, but it's nowhere as big as this.
Ooh.
You know I can't say no.
Because you're somebody's aunty? So you're you're saying yes? You're saying yes! I love you.
Mick loves you.
The baby loves you.
OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Stop kissing me.
I love you! I know.
Ow! Oh, sorry! It's alright.
I'll fix it.
Stop it.
Love you.
Stop it! Thank you.
OK.
Oh! Billie! Alright.
I love you! Nothing to worry about.
It's only money.
Ow! Get up! Just I don't really need to know this now.
- Are you OK? - Yeah, of course.
- Friends of yours? - Um, not exactly.
He's my competition.
A fellow agent often vying for the same piece of real estate.
Was that Spanish? Si! I didn't know he spoke Spanish.
- God, I love this song.
- Yeah, it's great, isn't it? - No, that's what he said.
- Oh, right.
Do they look intimate to you? Uh, I don't understand.
Well, uh, I've been known to misinterpret body language.
They look pretty intimate to me.
Then again, they are doing the Latin dance of passion.
Yeah.
Maybe they're just - Oh.
- Hard to misinterpret that.
Look, I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just suggesting on some level, that you find it easier to get lost in your family's needs than meet your own.
Oh, excuse me? What would you know about my needs? You have no right to an opinion about any part of me, Patrick.
Fine.
You can't just discard people then expect them to give a shit what you think.
I was just making an observation.
Well, I'm not interested in your observations about me.
- I've been taking care of my own needs for a long time.
- I find that hard to believe.
I don't care what you think.
I think you do.
I think you're the most arrogant man I've ever met.
I find that hard to believe too.
I cannot believe any woman would Well, one woman did.
She chose to marry me.
We're divorced now.
So am I.
Good.
So is your ex-wife Jodie.
Lives in Perth with her new husband and baby.
Yours? Oh, Brendan's probably an outpatient by now.
Good.
- Oh, hi, Dad.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- I did call before - Did you? But the phone was dead.
- Yeah, it's been disconnected.
Yeah, I know, I spoke to Billie.
You should set up a direct debit system Oh, Dad, this is Patrick, my colleague.
- Oh.
- Patrick, this is my father, Darcy.
Patrick.
- We're just trying to work, Dad.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, look, I don't want to interrupt anything, but I've just spotted something potentially very, very upsetting to your mother.
Oh.
What do you mean? Well, I was just at the Spanish Club with Wendy, and, uh, we were starting to connect pretty well.
She's really quite a captivating woman.
Oh, the point, Dad? Well, I saw Phil D'Arabont.
He's a local real estate agent.
Dad, the point? He was dancing with and kissing an attractive woman who was not your mother.
Oh, well He's also dating Nina's mother, who also happens to be my wife.
- Soon to be ex-wife.
- Yeah, exactly.
Which is why I shouldn't really be the one to tell her that she's not an exclusive listing, if you know what I mean.
Oh.
Well, Dad, I can't I can't help you right now.
But don't you think your mother would want to know, um? Ah, Dad, I'm not responsible for solving this family's many and varied problems.
It's late, she's probably already curled up with a book by now.
If you hightail it over there, you might just catch her before the special tea kicks in.
- Maybe if you just - Goodnight, Dad.
Right.
Lovely to meet you, Patrick.
You too.
Well - He seems really nice, love.
- Oh, I don't like him.
- Oh.
- Night-night.
Night, honey.
- How long ago did you order? - I didn't.
What?! I've been waiting for a suitable break in the Proudman festivities.
- It's my family, it's not a sideshow.
- I didn't mean to This is my home, it's where I live my life.
- My family come and go as they please.
- I like it.
That why you've been trying to get rid of them? No, I've been trying to get rid of them so they don't see me with you.
Fine.
Should we just order some food? Do you ever get sick of being so cocky and pithy? - You know, when you get angry you say strange words? - You're exasperating! You give me the shits.
- Obviously, Nina, right now you're just trying to pick a fight with me.
- You're a coward.
I'm just trying to live my life without causing any pain.
Well, it's not working! I don't always do the right thing, I don't always make the right decisions.
- Neither do I.
- There, you make mistakes.
No, that's a cop-out! You think admitting to a problem is the same as doing something about it, and it's not! - Nina - And so you reject me and hurt me.
And you're the one who's terrified of getting involved and feeling anything, and it's not fair.
- Do you remember seeing one? - I don't know.
- It was such a blur.
- I can't live without a laundry.
I can't live there with a baby without a spin cycle.
They've got pictures of everything except a laundry.
- It's like they're hiding something.
- You're sounding a bit pregnant.
- What the fuck does that mean? - I I What? It's him, it's him.
G'day, mate.
How you going? Really? You sure? Shit, that's great, that's great.
That is so great.
Thank you.
You have no idea how much this means, mate.
Thank you.
OK, yep, sure.
We'll talk.
OK.
OK, bye.
He couldn't talk, he had to go.
He didn't even need to think about it.
- He said yes? - He said yes.
- He said yes! - He said yes.
- We're homeowners! - Yes! We're pregnant fucking homeowners! - Hello! - Oh! - I come bearing gifts.
- Oh! Mmm! Oh, that's good.
- Ooh, what's in the bag? - Croissants.
Ah! So what have you done? Nothing.
Just an impromptu visit, is it? - The sugar and caffeine sweetener? - Mm-hm.
Mmm.
So, um how are things going with you and Phil? - I see.
- Are the two of you still, um - Seeing each other? Yep.
- Mmm.
I'm afraid we are.
Look, I understand this is a bit difficult for you, Darcy, but really, you shouldn't let it bother you.
Oh, look Look, I don't I'm It's not that it bothers me Well, it does, actually, but that's not the point.
Is there a point? Did you know he speaks Spanish? And French and Italian and Afrikaans.
Right.
Well, he also dances with other women.
I saw him last night dancing with another woman.
And? And kissing.
And you're telling me this because? I just wanted to be sure that you knew.
I needed your protection when we were married, Darcy.
I-I don't need it now.
And do you really think I'd be stupid enough to expect fidelity from a man like Phil D'Arabont? Well Mmm.
Good morning.
Sorry.
Nah, it was me.
Was it? Mm-mm.
I just Stop.
I don't know what this is.
You and me.
Yeah, neither do I.
I think we should You look really good in a towel.
Not too shabby yourself.
You look good out of a towel too.
Shit! Breakfast.
Is that Zara? Yeah.
Shit! What are you saying shit for? I don't want Zara to know.
Well, what? That you slept with a clinically challenged person? God, I don't want Zara to know.
That you slept with a junkie.
No, it's not that.
Just Shit! I'll slip out the door.
No, no, no, it's too late.
There's no time.
We had to finish a report, it got too late, so you had to stay here.
Get on the couch.
Morning.
Oh, good morning.
Hi, Zara.
I didn't know you were here.
We were working.
On the triplets report.
All night.
Hard work.
On the couch.
Good morning.
How can anyone be expected to work all night long and save lives all day? Doesn't Clegg realise that you two are doctors, for goodness sakes? I mean, talk about unrealistic expectations.
Exactly.
Any chance I can get a lift to work with you? Yep.
So how come you two are writing a report together? Uh, Clegg asked us to write a report on the triplets that we delivered recently.
- Remember? - I do.
I'm just trying to understand why an anaesthetist and an obstetrician would be writing a report together.
- Is that standard? - No, it's Clegg.
He's trying to encourage more interdisciplinary teamwork.
Oh.
Is that working? As a matter of fact, it is.
Hey, thanks for the lift.
Oh, and off the record, I had no idea the walls in your apartment were so thin.
I just wanted to apologise for anything you might have heard over the past few weeks.
Oh, Billie! - Hi, Nina.
- Hi, Mick.
Hey! Ooh, God! - You're hurting me.
- It's official.
Mick and I are the proud owners of 25 Shirley Street, Collingwood, and it's thanks to you.
Thank you.
You're hurting me.
Sorry.
It's just we have a cubbyhouse now, because of you.
- Cubbyhouse? - And a proper laundry.
With a cupboard and a sink.
You two have come such a long way.
- You're an arsehole! - You're a psycho! Hey, I could probably sneak you in for that ultrasound now, if you like.
Yeah? We couldn't remember if there was a laundry or not.
Neens, it is so much better than I remembered.
It's got these two toilets My big sister with a grown-up mortgage.
- Going to be somebody's mum.
- .
.
Amazing bath.
I swear, as soon as I walked in, I knew.
Like, it was like my instincts went through the roof.
- Like, it felt like home, didn't it? - Yeah, totally.
And and it reminds me of Mum's place in a weird kind of way.
You know the way you walk into it, and feel instantly at home? Just keep talking, Billie, please don't stop talking, so I don't have to start.
And it's just it's big, and There's no heartbeat.
The baby's size suggests that it stopped growing very recently.
Probably in the last week.
But I I didn't feel - Oh.
- There's no way you could've known.
Oh! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
There's no reason, there's no warning, and there's absolutely nothing anyone can say or do.
Hi.
Yep.
Nothing can prepare you for how wrong some silences are.
Hey, Neens.
What? I could just pretend I didn't hear it.
Patrick! Thank you.