Rescue Me s02e09 Episode Script

- Where'd they go? - I don't know.
Janet? Katy? He's big, huh? He's very gentle.
- Hey, guys.
- Look how cute.
Oh.
Daddy, can we get a dog? Honey, I don't know.
Oh, please.
I'll take care of him.
We'll talk about it.
Are you retarded? I was going to the N.
A.
meetings and I just-- I got caught up in the whole making amends thingy, all right? It's not a thingy, Sean! It's a step! And you're supposed to make amends for your own personal bullshit, not mine! You know, telling Laura I was banging the nurse, while stupid, was one thing.
Telling the entire crew that I was banging Laura-- Sean, that's like a whole new level of retardation.
That's like the Special Olympics of substance abuse.
Well, I was drunk, Franco.
Oh.
Excuse me.
Um, is Mike Silletti around and about? Around and about? No.
- You two familiar? - Sure are.
You mind if I ask how, uh-- how you two came to-- Steven's birthday party.
- Ah.
- Will you tell little Mikey that hairy John stopped by? Yeah, sure.
I'll tell little Mikey.
Okay.
You won't forget? Oh, no.
- Toodles.
Toodles.
Oh, my God.
This is the outfit I was gonna wear to work this afternoon.
She read my mind.
All right, here you go.
Contest.
Which one's gayer? The dog or the dog walker? Well, well, well.
- Hey, hey.
How'd you make out, guys? - It was great.
-Did you have fun? Huh? - Give me that lollipop.
Hey.
That's for the kids.
I'll see you later.
Okay, come on, you guys.
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Don't touch that lollipop, Teddy.
I touched it already.
All right, here's the deal.
If you leave the apartment with the kids when I'm not around, you gotta take Teddy or Dad with you, all right? I know.
I know.
See you later.
Okay.
Bye.
On another day C'mon, c'mon With these ropes I tied can we do no wrong Now we grieve 'cause now is gone Things were good when we were young With my teeth locked down I can see the blood Of a thousand men who have come and gone Now we grieve 'cause now is gone Things were good when we were young Is it safe to say C'mon, c'mon Was it right to leave C'mon, c'mon Will I ever learn C'mon, c'mon C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon Hey.
Hey.
You still hungover? No, God, no.
That was like a week ago.
Uh, well, yeah, a little bit.
Listen.
No.
I want to explain.
Seriously.
Look.
Please.
I was wrong.
No.
You were wrong? Franco didn't sleep with the nurse? No.
He slept with the nurse.
I don't wanna hear anymore.
No, that's not what I meant.
I want to explain.
The truth is, Laura, I just-- I was-- I was jealous, okay? I was jealous, I guess, because you and I had this-- We had that thingy.
We flirted and we were going to go on a date and we didn't.
How is that a thing? When you put it that way.
What way? Uh, just-- The point is, the nurse was just about getting the pills.
It was about the pills.
Really? Yeah.
I mean, he was addicted.
Come on.
Think about it.
Oh, shit, Sean.
What if I overreacted? This is what I'm saying.
Oh, shit.
I mean, the nurse she was, like, totally meaningless.
It was like nothing.
It was nothing.
It was nothing like the waitress.
I mean, the nurse didn't even have his home phone number.
What waitress? Huh? You said waitress.
No.
No, no, no.
You said nothing like the waitress.
I meant the nurse.
I was talking about the nurse.
You said-- And the pills.
Really, it was the pills.
He was-- What waitress, Sean? Can we, um, talk about something else? Engine.
Everything okay up there? Oh, yeah.
Big fat dead guy in the bathtub.
How fat? Oh, Kirstie Alley, Fat Actress,fat.
- Elvis-at-the-end fat.
That fat.
- Jesus.
Yeah.
He's been dead since yesterday afternoon.
He left the water running.
Yeah, flooded out three floors.
Suicide? Well, let me put it this way.
The note said, "Tell my wife I hope she's happy now.
" Yeah.
God knows he is.
So? We turned off the faucet.
Told the super to call the cops.
- Our job here is done.
- You know what? They wanna run point on the next terrorist attack? Let 'em start with the big fat dead guy.
Son of a bitch.
You told Laura about the waitress? No.
No.
Of course not.
I mean, yes, but it was an accident, all right? It just slipped out.
Jesus.
You realize what you done to me here? I'm in love with her, Sean.
You ever hear me say that about a woman before? Huh? No.
No.
You're goddamn right, no.
Jesus.
Keep your foolish face out of my goddamn business.
Wow.
Love hurts.
Love hurts.
Hey, can I ask you something? Yeah.
- It's Janet.
- Here we go.
First week or so she was cold as ice, but the last couple days she's been laughing at my jokes.
She's been smiling, happy, seems kind of content.
Wait, wait, wait.
- She took the kids to the museum the other day.
- She's laughing at jokes? Yeah.
She bought me this coffee-table book last night-- You know what? She's either the world's greatest actress, or she's on drugs.
- I can't be funny? - Not to her.
Not in years.
Unless, of course, it's a brain tumor.
But you wanna know something? With all that's gone down over the last five years-- let alone the whole Sheila incident-- Yeah.
for her to be laughin' at your jokes, Mm-hmm.
- gotta be a tumor the size of a grapefruit.
- I don't think it's a tumor.
- Then we have option number three.
- Which is what? - Goofballs.
- Goofballs? Pills.
They got pills for everything now.
Stop smoking, pay attention, don't worry.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'd bet my right nut she's on one of those brand-new "I hate my husband.
I hate my life.
My vagina hurts.
Please, just take it all away" kind of thing.
- They got those now? - Take two a day and your asshole husband is not only all of a sudden funny, but you might just want to bang his deceitful, cheatin' little brains out.
- No offense, Tommy.
- None taken.
Huh.
Oh, holy shit.
Major headlight, 2:00.
Check that out.
Goddamn.
Queer Eye for the Supposedly Straight Fireman.
No way.
There's gotta be an explanation.
That fat chick dumping him put him over the edge.
And the vet? That Viking answer to Shaquille O'Neal? Yeah? I think she had a penis.
My God.
I like the shoes the blond guy's wearing.
What? So, you're eating lunch and dessert at the same goddamn time? Rules, rules, rules.
For a rebel like me, they were made to be broken.
- Where's the two little ones? - Janet took 'em out for ice cream.
- Tommy's gonna kill us.
- Can't happen fast enough.
- Hi, Teddy.
You okay? - Yeah.
It's just-- I got you a pint of pistachio.
Pistachio? That's my favorite.
I know.
What do we do? We wait.
We don't prejudge.
We don't guesstimate.
We don't come to any easy assumptions.
We wait until he gets back into the house.
And then? We jump all over his gay dago ass.
Sounds like a game plan to me.
Huh.
I just-- I-I need to-- I wanna, like-- you know, like, write somethin' to her, you know? I mean, just, you know, put my innermost feelings and thoughts on paper.
Lou, you wrote those poems after Hey, my wife left me after I wrote those poems, okay? Plus, the fact is, we had no real emotional connection for six or seven years.
Plus, the fact was I really didn't find her attractive anymore, nor she me.
- Can you help me? - He can't help you.
He can only write stuff that rhymes.
Unless you're Springsteen, that don't fly-- - I can write stuff that doesn't rhyme.
- Bullshit.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
This should be a challenge to you.
Instead, you're afraid.
I can smell the fear from my side.
I'm not afraid.
Yes, you are.
You know what, guys? Guys, guys, guys.
You know what? Never mind.
I'll buy her some more flowers.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Franco, come on.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
I'm not scared.
Come on, sit.
Give me a pad and pen.
I'll try this.
See if I have the old magic, all right? You gotta understand-- Women wanna hear about what's going on inside you, okay? Your feelings, your emotions-- way deep inside.
That's what they want.
Okay.
Uh, my-my feelings.
- Deep down.
- Down on the bottom floor.
- Down deep.
What do you see? What do you feel? - Blackness and acrimony.
- Okay.
Tits.
- Yeah, well.
We gotta go with tits.
Chicks love to hear you talk about how great they look, okay? So you gotta tell her how great her eyes are, how great her lips are.
You know what I mean? You know what, Tommy? That's a good idea.
You know, I love her ass.
Can we maybe talk about her ass? - I mean, her ass, it's great.
- No.
Stay away from the ass, okay? - Oh, but, Tommy.
- No.
Listen to me.
I don't care who we're talking about-- young chick, old chick, in-between, Cindy Crawford on her best day-- they all think their ass is fat, okay? We love the ass.
We think the ass is a festival of fun.
A great place-- Chock-full of stuff we can do-- But for them, the ass is death, okay? It's gravity and death and hard goddamn times.
Stay away from the ass, okay? Go with the tits.
Tits, eyelashes, eyes, all right? That's it.
- What? - You know what? Write a poem about tits, she's gonna rip it up and shove it down your throat.
I'm telling you.
Chicks wanna hear about emotions.
They wanna hear about remorse.
They wanna hear "I'm sorry's" out the goddamn yin-yang.
You write a poem that says, "I'm sorry.
Blah, blah.
I regret.
Bing, bang, boom.
" And then you throw in a, "Hey, I like your nice, beautiful tits," okay? - What? - Emotions.
- Tits.
- Remorse.
- Melons.
- I'm sorry.
- Gazungas.
- I love you! Double peaches of pleasure-- For really small tits.
Write that down.
Guys-- You know what, guys? I really just-- I changed my mind.
I think I'm just gonna send some more flowers.
What are you talking about? We're just getting started.
We got the ball rolling.
Forget flowers.
They didn't work.
That was far and away the best barbecue I've ever had.
Literally falling off the bone.
I kind of wanted tonight to be special, you know? This being our first date when we're not actually committing a crime.
It isn't illegal to pay for someone's company when there's no sex involved.
I know.
I know.
You're right.
It just all felt kind of wrong, though, didn't it? This is how I pay my rent, my bills, my tuition, send money home to my folks.
I know.
I just-- I just wish it wasn't like that.
I wish it wasn't, you know, like a business transaction.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Candy.
I really like you, Ken, and I wanna keep seeing you.
But I can't keep explaining this to you every time - we get together-- - April? Let's just go to the movies.
Hey, I've been calling you.
Why aren't you returning my calls? Is this guy a friend of yours? Go away, Gary.
Come on.
- Don't walk away from me, bitch.
- Hey, you know what? Why don't you learn how to talk to the lady, okay? Uh, that's not a lady, pal.
That's a whore.
Kenny.
You didn't hear me the first time, scumbag? Look at her, pal.
Look at her.
See, she sure looks like a lady to me, right? If you're not capable of talking to her like one, you let me know, and I'll make sure you finish eating the side of this truck, okay? Okay? Okay? Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How many more names you got? So I did some more checkin' up on Father Murphy.
Ah, give it up, Mick, seriously.
Listen, the kid is by his side all goddamn day and most of the night, in the rectory.
Well-- Hey, man.
How are you? Hey, friend.
What's happenin'? Been good? Great, thanks.
Maybe the kid's a believer, okay? Maybe he believes in Jesus and God and the church like we used to.
Remember? Uh-uh.
This kid is from a broken home, okay? He never knew his father.
The whole family's a mess.
Yeah, and we're from Disneyland.
Hello! Angelo, how you doing? Hey, man.
How are you? What's going on? Nice guy.
Angelo? You know, I was in a meeting in Little Italy last week.
What? It was a tough crowd.
I needed all the help I could get.
You're always judgin' people, you know? Thanks for walking me home.
Gary was always a total sicko.
That's why I had to cut him off.
Yeah, well, occupational hazard, I guess.
You wanna come upstairs? I should probably go.
Come on.
I could brew us some tea or somethin'.
It's, like, 85 degrees out.
Okay.
Iced tea? Yeah.
Sure.
I asked you-- asked you-- to keep on banging my wife, didn't I? I gave you permission to sleep with my wife.
You did.
Repeatedly, until she got pregnant again.
Mm-hmm.
But instead-- instead, you go so far south on the assignment, you turn her into a full-blown lesbian! How in the goddamn hell does that happen? Well, you said she wanted a girl right? You know what, coz? I'd like nothing better than to get into a big, ghost-and-walking-dead-man brawl with you right now, but-- But, what? So I started looking at apartments for all of us.
That's good.
I'm, uh-- I'm gonna just run to the bathroom real quick.
Come on, kiddo.
Eat up.
It's good for you.
What are you thinking about? Honestly? My wife.
Oh.
Sorry I asked.
She just pops into my head every now and then like a 10-second nightmare.
You miss her? Well, as bad as it was at the end, there's something to be said about having a warm body lying next to you at night, even if you can't stand lookin' her in the eye.
I should get back to the house.
Don't.
Don't leave me.
You can sleep on the couch.
It's really comfy.
Candy.
Come on, Ken.
I hate the idea of my knight in shining armor sleeping in some filthy utility closet.
I've got some old Bogart movies, some games.
It'll be fun.
You like Cranium? Yeah, but you gotta have four people to play.
We'll figure somethin' out.
Oh, and, um, to answer your question from earlier, I only have one name.
- It's Danielle.
- Danny.
"Selectra.
" Okay, Googles.
Selectra.
All right.
All right.
Come to daddy.
Selectra XL.
"Safe and effective antidepressant.
" Mm-hmm.
"Reduces anxiety.
Stop fretting.
Enjoy living fully.
" Uh-huh.
"Improves sex drive.
" Nice.
"Possible side effects.
" La, la, la, la, la.
"Oily anal discharge.
" Small price to pay.
"Dry mouth.
" "Increased vaginal lubrication.
" Yeah, daddy.
Thank you, God, and science.
Big.
Okay.
Oh.
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Hey, everybody.
Good morning, sweetie.
Hi, Daddy.
What's going on? Oh, these are the plates you were talking about? Yeah.
What do you think? They go great with your hair.
Oh.
I gotta go though.
So, coffee? Oh.
That would be here.
Oh, thank you.
And last night was great.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm, I know.
All right, see you later.
Okay.
All right, guys.
I love you.
I love you, Daddy.
Bye-bye.
Have a great day.
Bye, Daddy.
I'll see you tonight.
See you.
Bye-bye.
Is there something wrong with Dad? Yeah.
- Is he sick? - Kind of.
- He's in love.
- Oh.
With who? Okay.
Hey.
Shut up.
No.
I didn't even say-- Stop talking now while you're still ahead.
Jesus, Laura, please.
Oh, if Franco sent you here-- No.
Come on.
He'd kill me if he knew I was here.
Please, look.
I've been concentrating really hard about what I wanted to tell you right now.
Okay.
You have 60 seconds.
Okay.
Wow.
Great.
Shit.
Um-- Fifty-five.
Wait.
I'm not good under this kind of pressure.
Really.
I just-- I need some-- Okay, Franco is-- Fifty.
Franco's really, really-- He's really, uh-- Forty-five seconds.
Okay, Jesus.
Uh, he's-- Cut to the chase.
I'm gonna.
I'm just-- Wait.
What do you mean? Forty seconds.
The important part? It's all important.
That's what I'm saying.
It's all really important, what I have to tell you.
Thirty-five seconds.
Okay, well.
Wow.
That's a really nice watch.
Thank you.
Thirty seconds.
Where'd you get that? Franco gave it to me.
You're blowing this, big-time.
There you go.
That-That's the answer right there.
Where's the answer? The watch.
The watch says 20 seconds.
Yeah.
Okay, well, so Franco gives you this really beautiful-- Like, what is this, a Rolex? Come on.
No, it's a Fossil.
Oh.
Oh.
So what does that mean? Like, it's really old? It means you have 10 seconds.
It's a designer name.
It's hip, it's cool.
Okay, great.
Franco gives you this really cool, hip watch.
Come on.
That's cutting to the chase right there.
All he ever gave the damn waitress was a stupid necklace.
He gave her a necklace? No.
No.
I just-- Wait, how many-- How much more seconds do I have on the-- on the-- I don't know, because I broke my watch! Yeah, well, whose fault is that? It's a drug called Selectra, Doc.
I think it'll, you know, help me get over the hump.
I know it very well.
I've prescribed it to a lot of my patients recently.
It's fairly harmless.
We've had nothing but success with it.
Oh, great.
So you can hook me up? Not a chance.
What do you mean? The last time you were here, you told me to kiss your white Irish ass.
See, that's why I need this drug, Doc.
I'm-I'm completely out of control.
Tommy, I have to tell you to kiss my white Jewish ass.
Best of luck to you.
Uh, bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
Tommy? Hey, Father.
How you doing? This is a nice surprise.
Yeah, I just thought, you know what? Let's go down there and just atone.
You know what I mean? Atone.
Atone for, you know, all the sins of the last, you know, five, 10, 15 years, you know? Like? Huh? Like what? Oh.
Uh, well, you know, like the, uh, cursing and the-- and the-- and the-- Well, a lot of the jerkin'-- I'm sorry.
Masturbating, masturbating.
I get it.
Yeah, I mean, once-- Once DVD, uh, came in with the porn-- Whew, I was like-- Tommy.
Tommy, I understand.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, jerkin' off's one thing, but I mean, the cursing, the carousing, the cheating, the lying and-- Wait a minute.
Actually, uh, carousing and cheating are kind of the same thing, right, in-in-in the-- You know, in the eyes of the Lord? Say 10 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.
That's the penance? Great.
All right.
Thanks.
Go in peace, my son.
Huh? I said go in peace.
Oh, peace.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Blessed-- Eh.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed? Blessed art thou? Blessed-- Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
-Sean! - No, wait.
No.
Hold on a second.
Let me explain.
What? Explain! All right, never mind.
Just hit me.
- Hey, Lou, Chief.
- Hey.
Where'd you get the faggy coffee? And the faggy-- but I'm sure very tasty-- looking croissant? Tommy.
He brought 'em in like five minutes ago.
He's got some for everybody.
Tommy Gavin? Where is he? - He's out polishin' the rig.
- He's what? Okay, see, this is the problem with stem cell research.
It starts with a little egg in a petri dish.
Next, you have an all-new, much-improved Tommy Gavin.
I gotta see this.
Probably whistling while he works.
I'm gonna watch.
Hey, guys.
What's going on? Sweet chocolate Christ.
I got plenty of coffee for everybody.
I got double-mocha mint, uh, cappuccinos-- There's two of those.
It's like you're drinking coffee, but you live in an ice-cream world.
Unbelievable.
Sorry I didn't bring it into the kitchen, guys.
I ran into the probie, and we started talking about is he gay or not.
Then I noticed a couple of smudges on the rig, and blah, blah, blah, long story short.
- Anyways, he's not gay.
Tell 'em.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
After hanging out at your place at the party and everything, Chief, I realized all those hot chicks who hang out with gay guys-- Fag hags.
Yeah.
They're all pretty much just desperate to get laid.
But they're looking for a straight guy who's comfortable enough in his own skin to hang out with gay guys too.
See? So you're a fag hag? No.
- Yes.
- Kind of.
Show 'em the moves.
The moves? Yeah, yeah.
You have to be able to, uh, cut rug, too, you know.
Dance.
- So I developed a couple of moves.
- Show 'em, show 'em.
- I feel kind of weird.
- No, no.
Don't feel weird.
It's good.
It's cool.
He's gonna cut some rug for us, Chief.
Cut some rug.
Yeah, it's a dancing term.
Yeah, sure.
Does the thing with his mouth.
They call that a beat box.
Cool, right? Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Do the car thing you were telling me about.
Oh, yeah.
I'll be the passenger riding shotgun.
Ready? Chief, slap me.
What? Hard, across the face.
Shit.
What? I'm not dreaming this.
No, you're not.
It's a goddamn nightmare is what it is.
Hey, wow.
Franco must've hit me harder than I thought.
- I could've sworn I just saw him dancing.
- Hey, Sean.
Hey, do you want a croissant? I got, uh, spinach, spinach with cheese.
- What? They're really good.
- Uh, Lou, Chief? I guess he's not hungry, hmm? All right.
This thing is really dirty.
Hey, look, I'm not in the mood.
You sneak, you.
Yeah.
"Soon I disappear beneath one eager wish.
"Your face, your fingers, the wet promise across the tip of your lips.
This is what you do to me.
" "An eye, an ocean.
Each glance, a deeper blue sky.
" Any man that can write this has to be in love.
Right.
Yeah, love.
Where did you get this from? What, you mean? Like what magazine? No, like, I'm serious, Franco.
Right.
Sorry.
Um, my heart, you know? I mean, baby, my heart, it was broken, you know? Mmm.
- Is Tommy Gavin gay now? - Ah, they're dancing again.
I knew Tommy Gavin, sir.
Tommy Gavin was a friend of mine.
And that man out there is no Tommy Gavin.
- He's smiling.
He's all happy.
- Maybe he's got a disease or something.
- Hey, is there some kind of cancer that makes you dance? - Dancer cancer.
- Travolta trot? - Hey.
You.
Hey, I haven't even seen Laura since the last time-- You are my hero! Damn! Oh, my God.
That poem knocked her socks off, Lou.
You crafty son of a bitch.
Sneaking it into her locker.
That was genius, man.
She loves me again.
I owe you, brother.
Word.
Big-time.
Yeah.
Yes! Did you write a poem-- No.
You didn't put the poem in the locker? No.
Then who did? Oh, no.
Huh.
Engine.
Boys, this place is abandoned, but the neighbor reports there's been people shacked up inside from time to time.
Got it.
Hey, you write a poem and stick it in Laura's locker? Uh, yep.
Yep? What do you mean, yep? Yeah, I did.
What do you mean? You're not gonna try to lie about it? Nope.
Hey, Chief.
Do me a favor? What's wrong? Take this, hit me in the head with it as hard as you can.
What? Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you got? Yeah, Chief, I got nobody up here.
It's all clear.
Geez, they should tear this dump down, huh? - Hey, the top two floors are clear.
- You guys remember this broad? That chick that was on life support, right? She was on life support for, like, 15 years.
Yeah, I saw her wedding pictures on CNN, man.
Before she went in the coma, she was hot-- real hot.
Remember her husband finally had 'em pull the plug? Yeah, but her parents wanted to keep her alive.
That's the thing with coma people.
They're in the coma for 15, 20 years.
All of a sudden, they wake up-- Bang.
They start talking.
- Know what she would've said if she suddenly woke up? - What? - "Does my ass look fat in this bed?" Tom! Tommy! Move it.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on! - He's not movin'! Notifying there's a possible collapse with a firefighter down.
Do you believe in my Father now, Tommy? Has he proven himself to you now? Stand, Brother.
Stand up.
Whoa.
Faith, Tommy.
You must have faith.
Without it, there's no hope.
Without hope, you cannot live.
- You all right? - Yeah, yeah, I think.
My back's a little screwed up but-- That's impossible.
Whatever the hell it is you're on, I want double the dose.
Me too.
Let there be peace on Earth ? And let it begin with me Let there be peace on Earth ? The peace that was meant to be With God as our father Brothers, all are we Let there be peace on Earth ? And let it begin With me - Please be seated.
- She didn't like the line about, "My heart beats full for you.
My tears, like the rain, pit-pat upon--" No.
Um, what about the other one, where-where I go, uh, "I can think only of you.
My hands tremble as you approach.
" No, actually, she really hated that line.
Hey, guys.
What's goin' on? Hi.
What's up, Shakespeare? Takin' up a collection.
I wanna get some flower arrangements for the house.
Make it smell nice.
You know what I mean? Brighten things up.
Yeah, it'd be nice.
You know, Laura loved the poem so much, she asked me for a second one? Oh.
I was lookin' for you, but I couldn't find you.
So, uh, Lou volunteered.
Yeah, she hated it.
She hated it.
She did not hate it.
She didn't hate it.
She just liked the first one better.
That's it.
Well, you were right.
Talk about her body, minus the ass.
Goddamn grand slam.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So? So now we need a third poem.
Sometime by the end of this week would be great.
How you feeling? I feel great.
Yeah? Yeah.
Cool, man.
You look great.
So does that mean-- Where the hell do you get the nerve to start writing poetry? You-You know that this place is run like The Godfather,okay? The Corleones, they control the politicians, the courts, they control the unions, all right? Around here, we got the probie.
He controls all the homo crap, okay? Garrity controls all the stupid retard bullshit.
Mm-hmm.
Franco is our pussy man.
You control the drinking and all the fire-hero-worship crap, okay? Poetry is my territory.
You're muscling in on my turf! Wow.
You've really gotta take some kind of a chill pill, because you're very upset.
Let me ask something else.
Where were the tits? Where were the tits? All week long, "The poem, it's gotta have tits.
Gotta have tits.
It needs tits.
It needs tits.
It needs tits.
" Fourteen goddamn lines, not one tit! It was implied? Oh, it was implied? Yes.
It was subtext.
It was subtext.
Subtext, my ass! What are you, Walt-goddamn-Whitman all of a sudden? The Tommy Gavin I know would never write that poem.
The Tommy Gavin I know would never write that poem to seduce his own piece of ass, let alone a buddy's, all right? You wanna know something? This, the fall you just took, the dancing, the singing, the cleaning, the la, la, la, la, la-- What the hell are you on? Goofballs.
I didn't tell you? No.
Oh.
Remember the thing about goofballs? I checked into it.
She was on the goofballs.
And I took some of them from her purse.
And, uh, they're workin'.
I mean, she's happy, I'm happy.
She loves me.
I love her.
I love everybody.
Hey, I love you.
Hey, uh, the poem thing.
- You want me to take that or-- - Why don't you take that assignment? - Cool.
Great.
- Tom, one more thing.
Next time you feel like kissing me-- - Mm-hmm? - Dinner and a movie first.
You're so funny.
I don't know.
Those cops looked good during that warm-up.
I'm having second thoughts about dropping that 500.
I only bet 25.
Dollars? Yeah.
You told me he went in for 200.
He went in for three.
I didn't pay shit.
Hey, guys.
Guys, just relax.
Did you see the way Tommy recovered from that fall the other day? He's in some sort of a zone.
This thing is a lock.
Yes.
All right, guys.
Uh, I just wanna say a couple of things.
Um, I want everybody to give Not 105, not 107-- Yeah.
Let's go.
Do it! Let's go kick some ass! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hang on.
Let's rip their balls off and stuff 'em down their throats! Hey, Ryan.
Hang on, hang on.
You know, here.
Grab the, uh, hand of your teammate standing next to you.
Dear God, um, let us tonight play a great game of hockey.
Give us the grace and the will and the strength to play our best, but not to get injured and not to injure anybody else on the other team.
And most of all, most importantly, thank you for bringing us here together to enjoy each other's company.
Amen.
All right, boys.
Let's go have a good time.
Come on.
Wh-What-- What's going on? Hey.
All right, screw the shithead.
Let's kick some ass! No way we can lose today, Gavin.
Well, you know, Todd, it's really not who wins or loses.
It's how you play the game.
Yeah.
Todd? Yeah, that's his first name, Todd.
Well, who gives a shit? I'm just sayin'.
- Oh, you're gonna play Mr.
Nice Guy now? - Yep.
Yeah.
Well, look.
Win or lose today, we win.
- How's that? - You'll see.
Whatever.
Let's go! Put some defense on this team! Come on! What did I tell you, huh? What did I say in the locker room? Did you hear my prayer? What, are you kidding me? I said no fighting.
Go sit on the bench for three shifts and ruminate about what you just did, okay? I would, but I don't know what ruminate means.
Well, ask one of the fellows on the bench.
What the hell was that? Don't worry about it, guys, huh? He's just playing a head game.
Don't sweat anything.
I'm gonna lose my 25 bucks.
Jesus.
Unbelievable.
Huh.
Oh, shit! What the hell was that? God! Nice goal, Todd.
Good move.
Blow me, Gavin.
They keep backing up into the goal! Gotta play "D.
" That's right, Chief.
Tell me, is this whole getting creamed thing part of the head game, or are we gonna score six goals in the next five minutes? You know what? Here's your 25 bucks, all right? Go wait in the lobby, seriously.
You okay? Hey, Tommy, he's the enemy, man.
- I know, but he got hit in the head.
- Gavin! Give it up.
I'm genuinely concerned about him.
He got hit in the head.
- We're up by eight goals.
Enough head games.
- I'm trying to be nice.
Do you believe how deep this guy'll go? He's the devil on Earth.
Good game, man.
Good game.
Good game.
Hey, man.
How you doing? Sorry about the goalie, really.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
You look awful happy for a guy who just got his pussy waxed.
- Hey, you guys were the better team today, man.
- Jesus, will you shut up? He is always in a bad mood.
Hey, nice game.
Lord, thank you for making sure that that goalie was not injured-- Bullshit.
and also, obviously, for letting us have these last two or three hours together doing something we really enjoy.
And please forgive Mungo for his lapse in judgment on the ice, and his equally large lapse in language just a moment ago.
Amen.
All right, guys.
You losin' it? Nice prayer.
What's going on? Take a look.
There's your car? What? Hey.
Hey, that's my car! Hey, hey! Hey, wait! That's my car! Hang on! Got ya, Gavin.
Got ya, big-time.
Hey, Todd.
I gotta tell you, man, this is a very funny gag.
Really.
- This is one of the best gags I've ever seen.
How you doing? - Stop calling me Todd.
- Oh, I'm gonna kick your ass.
- See, now, that's the reaction I'm looking for.
I might even kick your ass.
But he planned the whole thing.
That's what I'm saying.
How far will I fall Before I break So sweet, completely It scares me how much I enjoy my way A way not easy But lights out feels so good Don't spare my fate Say viva, evil Its unsightly glow Lights my way below How I love it So completely I suppose Its unsightly glow Lights my way below How I love it So completely I suppose Its sweetness Is my weakness Aidez-moi I am the last To know Cloudland.