See Dad Run (2012) s02e09 Episode Script

- Yes, yes, I know you're excited.
This is gonna be the best Halloween ever.
And this is gonna be the scariest pumpkin ever.
Boo! - Dad, that's the happiest pumpkin I've ever seen! - But it has no front teeth! Except for two fangs, to bite you.
It's very scary, blah, blah, blah.
- Dad, you're not gonna try to scare us like you do every year, are you? - He can't help himself, Joe.
- Daddy, please make sure I don't miss your next scary thing.
I miss it every year! - Sweetheart, this year's prank is gonna make you poop your pants.
- Yay! - Yes.
And those candies are for later.
- What was that? - Dad.
- Wh--what? No "dad.
" I'm--I didn't do that.
I'm right here.
- Wait! Wait, if if that's dad, who is that? - I'm your real dad! He's trying to bury me alive! - What? - Stop him! Help me! Aah! Aah! - Ah! - Happy Halloween! Gotcha again! - But how did you you sounded just like dad.
I've been working on it for years.
- Janie, honey, it took me all week, but aah! I love Halloween.
- Is that my mermaid costume? - Yes, yes! Each scale was hand-sewn by yours truly.
It's even better than last year's costume.
- That's great! But, I was thinking, what if it was a mermaid ballerina? Huh? Huh? - Oh, well, that sounds so creative, but I just wouldn't know where to begin.
- Oh, you could just add a tutu, and maybe sew some ballerina slippers on to the fins.
- Thank you, Kevin.
I'll see you in three hours oh! - Hey, you guys, do me a favor.
Can we get to the fazio's house early this year so we can get the full-sized candy bars? Last year we got there late and we got the fun-sized ones.
All right, and trust me, there's nothing fun about 'em.
Just one bite and it's over.
- Dad, you do realize you're too old to trick-or-treat, right? - No, you're never too old to trick-or-treat.
- Really? What's your costume gonna be? "Man with no shame"? - No.
I am gonna be a fireman.
Sorry, dad, but I already have plans to hang out with my friends.
- Okay, well, all right then.
Joe, I guess it's just you, me, and Janie.
What do you say? - Yeah, about that.
- No! - I'm too old to go trick-or-treating with my parents.
I'm going with my buds.
- What? But, Joe, we're buds! You were gonna be the grateful boy that I saved from a burning building.
I even bought you new, special soot.
- Thanks, dad, but my friends and I are just wearing paper bag heads so we can get extra candy.
- How does that get you extra candy? - This way, we can hit every house twice.
Joe, Halloween is more than just candy.
It's about spending time with your family.
- No, I'm pretty sure it's about candy.
- I'll go with you, daddy! - Oh, well, I guess one out of three ain't bad.
- I'd change that attitude, mister, 'cause I can call Charlotte and have plans like that.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, sweetie, we are good.
I'm just gonna get your brother and sister in the Halloween mood if it's the last thing I boo! Ohh - You're out of apples.
- Why are you always telling me what I'm out of right when you're finishing it? - 'Cause my momma raised me right.
Hey, man, do you remember Veronica de Desmond? - Uh, I "de-do," it's the Hollywood starlet that supposedly her ghost is haunting our old stage, right? - Right.
Well, Jodi, our director, is working down there.
Apparently, Veronica is acting up.
Got the whole crew freaked out.
I think that ghost misses you.
I don't know if I believe in that whole thing, Marcus, but if I did, I'm sure she'd miss me.
- Well, uh, if I were dead, I'd miss you, David.
Would you miss me? - Anyhoo, Jodi asked if you would go down to the stage and charm the ghost into leaving so her crew can go back to work.
- You know what? This is perfect.
This is perfect! This'll get you guys in the Halloween spirit! Listen, how about we do this? Let's since Jodi's crew is still freaked out by this ghost, let's go down there and mess with them a little bit.
Let's do it! - Dad, do we really have to go? - Hey, I'm in for a good prank! - Excellent! Kevin, can you go get the, uh, that stuff that we used to prank the crew with? - Why? Do you miss that? - Kevin, I will miss you when you're dead.
- Oh! Yeah, I can go get the stuff.
- Okay.
- Of course.
I knew you cared! - Veronica! I speak to you as one beloved actor to another! As America's number one dad, I graced this stage for many years, delivering hilarious jokes and poignant moments, all with impeccable timing and hair.
I - Man, keep it on the ghost.
- Fine.
Veronica, oh, spirit! Let your presence be felt! Give us a sign! - Come on, guys, let's get in the Halloween spirit.
It's your cue.
- Ooh.
- I'm so scared.
- Candy! - I feel a chill up my back.
That must be Veronica.
Her big hit was that detective movie, "I feel a chill up my back.
" - Veronica, take your final bow.
Farewell, David, until we meet again.
- This stage Is clean.
- Good job.
- All right.
- That was scary.
- There wasn't a real ghost, Janie.
- I was talking about the fat, bearded lady.
- Nothing like scaring a bunch of overweight crew guys to get you guys in the Halloween spirit.
And now, to celebrate, I'm gonna make you guys a scary lunch.
- What's so scary about it? - Well, we are gonna have - Don't say it.
- "Sand-witches" And "I-scream.
" I'm not done.
And some chocolate chip "spookies.
" - Everyone! Look at the most beautiful mermaid ballerina costume in the world! - Yay! It's just - Just what? - Something is still missing.
I got it! A doctor! - Okay! Uh, you want to be a mermaid ballerina doctor.
All right! Easy enough.
How about a stethoscope, hmm? - Ooh, and a sequined-trimmed lab coat with Janie's name embroidered on it.
- I like it! - Thank you, Kevin.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- What was that? - Dad, come on.
- I didn't do it.
- Kevin? - How could it be me? I'm standing right in front of you.
- Maybe you're not Kevin.
- Pull his face off! What? I missed it last time.
- Hello, boys and "ghouls"! - Hey, uh, Marcus, did the lights just flicker on and off at your house? Mm, mm, oh, mm-mm.
Nope, but Jodi called.
The ghost of Veronica de Desmond has left the stage.
And these pickles are delightful! Mm, mm, mm.
- Hey, can you close the fridge door for me? - I just did.
Whoa! - That's spooky.
- Really spooky.
- All righty, Mr.
prankster.
First it's the lights, and now the sewing machine is just going crazy.
What's going on? - I-I don't know.
- Look! "V," "d," "d.
" - Veronica de Desmond.
- All right.
There's probably some simple explanation for this.
- Yeah, it probably has to do with the polarity from the north pole, combined with, like, wind currents, temperature variations and David.
- Now, that there? That's a ghost.
- Dad, I'm starting to think the ghost of Veronica de Desmond followed you home.
- Uh, all right, let's not jump to conclusions.
- David.
I followed you home.
- It's jumping te! - Please, everybody, just relax.
It's perfectly normal to have a ghost in your house.
- Hmm.
- Yeah, if you're Scooby-doo.
- If Veronica followed you home, dad, do you think it's because she's angry you chased her off the stage? - Whoa, whoa! - I'll take that as a "yes.
" - Sweetie, I'm gonna have to put you down.
- No, the ghost will get me! - No, honey.
If you're looking for elevation, you've got the wrong soldier, okay? All right.
- O-m-jeepers! I just googled Veronica de Desmond, and look what came up.
A picture of Veronica with her fiance, who left her waiting at the altar And he looks just like Dad.
- You know, there's probably an easy explanation for that.
I'll call you from home when I think of one.
- But wha - that is so sad.
- Can you blame him? I mean, a handsome man like that shouldn't be tied to one woman for all eternity.
Unless they're tied to you.
- Not that I'm tied to you.
- - Just, yeah, well - this is pretty much what eternity feels like, isn't it? - Listen, I've got an idea.
You know who I'm gonna call? - Ghostbusters! - Joe, this is no time for jokes.
Is it ghostbusters? - It's better.
My friend Carol's cousin Pete.
He he's the best ghost hunter in the biz.
Look, if there's a ghost here, Pete will find it.
The only thing is, he's a little pricey, so I'm gonna need your credit card.
- Oh, come on, guys.
Aren't we just carrying this a little bit too far? Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? - Well, the crew on stage 19 mysteriously started to lose all their hair.
- What? - Yeah, it just came out in clumps.
- I'm gonna get my credit card.
- And it's that easy.
- Did he buy it? - Yes! We are totally pranking the prankster! He actually believes that Veronica followed him back here.
- Oh, getting him to go to your old stage, Marcus, was such a great idea! - Thank you! - This is awesome! There is no ghost, right? - No, baby girl, that was a special effects team.
Look.
Fellas! Great job! The haunted refrigerator? Nice touch.
No problem, Marcus.
- Look, there's that bearded lady again! - And we haven't even gotten to the best part yet.
- That's right.
As long as we make it about him, he'll believe anything.
We're finally using his massive ego against him! Kevin? - I'm so uncomfortable right now! Deceiving David goes against everything I stand for, but you guys are right! This is so much fun! - I'm not gonna lie, David.
I'm a little nervous.
- I need each of you to stay very still while I calibrate these hd paranormal ghostography monitors.
- We're okay, honey.
This man is clearly a professional.
- Oh.
- Where'd you get this guy? - Radio shed, at the mall.
But we've got to wrap this up quick.
He's got to be back before 9:00.
That's when he vacuums the store.
- Uh-oh.
It appears something is blocking the ectoplasmic emanations from the afterlife.
Oh.
We're good.
- Must have ghost hunter.
- No, sweetie, I really don't think that's really what - oh, you know, you could just pop a vacuum into a backpack, huh? - Thank you, Kevin.
- I am detecting a lot of post-life activity in the vicinity.
David Now would be a good time to ask the spirit to manifest herself.
- In front of the children? - Make her presence known.
- Um Yes.
Veronica, it's, um It's me.
It's David hobbs again.
We talked earlier.
I don't don't know quite how this works, but I would appreciate it if you'd just stay away from the hair.
For - She is here! Okay, now to find out what she wants.
- What could she want? - Love.
Marriage.
Suffering.
- Any idea what that could mean? - Well, uh, we're laughing, honey, because clearly suffering does not belong with love and marriage.
I mean, it's laughable.
Am I right, Marcus? - What the cards are telling me is that the spirit who suffers in the afterlife cannot cross over without clothing.
- Pete Is it possible you meant, "closure"? - Let me look at the cards again.
Yes, closure it was! Closure thank you.
Closure.
- That's it! Veronica wants closure.
She's unhappy because she never got to marry her true love.
- Maybe that's why she's here, dad.
She wants to marry you.
- The boy is right.
Only then will the spirit's suffering end, and she'll be able to peacefully move on.
- Well, I'm sorry, Veronica, but you're a little late.
I mean, I-I have three beautiful children and a loving wife that I wouldn't trade for - Where's my tux? I'm marrying a ghost! - Veronica, appear.
Channel yourself through me, so you can finally marry your beloved and end your suffering.
- Or just begin your suffering.
Am am I right? Ladies, am I right? Oh, when you say it, everyone laughs.
That's just great.
- Don't miss dad's reaction when Pete gets possessed.
- Veronica! Now is the time.
May the next words I speak be yours.
- Marcus? Hello, David.
It's me, Veronica.
- It is? - It is? - It is.
- Wait, I thought you said Veronica was channeling through you? - Me too.
- Marcus, what are you doing? I am not Marcus.
- Fair enough! - I thought you said ghosts weren't real! - I guess I was wrong.
I think Marcus really is possessed.
I'm here for you, David.
We can be together, forever.
- Wha for forever? No, wait, wait.
I think you said wedding, cross over, no more suffering, done! - That was the deal, Veronica.
Silence, odd-looking man! - Fair enough.
- Veronica, do you take this man to be - get out! - Fair enough.
Just remember, radio shed will beat any advertised prices.
We're now offering 30% off power strips - I said, get out! You belong to me, David.
- Stay away from me! - No, you're mine, David.
- What? No! No! - You are mine! - No! - Ah! - That wasn't supposed to happen.
- Well, duh! - I gotcha! I got you! - Boom! Happy Halloween! Look at your face! - Dad! - I thought we had you! - When were you on to us? The kids have been planning this for six months.
- I was on two hours after your first planning meeting.
Are you kidding? Kevin burst into tears and begged for my forgiveness.
At first, I thought he forgot my scone.
Turns out, he was just caving and selling you all down the river.
It didn't take much to get Marcus to turn against you.
He was more than willing to be possessed by Veronica.
- Well, I gotta give it up, dad.
You're the master.
- You guys did great, too.
And I really appreciate you getting into the Halloween spirit.
I really do.
Come on, give me a hug.
Bring it in, guys, come on.
That was awesome.
- Hey, man, I've got to go home and pass out this candy.
And, by the way - Yeah, I know.
I'm out of candy, too.
Okay.
Hey, come on, guys, let's go! It's getting late! - I'm a'coming.
I'm coming.
Yes! "Too much plastic surgery" woman? - Yeah.
I'm smiling at you, but you can't tell, because I can't move my face.
- Oh! Oh, Janie, you look beautiful.
- I look ridiculous! Mom, please, I'm a kid.
You've got to learn to say, "no.
" - Ugh, do I ever! - Go in the car.
Go.
- Eh? Eh? - Oh, all right, let me guess.
You are "Roman" lettuce.
- Caesar salad.
- Excellent.
When are you meeting up with your buds? - Later.
I thought I'd go with you for a few blocks.
- Really? - Me, too.
I couldn't miss your face when you get a full-sized candy bar.
- Thank you, Emily.
That means a lot to me.
Just what the heck are you? - Tsk.
Dolphin, safe, tuna.
- Ah.
Yes, well, nothing says, "Halloween" like a good political statement.
Wow.
You, sir, are a very handsome man.
As are you, sir.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- After you.
- No, after you.
- Just go, Kevin.
- Sorry, David.
It won't happen again.
- That's totally fine.
Look at that face.
I could never be mad at me.