Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (2015) s02e09 Episode Script

1 Dad! You forgot to buy milk.
I notice you didn't forget to buy yourself two new bottles of vodka and a giant bag of weed.
I am talking to you.
Wake up.
[grunts.]
Oh.
Hey, baby doll.
What the [.]
? What? A simple "Hi, Mom" would suffice.
Hi, Mom.
What the [.]
? Oh, God, you never change.
All right, okay, could you please just cover yourself up a little bit? Why? Were you sizing up my titties? No! Are you they real? Of course they're real! They're Au naturel.
I mean, I'm 46, and they're still standing up straight on their own.
That's pretty impressive, right? [grunts.]
Oh, shit.
What are you doing on the floor? Hey.
I don't know.
I'll tell you what you're doing on the floor, buddy.
Last night I was riding you harder than Seabiscuit running into the final stretch, and I needed a place to plant my feet.
That would explain the carpet rash on my ass.
Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up.
Hey, did you handcuff my ankle to the bedpost? Yes.
You were being a very naughty little horsey.
Okay, that's good for me.
I'm gonna go throw up now.
Okay, you do that.
Close the door on your way out.
Yep.
You have a key? Sex and drugs and rock and roll All right All right 'Cause I don't want to die Anonymous No, no No, no No, no How did this happen? Like it always did with your dad.
You know, a bunch of weed, lots of vodka, and shitloads of laughs.
No, I mean, how did you guys get together in the first place? Did Dad post a profile on FarmersOnly.
com? I called your mom three days ago to talk about your future.
Wait, um You called her? Yes, because you were telling me, like, you know, I need to act more like an adult, and I thought, you know what? Who's the one person on this planet who cares more about Gigi than I do? It's not Ava, and it certainly isn't Flash.
Ppppt! No, it's me.
- Mm-hmm.
- And mmm.
Ooh.
And no one loves you more than I do, baby doll.
It sounds so sweet when you say it like that.
Your mother has always had your best interests at heart.
That's true.
Always.
And also I need to get laid on a regular basis because my bitch UPS guy went back to his wife - eight months ago.
- Asshole.
Okay, I don't want to hear any more about your sex life today.
Oh, my God, sweetie, most kids would be doing back flips if their estranged natural parents got back together.
Okay, well, most kids don't have to worry about what diabolical plan their parents are making in bed together.
Okay, listen, the only plans we have for you involve your career, your future, okay? That's what we're planning.
That's bullshit.
You guys are just trying to make Ava and Flash jealous.
They're not even part of the equation anymore.
No, they are not.
Our only thoughts are about you, us.
We're the real family.
Mm-hmm.
The Assassins band family is bullshit, okay? It's a toxic ball of egos and insecurities, just like The Heathens were.
It's true.
I told your mom, I said, "Listen, why don't you put your money where her mouth is?" Get this, she's gonna bankroll a music video.
A real music video.
Mm-hmm, and I'm totally gonna splurge.
We're talking, like, 200 grand here.
Real high-end, Lana Del Rey type shit.
And I lined up this director that worked with her, right? Played him some of your stuff, and I am telling you he went bananas.
- Nuts.
- He did? - Mm-hmm.
- Yes, he did.
This video works, which it will with you as the star, we are gonna have record companies lining up to offer you huge deals, only we will be holding the cards.
And since I can't be in the same room with Flash anymore to write songs, your mom has generously offered to write songs with me for you.
You know, we wrote "Babylon" and "No Valentine" together - back in the day.
- Yes, we did.
And I believe we wrote both of those songs together in bed.
- You believe right.
- Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-mm-mmm.
Okay, so what is this? What's going on, you guys? Are you You're in love again? - [chuckles.]
- [scoffs.]
- A little bit.
- No.
Ooh.
We're in negotiations.
[moaning.]
[door opens.]
- Hey, man.
- What's up? Do you want to go to a concert? And before you give a quick "yes," it's kind of unusual.
That describes every single thing you do around here, Bam.
- No, it doesn't.
- You pee sitting down.
I get yelled at for leaving the seat up.
It's like living with a chick.
I'm a drummer, okay? I do everything sitting down.
When I pee, I like to be in a state of repose.
Thank you for that visual.
What is the gig? Adele is playing the Garden.
- I love Adele.
- I know.
She is amazing.
All right, I got this thing.
I'm calling it the Alpha Adele Arena Night.
The Triple-A Club.
That's where I get a bunch of guys who love Adele, right, as much as me, and we go to the show as a group.
Maybe get some tapas beforehand.
After the show, we go downtown, East Village, where this DJ plays nothing but Adele all night long.
We sing, we dance together.
What? What's this? That's my new "Feast" contract.
People I invited to the show work for Michael Flatley.
The Riverdance guy? Yeah, he wants to come out of retirement and take his own turn at Irish potato famine, hip-hop "Hamilton" rip-off.
Who's gonna play Taryn? Flatley.
Only now they're gonna call him "Sean," and he's gonna be, like, a happy, tap dancey pirate with a lot of cool shirts and a bunch of sexy dancers.
What is Campbell saying about this? He took the buyout in a second so that he could do his own passion project.
What? "My Left Foot: The Musical.
" [scoffs.]
Wait a minute.
If if If Campbell's "Feast" never actually opened, that means my show credit basically never existed.
Right? How could you do this to me, man? Bro, he's making me a producer.
He's giving me 10% of the box office.
I get to shoot pictures.
We're gonna do a coffee table book.
I'm the composer and the creator again, man.
This show is going to debut on Broadway next March.
Bam, I'm gonna be rich.
Well, perfect.
Because now you can afford to buy yourself a new best friend.
You know what? You don't get these either.
These are mine.
I'm taking the mayonnaise too.
Take those bedroom eyes And look the other way I'm not listening to all the Funny little things you say I'm already in love This doesn't happen to me You can't just swagger on up And turn my head so suddenly I got my own situation going on I don't need another Just talked to a guy from Bowery Presents.
He says this is the best he's ever seen the band Wants to know if they're gonna be together long enough to do any more gigs though.
You bet your ass, they are.
Hey, listen, we've gotta start writing new stuff for her and harness this energy and spin it into gold - Yep.
Yep.
- Before they kill each other.
I'm already in love Ohh I'm already in love Come on! I'm already in love I'm already in love [vocalizing.]
Come on now.
[cheers and applause.]
Gigi: Thank you, guys.
Dude, you slowed down the tempo.
No, no, asshole, you sped up.
That was not me.
That was you.
Maybe someday you'll learn how to play that thing.
How's that? Or try doing a gig - without chemical assistance.
- Oh, really? Maybe someday you'll learn how to piss standing up, find your dick under all that fat, Adele.
Really? Here's my dick.
- Take that.
- Are you freaking kidding me? - Hey! - Cool it! - Call me fat again! - Come on, Adele! - Cool it.
- I'll throw whatever I want.
He just said "cool it.
" What are you, The Fonz? [laughter.]
Count us off, asshole.
I'm the asshole? Take that.
- You're an asshole.
- You prick! Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on, no.
Come on, let's go, Flash.
- [laughs.]
- Oh, Jesus, boo, come on.
- Maybe if we calmed down.
- "Boo"? Oh, my God.
- Okay, yeah, count it off.
- One, two, three.
[rock music.]
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three.
[vocalizing.]
[vocalizing.]
I'm not the one who said the word "forever" Forever is a long, long time Wow, she's got your swagger.
Yeah, well, she's got your pipes and your aura.
Oh, yeah, is that what the kids are calling them these days? - Yep.
- Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
We make a pretty good goddamn team.
Mm-hmm.
But it's mostly you.
What do you mean? I spent two decades trying to deny what that kid was.
I mean, I wanted her to be some innocent Ohio school girl, maybe get married - Yeah.
- And settle down.
And then she comes to New York, and in less than a year you've made her into this star.
I ain't the type to bother helping rumors All I did was put her onstage, okay? Everything else about it comes from you.
So you just you raised a wonderful kid.
You should take credit for it.
[clears throat.]
Hey.
Do you want to go to the ladies room and [.]
? Thought you'd never ask.
Yeah I like it.
Wow.
Okay.
I really dig that verse.
- That's great.
- You know what? You can't have a good verse without a great melody, so Which was basically all your idea.
But I don't have I don't have an inkling on the bridge, you know? Oh, I think I might have a bridge.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Play it.
Mm.
Um, it goes a little something like this.
Hey.
I like it.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles.]
So how'd you like that blowjob last night? It was unbelievable.
You know, you were always the best, but you even somehow got better over time.
Yeah, so you like my skills? Yeah.
Love your skills.
You like my tits? Love your tits.
What about my ass? You know I love your ass.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
What about me? Okay.
Trick question.
Oh, my God.
[moaning.]
Mm-hmm.
Mm, whoa.
Okay.
Ah.
[chuckles.]
Oh, wow.
Shit.
- [door opens.]
- Gigi: Hey.
Hey.
What's, uh, going on? Nothing.
Where's Mom? She's, um I'm just I'm right here.
I dropped I dropped my earring.
Yeah, she dropped an earring.
- There it is, honey.
There yup.
- Oh, yes.
- Found it.
- Thank you so much.
- [thud.]
- Ooh, ow.
- You okay? - Yes, no, nothing.
Didn't even feel that at all.
Yep.
- [clears throat.]
- [clears throat.]
We were, uh Working on a new tune for you.
- Yes, we were.
- A tune about blowjobs? - [chuckles.]
- No.
[chuckles.]
- Oh.
- It's a ballad, actually.
You play, I sing.
Yes.
So many miles We have wandered So many tears To be cried Well, we were good together That's what I will remember In time Yeah [music rising.]
So many hours Here laughing Down all these days We traveled so long If the sorrow and the pain Are part of what remain That's all right Yeah, all right But when the sun comes up tomorrow You will be walking Right beside me And when the stars light up the sky You will be shining Shining Yeah-ah Shining Shining So many times Fighting and falling So many nights Just calling you again Wrapped around each other Seeking temporary cover From this wide and wicked world Oh, this wide and wicked world So many nights Yeah So many lies Oh, so many lies Yeah, so many lies Great.
That was great.
Really good, guys.
Let's take a break.
- Great.
- Yeah.
You guys are really getting it now.
- Yeah.
- Liking it.
- Great breakup song.
- Yeah.
Guess our relationship wasn't a total bust, huh? Well, it wasn't really about us.
Nope, it's about Micki.
- It is? - Yeah.
But, I mean, like any song, everyone interprets it their own way.
- But we wrote it about Micki.
- Yep.
Wow, that puts a much deeper spin on it.
I agree.
Gigi, just work with me here for a sec.
Hey, Ava, you should sing that song, as Ava X.
I mean, you were closer to Micki than I was, and I know you can do the song justice, especially given what you know about it now.
I don't know what to say.
I do.
Why you being so generous? - Flash.
- Oh, here we go.
[sighs.]
No, man, I'm serious.
Why? Wha consider it my olive branch.
For which war, the one we got going right now or a new one you're getting ready to start? This is the shit I'm talking about.
- Blow me.
- Hey, don't How about a "thank you," asshole? - How 'bout that? - All right, all right.
- Calm down, stop! - Goddamn! Can we take a break? Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna go get some fresh air.
Ungrateful son of a bitch.
[scoffs.]
What's the point, you know? You gonna go talk to Ava? - Yes, I am.
- Good idea.
- Relax.
- I'm relaxed.
- Dad.
- I'm relaxed.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry about Micki.
I was gonna contact you, but you know.
And I'm also sorry about the Johnny thing, but he called me.
He did? Mm.
He wanted help with Gigi's career, and his new solo project.
He's getting back onstage? Yeah, we are writing him some new tunes now.
New tunes for Gigi and Johnny, that's That's a lot of work.
Nah.
We can handle it.
I mean, we've always had this very deep creative connection.
I was actually really surprised how electric it still was.
We wrote "So Many Miles" in one sitting.
It was like "poof.
" What? Oh.
Nothing.
Um, listen.
Y'all got something good going on, I'm happy for you.
[chuckles.]
Really? 'Cause you just smoked that cigarette in like three drags.
Yeah, I'm a little out of practice.
Hey, Ava.
Johnny and I just happened, same as you and Flash.
Flash and I, we have a connection and a future.
We're not, um We're not a fling.
This is not just a fling.
Johnny and I are attached forever as Gigi's parents and her new songwriters.
Yeah, you're right.
It doesn't sound like a fling.
Sounds like a business deal.
Hey, Johnny, would you mind giving Gigi and me a moment alone together, please? Anything you want to say to me, you can say in the presence of my father.
Yep.
Anything professional, anything personal.
That's how it's gotta be.
Yep.
That's how it's gonna be from now on.
Johnny and Cat are up to no good.
- [sighs.]
- You.
Listen, he's out for money.
She's out for blood.
You don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Okay, Cat shows up, starts spending all this time with the band, writing songs with you, donating songs to Ava X, like she gives a shit about that project.
You mark my words, he's after her cash.
She's out to break up The Assassins and Ava X.
And shame on you, pimping out your daughter, you greedy son of a bitch.
No, no, no, no, no! No, God, stop! No, no, no, no, no! You could break your hand on his face.
How you gonna play guitar with a broken hand? - What about my face? - No, uh-uh, uh-uh.
- No! No! - Ow! Ow! Stop it, stop it! Stop, stop! - No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ow! Ow! He's biting me! He's biting! Bite his arm, not his hand! What is going on? - Can you do something? - Stop it! Why are you fighting like that? Stop what you're doing right now! What are you guys doing? Stop it, break it up! - Dude.
- Come on, what are you doing? - Dudes, dudes! - You gotta be kidding me.
- No - Are you serious? - Are you kidding me? - No, I'm not kidding you! Do not touch my You big meatball.
- Wahhh! - What the hell? Dude, stop it.
Come on, you want some of this? - Mother - You want this? [overlapping shouting.]
Hey, guys, come on! Just stop it.
- Let go - Get off him! No, no, not her hair! Not her hair or her face! [overlapping shouting.]
- My balls! - [screaming.]
- Get off me! - Stop! Stop! Just stop! Dude, look what you did to my camera! Oh, my God, it broke off the body.
That's what you get.
Stupid.
Everybody just chill! Okay, just chill for a second.
This is crazy, right? Here's what I think we should do, okay? I think that we should just take a second, take a deep breath, and I think that we should take a couple days off, right? Get away a little bit, and maybe some of this anger and bitterness and resentment can just kind of fade to the background for a minute.
Okay? Right? What do you guys think? Oh, my God, stop being such a little bitch, Noah! Listen, what we should do is get some studio time, right? We gotta take all this crazy bullshit and turn it into a couple of new songs.
So I am gonna call my friend Phil.
I'm gonna see if there's a couple days at his studio.
And what do you think about that, yea or nay? - Yeah.
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
Whatever, I'm always up to play, yeah.
- I'll do it.
- I'll do it.
- Why not? - Who cares? Why not? Pick up your camera.
You're gonna have to pay for this, kid.
- I'm not paying for nothing.
- Asshole.
Yeah? Yeah, you almost ripped my new jacket.
Your jacket? Look at my new blouse.
- My tits are out now.
- You're a jackass.
Something old Something new Something sad Something blue Something lost