SMILF (2017) s02e09 Episode Script
Single Mom Is Losing Faith
1 [MELLOW WESTERN MUSIC.]
I knew it.
Come on.
Get.
[MAN GROANS.]
Don't you die on me.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Don't you dare die.
[BIRD SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah.
Come on, come on! Thank you.
Never seen anybody shoot like that before.
Wait.
I know you.
You're SMILF Single Mom Is Losing Faith.
That's right.
Well, you restored mine.
SMILF, if there is any way I can repay you Well, we can start with that nice reward on your head.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
MAN: Hitch her up to the buggy.
WOMAN: Hi, SMILF.
[MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
[HORSE CHUFFS.]
What the fuck, Bridge? [WHISPERING.]
Shit.
Oh, hey.
I left this asshole to hang out in the sun.
Oh, this is your guy? Shit.
I didn't think I was gonna see you.
You didn't think you were gonna see me? - Bridge, this is selfish.
- What do you mean? I just rode for five days to find this guy.
You know because I couldn't pay my exorbitant land taxes, this asshole took my till and my mules for Mr.
Daddy? - Sounds rough.
- He's a coward and a thief.
And he should be out there getting eaten alive by them damn buzzards where I left him.
He's also worth a lot of money.
And you call yourself a cowboy.
I am a cowboy.
[GRUNTING, EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Nice to see Daisy's doing better.
- [CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
- Oh, yeah.
You know, she's living her best life.
[GRUNTS, BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Oh, God.
You might want to go around back and get him off that way.
[GROANS.]
That's a good idea.
- I know it's a good idea.
- [GRUNTING.]
Ah.
All right.
I'll meet you at the saloon later.
All right.
See you later.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh! Oh, God.
I might need your help with him.
- [GRUNTS LOUDLY.]
- I ain't helping you with shit.
[CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
No, don't get up.
[STRAINING.]
I got it.
[GRUNTING.]
Just stay there in your comfortable chair.
Oh! Man, that guy's heavy.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- Who's this? - You know who that is.
Can't say I do.
Sully "Pretty Boy" O'Grady.
I'm here to collect.
Oh, would you look at that? I was gonna go get him meself this afternoon.
Oh, well, it looks like I beat you to it.
But you're used to my sloppy seconds, aren't you? Not sloppy the way I do it.
And this little messier job than I would have done, but good effort solid effort, solid effort.
All right, let me see what I got here for you.
Okay Kind of in a hurry.
Been gone for five days.
Really like to see Larry before his naptime.
Speed it up maybe.
The town of Boston appreciates your effort.
Thank you.
Uh, maybe you don't know how to count, - 'cause you shorted me 20.
- Oh, that's cowboy tax.
- A cowboy what? - Cowboy tax.
I mean, it's lucky you're not a cowboy of color.
It would've cost you 15 extra buckaroos.
I risked my life out there.
Isn't the reward in your heart enough? You saved the man's life.
All right, Sheriff Nelson, I really need that money for my half of the preschool deposit.
Oh, that's you and Rafi's responsibility.
You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
You teach a man to fish, he learns now to fish, he catches that fish, and gives it to his kid.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OUTSIDE.]
You know, I'll find that money somewhere else.
- I'll win it tonight in poker.
- Okay.
Have a good day.
Hey, Alice, got another roommate.
["SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN PLAYS ON PIANO.]
WOMAN: Hey, cowboy! [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hold your horses there.
You know you got to nickel up.
Right.
There you go.
Hoo-eee! That'll get you 30 minutes in a little piece of Heaven.
Hey, Jackie.
Fill these up and then water 'em down like we do.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, babe.
Hi, you.
[SMOOCHING.]
Hi.
Want to give me kisses? What's the matter with you? Huh? You okay? What happened? Someone touch your privates? Oh, Bridge, no, he's good.
- Hair of the dog, Bridge.
- Sure.
COLLEEN: I mean, look at that boy.
He's perfectly fine, and he's gorgeous, to boot.
Ma, don't objectify him.
We talked about that.
- Okay.
- Here you go, little Lar.
Cheers.
Mama's home.
[COLLEEN CHUCKLES.]
Something seems off with him.
Well, you know what they say, Bridgette.
Broken home, broken heart.
He'll be fine when he gets into that city school and out of this place.
You think that city school's gonna solve every problem? Better than things around here.
- What are these? - Pretty good toys.
- Those are Lincoln Logs.
- You know what kind of toys - they have at the city school? - No, I don't.
Neither do I, but they're better than these things.
Well, I'm just telling you right now, Bridgette, paying as much as a plot of land for one year of pre-K is dumb.
Rafi's paying half, so it ain't that bad.
Speaking of which, I need to borrow 20.
No way, Bridgette.
Get your hands out of there.
- Come on, Mom.
- I work hard, Bridgette, in order to save every penny to try to buy this place from Mr.
D.
Maybe you should raise the prices around here.
Listen, these are townspeople, Bridgette.
They can't afford high prices.
The only one who can afford it is Mr.
Daddy.
But then he come in every Sunday, and he drink what he like, and he fuck what he like excuse my language and then he gets everything for free.
How's that for irony? You know what irony is? It's like when people have money, but then they always never have the cash on 'em.
- He knows what irony is.
- He ain't a dumb kid.
Seen Rafi? He was supposed to meet me here.
- [COLLEEN.]
Nope.
- You seen your daddy? - LARRY: No.
- WOMAN: I think I seen him over at the church crying his pretty little eyes out.
Men and their emotions.
- WOMAN: Yes, indeed.
- WOMAN: Uh-huh.
I'm gonna go find him.
- You want to come with me, find your daddy? - No.
Keep an eye on him.
Like a hawk.
[END PIANO CHORDS.]
RAFI: [SINGING IN SPANISH.]
Pobrecito Rafi [HORSE NEIGHS.]
Madre, por favor Dios, dame fuerza It's a shame to waste that pretty voice on an empty audience.
You stood me up.
No, I-I was gonna come a-and see you.
- I-I just wanted - Rafi, quit stammering.
I just don't got the money for Larry, Bridgette.
God damn you! If you think for one second I'm gonna let you play house with that sheriff while you forget about your little boy, - you got another thing coming.
- It ain't like that.
I've been saving every nickel since I bought that stupid ring.
I just got bamboozled.
- What? - [CRYING.]
I got bamboozled.
- Oh, God.
- [CRYING.]
- Don't start crying.
- [SNIFFLES.]
Ruin your pretty face.
Rafi, what'd you get yourself into? I took a payday loan from Mr.
Daddy.
I was gonna give you the money as soon as I got home.
I wanted to surprise you.
It's just the interest was so high! A-and before I knew it, they roughed me up.
They took back everything they loaned me and then some.
You mean to tell me in trying to get a little cash, you lost all the cash? All I have left to my name is this canary-yellow ribbon.
[SOFTLY.]
Jesus Christ.
[SIGHS.]
Men and money.
I'm sorry, Bridgette.
You know what? Sorry's not gonna cut it.
We got to put down that deposit by tomorrow, or Larry's gonna lose his spot.
- Oh, no, we can't let that happen.
- No, we can't.
- Well, what should we do? - I don't know.
- You got any ideas? - Yes.
I think we could Maybe we - No, I don't have any idea.
- Yeah, well, that's cause there's only one thing we can do.
What's that? I got to stick up that payday loan office, and you got to show me where it's at.
Nuh-uh, I'm not doing that.
Uh-uh, that's dangerous.
I've heard some scary stories, Bridgette.
I'm not scared of no stories.
- Let's go.
- Well, you know what? I think I'll just stay and watch Larry - Get up! - Okay.
- Let's go.
- Okay, all right.
Bridgette! [SWEEPING MUSIC.]
RAFI: It smells delicious.
You know rabbit foot's good luck? Not for that rabbit.
Hopefully for us tomorrow.
Here, it's all ready.
- All right, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
My blood sugar was in the basement.
[ANIMAL HOWLS.]
Don't burnt your tongue.
Ahh - Look at all them stars.
- Mm.
Makes you feel less alone, don't it? Sure do.
Don't you start counting them either.
I know how you like to do that.
How many you reckon are there? - I don't know.
A lot.
- One hundred? I don't know, Rafi.
I don't think you could ever count 'em.
- Two hundred.
- You really can't guess.
There's at least 400 up there.
- Okay, that's enough.
- [TWIG SNAPS.]
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Bridgette, what was that? My six-shooter's cocked! Now come out with your hands up where I can see 'em.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ally? Bridge! [GASPS.]
Oh, am I glad to see you! You're the last person I expected to see here.
Oh, I smelled that from a literal mile away.
Do you think I could just have a little nibble? Yeah, sure, you can have some.
I-it's just a little bit hot.
- You might want to wait for - Mm.
It smelled so much better than it looks.
Ugh, forget it.
I am exhausted.
Ahh.
What are you doing out here all by your lonesome, Miss Ally? It's a sad, long story.
I don't really feel like getting into it.
Well, we were about to go to bed.
- But since you asked - Okay.
Mr.
Daddy and I have finally split up.
So now I'm shacked up with my kids down by the creek, which Ida insisted has fish in it, but it doesn't have fish in it.
It only has cattail and arrowroot, which tastes like shit! You mean to tell me you got nothing from Mr.
Daddy in the separation? No.
The minute that I told him I was gonna file, he kicked me out of the house.
And then he went and bought up every single damn lawyer in this town.
And he's frozen my line of credit at the general store.
I mean, I have nothing.
You gave it all up for him and got nothing in return.
- Nothing! - Nothing! And you're someone who had everything.
Yeah, I used to have everything.
- Didn't I, Bridgette? - You had those kids.
You had that nice house.
You have the degree, the clothes, the jewels, that body.
- ALLY: Everything.
- Now you got nothing.
- Nothing.
- And now all you're doing is living in a wagon down by the river.
Yes! It's a creek.
We prefer creek.
You know what? You should come with us.
We're gonna get my money back from your fella's payday loan operation.
- 'Cause we're outlaws.
- BRIDGE: Yeah.
It's about time you got yours.
- And you know something? - BRIDGE: What? I used to be the fastest gun in the West.
How come you never said nothing? Because I'm probably also the humblest person in the West.
Well, that's for sure.
But I don't know I mean, that was a long time ago.
It was before I had kids.
Look what I got right here.
- Why don't you give it a spin? - Oh.
All right, maybe I will give it a swirl.
Just like falling off a bike.
- Whoo! - RAFI: Oh! - BRIDGE: Huh.
- Anybody shot? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
You just want to be careful with these things.
Yeah.
Well, maybe we shouldn't make any rash decisions tonight.
You know what we should do? Let's drink! Oh, you know, we actually have to get up at sunup tomorrow.
- RAFI: Yes.
- Can't we just have one drink? I mean, one drink isn't gonna hurt anybody.
I guess one drink can't hurt.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC ENDS.]
- [GUN CLATTERS LIGHTLY.]
[GUN COCKS.]
- [GUNSHOT.]
- ALLY: Ah, shit.
RAFI: Shit! Nelson! I swear it's not what it looks like.
- ALLY: Shh! - What it looks like is you and Bridge ran off and took a little tumble in the cabbages.
I can explain.
It gets cold out here on the plains, and I thought we could use our bodies to keep warm.
Did you know that adultery is not just forbidden by God but by the law? I could have you hanged.
That's kind of extreme, Sheriff.
Well, jailed, then.
Nonetheless, you're under arrest.
- Come on.
- BRIDGE: Under arrest? No, wait a damn minute.
You can't arrest me.
All I'm doing out here is trying to get the money back from the bastards that took it from this guy.
Well, then you're under arrest for vigilantism, too.
You just think you can ride on in with your little horse and just be Rafi's hero, don't you? [SCOFFS.]
No.
I could give two shits about him.
I'm doing this for my kid.
- That's mean, Bridgette.
- ALLY: She doesn't mean it.
- Why would she say that? - She doesn't mean that.
Is that why you dropped your knickers for him - the other night, then? - I was hot.
So sue me.
And also, sometimes I like to get naked when I'm angry, and your man really ticked me off.
You know what, Bridgette? Larry doesn't need a better school.
- He needs a better mother.
- Oh, shit! - Those are fighting words.
- RAFI: Just get out the way.
- [BOTH GRUNT.]
- Stay down, bitch! Why do you women always have to resort to violence? You little liar! - [GRUNTS.]
Aah! - Ooh! Because it's fun! I'll fucking fight you, you fucking dickhead.
ALLY: Oh, I wish I had two cowboys fighting over me.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[NELSON GRUNTING.]
I wouldn't have said that - [GUNSHOT.]
- Ow! Oh, shit.
You shot me.
I shot you in the foot.
I shot you in the foot.
- You don't fight fair! - I don't know what happened.
- I just I b-blacked out.
- I got to get out of here.
- Bridgette, are you okay? - Um, I'm okay.
- Bridgette - I've never been shot before.
- Don't walk on it.
- ALLY: Where are you going? I've never been in more pain in my entire life.
Oh, people get shot in the foot all the time.
ALLY: I don't think you're in any condition - I'm okay.
- to be walking right now, Bridgette I really don't, I think - Nope, nope - Just stay away from me.
- Oh - You and I need to have - a little chat, mister.
- About what? Sit down! - BRIDGETTE: She cheated! - ALLY: Bridgette.
Let me help you.
I'm here to help.
- Take my hand.
Bridge - I'm gonna survive.
- I'm gonna survive.
- ALLY: Oh.
Oh, Bridgette.
- They touched you? - No.
- They didn't rape you? - Didn't rape me.
They didn't fondle your little butthole? As far as I know.
All we had was a relaxing night.
You had an R&R? That's even worse! - BRIDGETTE: Is the wrong - ALLY: Oh Can I give you a little boost? - ALLY: A boost? - BRIDGETTE: Nope.
- I got it.
- Oh I made it up.
I know you're worried, but you got to you got to ride like the wind, okay? Come on.
Get me to the doc.
ALLY: You're gonna ride it like that? [SWEEPING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
BRIDGE: Aah ELIZA: Just a few more stitches.
Looks like Larry's gonna be a townie after all.
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-hmm.
- [MUFFLED.]
No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
No, he ain't.
You always thought you were better than us.
It's true, Bridge you do think you're better than us.
- COLLEEN: Yeah.
- Mm-mm.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Well, you guys don't get it.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.
- We don't get it? - No, you don't get it.
You think if you send Larry to that fancy school, he's gonna escape the fate given to all of us.
- Fine.
You get it.
- Right.
That school ain't help me none.
All I'm saying is things are how they are, Bridgette.
You try to change 'em, and you end up getting shot in the foot.
[GROANS.]
You ever get shot before? - Not once.
- Oh.
I'm gonna be sick.
- You are? - Bull maybe the bullet - poisoned me.
- No.
- Do I have the gangrene? - No.
Ah! Game! I did it! - You saved my life.
- I did, didn't I? - Yeah.
- I mean, it could go septic, and you could die, but I own that.
You know, you're really good at that.
You got you got a delicate touch.
I was good at Operation as a child.
Oof, it really hurts, Doctor.
Some herb for the pain.
- [COLLEEN.]
That'll help.
- Some good old sativa for you.
- All right.
- Where you going? I'm going to blow off some steam [GROANS.]
with my friend upstairs.
[SHOUTING.]
[GROANING.]
Come on.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Where are you today? Come on.
I don't know.
It's not working.
Get off.
I'll just do it myself.
Yes.
You don't want to get stuck with blue clit.
Ah, come on.
- [GRUNTING SOFTLY.]
- Come on.
You can - Mm - There you go.
God damn it! I can't get hard.
It's not something to be ashamed of.
It happens to the best of them.
Not to me, it don't.
You know, we don't have to do it every single time.
Some cowboys just pay me to listen.
That wouldn't work for me.
I'm a woman of few words, George.
I know.
So try me.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Maybe my mom was right.
I shouldn't expect things from Rafi, you know? Especially now that he's marrying that cunt.
- She is a cunt.
- Right? - The biggest cunt.
- Such a cunt.
Massive, yeah.
[SIGHS.]
And if I'm honest with myself, I can't give Larry a better life.
I mean, look what it's brought me to.
I get in a shootout with my son's stepmom.
There's no winning, is there? [CHUCKLES.]
I might as well just accept it and give up.
No, no, no, no, no.
- Bridgette.
- What? You do not give up.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, George.
Look at my situation.
I was granted safe passage by Mr.
Daddy.
- Mm-hmm.
- He promised me a job as a messenger for telegrams.
I thought, I give people good news.
That makes me feel good.
- That sounds nice.
- I love giving people good news I was very excited.
And then I woke up drugged and on a ship.
And now here I am in Boston working as sex for hoping I can get my freedom someday.
Wait.
You don't enjoy this? Oh.
Oh! No, Bridgette.
Oh, with you, I I love it.
It's the best I've ever had.
- Okay.
- You're very good.
Oh.
Thank you.
But with all of the other women it causes me great pain.
I'm so sorry.
- He did this to you? - Yes.
Oh I will have that forever.
And I will not stop fighting and trying to get my freedom back.
I will not stop trying, and you cannot stop trying either.
You sweet, beautiful dumb whore.
Those are nice words, George.
Those are only words.
The sooner you learn that, the better.
Clean yourself up.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Bye, cowboy.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[RAFI SOBBING.]
NELSON: Stop crying.
Go inside and wipe those tears away.
[TEARFULLY.]
Okay, okay, okay.
[CONTINUES SOBBING.]
It's just that we're family.
I don't want you around her.
She's just trying to get to me.
Oh, she means well.
Families fight.
Besides, it's not about you.
It's about Larry.
Do it for me and Larry.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
Aw, shit.
COLLEEN: So what do you think, Bridgette? Call.
- What you got? - Trips.
Ah.
Aces full.
- [WINCES.]
- Shit.
It's all right.
You need the money more than I do.
Use it for the saloon.
Oh? What about your fancy school? Nah, took your advice.
He's gonna go to the townie school - like the rest of us.
- Mm.
Well, then can I have the money? 'Cause my Evie has the lead poisoning from the polluted well water in Mr.
Daddy's coal mine.
Evie looks all right to me.
Yeah, I mean, lead never hurt nobody.
- Look at us.
We're fine.
- I could use it, too.
My niece is sitting in a cage on the border - since her mom got deported.
- Yeah, right.
Stop your lying.
This is America.
- We don't put kids in cages! - Come on, that is bull! Shit.
I'm 25.
All I want to do is own my own cage.
Mr.
Daddy he owns all the housing stocks.
- Asshole.
- BRIDGE: Well divvy it up however you guys see fit.
All righty.
All right, we gonna play again? Well, it's a two-dollar buy-in, Bridge.
Uh, in that case, deal me out and pour me another.
Not so fast.
Oh, look, it's the Sheriff.
What, did you come to shoot me in the other foot? - Came to cover you.
- [COIN CLATTERS.]
Why would you do that? 'Cause we're family.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I don't know about all that, but I'll take it.
All right, deal me in.
COLLEEN: Ante up, everybody.
[COINS CLATTER.]
- [COLLEEN.]
What the - What's that? Cowboy tax.
I don't know what to say.
- EVIE: Let's play again.
- LARRY: I don't want to play.
EVIE: Come on, Larry.
I give up.
Hey.
What did you just say? - I give up.
- No, no, no.
You can't give up.
No, we don't give up in this family.
What'd I teach you about the cowboy code? What's a cowboy code? You know what the cowboy code is.
It means if you're down and out, you dust off your boots and get back on that horse.
Hey, look at me.
You hear what I'm saying? - Mm, no.
- Aw, come on, Lar.
- [HORSE NEIGHING.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
BRIDGE: Aw, shit.
Here the bastard comes now.
Oh, Jackie, line up the boys.
- Well, what if you didn't? - What do you mean? I Just mean what kind of example are we setting, Ma? See what just happened? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I'm a Bird.
You are a Bird.
And no cage ensnares us.
Ain't that why our granny settled out here in the first place? So we could live our lives how we wanted to live 'em.
Instead, we just ended up as doormats for Mr.
Daddy to wipe his boots off on.
I don't know about y'all, but that ain't why I wear this hat.
I put on this Stetson, and I feel my ma.
That's you.
And I feel my ma's ma.
- That's Grandma.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
I feel my grandma's ma and my grandma's ma's ma and my grandma's ma's ma's ma's ma.
I love our grandma's grandma's ma.
- Yeah.
- All those women taught me what true grit really was.
Ain't that right, Ma? Well, yeah.
I mean, they were fighters.
They fought so we could have a better life than they did.
If we just roll over kind of like pissing on their tombstones.
And I don't want to piss on their tombstones no more.
Me neither.
A wise whore once told me to never give up.
So we can stay here, let Mr.
Daddy screw us six ways to Sunday, or we could go confront his greedy ass, take back what's ours, and live by a code worthy of this hat.
So who's with me? - Whoo! - Me too! - #MeToo! Hell, yeah.
- [CHEERING.]
We can shoot some shots, though, first, right? - WOMAN: Yeah! - BRIDGE: Give me my gun! We're gonna need guns and bullets.
Load 'em up, boys.
Load 'em up.
- MAN: Get off the street! - MAN 2: Get off the street! [PANICKED CHATTER.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
MAN: Help me, help me! MAN: Get out of that there saloon.
MAN: Sorry! Sorry! Excuse us! - Sorry! - Excuse us! Well, look here, boys.
Today, Mr.
D.
, is collections day.
No more damn freebees at the saloon.
Time's up.
No more raping, pillaging, murdering, stealing, philandering, deporting There's so many.
What else is there? The poisoning.
The poisoning.
Yeah.
It's about time that you wrote us a big-ass check and got the hell up out of this town.
I'd suggest you ladies take your hands off them holsters if you know what's good for you.
Last chance, Mr.
Daddy.
[HOCKS LOUDLY, SPITS.]
Okay, that's gross.
And I'd suggest you comply, and may the Holy Mother have mercy on your soul.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- MAN: What the hell? - What the fuck, Jackie? Seriously, I had no idea how that happened.
- MAN: Draw, boys! - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
MAN: Cover, cover, boys! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I am Shiva, Goddess of Destruction! MAN: You protect Mr.
Daddy! Aah! Whoo! Good burn, baby! Shit.
Bridge, we're outgunned.
- I know.
- [GUNSHOTS.]
Stay down, Evie! Stay down! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Hey I'm sorry about the lap dance.
I get why you'd be hotter than blue blazes over that, okay? And I'm sorry about the drunken 2 a.
m.
phone calls and the "throwing farts" game we do.
- And the "pet the kitty"? - Yeah.
That too.
Oh, shit.
But I promise you if we get out of here alive, I'm gonna do better.
- Okay.
- Okay? [BREATHLESSLY.]
Okay.
Okay.
What's the plan now, partner? [GUNSHOTS, MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
There's only one thing we can do.
Give them bastards hell.
Shit! [EPIC MUSIC.]
[GUNS CLICK.]
End of the road, ladies.
- And I'm still standing.
- Bridge.
MR.
DADDY: You want to know why? 'Cause I got a big swinging peckerwood, and so long as I do, Jesus Christ Himself couldn't shoot me down.
So let this be a lesson to the rest of you.
[GUNS COCK.]
Any last words? ALLY: I got one.
[GUN COCKS.]
Ally? Vasectomy.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- Ooh! [GROANING.]
- [DADDY GRUNTING.]
- I still got it.
- [DADDY GRUNTING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, you do.
- [MOANING.]
- Ugh.
Damn it! Ow! Ow! [SOFT MUSIC.]
Guess whose birthday it is next week.
[GASPS.]
It's Larry's birthday! TJ wants to throw him this big old party, so we're gonna do it at her house.
- I hope you can come.
- Oh, I'd love to come.
I really would.
I'll get him a pony.
BRIDGE: You're gonna get him a pony? Yeah, I was just gonna get him a pony.
Oh, oh, then you get him one.
No, no, it's okay.
I can't really afford one anyways.
- You get him the pony.
- Go halfsies? You can get two and just say one's from me.
Sure.
Yeah.
I'd love to do that.
- You can pay me back later.
- A rainbow pony.
He wants a rainbow pony.
[SIGHS.]
Where are we gonna find one of those? You guys got everything? You got enough to drink? All right, gonna dig in.
Oh, uh yep.
We say grace in this house.
I don't really do that.
Oh, well, you can always try.
Come on, let's do it.
You don't want to pray, do you? - Yes.
- [SIGHS.]
Fine.
All right, hands together, everyone.
First time for everything.
Rafi, would you like to do the honors? Of course.
Dear Lord - Who doesn't exist.
- Bridgette.
[WHISPERING.]
He doesn't exist, okay? - RAFI: Dear lord, who - Don't get your hopes up.
Dear Lord who does exist, thank You for this food, and thank You for this beautiful family.
Awoman.
- NELSON: Awoman.
- BRIDGE: Awoman.
- RAFI: Let's eat.
- BRIDGE: Let's eat.
- NELSON: All right.
- BRIDGE: What do you want? - NELSON: Ooh, where to start? - BRIDGE: You got to say it - with your words.
- RAFI: What do you want? LARRY: Kool-Aid.
No more cows To be ropin' No more strays Will I see Round the bend She'll be waitin' WOMAN: Supahsmaht.
I knew it.
Come on.
Get.
[MAN GROANS.]
Don't you die on me.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Don't you dare die.
[BIRD SCREECHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah.
Come on, come on! Thank you.
Never seen anybody shoot like that before.
Wait.
I know you.
You're SMILF Single Mom Is Losing Faith.
That's right.
Well, you restored mine.
SMILF, if there is any way I can repay you Well, we can start with that nice reward on your head.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
MAN: Hitch her up to the buggy.
WOMAN: Hi, SMILF.
[MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
[HORSE CHUFFS.]
What the fuck, Bridge? [WHISPERING.]
Shit.
Oh, hey.
I left this asshole to hang out in the sun.
Oh, this is your guy? Shit.
I didn't think I was gonna see you.
You didn't think you were gonna see me? - Bridge, this is selfish.
- What do you mean? I just rode for five days to find this guy.
You know because I couldn't pay my exorbitant land taxes, this asshole took my till and my mules for Mr.
Daddy? - Sounds rough.
- He's a coward and a thief.
And he should be out there getting eaten alive by them damn buzzards where I left him.
He's also worth a lot of money.
And you call yourself a cowboy.
I am a cowboy.
[GRUNTING, EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Nice to see Daisy's doing better.
- [CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
- Oh, yeah.
You know, she's living her best life.
[GRUNTS, BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Oh, God.
You might want to go around back and get him off that way.
[GROANS.]
That's a good idea.
- I know it's a good idea.
- [GRUNTING.]
Ah.
All right.
I'll meet you at the saloon later.
All right.
See you later.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh! Oh, God.
I might need your help with him.
- [GRUNTS LOUDLY.]
- I ain't helping you with shit.
[CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
No, don't get up.
[STRAINING.]
I got it.
[GRUNTING.]
Just stay there in your comfortable chair.
Oh! Man, that guy's heavy.
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- Who's this? - You know who that is.
Can't say I do.
Sully "Pretty Boy" O'Grady.
I'm here to collect.
Oh, would you look at that? I was gonna go get him meself this afternoon.
Oh, well, it looks like I beat you to it.
But you're used to my sloppy seconds, aren't you? Not sloppy the way I do it.
And this little messier job than I would have done, but good effort solid effort, solid effort.
All right, let me see what I got here for you.
Okay Kind of in a hurry.
Been gone for five days.
Really like to see Larry before his naptime.
Speed it up maybe.
The town of Boston appreciates your effort.
Thank you.
Uh, maybe you don't know how to count, - 'cause you shorted me 20.
- Oh, that's cowboy tax.
- A cowboy what? - Cowboy tax.
I mean, it's lucky you're not a cowboy of color.
It would've cost you 15 extra buckaroos.
I risked my life out there.
Isn't the reward in your heart enough? You saved the man's life.
All right, Sheriff Nelson, I really need that money for my half of the preschool deposit.
Oh, that's you and Rafi's responsibility.
You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
You teach a man to fish, he learns now to fish, he catches that fish, and gives it to his kid.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OUTSIDE.]
You know, I'll find that money somewhere else.
- I'll win it tonight in poker.
- Okay.
Have a good day.
Hey, Alice, got another roommate.
["SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN PLAYS ON PIANO.]
WOMAN: Hey, cowboy! [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hold your horses there.
You know you got to nickel up.
Right.
There you go.
Hoo-eee! That'll get you 30 minutes in a little piece of Heaven.
Hey, Jackie.
Fill these up and then water 'em down like we do.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, babe.
Hi, you.
[SMOOCHING.]
Hi.
Want to give me kisses? What's the matter with you? Huh? You okay? What happened? Someone touch your privates? Oh, Bridge, no, he's good.
- Hair of the dog, Bridge.
- Sure.
COLLEEN: I mean, look at that boy.
He's perfectly fine, and he's gorgeous, to boot.
Ma, don't objectify him.
We talked about that.
- Okay.
- Here you go, little Lar.
Cheers.
Mama's home.
[COLLEEN CHUCKLES.]
Something seems off with him.
Well, you know what they say, Bridgette.
Broken home, broken heart.
He'll be fine when he gets into that city school and out of this place.
You think that city school's gonna solve every problem? Better than things around here.
- What are these? - Pretty good toys.
- Those are Lincoln Logs.
- You know what kind of toys - they have at the city school? - No, I don't.
Neither do I, but they're better than these things.
Well, I'm just telling you right now, Bridgette, paying as much as a plot of land for one year of pre-K is dumb.
Rafi's paying half, so it ain't that bad.
Speaking of which, I need to borrow 20.
No way, Bridgette.
Get your hands out of there.
- Come on, Mom.
- I work hard, Bridgette, in order to save every penny to try to buy this place from Mr.
D.
Maybe you should raise the prices around here.
Listen, these are townspeople, Bridgette.
They can't afford high prices.
The only one who can afford it is Mr.
Daddy.
But then he come in every Sunday, and he drink what he like, and he fuck what he like excuse my language and then he gets everything for free.
How's that for irony? You know what irony is? It's like when people have money, but then they always never have the cash on 'em.
- He knows what irony is.
- He ain't a dumb kid.
Seen Rafi? He was supposed to meet me here.
- [COLLEEN.]
Nope.
- You seen your daddy? - LARRY: No.
- WOMAN: I think I seen him over at the church crying his pretty little eyes out.
Men and their emotions.
- WOMAN: Yes, indeed.
- WOMAN: Uh-huh.
I'm gonna go find him.
- You want to come with me, find your daddy? - No.
Keep an eye on him.
Like a hawk.
[END PIANO CHORDS.]
RAFI: [SINGING IN SPANISH.]
Pobrecito Rafi [HORSE NEIGHS.]
Madre, por favor Dios, dame fuerza It's a shame to waste that pretty voice on an empty audience.
You stood me up.
No, I-I was gonna come a-and see you.
- I-I just wanted - Rafi, quit stammering.
I just don't got the money for Larry, Bridgette.
God damn you! If you think for one second I'm gonna let you play house with that sheriff while you forget about your little boy, - you got another thing coming.
- It ain't like that.
I've been saving every nickel since I bought that stupid ring.
I just got bamboozled.
- What? - [CRYING.]
I got bamboozled.
- Oh, God.
- [CRYING.]
- Don't start crying.
- [SNIFFLES.]
Ruin your pretty face.
Rafi, what'd you get yourself into? I took a payday loan from Mr.
Daddy.
I was gonna give you the money as soon as I got home.
I wanted to surprise you.
It's just the interest was so high! A-and before I knew it, they roughed me up.
They took back everything they loaned me and then some.
You mean to tell me in trying to get a little cash, you lost all the cash? All I have left to my name is this canary-yellow ribbon.
[SOFTLY.]
Jesus Christ.
[SIGHS.]
Men and money.
I'm sorry, Bridgette.
You know what? Sorry's not gonna cut it.
We got to put down that deposit by tomorrow, or Larry's gonna lose his spot.
- Oh, no, we can't let that happen.
- No, we can't.
- Well, what should we do? - I don't know.
- You got any ideas? - Yes.
I think we could Maybe we - No, I don't have any idea.
- Yeah, well, that's cause there's only one thing we can do.
What's that? I got to stick up that payday loan office, and you got to show me where it's at.
Nuh-uh, I'm not doing that.
Uh-uh, that's dangerous.
I've heard some scary stories, Bridgette.
I'm not scared of no stories.
- Let's go.
- Well, you know what? I think I'll just stay and watch Larry - Get up! - Okay.
- Let's go.
- Okay, all right.
Bridgette! [SWEEPING MUSIC.]
RAFI: It smells delicious.
You know rabbit foot's good luck? Not for that rabbit.
Hopefully for us tomorrow.
Here, it's all ready.
- All right, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
My blood sugar was in the basement.
[ANIMAL HOWLS.]
Don't burnt your tongue.
Ahh - Look at all them stars.
- Mm.
Makes you feel less alone, don't it? Sure do.
Don't you start counting them either.
I know how you like to do that.
How many you reckon are there? - I don't know.
A lot.
- One hundred? I don't know, Rafi.
I don't think you could ever count 'em.
- Two hundred.
- You really can't guess.
There's at least 400 up there.
- Okay, that's enough.
- [TWIG SNAPS.]
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Bridgette, what was that? My six-shooter's cocked! Now come out with your hands up where I can see 'em.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ally? Bridge! [GASPS.]
Oh, am I glad to see you! You're the last person I expected to see here.
Oh, I smelled that from a literal mile away.
Do you think I could just have a little nibble? Yeah, sure, you can have some.
I-it's just a little bit hot.
- You might want to wait for - Mm.
It smelled so much better than it looks.
Ugh, forget it.
I am exhausted.
Ahh.
What are you doing out here all by your lonesome, Miss Ally? It's a sad, long story.
I don't really feel like getting into it.
Well, we were about to go to bed.
- But since you asked - Okay.
Mr.
Daddy and I have finally split up.
So now I'm shacked up with my kids down by the creek, which Ida insisted has fish in it, but it doesn't have fish in it.
It only has cattail and arrowroot, which tastes like shit! You mean to tell me you got nothing from Mr.
Daddy in the separation? No.
The minute that I told him I was gonna file, he kicked me out of the house.
And then he went and bought up every single damn lawyer in this town.
And he's frozen my line of credit at the general store.
I mean, I have nothing.
You gave it all up for him and got nothing in return.
- Nothing! - Nothing! And you're someone who had everything.
Yeah, I used to have everything.
- Didn't I, Bridgette? - You had those kids.
You had that nice house.
You have the degree, the clothes, the jewels, that body.
- ALLY: Everything.
- Now you got nothing.
- Nothing.
- And now all you're doing is living in a wagon down by the river.
Yes! It's a creek.
We prefer creek.
You know what? You should come with us.
We're gonna get my money back from your fella's payday loan operation.
- 'Cause we're outlaws.
- BRIDGE: Yeah.
It's about time you got yours.
- And you know something? - BRIDGE: What? I used to be the fastest gun in the West.
How come you never said nothing? Because I'm probably also the humblest person in the West.
Well, that's for sure.
But I don't know I mean, that was a long time ago.
It was before I had kids.
Look what I got right here.
- Why don't you give it a spin? - Oh.
All right, maybe I will give it a swirl.
Just like falling off a bike.
- Whoo! - RAFI: Oh! - BRIDGE: Huh.
- Anybody shot? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
You just want to be careful with these things.
Yeah.
Well, maybe we shouldn't make any rash decisions tonight.
You know what we should do? Let's drink! Oh, you know, we actually have to get up at sunup tomorrow.
- RAFI: Yes.
- Can't we just have one drink? I mean, one drink isn't gonna hurt anybody.
I guess one drink can't hurt.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC ENDS.]
- [GUN CLATTERS LIGHTLY.]
[GUN COCKS.]
- [GUNSHOT.]
- ALLY: Ah, shit.
RAFI: Shit! Nelson! I swear it's not what it looks like.
- ALLY: Shh! - What it looks like is you and Bridge ran off and took a little tumble in the cabbages.
I can explain.
It gets cold out here on the plains, and I thought we could use our bodies to keep warm.
Did you know that adultery is not just forbidden by God but by the law? I could have you hanged.
That's kind of extreme, Sheriff.
Well, jailed, then.
Nonetheless, you're under arrest.
- Come on.
- BRIDGE: Under arrest? No, wait a damn minute.
You can't arrest me.
All I'm doing out here is trying to get the money back from the bastards that took it from this guy.
Well, then you're under arrest for vigilantism, too.
You just think you can ride on in with your little horse and just be Rafi's hero, don't you? [SCOFFS.]
No.
I could give two shits about him.
I'm doing this for my kid.
- That's mean, Bridgette.
- ALLY: She doesn't mean it.
- Why would she say that? - She doesn't mean that.
Is that why you dropped your knickers for him - the other night, then? - I was hot.
So sue me.
And also, sometimes I like to get naked when I'm angry, and your man really ticked me off.
You know what, Bridgette? Larry doesn't need a better school.
- He needs a better mother.
- Oh, shit! - Those are fighting words.
- RAFI: Just get out the way.
- [BOTH GRUNT.]
- Stay down, bitch! Why do you women always have to resort to violence? You little liar! - [GRUNTS.]
Aah! - Ooh! Because it's fun! I'll fucking fight you, you fucking dickhead.
ALLY: Oh, I wish I had two cowboys fighting over me.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[NELSON GRUNTING.]
I wouldn't have said that - [GUNSHOT.]
- Ow! Oh, shit.
You shot me.
I shot you in the foot.
I shot you in the foot.
- You don't fight fair! - I don't know what happened.
- I just I b-blacked out.
- I got to get out of here.
- Bridgette, are you okay? - Um, I'm okay.
- Bridgette - I've never been shot before.
- Don't walk on it.
- ALLY: Where are you going? I've never been in more pain in my entire life.
Oh, people get shot in the foot all the time.
ALLY: I don't think you're in any condition - I'm okay.
- to be walking right now, Bridgette I really don't, I think - Nope, nope - Just stay away from me.
- Oh - You and I need to have - a little chat, mister.
- About what? Sit down! - BRIDGETTE: She cheated! - ALLY: Bridgette.
Let me help you.
I'm here to help.
- Take my hand.
Bridge - I'm gonna survive.
- I'm gonna survive.
- ALLY: Oh.
Oh, Bridgette.
- They touched you? - No.
- They didn't rape you? - Didn't rape me.
They didn't fondle your little butthole? As far as I know.
All we had was a relaxing night.
You had an R&R? That's even worse! - BRIDGETTE: Is the wrong - ALLY: Oh Can I give you a little boost? - ALLY: A boost? - BRIDGETTE: Nope.
- I got it.
- Oh I made it up.
I know you're worried, but you got to you got to ride like the wind, okay? Come on.
Get me to the doc.
ALLY: You're gonna ride it like that? [SWEEPING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC.]
BRIDGE: Aah ELIZA: Just a few more stitches.
Looks like Larry's gonna be a townie after all.
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-hmm.
- [MUFFLED.]
No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
No, he ain't.
You always thought you were better than us.
It's true, Bridge you do think you're better than us.
- COLLEEN: Yeah.
- Mm-mm.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Well, you guys don't get it.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.
- We don't get it? - No, you don't get it.
You think if you send Larry to that fancy school, he's gonna escape the fate given to all of us.
- Fine.
You get it.
- Right.
That school ain't help me none.
All I'm saying is things are how they are, Bridgette.
You try to change 'em, and you end up getting shot in the foot.
[GROANS.]
You ever get shot before? - Not once.
- Oh.
I'm gonna be sick.
- You are? - Bull maybe the bullet - poisoned me.
- No.
- Do I have the gangrene? - No.
Ah! Game! I did it! - You saved my life.
- I did, didn't I? - Yeah.
- I mean, it could go septic, and you could die, but I own that.
You know, you're really good at that.
You got you got a delicate touch.
I was good at Operation as a child.
Oof, it really hurts, Doctor.
Some herb for the pain.
- [COLLEEN.]
That'll help.
- Some good old sativa for you.
- All right.
- Where you going? I'm going to blow off some steam [GROANS.]
with my friend upstairs.
[SHOUTING.]
[GROANING.]
Come on.
[GRUNTING.]
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Where are you today? Come on.
I don't know.
It's not working.
Get off.
I'll just do it myself.
Yes.
You don't want to get stuck with blue clit.
Ah, come on.
- [GRUNTING SOFTLY.]
- Come on.
You can - Mm - There you go.
God damn it! I can't get hard.
It's not something to be ashamed of.
It happens to the best of them.
Not to me, it don't.
You know, we don't have to do it every single time.
Some cowboys just pay me to listen.
That wouldn't work for me.
I'm a woman of few words, George.
I know.
So try me.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Maybe my mom was right.
I shouldn't expect things from Rafi, you know? Especially now that he's marrying that cunt.
- She is a cunt.
- Right? - The biggest cunt.
- Such a cunt.
Massive, yeah.
[SIGHS.]
And if I'm honest with myself, I can't give Larry a better life.
I mean, look what it's brought me to.
I get in a shootout with my son's stepmom.
There's no winning, is there? [CHUCKLES.]
I might as well just accept it and give up.
No, no, no, no, no.
- Bridgette.
- What? You do not give up.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, George.
Look at my situation.
I was granted safe passage by Mr.
Daddy.
- Mm-hmm.
- He promised me a job as a messenger for telegrams.
I thought, I give people good news.
That makes me feel good.
- That sounds nice.
- I love giving people good news I was very excited.
And then I woke up drugged and on a ship.
And now here I am in Boston working as sex for hoping I can get my freedom someday.
Wait.
You don't enjoy this? Oh.
Oh! No, Bridgette.
Oh, with you, I I love it.
It's the best I've ever had.
- Okay.
- You're very good.
Oh.
Thank you.
But with all of the other women it causes me great pain.
I'm so sorry.
- He did this to you? - Yes.
Oh I will have that forever.
And I will not stop fighting and trying to get my freedom back.
I will not stop trying, and you cannot stop trying either.
You sweet, beautiful dumb whore.
Those are nice words, George.
Those are only words.
The sooner you learn that, the better.
Clean yourself up.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
Bye, cowboy.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[RAFI SOBBING.]
NELSON: Stop crying.
Go inside and wipe those tears away.
[TEARFULLY.]
Okay, okay, okay.
[CONTINUES SOBBING.]
It's just that we're family.
I don't want you around her.
She's just trying to get to me.
Oh, she means well.
Families fight.
Besides, it's not about you.
It's about Larry.
Do it for me and Larry.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
Aw, shit.
COLLEEN: So what do you think, Bridgette? Call.
- What you got? - Trips.
Ah.
Aces full.
- [WINCES.]
- Shit.
It's all right.
You need the money more than I do.
Use it for the saloon.
Oh? What about your fancy school? Nah, took your advice.
He's gonna go to the townie school - like the rest of us.
- Mm.
Well, then can I have the money? 'Cause my Evie has the lead poisoning from the polluted well water in Mr.
Daddy's coal mine.
Evie looks all right to me.
Yeah, I mean, lead never hurt nobody.
- Look at us.
We're fine.
- I could use it, too.
My niece is sitting in a cage on the border - since her mom got deported.
- Yeah, right.
Stop your lying.
This is America.
- We don't put kids in cages! - Come on, that is bull! Shit.
I'm 25.
All I want to do is own my own cage.
Mr.
Daddy he owns all the housing stocks.
- Asshole.
- BRIDGE: Well divvy it up however you guys see fit.
All righty.
All right, we gonna play again? Well, it's a two-dollar buy-in, Bridge.
Uh, in that case, deal me out and pour me another.
Not so fast.
Oh, look, it's the Sheriff.
What, did you come to shoot me in the other foot? - Came to cover you.
- [COIN CLATTERS.]
Why would you do that? 'Cause we're family.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I don't know about all that, but I'll take it.
All right, deal me in.
COLLEEN: Ante up, everybody.
[COINS CLATTER.]
- [COLLEEN.]
What the - What's that? Cowboy tax.
I don't know what to say.
- EVIE: Let's play again.
- LARRY: I don't want to play.
EVIE: Come on, Larry.
I give up.
Hey.
What did you just say? - I give up.
- No, no, no.
You can't give up.
No, we don't give up in this family.
What'd I teach you about the cowboy code? What's a cowboy code? You know what the cowboy code is.
It means if you're down and out, you dust off your boots and get back on that horse.
Hey, look at me.
You hear what I'm saying? - Mm, no.
- Aw, come on, Lar.
- [HORSE NEIGHING.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
BRIDGE: Aw, shit.
Here the bastard comes now.
Oh, Jackie, line up the boys.
- Well, what if you didn't? - What do you mean? I Just mean what kind of example are we setting, Ma? See what just happened? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I'm a Bird.
You are a Bird.
And no cage ensnares us.
Ain't that why our granny settled out here in the first place? So we could live our lives how we wanted to live 'em.
Instead, we just ended up as doormats for Mr.
Daddy to wipe his boots off on.
I don't know about y'all, but that ain't why I wear this hat.
I put on this Stetson, and I feel my ma.
That's you.
And I feel my ma's ma.
- That's Grandma.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
I feel my grandma's ma and my grandma's ma's ma and my grandma's ma's ma's ma's ma.
I love our grandma's grandma's ma.
- Yeah.
- All those women taught me what true grit really was.
Ain't that right, Ma? Well, yeah.
I mean, they were fighters.
They fought so we could have a better life than they did.
If we just roll over kind of like pissing on their tombstones.
And I don't want to piss on their tombstones no more.
Me neither.
A wise whore once told me to never give up.
So we can stay here, let Mr.
Daddy screw us six ways to Sunday, or we could go confront his greedy ass, take back what's ours, and live by a code worthy of this hat.
So who's with me? - Whoo! - Me too! - #MeToo! Hell, yeah.
- [CHEERING.]
We can shoot some shots, though, first, right? - WOMAN: Yeah! - BRIDGE: Give me my gun! We're gonna need guns and bullets.
Load 'em up, boys.
Load 'em up.
- MAN: Get off the street! - MAN 2: Get off the street! [PANICKED CHATTER.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
MAN: Help me, help me! MAN: Get out of that there saloon.
MAN: Sorry! Sorry! Excuse us! - Sorry! - Excuse us! Well, look here, boys.
Today, Mr.
D.
, is collections day.
No more damn freebees at the saloon.
Time's up.
No more raping, pillaging, murdering, stealing, philandering, deporting There's so many.
What else is there? The poisoning.
The poisoning.
Yeah.
It's about time that you wrote us a big-ass check and got the hell up out of this town.
I'd suggest you ladies take your hands off them holsters if you know what's good for you.
Last chance, Mr.
Daddy.
[HOCKS LOUDLY, SPITS.]
Okay, that's gross.
And I'd suggest you comply, and may the Holy Mother have mercy on your soul.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- MAN: What the hell? - What the fuck, Jackie? Seriously, I had no idea how that happened.
- MAN: Draw, boys! - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
MAN: Cover, cover, boys! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I am Shiva, Goddess of Destruction! MAN: You protect Mr.
Daddy! Aah! Whoo! Good burn, baby! Shit.
Bridge, we're outgunned.
- I know.
- [GUNSHOTS.]
Stay down, Evie! Stay down! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Hey I'm sorry about the lap dance.
I get why you'd be hotter than blue blazes over that, okay? And I'm sorry about the drunken 2 a.
m.
phone calls and the "throwing farts" game we do.
- And the "pet the kitty"? - Yeah.
That too.
Oh, shit.
But I promise you if we get out of here alive, I'm gonna do better.
- Okay.
- Okay? [BREATHLESSLY.]
Okay.
Okay.
What's the plan now, partner? [GUNSHOTS, MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SOLEMN MUSIC.]
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
There's only one thing we can do.
Give them bastards hell.
Shit! [EPIC MUSIC.]
[GUNS CLICK.]
End of the road, ladies.
- And I'm still standing.
- Bridge.
MR.
DADDY: You want to know why? 'Cause I got a big swinging peckerwood, and so long as I do, Jesus Christ Himself couldn't shoot me down.
So let this be a lesson to the rest of you.
[GUNS COCK.]
Any last words? ALLY: I got one.
[GUN COCKS.]
Ally? Vasectomy.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- Ooh! [GROANING.]
- [DADDY GRUNTING.]
- I still got it.
- [DADDY GRUNTING.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, you do.
- [MOANING.]
- Ugh.
Damn it! Ow! Ow! [SOFT MUSIC.]
Guess whose birthday it is next week.
[GASPS.]
It's Larry's birthday! TJ wants to throw him this big old party, so we're gonna do it at her house.
- I hope you can come.
- Oh, I'd love to come.
I really would.
I'll get him a pony.
BRIDGE: You're gonna get him a pony? Yeah, I was just gonna get him a pony.
Oh, oh, then you get him one.
No, no, it's okay.
I can't really afford one anyways.
- You get him the pony.
- Go halfsies? You can get two and just say one's from me.
Sure.
Yeah.
I'd love to do that.
- You can pay me back later.
- A rainbow pony.
He wants a rainbow pony.
[SIGHS.]
Where are we gonna find one of those? You guys got everything? You got enough to drink? All right, gonna dig in.
Oh, uh yep.
We say grace in this house.
I don't really do that.
Oh, well, you can always try.
Come on, let's do it.
You don't want to pray, do you? - Yes.
- [SIGHS.]
Fine.
All right, hands together, everyone.
First time for everything.
Rafi, would you like to do the honors? Of course.
Dear Lord - Who doesn't exist.
- Bridgette.
[WHISPERING.]
He doesn't exist, okay? - RAFI: Dear lord, who - Don't get your hopes up.
Dear Lord who does exist, thank You for this food, and thank You for this beautiful family.
Awoman.
- NELSON: Awoman.
- BRIDGE: Awoman.
- RAFI: Let's eat.
- BRIDGE: Let's eat.
- NELSON: All right.
- BRIDGE: What do you want? - NELSON: Ooh, where to start? - BRIDGE: You got to say it - with your words.
- RAFI: What do you want? LARRY: Kool-Aid.
No more cows To be ropin' No more strays Will I see Round the bend She'll be waitin' WOMAN: Supahsmaht.