SuperMansion (2015) s02e09 Episode Script
Logs Day Journey Into Night
1 [music.]
- You weren't really on the League of Freedom.
- Yes, I was, Sandra.
[laughs.]
Oh, I know.
I'm just having fun with you.
Yeah, it's a real blast.
Look, I get it.
You're robo-curious, and you want to make daddy angry.
Oh, n no, no.
You You got the wrong idea.
I'm legitimately curious about what happened to the League.
Cool, the story's a real pick-me-up.
Rex was assumed to be a Subtopian spy, leading to the shutdown of the League, and we're barred from superheroing for three years.
This is the point I would run out of the room sobbing if robots could cry.
I am gonna [bleeps.]
that robot.
Hey, Robobot.
You caught up on "Thrones"? Three eps behind, don't say a word.
Robobot! You know I'm not supposed to show you this stuff! You're a temp! Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll leave.
Wouldn't want to [emphatically.]
shake things up.
[laughs.]
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
- What are we looking at? - Check this out.
[beeps.]
More deep tectonic shifts along the Nazca Plate.
Any drill rigs in the area? Nothing that could move along the fault line at these speeds.
[beeping.]
- Subtopians.
- Like Titanium Rex? Does he know? I wish I could answer that.
No one knows where Rex is.
[birds cawing.]
[music.]
[chopping.]
Don't the new guy know it's break time? - Why he still chopping? - That boy ain't chopping wood.
He's beating off his demons.
That was a poor choice of words.
He's got a fire inside him, is is the point.
[dramatic music.]
[theme music.]
[grunting.]
[screeches.]
2x09 - Logs Day Journey Into Night Agony: And then we loop back around, and we are back in the foyer.
Now, what do we think? We want you want to put in the offer? What part of "reasonably priced, low-maintenance condo" didn't you understand? Tell you what.
I'm gonna do you a solid and e-mail you listings for the next five years.
[door opens.]
We'll find you something Robobot! [door closes.]
What the hell are you doing here?! I could ask you the same thing.
I'm selling the place.
Got my real-estate license! So that's it, then? The government is really giving up on the League.
You just said a mouthful of very true words.
- Is anyone left? - I think Marjorie holed up in the attic.
I'd like to use the mansion's computer to track the League's whereabouts.
- No one has seen them in months.
- Go ahead.
[glass shatters.]
Marjorie! I told you to pack your shit and get out! [beeping.]
If the team are all responsible adults like me, they should be easy to track and what's this? Robobot, if you're watching this, it means I've left the League - Rex! - which either means I'm dead or something's gone terribly, terribly wrong.
There are things you need to know.
[grunts.]
I'll never get over how much wood you cut with one hand, Jack.
- Jack! Jack Lumber! - Huh? What's the matter? And don't you know your own name? Oh, sorry.
My mind was elsewhere.
Been wanting to ask you, Jack, what happened to your hand? Oh, this? A little memento from my other life, a life I left behind.
Could we get just a hair more information about the hand? It's an aggressively large cast.
Fine.
I was mangled by a grizzly bear.
Does that help? - Yeah.
- I'm I'm good.
I think we got it.
You boys cut all this tree yourselves? - Well, actually, it was mostly - It was all three of us.
Well, I sure do appreciate it.
Now, head on home to your families.
There's more to life than just lumberjacking.
Thanks, Jack.
You know what? We make a great team.
I'll do all the work and share the credit, but I don't have a team.
Is that clear? Let's all relax.
We got a good thing going here.
Old Pappy pays us a fair wage and treats us like family, not the degenerate pieces of shit we are.
- Now, Deek, that's your issue.
- I know, Grizz, and I'm working on it.
- See you around, guys.
- It ain't healthy spending all your free time alone, Jack.
[melancholy music.]
Ah, believe me, Grizz, it's better this way.
I don't care what the bank says, Rector! I'm not selling to a lumber baron who's gonna slash my men's wages and work 'em to the bone.
You sure about that, huh? It'd be a shame if something bad happened to your place.
- Now, I know you're not threatening me.
- Torch the place! Whoa, whoa.
No, no.
Okay, okay, okay.
We played cards.
You called my bluff.
Just give me a little bit of time to think about it? Sure.
Six hours, and the clock starts now.
[twig snaps.]
Whoa! What are you looking at, backwards Gandalf? - Nothing.
I don't want any trouble.
- Then stay away from me.
Let's go, boys.
Marcus Rector out.
Pappy? Everything okay? Oh, yeah, everything's peachy-keen, jelly bean [laughs.]
as long as our three-men crew can clear-cut 4,000 acres of forest in the next day and a half.
[country music.]
You had your unemployment check sent to the bar? [drunkenly.]
Throw it in the garbage.
American Ranger doesn't suckle from U-Uncle Sam's teat! - How much How much are these chicken wings? - 10.
99.
- 10.
9 Give me that thing! - Robobot: Excuse me.
Has anyone seen American Ranger? No, they haven't, not since he found out his [slurping.]
best friend was a Subtopian spy.
Rex protected us from his people as long as he could.
[voice breaking.]
And then the coward disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
[microphone feedback.]
Excuse me.
I'm up.
- Karaoke starts in 15 - Shut up! "America, 'Tis of Thee" in five, two, one.
My country tis of thee Took a big dump on me $10 wings - # Land where my hope has died # - Okay, I'm shutting this down.
[crying.]
# Land where my best friend lied # [grunts.]
[dogs barking.]
How'd you end up in the pound, Cooch? I didn't know where else to go, and I heard this place took in strays.
Cooch, it's time.
Cool! My turn to take a nap.
See you guys around.
Cooch, this is a 100% kill facility.
- This man is here to slaughter you.
- Wait a minute.
You said I could sleep here as long as I want.
We said we'd put you to sleep "forever.
" Same [bleeps.]
thing! [gagging.]
Come on, everyone.
We're getting out of here.
Hey, you know what? You go to hell.
[keys clink.]
Hey, dillweed! We need to talk to you! You guys already got Portia to break up with me.
What else do you want? Wait, you want me back on the team.
[laughs.]
Well, I hope you like vicious bidding wars - with hotel management, because there is - Shut it up! Where's Saturn? Oh, well, I'm not really supposed to tell you guys.
Hmm, hmm? How about we don't break your fingers inst instead? I'm sorry.
I'm very drunk.
Courtney, by telling us where Saturn is, you could quite possibly be saving the world.
Save the world or park this Miata? [suspenseful music.]
Okay, I'll do it, but I got to warn you, it's pretty ugly.
The bastard thinks he can get away from me that easily? Not a goddamn chance.
[door opens.]
- He's in here.
- Mom! What the hell?! Your friends are here.
Maybe they can help you - [emphatically.]
get a job! - Not in front of my team! [lock clicks.]
Damn, dude! Internet checkers? I'm sorry you had to see me like this.
I know you all look up to me as a leader.
Well, guess what? The Easter Bunny isn't real, the Wizard of Oz is just a man, and Black Saturn has moved back in with his parents! Rex's disappearance hurt all of us, but even though the world doesn't know it yet, they still need the League.
He's not taking "no" for an answer! There are an awful lot of wadded-up tissues on the floor.
- What, do you have a cold? - I do not.
Okay.
Put on some pants! We're getting the [bleeps.]
out of here.
Gingerly, people.
[grunts.]
[country music.]
This is the life, Grizz a cold, cold beer and a flushable toilet.
No comment? Okay, you just gonna leave me hanging? Jack! Jack Lumber! I thought you didn't fraternize with your coworkers.
Just grabbing a drink, Grizz.
Got some memories that won't stay buried.
A mug of Jasper's Mud Bark Ale will tamp 'em down nicely.
This ain't Jasper's place anymore, Deek.
- He sold it to Rector.
- Oh, that's right.
- You got any family, Jack? - None that I would want to talk about.
- Can we change the subject? - Ever butt-chugged a beer? My family and I never saw eye to eye, so I left when I was young.
Made a new one for myself, but ended up letting them down.
[door slams open.]
Well, what do we have here? Oh, no.
What's Elton doing here? - Who? - Marcus Rector's son.
Fancies himself a lumberjack just because his daddy bought up half the valley.
Haven't seen you around, sad, anorexic Santa.
Oh, what's the matter? Nobody believe in you anymore? Something like that.
Careful, Elton.
We don't work for your daddy.
- Looks like that's fixin' to change.
- Just sign the damn thing, Pappy, - so we can call it a night.
- I ain't selling! Start with his pinky and work your way to his dick.
I think it's time for you gentlemen to leave.
Not that I don't like taking orders from a denim scarecrow, but I'm gonna kindly ask you to piss off.
You just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Oh, oh, oh! Careful, careful! You wouldn't want these boys to see what you're capable of, would ya, [whispers.]
Titanium Rex? - What did he say, Jack? - No Nothing.
I-I should be going.
[melancholy music.]
You see that, Pappy, huh? Your men don't have any fight left in them.
I'd put anyone in my crew up against any one of yours! Look, I'm a fair man.
How about we handle this the old-fashioned way? If one of your men can out-chop my son, I'll leave you be.
If not, your business is mine.
Now, in this scenario, do you break all my fingers and my dick? - No dick-breaking.
- If Grizz can't out-chop Elton, then I ain't got no business lumberjacking.
Oh! Oh, I wasn't talking about Elton.
I was talking about my other son, Billy Joel.
[growls.]
[ominous music.]
Ha! Me and the missus were big music fans in the '80s, if you're wondering about the names.
You're probably all wondering why I've reassembled the League.
[drunkenly.]
I was perfectly happy in that bar! At least I had my music.
# Oh, beau # - No, stop.
- Oh, you're in here? - Yeah.
- Uh, do you need the whole room? - That's why I booked it, Lisa.
- Okay, sorry.
What are we doing here? We all know we're nothing without Rex! - [sobs.]
We're shit! - I was doing okay.
[mimics buzzer.]
You were a valet.
Hey, people trusted me with their cars.
Don't you tell me what to do! [group arguing.]
I knew this was going to happen.
[intercom beeps.]
Send her in.
- You guys wrapping up? - No, Lisa.
We are just getting started.
Gotcha.
Uh, if you finish early I'll call you.
Portia, you can come in.
Portia! [clears throat.]
You're looking good.
- I'm a singer now.
- What? No, Portia.
Over here.
Look at me.
You know what? [music.]
You all did this to yourselves.
You let Rex be your father, and now your daddy has run off.
What you don't understand is this this is an opportunity.
Each and every one of you is a star.
You just haven't had the chance to shine yet.
Well, now is your time to shine, - so shine! - She's right! Robobot, what can the League do for the world today? I'm glad you asked.
[door opens.]
Portia, wh-wh where are you going? Oh, I thought I was done here.
Was kind of counting on you to keep the team motivated.
Damn it.
I have shit to do.
My ex sitting right there, eyeballing me, and I wanted to go.
Okay, I'll start with the seismic data we recorded when Dax arrived from Subtopia.
So, as you can see, there's another 3,000 square feet down here, maybe make a home theater, something like that.
Okay, you wanted to see the basement.
I showed you the basement, so let's head upstairs and sign the papers.
When my people come, you will be the first to burn.
Okay, I-I don't like that.
I'm gonna have to sleep on it.
Okay, but I got buyers knocking my doors down! - God damn it, Dax! You are not helping! - Not trying to.
You keep talking like your people coming for you, but I saw how Washington went down.
Rex stopped your beacon before it had a chance to broadcast a signal.
What if that wasn't my only beacon? Now, we both know you only had one beacon.
[suspenseful music.]
- If that's what you'd like to believe.
- Well, it is.
[clicks tongue.]
[beeps.]
Yeah, I'm gonna need to talk to the president.
We might be looking at an additional beacon.
That's right.
One additional beacon.
What's the matter, Pappy? Looks like your Dumbledore didn't even show.
Maybe he had himself a Quidditch match.
Jack's his own man.
Are we gonna do this or not? Three challenges! Best of three wins it all! We start with the ax throw.
Big balls! Big balls on my baby boy.
I'd like to see you beat that! Then you're gonna love this.
I ran an ax-throwing booth at a ren fair for 15 years.
For the good Lord, son.
[whispers.]
That's nothing you want to be saying out loud.
The only conclusion I can draw is that a Subtopian army is following Dax's route to the surface.
If I'm right, Storm City is in serious trouble.
- I'm hoping you have a plan.
- I don't, but luckily Rex Hey! Just curious, did you book the room for the whole hour? - Yeah.
- Because we've got a meeting in 10 minutes.
- I got it.
- It's just that it's catered and, well, we'd like to set up [shouting.]
I booked the goddamn room, Lisa, and I will leave at the appointed time! Okay.
[yelps.]
As I was saying, Rex always knew there was a slim chance the Subtopians would find him.
As a precaution, he kept a fail-safe an Anti-Magno Rod lethal to his people.
[laughs.]
I can't wait to see the looks on their dumb, little faces.
There is one problem.
Lex stole the rod months ago.
If we're going to save our city, we'll have to get it back.
We have absolutely no idea where the Injustice Club is holed up.
The Anti-Magno Rod gives off a very specific form of radiation.
If I could track it, I could God damn it, Lisa! What?! Just seeing if you were done.
I am not! You're driving me [bleeps.]
crazy, man.
Sorry, sorry.
Let me know! We've been forbidden to fight crime by the U.
S.
government.
If we go after the Injustice Club, we'll be villains, just like them.
Just like them.
Saturn, you've given me an idea! But I am not leaving this room before my time is up.
Let's all stand quietly for the next 36 seconds.
[clock ticking.]
[thumps.]
No one look at her.
First one whose back hits the ground loses.
[grunting.]
Oh, oh! Oh! [laughs.]
Oh! Did I mention that my jousting name was Patronius at the ren fair's interactive stage show for three years running? [groans.]
Finish him off, Grizz! [British accent.]
The name's Patronius, and now, in front of Camelot, I do banish you.
Oh, shit! He's having a flashback! [chuckles.]
Grizz: And don't forget to swing by King Arthur's Mead and Meats tent for Aah! Nooo! Grizz, Grizz.
I'm sorry, King Arthur.
I've failed you.
- You maimed my man! - Certainly looks that way! Ba-dam! Seeing as how the next event is a tree-chopping contest, I'm assuming you're forfeiting.
We'll just see what Deek has to say.
Oh, nope.
He's running away.
We'll never catch him.
You're our only hope.
I'm I'm sorry.
I- I just can't.
See that? Jack's not on your team no more.
A deal's a deal.
Sign here.
It's okay, Jack.
Not everyone is born to be a hero.
[dramatic music.]
No but some of us are.
Oh, oh, oh! Careful, careful.
Let's chop some mother[bleeps.]
trees down.
The villains have assembled here? What happened to this place? They made the fatal mistake of opening next to an Arby's.
That's Business 101.
Yeah, you want to give that roast beef a wide berth.
[coughing.]
[snoring.]
Shh, shh, shh! Looks like it's nap time.
Oh, Jesus.
There are Arby's wrappers everywhere.
[squeaks.]
What? Holy shit! It's the League.
[clamoring.]
- We come in peace.
- Bullshit! Everyone relax.
We're operating outside the law, just like you.
God damn it, eat them! Look, we're about to face a threat bigger than all of us.
If we don't join forces, we may as well just lay down and die.
[laughs.]
Us join you? Without Rex, you're an unorganized study in incompetence.
Lex, I know you stole Rex's Anti-Magno Rod.
And this story's boring.
Keep going.
Yeah, we're gonna need that back.
[laughs.]
Oh, oh.
You do make me laugh.
How about we beat the ever-living shit out of you instead? [dramatic music.]
You have three minutes to fell as many trees as you can.
Too bad you only got one hand there, Santy.
I'll be fine, asshole.
Let's get this show on the road.
[growling.]
Ready, set, go! [maniacal laughter.]
Sure you want to do that, Rex? This really could put a damper on your retirement.
Might have to tell everyone who you really are.
Mm-mm-mm.
You will have nowhere left to hide.
I don't hear much chopping coming from Jack's side.
There's only a minute left! Marcus has a big smile on his face.
I knew you'd see things my way, Rex.
Hell, how about I give you a job on my crew? You know, Marcus, I hid here because I was ashamed of myself.
But maybe being a hero isn't about being perfect.
Maybe it's about showing up when it counts and, by damn, standing up to assholes like you will always count.
[yelps.]
No! Whoa.
[shouts.]
[shouts.]
[yells.]
[gun cocks.]
I told you not to cross me, Rex.
Now your friends are ding-a-ling dead.
It's a simple rule, Marcus.
You don't threaten a superhuman from the depths of Subtopia.
- Are we clear? - Yeah, we're clear, we're clear! I'm leaving.
I'm going.
Come on, let me go.
- My lips are sealed, baby boy.
- Jack? The name's Rex Titanium Rex.
Well, I don't care if your name is Skippy Skunk-Dick.
You just saved my business.
- Yeah, yeah! - [laughs.]
Whoo-hoo! - Come here, guys! - Where will you go now, Rex? - Look who came back.
- I was hoping y'all had forgot about that.
No, not a bitch move like that.
But to answer your question, I'm not going anywhere.
I think I've finally found peace, and I owe it all to my new team.
And if they reach the surface, that Anti-Magno Rod might be the only thing that can stop them.
- An army? - Yes, of Subtopians.
You should know how dangerous that is, being half-Subtopian yourself.
Hmm, the half that came from Rex.
And now you're telling me you need my help to kill all of his people? Well, we hadn't really discussed murder yet, but I'm in! I mean, whatever.
I'm in.
Cool! Let's see that Rod! It's gone.
Devizo! Oh, right.
Where is Devizo? [sniffs.]
Nothing like fresh mountain air to [farting noise.]
Oh, this thing really works.
- [coughs.]
Oh, Jesus.
- Devizo [groans.]
You didn't think I'd let you get away that easy, did you? [laughs evilly.]
Yes, I did cancel the open house.
Well, I thought when I started the job at RE/MAX, that it was understood that the safety of the entire world would come first! [rumbling.]
Oh, hell no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[dramatic music.]
My drill pod! You found it.
The signal was weak and the journey was hard, but we are here.
So this is the surface world.
No, no, no.
This is a shitty basement.
- Yeah, but it's got potential! - Well, that was weird.
[energy crackles.]
Yes, he's been trying to sell this structure for three weeks.
Little does he know that all of the surface now belongs to Subtopia!
- You weren't really on the League of Freedom.
- Yes, I was, Sandra.
[laughs.]
Oh, I know.
I'm just having fun with you.
Yeah, it's a real blast.
Look, I get it.
You're robo-curious, and you want to make daddy angry.
Oh, n no, no.
You You got the wrong idea.
I'm legitimately curious about what happened to the League.
Cool, the story's a real pick-me-up.
Rex was assumed to be a Subtopian spy, leading to the shutdown of the League, and we're barred from superheroing for three years.
This is the point I would run out of the room sobbing if robots could cry.
I am gonna [bleeps.]
that robot.
Hey, Robobot.
You caught up on "Thrones"? Three eps behind, don't say a word.
Robobot! You know I'm not supposed to show you this stuff! You're a temp! Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll leave.
Wouldn't want to [emphatically.]
shake things up.
[laughs.]
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
- What are we looking at? - Check this out.
[beeps.]
More deep tectonic shifts along the Nazca Plate.
Any drill rigs in the area? Nothing that could move along the fault line at these speeds.
[beeping.]
- Subtopians.
- Like Titanium Rex? Does he know? I wish I could answer that.
No one knows where Rex is.
[birds cawing.]
[music.]
[chopping.]
Don't the new guy know it's break time? - Why he still chopping? - That boy ain't chopping wood.
He's beating off his demons.
That was a poor choice of words.
He's got a fire inside him, is is the point.
[dramatic music.]
[theme music.]
[grunting.]
[screeches.]
2x09 - Logs Day Journey Into Night Agony: And then we loop back around, and we are back in the foyer.
Now, what do we think? We want you want to put in the offer? What part of "reasonably priced, low-maintenance condo" didn't you understand? Tell you what.
I'm gonna do you a solid and e-mail you listings for the next five years.
[door opens.]
We'll find you something Robobot! [door closes.]
What the hell are you doing here?! I could ask you the same thing.
I'm selling the place.
Got my real-estate license! So that's it, then? The government is really giving up on the League.
You just said a mouthful of very true words.
- Is anyone left? - I think Marjorie holed up in the attic.
I'd like to use the mansion's computer to track the League's whereabouts.
- No one has seen them in months.
- Go ahead.
[glass shatters.]
Marjorie! I told you to pack your shit and get out! [beeping.]
If the team are all responsible adults like me, they should be easy to track and what's this? Robobot, if you're watching this, it means I've left the League - Rex! - which either means I'm dead or something's gone terribly, terribly wrong.
There are things you need to know.
[grunts.]
I'll never get over how much wood you cut with one hand, Jack.
- Jack! Jack Lumber! - Huh? What's the matter? And don't you know your own name? Oh, sorry.
My mind was elsewhere.
Been wanting to ask you, Jack, what happened to your hand? Oh, this? A little memento from my other life, a life I left behind.
Could we get just a hair more information about the hand? It's an aggressively large cast.
Fine.
I was mangled by a grizzly bear.
Does that help? - Yeah.
- I'm I'm good.
I think we got it.
You boys cut all this tree yourselves? - Well, actually, it was mostly - It was all three of us.
Well, I sure do appreciate it.
Now, head on home to your families.
There's more to life than just lumberjacking.
Thanks, Jack.
You know what? We make a great team.
I'll do all the work and share the credit, but I don't have a team.
Is that clear? Let's all relax.
We got a good thing going here.
Old Pappy pays us a fair wage and treats us like family, not the degenerate pieces of shit we are.
- Now, Deek, that's your issue.
- I know, Grizz, and I'm working on it.
- See you around, guys.
- It ain't healthy spending all your free time alone, Jack.
[melancholy music.]
Ah, believe me, Grizz, it's better this way.
I don't care what the bank says, Rector! I'm not selling to a lumber baron who's gonna slash my men's wages and work 'em to the bone.
You sure about that, huh? It'd be a shame if something bad happened to your place.
- Now, I know you're not threatening me.
- Torch the place! Whoa, whoa.
No, no.
Okay, okay, okay.
We played cards.
You called my bluff.
Just give me a little bit of time to think about it? Sure.
Six hours, and the clock starts now.
[twig snaps.]
Whoa! What are you looking at, backwards Gandalf? - Nothing.
I don't want any trouble.
- Then stay away from me.
Let's go, boys.
Marcus Rector out.
Pappy? Everything okay? Oh, yeah, everything's peachy-keen, jelly bean [laughs.]
as long as our three-men crew can clear-cut 4,000 acres of forest in the next day and a half.
[country music.]
You had your unemployment check sent to the bar? [drunkenly.]
Throw it in the garbage.
American Ranger doesn't suckle from U-Uncle Sam's teat! - How much How much are these chicken wings? - 10.
99.
- 10.
9 Give me that thing! - Robobot: Excuse me.
Has anyone seen American Ranger? No, they haven't, not since he found out his [slurping.]
best friend was a Subtopian spy.
Rex protected us from his people as long as he could.
[voice breaking.]
And then the coward disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
[microphone feedback.]
Excuse me.
I'm up.
- Karaoke starts in 15 - Shut up! "America, 'Tis of Thee" in five, two, one.
My country tis of thee Took a big dump on me $10 wings - # Land where my hope has died # - Okay, I'm shutting this down.
[crying.]
# Land where my best friend lied # [grunts.]
[dogs barking.]
How'd you end up in the pound, Cooch? I didn't know where else to go, and I heard this place took in strays.
Cooch, it's time.
Cool! My turn to take a nap.
See you guys around.
Cooch, this is a 100% kill facility.
- This man is here to slaughter you.
- Wait a minute.
You said I could sleep here as long as I want.
We said we'd put you to sleep "forever.
" Same [bleeps.]
thing! [gagging.]
Come on, everyone.
We're getting out of here.
Hey, you know what? You go to hell.
[keys clink.]
Hey, dillweed! We need to talk to you! You guys already got Portia to break up with me.
What else do you want? Wait, you want me back on the team.
[laughs.]
Well, I hope you like vicious bidding wars - with hotel management, because there is - Shut it up! Where's Saturn? Oh, well, I'm not really supposed to tell you guys.
Hmm, hmm? How about we don't break your fingers inst instead? I'm sorry.
I'm very drunk.
Courtney, by telling us where Saturn is, you could quite possibly be saving the world.
Save the world or park this Miata? [suspenseful music.]
Okay, I'll do it, but I got to warn you, it's pretty ugly.
The bastard thinks he can get away from me that easily? Not a goddamn chance.
[door opens.]
- He's in here.
- Mom! What the hell?! Your friends are here.
Maybe they can help you - [emphatically.]
get a job! - Not in front of my team! [lock clicks.]
Damn, dude! Internet checkers? I'm sorry you had to see me like this.
I know you all look up to me as a leader.
Well, guess what? The Easter Bunny isn't real, the Wizard of Oz is just a man, and Black Saturn has moved back in with his parents! Rex's disappearance hurt all of us, but even though the world doesn't know it yet, they still need the League.
He's not taking "no" for an answer! There are an awful lot of wadded-up tissues on the floor.
- What, do you have a cold? - I do not.
Okay.
Put on some pants! We're getting the [bleeps.]
out of here.
Gingerly, people.
[grunts.]
[country music.]
This is the life, Grizz a cold, cold beer and a flushable toilet.
No comment? Okay, you just gonna leave me hanging? Jack! Jack Lumber! I thought you didn't fraternize with your coworkers.
Just grabbing a drink, Grizz.
Got some memories that won't stay buried.
A mug of Jasper's Mud Bark Ale will tamp 'em down nicely.
This ain't Jasper's place anymore, Deek.
- He sold it to Rector.
- Oh, that's right.
- You got any family, Jack? - None that I would want to talk about.
- Can we change the subject? - Ever butt-chugged a beer? My family and I never saw eye to eye, so I left when I was young.
Made a new one for myself, but ended up letting them down.
[door slams open.]
Well, what do we have here? Oh, no.
What's Elton doing here? - Who? - Marcus Rector's son.
Fancies himself a lumberjack just because his daddy bought up half the valley.
Haven't seen you around, sad, anorexic Santa.
Oh, what's the matter? Nobody believe in you anymore? Something like that.
Careful, Elton.
We don't work for your daddy.
- Looks like that's fixin' to change.
- Just sign the damn thing, Pappy, - so we can call it a night.
- I ain't selling! Start with his pinky and work your way to his dick.
I think it's time for you gentlemen to leave.
Not that I don't like taking orders from a denim scarecrow, but I'm gonna kindly ask you to piss off.
You just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Oh, oh, oh! Careful, careful! You wouldn't want these boys to see what you're capable of, would ya, [whispers.]
Titanium Rex? - What did he say, Jack? - No Nothing.
I-I should be going.
[melancholy music.]
You see that, Pappy, huh? Your men don't have any fight left in them.
I'd put anyone in my crew up against any one of yours! Look, I'm a fair man.
How about we handle this the old-fashioned way? If one of your men can out-chop my son, I'll leave you be.
If not, your business is mine.
Now, in this scenario, do you break all my fingers and my dick? - No dick-breaking.
- If Grizz can't out-chop Elton, then I ain't got no business lumberjacking.
Oh! Oh, I wasn't talking about Elton.
I was talking about my other son, Billy Joel.
[growls.]
[ominous music.]
Ha! Me and the missus were big music fans in the '80s, if you're wondering about the names.
You're probably all wondering why I've reassembled the League.
[drunkenly.]
I was perfectly happy in that bar! At least I had my music.
# Oh, beau # - No, stop.
- Oh, you're in here? - Yeah.
- Uh, do you need the whole room? - That's why I booked it, Lisa.
- Okay, sorry.
What are we doing here? We all know we're nothing without Rex! - [sobs.]
We're shit! - I was doing okay.
[mimics buzzer.]
You were a valet.
Hey, people trusted me with their cars.
Don't you tell me what to do! [group arguing.]
I knew this was going to happen.
[intercom beeps.]
Send her in.
- You guys wrapping up? - No, Lisa.
We are just getting started.
Gotcha.
Uh, if you finish early I'll call you.
Portia, you can come in.
Portia! [clears throat.]
You're looking good.
- I'm a singer now.
- What? No, Portia.
Over here.
Look at me.
You know what? [music.]
You all did this to yourselves.
You let Rex be your father, and now your daddy has run off.
What you don't understand is this this is an opportunity.
Each and every one of you is a star.
You just haven't had the chance to shine yet.
Well, now is your time to shine, - so shine! - She's right! Robobot, what can the League do for the world today? I'm glad you asked.
[door opens.]
Portia, wh-wh where are you going? Oh, I thought I was done here.
Was kind of counting on you to keep the team motivated.
Damn it.
I have shit to do.
My ex sitting right there, eyeballing me, and I wanted to go.
Okay, I'll start with the seismic data we recorded when Dax arrived from Subtopia.
So, as you can see, there's another 3,000 square feet down here, maybe make a home theater, something like that.
Okay, you wanted to see the basement.
I showed you the basement, so let's head upstairs and sign the papers.
When my people come, you will be the first to burn.
Okay, I-I don't like that.
I'm gonna have to sleep on it.
Okay, but I got buyers knocking my doors down! - God damn it, Dax! You are not helping! - Not trying to.
You keep talking like your people coming for you, but I saw how Washington went down.
Rex stopped your beacon before it had a chance to broadcast a signal.
What if that wasn't my only beacon? Now, we both know you only had one beacon.
[suspenseful music.]
- If that's what you'd like to believe.
- Well, it is.
[clicks tongue.]
[beeps.]
Yeah, I'm gonna need to talk to the president.
We might be looking at an additional beacon.
That's right.
One additional beacon.
What's the matter, Pappy? Looks like your Dumbledore didn't even show.
Maybe he had himself a Quidditch match.
Jack's his own man.
Are we gonna do this or not? Three challenges! Best of three wins it all! We start with the ax throw.
Big balls! Big balls on my baby boy.
I'd like to see you beat that! Then you're gonna love this.
I ran an ax-throwing booth at a ren fair for 15 years.
For the good Lord, son.
[whispers.]
That's nothing you want to be saying out loud.
The only conclusion I can draw is that a Subtopian army is following Dax's route to the surface.
If I'm right, Storm City is in serious trouble.
- I'm hoping you have a plan.
- I don't, but luckily Rex Hey! Just curious, did you book the room for the whole hour? - Yeah.
- Because we've got a meeting in 10 minutes.
- I got it.
- It's just that it's catered and, well, we'd like to set up [shouting.]
I booked the goddamn room, Lisa, and I will leave at the appointed time! Okay.
[yelps.]
As I was saying, Rex always knew there was a slim chance the Subtopians would find him.
As a precaution, he kept a fail-safe an Anti-Magno Rod lethal to his people.
[laughs.]
I can't wait to see the looks on their dumb, little faces.
There is one problem.
Lex stole the rod months ago.
If we're going to save our city, we'll have to get it back.
We have absolutely no idea where the Injustice Club is holed up.
The Anti-Magno Rod gives off a very specific form of radiation.
If I could track it, I could God damn it, Lisa! What?! Just seeing if you were done.
I am not! You're driving me [bleeps.]
crazy, man.
Sorry, sorry.
Let me know! We've been forbidden to fight crime by the U.
S.
government.
If we go after the Injustice Club, we'll be villains, just like them.
Just like them.
Saturn, you've given me an idea! But I am not leaving this room before my time is up.
Let's all stand quietly for the next 36 seconds.
[clock ticking.]
[thumps.]
No one look at her.
First one whose back hits the ground loses.
[grunting.]
Oh, oh! Oh! [laughs.]
Oh! Did I mention that my jousting name was Patronius at the ren fair's interactive stage show for three years running? [groans.]
Finish him off, Grizz! [British accent.]
The name's Patronius, and now, in front of Camelot, I do banish you.
Oh, shit! He's having a flashback! [chuckles.]
Grizz: And don't forget to swing by King Arthur's Mead and Meats tent for Aah! Nooo! Grizz, Grizz.
I'm sorry, King Arthur.
I've failed you.
- You maimed my man! - Certainly looks that way! Ba-dam! Seeing as how the next event is a tree-chopping contest, I'm assuming you're forfeiting.
We'll just see what Deek has to say.
Oh, nope.
He's running away.
We'll never catch him.
You're our only hope.
I'm I'm sorry.
I- I just can't.
See that? Jack's not on your team no more.
A deal's a deal.
Sign here.
It's okay, Jack.
Not everyone is born to be a hero.
[dramatic music.]
No but some of us are.
Oh, oh, oh! Careful, careful.
Let's chop some mother[bleeps.]
trees down.
The villains have assembled here? What happened to this place? They made the fatal mistake of opening next to an Arby's.
That's Business 101.
Yeah, you want to give that roast beef a wide berth.
[coughing.]
[snoring.]
Shh, shh, shh! Looks like it's nap time.
Oh, Jesus.
There are Arby's wrappers everywhere.
[squeaks.]
What? Holy shit! It's the League.
[clamoring.]
- We come in peace.
- Bullshit! Everyone relax.
We're operating outside the law, just like you.
God damn it, eat them! Look, we're about to face a threat bigger than all of us.
If we don't join forces, we may as well just lay down and die.
[laughs.]
Us join you? Without Rex, you're an unorganized study in incompetence.
Lex, I know you stole Rex's Anti-Magno Rod.
And this story's boring.
Keep going.
Yeah, we're gonna need that back.
[laughs.]
Oh, oh.
You do make me laugh.
How about we beat the ever-living shit out of you instead? [dramatic music.]
You have three minutes to fell as many trees as you can.
Too bad you only got one hand there, Santy.
I'll be fine, asshole.
Let's get this show on the road.
[growling.]
Ready, set, go! [maniacal laughter.]
Sure you want to do that, Rex? This really could put a damper on your retirement.
Might have to tell everyone who you really are.
Mm-mm-mm.
You will have nowhere left to hide.
I don't hear much chopping coming from Jack's side.
There's only a minute left! Marcus has a big smile on his face.
I knew you'd see things my way, Rex.
Hell, how about I give you a job on my crew? You know, Marcus, I hid here because I was ashamed of myself.
But maybe being a hero isn't about being perfect.
Maybe it's about showing up when it counts and, by damn, standing up to assholes like you will always count.
[yelps.]
No! Whoa.
[shouts.]
[shouts.]
[yells.]
[gun cocks.]
I told you not to cross me, Rex.
Now your friends are ding-a-ling dead.
It's a simple rule, Marcus.
You don't threaten a superhuman from the depths of Subtopia.
- Are we clear? - Yeah, we're clear, we're clear! I'm leaving.
I'm going.
Come on, let me go.
- My lips are sealed, baby boy.
- Jack? The name's Rex Titanium Rex.
Well, I don't care if your name is Skippy Skunk-Dick.
You just saved my business.
- Yeah, yeah! - [laughs.]
Whoo-hoo! - Come here, guys! - Where will you go now, Rex? - Look who came back.
- I was hoping y'all had forgot about that.
No, not a bitch move like that.
But to answer your question, I'm not going anywhere.
I think I've finally found peace, and I owe it all to my new team.
And if they reach the surface, that Anti-Magno Rod might be the only thing that can stop them.
- An army? - Yes, of Subtopians.
You should know how dangerous that is, being half-Subtopian yourself.
Hmm, the half that came from Rex.
And now you're telling me you need my help to kill all of his people? Well, we hadn't really discussed murder yet, but I'm in! I mean, whatever.
I'm in.
Cool! Let's see that Rod! It's gone.
Devizo! Oh, right.
Where is Devizo? [sniffs.]
Nothing like fresh mountain air to [farting noise.]
Oh, this thing really works.
- [coughs.]
Oh, Jesus.
- Devizo [groans.]
You didn't think I'd let you get away that easy, did you? [laughs evilly.]
Yes, I did cancel the open house.
Well, I thought when I started the job at RE/MAX, that it was understood that the safety of the entire world would come first! [rumbling.]
Oh, hell no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[dramatic music.]
My drill pod! You found it.
The signal was weak and the journey was hard, but we are here.
So this is the surface world.
No, no, no.
This is a shitty basement.
- Yeah, but it's got potential! - Well, that was weird.
[energy crackles.]
Yes, he's been trying to sell this structure for three weeks.
Little does he know that all of the surface now belongs to Subtopia!