The Batman (2004) s02e09 Episode Script
The Butler Did It
Hello, kitty.
The only known animation cel in existence from 1923's Kitty-Cat Follies.
Cute, cuddly and priceless.
Did someone say cute and cuddly? - Who are you? - I'm Ragdoll.
You, my minx, are a doll.
Might we have this little frivolity in common? It's fate.
It's destiny.
It's feline, so it's mine.
Now crawl back to your toy box, floppy.
Skipped charm school, did we, precious? Gotcha.
The price tag on this pup might make a cat person of me yet.
After tonight I guarantee you won't be a bat person.
The Batman.
Competition, eh? My arm.
Neat, huh? Toodles.
I lost my precious animation cel to that triple-jointed contortionist.
If Ragdoll ever plays in my sandbox again I'll claw the stuffing out of him.
OK, come on, Selina cats always land on their feet.
Time to prowl for fresh prey.
Old money.
Older money.
New money.
- One water with - One water with Two waters with lemon, please.
I wonder what else we have in common, Miss ? Kyle.
Selina Kyle.
- I'm Bruce - Wayne, I know.
But who knew Gotham's most eligible bachelor had such a grip? You're not so bad yourself.
Your grip.
A firm handshake is a must in my line of work.
- Which is? - Fundraising for charities.
You find wealthy philanthropists, such as myself, and spend our money.
- Only on good causes.
- Define âgood.
â Over dinner.
Your place? I'll phone my butler and have him whip something up.
Yummy.
I'll grab my coat.
One of those, with lots of twists.
Perfect.
You're really into dog art.
You like it, huh? It belonged to my father.
Dessert, Miss Kyle? Your famous nachos will be hard to beat, Alfred.
Mind if I desert you boys for a minute? The ladies' lounge is down the hall to your right.
Miss Kyle is most pleasant, sir.
More importantly, she's intimate with all of Gotham's charities.
You are made for each other.
Saved by the bell.
Everything but cats.
Why is it the only man in Gotham with my sense of style is Batman? A delivery? At this hour? Special delivery.
An original Nolbino.
Hello.
The looks on your faces.
Priceless.
Perhaps I'll snatch those too.
Sir, considering the mixed company perhaps Ragdoll's best left for the proper authorities.
Just need to make sure Ragdoll's reachable.
Buddy, I suggest you leave the heirloom behind.
And I suggest you not play with dolls.
It's cool.
Just take it.
You won't get away with this.
- Aren't you a tigress.
-You have no idea.
Toodles.
Wow, I I better call the police.
Perhaps Miss Kyle would like a spot of tea.
You know, for the nerves.
Why don't you blew some for Bruce.
He looks like he could use it.
Good night, Alfred.
Oh, if only you knew the real Bruce Wayne.
From Ragdoll to riches.
- What are you doing here? - Funny, I was about to ask you.
Sorry, handsome.
Ragdoll's mine.
Gotham ain't big enough for the both of us, raggedy.
Oh, kitten has claws.
Kitten has a whip.
Now we're even.
Toodles.
So kitten likes to play rough.
About time I ended this game.
Yes, puddy, I know it's horrid.
But you know the thrill of the hunt is far more important to me than the payoff.
Too bad Bruce Wayne's belongings don't thrill me at all.
In local events, billionaire Bruce Wayne has announced he will open his most famous property the Gotham clock tower, for a rare public tour.
Well, speak of Mr.
Boring.
Built over 150 years ago by Wayne's great-grandfather the tower remains the source of many legends.
The Cat's Eyes.
And what of Frankie Scolacci's Cat's Eyes? The emeralds that mobster supposedly hid somewhere here back in the 1930's? Well, the tower's been searched dozens of times.
But who knows? Could be we missed a nook.
Suddenly old Bruce is looking pretty good.
Catwoman won't resist the bait.
And Ragdoll won't resist getting even with Catwoman.
The interior of the clock consists of 341 moving parts including these giant gears which were forged from over 20 tons of iron.
Now if you'll follow me.
Dog-art collector and clock expert.
Well, aren't you just the whole package, Bruce Wayne.
Selina.
I'm sorry about the other night.
Don't apologize for being burgled.
Apologize for not calling.
I've been distracted.
Bruce, don't tell me you've been courting another charity fundraiser? No, Selina.
A whole different breed of person has been on my mind.
What do we have here? No they're not in here.
Listen up, raggy if those emeralds are here, they're mine.
I can't leave you two alone for a second.
Ticktock, Batman.
When it's your time, it's your time.
Save yourself, Batman.
Lose the mask, I would.
What? And ruin his mysterious allure? - Thanks.
- You may wanna think twice next time you consider tying me up.
Really irons out the kinks.
And lookie what I found.
No.
Bet these will fetch six figures.
If it's money you want, rob a bank.
Those emeralds are two of a kind, ragface.
Speaking of, three of us, two of these.
I guess we'll split them one way.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
The reach of Ragdoll is quicker than the Eye.
- Finders, keepers? -They don't belong to you.
- Who then? Bruce Wayne? - We are in his clock towel.
Don't bring him between us, handsome.
I love a man in uniform.
Carry on .
That's tight.
Help me out here and I'll split these with you.
I don't accept handouts.
But I'll always take what I have earned.
Come on, don't be a sourpuss, handsome.
The Cat's Eyes are a legend, right? No one will know they're missing because they're not even supposed to be here.
Not even one? I'll get my Cat's Eyes.
Even if I have to claw them from Bruce Wayne's fingertips.
Little help? Because you love my cooking, madam.
Oh, the famous Pennyworth nachos.
Well, you've been quite the danger magnet these days, Bruce Wayne.
Clock-towel incident's all over the news.
Actually, there was an upshot.
The found emeralds were bequeathed to me.
Oh, let me guess.
You displayed the Cat's Eyes beside your cherished velvet painting of dogs playing poker.
Nope, I sold them.
For 100 G's.
And the Wayne Foundation would be honored to have you donate the proceeds to the charity you feel could use it most.
I can't tell you what a thrill this is.
- Sir.
- I'm on hold with the bank.
Oh, really, Master Bruce, I think this sudden distrust of Miss Kyle is terribly misplaced.
I have a weird feeling, that's all.
Selina left here in such a mood.
It was? To whom? I see.
Yep, thank you very much.
- Well? - Well, Selina donated the check after all.
To the Gotham Pet Shelter Network.
Intriguing choice for a woman who doesn't seem to care much for dog art.
Selina Kyle is a fascinating creature.
Could be there's more to her than meets the eye.
The only known animation cel in existence from 1923's Kitty-Cat Follies.
Cute, cuddly and priceless.
Did someone say cute and cuddly? - Who are you? - I'm Ragdoll.
You, my minx, are a doll.
Might we have this little frivolity in common? It's fate.
It's destiny.
It's feline, so it's mine.
Now crawl back to your toy box, floppy.
Skipped charm school, did we, precious? Gotcha.
The price tag on this pup might make a cat person of me yet.
After tonight I guarantee you won't be a bat person.
The Batman.
Competition, eh? My arm.
Neat, huh? Toodles.
I lost my precious animation cel to that triple-jointed contortionist.
If Ragdoll ever plays in my sandbox again I'll claw the stuffing out of him.
OK, come on, Selina cats always land on their feet.
Time to prowl for fresh prey.
Old money.
Older money.
New money.
- One water with - One water with Two waters with lemon, please.
I wonder what else we have in common, Miss ? Kyle.
Selina Kyle.
- I'm Bruce - Wayne, I know.
But who knew Gotham's most eligible bachelor had such a grip? You're not so bad yourself.
Your grip.
A firm handshake is a must in my line of work.
- Which is? - Fundraising for charities.
You find wealthy philanthropists, such as myself, and spend our money.
- Only on good causes.
- Define âgood.
â Over dinner.
Your place? I'll phone my butler and have him whip something up.
Yummy.
I'll grab my coat.
One of those, with lots of twists.
Perfect.
You're really into dog art.
You like it, huh? It belonged to my father.
Dessert, Miss Kyle? Your famous nachos will be hard to beat, Alfred.
Mind if I desert you boys for a minute? The ladies' lounge is down the hall to your right.
Miss Kyle is most pleasant, sir.
More importantly, she's intimate with all of Gotham's charities.
You are made for each other.
Saved by the bell.
Everything but cats.
Why is it the only man in Gotham with my sense of style is Batman? A delivery? At this hour? Special delivery.
An original Nolbino.
Hello.
The looks on your faces.
Priceless.
Perhaps I'll snatch those too.
Sir, considering the mixed company perhaps Ragdoll's best left for the proper authorities.
Just need to make sure Ragdoll's reachable.
Buddy, I suggest you leave the heirloom behind.
And I suggest you not play with dolls.
It's cool.
Just take it.
You won't get away with this.
- Aren't you a tigress.
-You have no idea.
Toodles.
Wow, I I better call the police.
Perhaps Miss Kyle would like a spot of tea.
You know, for the nerves.
Why don't you blew some for Bruce.
He looks like he could use it.
Good night, Alfred.
Oh, if only you knew the real Bruce Wayne.
From Ragdoll to riches.
- What are you doing here? - Funny, I was about to ask you.
Sorry, handsome.
Ragdoll's mine.
Gotham ain't big enough for the both of us, raggedy.
Oh, kitten has claws.
Kitten has a whip.
Now we're even.
Toodles.
So kitten likes to play rough.
About time I ended this game.
Yes, puddy, I know it's horrid.
But you know the thrill of the hunt is far more important to me than the payoff.
Too bad Bruce Wayne's belongings don't thrill me at all.
In local events, billionaire Bruce Wayne has announced he will open his most famous property the Gotham clock tower, for a rare public tour.
Well, speak of Mr.
Boring.
Built over 150 years ago by Wayne's great-grandfather the tower remains the source of many legends.
The Cat's Eyes.
And what of Frankie Scolacci's Cat's Eyes? The emeralds that mobster supposedly hid somewhere here back in the 1930's? Well, the tower's been searched dozens of times.
But who knows? Could be we missed a nook.
Suddenly old Bruce is looking pretty good.
Catwoman won't resist the bait.
And Ragdoll won't resist getting even with Catwoman.
The interior of the clock consists of 341 moving parts including these giant gears which were forged from over 20 tons of iron.
Now if you'll follow me.
Dog-art collector and clock expert.
Well, aren't you just the whole package, Bruce Wayne.
Selina.
I'm sorry about the other night.
Don't apologize for being burgled.
Apologize for not calling.
I've been distracted.
Bruce, don't tell me you've been courting another charity fundraiser? No, Selina.
A whole different breed of person has been on my mind.
What do we have here? No they're not in here.
Listen up, raggy if those emeralds are here, they're mine.
I can't leave you two alone for a second.
Ticktock, Batman.
When it's your time, it's your time.
Save yourself, Batman.
Lose the mask, I would.
What? And ruin his mysterious allure? - Thanks.
- You may wanna think twice next time you consider tying me up.
Really irons out the kinks.
And lookie what I found.
No.
Bet these will fetch six figures.
If it's money you want, rob a bank.
Those emeralds are two of a kind, ragface.
Speaking of, three of us, two of these.
I guess we'll split them one way.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
The reach of Ragdoll is quicker than the Eye.
- Finders, keepers? -They don't belong to you.
- Who then? Bruce Wayne? - We are in his clock towel.
Don't bring him between us, handsome.
I love a man in uniform.
Carry on .
That's tight.
Help me out here and I'll split these with you.
I don't accept handouts.
But I'll always take what I have earned.
Come on, don't be a sourpuss, handsome.
The Cat's Eyes are a legend, right? No one will know they're missing because they're not even supposed to be here.
Not even one? I'll get my Cat's Eyes.
Even if I have to claw them from Bruce Wayne's fingertips.
Little help? Because you love my cooking, madam.
Oh, the famous Pennyworth nachos.
Well, you've been quite the danger magnet these days, Bruce Wayne.
Clock-towel incident's all over the news.
Actually, there was an upshot.
The found emeralds were bequeathed to me.
Oh, let me guess.
You displayed the Cat's Eyes beside your cherished velvet painting of dogs playing poker.
Nope, I sold them.
For 100 G's.
And the Wayne Foundation would be honored to have you donate the proceeds to the charity you feel could use it most.
I can't tell you what a thrill this is.
- Sir.
- I'm on hold with the bank.
Oh, really, Master Bruce, I think this sudden distrust of Miss Kyle is terribly misplaced.
I have a weird feeling, that's all.
Selina left here in such a mood.
It was? To whom? I see.
Yep, thank you very much.
- Well? - Well, Selina donated the check after all.
To the Gotham Pet Shelter Network.
Intriguing choice for a woman who doesn't seem to care much for dog art.
Selina Kyle is a fascinating creature.
Could be there's more to her than meets the eye.