The Boss Baby: Back in Business (2018) s02e09 Episode Script

Hold all my calls.
Get set, fire! All right! I call it "Romper Blaster.
" How do you come up with this stuff? Ah, I was sick and tired of spending so much time dressing my dollies, and I figured parents felt the same way about dressing babies.
So why not blast their clothes on? Violence is so fun.
As my mentor, Dr.
Stubenhaus, always said, "You'd be amazed how inventive you can be when you're dang sick of something.
" Impressive, Simmons.
But market research shows only 14 percent of parents are comfortable firing cannons at their babies.
This is useless.
Outstandingly useless.
Brava.
The frontier of our dreams lies at the edge of our nightmares.
- What is happening at this company? Aah! - That terrible toy is what this week in research and development is about.
Stop thinking.
Solve problems that don't exist.
Forget about Stinkless Serum and anything else that matters.
Now is not the time to think outside the box.
This week, we smash the box.
And then we rebuild it.
Wiser.
Boss Baby! How are you smashing the box? Mentally? Spiritually? Eh sledgehammerly? You fail to grasp the spirit of "Smash the Box.
" Disappointing.
Ma'am, wait! Just point me at the box you want smashed! What's this? Oopsie Baby Booster, the Chair Safety Warning System.
It's not quite ready yet.
Oopsie! Baby's falling off the chair.
Seems to work fine.
Seems to.
- But if the baby leans too far - Simmons! Turtleneck always loves your work.
Throw me a crumb, anything.
Uh, we're good here.
Maybe you can smash boxes in your department.
Field operations doesn't have boxes, just assorted paperwork.
The odd manila file folder and Wait a minute! I know how to seize the inside track on becoming the next CEO! Look at me.
- I'm an Oopsie Baby.
- Oopsie! Don't lean too far! Baby's falling off the chair.
Still working on the Consequence matrix.
That was awesome.
What else you got? Free business tip: there's no better way to impress a boss than being proactive.
Like that time I cleaned my room without Mom and Dad asking.
That never happened.
Templeton, meet the Lonesome Files, the most frustrating, difficult company problems you can imagine.
And I'm going to solve them all.
Sounds hard and boring.
We should just invent stuff.
Like this thing Simmons gave me.
No idea what it does, but it looks cool.
- Rain check.
This is ow! - Whoa! Sorry.
Is your punching box through? Who's to say? Mysteries of science, really.
Let's see.
Lost toys, anti-baby activists.
Ah! A classic puzzler.
Grumpy Baby Grump-Grump, the baby who will not smile.
He doesn't smile for pictures.
He doesn't laugh from tickles.
He sits in the yard all day and just growls.
A tragic case.
Likes gummy duckies, pat-a-cake.
Dislikes noise, big sister.
That's it.
About as helpful as handlebars on oatmeal.
Let's pay him a visit.
Okay, Grump-Grump.
We need to get you laughing again.
So allow me to present a comedy joke.
He's a baby.
They don't understand jokes.
This one has a physical punchline, therefore a high-yield laughter rate in babies three to 14 months.
Ahem.
What do you call a ow! - Templeton! - That's funny.
It's oh! It's not working, Templeton.
If that didn't make him laugh, nothing will.
Ah, but you didn't let me finish my joke.
Ahem.
What do you call "a low-flying waterfowl"? Duck! Too intellectual.
Noted.
Ooh! Templeton! "Smash the box"? That doesn't mean anything.
Or does it mean everything? Unbox yourself, brain.
Gah! Gigi's coming to get you for a family meeting.
Look innocent.
You really don't have to do this, Gigi.
Summer's over before you know it.
I can't go without leaving this family with one final gift.
A fully potty-trained baby.
- Potty training is the worst.
- Don't you think he's too young? I potty-trained Ted at this age, and he turned out great.
I'm the Pineapple Pro-feth-or! Pineapples contain the protein bromelain, great for tenderizing meat.
- I don't know.
- No, that's really true about pineapples.
- The potty training, Ted.
- Well, might be nice.
Remember how hard it was to potty-train Tim? So much.
Everywhere.
- All right, if you think you can.
- Oh, I guarantee it.
Got a family method from the old country.
It puts the baby in total control of the process.
Just you watch.
It's me, Templeton.
As you were.
As I was what? Agh! - Oh, don't mind me.
Please continue.
- Jeez! Put on some anything.
No can do, Tim-a-roo.
Gigi's got me on a system.
"The Naked Baby Potty Technique.
" How does being naked help? I set up potty chairs all over the house.
No need for help from grownups.
That way, when it's time for baby to go I just crawl over to the nearest potty and achieve my major milestone.
Something bothering you? - You're naked.
- No, I'm not.
I'm not looking again to prove it, but, yes, you are.
Baby nudity doesn't count.
Totally different from regular nudity.
Your naked butt is still gonna get all over everything.
Yeah.
But we have bigger fish to fry.
I've gotta knock out these Lonesome Files if I want Turtleneck to notice.
Here, just put this on while you're around me.
Pass.
Honestly, I've never felt so relaxed.
I thought you loved diapers.
Who doesn't? But I owe Gigi one.
She bought the Plushythingy toy when Mom and Dad failed me.
So I put on a little pee-pee pony show, Gigi looks like a hero, and when she goes back home, a few well-timed "accidents," I'll be in diapers in a hot second.
I love that you and Gigi are finally getting along.
But you know what I'd also love? If your butt wasn't all over everything.
Don't make this about you.
You better hope that's clean.
I am not looking at a naked baby butt.
And I checked.
Wait.
If this is for Gigi, can't you just go on the potty right now? Presentation.
Gigi needs to feel like she's earned this.
I'll go before bedtime tonight.
Promise? - What? - Your naked butt is on my Football Mike! How dare you? This man was a hero in the football wars.
Ahhh.
All right, Baby Grump-Grump, let's take a look at you with fresh eyes.
Whoa! Likes gummy duckies, hates noise, eating gummy duckies, big sister, makes noise, pat-a-cake player, strong claps, powerful slaps, too much noise Everything makes sense! I'm coming, Grumpy Baby Grump-Grump! Put some pants on! Eh? Hey, Boss.
How goes it? Free and easy, Jimbee-bo.
So, did you really just call us for this? Yes.
And to witness.
Big sister was making a lot of noise, so you covered your ears, didn't you? But you had a fistful of gummy duckies.
With pat-a-cake-strengthened hands, ducky got shoved all the way down into Don't feel so grumpy now, do you? You solved Grumpy Baby Grump-Grump? - How? - I don't know.
- The answer just came to me.
- The baby is laughing! Honey, the baby is laughing! Three hours and nothing? What kinda bladder you got, kid? You're right.
It'll happen when it happens.
- Oh, sweet relief.
- Forgot my book.
I know you can do this.
Oh, mama mercy! Come on.
Tip-top Timbo.
Just the kid I need.
Let's mosey office way and wrangle some Lonesome Files.
I want to help.
I really, really do.
But I can't keep looking at baby butt.
Your call.
But whenever I'm not around, all I can think about is how much of my stuff your naked butt is on.
- My comic! - Hmm? Whoop.
Might be a cheek mark on the cover.
Agh! I'm gonna smash the box today, Templeton.
You coming to the office or not? I don't know which is worse! Yes, I am coming with you to the office.
Remember you talked about how inventive you can be when you're "sick of something"? Uh, this is ludicrous! I must build it.
Double B.
You seem extra-relaxed today.
- Fresh haircut? - Negative.
- Grow some more teeth? - Nothing but nubs.
- New power tie.
- He's not wearing any dang pants.
You sure? Oh, yeah.
Hey, good look on you, Beebs.
Baby nudity, Templeton.
Doesn't count.
Boss Baby.
I need an opinion.
I'm pushing a disruption focus leaping further forward to our technological destiny.
Thoughts? Clean the slate, become the customer and feel the unspoken need.
Redundancies will sink.
Whatever floats, we harness to redefine that need.
- Protracted rollout? - Trickle-up culture shift.
I never thought of it that way.
Thank you.
- You understood her? - I over-stood her.
She's never been so clear to me.
Could it be - Wait.
- that not wearing any clothes - Not the reason.
- makes me a genius? No.
That's dumb.
My clothes were a box, and I've smashed it! I'm set free.
I'm a naked baby genius! You were plenty smart with pants on, you know.
I've organized the files into three categories.
Easy, Hard and Only Naked Baby Genius Can Figure These Out.
I'm pretty sure Pants-On Baby Genius could solve them faster.
Gotta get through these cases, Templeton.
After that, who knows? With these results, why wear pants ever again? You promised you'd go on the potty tonight.
I promised nothing.
Gigi's training is baby-led, right? Baby's not ready.
Please, these things are making me cross-eyed.
Agh! Baby butt! I need those glasses.
Agh! Baby butt! Agh! - What's his problem? - I'm not wearing any clothes.
Huh.
I honestly did not even notice.
Oh, "naked baby genius.
" I get that now.
Simmons, I'm absolutely sick and tired of my brother's naked butt.
Whoa! A trivial problem almost nobody would care about.
You must have a zillion ideas.
Let's get to work.
I found optimized cases for each of your strengths using an algorithm I was able to develop in five minutes because I'm naked.
The accounting department is missing cash? Sounds like math.
You sure this job is for me? Jimbo? We've met before.
Remember a few years back when the company tried keeping money in teddy bears instead of banks? What could go wrong? Oh Hug every teddy bear in Baby Corp, and when you find a crunchy one, dollars to donuts there'll be cash inside.
Yay! Teddy hugs! Best job ever! Uh, you're giving me the problem file from human resources? "Worker Baby Amal took Worker Baby Peg's brownie three years ago, and they still won't talk to each other.
" How is this my strength? I ran the numbers.
The only solution is violence.
Yes! Never put your pants on! Hey, baby brother.
Listen.
I'm really sorry about my freak-out earlier.
I get it.
You're a prude.
- Let's move past your hang-ups.
- Let's.
I brought an extra-comfy chair to help you get even more relaxed and even smarter.
Thank you.
Just sit your baby nude butt right down here.
Rats! Templeton, are you trying to diaper me? If you won't do it, then I will.
Then this is war.
It's not a war.
I just want you to wear some dang pants.
- Sorry about the brownie, Peg.
- See you at the next meeting.
Who's next? After analyzing your file from every angle, I think I know what's happening with your missing toys.
Do your worst.
Just reverse the rotation.
Good boy.
Where'd you find all your lost toys? - What the? - Eat Romper.
Templeton! - And keep it on.
- Never! Get me four bungee cords, springs and a diaper.
I love science! "Thirty-four-year-old woman sworn off loving babies.
" "Six-year-old girl loses her favorite homemade baby doll"? Sad little girl grows up into baby-hating woman.
Melty the Crayon baby? I lost you when I was six and promised to never love a baby again until I found you.
Honey, remember when I said I didn't want babies? Now I do! Keep the dang pants on.
Too many cases left to solve.
You can't corral this naked baby brainpower in pants.
Ugh! Ha-hah! Tim, time for lunch! Oh, good.
I'm starving.
Why is the naked baby on the counter where our food goes? Having a sit-down about having a sit-down.
Strange he hasn't gone anywhere yet.
By this point, kids are usually unloading all over, like a zoo animal.
Can we eat lunch and not talk or think about how zoo animals do their business? Sure, Timmy.
Your favorite.
Peanut butter and peanut butter smeared with baby butt, baby butt, baby butt, baby butt baby butt, baby butt, baby butt Tim.
- You okay? - I'm, uh, not hungry anymore.
Maybe we should try a different technique.
One where, you know, he can wear some dang pants? He'll use the potty when he's ready, even if he has to be naked for the rest of the summer.
There's gotta be another way.
What if this doesn't work? Hah! I'm a stubborn old lady, kid.
Nothing outlasts me.
I sat in a protest on the steel mill floor for three straight days.
Just to get tuna sandwiches in the vending machines.
I know how to get the baby to go.
- Now what? - We admire our work.
I solved every problem in this room in a few days.
Imagine what I can continue to do if I never wear clothes again! A clean file drawer.
You've smashed a very big box.
This transforms my mood from "regular" to "impressed.
" I can now fill this cabinet with sand.
Won't that be an inspiration? All I can say, ma'am, - is when it comes to smashing the box - Oh, wait.
You missed one.
I am no longer impressed.
Hand it to me.
Let's solve it quick.
The Stubenhaus file.
What? Nonsense and gobbledygook.
Here at the top, "Vibes I Link In.
" What does that mean? This mammajamma's a code! - Know what they say about coded files? - They call them "mammajammas"? Like a sword in a stone.
Whoever decodes this is destined to wield the power hidden within.
What's your secret, secret file? And the train's gone off the rails.
It sure has, Stace.
Stubenhaus file, meet your naked master.
Come on! Chill.
I need to talk to Simmons.
Tell me about Stubenhaus.
He left a coded file.
Know what this means? Uh, Dr.
Stubenhaus loved secret codes.
He was one smart cookie and always worried about industrial spies stealing his best ideas.
Such as? The usual.
Meat-flavored formula, toys that dissolve for no reason, baby bronzer, Stinkless Serum.
This is the formula for Stinkless Serum! "Vibes I link in" are vibes I don't stink in.
Whoa there, cowboy.
Everyone works on Stinkless Serum.
This could be anything.
Who writes down their formula in code? Someone who discovered something big who doesn't expect a naked baby genius in the driver's seat.
That's who.
- How did I do? - A flawless performance.
My character was a cowgirl.
Pew, pew, pew! I could tell.
And now for the grand finale.
Gah! Nothing! Not now, Templeton.
Back away.
Er, front away.
This is your last chance to put some dang pants on.
What, and restrict the clean flow of thinking my nudity affords? - Aah! - On the verge of breaking Stubenhaus? Have you become a complete raving madman? No.
Just a kid who's sick of baby butts on stuff.
I'm sorry, but you leave me no choice.
Templeton, what? The Oopsie Baby Booster, now for potty training.
You move, an alarm sounds.
You move too far, boom! When you're ready to pee, go ahead and pee.
I'll deactivate the Oopsie Baby, we'll tell Gigi and celebrate, and you'll get some dang pants back on.
No pressure.
You think you have the upper hand.
You're wrong.
I can decode the file from the throne where all big ideas happen.
Suit yourself.
Get it? It's no duck joke.
You're dismissed.
Talk to me.
Oh, I forgot another thing.
Stubenhaus loved anagrams.
You scramble letters in words to make other words I know what an anagram is.
I'm a naked baby genius! All right, fine.
Jeez.
Invisible Ink.
This gobbledygook isn't gobbledygook.
It's a message hidden in invisible ink.
Simmons, Stubenhaus and invisible ink, how do I decode it? Well, his fave was one that exposed the message with pretty much any liquid except water.
Weird, but he's a genius.
I'm a genius, I get it.
Oopsie! Baby's falling off the chair.
- Oopsie Baby.
- Is the kid okay? He's fine! I think he's really close to going on the potty.
Templeton, help me out.
Get me some juice, some milk.
Any kind of liquid will decode this memo.
Whatever you need, so long as you put some dang pants on.
But this is the tip of the iceberg.
I can't get dressed.
I'll lose my competitive edge.
Please, Templeton.
Sorry.
No pants, no dance.
Liquid soap? Drat! Who still buys bars? Shampoo? Out of reach.
I have to know what this says.
Any liquid, any liquid Aw! Who knew I was so bad at spitting? Come on, boss man! Any kind of liquid can help me solve this puzzle.
So, it's come to this.
All right, Stubenhaus.
Here comes "any liquid.
" Don't worry, Gigi.
This is definitely going to work.
Where did you get that potty chair? Uh, Danny Petrosky's uncle works in a baby research lab.
That seems reasonable because it's the truth.
Hooray! Baby went potty.
- Well, I'll be.
- I'll go make sure.
Come on, Stinkless Serum formula.
Your secrets are mine, Stubenhaus.
Wait, it's not decoding.
It's dissolving.
No! - Stubenhaus' file dissolved? Gotcha.
- What did you say to me? Yep, Gigi, he really did go.
So you can bring him some dang pants.
Pants on, naked.
Smart, fooled.
Boom! - Oopsie! Oopsie! - Oh.
Baby, what did you eat? Huh.
Guess you were right.
One accident, you're back in diapers in a hot second.
I did miss the comfort and containment.
You really smashed the box with that paper trick.
And Stubenhaus, too.
He was quite the genius.
Pfft! Stubenhaus was a terrible scientist.
Simmons just likes his dumb sayings.
That secret code was all me.
I got the idea when Simmons was demonstrating paper that only dissolves in liquids that aren't water.
Why would anyone need? Right, Simmons.
Useless invention.
Carry on.
I just doodled on it.
I planted the file where I knew someone would find it.
Then I trapped you on the toilet with one option.
Tinkle, tinkle, boom, - you're wearing pants again.
- Outsmarted by a kid in denim short pants.
Farewell, naked baby genius.
- He had a good run.
Night.
- Night.
While you were gone, I put my naked butt on your pillow.
Agh!