The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) s02e09 Episode Script
The Bombastic Blathering of Brainy Blabulous
1 This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now.
Congratulations, boys! I'm giving you all A's! Because you're you! Oh, that's sweet! And well-deserved.
We just realized you've always been right and we've always been wrong.
As an apology, here are a couple of anti-gravity boards we made for you.
You're forgiven.
For now.
No more gym for you, boys! Because it's dumb! You're the man, Mr.
Meaner.
Let's dance it out! What are you doing? I said, "run," not "dance!" Let go of my yeah-yeah-yeah hands! Run! Move! Move! Move! Wouldn't it be great if we actually went to a school like that? Yeah.
Let's close our eyes and go back.
Who said you could run into a yeah-yeah-yeah wall? - Come on! - Really? Yeah-yeah-yeah! So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! But they had a mean, old Principal Who told them what to - Blah, blah, blah, blah! - So they got a hypno-ring And first, they made him dance Then, accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Not the brightest man And don't forget, when he gets wet - You're back when you began - Blah, blah, blah! Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-la! "The Bombastic Blathering of Brainy Blabulous!" Chapter 1, Ban-krupp-cy Re-borg-anization.
George and Harold were planning an inappropriate payback prank that involved dropping 300 water balloons off the roof on Mr.
Meaner.
They called it The "Let's Drop 300 Water Balloons on Mr.
Meaner" prank.
Great name.
Oh, there he is! Wha? - The chewing gum trap caught Meaner! - No way we're gonna miss.
- Time for some dodgeball payback.
- Justice is a dish best served wet.
What the heck? Ha! You yeah-yeah-yeah missed me! What happened? - I happened.
- Yeah, I happened.
Say hello to our new anti-prank measures, the Anti-Prank Measures! - That's it? - Two thousand! No more replacing toilet paper with sandpaper! No more glue frosted cookies.
No more skunk spray in the air vents.
No! I thought discipline was Mr.
Krupp's job.
Not anymore.
He transferred to a new school.
- What? - He transferred to a new school.
- What? - He transferred to a new school! - Got you! - So good.
Why would Mr.
Krupp transfer? Well No idea.
But you can ponder that in the new Detention Dungeon.
Two thousand.
- Detention Dungeon? - Two thousand.
I can't believe Krupp left.
This school was his whole life.
Well, this school and guacamole.
Baby, when I'm with you If Krupp transferred, maybe we should, too! There's got to be a school out there where we can still do pranks.
I still don't get why we had to wear those things.
I had my doubts, but you're right.
This cardboard Krupp is a better vice principal than Krupp ever was.
And this one doesn't squeak like a bat when you shoot darts at him.
- Hello, Melvins.
- Hello, Melvins.
You don't have an appointment.
Mr.
Krupp, escort them out.
- Almost as lazy as the real Krupp.
- It's still an upgrade.
We want to transfer to a new - Sign here.
- School.
"Herome Jorwitz Elementary.
Best School in Quipa.
" Those words sound so familiar.
Probably just a coincidence.
Chapter 2, School of Shock.
As the boys entered the new school ready to prank up a storm, they noticed something.
- Whoa! - This school is nice! - Check it out! Running water! - And it's not chunky! - And it doesn't smell like a zookeeper! - And it's not on fire! Mochachocaccino? - Man, this school's got everything.
- Everything except our friends.
Like, Gooch, Erica, Dressy, and Bo.
Whoa.
Nope, it's even got them.
Erica, you're here! Did you guys transfer, too? Erica? You must be new.
My name is Werica.
Werica Ang.
Whoa.
That's like Erica Wang but backwards.
No, Erica Wang backwards would be Gnaw Acire.
And this is Choog, Kessy Drillman, and Hwo Beemuth.
Oh, and that's Sessica and the Jophies over there.
This is weird.
Yeah, they're exactly like our friends, only they're wearing glasses and reading, which means they're smart, according to TV.
That's true.
And all TV characters wearing glasses are required to say According to my calculations According to my calculations According to my calculations According to my cal According to my calculations, class is gonna start in 15 minutes.
Better get going.
Get going? 15 minutes? Is this an alternate universe? Like Lobsterverse? I'll take that one.
Nah, we took the bus here.
But it's definitely a bizarro version of Jerome Horwitz.
So that's why it's called Herome Jorwitz.
Actually, it's because we got too lazy to draw an entire new school and new characters, so we just changed all the names, except for George Beard and Harold Hutchins! And one other.
- Mr.
Krupp? - A bizarro Krupp, too? Not fair.
So great to see you boys! I heard you transferred in and I couldn't be happier! Whoa.
There's something our old principal would never say.
What? I am your old principal.
It's me, Mr.
Krupp! Now, I know we've had our differences in the past.
No! No! No! But that's water under the bridge.
I'm a new man, thanks to this amazing school.
We're gonna be great friends here.
- What? - What? Yep.
We're getting a fresh start.
No, no, no, a fresher start.
They're in a new school Left the old one behind Now they're friends to the end It's like they're three of a kind - Fresher start - They're having a ball! - Fresher start - Buying pants at the mall With no confrontation Every day's a vacation Oh, fresher start Fresher Start is filmed before a live studio audience.
Swing by my office later, and we'll catch up and have candy.
My door is always open.
Chapter 3, Bored-ing School I can't believe it.
They're making omelets.
With real eggs.
From chickens! And not that thing that lives under the bridge.
It's like a five-star restaurant! Is what I'd say if I knew anything about restaurants.
Shh! Six.
Yeah-yeah-yeah, keep going.
Whoa! The bizarro Mr.
Meaner is jacked.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The philosopher Arisophacles once said, "The most important muscle in the body is the mind.
" That's because he hated exercise.
His brain's jacked, too! Can we do that? It looks like fun! Looks can be deceiving.
Parkour's actually hard work.
I've trained for years and I avoid anything trivial that shrinks the brain.
Like those silly videos on the internet where a guy finds trash on roads.
Road Trash.
That guy is roadside legit! Road Trash.
Yeah! Hey, guys, I just found an empty can of carrot juice! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! Whoa! That one almost got me! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! So tempting.
But it shrinks the brain! My mind must remain pure like arctic snow.
Oh, splinter.
But that's good.
It's a teachable moment.
I'll just enlarge my finger with my latest invention, the Grow-it-alter 3000, and easily remove the splinter.
Oof! And then we can study finger anatomy.
He invents stuff, too? Shh! Hey, I'm Snelvin Meedly.
Did you see Mr.
Neamer get a big? Uh, whatchamacallit? Oh, yeah, finger? - And bizarro Melvin isn't smart? - I know you're new, but we do things differently here.
We work hard, we cherish knowledge, and we respect the teachers.
If you can do that, this school will give you back ten times what you put into it.
Okay, it's a little boring, but everything works.
The teachers teach, the food is actually made from food, and Krupp's not yelling at us.
- Maybe we should give it a shot.
- Giving it all they got I can't see a thing in these glasses! Probably a good thing, because this place looks like a mortuary for childhood.
- Can't do it! - Too boring! True, this school is great, but it's missing one thing.
Fun.
Yeah.
I thought I could live without it, but I can't.
So, what do we do? I'll tell you what we do.
We make candy rain from the sky.
We put rubber dart guns in every hand.
We tear down this school and replace it with the biggest bouncy house ever made! Okay, maybe not that last one.
But let's put the fun in functional.
Yeah, let's teach these kids how to live a little.
Ah! How do people see in those things? "You can't succeed every time, but you can try all the time.
" Now those are words to live by.
Sure, but now let's have some fun.
Move the letters around.
"Try every time and you can succeed.
" Really? I mean, with those letters you can make "butt," "turd," "snot.
" Yeah, but this is good advice.
Gonna be an uphill battle.
Time to get real.
You mean make a comic? I was gonna say transfer to another school.
But sure.
Comic.
Chapter 4! Captain Underpants and the Secret Weapon of the Stone-Faced Kids.
By George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
One time, there were, like, these serious stone-faced kids who were all, "I'm doing everything right," except they weren't 'cause they had no fun.
They were all, "More math, please" and "Yes, I'll vacuum the driveway, thank you!" Fun, not.
This one kid had a birthday party and hired an accountant to write numbers on a whiteboard.
But nobody smiled or giggled or said the word "pickle" at all! I mean, come on.
Pickle! Then these aliens came down and said, "What is the sound of human laughter, or we will mess up your planet!" The kids didn't know what to do.
They tried cleaning the silverware drawer and ironing a skirt, but it was no fun.
The aliens were gonna blast the planet to bits with their blast ray.
Warm up sounds, warm up sounds, warm up.
But then Captain Underpants came swooping in like Captain Underpants swooping in.
"I'll save Earth and junk with entertainment!" Then he flew into a haystack and popped up with hay in his ears and said, "pickle!" The aliens were like, "What?" But in alien Then Captain Underpants did all his best basketball tricks.
The Fibbidy Flop, the Aqua Duck, and big finish, the Diggidy, Diggidy, Diggidy, Doop! That's like with nine balls.
The aliens didn't get it, but the kids! They had never seen anything so amazing.
They started smiling and their faces cracked and their dumb old frowns fell right off their faces! Clank, clank, clankety-clank, clank, crack! But the unhappy aliens knocked Captain Underpants far away and said, "We will blast your planet and junk! What do you say about that?" And then the birthday party kid said, "Pickle!" And all the kids laughed really, really hard, like for the first time! But the sound Giggle, ha! But the sound was super painful to the aliens and they covered their one ear.
"Ow, that human laughing! Stop your noising!" And the kids all said, "Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle!" And laughed, like, a lot.
And the aliens said, "Enough! We cannot survive your secret weapon!" And they flew away.
Yay! Then Captain Underpants flew back in.
"Tra-la Where'd they go?" The end.
You look like a guy who likes reading, huh? Almost as much as I like paying attention in class.
Then try this! It's like you gave me something I didn't know I wanted my whole life.
This is a game changer! Time to have some fun.
And in less time than should really be possible, the kids' minds were magically transformed by the brilliant writing of George and Harold.
Laughter? In this school? Strange.
Say there, you children, what's all this giggle-gaggle about? Oh, no.
Not here.
Not now! Are you gonna yell at us or scream at us? - Because I vote yell.
- Your yell is pretty good.
I told you, I'm a new man, thanks to this perfect school.
No more yelling, no more detention.
I'm finally able to be the principal I was meant to be.
Now grab some bean bag and let's rap.
I need a favor.
I need you not to ruin this school Whoa! Because it's the only thing that has ever brought joy to my life, aside from the hand-me-down wooden toys Uncle Grover gave me, which were actually riddled with rusty nails which ultimately gave me tetanus.
But still, no comics, no pranks.
- No fun? - Correct.
What's in it for us? I won't send you to prison.
I mean, a good education.
Right? You got yourself a deal.
- We're doing a prank, right? - Yep, and it's gonna be huge.
Oh! Chapter 5, Hit-And-Fun.
You are about to witness an epic prank thanks to this baby.
Whoo-hoo! Pickle! Yeah.
Water balloon, Choog, but nice attitude.
Thanks to George and Harold, we could lose this school.
That's why I need the brightest mind here to help me save it.
I'm just surprised it's a gym teacher.
General Moon Shu once said, "If you know your enemy, you've already won the battle.
" Sure, Moon Shu lost every battle, but the point is, George and Harold are the enemy.
- So we're gonna lose? - No! Because we have me! The most brilliant man ever to organize a dodgeball game.
Not sure that's saying much.
I'll make the school perfect again.
- For all of us.
- Works for me.
Ooh! By the way, did you see the latest Road Trash video? Why, what happened? No, don't tell me! Okay, but it was really good.
He found tuxedo pants on an off-ramp.
I just found some tuxedo pants on an off-ramp! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! I told you not to tell me! How's that little balloon epic? It's not.
Until we make it giant with this baby! The Grow-it-alter 3000.
Does Mr.
Neamer know you stole his invention, which is theft and makes us all complicit in a crime? Borrowed, and no.
That's why it's a prank! Now, Werica, just read what's on the card into the mic.
Attention, teachers.
Report to the front of the school to get a free laptop.
It's working.
This school is the best! I mean, free laptops? So good.
They're in the blast zone.
Now! Why is it getting so dark? Oh, no.
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! First rule of pranking is to get rid of the evidence.
Second rule of pranking is run! I'm not giving up on you, Herome Jorwitz.
Because I love you.
Ow! Mr.
Neamer? Oh, my! Chapter 6, Heads up.
Oh, I didn't feel alive until today even though I've been alive my whole life! Choog, you were right! Zombie apocalypse! - Pranking is my jam.
- What? - Didn't think we could have it all.
- But now we do.
You'd think they'd learn to not say things like that.
But they don't.
You two delinquents are done despoiling Herome Jorwitz.
Your tiny brains are no match for my mammoth mind.
I can anticipate your every move before you even make it! I knew you were gonna do that! Whoa! Little top-heavy! Running is futile.
I'm three steps ahead of you! You think running under a bridge will stop me? There's more than enough headroom for I've got you now.
Never run into a skinny alley Wha? Hey! No fair.
This city isn't big brain-friendly.
You know what I just realized? Neamer's giant head makes him the bizarro version of Flabby Flabulous! You might remember Flabby Flabulous from a previous episode.
- Except now he's more like - Brainy Blabulous! And my mind has already devised 17,842 ways to destroy you! And counting! Whoa.
A big brain's way worse than a big butt! Time for you-know-who.
Captain Underpants! I knew you'd wreck it! You've infected this paradise with your laughter and your so-called funny drawings and your annoyingly creative spark! Is it paradise to be bored out of your skull? - Living life like an obedient robot? - Yes? You can't win.
I've got the mind of a gym teacher on my side.
I'm not going down without a fight.
Neither are we.
Tra-laLeg cramp! Oh, oh, okay.
- Captain Underpants, we need help! - Sure thing.
Ooh! Nice digs! Ow! Mind over matter, mind over matter.
Do you mind? My brain is a wonder, not a clothesline! Come on, brain! Defy physics! Yes! I've achieved mind supremacy.
Madam, your socks are dry! - How big a head are we talking here? - The biggest! I've seen bigger.
And as the Roman historian Portus Trovius once said, "Big is good.
Bigger is better.
But the biggest? Forget about it.
" - But he also ran a pizza place, so - I once said I got a rock in my shoe.
- And I don't wear shoes! - What does that mean? It means your brain is no match for his brawn! No, it doesn't.
Careful, I'm armed.
With my arms, not weapons.
Unless you count my arms as weapons, which they are.
Not compared to my brain, which I will now use to crush you! Mind over matter, mind over matter, mind over matter.
Hey, when did trees start flying? When my brain told them to.
Ditto on trees falling.
You didn't say, "Timber!" Chapter 7, The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, Presented in Quiz-O-Rama, a Thought Provoking Alternative to Fighting.
Will Captain Underpants, A, avoid being hit by a flying bathtub or B, get his clock cleaned? "B!" Question 2, will Captain Underpants A, dodge the telephone pole or B, take it in the face? "B" again.
Final question.
Will Captain Underpants, A, dodge the flying yacht or B, go on a bruise cruise? You're right.
Dumb question.
Ahoy, matey! Welcome aboard the S.
S - Dude went nautical! - Where'd he even get a yacht in Piqua? Do you believe your brawn is superior to my brains now? I will levitate you two into outer space! Or at least several blocks away, restoring this school to its former perfection! But you can't do that! Without a permit! My power is growing! Look! I can shoot colored lights out of my eyes! Let's get outta here.
Whoa! You two are next.
How do we downsize his brain before he squeezes all the fun outta ours? Sorry, guys.
Watching Road Trash.
He just found a plastic bag.
A plastic bag! I just found a plastic bag! Uh-huh! Yeah! I avoid anything trivial that shrinks the brain like those silly videos on the internet where a guy finds trash on roads.
I got it.
We're gonna dumb him down with Road Trash.
Hey.
My phone.
- But how's he gonna see it? - Look! The Grow-it-alter! Look out, Harold! Hey! Brainy! Ha, ha! You two are making this awfully easy! Get ready to Is that Road Trash? Road Trash, yeah! Another trash bag? What're the odds? Uh-huh.
Yeah! That one almost got me! Whoo! It's beautiful.
Who would've thought Neamer's Grow-it-alter would come in handy? Everyone.
Literally, everyone.
Whoa! Still got my sea legs.
No way! I just found a Wait, is this the one where the guy finds the garbage? I love that one.
Oh, no.
Can't stop watching.
Trash fun to watch.
Me lose think good.
It's working! Road Trash is shrinking his brain! Whoa.
What are these? Hey! I can see! Jurisprudence.
And read! This book is interesting! - Whoa.
Whoa! - Oh, a cassette tape! Wow! Sorry, still getting my land legs.
Hey, is that the remote? I wanna hear what the garbage is saying! - No! - Whoa! Whoa.
That bird should lay off the carbs.
What! Huh? My perfect school is a pigeon! And where are my clothes? Chapter 8, Home is Where The Heartburn is.
That school was so nice.
The teachers knew how to read, the kids didn't make fun of me, and Those omelets.
But I gotta admit, I was bored out of my skull! - So were we.
- Me, too.
It'll be nice to pull pranks in a place where they're appreciated again.
And to yell at kids again.
Starting with you two! Let the good times ro Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey, George, how come there weren't bizarro versions of us? - 'Cause we're one of a kind, buddy.
- Two of a kind.
Yeah! Look! I just found a perfectly good guy! Who would throw this away? Whoa! That one almost got both of us.
Whoo!
George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now.
Congratulations, boys! I'm giving you all A's! Because you're you! Oh, that's sweet! And well-deserved.
We just realized you've always been right and we've always been wrong.
As an apology, here are a couple of anti-gravity boards we made for you.
You're forgiven.
For now.
No more gym for you, boys! Because it's dumb! You're the man, Mr.
Meaner.
Let's dance it out! What are you doing? I said, "run," not "dance!" Let go of my yeah-yeah-yeah hands! Run! Move! Move! Move! Wouldn't it be great if we actually went to a school like that? Yeah.
Let's close our eyes and go back.
Who said you could run into a yeah-yeah-yeah wall? - Come on! - Really? Yeah-yeah-yeah! So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! But they had a mean, old Principal Who told them what to - Blah, blah, blah, blah! - So they got a hypno-ring And first, they made him dance Then, accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Not the brightest man And don't forget, when he gets wet - You're back when you began - Blah, blah, blah! Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-la! "The Bombastic Blathering of Brainy Blabulous!" Chapter 1, Ban-krupp-cy Re-borg-anization.
George and Harold were planning an inappropriate payback prank that involved dropping 300 water balloons off the roof on Mr.
Meaner.
They called it The "Let's Drop 300 Water Balloons on Mr.
Meaner" prank.
Great name.
Oh, there he is! Wha? - The chewing gum trap caught Meaner! - No way we're gonna miss.
- Time for some dodgeball payback.
- Justice is a dish best served wet.
What the heck? Ha! You yeah-yeah-yeah missed me! What happened? - I happened.
- Yeah, I happened.
Say hello to our new anti-prank measures, the Anti-Prank Measures! - That's it? - Two thousand! No more replacing toilet paper with sandpaper! No more glue frosted cookies.
No more skunk spray in the air vents.
No! I thought discipline was Mr.
Krupp's job.
Not anymore.
He transferred to a new school.
- What? - He transferred to a new school.
- What? - He transferred to a new school! - Got you! - So good.
Why would Mr.
Krupp transfer? Well No idea.
But you can ponder that in the new Detention Dungeon.
Two thousand.
- Detention Dungeon? - Two thousand.
I can't believe Krupp left.
This school was his whole life.
Well, this school and guacamole.
Baby, when I'm with you If Krupp transferred, maybe we should, too! There's got to be a school out there where we can still do pranks.
I still don't get why we had to wear those things.
I had my doubts, but you're right.
This cardboard Krupp is a better vice principal than Krupp ever was.
And this one doesn't squeak like a bat when you shoot darts at him.
- Hello, Melvins.
- Hello, Melvins.
You don't have an appointment.
Mr.
Krupp, escort them out.
- Almost as lazy as the real Krupp.
- It's still an upgrade.
We want to transfer to a new - Sign here.
- School.
"Herome Jorwitz Elementary.
Best School in Quipa.
" Those words sound so familiar.
Probably just a coincidence.
Chapter 2, School of Shock.
As the boys entered the new school ready to prank up a storm, they noticed something.
- Whoa! - This school is nice! - Check it out! Running water! - And it's not chunky! - And it doesn't smell like a zookeeper! - And it's not on fire! Mochachocaccino? - Man, this school's got everything.
- Everything except our friends.
Like, Gooch, Erica, Dressy, and Bo.
Whoa.
Nope, it's even got them.
Erica, you're here! Did you guys transfer, too? Erica? You must be new.
My name is Werica.
Werica Ang.
Whoa.
That's like Erica Wang but backwards.
No, Erica Wang backwards would be Gnaw Acire.
And this is Choog, Kessy Drillman, and Hwo Beemuth.
Oh, and that's Sessica and the Jophies over there.
This is weird.
Yeah, they're exactly like our friends, only they're wearing glasses and reading, which means they're smart, according to TV.
That's true.
And all TV characters wearing glasses are required to say According to my calculations According to my calculations According to my calculations According to my cal According to my calculations, class is gonna start in 15 minutes.
Better get going.
Get going? 15 minutes? Is this an alternate universe? Like Lobsterverse? I'll take that one.
Nah, we took the bus here.
But it's definitely a bizarro version of Jerome Horwitz.
So that's why it's called Herome Jorwitz.
Actually, it's because we got too lazy to draw an entire new school and new characters, so we just changed all the names, except for George Beard and Harold Hutchins! And one other.
- Mr.
Krupp? - A bizarro Krupp, too? Not fair.
So great to see you boys! I heard you transferred in and I couldn't be happier! Whoa.
There's something our old principal would never say.
What? I am your old principal.
It's me, Mr.
Krupp! Now, I know we've had our differences in the past.
No! No! No! But that's water under the bridge.
I'm a new man, thanks to this amazing school.
We're gonna be great friends here.
- What? - What? Yep.
We're getting a fresh start.
No, no, no, a fresher start.
They're in a new school Left the old one behind Now they're friends to the end It's like they're three of a kind - Fresher start - They're having a ball! - Fresher start - Buying pants at the mall With no confrontation Every day's a vacation Oh, fresher start Fresher Start is filmed before a live studio audience.
Swing by my office later, and we'll catch up and have candy.
My door is always open.
Chapter 3, Bored-ing School I can't believe it.
They're making omelets.
With real eggs.
From chickens! And not that thing that lives under the bridge.
It's like a five-star restaurant! Is what I'd say if I knew anything about restaurants.
Shh! Six.
Yeah-yeah-yeah, keep going.
Whoa! The bizarro Mr.
Meaner is jacked.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The philosopher Arisophacles once said, "The most important muscle in the body is the mind.
" That's because he hated exercise.
His brain's jacked, too! Can we do that? It looks like fun! Looks can be deceiving.
Parkour's actually hard work.
I've trained for years and I avoid anything trivial that shrinks the brain.
Like those silly videos on the internet where a guy finds trash on roads.
Road Trash.
That guy is roadside legit! Road Trash.
Yeah! Hey, guys, I just found an empty can of carrot juice! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! Whoa! That one almost got me! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! So tempting.
But it shrinks the brain! My mind must remain pure like arctic snow.
Oh, splinter.
But that's good.
It's a teachable moment.
I'll just enlarge my finger with my latest invention, the Grow-it-alter 3000, and easily remove the splinter.
Oof! And then we can study finger anatomy.
He invents stuff, too? Shh! Hey, I'm Snelvin Meedly.
Did you see Mr.
Neamer get a big? Uh, whatchamacallit? Oh, yeah, finger? - And bizarro Melvin isn't smart? - I know you're new, but we do things differently here.
We work hard, we cherish knowledge, and we respect the teachers.
If you can do that, this school will give you back ten times what you put into it.
Okay, it's a little boring, but everything works.
The teachers teach, the food is actually made from food, and Krupp's not yelling at us.
- Maybe we should give it a shot.
- Giving it all they got I can't see a thing in these glasses! Probably a good thing, because this place looks like a mortuary for childhood.
- Can't do it! - Too boring! True, this school is great, but it's missing one thing.
Fun.
Yeah.
I thought I could live without it, but I can't.
So, what do we do? I'll tell you what we do.
We make candy rain from the sky.
We put rubber dart guns in every hand.
We tear down this school and replace it with the biggest bouncy house ever made! Okay, maybe not that last one.
But let's put the fun in functional.
Yeah, let's teach these kids how to live a little.
Ah! How do people see in those things? "You can't succeed every time, but you can try all the time.
" Now those are words to live by.
Sure, but now let's have some fun.
Move the letters around.
"Try every time and you can succeed.
" Really? I mean, with those letters you can make "butt," "turd," "snot.
" Yeah, but this is good advice.
Gonna be an uphill battle.
Time to get real.
You mean make a comic? I was gonna say transfer to another school.
But sure.
Comic.
Chapter 4! Captain Underpants and the Secret Weapon of the Stone-Faced Kids.
By George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
One time, there were, like, these serious stone-faced kids who were all, "I'm doing everything right," except they weren't 'cause they had no fun.
They were all, "More math, please" and "Yes, I'll vacuum the driveway, thank you!" Fun, not.
This one kid had a birthday party and hired an accountant to write numbers on a whiteboard.
But nobody smiled or giggled or said the word "pickle" at all! I mean, come on.
Pickle! Then these aliens came down and said, "What is the sound of human laughter, or we will mess up your planet!" The kids didn't know what to do.
They tried cleaning the silverware drawer and ironing a skirt, but it was no fun.
The aliens were gonna blast the planet to bits with their blast ray.
Warm up sounds, warm up sounds, warm up.
But then Captain Underpants came swooping in like Captain Underpants swooping in.
"I'll save Earth and junk with entertainment!" Then he flew into a haystack and popped up with hay in his ears and said, "pickle!" The aliens were like, "What?" But in alien Then Captain Underpants did all his best basketball tricks.
The Fibbidy Flop, the Aqua Duck, and big finish, the Diggidy, Diggidy, Diggidy, Doop! That's like with nine balls.
The aliens didn't get it, but the kids! They had never seen anything so amazing.
They started smiling and their faces cracked and their dumb old frowns fell right off their faces! Clank, clank, clankety-clank, clank, crack! But the unhappy aliens knocked Captain Underpants far away and said, "We will blast your planet and junk! What do you say about that?" And then the birthday party kid said, "Pickle!" And all the kids laughed really, really hard, like for the first time! But the sound Giggle, ha! But the sound was super painful to the aliens and they covered their one ear.
"Ow, that human laughing! Stop your noising!" And the kids all said, "Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle!" And laughed, like, a lot.
And the aliens said, "Enough! We cannot survive your secret weapon!" And they flew away.
Yay! Then Captain Underpants flew back in.
"Tra-la Where'd they go?" The end.
You look like a guy who likes reading, huh? Almost as much as I like paying attention in class.
Then try this! It's like you gave me something I didn't know I wanted my whole life.
This is a game changer! Time to have some fun.
And in less time than should really be possible, the kids' minds were magically transformed by the brilliant writing of George and Harold.
Laughter? In this school? Strange.
Say there, you children, what's all this giggle-gaggle about? Oh, no.
Not here.
Not now! Are you gonna yell at us or scream at us? - Because I vote yell.
- Your yell is pretty good.
I told you, I'm a new man, thanks to this perfect school.
No more yelling, no more detention.
I'm finally able to be the principal I was meant to be.
Now grab some bean bag and let's rap.
I need a favor.
I need you not to ruin this school Whoa! Because it's the only thing that has ever brought joy to my life, aside from the hand-me-down wooden toys Uncle Grover gave me, which were actually riddled with rusty nails which ultimately gave me tetanus.
But still, no comics, no pranks.
- No fun? - Correct.
What's in it for us? I won't send you to prison.
I mean, a good education.
Right? You got yourself a deal.
- We're doing a prank, right? - Yep, and it's gonna be huge.
Oh! Chapter 5, Hit-And-Fun.
You are about to witness an epic prank thanks to this baby.
Whoo-hoo! Pickle! Yeah.
Water balloon, Choog, but nice attitude.
Thanks to George and Harold, we could lose this school.
That's why I need the brightest mind here to help me save it.
I'm just surprised it's a gym teacher.
General Moon Shu once said, "If you know your enemy, you've already won the battle.
" Sure, Moon Shu lost every battle, but the point is, George and Harold are the enemy.
- So we're gonna lose? - No! Because we have me! The most brilliant man ever to organize a dodgeball game.
Not sure that's saying much.
I'll make the school perfect again.
- For all of us.
- Works for me.
Ooh! By the way, did you see the latest Road Trash video? Why, what happened? No, don't tell me! Okay, but it was really good.
He found tuxedo pants on an off-ramp.
I just found some tuxedo pants on an off-ramp! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Yeah! I told you not to tell me! How's that little balloon epic? It's not.
Until we make it giant with this baby! The Grow-it-alter 3000.
Does Mr.
Neamer know you stole his invention, which is theft and makes us all complicit in a crime? Borrowed, and no.
That's why it's a prank! Now, Werica, just read what's on the card into the mic.
Attention, teachers.
Report to the front of the school to get a free laptop.
It's working.
This school is the best! I mean, free laptops? So good.
They're in the blast zone.
Now! Why is it getting so dark? Oh, no.
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! First rule of pranking is to get rid of the evidence.
Second rule of pranking is run! I'm not giving up on you, Herome Jorwitz.
Because I love you.
Ow! Mr.
Neamer? Oh, my! Chapter 6, Heads up.
Oh, I didn't feel alive until today even though I've been alive my whole life! Choog, you were right! Zombie apocalypse! - Pranking is my jam.
- What? - Didn't think we could have it all.
- But now we do.
You'd think they'd learn to not say things like that.
But they don't.
You two delinquents are done despoiling Herome Jorwitz.
Your tiny brains are no match for my mammoth mind.
I can anticipate your every move before you even make it! I knew you were gonna do that! Whoa! Little top-heavy! Running is futile.
I'm three steps ahead of you! You think running under a bridge will stop me? There's more than enough headroom for I've got you now.
Never run into a skinny alley Wha? Hey! No fair.
This city isn't big brain-friendly.
You know what I just realized? Neamer's giant head makes him the bizarro version of Flabby Flabulous! You might remember Flabby Flabulous from a previous episode.
- Except now he's more like - Brainy Blabulous! And my mind has already devised 17,842 ways to destroy you! And counting! Whoa.
A big brain's way worse than a big butt! Time for you-know-who.
Captain Underpants! I knew you'd wreck it! You've infected this paradise with your laughter and your so-called funny drawings and your annoyingly creative spark! Is it paradise to be bored out of your skull? - Living life like an obedient robot? - Yes? You can't win.
I've got the mind of a gym teacher on my side.
I'm not going down without a fight.
Neither are we.
Tra-laLeg cramp! Oh, oh, okay.
- Captain Underpants, we need help! - Sure thing.
Ooh! Nice digs! Ow! Mind over matter, mind over matter.
Do you mind? My brain is a wonder, not a clothesline! Come on, brain! Defy physics! Yes! I've achieved mind supremacy.
Madam, your socks are dry! - How big a head are we talking here? - The biggest! I've seen bigger.
And as the Roman historian Portus Trovius once said, "Big is good.
Bigger is better.
But the biggest? Forget about it.
" - But he also ran a pizza place, so - I once said I got a rock in my shoe.
- And I don't wear shoes! - What does that mean? It means your brain is no match for his brawn! No, it doesn't.
Careful, I'm armed.
With my arms, not weapons.
Unless you count my arms as weapons, which they are.
Not compared to my brain, which I will now use to crush you! Mind over matter, mind over matter, mind over matter.
Hey, when did trees start flying? When my brain told them to.
Ditto on trees falling.
You didn't say, "Timber!" Chapter 7, The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, Presented in Quiz-O-Rama, a Thought Provoking Alternative to Fighting.
Will Captain Underpants, A, avoid being hit by a flying bathtub or B, get his clock cleaned? "B!" Question 2, will Captain Underpants A, dodge the telephone pole or B, take it in the face? "B" again.
Final question.
Will Captain Underpants, A, dodge the flying yacht or B, go on a bruise cruise? You're right.
Dumb question.
Ahoy, matey! Welcome aboard the S.
S - Dude went nautical! - Where'd he even get a yacht in Piqua? Do you believe your brawn is superior to my brains now? I will levitate you two into outer space! Or at least several blocks away, restoring this school to its former perfection! But you can't do that! Without a permit! My power is growing! Look! I can shoot colored lights out of my eyes! Let's get outta here.
Whoa! You two are next.
How do we downsize his brain before he squeezes all the fun outta ours? Sorry, guys.
Watching Road Trash.
He just found a plastic bag.
A plastic bag! I just found a plastic bag! Uh-huh! Yeah! I avoid anything trivial that shrinks the brain like those silly videos on the internet where a guy finds trash on roads.
I got it.
We're gonna dumb him down with Road Trash.
Hey.
My phone.
- But how's he gonna see it? - Look! The Grow-it-alter! Look out, Harold! Hey! Brainy! Ha, ha! You two are making this awfully easy! Get ready to Is that Road Trash? Road Trash, yeah! Another trash bag? What're the odds? Uh-huh.
Yeah! That one almost got me! Whoo! It's beautiful.
Who would've thought Neamer's Grow-it-alter would come in handy? Everyone.
Literally, everyone.
Whoa! Still got my sea legs.
No way! I just found a Wait, is this the one where the guy finds the garbage? I love that one.
Oh, no.
Can't stop watching.
Trash fun to watch.
Me lose think good.
It's working! Road Trash is shrinking his brain! Whoa.
What are these? Hey! I can see! Jurisprudence.
And read! This book is interesting! - Whoa.
Whoa! - Oh, a cassette tape! Wow! Sorry, still getting my land legs.
Hey, is that the remote? I wanna hear what the garbage is saying! - No! - Whoa! Whoa.
That bird should lay off the carbs.
What! Huh? My perfect school is a pigeon! And where are my clothes? Chapter 8, Home is Where The Heartburn is.
That school was so nice.
The teachers knew how to read, the kids didn't make fun of me, and Those omelets.
But I gotta admit, I was bored out of my skull! - So were we.
- Me, too.
It'll be nice to pull pranks in a place where they're appreciated again.
And to yell at kids again.
Starting with you two! Let the good times ro Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey, George, how come there weren't bizarro versions of us? - 'Cause we're one of a kind, buddy.
- Two of a kind.
Yeah! Look! I just found a perfectly good guy! Who would throw this away? Whoa! That one almost got both of us.
Whoo!