The Proud Family (2001) s02e09 Episode Script

(Penny)
A wise man once said that
every human being has
two inclinations.
One prompting him to good,
and the other prompting him
to evil.
Good and evil,
the eternal yin and yang.
All my life I played
Miss Goody Two-shoes
and I’ve never strayed until now.
Proud, you think
you’re tough, huh?
Well, you look all wet to me.
On your feet, Proud!
On your feet, now!
Yeah, that’s me, Penny Proud.
Yeah, I’m ashy, and yeah,
I’m in boot camp.
Holler.
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
to acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-And make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing, a family
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you wanna
to hug ’em ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Yee-ouch!
Proud, are you finished yet?
I said, on your feet, Proud!
or do you want to run ten more
miles after the obstacle course?
Do you? Do you? Do you?
They say a boot camp
is supposed to be tough,
but mostly it’s just noisy.
Case in point, Sergeant Snelly.
Old boy don’t do nothing
but yell.
A’ight, a’ight.
I guess you’re wondering by now
how I got here.
Well, it all started with Mr. Moody,
the advisor to the school newspaper,
The Checkered Flag Times.
It was open tryouts for reporter positions
on the paper.
I figured I was a shoo-in for the staff,
seeing who my
esteemed competition was.
-(pop)
-(laughter)
A shoo-in.
Congratulations to those of you
who are now joining the ranks
of journalists as reporters
for the Checkered Flag Times.
(gasps)
Rejected? What does that mean?
Well, let’s check the dictionary.
It means dismissed, refused,
repudiated, disapproved,
declined, spurned,
turned down, ditched,
dumped, chucked, shucked off,
ducked, disregarded,
or, in other words,
your writing is wack.
-(Penny sighs)
-(bell rings)
Class dismissed.
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Moody.
I was wondering
what was wrong with my article,
"The Good Things
About Good People"?
It’s simple.
It wasn’t very good.
A newspaper article should take
its readers
on an interesting and compelling
journey, Ms. Proud.
Your article put me on a bullet train
to Snoozeville.
Please, Mr. Moody,
give me another chance!
I know I can do it!
I’ve followed your career
from its heights
at the New York Times
to its crash landing here at
Willy T. Ripps Middle School.
Please? I’m your biggest fan!
OK, Proud. I’m going to give
you one more chance.
And please, bring back something
that doesn’t remind me
of how far I have fallen.
Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
I won’t disappoint you!
Why are you testing me
this way?
What have I done?
(sobbing)
Armed with a pad, a pencil,
and Mr. Moody’s less-than-sincere
encouragement,
I hit the streets
looking for the perfect story.
So, Daddy
when did you stumble
onto the snack thing?
Well, Penny, it all started
when I was two years old.
Me and a few of my friends discovered
I had a knack for making mud taste good,
and the rest, as they say,
is history.
(Penny sighs)
So, Suga Mama
may I call you Suga Mama?
Why did you fall in love
with wrestling?
Well, Penny, it all started
when your Suga Mama
was two years old.
(groans)
So, Dr. Proud:
a veterinarian why?
Well, Penny, it all started
when I was two years old.
(rhinoceros grunts)
(bell rings)
Just as I was ready to give up
my journalistic dreams,
fate made its presence known.
(Nubia) Get off me!
I’m tired of going to detention!
-(officers) Come on girls!
-I said, get off.
And there it was,
right before my eyes.
My story was being dragged
to tenth period detention.
The title popped
into my head immediately
"The Diary of a Bad Girl."
All I had to do
was get close to my subject,
which meant one thing.
I had to go undercover.
Hey!
I had to get put in detention.
Let’s go.
(alarm rings)
(robotic voice) Here. Here.
Here. Here. Here. Here.
Dang.
What does a person have to do
to get put in detention around here?
Uh, Penny Proud, you’re late.
(laughter)
Detention was the real deal.
There were even students left there
from the ’80s.
What’s up, Nubia?
What you doing here, Proud?
Uh, I, uh
they put me in here
’cause I was acting out.
You know, like you guys.
(laughter)
Act out? Shoot, we act up.
Now beat it, Goody Two-shoes.
Unh!
I had to do something to make the
Gross Sisters think I was tough like them
instead of scared like me.
Yo, you sitting in my seat, kid.
Your seat?
I don’t see your name on it.
Now you do.
Or can’t you read?
You shouldn’t have done that
"P" "Pain"
It’s Penny, punk.
(growls)
(barking)
Wha!
My bad. I-i-it’s your seat.
I thought so.
Anybody else want some of this?
I didn’t think so.
Hey, I got to give you
your props, Proud.
Even I wouldn’t have tried that.
I mean, you put the fear
in old boy.
I guess you didn’t know
I had it in me.
The truth is,
I didn’t know I had it in me.
Yeah, girl,
you hardcore, for real.
Hey, look, we about
to ditch detention.
Grade school just let out
and we got some cheddar
to grate. You with us?
You gonna rob grade school kids?!
Ahem.
Yeah, I’m with it, whoadie.
I love cheese.
(laughter)
You funny, Proud.
Let’s bounce.
And just like that,
I was down with the Gross Sisters.
Yeah let’s roll out.
Boo!
(laughter)
And just like that, I was hooked
on the power of being bad.
(Trudy)
Oscar, I do not believe this!
Baby, I can explain.
I was pulling into the driveway,
I never saw them.
Saw what? I was talking about Penny.
Oh, yeah, Penny,
our daughter, heh heh.
Disregard that fictional
story about your azaleas.
(clears throat) So, what’s up with Penny?
Did she make the honor roll again?
No, according to this letter
she’s made the dishonor roll.
She’s been sent to detention six
times in the past two weeks.
Detention?
No, that doesn’t
sound like Penny.
Sounds more like you, Oscar.
I was at your school so much
I won a perfect attendance award.
Gee, and not
the perfect mother award? Ow!
(Oscar whimpering)
Penny, hold it right there.
Penny, what are you doing?
Mm, stretching. What’s up?
That’s what we want to know.
What’s up with all the detentions?
Is there something
you want to tell us, baby?
What was I going to say?
That I was
the beast of detention?
That I ran
with the Gross bunch?
That I beat down grade schoolers
just so I can get a byline
on the school newspaper?
I don’t think so.
So I lied.
Uh, no. Maybe it was
some kind of mistake.
You know how they do everything
by computer these days.
They probably meant
another Penny Proud.
You know,
it’s a very common name.
I told Oscar that
when he named you.
Mm-mm,
nobody wouldn’t listen to me.
I didn’t name her
Trudy did.
I wanted to name her
after Pam Grier Coffy.
Don’t worry, you guys have
nothing to worry about.
I’ll straighten
it out tomorrow.
Okay, baby.
We love you.
In the words of my idol,
Darth Vader,
"It was all too easy."
I could have told my parents
Christmas came in July
and them fools
would have made me a snowman.
The path was now clear for me
to go deep, deep undercover.
I sold protection to the frayed
and the frightened.
Took food from the wimps
and the wimpettes.
Took money
from the freaks and the geeks.
You know the drill
hands up, cash out.
But, Penny,
we’re your friends.
The name’s P. Gimme.
And P. Gimme don’t need
no friends.
Ha, ha.
Just need those ends.
Yeah, P. Gimme was runnin' things,
you heard me.
Jacking was bad,
but it felt good.
So good, shoot,
P. Gimme robbed herself.
In no time at all,
I had enough material
to publish my own newspaper,
but I never wrote a word of it down.
I was too busy counting my loot.
I don’t know when I started changing,
but it was obvious that
something was happening to me.
It was amazing
how I took to my new role.
You talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
I was feared by all.
And pretty soon,
I didn’t care if my parents
knew about my life
as P. Gimme or not.
Yo, y’all, I’m out.
Yo, Penny, where are you going?
The name’s P. Gimme,
-(all gasp)
-and I don’t think it’s your biz-ness.
Oh, no, she didn’t!
Wait till I get a hold of her.
I’ll give her something, all right.
Oh, you need to chill, old lady.
You Oscar’s mama, not mine.
Oh, no, she
No, no, that
No, she didn’t.
She practically did, a-ah!
Not Suga Mama.
Okay, young lady,
you better go upstairs
to your room and, and
and take a time out!
Oh, I’m going to take a time out,
but it’s not gonna be up in my room.
(Oscar) Penny!
We said go to your room, now!
(growling)
Oscar, what are we
gonna do about Penny?
Well, I know what to do with her.
Just give me the word.
Absolutely not, Mama.
We know how to handle
our daughter, thank you.
So what are we gonna do, Oscar?
I say we let Mama have her.
They’re both hard core.
-Oscar, no.
-(whip cracking)
Penny has never been
a discipline problem before.
I say we go upstairs
and talk to her
and get to the bottom
of this.
And if that doesn’t work,
I say we warm her bottom.
You know, Suga Mama does seem
to have a handle on this.
Oscar!
Oh, Oscar, you better
stand up to that girl.
OK, OK.
We’ll go talk to her.
Penny, your father
and I would liketo
Where is she?
(clock ticking)
(rooster crows)
-(door opens)
-(gasps)
Penny, this time
you’ve gone too far.
So what you gonna do, Trudy?
Ground me as usual?
I don’t care, I’ll do the time.
(Oscar) Oh, you’ll be
doing time, all right.
But you won’t be doing it here, like I am.
You’re going to boot camp.
Boot camp?!
You heard him. Boot camp.
Only if you can catch me
Aah!
Kiss your mama and your daddy
good-bye, Penny Proud,
’cause Sergeant Snelly
is your mama and daddy now.
You got that, maggot?
I couldn’t believe it.
I was on my way to boot camp.
(Penny)
Boot camp wasn’t so bad:
no parents, three squares a day,
movie every Friday
I could’ve done the time
standing on my head.
Unfortunately, it was the one thing
me and Sergeant Snelly agreed on.
Have you had enough, Proud?!
Have you? Have you?
Have you? Have you?
The truth is, I had been
standing on my head so long,
everything looked red.
I haven’t had enough, Sergeant!
-(laughter)
-And that’s all it took.
Standing up to Smelly Snelly
made me queen bee of boot camp.
From that moment forth,
I was running things.
I ran it all
from the candy concession
-(cash register rings)
-to the tickets for the weekly movie.
If it was bought, sold, or traded,
I had my hands on it.
I was the Wizard Kelly
of boot camp, y’all.
Whoa, look! My mom
sent me some cookies.
(Penny clears throat)
I mean, sent you some
cookies, P. Gimme.
(crunching)
Everything was going fine.
I was thinking about re-upping
for another tour
when somebody snitched
to Sergeant Snelly.
Bet you can’t say that
three times.
She’s the one that took
my cookies that my mom sent me!
Her! P. Gimme.
There I was,
caught chocolate-chip-handed,
so I stuffed the incriminating
cookies in my mouth.
But there wasn’t a drop of milk
left to wash the evidence down.
What’s wrong, Proud?
Got no milk?
If my mouth wasn’t full,
I would have clowned him
about his grammar.
Open your mouth, Proud!
Open it, open it,
open it, open it!
Well, well, well
if it isn’t the cookie monster.
Now, you know what we do to
people who break rules, Proud?
Well, you’re about to find out,
Miss Molly Maggot!
And find out, I did.
Snelly threw everything at me
latrine duty
Good work, Proud,
but you missed a spot.
(gasps)
(sighs)
kitchen duty
Proud, are you finished yet?
Yes, Sergeant.
Just one more, Sergeant.
I don’t think so.
-Back it up, boys.
-(beep beep)
Back it up, back it up,
back it up!
wash Sergeant Snelly’s
car duty
Are you finished,
Proud?
Yes, Sergeant.
What’s that?
What does it look like?
-My tank.
-(alarm beeps off)
Clean it up! Clean it up,
clean it up, clean it up!
By the time
I was on guard duty,
I knew it was my duty
to go AWOL.
Halt. Who goes there?
Unh!
(Penny chirps)
Oh, look at the big, pretty bird!
Fly, bird. Fly.
Oh, that’s so cute.
(laughter)
Breaking out of boot camp
was so easy,
I went back and gave
an encore performance.
Oh, look at the pretty bunny!
Hoppity, hoppity, hoppity,
hoppity, hoppity, hoppity.
Oh, no. The bad dog is chasing
the little bunny.
Run, honey bunny, run!
Run!
(laughs)
(applause and cheers)
Three standing ovations
and a bouquet of flowers later,
I decided to continue
my mad scramble to freedom.
Of course, the first people I looked up
were my partners in crime,
the Gross sisters.
(doorbell)
What’s up, Nubia?
P. Gimme, when did you get out
of lockdown?
We can talk about that
over some jacking.
Grab your sisters, and let’s roll.
Oh, I don’t think so.
You too hard core,
P. Gimme.
We don’t associate
with real criminals.
Who you callin’
a "real criminal"?
You, Penny-Tentiary.
I couldn’t believe it
my own crew went soft on me.
So I decided to look up
my old posse.
I knew they wouldn’t let me down,
if for no other reason,
they were scared of me.
Well, look what
the cat coughed up.
I thought you were
on lockdown.
P. Gimme is never on lockdown.
Look, Dee, I need your help.
-Yeah? I need my money back.
-So, it’s like that?
Look, all I got is five candy bars.
You mean,
you had five candy bars.
Here, chump!
Now, this is what
I need you to do
-(door slams)
-(Penny gasps)
I didn’t know it at the time,
but it was the beginning
of a long, long night.
(gasps)
Nobody would help me!
They all turned their backs on me
just because I took they food,
they money, and they stupid dignity.
But that was okay,
because I still had
the most important thing
there is to have:
Family.
-(Bebe cooing)
- I’m just in time. They’re eating.
(sniffs) Mm, smells like Mama made
her special pot roast.
(sniffs)
with mashed potatoes and peas!
Oh, no! Daddy’s making
homemade ice cream
to go with the cobbler.
Oh, oh, Daddy,
I wanna lick the spoon.
Can I get to lick
the spoon, please?
(barking)
Oh, no.
Puff has taken my place.
As I watched Puff
lick my spoon
and then lick everybody else
at the table
I realized they had forgotten
all about me.
The only thing left for me
to do was to get my things
and disappear into the night.
But first I had to say good-bye
to the twins.
I knew they still loved me.
Bye, Bebe, Cece. I love you.
(screaming)
Is bad!
Bad girl, bad Penny!
-Bad Penny!
-OK, OK!
What’s wrong with Mommy’s
little honey-bunnies?
Hmm
I thought I closed this window.
(owls hoot)
Aah!
As I lay there in the yard,
I suddenly heard the words
of Mr. Mooney
(sobbing)
Why are you testing me
this way?
What have I done?
My homies, my friends,
my family, had all turned against me.
All that I had held near and dear
was no longer dear or near.
I had but one choice
left to me.
(bugle playing)
Where’s Proud?
What do you think you’re doing, Proud?
Trying to be all that I can be
before 6:00 a.m., Sergeant!
Wrong answer, Proud.
You need to be all you can be 24/7,
but you can’t do that,
now, can you, Proud?
Yes, I can, Sergeant!
Are you calling me a liar, Proud?
No, Sergeant, I just think
you’re mistaken, Sergeant.
I’m mistaken? I’m mistaken?
No, I’m not mistaken!
You’re mistaken, Proud!
Outside! To the obstacle course!
Now!
But Sergeant, it’s raining.
I’ll get wet!
Not if you run
between the drops!
Now, move it! Move it, move it,
move it, move it!
So, that’s how
it all happened
the jacking,
disrespecting my parents,
stealing from my friends
it all led me straight here.
I started out reporting a story
and became part of it.
I guess that’s what happens
when you let yourself get caught up.
I said on your feet, Proud.
Or have you had enough?
Speaking of catching up,
I’ve got a lot to do.
No, Sergeant!
I haven’t had enough, Sergeant!
I can do this all day, Sergeant!
As long as I get to go home
to my family, Sergeant!
Then you’d better get on your feet
and move, Private!
Well, Mr. Moody, you like it?
Or did it remind you
of how far you’ve fallen?
As a matter of fact, it did, Penny.
Well, thanks for giving me
a second chance, Mr. Mooney.
Maybe next time.
Hold it right there, Proud.
Next time is now.
Congratulations. You’re on staff.
Are you serious?
-Yes.
-Oh, thank you, thank you!
Just promise me that you
won’t go undercover again.
I don’t want your Suga Mama
chasing me with her cane.
That woman swings
like Barry Bonds.
-(bell rings)
-You have my word, Mr. Moody.
I’ll never do it again.
Ooh, I’m on staff,
I’m on staff! ♪
(gasps)
(laughter)
And there it was my next story.
The title just popped
into my head:
"The Diary of an Extreme Skateboarder."
(laughs)
If you want to know how this ends,
pick up the next issue
of the Willie T. Ripps
Checkered Flag Times.