The Simple Life (2003) s02e09 Episode Script
Episode 9
Why do you always lock my window? So I have control of everything.
Well, the girls are making their way through central Texas, and heading into the hill country.
I'm so excited going to the next family.
- Me, too.
- I hope they're nice.
Luke, you know who's coming to see you? Couple of big-city girls coming to see you.
Well, this is the Click ranch.
Right now, we got about 30 head of cattle, five horses, and a couple of great ranch dogs.
Excitement on the Click ranch, huh? We're semi-retired.
I'm a retired schoolteacher, and Bob's a retired marine.
- So, we're ready? - I'm ready as I'll ever be, yeah.
Let's do it.
I prefer living out here in the country, where the pace of life is a little slower and people are, I think, a little nicer.
Elton, I do believe I see a silver airstream coming down our roadway.
They're hittin' those potholes hard.
Hitting the potholes hard.
Whoa! Where do you suppose they keep the dogs? Are you joking with the driving? Paris and Nicole living at the Click ranch I'm a little concerned.
Let's take two girls, both filthy rich Isn't that Paris Hilton? From the bright lights down to the sticks from velvet ropes to cattle pulls let's take away their limousines their credit cards and shopping sprees well, they're both spoiled rotten will they cry when they hit bottom? Heaven knows if they'll survive this simple road trip kind of life.
Where the hell are we? - Hey, there ladies.
- Hi.
I'm Paris.
- I'm bob Click.
- Nice to meet you, bob.
Glad to meet you and welcome, Paris.
- Hi.
Nicole.
- Nicole.
Welcome.
- And this is? - Honey.
Honey.
- And this is? - Tinkerbell.
Hi, Tinkerbell.
Well, y'all, y'all come sit over here and take a load off.
Y'all been driving.
I'm sure you must be tired and let's go have a seat.
I guess now'd be a good time, uh, to kind of talk through a little biton the rules of engagement here at the Click ranch.
We're real happy to have ya.
Uh, hopefully, you'll find the peace and quiet .
.
enjoyable.
They love each other.
Move over here, dear.
But I'd, I'd like to take you out for just a quick spin and let you see the ranch in the jeep.
Y'all want to take a little quick spin? Look like a cowgirl, spitting out a little chewing tobacco.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
All right, ladies.
Now, if things get a little bumpy, make sure you don't bump your front tooth on that.
That's hot.
Which one of y'all's ready to drive? - Me.
- I am.
All right, let's do it.
She has no license.
It's, it's easy.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah? No, I can drive this.
Well, let's do it.
Were you watching at all while I was driving? Yeah.
- Do you know what you're doing? - Yeah.
All right, well, it's clutch on the left.
- Clutch? - Clu oh, god.
- It's a stick shift.
- Okay.
But, hey, believe me.
It's real easy.
Okay.
Just put the clutch in on the left.
Go ahead and keep it all the way in.
Okay, now slowly let the clutch out, and give it a little bit of gas.
That's hot.
Oh, boy.
You want me to do it? - How 'bout you drive? - All right.
Okay.
So, how long have you and your wife been together? Been married 30, almost 33 years.
Been together for 39.
I'm the husband of my junior high school sweetheart.
We met back in seventh and eighth grade, and we've been together ever since.
What do you guys do together? Talk Do you guys (boing) each other? Talk over old times.
Uh we don't want to go there.
Well, you want to help me in the kitchen? Sure.
We're gonna make some cheese dip to take down.
- Okay.
- Okay? You can't go to a party in Texas without takin' this dip.
You're 20 23? - Three.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay.
You know how old I was when I met Bob? Eighth grade.
He was he was a doll and every time he walks into a room I still get chill bumps.
That's cute.
Is he romantic? He's a marine, and, like, how romantic can a marine be, like? Most marines are not romantic.
Mm-hmm.
A short while later, Gayle and the girls head down to a big family cookout.
But dinner isn't what's on the girls' minds.
With this meal, you get a free song.
I love music.
I think you're the one I been dreamin' of a long, long time, it seems for years and years I've watched you come and go in my dreams time passes so quickly there's so little time for love I think Bob and Gayle are really in love, but I think that we can make it a little bit better.
We wanted to talk to you.
Uh-oh.
Because we want you to have a little romantic date tomorrow night.
We want to help out.
Aha.
We just feel like, 'cause we're younger, maybe we know more romantic things that maybe you haven't caught onto.
Any help you can give me, I would certainly appreciate it.
You should wear a suit with your shirt open.
With my shirt open? Most guys we know You should maybe, like, wax the chest.
No, I don't think Nowadays, like, they have oils to get your significant other excited.
Well And buy her a gift.
Get her roses.
Lingerie.
You should put some candles out, and a card.
I see.
And something else.
Y'all are now getting pretty deep into my pocket.
Oh, and, like, some diamonds.
Well, I don't think I need to go quite that far.
Every girl loves diamonds.
Yeah, I hear you.
Okay, very good recommendations.
Anything else? Some furry handcuffs.
Uh, probably not going to happen.
What about, um, if you wrote her a poem? What rhymes with sky? - You want to try the poem? - Yes.
You want to do it in the mirror, so you know what you look like? You should like, relax, don't you think? Do I not come across as relaxed? You're not, like, that relaxed.
And maybe, like, tear up a little bit.
And, you know, maybe like a few tears.
Maybe just a few tears.
I'll buy the looking into her eyes and relaxing a little bit more and I'm not coming across so uptight.
Marine-like and uptight.
But now, you haven't quite sold me on the, on the dampening of the eyes.
Um you want me to? - Yeah, let's go.
- Let's go.
Rehearse in front of the mirror, okay? Okay, here, we'll keep a picture of her right here, so you have some drive, okay? Read it out loud.
"I love you, Gayle.
- If it's a crime" - Oh, that's "jail.
" Sorry.
"I will, I'll go to jail.
"I don't care how expensive the bail, "because you make my heart sail.
"Sail like a boat.
"I'll keep you warm like a coat.
"Without you, I'm a lost little goat.
"You've got me by the throat.
"I'm so in love, "if I wasn't from south central Texas, I might cry.
" Okay.
"Let's fly in the sky.
"I love you, I love you, I love you.
" What's that at the bottom? Is that the author's name, or who is that? No, you just go from "I love you, I love you, I love you.
" - And say that? - Yes.
I generally don't say a word that I don't know what it means.
It means, like, "I'm done," okay? You, you can say it.
You know I'm hip.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, booyah.
" Yeah, see.
Um "I love you, I love you, I love you.
" That would not sound right coming out of my mouth.
Well, it's a new day in the Texas hill country.
It's getting late, girls.
- Y'all gettin' ready? - Yeah.
And for the girls, that means a new job.
All right, girls.
- Y'all have a good day.
- You, too.
Work, work hard.
We always do.
Good morning.
- Hi.
- My name is Matt King.
Hi.
Paris.
I'm chief deputy at the sheriff's office in Bandera.
Hi.
Nicole.
Today, you're going to be deputies.
Loves it.
All righty.
In order to be deputies, you got to look like deputies.
There you go, Nicole and Paris.
It's so cool.
- What is this? - Don't spray that.
- Mace? - Uh, it's pepper spray.
Where's my gun? You don't get a gun on the first day.
- Where are my handcuffs? - They're right in there.
Loves it.
Okay? Let's go.
We'll take you to a room where you can change.
- We're ready.
- Ready? I want y'all to stand up.
Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
I solemnly swear.
I solemnly swear.
That I will faithfully preserve, protect, and defend.
That I will faithfully preserve, protect, and defend.
So help me, god.
So help me, god.
Okay, now before I hand you these badges, I want you to understand how serious this is, okay? This is a real job, so you need to act appropriately.
I feel I've made a big mistake.
- Okay? You guys ready? - Yeah.
We're going to go back into the jail right now.
This is your first assignment.
You're going to assist with the serving lunch to the inmates.
I don't want you to engage in conversation with 'em.
Don't drop anything.
These guys are in there for a variety of different reasons.
- Felonies? - Yes.
Loves it.
- It stinks.
- It's a jail.
- Ready? - Lunch is ready.
Thank you.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Get your silly cups out.
- How's your guys' day.
- Pretty good.
It's better now.
Do you guys have barbecue chicken for him? Do you have canadian bacon pizza? Sorry.
Can I ask you a question? I haven't eaten all day.
Can I have a bite of it? Thanks, gorgeous.
It's not very good.
Hello? There you go.
How's your day going? The weather's not that great outside, so you're not missing much.
You guys are living in a bigger space than we are.
Well, you seem like you're in a good place.
What are when do you get out? Uh, I don't know yet.
I wasn't sure Well, if you get out tonight, you can come hang out with us.
This is fun.
- How'd it go? - Gorgeous.
- Everybody get fed? - Yeah.
One of the guys is allergic to peaches and he didn't get to eat fruit, so I felt bad.
He doesn't live that far from here.
So, how do you, how do you know all about these people when I - He lives, like - .
.
wait, wait, wait, when I told you not to talk to 'em and, uh, you know their life history now? What we're going to have you do next is go down and write parking tickets.
I'm going to give you all the details on the vehicle.
First thing you're going to do is not touch all the switches.
Hey, yeah.
That's funny.
All right, turn it off.
Can you guys hear me? H ey.
Do not talk on the radio like that.
I'm tired of explaining, all right? This is not a joke.
Now, you said you could take it seriously.
Are you gonna? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
All right.
Hello? Everyone needs to pull over.
Nicole! Who parks like this? Violation.
- Paw prints on car.
- Yeah.
Paw prints on car, and ass is sticking out.
Now we're real cops.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
What are you doing with open alcohol in the street? Uh-oh.
What are you gentlemen doing? Nothing, officer.
All right, well, then you just have to chug those right now.
Be a man.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Nice doing business with you.
Bye.
Let's go get some ice cream across the street.
We don't have any money.
We're cops-- they have to give it to us.
Can I have a root beer float, please? - Do you have sherbet? - Yes, we do.
I love the pink gun.
No, you got to pull the trigger-- there you go.
- We should go back to work.
- That's hot.
Pull over (bleep).
Pull over, I said! Now get out and shake what your mama gave you.
Put your hands up, sir.
Turn around, please.
Grab your tush cheeks, please.
Scream, "I love it!" Pull over, ma'am.
Please step out of the car, ma'am.
I'd like to know what I did.
Please put your hands up.
- Do you have any weapons? - Does it look like it? What's your name? What's up? Whassup? Put 'em up.
All right, this has gotten out of hand.
You guys go on back to your car.
Sir, I'm sorry about this.
Let's get back in the car and go back to the office.
Wax 'em.
We've gotten so many complaints.
All right, y'all have a good day.
I'm sorry about all that.
Hello, sheriff's department.
Well, it was very interesting.
I don't think you're cut out to be deputy sheriffs, though.
So, uh, I'll need to get your badges back from you and your gun belts.
Now, you did help out-- you fed the prisoners and you wrote tickets, so I'm gonna pay you for a day's work.
Um, my phone hasn't rang so much in I can't remember when.
- Did people love it? - Uh, I don't think so.
I hope I still have a job.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Another day of justice served.
That's hot.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mr.
Click is taking the girls' advice on romance.
The night's just right for love.
Hey, there.
Surprise.
- Well, look at you.
- Welcome.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Look at you.
- How was your day? - What is this? Well, got a little surprise for you.
Why don't you, uh come on in.
There you go.
Did you have a rough day? Somebody has had a hand in this.
Well, I did get a little encouragement from those young ladies.
That's sweet.
- Here's to you.
- I'm flattered.
- May we have many more.
- I'm flattered.
Thanks, Bob.
I feel real strongly about, uh, our relationship, and, uh, there is a poem basically trying to express, you know, my feelings for you and, uh, it goes something like this.
I love my Gayle, and if that's a crime, I will go to jail.
I don't care the price of bail, 'cause she makes my heart sail.
Sail like a naval boat.
I'll keep you warm like an oilskin coat.
Without you, I'm a lost little goat.
I'm so in love, I could I could cry.
Probably won't, but I could.
Without you, I would die.
I love you.
I love you.
I do love you.
Boo-yah.
I think Gayle might get lucky this evening.
There they are.
- Ooh - Oh, boy.
Are we interrupting anything? Welcome home.
That's so cute.
You look handsome.
- This was wonderful.
- Yeah, y'all did Very thoughtful.
Oh, my god, the candles.
Appreciate it.
- You listened.
- Yeah, I did.
The picture.
Hey! That's hot.
- You read the poem? - I did.
Did you close it with the "boo-yah"? - Well, what do you think? - Gorgeous.
- Okay, is this it, girls? - Yes.
All right.
Y'all be safe going home.
Thank you.
Or wherever your next travels are.
Thank you so much.
Paris, we enjoyed having y'all.
I think I would've almost liked to have seen them stay another couple of days.
Oh, and by the way Uh-oh.
Yes, ma'am? Just in case you guys want to spice it up a little bit.
Oh, boy, I hate to think what Miss Hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks - Uh - Do you love it? No doubt about it, I love it.
Sorry.
Eh, right to the very end.
Roller skates on a social butterfly, well That was hot.
And now, next on the season finale of The Simple Life.
So mean.
It's a sign of ownership.
It's a necessity.
Every rancher does it.
Look how cute Bill is.
Freckle puss.
What are you gonna do with them? We're gonna go to slaughter.
What?! They're gonna kill Bill.
We're going home.
I can't believe we did it.
We ran out of gas!
Well, the girls are making their way through central Texas, and heading into the hill country.
I'm so excited going to the next family.
- Me, too.
- I hope they're nice.
Luke, you know who's coming to see you? Couple of big-city girls coming to see you.
Well, this is the Click ranch.
Right now, we got about 30 head of cattle, five horses, and a couple of great ranch dogs.
Excitement on the Click ranch, huh? We're semi-retired.
I'm a retired schoolteacher, and Bob's a retired marine.
- So, we're ready? - I'm ready as I'll ever be, yeah.
Let's do it.
I prefer living out here in the country, where the pace of life is a little slower and people are, I think, a little nicer.
Elton, I do believe I see a silver airstream coming down our roadway.
They're hittin' those potholes hard.
Hitting the potholes hard.
Whoa! Where do you suppose they keep the dogs? Are you joking with the driving? Paris and Nicole living at the Click ranch I'm a little concerned.
Let's take two girls, both filthy rich Isn't that Paris Hilton? From the bright lights down to the sticks from velvet ropes to cattle pulls let's take away their limousines their credit cards and shopping sprees well, they're both spoiled rotten will they cry when they hit bottom? Heaven knows if they'll survive this simple road trip kind of life.
Where the hell are we? - Hey, there ladies.
- Hi.
I'm Paris.
- I'm bob Click.
- Nice to meet you, bob.
Glad to meet you and welcome, Paris.
- Hi.
Nicole.
- Nicole.
Welcome.
- And this is? - Honey.
Honey.
- And this is? - Tinkerbell.
Hi, Tinkerbell.
Well, y'all, y'all come sit over here and take a load off.
Y'all been driving.
I'm sure you must be tired and let's go have a seat.
I guess now'd be a good time, uh, to kind of talk through a little biton the rules of engagement here at the Click ranch.
We're real happy to have ya.
Uh, hopefully, you'll find the peace and quiet .
.
enjoyable.
They love each other.
Move over here, dear.
But I'd, I'd like to take you out for just a quick spin and let you see the ranch in the jeep.
Y'all want to take a little quick spin? Look like a cowgirl, spitting out a little chewing tobacco.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
All right, ladies.
Now, if things get a little bumpy, make sure you don't bump your front tooth on that.
That's hot.
Which one of y'all's ready to drive? - Me.
- I am.
All right, let's do it.
She has no license.
It's, it's easy.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah? No, I can drive this.
Well, let's do it.
Were you watching at all while I was driving? Yeah.
- Do you know what you're doing? - Yeah.
All right, well, it's clutch on the left.
- Clutch? - Clu oh, god.
- It's a stick shift.
- Okay.
But, hey, believe me.
It's real easy.
Okay.
Just put the clutch in on the left.
Go ahead and keep it all the way in.
Okay, now slowly let the clutch out, and give it a little bit of gas.
That's hot.
Oh, boy.
You want me to do it? - How 'bout you drive? - All right.
Okay.
So, how long have you and your wife been together? Been married 30, almost 33 years.
Been together for 39.
I'm the husband of my junior high school sweetheart.
We met back in seventh and eighth grade, and we've been together ever since.
What do you guys do together? Talk Do you guys (boing) each other? Talk over old times.
Uh we don't want to go there.
Well, you want to help me in the kitchen? Sure.
We're gonna make some cheese dip to take down.
- Okay.
- Okay? You can't go to a party in Texas without takin' this dip.
You're 20 23? - Three.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay.
You know how old I was when I met Bob? Eighth grade.
He was he was a doll and every time he walks into a room I still get chill bumps.
That's cute.
Is he romantic? He's a marine, and, like, how romantic can a marine be, like? Most marines are not romantic.
Mm-hmm.
A short while later, Gayle and the girls head down to a big family cookout.
But dinner isn't what's on the girls' minds.
With this meal, you get a free song.
I love music.
I think you're the one I been dreamin' of a long, long time, it seems for years and years I've watched you come and go in my dreams time passes so quickly there's so little time for love I think Bob and Gayle are really in love, but I think that we can make it a little bit better.
We wanted to talk to you.
Uh-oh.
Because we want you to have a little romantic date tomorrow night.
We want to help out.
Aha.
We just feel like, 'cause we're younger, maybe we know more romantic things that maybe you haven't caught onto.
Any help you can give me, I would certainly appreciate it.
You should wear a suit with your shirt open.
With my shirt open? Most guys we know You should maybe, like, wax the chest.
No, I don't think Nowadays, like, they have oils to get your significant other excited.
Well And buy her a gift.
Get her roses.
Lingerie.
You should put some candles out, and a card.
I see.
And something else.
Y'all are now getting pretty deep into my pocket.
Oh, and, like, some diamonds.
Well, I don't think I need to go quite that far.
Every girl loves diamonds.
Yeah, I hear you.
Okay, very good recommendations.
Anything else? Some furry handcuffs.
Uh, probably not going to happen.
What about, um, if you wrote her a poem? What rhymes with sky? - You want to try the poem? - Yes.
You want to do it in the mirror, so you know what you look like? You should like, relax, don't you think? Do I not come across as relaxed? You're not, like, that relaxed.
And maybe, like, tear up a little bit.
And, you know, maybe like a few tears.
Maybe just a few tears.
I'll buy the looking into her eyes and relaxing a little bit more and I'm not coming across so uptight.
Marine-like and uptight.
But now, you haven't quite sold me on the, on the dampening of the eyes.
Um you want me to? - Yeah, let's go.
- Let's go.
Rehearse in front of the mirror, okay? Okay, here, we'll keep a picture of her right here, so you have some drive, okay? Read it out loud.
"I love you, Gayle.
- If it's a crime" - Oh, that's "jail.
" Sorry.
"I will, I'll go to jail.
"I don't care how expensive the bail, "because you make my heart sail.
"Sail like a boat.
"I'll keep you warm like a coat.
"Without you, I'm a lost little goat.
"You've got me by the throat.
"I'm so in love, "if I wasn't from south central Texas, I might cry.
" Okay.
"Let's fly in the sky.
"I love you, I love you, I love you.
" What's that at the bottom? Is that the author's name, or who is that? No, you just go from "I love you, I love you, I love you.
" - And say that? - Yes.
I generally don't say a word that I don't know what it means.
It means, like, "I'm done," okay? You, you can say it.
You know I'm hip.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, booyah.
" Yeah, see.
Um "I love you, I love you, I love you.
" That would not sound right coming out of my mouth.
Well, it's a new day in the Texas hill country.
It's getting late, girls.
- Y'all gettin' ready? - Yeah.
And for the girls, that means a new job.
All right, girls.
- Y'all have a good day.
- You, too.
Work, work hard.
We always do.
Good morning.
- Hi.
- My name is Matt King.
Hi.
Paris.
I'm chief deputy at the sheriff's office in Bandera.
Hi.
Nicole.
Today, you're going to be deputies.
Loves it.
All righty.
In order to be deputies, you got to look like deputies.
There you go, Nicole and Paris.
It's so cool.
- What is this? - Don't spray that.
- Mace? - Uh, it's pepper spray.
Where's my gun? You don't get a gun on the first day.
- Where are my handcuffs? - They're right in there.
Loves it.
Okay? Let's go.
We'll take you to a room where you can change.
- We're ready.
- Ready? I want y'all to stand up.
Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
I solemnly swear.
I solemnly swear.
That I will faithfully preserve, protect, and defend.
That I will faithfully preserve, protect, and defend.
So help me, god.
So help me, god.
Okay, now before I hand you these badges, I want you to understand how serious this is, okay? This is a real job, so you need to act appropriately.
I feel I've made a big mistake.
- Okay? You guys ready? - Yeah.
We're going to go back into the jail right now.
This is your first assignment.
You're going to assist with the serving lunch to the inmates.
I don't want you to engage in conversation with 'em.
Don't drop anything.
These guys are in there for a variety of different reasons.
- Felonies? - Yes.
Loves it.
- It stinks.
- It's a jail.
- Ready? - Lunch is ready.
Thank you.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Get your silly cups out.
- How's your guys' day.
- Pretty good.
It's better now.
Do you guys have barbecue chicken for him? Do you have canadian bacon pizza? Sorry.
Can I ask you a question? I haven't eaten all day.
Can I have a bite of it? Thanks, gorgeous.
It's not very good.
Hello? There you go.
How's your day going? The weather's not that great outside, so you're not missing much.
You guys are living in a bigger space than we are.
Well, you seem like you're in a good place.
What are when do you get out? Uh, I don't know yet.
I wasn't sure Well, if you get out tonight, you can come hang out with us.
This is fun.
- How'd it go? - Gorgeous.
- Everybody get fed? - Yeah.
One of the guys is allergic to peaches and he didn't get to eat fruit, so I felt bad.
He doesn't live that far from here.
So, how do you, how do you know all about these people when I - He lives, like - .
.
wait, wait, wait, when I told you not to talk to 'em and, uh, you know their life history now? What we're going to have you do next is go down and write parking tickets.
I'm going to give you all the details on the vehicle.
First thing you're going to do is not touch all the switches.
Hey, yeah.
That's funny.
All right, turn it off.
Can you guys hear me? H ey.
Do not talk on the radio like that.
I'm tired of explaining, all right? This is not a joke.
Now, you said you could take it seriously.
Are you gonna? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
All right.
Hello? Everyone needs to pull over.
Nicole! Who parks like this? Violation.
- Paw prints on car.
- Yeah.
Paw prints on car, and ass is sticking out.
Now we're real cops.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
What are you doing with open alcohol in the street? Uh-oh.
What are you gentlemen doing? Nothing, officer.
All right, well, then you just have to chug those right now.
Be a man.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Nice doing business with you.
Bye.
Let's go get some ice cream across the street.
We don't have any money.
We're cops-- they have to give it to us.
Can I have a root beer float, please? - Do you have sherbet? - Yes, we do.
I love the pink gun.
No, you got to pull the trigger-- there you go.
- We should go back to work.
- That's hot.
Pull over (bleep).
Pull over, I said! Now get out and shake what your mama gave you.
Put your hands up, sir.
Turn around, please.
Grab your tush cheeks, please.
Scream, "I love it!" Pull over, ma'am.
Please step out of the car, ma'am.
I'd like to know what I did.
Please put your hands up.
- Do you have any weapons? - Does it look like it? What's your name? What's up? Whassup? Put 'em up.
All right, this has gotten out of hand.
You guys go on back to your car.
Sir, I'm sorry about this.
Let's get back in the car and go back to the office.
Wax 'em.
We've gotten so many complaints.
All right, y'all have a good day.
I'm sorry about all that.
Hello, sheriff's department.
Well, it was very interesting.
I don't think you're cut out to be deputy sheriffs, though.
So, uh, I'll need to get your badges back from you and your gun belts.
Now, you did help out-- you fed the prisoners and you wrote tickets, so I'm gonna pay you for a day's work.
Um, my phone hasn't rang so much in I can't remember when.
- Did people love it? - Uh, I don't think so.
I hope I still have a job.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Another day of justice served.
That's hot.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mr.
Click is taking the girls' advice on romance.
The night's just right for love.
Hey, there.
Surprise.
- Well, look at you.
- Welcome.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Look at you.
- How was your day? - What is this? Well, got a little surprise for you.
Why don't you, uh come on in.
There you go.
Did you have a rough day? Somebody has had a hand in this.
Well, I did get a little encouragement from those young ladies.
That's sweet.
- Here's to you.
- I'm flattered.
- May we have many more.
- I'm flattered.
Thanks, Bob.
I feel real strongly about, uh, our relationship, and, uh, there is a poem basically trying to express, you know, my feelings for you and, uh, it goes something like this.
I love my Gayle, and if that's a crime, I will go to jail.
I don't care the price of bail, 'cause she makes my heart sail.
Sail like a naval boat.
I'll keep you warm like an oilskin coat.
Without you, I'm a lost little goat.
I'm so in love, I could I could cry.
Probably won't, but I could.
Without you, I would die.
I love you.
I love you.
I do love you.
Boo-yah.
I think Gayle might get lucky this evening.
There they are.
- Ooh - Oh, boy.
Are we interrupting anything? Welcome home.
That's so cute.
You look handsome.
- This was wonderful.
- Yeah, y'all did Very thoughtful.
Oh, my god, the candles.
Appreciate it.
- You listened.
- Yeah, I did.
The picture.
Hey! That's hot.
- You read the poem? - I did.
Did you close it with the "boo-yah"? - Well, what do you think? - Gorgeous.
- Okay, is this it, girls? - Yes.
All right.
Y'all be safe going home.
Thank you.
Or wherever your next travels are.
Thank you so much.
Paris, we enjoyed having y'all.
I think I would've almost liked to have seen them stay another couple of days.
Oh, and by the way Uh-oh.
Yes, ma'am? Just in case you guys want to spice it up a little bit.
Oh, boy, I hate to think what Miss Hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks - Uh - Do you love it? No doubt about it, I love it.
Sorry.
Eh, right to the very end.
Roller skates on a social butterfly, well That was hot.
And now, next on the season finale of The Simple Life.
So mean.
It's a sign of ownership.
It's a necessity.
Every rancher does it.
Look how cute Bill is.
Freckle puss.
What are you gonna do with them? We're gonna go to slaughter.
What?! They're gonna kill Bill.
We're going home.
I can't believe we did it.
We ran out of gas!