The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s02e09 Episode Script

Books & Birdhouses

Oh, hi, guys.
How was the first day of the new semester? Wood shop is going great.
Mr.
woodburn loves me.
He's letting me work with mahogany.
[Clicks tongue.]
Excuse me, did you just say a teacher loves you? Yeah, I know.
Threw me for a loop, too.
Cody, how was your new math class? You mean advanced calculus, covering functions, limits, convergents, sequences, and multivariables? Yeah, that one.
They canceled it.
I was the only one who showed up.
I heard about that.
Even the teacher didn't show up.
Cody, you might wanna take a little less-challenging course for your elective.
Have some fun.
You want me to take an easy class, like wood shop? What makes you think wood shop is easy? Hello.
You're taking it.
Come on, how hard can it be to make a stupid box? It's not a stupid box.
It's got automatic drawers.
What, no dancing girls? Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life There.
I'm doing my short story for English class.
Wanna hear it? No.
I'm playing solitaire.
Ok.
It's about a starving slovak peasant in the 15th century.
"Svetlana watched the aurora borealis "paint the night sky bloody, "then lay down on her thread-bare blanket and gently froze to death.
" That's fantastic.
You really liked it? No, I won, and the little cards are dancing.
Well, let's hear some of your story.
Ok, it's about ivana.
"I am a dog who lives in a hotel.
" Yes? That's it.
That's all you wrote? Hello.
Short story.
Duh.
But you didn't tell us her name or who you are or what you do together.
And you also misspelled "dog.
" I'm sunk.
This assignment's due tomorrow, and it took me forever to write that sentence.
That's a shame, because a little dog living in a hotel is a good idea.
That's the only kind I have.
In fact, it can make a great children's story.
My name is ivana, I live at the tipton, it's a very special hotel Uh-huh.
There's maddie and moseby, there's Zack, and there's Cody and London, who loves me so well.
Oh, what a great story.
How can you make it up on the spot? Is there a name for that? Intelligence? And that's how the screwdriver got its name.
When you need to drive a screw, you use a Screwdriver.
Could this class be any easier? Shh, I'm trying to take notes.
Maybe you should take notes.
It's just wood shop.
You think wood shop is easy, is that it, son? Well, uh Do you know your woods? Mahogany? Walnut? Oak? Maple? Well, no, but-- rosewood? Teak? Pine? Hemlock? Fur? Spruce, ash, birch, elm? Poplar, Spanish cedar? Douglas fir? Cottonwood? Balsa? Cherry? This is all news to you, isn't it, fella? Oh, Nelson.
Yolanda.
The copying machine is jammed.
Oh.
I can fix that.
[Giggles.]
Zack, watch the class.
All right, people, back to your projects, and remember-- never chisel towards yourself.
What are you doing? Getting ready to drill a hole.
Here in wood shop, we tuck in our shirts before we use tools.
But this shirt is 100% linen.
If I tuck it in, then take it out, it'll be wrinkled.
There's a 100% chance you'll be wrinkled when you get sucked into a sander.
These safety rules were made for your own protection.
Oh, yeah? And who came up with them? Ok, well, forget the drill.
I'll just put the screw in without it.
See? This one's got a sharpy, pointy end.
If you don't drill a hole, you'll split the wood.
No, I won't.
OohYou split the wood.
You wasted a perfectly good piece of wood.
Do you think wood grows on trees? You're getting a demerit, young man.
He's very strict.
Yesterday, he made me do push-ups for sanding against the grain.
But I've never gotten a demerit in my life.
Then this is a very special moment.
I'm glad I was here to share it with you.
[Sing-song.]
I got an "a," "a," a.
" I got an "a.
" Gimme an "a.
" What does that spell? It spells "a.
" Hey, hey, hey.
London, you've been singing i got an "a" for 5 hours.
When are you going to stop? When it starts to get on people's nerves.
That was 4 hours and 59 minutes ago.
You're just grumpy because your short story got a "b.
" You got a "b," you got a "b" That's because sister Dominick failed to see my symbolism, my clever use of metaphor and irony.
I don't know what you just said, but You got a "b," you got a "b" And I got an "a.
" "a," "a," "a" Wait a minute.
"My name is ivana.
I live at the tipton.
It's a very special hotel"? I wrote this.
No.
You spoke it, but I wrote it.
Writing it down doesn't make you the author.
I know, but getting an "a" does.
"A" me.
[Chuckles.]
Come here.
London The entire tipton staff and I would like to extend our sincerest congratulations regarding your academic miracle.
Thank you.
Your father will be most pleased to hear about your "a.
" I wouldn't be surprised if he sent you a lavish gift.
And if I know daddy, it'll be something that starts with an "a.
" Could be.
[Gasps.]
Like a yacht.
So, why don't we put your paper on display at the check-in desk? Love it.
All right.
I could tell moseby where your story came from.
So you helped me a little.
Big deal.
It's the only "a" I've ever gotten.
It'd be awfully mean if you'd take it away.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm not exactly what you'd call "smart.
" Ok, I won't say anything, as long as the next "a" is one you get on your own.
Deal.
And you promise not to tell? Yes, I promise I won't tell.
Or may the evil Fitzpatrick leprechaun steal me away in the night.
You believe in evil leprechauns? They're not all nice, you know.
Hey, guys.
Mom, Zack gave me a demerit in wood shop because he's jealous of my perfect 4.
0 grade average.
Did not.
He's jealous because there's something in school I'm better at.
Not true.
So true.
Not true.
Nice to see you guys, too.
My day was fine, thanks.
A foot rub? I'd love one.
Mom, this is serious.
I'll never keep my perfect average.
I'm doomed.
Relax, Cody.
You're putting too much pressure on yourself.
Unh-unh.
I'm not putting too much pressure on me.
Harvard is.
Yale is.
Princeton, mit, Stanford.
Do you think they're looking for underachievers? If I don't ace wood, I'll wind up one of those guys who sells hotdogs and sleeps in a taxi.
Hey, how much does that pay? Look what daddy sent me for getting an "a" on my short story.
A solid-gold pen.
Well, it was a job well done.
Oh London, I must admit, I didn't know you had it in you.
Maybe she had it right beside her.
You know, my next story is about a girl who breaks her promise and is taken away by evil leprechauns.
London.
Oh, there you are.
Sister Dominick.
I've got great news for you.
My sister is in desktop publishing.
She absolutely adores your little-dog story.
She wants to publish it as a children's book.
What? What? She says that ivana lives in a hotel will be out next month and will sell millions.
Yay me! Yay you.
Lousy leprechauns.
I must say, we are very impressed with your college application.
I think our college would be lucky to have someone with your oh What's that? What's what? It says you received a "b" in middle-school wood shop.
I can explain that.
Oh, did a meteorite hit your school? No.
Then you have no excuse, do you? I was under a lot of pressure, and my brother gave me a demerit, and I could finish-- you cracked, is that it? You folded and wound up with a "b.
" Listen up, sparky, we here at big, snooty Ivy-league college do not take people who got a "b.
" But it was only wood shop.
Oh, don't worry.
We have a position for you at our school.
You do? No, no, no-o-o-o! No, no, no.
No.
Cody, wake up.
Oh, man, I just had the worst nightmare.
We were taking wood shop, and you were the star pupil, and I was the one failing.
Oh, the whole thing was totally unbelievable.
Ok.
It's ok.
All right.
Just a dream.
It's all true, and our final's this afternoon.
No-o-o-o-o-o! Yes-s-s-s-s! Get dressed.
Thank you.
All right, everyone, we're going to give our book-signer a little break, hmm, and then continue with the book reading in the lounge.
Wow, being a famous author is more work than I thought.
Oh, yeah, must be tough signing books, getting praise, forgetting to mention you stole everything from me.
Maddie, I'm beginning to think you're jealous.
I'm not jealous.
I'm furious.
You're getting money, awards, and fame for something that I wrote.
Based on my idea, my dog, my hotel.
My words.
What's going on here? Maddie's jealous because I'm a bestselling author on top of being rich and beautiful.
Oh, maddie.
Maddie, maddie, maddie.
Is it so hard for you to make your heart an open place? No.
It's just that-- envy isn't pretty, dear.
In fact, it's one of the 7 deadly sins.
So is stealing.
Sister, I think London has something to tell you about her book.
You do? What is it? Well, sister Dominick, you should know yes When they make my book into a movie, I want Britney Spears to play me.
Oh, I love her.
She's such a talented actress.
Ok, everybody, this is your wood-shop final.
Grade you get on this project today counts for 1/3 of your final grade.
[Whimpers.]
Would you relax? You're going to do fine.
No, he won't.
He's hopeless.
Not helping.
Not lying.
[Groans.]
So there are no misunderstandings, let's go over the rules.
You are to make something out of wood.
You have one hour.
You may begin.
Oh, Nelson.
Uh, yolanda.
The copying machine Needs toner? Yes.
I tried to fix it, but-- say no more.
Remember, I can fix anything? [Giggles.]
Ahem, carry on.
And remember, wood.
Hey, Bob Oh, hey! Watch it.
If I get a splinter back there, I'll never get it out.
Sorry.
[Sanding/hammering/drilling.]
When my sister asked London to do this book signing, she couldn't say yes fast enough.
London simply loves people.
Especially people who bring cameras.
Right.
Now you sit right over here.
There you go.
And you sit-- oh, no, no, no.
Don't out gum on my sock.
That's a bad thing.
When's this reading gonna start? I've got finger painting at 4:00.
Hello, young readers.
Remember, reading makes you smarterer.
"My name is ivana.
I live at the tipton.
It's a very special hotel.
" I have a dog, too.
Excuse me.
London's talking.
"There's maddie and moseby.
There's Zack and Cody.
And London, who loves me so well.
" I like this book.
Me, too.
Yeah, London, was it hard to write it? Uh, I just listened to the voice inside my head.
I thought the q and a was after 3:00.
So did I.
So put a sock in it, maddie.
"One day, it was dark.
I got lost in the park.
I couldn't find my way home.
" Hallelujah, hallelujah Halle-- Bless you for calling.
Yes.
What? Oh.
Oh! Are you-- I was just trying I've got great news.
My sister just sold the film rights to your book for 100,000 smackeroonies.
Yay me.
Kids: Yay, London.
I think Britney Spears should play you in the movie.
She's really talented.
That's it.
I don't care if the evil leprechauns do come for me.
I wrote this book.
[All gasp.]
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for the author of ivana lives in a hotel.
Both: That's me.
The author of that book is being sued for a $1 million by heartstrings press.
Both: She wrote it.
Well, whoever wrote it plagiarized their book the little puppy who lives in a hotel.
Oh, my mother used to read that book to me.
My name is rover.
I live at the Dover.
It's a very special hotel.
Ehh.
That's it, exactly.
I must've remembered it subconsciously.
Aha! So you admit you wrote it.
I just said it.
You wrote it down.
Who's richer? All: London.
This stinks.
Let's blow this popsicle stand.
Now, London, is this true? The story that I put up on the board is not yours? Well, not completely.
I just wanted you to be proud of me.
I've always been proud of you, London.
Except for now.
I'm sorry, moseby.
I'm sorry, maddie.
I'm sorry, sister.
It's not entirely your fault, my dear.
Madeline shouldn't have tempted you.
Yeah, but-- shh.
You can work it out tomorrow while you're in detention.
That is cruel and unusual punishment.
No, dear.
Reading your Svetlana story was.
"Gently froze to death.
" Gimme a break.
[Sanding/hammering/sawing.]
So, Cody, how are you doing with your paperWeight? It's not a paperweight.
It's It was supposed to be a birdhouse.
Yeah, I can see that.
It's got different levels to it.
It's It's kind of like a bird condo.
You put the tennis court on top, I'd move in.
Thanks for trying to make me feel better, guys.
But I'm getting an "f," and we all know it.
Hey, I get "f"s all the time.
It's no big deal.
But I've never gotten one.
I don't wanna start now.
What are you doing? Like I said, I get "f"s all the time.
It's not big deal.
But this is-- you can't do that.
Sure, I can.
I don't mind getting another bad grade and getting an "a" means everything to you.
Time's up.
Everybody, put your wood down.
Ok, let's see what we got here.
Cody, this clock is amazing.
I didn't know you had it in ya.
Yeah, neither did I.
And now I can't wait to see what wooden masterpiece my star pupil has created.
Is that a wheelbarrow? Sure.
I'm afraid I can only give ya a "c.
" Well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
It's a shame you picked today to choke.
I was gonna recommend you for advance-placement wood shop.
Whatever.
I can't take this.
I didn't make this clock.
Zack made it, and I made that.
The wheelbarrow? Actually, it was supposed to be a birdhouse.
If it's a birdhouse, it gets an "f.
" If it's a wheelbarrow, it's a "c.
" It's a wheelbarrow.
Hey, guys, how was the wood-shop final? Great.
I got an "a.
" Oh, my gosh, that's great.
That is gorgeous.
I got a "c.
" Oh, honey, it's ok.
I'll make you cookies.
Hey, why don't you bake me cookies when I get a "c.
"? There's not enough dough in the world.
Well, it's true.
Cody, I know it must hard for you getting a "c.
" Mom, I think I'm going to be ok.
You are? Sure.
I got a "c," and the sky didn't fall, the earth didn't stop spinning, and I found out I can take wood shop pass/fail.
Well, the best part is I have this gorgeous clock and this lovely wheelbarrow.
It's a birdhouse.
That's what I said.

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