Trial & Error (2016) s02e09 Episode Script

1 I always knew that the best way to prove my client, Jesse Ray Beaumont, didn't kill Chet Peck, was to prove Lavinia did.
Problem was, she had an alibi a stamped passport saying she left East Peck for Spain Saturday, November 15, 2008 The day before Chet died.
But it turns out, there was no Saturday that November, 'cause Mickey Moose didn't see his breath - See your breath! - which means she must have had Forge Clooney doctor her passport, and none of this makes sense unless you live here, but I finally have something to pin on her.
DWAYNE: Josh! Outside door's locked again! You got to pull, Dwayne! Also, Dwayne thought he was a Peck.
Be smarter.
Wear this with pride.
Like a Peck.
Josh! Inside door's locked again! You got to push, Dwayne.
He is definitely 100% Reed.
I overthought it again.
Lovely.
CAROL ANNE: I just received some very good news.
My veterinary gynecologist gave me the go-ahead to continue with the case providing I don't overexert myself.
So I would just avoid long hikes and be careful when you jump off the bed.
Thank you, Doctor.
- Mm.
- Ah! - Good girl.
- That's right.
Oh, somebody likes it.
We are getting very close to nailing Lavinia.
But as we corner her, she's going to get more aggressive, so we have to keep our eyes open.
Oh! Good morning.
Sorry I'm late.
I have something called blepharospasm where I can't open my eyes for extended periods of time.
Thankfully most of my job is routine, so it doesn't really affect anything.
[SIGHS.]
What'd I miss? CAROL ANNE: Ooh.
My little girl is a fighter.
[LAUGHS.]
Just like her mama.
She wants to get outside and see what the fuss is all about.
However, we are not quite ready for her just yet.
So, in order to keep her within the safe confines of my womb, I will be making some subtle, hopefully imperceptible changes in how I present my case in court.
[GROANS.]
The People would like to submit into evidence a horrifying picture of the victim and the defendant.
- Do you want - No, I've got it.
[GRUNTING.]
[SPECTATORS MURMUR.]
It's okay.
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! I got it.
- I had it myself.
- Yep.
I had it.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I warn the jury, what you're about to see is pure, cheap filth! [SPECTATORS GASPS.]
Take that down! I don't want to see my brother that way! Objection.
All this proves is that my client was friends with the victim.
Then I would like to submit into evidence this next photo.
Don't worry.
It's far less offensive.
- [SPECTATORS MURMUR.]
- Yeah, that's much better.
Look at that Peck neck.
Like a red-breasted merganser.
Objection.
Relevance.
There's nothing linking my client to this photo.
Compare the ligature marks on the victim's neck [SPECTATORS GASP.]
[GAGS.]
Apologies.
to the pattern on the defendant's braided belt.
Objection! That is a rope I just happened to use as a belt.
[LAUGHS.]
JOSH: I don't want to say defending Jesse Ray is impossible.
Because that's not strong enough of a word.
Thankfully, Anne and Dwayne are currently bringing in our star witness Forge Clooney, the one person who can prove Lavinia was in the country when her brother Chet died.
Forge?! Forge?! I don't see him.
Me, neither.
Holy [BLEEP.]
What? Forge is dead! [GASPS.]
Holy [BLEEP.]
JOSH: Okay.
So, Forge Clooney, our only witness, was found frozen to death.
The freezer was locked from the outside.
Now, my gut instinct said, "suicide.
" Well, we already know it was a cold case.
Oh! What the [BLEEP.]
People were weirded out by my eyes being shut, so I had my daughter paint eyes so it wouldn't draw attention.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES.]
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! What?! Where?! This is a day that every reporter dreads.
[VOICE BREAKS.]
Mic Mickey Moose has been found dead in his paddock.
[GROANS.]
He is survived by a cow and two cats.
Oh, God! He was my hero! Guys? - Oh, God! - Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Human beings are dying.
This was a moose.
Maybe we should get some perspective.
Oh [BLEEP.]
you, Josh.
Oh! ["AMERICA, THE BEAUTIFUL" PLAYS.]
MAN: Lady driver! Lady driver! Lady driver! Coming through! [CRYING.]
Lady driver! Coming through! Lady driver! Lady driver! Coming through! Lady driver! Coming through! [SONG STOPS.]
He was more than just a moose.
He was the symbol of this town.
- Amen! - Besides the owl, cannonball, and the lake filled with paint.
Of course, the crushing unemployment problem.
I know what you did.
And I'm going to get you.
Oh, Lawyer.
What do you think I did? Went to Forge Clooney's and ordered the lemon sherbert knowing it would be in the back of the freezer 'cause it's a [BLEEP.]
flavor? And then when he went inside to get it, what did I do? Locked him inside, ate my free fro-yo and watched him, what? Slowly freeze to death? Then I suppose I went to that snitch Sir Mickey's paddock with a bushel of fresh plant shoots dipped in what? Cyanide? Waiting for death's sweet grip to take him as I finished my second fro-yo that I was saving for when? Later? Is that what you think happened? Please.
I wish my uterus was as fertile as your imagination.
[WHISPERS.]
I was just talking about killing Chet! You are a psychopath! And now, to sing Mickey's song one last time, the light of all of our lives, Lavinia Peck-Foster.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Oh Oh, yeah There was a moose We all loved And Mickey was his name, oh M-I-See your breath K-E-Why not try? M-O-O-S-E is the reason we have Saturdays Oh, Mickey Moose, we love you Oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, yeah [RHYTHMIC CLAPPING.]
[CLAPPING STOPS.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
With all due respect, this regional day of mourning could not have come at a better time for my team.
We're taking this moment to relax and rejuvenate.
The, uh, job posting online said, "hands on legal experience.
" So I'm gonna sue my school.
Here's what we know.
One our former client is not only a murderer, she's a serial killer.
Two somehow she is onto us and she is killing our witnesses.
Three Dave the taxidermist picked the worst possible day to take a vacation.
Also, you have a booger.
Thank you, Dwayne.
- Are we gonna get killed, too, Josh? - No.
I mean, maybe.
Probably not.
Right now, Lavinia's only killing witnesses.
- Phew.
- I didn't see [BLEEP.]
But we need to get her off the streets before she kills anyone else.
And we start by proving Jesse Ray didn't murder Chet.
But these ligature marks on Chet's neck are not helping.
Anyone could've made those marks.
Hell, he could've done it himself.
Chet liked pain.
Tattoos, piercings.
In fact, we met at Bite Club.
What's Bite Club? Sounds amazing.
First rule of Bite Club bite the hell out of each other.
There are no other rules.
I've never seen any pictures of Chet with any tattoos or piercings or whatnot.
There was lots of whatnot.
He kept them under his shirt line.
Hey, you want to know who knows everything there is to know about Chet? Yes.
His pastor, Reverend Tats.
He runs the Inky Pecker back-alley tattoo parlor.
[BELL CHIMES.]
DWAYNE: Reverend Tats? We're investigating the murder of Chet Peck.
I only talk to customers.
I'll custom.
How about I just get my initials on my wrist? D.
N.
R.
That way, if I'm ever unconscious, the paramedics can identify me.
So, do you think La Oh [BLEEP.]
that hurts! I'm just tracing it out with a marker.
Reverend Tats, any help you can give us might save Jesse Ray's life.
[SIGHS.]
Check this out.
This was the last tattoo that Chet got.
I took a picture of it because it was so unusual.
Now, I don't whether it's a combination or a serial number, but Chet said that it was a matter of life and death.
Hold on.
Did you say he got this tattoo before or after he died? - Is he serious? - Always.
Because in this picture, he's got the rope marks Oh! [BLEEP.]
it's torture! It's rubbing alcohol, for cowssake.
Chet had the ligature marks on his neck when he was alive! Hello?! Looking for a Reverend Ta Sorry.
Wrong address.
Lavinia knew we were onto her about the passport.
She knew about Forge, and she tried to beat us to Reverend Tats.
How in the hell does she know our every move? I think we got us a mole.
I don't think one of us is a mole.
What about Anne? She can't see.
Maybe she's talking to Lavinia, thinking it's us.
Oh! You take that back, Dwayne.
Guys, we can't turn on each other.
That's exactly what a mole would say! Maybe you're talking to your girlfriend, giving her stuff for her podcast.
Hey! Nina is not my girlfriend.
Why? She She say something? What do we know about these guys? That's the camera crew, Dwayne.
They're not moles.
Funny, 'cause they've been filming every single thing we do.
Well, guess what?! Not anymore! Yeah! Oh! Try sharing our secrets now! - Dwayne.
- What? The tie pin Lavinia gave you is blinking.
Oh [BLEEP.]
a duck! I'm the mole! Turns out I was the mole.
So, in order to make it up to the team, I'm gonna figure out what caused those marks on Chet's neck.
Now, I did a little looking online and I found something called auto-erotic asphysexy-something.
I got no idea what it is, but I printed out step-by-step instructions and I will now test the theory.
So, I am a trained professional.
But as a precaution, my colleague Anne will be standing by with a knife, ready to cut the rope in the unlikely event anything should go wrong.
You good, Anne? - Good to go! - All right.
All rise! Tyler! Push me up.
Come on.
[GRUNTS.]
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING.]
[GASPS.]
Lower me.
Lower me.
Lower me, lower me.
- My forearm's cramping.
- Just do it.
- Okay.
- Are you okay? Maybe we should postpone this until after you have the baby.
Would you suggest that to a man? I would if he was crowning.
All rise! For [BLEEP.]
sake.
Tyler! Come on.
[GRUNTS.]
- You may be seated.
- Oh, my God! Jiminy Cricket! Back down, back down, back down, back down! [LAUGHS.]
Step one put rope around neck.
Step two take out wiener? What the [BLEEP.]
By the way, we found the bug on Dwayne.
That doesn't surprise me.
That's why we have the expression, "Like flies on Reed.
" - [LAUGHS.]
- Laugh all you want, but I bet Dwayne's the one who is going to bring you down.
Did it work?! DWAYNE: [COUGHING.]
I think so.
[PAINED.]
Dr.
Senior Sr.
, in your expert opinion [GASPING.]
were these ligature marks consistent with strangulation? You all tiptop? No, no, no, you look like you about to implode.
Dr.
Senior Sr.
, just answer the question.
I did not finish the first Jesse Ray case because I lost my composure.
I'll put your [BLEEP.]
teeth down your goddamn throat, Jesse Ray! I will not let that happen again.
Besides, my veterinary gynecologist told me I will know when I'm about to go into labor when my voice lowers.
Ahh That is not the sound of labor, thank you.
That is the sound of an angel [GROANS.]
[BLEEP.]
Oh [BLEEP.]
a duck! If'n they was whoopsiedoo, aynowaynohow dem craters be halfared.
The crime baysay no diggity is a dusbussin.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING.]
Any oh size this baggenag ain't a sign of stratchemoff.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING.]
See, that'd be the problem in the pudding.
Be the baggenag gonna be up in the dyin' chair.
Chet got this tattoo the day before he died.
Do you know what it might mean? Those are GPS coordinates.
Chet had this fixation with technology.
Man, I thought it bordered on obsession.
Oh! 12:12 and 12 seconds.
Good save.
GPS coordinates.
Chet was hiding something.
And I bet that it leads to Lavinia.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING.]
NINA: Oh, God.
Was that a boyfriend look? I just got out of a messy relationship.
We were sharing a Netflix password.
Totally screwed up my algorithm.
Then again, am I really gonna do better than Josh? I mean, the guy irons.
Let's do this.
Dr.
Senior Sr [VERY DEEP VOICE.]
in your expert opinion [SPECTATORS GASP.]
WOMAN: Oh, my God! Her water broke! MAN: She's having that baby right now! these ligature marks were consistent with the belt of the defendant.
You need to go to the hospital.
Objection.
Speculation.
[GROANS.]
You sound like James Earl Jones and you just turned this court into a slip 'n' slide.
Mind your own business! Tyler, clean up! - Clean it up! - Yes! - Do you want me to just - Clean it up! Now! Okay.
Okay.
This internship is for one credit.
CAROL ANNE: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what you see here Is a woman giving birth.
Please, please, please, please! Jesus Ray is guilty! Uh! Okay.
Yep.
There we go.
All right, I got you.
CAROL ANNE: Okay! Fine! Your witness![GASPING.]
No further questions! Don't throw around boyfriend looks if you're gonna leave with the girl that you might've gotten pregnant.
CAROL ANNE: Oh, God! [GROANING.]
Doing great.
- You don't - Doing great.
- Doing great.
- You don't have to be here! We don't even know if it's yours! Hey.
Hey.
I want to be here.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[DEEP VOICE.]
Now, get me some [BLEEP.]
ice chips! Okay, okay, okay, okay! Okay, let's get this puppy out! Who wants a sugar cube? Now, you ready to be a father? Yes.
Yeah.
Very much so.
I'm not sure if it's this one, but I I'm definitely ready.
Okay, Carol Anne, give me one big push.
- Okay! - Okay.
[SCREAMING.]
Hello! Josh told us he thinks that the numbers tattooed on Chet's back, under the sex rope marks, are actually GPS coordinates.
So, I will now enter the coordinates into the computer and it will compute where Oh, my God.
That's why they call it a computer.
Well, no matter what, we solved one mystery today.
Where are leading us, Chet? - Oh, no.
- What?! DWAYNE: It's Lavinia's hedge maze.
Anne, I'm scared.
Because last time you were there, we found a bunch of your dead relatives? [SCREAMS.]
There's dead bodies in the maze! And also, I don't like bushes that tell me where to go.
This is Nina Rudolph and I'm here live, for now, with Lavinia Peck-Foster, who would like to tell her side of the story.
I love you, Mom and Dad.
Everyone assumes my life is perfect.
Aside from the near-constant shadow of death that's followed me since birth.
Truth is, every afternoon when I wake and draw breath, I see it as a miracle.
Well, I think we've got it.
True joy comes from knowing there will be highs and lows, ups and downs, whether you're 4'9' or 5'3".
LAVINIA: The secret is to hold on tight to the good times and grit through the pain.
At the end of the day, life is just a journey.
If you're lucky All right, here's the spot.
you don't have to take that journey alone.
Please don't be another relative.
[SCREAMS.]
[BABY CRYING.]
[GASPS.]
LAVINIA: If you're one of the blessed few It's a girl.
you take that journey with someone you love.
And you hold them forever.
It's a girl.
It is.
And we can take comfort knowing all our journeys end in the same place a hole in the ground.
On four.
Four! [GRUNTING.]
[BOTH PANTING.]
Whoa.
You got to see this.
[CRYING.]
Did I poop the table? Yeah.
You did.
[GASPS.]
Did I just poop myself? [SNIFFS.]
Yeah.
You did.