United States of Al (2021) s02e09 Episode Script
Christmas/Krismis
1
Hmm.
I have never decorated a Christmas tree before.
Do each of these ornaments have a special meaning? Yeah, they're all free.
That one I got for opening a savings account.
That one I got for eating a 40-ounce rib eye.
That racy one I got in Vegas.
Don't turn it upside down if there's kids in the room.
Mm.
And where did the tradition of bringing a tree into the house come from? Oh, it goes way, way back.
Yeah.
My parents did it, their parents did it.
Uh, but who did it originally? Jesus? - Hey.
- Hey.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Hey, Sunshine.
Oh, sorry.
Happy holidays, Al.
Oh, you can say Merry Christmas to me.
Are you sure? I am sure.
I am the expert in what you can say to me.
Is this a little muffler? Yeah, I got that with an oil change.
Oh, hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Sure.
That's a big gift discussion happening right now.
Someone's getting a PS5.
Ah.
- What's up? - Hey, so, keep an open mind, but would you be okay if I took Hazel on Christmas Day? Oh, that's easy.
No.
Look, it would just be for a few hours.
Freddy's parents really want to do something special together.
Oh, Freddy's parents want to see her? Why didn't you just tell me? Of course I'll give up my child on Christmas so your boyfriend's parents can see her.
You could just say no.
That's what I led with.
Not assuming anything, but Game-Zone offers military discounts.
They're open till 9:00.
Hey, Riley.
What you drinking? Ginger ale? Glass of milk? Ha, ha.
So, how you doing? Eh, so-so.
Gave my number to this guy a couple weeks ago.
Thought we had a moment.
Thinking about spitting in his beer.
Well, he sounds like a jerk, a handsome jerk.
Look, I was gonna call.
Things in my life are kind of messy, I figured you wouldn't want to deal with it.
I can deal with a lot.
Back in the Navy, I was the one who had to tell 200 angry sailors when we were out of corn bread.
[CHUCKLES.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
This is Holly.
Hi, Holly, it's Riley.
I was wondering if I could buy you dinner? Riley who? Hassina, tell me what this makes you think of.
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING OVER PHONE.]
That's the song all the ice cream men play in Kabul.
Get this, it is a Christmas song here, so it is always playing.
Are you craving ice cream all the time? All the time.
Luckily, they sell ice cream in every store.
Even hardware stores have it.
Oh.
Where have you been? Date.
It's 9:00 a.
m.
Good date.
Oh, Hassina.
Salaam.
How are you? Not as good as you.
Look at that smile.
Yeah, I went on a date with Holly.
Holly the alcohol seller? Yep.
Bro, she's got a Harley.
We rode all over the city.
I've never sat in back before.
I thought it would be emasculating, but it gave me more time to look around.
I'm happy for you, Riley.
Don't forget to invite me to your wedding.
Okay, bye, Hassina.
Oh, my gosh, dude, we had so much fun.
She's got throwing knives.
Throwing knives.
And we were naked.
That's not necessary for the story, I'm just painting a picture.
So, uh, what about Vanessa? All you've been talking about is trying to get her back.
Maybe I'm wasting my time.
I did everything she asked me to do.
I got a therapist, applied for disability.
What's it get me? She's going to Freddy's parents' for Christmas.
She might be testing you.
Who cares if she is? Holly likes me the way I am now.
She likes me a lot.
In fact, this morning she Do not paint a picture.
In the Christmas movies, people come to your house and sing at you.
Yeah, it's a seasonal form of torture called caroling.
Will people be doing it here? Not if Dad's sprinklers still work.
[CHUCKLES.]
They do.
Checked them this morning.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Hello? - Hey, in here! You're not supposed to eat raw eggs, but I've had half this bowl and I feel fine.
Huh.
Hello, Merry Christmas.
- Hello, Lois.
- How are you? Happy holidays, Al.
You're right, it happens a lot.
Merry Christmas, Lois.
What you got there? It's your Christmas present.
I can put it under the tree or you can open it right now and wear it to your Christmas party.
So I guess it's not the socket wrenches I asked for.
Oh, holy moly.
It's so soft.
Al, feel this.
In Afghanistan, we have the softest Oh, wow.
If you don't like it, I can take it back.
You better not.
Ah, you look great.
He does, doesn't he? It fits him so well.
Where'd you get it? Brunello Cucinelli.
I never say this unless I'm holding a gigantic fish, but take my picture.
So, you let a naked woman throw a knife at you? Let her? Doc, I dared her.
You want to know what I think? You just described my job.
I think the reason Vanessa and I are always butting heads is because she wasn't in the service.
Holly's been deployed, she gets me.
Like you.
So now I'm wondering, if I had been with Holly all this time, would I be having all these problems? You know there's a difference between the start of a relationship and the end of one.
Yeah, but I don't have to explain every little thing to her.
She's been through it.
Like, it's so hot she's been to Okinawa.
So have I.
Don't wreck it.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, what do we do when I have a breakthrough? Go out for beers? Fire up stogies? You had a date.
Let's not get carried away.
But you can't talk about cigars and not have one.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you want for Christmas, Dad? Just to spend time with you, baby.
Great, crossing you off my list.
Hey, uh how would you feel if I brought a friend to Grampy's Christmas party? A friend, huh? Yes.
A friend.
Is it a girlfriend? Maybe.
Say it.
Say "girlfriend.
" I won't bring her if it's weird for you.
No, you can bring her.
Mom has Freddy.
You can bring someone.
Thanks.
I think you'll like her.
Mind if I bring my boyfriend? What? Too easy.
Might not want to stand there.
Why not? Mistletoe.
That sad little bush? If you're under it with another person, you're supposed to kiss.
Ah, sort of like when the camera turns on you at a baseball game.
No, it's Actually, yeah.
Well, thank you for warning me.
[WHISTLES.]
- We're here.
- Oh, hi.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Merry Christmas.
Glad you guys could make it.
We wouldn't miss it.
That is one nice sweater.
- Thank you.
- May I? I insist.
Oh, yeah.
Right? Oof.
The craftsmanship is extraordinary, and I say that as an experienced yarn worker.
Yep, Freddy made this one for me.
Isn't it great? So colorful.
All I see are my mistakes.
There she is.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey.
[GRUNTS.]
This is my friend I was telling you about.
Hi, Hazel.
I'm Holly.
- I like your Chucks.
- Oh, thanks.
I like your shoes.
Are they uncomfortable? You have no idea.
Looks like it.
I'm gonna go do a lap.
She's cool.
Told you.
So, uh, who's that? Who, Holly? That's Holly.
And how do we know Holly? She works at the VFW bar.
Yeah, she and Riley have been hanging out for a week or so.
And he's bringing her to Christmas? Uh, let me check.
Yes.
Here you go.
And one for you.
And you don't drink, but everybody loves magic.
What?! Is it weird for you to see them do that? No.
[CHUCKLES.]
'Cause it's weird for me to watch you watch them.
What are those, Dad? We ran out of pigs.
They're just getting blankets.
Hey, Art, where would I find ice? Oh, come on, Holly.
You're a guest.
Enjoy the party.
- It's in the garage freezer.
- Copy that.
Good sweater, Dad.
I know, right? Ooh, looking good.
I'm gonna get, like, seven more of these.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't think so.
Why not? Does the name "Brunello Cucinelli" mean anything to you? Was he in The Godfather? He's a designer, and he makes very expensive sweaters.
How expensive? If the house catches fire, save the sweater, then come back for Riley.
I know what you're thinking.
You didn't know my bedroom was gonna be this sexy.
I'm wondering whose ribbon rack you stole.
There is no way you earned all that chest candy.
You still have no idea how impressive I am.
Oh, you hide it well.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm bored.
- Me, too.
- You are? - You want to shoot some hoops? - Really? As long as you're okay with getting schooled.
In those shoes? I don't think so.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Riley, some people are saying they want to go caroling.
Who? Just people.
With songs in their heart.
We don't want to disappoint the people.
Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Okay, I'll let everyone know you're on board.
You're kidding, right? Bringing some random girl to Christmas? She's not random, and I don't know what your problem is.
Uh, my problem is that you're doing it right in front of our daughter.
I talked to her about it.
She's cool.
Besides, you brought Freddy.
Great party, man.
Thanks for having us.
Thank you, Freddy.
I'm glad you both could make it.
You think it's a good idea for me to do my magic trick? No.
It's just that Mrs.
Foster is going to early Mass, so No, Freddy.
Stop smiling.
[LAUGHING.]
: I can't.
Al says you want to go caroling? I did not say that.
Okay, that makes more sense.
Where's your sweater? I didn't want anyone spilling anything on it.
Oh, come on.
If you're not gonna wear it for Christmas, - when are you gonna wear it? - I'll find a time.
You know, if you don't like it, you can just tell me.
I love it.
It's just, do you know how much that thing costs? Don't worry about it.
How can I not worry about it? I drive three towns over for the cheap gas.
If it's not your thing, it's not your thing.
It's not.
I mean, what kind of person wears a sweater that costs so much? - I do.
- Seriously? What if it shrinks in the dryer? What happens if you get moths? After you die, does your family fight over it, or do you bury yourself in it like King Tut? Are you done? I'm not trying to offend you, but come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I am offended.
And you don't put it in the dryer.
Mmm.
You know, Riley's just doing this to get a rise out of me.
[LAUGHS.]
Take it easy on the punch.
It's making you talk.
This is his father's party, and he's ruining it.
He's ruining his father's party.
Does anyone feel like caroling? I hear it's fun.
You know, not to mention, he's using that poor girl.
I'm gonna go set him straight.
- Don't.
- What? Knock it off.
You're embarrassing me.
I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.
Are you kidding? You've been throwing a fit since we got here 'cause, what, your ex has a date? I thought you were here with me.
I am.
Just sit down.
Thank your dad for the nice party.
Hmm.
Maybe I will just go caroling by myself.
What the hell is wrong with everyone? Vanessa, I love you, but the only reason you're angry is because Riley's happy.
Leave him alone.
[HUMMING "JINGLE BELLS".]
Uh, Mr.
Art, you're not wearing your beautiful sweater.
It's in my bedroom under the Picasso.
Okay.
Where's Lois? I don't know.
Probably out buying me a yacht.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- Salaam, Hassina Jaan.
- HASSINA: Salaam.
How's the Christmas? Oh, it is wonderful and magical, and It is crazy.
Everyone is fighting.
So, it's not like in the movies? No, except for maybe Die Hard.
So how long have you and my dad been friends? We've been friends for a couple of years, and "friends" for about a week.
- Oh.
- Hey! We out here playing basketball or Barbies? Okay, I see you.
So, what's the plan with you guys? Man, you really drive to the basket, don't you? I'm just trying to figure out whether it's worth learning your last name.
Beat me to 11, maybe I'll tell you.
Come on.
Come on.
Hey.
Hey.
Your party's going great.
I mean, it's usually not the host who leaves early, but I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a simple guy.
With a lot of opinions.
It's just who I am, and I'm too old to change.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't mind that you have money.
Y-You obviously do.
But I earned it, and I want to spend it on things that make me happy, which was you until two hours ago.
So, what do we do? Well, first, you apologize for being rude.
- I think I did that.
- You did not.
I am so sorry.
And you don't get to make me feel bad for the choices I make.
So, you want me to get my head around the fact that you're rich and sexy and generous? I'll give it a shot.
You're very brave.
And next year, I'll give you those socket wrenches.
Next year? I like the sound of that.
Want to stick around for the after-party? You gonna wear the sweater? That's all I'm gonna wear.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey.
What are you doing in here? I drank too much.
Where's your girlfriend? She went home.
Where's your boyfriend? He went home.
Everyone's pissed at me.
What did I do? [SIGHS.]
Well you are half in the bag and were rude to everyone at the party.
Kind of stole my move there.
I put up with so much from you.
You were a mess for years, and you cheated on me.
You refused to get help.
I'm so mad.
[SIGHS.]
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I really am, and I'm working on it.
If you get better, and then she gets you, how is that fair? Where is that coming from? I don't know.
Are you saying you want to give us another chance? I don't know.
Oh, God.
I hate being the messy one.
Look, what if you're better with Freddy, and I'm better with someone else? Can you just leave me alone? I'll get you some water, some coffee and a bucket.
Maybe not in that order.
[PLAYS NOTE ON PITCH PIPE.]
Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa-la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la La, la 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la - Do you think they can hear us? - Don we now our - Go! - [SCREAMING.]
- Go! Go! - [SCREAMING.]
And Merry Christmas, you son of a b
I have never decorated a Christmas tree before.
Do each of these ornaments have a special meaning? Yeah, they're all free.
That one I got for opening a savings account.
That one I got for eating a 40-ounce rib eye.
That racy one I got in Vegas.
Don't turn it upside down if there's kids in the room.
Mm.
And where did the tradition of bringing a tree into the house come from? Oh, it goes way, way back.
Yeah.
My parents did it, their parents did it.
Uh, but who did it originally? Jesus? - Hey.
- Hey.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Hey, Sunshine.
Oh, sorry.
Happy holidays, Al.
Oh, you can say Merry Christmas to me.
Are you sure? I am sure.
I am the expert in what you can say to me.
Is this a little muffler? Yeah, I got that with an oil change.
Oh, hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Sure.
That's a big gift discussion happening right now.
Someone's getting a PS5.
Ah.
- What's up? - Hey, so, keep an open mind, but would you be okay if I took Hazel on Christmas Day? Oh, that's easy.
No.
Look, it would just be for a few hours.
Freddy's parents really want to do something special together.
Oh, Freddy's parents want to see her? Why didn't you just tell me? Of course I'll give up my child on Christmas so your boyfriend's parents can see her.
You could just say no.
That's what I led with.
Not assuming anything, but Game-Zone offers military discounts.
They're open till 9:00.
Hey, Riley.
What you drinking? Ginger ale? Glass of milk? Ha, ha.
So, how you doing? Eh, so-so.
Gave my number to this guy a couple weeks ago.
Thought we had a moment.
Thinking about spitting in his beer.
Well, he sounds like a jerk, a handsome jerk.
Look, I was gonna call.
Things in my life are kind of messy, I figured you wouldn't want to deal with it.
I can deal with a lot.
Back in the Navy, I was the one who had to tell 200 angry sailors when we were out of corn bread.
[CHUCKLES.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
This is Holly.
Hi, Holly, it's Riley.
I was wondering if I could buy you dinner? Riley who? Hassina, tell me what this makes you think of.
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING OVER PHONE.]
That's the song all the ice cream men play in Kabul.
Get this, it is a Christmas song here, so it is always playing.
Are you craving ice cream all the time? All the time.
Luckily, they sell ice cream in every store.
Even hardware stores have it.
Oh.
Where have you been? Date.
It's 9:00 a.
m.
Good date.
Oh, Hassina.
Salaam.
How are you? Not as good as you.
Look at that smile.
Yeah, I went on a date with Holly.
Holly the alcohol seller? Yep.
Bro, she's got a Harley.
We rode all over the city.
I've never sat in back before.
I thought it would be emasculating, but it gave me more time to look around.
I'm happy for you, Riley.
Don't forget to invite me to your wedding.
Okay, bye, Hassina.
Oh, my gosh, dude, we had so much fun.
She's got throwing knives.
Throwing knives.
And we were naked.
That's not necessary for the story, I'm just painting a picture.
So, uh, what about Vanessa? All you've been talking about is trying to get her back.
Maybe I'm wasting my time.
I did everything she asked me to do.
I got a therapist, applied for disability.
What's it get me? She's going to Freddy's parents' for Christmas.
She might be testing you.
Who cares if she is? Holly likes me the way I am now.
She likes me a lot.
In fact, this morning she Do not paint a picture.
In the Christmas movies, people come to your house and sing at you.
Yeah, it's a seasonal form of torture called caroling.
Will people be doing it here? Not if Dad's sprinklers still work.
[CHUCKLES.]
They do.
Checked them this morning.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Hello? - Hey, in here! You're not supposed to eat raw eggs, but I've had half this bowl and I feel fine.
Huh.
Hello, Merry Christmas.
- Hello, Lois.
- How are you? Happy holidays, Al.
You're right, it happens a lot.
Merry Christmas, Lois.
What you got there? It's your Christmas present.
I can put it under the tree or you can open it right now and wear it to your Christmas party.
So I guess it's not the socket wrenches I asked for.
Oh, holy moly.
It's so soft.
Al, feel this.
In Afghanistan, we have the softest Oh, wow.
If you don't like it, I can take it back.
You better not.
Ah, you look great.
He does, doesn't he? It fits him so well.
Where'd you get it? Brunello Cucinelli.
I never say this unless I'm holding a gigantic fish, but take my picture.
So, you let a naked woman throw a knife at you? Let her? Doc, I dared her.
You want to know what I think? You just described my job.
I think the reason Vanessa and I are always butting heads is because she wasn't in the service.
Holly's been deployed, she gets me.
Like you.
So now I'm wondering, if I had been with Holly all this time, would I be having all these problems? You know there's a difference between the start of a relationship and the end of one.
Yeah, but I don't have to explain every little thing to her.
She's been through it.
Like, it's so hot she's been to Okinawa.
So have I.
Don't wreck it.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, what do we do when I have a breakthrough? Go out for beers? Fire up stogies? You had a date.
Let's not get carried away.
But you can't talk about cigars and not have one.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you want for Christmas, Dad? Just to spend time with you, baby.
Great, crossing you off my list.
Hey, uh how would you feel if I brought a friend to Grampy's Christmas party? A friend, huh? Yes.
A friend.
Is it a girlfriend? Maybe.
Say it.
Say "girlfriend.
" I won't bring her if it's weird for you.
No, you can bring her.
Mom has Freddy.
You can bring someone.
Thanks.
I think you'll like her.
Mind if I bring my boyfriend? What? Too easy.
Might not want to stand there.
Why not? Mistletoe.
That sad little bush? If you're under it with another person, you're supposed to kiss.
Ah, sort of like when the camera turns on you at a baseball game.
No, it's Actually, yeah.
Well, thank you for warning me.
[WHISTLES.]
- We're here.
- Oh, hi.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Merry Christmas.
Glad you guys could make it.
We wouldn't miss it.
That is one nice sweater.
- Thank you.
- May I? I insist.
Oh, yeah.
Right? Oof.
The craftsmanship is extraordinary, and I say that as an experienced yarn worker.
Yep, Freddy made this one for me.
Isn't it great? So colorful.
All I see are my mistakes.
There she is.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey.
[GRUNTS.]
This is my friend I was telling you about.
Hi, Hazel.
I'm Holly.
- I like your Chucks.
- Oh, thanks.
I like your shoes.
Are they uncomfortable? You have no idea.
Looks like it.
I'm gonna go do a lap.
She's cool.
Told you.
So, uh, who's that? Who, Holly? That's Holly.
And how do we know Holly? She works at the VFW bar.
Yeah, she and Riley have been hanging out for a week or so.
And he's bringing her to Christmas? Uh, let me check.
Yes.
Here you go.
And one for you.
And you don't drink, but everybody loves magic.
What?! Is it weird for you to see them do that? No.
[CHUCKLES.]
'Cause it's weird for me to watch you watch them.
What are those, Dad? We ran out of pigs.
They're just getting blankets.
Hey, Art, where would I find ice? Oh, come on, Holly.
You're a guest.
Enjoy the party.
- It's in the garage freezer.
- Copy that.
Good sweater, Dad.
I know, right? Ooh, looking good.
I'm gonna get, like, seven more of these.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't think so.
Why not? Does the name "Brunello Cucinelli" mean anything to you? Was he in The Godfather? He's a designer, and he makes very expensive sweaters.
How expensive? If the house catches fire, save the sweater, then come back for Riley.
I know what you're thinking.
You didn't know my bedroom was gonna be this sexy.
I'm wondering whose ribbon rack you stole.
There is no way you earned all that chest candy.
You still have no idea how impressive I am.
Oh, you hide it well.
[LAUGHS.]
I'm bored.
- Me, too.
- You are? - You want to shoot some hoops? - Really? As long as you're okay with getting schooled.
In those shoes? I don't think so.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Riley, some people are saying they want to go caroling.
Who? Just people.
With songs in their heart.
We don't want to disappoint the people.
Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Okay, I'll let everyone know you're on board.
You're kidding, right? Bringing some random girl to Christmas? She's not random, and I don't know what your problem is.
Uh, my problem is that you're doing it right in front of our daughter.
I talked to her about it.
She's cool.
Besides, you brought Freddy.
Great party, man.
Thanks for having us.
Thank you, Freddy.
I'm glad you both could make it.
You think it's a good idea for me to do my magic trick? No.
It's just that Mrs.
Foster is going to early Mass, so No, Freddy.
Stop smiling.
[LAUGHING.]
: I can't.
Al says you want to go caroling? I did not say that.
Okay, that makes more sense.
Where's your sweater? I didn't want anyone spilling anything on it.
Oh, come on.
If you're not gonna wear it for Christmas, - when are you gonna wear it? - I'll find a time.
You know, if you don't like it, you can just tell me.
I love it.
It's just, do you know how much that thing costs? Don't worry about it.
How can I not worry about it? I drive three towns over for the cheap gas.
If it's not your thing, it's not your thing.
It's not.
I mean, what kind of person wears a sweater that costs so much? - I do.
- Seriously? What if it shrinks in the dryer? What happens if you get moths? After you die, does your family fight over it, or do you bury yourself in it like King Tut? Are you done? I'm not trying to offend you, but come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I am offended.
And you don't put it in the dryer.
Mmm.
You know, Riley's just doing this to get a rise out of me.
[LAUGHS.]
Take it easy on the punch.
It's making you talk.
This is his father's party, and he's ruining it.
He's ruining his father's party.
Does anyone feel like caroling? I hear it's fun.
You know, not to mention, he's using that poor girl.
I'm gonna go set him straight.
- Don't.
- What? Knock it off.
You're embarrassing me.
I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.
Are you kidding? You've been throwing a fit since we got here 'cause, what, your ex has a date? I thought you were here with me.
I am.
Just sit down.
Thank your dad for the nice party.
Hmm.
Maybe I will just go caroling by myself.
What the hell is wrong with everyone? Vanessa, I love you, but the only reason you're angry is because Riley's happy.
Leave him alone.
[HUMMING "JINGLE BELLS".]
Uh, Mr.
Art, you're not wearing your beautiful sweater.
It's in my bedroom under the Picasso.
Okay.
Where's Lois? I don't know.
Probably out buying me a yacht.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- Salaam, Hassina Jaan.
- HASSINA: Salaam.
How's the Christmas? Oh, it is wonderful and magical, and It is crazy.
Everyone is fighting.
So, it's not like in the movies? No, except for maybe Die Hard.
So how long have you and my dad been friends? We've been friends for a couple of years, and "friends" for about a week.
- Oh.
- Hey! We out here playing basketball or Barbies? Okay, I see you.
So, what's the plan with you guys? Man, you really drive to the basket, don't you? I'm just trying to figure out whether it's worth learning your last name.
Beat me to 11, maybe I'll tell you.
Come on.
Come on.
Hey.
Hey.
Your party's going great.
I mean, it's usually not the host who leaves early, but I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a simple guy.
With a lot of opinions.
It's just who I am, and I'm too old to change.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't mind that you have money.
Y-You obviously do.
But I earned it, and I want to spend it on things that make me happy, which was you until two hours ago.
So, what do we do? Well, first, you apologize for being rude.
- I think I did that.
- You did not.
I am so sorry.
And you don't get to make me feel bad for the choices I make.
So, you want me to get my head around the fact that you're rich and sexy and generous? I'll give it a shot.
You're very brave.
And next year, I'll give you those socket wrenches.
Next year? I like the sound of that.
Want to stick around for the after-party? You gonna wear the sweater? That's all I'm gonna wear.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey.
What are you doing in here? I drank too much.
Where's your girlfriend? She went home.
Where's your boyfriend? He went home.
Everyone's pissed at me.
What did I do? [SIGHS.]
Well you are half in the bag and were rude to everyone at the party.
Kind of stole my move there.
I put up with so much from you.
You were a mess for years, and you cheated on me.
You refused to get help.
I'm so mad.
[SIGHS.]
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I really am, and I'm working on it.
If you get better, and then she gets you, how is that fair? Where is that coming from? I don't know.
Are you saying you want to give us another chance? I don't know.
Oh, God.
I hate being the messy one.
Look, what if you're better with Freddy, and I'm better with someone else? Can you just leave me alone? I'll get you some water, some coffee and a bucket.
Maybe not in that order.
[PLAYS NOTE ON PITCH PIPE.]
Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa-la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la La, la 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la - Do you think they can hear us? - Don we now our - Go! - [SCREAMING.]
- Go! Go! - [SCREAMING.]
And Merry Christmas, you son of a b