Xena: Warrior Princess s02e09 Episode Script

On the charge of evading your taxes, I find you both guilty! And I sentence you to ten years hard labor.
If you won’t pay what you owe, then, by Hades, you’ll work it off! As to the charge of celebrating the Winter Solstice, I find you guilty of singing carols and decorating a tree twelve more months! Take them away.
Yes, sire.
You heard King Silvus.
Remove the prisoners.
to the poor house with you-- move it.
But we’re too old to live in a poorhouse.
Then you’ll die there.
Senticles.
Yes, your Majesty.
Have you prepared the eviction lists for today? Today?But,sire today is, sol Yes? Today is so late.
So late looks nearly dark.
Then I suggest you hurry.
Unless you want to add your name to that parchment! Court adjourned! Now, no spying.
And if one of us sees the other shopping in a stall, then she turns and walks the other way-- agreed? Yeah.
No peeking into other peoples’ bags, too.
I mean, being surprised is half the fun-- right? Right.
Ah, nothing can cost more than five dinars.
Then why don’t I just give you five dinars, and you can buy something that you really like? Because, then it wouldn’t be a gift.
Hey! What was that about? He stole my chakram.
I’ll meet you out back.
Pardon me.
Coming through! Now all we need is a Solstice pudding.
And a goose.
Don’t forget the goose.
Lynal, can you get us a goose, too? One goose? We’ll need more than that.
The round thing looks like the king’s crest.
In honor of his cold heart.
Nice tree.
It’s all right it’s all right May I help you? Yes-- that’s mine.
Lynal.
I just borrowed it for the tree.
I was gonna give it back.
Funny how the ribbons bring out its shine.
It’s not an ornament.
Flashy thing like that? What else could it be? Yeah, what else? Hear ye! Hear ye! Children, children.
Settle down.
By order of King Silvus, be it known you have until midnight tonight to pay taxes in the amount of 1000 dinars or face eviction.
No wait, look around.
They’re violating the prohibition.
I say, arrest them now! Gabrielle! I didn’t know you did gift-wrapping.
What did he mean, ‘violating the prohibition’? The children were just enjoying Solstice.
Yes, but here, celebrating the winter solstice is a crime, and anyone who gets caught can expect to pay a price.
How could you work for a man who would put orphans on the street on Solstice Eve? I like to eat.
When King Silvus outlawed toy-making, I had to take whatever job I could.
You were a toymaker? Nice try Let’s throw him in the cell with the guards.
No, wait, wait.
Senticles, Senticles.
Of course! When I was a little girl, I had a toy made-- It was this wooden lamb whose mouth would open when you pulled its tail.
Oh, I love that toy.
I remember that one.
You know, it took me two days to figure out that mouth joint, and weeks to carve his fleece.
Oh yes, he was a real challenge.
So, now you work for the man that put you out of business.
King Silvus sounds like quite a guy.
Well, he’s always been a hard man.
But the Queen used to temper him.
And one solstice eve, about-- thirty years ago, Queen Inalia suddenly died.
He hasn’t been the same since.
I understand his loss, but that’s no excuse for banning Winter Solstice.
That’s true.
But as hard as his laws are on others, I imagine the loneliness in him has caused the king to be even worse That reminds me of a story I heard once.
A story? Tell us! OK, OK, OK-- OK, sit down.
Once in a land far away, there was this rich, but miserly man named Cresus.
And his heart was so hard, that his servants begged the gods to intervene.
They sent the Fates to separate the strands of his life, so that he might see himself more clearly.
Unfortunately, - Cresus didn’t mend his ways.
- What? Why not? So the gods turned him into a spirit, doomed to walk the Earth forever as invisible to others as they were to him in life.
I don’t like this story.
Actually, I didn’t like the end to that story, anyway.
And I bet we could change it Maybe.
if we tried? Look, if we can change the king’s mind without changing his anatomy, think of the example it’ll be to the children.
Gabrielle, the eviction notice is set at midnight.
If we don’t stop it, these kids are out on the street.
I know, but it will work.
And what if it doesn’t? We clobber him.
Please, just try it my way just this once In honor of the Solstice? All right if it means that much to you.
But we’re going to need disguises and access to the castle.
Hi.
You’ll have to stretch it as far as you can.
We need everything on the list to make it work.
Trust me, Xena.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to bargain.
You just worry about getting to King Silvus without cracking heads.
Deal’s a deal.
Yo! Right, Senticles? I’ll take you to him all right.
It’s just that, well, how do I know you’re not an assassin? Because if I was, he’d be dead already.
Works for me.
Good.
You get everything we need, and I’ll meet you back at the orphanage.
You stubborn ass! You’ve been nothing but trouble the entire time we’ve been together.
Now, move! Excuse me, sir.
That’s quite an animal you’ve got there.
You want him? He’s yours.
Fifty dinars.
Fifty? That’s what the tannery will give me for his hide.
You’re taking him to be skinned? Look How about I do you a favor? I’ll take him off your hands for say, 25 dinars? he’s worth at the tannery.
Yeah, well you have to get him there first, right.
? Let’s face it.
I’ve seen healthier hides on a used couch Nothing personal.
What do you say? You’re a lucky man, Silvus.
Now, surprise me, and be smart, too.
Wake up! Ahh! Who are you?! How did you get in here?! What do you want? My name’s Xena.
We need to talk.
Listen anything you want.
Take it.
Jewels, money,anything take it, take it.
Just have mercy on an old man.
The same kind of mercy you showed that orphanage you’re closing? Orphanage? You signed the order yourself.
Maybe so.
I issue so many time’s being what they are.
And whose fault is that? Did you ever stop to think that maybe if you eased up on your people a little let them celebrate Solstice perhaps the times might ease up, too? Wait a minute.
You’re one of those Solstice lovers aren’t you? One of those rebels who thinks that everything and everyone should stop once a year just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts! Well, you know what I say to that? Bet I can guess.
Guards! Guards! Quick! Coming, Sire! You petty tyrants so predictable.
But heed my warning, Silvus.
Change your ways or suffer the consequences.
No! Inalia’s gone for good and so’s the Solstice.
Break it down! This isn’t over, Silvus.
The truth is, it’s just begun.
Stop her! Inalia.
I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do.
I’m afraid you have to leave.
Look, I know it’s not fair, especially on Solstice Eve, but what can I do? Look, I know, I know, but Melana said you can’t stay inside.
And the place is hers until midnight.
Look, I guess, I guess it’s bunking under the stars for you, my friend.
Now, let’s go.
Come on, I’ll stay with you, so you won’t get lonely.
Come on.
Tobias, come on! You know, I’m beginning to understand your former owner.
Come on, you rugrats time to wash up Well, I’ll be Just like Argo.
I wonder what Xena will say to this.
Nice work.
You just saved someone years in prison changing the sentence like that.
It’s nothing.
I change a letter here, a number there.
Hoping to do a little good.
believe me it’s nothing.
So’s your part in my plan.
It’s nothing.
All you have to do is No! I won’t risk being arrested I can’t.
I’d die locked up in a cell closed in like that.
I couldn’t face going to prison.
What do you think would happen if the king found out about these changes you made to his orders? Found out? But, surely, you wouldn’t you couldn’t Of course, not.
But the point is, if he did find out, you’d be thrown in prison anyway.
You’re braver than you give yourself credit for.
So don’t deny your courage or the children.
And from that day on, we’ve honored and celebrated it-- as a time of rebirth for our wishes and our dreams.
The time of coming together in joy and peace.
It’s the shortest day of the year and the longest night.
But on this special night, a new light, a new chance is born to us all.
So, it’s a time for miracles and goodwill towards all living creatures.
That’s why the Winter Solstice means so much and touches us all so deeply.
I have a Solstice wish.
Me too! Let’s hear it.
I wish we could have a big Solstice dinner with all the trimmings.
Me too.
Yeah.
I wish we could each have a Solstice present of our very own.
I wish everyone in the world could be as happy as we are right now.
I think those are all fine wishes.
Now, why don’t we go and gather our stockings and put them by the fireplace? Come on, let’s go.
You’d better hope this plan works.
Otherwise I’ll do whatever it takes to keep those kids from getting hurt.
She’s a very physical person.
I completely agree with you.
If the plan fails, we punch faces.
Until then, we do it peacefully in the spirit of Solstice.
Who’s your friend? Xena, meet Tobias.
Now, isn’t he sweet? And he’s trained just like Argo you just whistle.
He cost me all of our money but I couldn’t let him go to a tannery not on Solstice Eve.
It’s all right.
I got everything we need at the castle.
Now, all we have to do is figure out the details And then hope I can restrain myself long enough to pull it off.
Silvus wake up.
Silvus, arise.
Open you eyes.
Silvus, wake up! Oh, what is this, the town square?! Who are you? What do you want?! Mankind calls me Clotho First of the Fates, whose province is the past.
Nonsense! You’re nothing but a dream, probably brought on by indigestion a fatty piece of beef a bit of gristle.
Get out and let me sleep! Your commands have no sway over me.
Rather, I command you to arise, and walk by my side.
How do I know you’re really a Fate? For all I can tell, you could be a thief, or another of those Solstice cracks.
Hmm, perhaps this will convince you that time is mine to rule as I will.
I am the Fate of the past.
Long past? Your past, which I will show you then you will turn to the present with my sister.
And as for your future All right, I believe you.
What now? Come! Where are we going? To a place you have forgotten though it haunts your every thought.
Silvus-- Silvus.
Dear husband.
Inalia? Stop! Come no closer.
I am but a shadow from your past.
Sent to beg you turn from your narrow, greedy ways before it’s too late.
Too late? Great Zeus.
Here, drink this.
Easy, big fella.
Steady-- steady, big boy.
Hey, check this out.
A warning that our time is nearly up.
No-- not yet.
Don’t leave me, Inalia please not again.
I’m sorry, Silvus.
You’ve grieved long enough.
You must forget my death on that Solstice Eve so long ago.
Death? What do you mean? You-- you didn’t die.
You you-- you walked out on me.
I don’t understand.
I was speaking metaphorically.
We-- we shadows from the past tend to do that.
Yeah.
Meta, metaphor.
Wait-- what’s-- what’s going on here? What’s happening? Who-- who are--? - Is he all right? - Fine but that sleeping herb I put in his wine won’t last long.
We’d better get moving.
I thought Senticles said his wife was dead.
He also said he’d handle Tobias.
We start Phase 2.
You get changed and see what happened.
I’ll meet you back at the orphanage.
OK.
Come on, King.
Senticles.
Senticles.
Where are you? Senticles.
Tobias Good job, boy.
Now where’s Senticles? What? Are you trying to tell me something? Do you know where Senticles is? OK-- let’s find him.
Smart donkey.
Silvus, wake up! Am I to understand that you are-- Lachesis-- second of the Fates.
Here to show your present.
Now, arise and dress.
Put on these? But I’m the king.
Why would I wear something common as this? Tonight, we go among your subjects as anonymous to them as they are to you.
The better to show you how your cruel laws and harsh judgments affect them.
To what point? In hopes I’ll change my life? In the hopes that you might change theirs.
Unless you’d like me to find a more forceful way of persuading you.
You won’t be needing that.
Hello Senticles.
Are you in there? Hello! It’s me,Gabrielle.
Senticles.
What happened? You were supposed to stay with Tobias.
You know, Xena and I were nearly caught.
So was I.
Two guards came by.
If I hadn’t run, I don’t know what would have happened.
You ran away? Well, what else could I do? You didn’t expect me to stay there and get caught, did you? No-- no-- but what about us? What about Tobias? You forget I’ve seen your warrior friend in action.
I knew you’d be OK.
As for the donkey What are they gonna do to a donkey? Whereas me they could lock in prison for the rest of my life.
It’s like I told your friend, I can’t do that.
I can’t.
Shut up in a small space.
I’d die.
Look-- I’m sorry if I let you down But, I warned you I’m no hero.
So, why don’t you just go, all right,just leave me alone! Go! What is all this? It’s nothing.
I shouldn’t have left them out.
Are you crazy? It’s amazing.
Look at all these toy.
Her eyes open and close.
Yes, well that’s because I use this little Oh, look at this.
This is exactly like the toy I had growing up remember? I told you how much it meant to me.
Oh, all these toys.
They’d mean so much to the orphans too Don’t you think? Every child could have a toy of his very own.
That would be true if they were legal which they aren’t.
Well-- don’t worry about that.
By the time we’re done with King Silvus he’ll be handing them out himself.
We could use this We could take the toys to the orphanage and hide them.
And, I’ll have to disguise you, just in case we do run into guards.
We don’t want them to recognize you.
No, I won’t risk going to prison.
Look you say you’re afraid of small spaces.
Well, that’s exactly how you live your whole life in a small space afraid to stand up for yourself or anyone else.
Don’t you see? What you’re most afraid will happen, has happened? The question is, what are you going to do about it? I know-- I know it’s-- it’s late.
slam the door if you want to.
Wouldn’t surprise me a bit.
Slam the door? On Solstice Eve? That’s a good one.
Come in.
How can I help you? Well-- We are-- we’re-- we’re Strangers.
Strangers-- right.
We’re strangers.
We’ve been, uh, travelling all day and we-- we-- Need a bit of food and drink?.
Well, we don’t have much.
But, you’re welcome to share what we’ve got.
The charity of your king and country is legendary.
Our king? Charitable? You really are strangers here.
What’s that supposed to mean? Just that, King Silvus is the meanest, most tight-fisted ruler this side of the Aegean.
Is that so? Absolutely.
You’ve heard of Midas, right? Greediest man in the world, until Hercules helped him.
Well, our king makes him look like Lady Bountiful.
Surely, you exaggerate.
I wish! This is an orphanage.
And, ‘cause we can’t pay our taxes, King Silvus is kicking us out of here at midnight.
What kind of king does that to kids on Solstice Eve? Good question.
Coast is clear.
Let’s go.
Come on, Tobias.
Remember the king’s command.
Any resistance, we storm in full force.
Look they’re headed straight for the orphanage.
We have to warn Melana.
How? They’ll be guarding the doors.
Well, then, we’ll find another way inside.
OK? Come on.
Stars tonight, oh skies in sight On Solstice night, on Solstice night.
Chestnuts spark the hearth is bright.
Solstice night is here.
Snow so white casts winter’s light On Solstice night, this quiet night.
Our song so light sends hope of light This longest night of the year.
Time of wonder, time for cheer, The greatest time of all.
Can’t help it when The love we share Shines bright in everyone.
Take me home.
I’ve seen and heard enough.
Enough to stop your eviction? Enough to bring back Winter Solstice? Enough! I won’t be lectured especially when it’s all your fault.
My fault? If you Fates hadn’t separated Inalia and me I might have been a different man a better king.
But you did you let her leave.
She walked out on me, just as I’m walking out on you right now! Happy Solstice! Halt! You’re under arrest by order of the king.
Don’t be absurd.
I am the king.
Right, and I’m the Queen of the Amazons.
Seize them! Hold it, boys.
Where’s your Holiday-- Spirit? What are you waiting for?! Arrest them! Did you see that? They attacked me! Me, their king! You and your friend better go.
I’m not going anywhere.
Xena! Thank the gods it’s you! The guards in the basement have escaped! Believe me, Lynal, that is the least of our worries.
Attention, everyone in the building.
Either you come out voluntarily or we’re coming in to get you.
But, either way, you’re gone! Are you sure he’ll be all right? His pulse is strong.
Once the shock wears off, he should be fine.
Dear gods, I hope so.
On second thought, maybe you should stay with him just in case anything develops.
But, I can’t.
I mean, what about the children? Lynal will look after them.
Right? Well, sure, but who’s gonna help you? Go and see to the kids.
The reinforcements have arrived.
I did it! The gods be praised! I did it! That chimney is dark and cold as a grave.
But I just grabbed my sack of toys and-- Ho-ho-ho! Down I came! And, you know what? I liked it! I did-- it was fun! By Zeus! I’m gonna do that every Solstice Eve! Just see if I don’t.
That’s great, Senticles, but we’ve got a problem, here.
Xena, there are a troup of guards outside.
I know.
I guess my plan didn’t work after all So I guess we have to slash and crash.
But thanks for trying.
Back to business as usual, right? All right, we gave ‘em a chance.
Now, in the name of King Silvus, attack! Let the games begin.
Boys! Come and get your Solstice present.
You wanna help me play with it? Senticles! Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! The gods defend me.
You’re the third one-- the Fate of the future, am I right? Atropos come to show me my What is it? What is this place? Tell me-- Why am I here? It’s dark and-- cold as a-- grave? Is that it? Is this my-- tomb? And that-- that noise like- - souls-- crying out in pain.
Is this my future? No, no, don’t leave me.
Just tell me Does it have to be? This place, my death? Can it change if I change my life? Please, I-- I don’t want to die alone.
I’ve lived that way for thirty years.
I can change.
I know I can.
No! I won’t go with you not yet.
You’ll see-- I’ll show you.
I’ll prove to you, I’m not the man I was.
I’m not! This way! Great stocking stuffers.
Go ahead make my day.
Thanks.
Gabrielle, get me a sword.
This guy’s driving me nuts! Come on.
Load your weapons! Ready! Fire! Yeah! You call yourself soldiers? Getting beaten by women and children? Right, come on! We’ll make them pay.
You’re pathetic! Now, tighten your ranks! Look sharp! Come on.
Charge! Did you see them run?! Like rabbits?! Yes, sir! Ha-ha! There’ll be no evictions here! Not tonight! Not ever! Your Majesty, this is the woman who runs the orphanage.
Her name’s-- Inalia.
Yes.
Oh, my dearest wife.
Can you-- ever forgive me for closing my heart to you-- and to our people? For wasting thirty precious years in bitterness and greed? I know I don’t deserve it, but please,say you’ll try.
I heard what you said and I forgive you with all my heart.
I guess you got that happy ending you wanted.
And then some.
Excuse me, please.
Could you tell us which is the road going west? You’re on it.
There’s a town on the way if you’re looking for food and shelter.
We’d be happy to help you get there.
you’re very kind but, we’re in a hurry.
Come dear the caravan won’t wait.
Yes, we’re coming.
Wait a minute.
If you’re in a hurry, then, wouldn’t it be faster if your wife and child rode the distance? Well, of course, but we don’t have the means to You do now.
For us? But, it’s too much.
We can’t accept it.
Sure you can, if you can whistle.
Call it a , call it a Solstice gift for the baby.
May God smile on you always for your kindness.
Thank you.
Tobias Now take good care of these people,OK? Don’t be stubborn.
I’ll miss you, too.
That was a nice thing you did back there.
What would I do with a silly old donkey, anyway? They needed him more than me Besides, they seem pretty nice.
After all, it is Solstice.
Oh, that’s right.
Happy Solstice.
Well-- what? Oh.
I don’t have a gift for you.
Gabrielle, you are a gift to me.