And Just Like That... (2021) s02e10 Episode Script

1
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
(CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING)
CARRIE: I can't believe I have
lived in New York for 35 years
and I've never been to Coney Island.
AIDAN: Thirty-five years? But you
got to New York when you were 21.
- (CARRIE CHUCKLES)
- Wait a second.
- Twenty-one plus th Hold up. Are you old?
- (CARRIE CHUCKLES)
- STEVE: Hey! You made it.
- CARRIE: Hey.
That wasn't too long a trip, huh?
Nah, three subways and
travelin' since dawn.
Take a car, all right?
You can afford it.
- I got too much moolah wrapped up in this joint.
- Wow.
But you didn't do so bad on Scout.
- (LAUGHS) You got that right.
- Steve, this place is amazing!
It's gonna be. There's a lot to do.
- CARRIE: Mm.
- And this joint is fuckin' old. (CHUCKLES)
So is Carrie. I just found out.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Hey, you want a beer?
- Ya got beer?
- I'm a bartender, I always got a beer.
- (FACETIME RINGING)
- STEVE: Hey, Victor,
can you hand me that cooler?
Hey, it's Wyatt.
Hey! Look where I am. Coney Island!
(WYATT OVER PHONE): Dad,
can you come home now?
(CHUCKLES) What? No.
I-I'll be home in two days.
- What's up?
- Mom's being a real dick.
Oh.
Oh, hey. Come on, now.
Hey, what's goin' on?
WYATT: She tried to
take away my phone
Steve, how did you ever find this place?
Ah, you know
I used to come out
here when I was a kid,
- my brother and me, ya know?
- Mm-hmm.
When I was, uh, goin' through
all that shit with Miranda,
- I needed to get away, uh, clear my head.
- Thank you.
(SIGHS) I wound up right there.
- Right over there. Lookin' at the ocean.
- Hm.
And then one day
I turn around,
and I take a good look at this place.
And I'm like, "Boom!"
(CHUCKLES) I gotta do somethin' new.
I gotta do somethin' to
make me happy, ya know?
Fuck all that bougie Brooklyn bullshit.
Ya know? Hot dogs and clams.
It reminds me of who I am.
- You are so hot dogs and clams.
- (STEVE LAUGHS)
So, how's you guys' new place comin'?
It's movin' right
along. Yep. Knock wood.
- AIDAN: Where's my beer?
- Hey.
Everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.
Hey.
Here's to doin' somethin' new.
Doin' somethin' new.
- BRADY: Hey! What's up?
- Somethin' new.
Oh, the cherry on the sundae.
(LAUGHTER)
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hey, Serena?
- Hm?
The new BBC Correspondent
wants to meet with an HRW rep in person.
How would Raina approach that?
She would've booked a meeting
at the U.N. Wednesday at noon,
and take Miranda as her point person.
- Ah, you're here!
- Raina, you're back!
I am, so try and take
that slight judgmental tone
- out of your voice.
- Oh, I didn't I wasn't
(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God.
Kidding. I'm projecting.
Five weeks maternity leave is enough
- when the world's in crisis, right?
- Yeah.
How much leave did you take, Miranda?
Twelve weeks. Felt like 100.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you for that.
So, if you've already
scheduled the BBC at the U.N.,
I take it you've been working from home?
Yes, but I cleared it with my new boss.
- O-Oh, you have a new boss?
- Yes. Wallace. My baby.
- (LAUGHING) Oh, that's cute.
- SERENA: Aw.
- RAINA: Miranda?
- Coming.
Come right this way. I have another one.
All right, so, this Alex Israel,
it has the pop sensibility
that we talked about,
and, like you, he uses
his identity in his art.
- I really like it.
- Do you?
- Yeah, I love it.
- It's beautiful.
Hi, Charlotte,
Rock's on the landline.
Says it's an emergency.
- Landline? That's a throwback.
- (JEFFREY CHUCKLES)
- Excuse me.
- It's all right.
- Love you. Love your music.
- Aw.
I'm totally unprofessional,
- but, hey, fuck it. (CHUCKLES)
- Aw, thank you.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Oh.
I'm Sam. This is Jeffrey.
- Hi.
- JEFFREY: Hello.
(AWKWARD SILENCE)
- JEFFREY: She's too cute.
- SAM: She's very sweet.
Okay, that is not an emergency.
You scared me calling the landline!
I called your cell and
left you, like, 10 texts,
and you didn't pick up.
(WHISPERS) I am in the middle of
selling a painting to Sam Smith!
- No way. That's so cool.
- (BELL RINGS)
But I need my notebook.
Rock, this is why I always tell you
to pack your bag the night before.
I did. I thought I had it.
And it is an emergency
because it's fourth period
and I need it for my
presentation in sixth!
(PHONE RINGS)
What's wrong? What's the emergency?
Rock needs their Earth
Science notebook from home.
That's not an emergency!
Why would you call my
assistant with that?
Well, I texted you twice.
- I thought my father died.
- Why would you think that?
I always think that.
That call is comin'.
Well, this is not it.
I need you to go home,
get the notebook, and
take it to them at school.
Well, I-I'm, I'm in
the middle of a brief!
Well, I'm in the middle of
selling a painting to Sam Smith.
This is the deal we made, Harry.
You said you would pitch in.
I have run to that
school a million times.
- Yeah, but I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the
- You're the what?
You're the man? You're the
father, and I'm the mother?
Babe, uh, I gotta go. Rock needs
that workbook. I-It's an emergency.
(SIGHS)
Can I tell them your
exciting news, Lisa?
Well, it's not as exciting
as these zucchini chips,
- but knock yourself out.
- I am living for these chips.
It's important to have
something to live for.
So, PBS is extending Lisa's
documentary into a 10-part series!
- They're Ken Burns-ing you!
- Yeah.
Wow, that's amazing. And a tad
more exciting than the chips.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- (LAUGHS) Oh, sorry.
(SIGHS) Lily, did you not get my text
that I am having brunch with the ladies?
Did she just officially
make us ladies who lunch?
No, she made us ladies who brunch.
We're ladies who brunch vegan,
- so kinda updates the scenario.
- (LAUGHTER)
'Cause I have not seen my
friends all week, that's why.
And, yes, I'm aware that it's Saturday,
and that's why we're
calling it brunch. Goodbye!
No, I don't wanna talk about it!
And we don't want you to either!
Ever since I've gone back to work,
it's just it's nonstop.
Texting and calling just
about every little thing.
- It's like they're regressing.
- Guess we're talking about it.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no! We are not.
This is my time. May
I have a zucchini chip?
- Yes.
- LISA: Yes, please.
- Lisa!
- LISA: Hm?
Why don't we tell them
the other exciting news?
- More exciting news? Some brunch.
- (LAUGHTER)
You won the raffle from the spring
charity fundraiser at our school!
- I never win those things!
- MIRANDA: Me neither.
Two years ago, I really
wanted that jet ski.
Just to get to Brooklyn faster?
- Yeah.
- Well, it's a private dinner at your home for 16 people
prepared by a Michelin-star
New York City chef!
- (SOFTLY) Wow!
- Wait, do I even know
16 people I want to eat with?
You could use it as a housewarming
for your new apartment.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, not with
those freshly plastered
white walls, I can't.
Oh, no-no-no. (GASPS)
But ya know what? I could
have it at my old apartment.
Aw.
Ya know, like, like, a goodbye party.
- MIRANDA: Aw.
- "The Last Supper."
Ooh, well done.
That's why she got the PBS gig.
(LAUGHTER)
- I'll talk to ya later.
- Congratulations again.
- (ALL SAYING GOODBYE)
- So exciting.
I'm working at the U.N. Wednesday.
- (GASPS) Look at you.
- I know, look at me.
- I'm so excited.
- Wow. Thirty-five years in New York,
mm-mm, never been to the U.N.
No way! Not even on a class trip?
Well, we came in 8th grade,
but I skipped it and went to Fiorucci
and bought a pair of pink
jelly fisherman sandals.
Well, that was important, too.
Never been to Coney
Island till two days ago.
Yeah. Aidan and I went to
check out Steve's new place.
Oh. What's it like?
Uh, it's on the ocean and,
honestly, it's kinda magical.
- Magical?
- Yeah.
Okay.
And my tour of, uh, the outer
boroughs continues next week
when Aidan and I go to Brooklyn
and see Che perform.
Coney Island is in Brooklyn,
so it's not so much a
tour of the outer boroughs
as it is a tour of my exes.
Right, right. Well, ya know,
they're my friends, too.
- I wanna support them.
- Of course. And I want you to.
I just thought I should tell ya.
Yeah. Thanks. It's fine.
It's (CHUCKLES) it's just
a little weird that Steve
has this whole new place
and you've seen it and I haven't.
Miranda, you got a MetroCard.
MetroCard? Carrie, I tap now.
CARRIE: Look at you again!
- MIRANDA: Yes.
- CARRIE: Keep walkin'.
- MIRANDA: Ooh, look at the lollies.
- CARRIE: Keep walkin'.
Look at all this gorgeous glass!
- (GASPS) Ooh!
- Wow.
This one is Italian
- Mid-Century vintage.
- Nice.
Charlotte, maybe, don't tell
anyone else about the PBS thing.
No way. I'm gonna
tell everyone about it.
It is an amazing accomplishment.
Just in case it doesn't
happen, you know?
It's gonna be a lotta work.
Ten hours of new content,
and I have the children.
I know, but you've got
that home routine down.
You're like a machine.
I mean, this series has to happen.
Think about everything it's
gonna do for your career.
Also, think about all the previously
unsung Black women's stories
you will be able to tell.
(LISA SIGHS)
I'm pregnant.
- Oh, my God.
- How am I gonna do a 10-part series
with a newborn?
I will be missing deadlines,
I will be pumping around the clock,
and I will be failing at both jobs.
Lisa
- I think you can do this.
- How?
I am falling asleep everywhere.
Let's say I muscle
through this pregnancy,
but when the baby
comes, even with help
it's just so much.
So many moods and schedules to manage.
Jesus
How did this happen?
I thought I moved out of Babyville,
but apparently, I still
live right on the border.
Goddammit.
(CRYING) I just I thought
it was finally my time,
Charlotte.
Do you wanna go sit down
and we could talk about it some more?
(CHUCKLES) I wanna go
home and take a nap.
Of course. Yeah, of course. Of course.
JUDY: Bye-bye, beautiful.
CHE: Okay, I'll fill up the bins.
How dressy is this venue for
your comedy show on Thursday?
Judy, that's nice, but
(CHUCKLES) you don't have to come.
It's just a shitty club in Brooklyn.
I came to see you at the
Tropicana at Atlantic City.
I am coming to Brooklyn.
Slot machines or not,
I will turn it out.
- (CHE CHUCKLES)
- Judy doesn't do shitty club drag.
Oh, my God. The Tropicana. Jesus.
- Another life ago.
- You were funny, honey.
- Mm.
- Judy, I need you back here
to assist me for an hour or so.
She can handle the front.
"They."
"They can handle the front."
I use they/them pronouns, Dr. Fisher.
Yes. Right. Sorry. I know that.
- Old dog.
- (CHE CHUCKLES)
How many more times do
I have to correct him?
My guess: many more times.
Ugh. (SCOFFS)
He's used to who you used to be here.
Well, I'm not that person,
and I don't think it's too much to ask
- to be recognized for who I am now.
- I hear ya.
I've been fightin' that
fight since Ed Koch was mayor.
Okay, well not who I am now.
I mean, how would he like it if
I went around calling him "young"?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
- (ANTHONY EXHALES)
- (GIUSEPPE SIGHS)
(BOTH PANTING)
- You are a wonderful lover.
- I know.
But it's still nice to hear, though.
And now
my turn to fuck you, yes?
- Uh, no.
- Oh.
Really? And, uh, why not?
Because it's not who I am.
(SCOFFS) What does that mean?
(CHUCKLES) You're the bottom, I'm not.
I'm bottom. I'm top.
I'm in love. With you.
And I would like you to
feel something wonderful.
Have ya seen yourself down there?
I know how to be gentle.
(CHUCKLES) Mm-hmm. Remains to be seen.
But what is this really about?
It's about nine inches.
- No, it's about something else.
- Eh, tell that to my sphincter.
- What is sphincter?
- Oh, right,
like there haven't been many lawsuits.
I don't understand
what the issue is here,
but it's a big one, and not my big one.
Okay, look I've never done it.
I've never been fucked.
- Never?
- No.
With all the sex you have had?
All that sex and never fucked?
- Why? Why have you never been
- Jesus Christ.
Because I'm not the woman, okay?
- So I'm the woman?
- No!
- Look.
- I'm looking.
Gay men of my generation
see things differently.
The roles were more defined.
Why does someone have to be the woman?
Why can't we be two men,
each one getting fucked on and off?
Monday, me, Tuesday, you.
You kids today with the versatility.
Come on. This doesn't
have to be a thing.
Plenty of gay relationships
exist without penetration.
Not to mention most straight marriages.
I hear you.
Good.
- But why would you be afraid of more love?
- Hey!
Don't poet me right now.
(SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MOANING)
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Anything you want me
to leave for you here?
- Um, everything.
- (CAT MEOWS)
I mean, I know the closet
is off-limits, obviously.
Oh, well, there's probably
a couple ratty bras
from the '80s that are in there.
- You could have those.
- Okay, you're joking
- but I'll take 'em.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
(CAT MEOWS)
I do love this black
rotary phone, though.
Oh. Nope. Sorry.
That phone has calls in it
that I have to take with me.
I'm not mad at these two photographs.
- Yours.
- SEEMA: Look who it is.
Carrie Bradshaw and the
luckiest girl in New York.
Are you gonna call me
that every time you see me?
At the price you got this apartment,
you will never have any other name.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay.
- I wanted to give it to a single girl.
I brought us lunch. Not for you.
You can afford your own yellowtail.
- Okay, well, I can see I'm not wanted here.
- CARRIE: Aw.
(CHUCKLES) Um, but don't forget,
free jewelry for both of you. For life!
Well, I plan on living a very long time.
(CHUCKLES) Bye!
Okay Disaster.
Ugh, God. It's the new place, right?
- I knew it was too good to be true.
- I told Ravi I love him.
And w Did he
He didn't say it back?
- No, he did.
- And the disaster is?
I said it too soon.
Like, out of nowhere.
It totally surprised me.
It's only been three and a half weeks.
I haven't even vetted him.
I don't know if this is gonna work out.
I just I don't know
what happened last night.
- I was feeling so much
- Love.
And other things. He was
inside me when I said it.
- Eating.
- What is wrong with me?
I've just thrown away 30 years
of smart dating, like that.
My point of view, as of late
if you feel love, run after it,
give it all you have, hold back nothing.
Except for certain explicit details
while I'm trying to enjoy my sushi.
I don't know, Carrie.
Saying "I love you"
tends to cloud one's rational senses.
I mean, the price you sold
this apartment for is insanity.
Seema, look.
(PURRING)
Think she's mine now.
(CAT MEOWS)
RAINA: And Lisa's very cooperative.
JOY: She's very approachable.
She makes it all very simple.
Yes. No, she's really, really wonderful.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Ugh. Sorry, Joy.
I gotta run, literally.
I'm late for everything.
- Most importantly, my breast pump.
- Oh, no worries.
You've been very
generous this afternoon.
Anything else you
need, just ask Miranda.
She's brilliant.
Well, not anything.
I think she was referring more
- to research and contacts.
- Oh, too bad.
I'm desperate for someone
to paint my bathroom.
Oh, definitely not me.
Very sloppy painter.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Raina's wonderful.
Yes. I remember those first few months.
Never enough time to do anything.
- Do you have kids?
- No, I have Italian Greyhounds.
- They're horrible.
- (MIRANDA LAUGHS)
So, you did a, a wonderful job today.
How long have you two been associates?
Associates? Oh, no, no, no.
I'm, I'm new. I'm just, uh,
covering during her maternity leave.
Oh, I'm even more impressed then.
- Thank you.
- I hope I see you again, Miranda.
Uh, you too, Joy.
- Bye.
- Take care.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(DOOR OPENS)
The U.N. says "Hey."
- Hey.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
I just RSVP'd a big "yes" to
Carrie's Michelin chef dinner.
- Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
- Cannot wait!
I would cut my arm off
and eat it if it was prepared
- by a Michelin chef.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- Do you know who it is?
- Nope.
I'm more concerned with the guest list.
- What?
- Che's coming,
and we haven't seen each
other since our break-up.
- (LAPTOP CHIMES)
- Would you serve as a buffer if needed?
- No fucking way.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah, that's stupid.
I'm sure it won't be needed. We're cool.
No, no, not you.
I just got a co-ed
baby shower invitation
from Andre Rashad.
(SIGHS) I knew I over-emoji'd
his Instagram post.
Ugh. I've done that.
- What did you send?
- A whole slew of smiley faces,
- some woo-hoo-hands.
- (MIRANDA CHUCKLES)
Think there might've been some
prayer hands thrown in there.
Still! Andre shouldn't think you're
showing up to his baby shower.
- Ugh!
- I know.
Is that a registry attached?
- It sure is.
- (GROANS) Oh.
Look at this shit. "Baby
Bassinet Swivel Sleeper 2.0."
- So glad they updated it.
- (MIRANDA LAUGHS)
$549 for a Wearable Double-Breast Pump.
- 'Cause that's always a good look.
- Eh.
Wow. I thought the baby biz
was nuts when I had my kid.
Lesson learned. Next time
I get out of a relationship,
I'm gonna cut 'em off,
like you do with your exes.
- I don't c-cut 'em off.
- Yeah, you do.
Cold turkey's your
spirit animal, remember?
- No, I
- Look at me. I'm not judging you.
Seems smart now.
Here's my gift: The Peek-A-Boo
Luxury All-Terrain Baby Stroller.
- 999 smackeroos.
- Nya.
- Hm?
- Shut the registry.
Your emoji-explosion was your gift.
No. Fuck that. Peek-A-Boo this.
- What are you doing?
- Ride your baby around
in this bad boy, Hipster Heidi.
And every time you carry
it up a flight of stairs,
know it's from Andre Rashad's
Columbia law professor ex-wife
with plenty of disposable income.
- You showed them.
- Damn right.
You know, a lotta people have no idea
how to process gender individuality.
And that is because
every time we are represented
in mainstream media,
we have to be from some other galaxy.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- 'Kay?
Or, like, some super-skinny model.
Or, like, uh, an ethereal magical elf
with an ethereal magical
elf septum nose ring.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- (STOPS VIDEO)
- (PLAYS VIDEO)
- (AUDIENCE CHEERS)
(JAY MENDEZ ON VIDEO): Now,
please put your hands together for
Cheryl Diaz!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, WHISTLING)
Give it up for Jay
Mendez! I did. (LAUGHS)
Ugh, he's so hot.
Okay. So, um, I've been
dating a lot recently.
- (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
- And I don't know if other ladies
can relate to this,
but I'm fucking starving!
(CHUCKLES) I haven't
had a full meal in weeks.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- It's like, "No, no, no, no, no.
- You-you have the black truffle-shaved pasta."
- (INHALES) Mm.
"And the pork chop.
And the side of fries.
I'll have the small dinner salad
"dressing on the side.
Yeah, 'cause I'm petite. (CHUCKLES)
No, I am, I am. This
is all boob weight."
And now I've got his full attention.
Right? (LAUGHS) I got his
attention, I got his attention,
I got his attention, his attention.
Ah, God, so
(LISA SCOFFS, GRUNTS)
- (LISA EXHALES)
- Are you all right?
Why didn't you get a
vasectomy when I asked you to?
Uh eight years ago?
Yes, eight years ago,
right after Gabby was born.
Why didn't you?
(HERBERT SIGHS)
Well, if you wanna stop
annihilating that poor pillow,
we can have a conversation.
Okay. If you remember, you
were a little postpartum
after you had Gabby,
so when you asked
You can't be "a little" postpartum.
Sorry.
Okay.
I wasn't sure if it was
just the hormones talking
It's never "just the hormones."
(SIGHS) Man, I can't do anything right.
You could've, if eight years ago,
you had done what I asked you to.
(HERBERT SIGHS)
Like I said
I wasn't sure what
you were going through,
so I kinda let it slide
in the event that
someday, in the future,
we might decide to have
another child when
When my career was taking off?
Lis you can do this.
If anyone can, you can.
And I'll be here to help.
You are in the middle
of a political campaign.
- (HERBERT SIGHS)
- Ya barely help me with the three kids
we already have.
What happens when you win?
Then
should we be having
the other discussion?
It's your decision, Lisa.
Whatever is best for
you, that's what I want.
I really appreciate you saying that.
I've thought about it, but I can't.
I mean, I'm really grateful
that I have that option,
but
(INHALES)
I just need to wrap my head
around this new reality.
I will.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
I always do.
You always do.
♪
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)
What did you wanna see me about?
Your attitude. In, bright eyes.
I warn ya, I'm not in a good mood.
I just found out I'm a dinosaur.
A gay dinosaur. Practically extinct.
(CHUCKLES) Please, let's not go down
the plastic surgery route again, okay?
- Your face is fine.
- No, it-it's not my face.
- It's my ass.
- Okay, we'll get to that in a bit. Sit.
Oh. We're drinking?
- Yes, because
- No, oh, I don't need a reason.
(CARRIE CHUCKLES)
Stanford asked me to speak to you.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
That's nice. Over a year without a word.
Where's Baldo now?
He's, um, he's back in Japan, in Kyoto.
He went to see the Geishas.
Oh, yeah. More "gay" than "sha."
(SLIGHT CHUCKLE)
And
he's staying.
Staying?
So, what, he's Japanese now?
Kind of.
- He's a Shinto monk.
- Get the fuck outta here!
A Good Photoshop. What's the bit?
No, no, no. There's no bit.
He had a big, ugly fight
with his TikTok client.
She fired him and ran off to Berlin.
He wandered around
Kyoto for days crying.
Eventually found his way
into a temple where
I guess, he stopped crying.
And he wrote
"Carrie, for the first
time in my life
I felt peace. Real peace."
What's a monk do?
Um, well, they, um,
keep up the public altar,
put out fresh flowers, facilitate
the tourists' temple visits.
So, basically, God's concierge.
Basically, yes.
Why didn't he tell me this himself?
Um "I'd tell Anthony myself,
but I know he'd make fun of it."
- Which I just did.
- Which you just did.
He also wrote,
"My lawyers have enclosed
all the legal work needed.
The apartment and
all of my belongings
are now his.
I want no attachments.
I have let go of all things
that no longer serve me.
And I let it all go with love."
I am stunned.
He's let it all go,
and I sit here still
holding on to things
I'm not sure even serve me.
Good for him.
Good for him.
To Stanny.
♪
Mm.
Who gets to keep the photo?
Oh, I do. I'm very attached.
- (CHARLOTTE HUMMING)
- ANASTASIA: Charlotte!
- BOTH: Charlotte!
- Where you goin', girl?
What? I'm goin' home.
We heard you sold the Alex Israel.
And when one of us sells
a piece over $100,000,
we take them out to drinks.
Oh, that is so sweet!
But, you know, it's already 6:30.
I've got dinner, I've
got kids' homework.
Big yikes! Girl you
are the main character.
You sold to fuckin' Sam fuckin' Smith.
I did, yes. And thank you.
But maybe some other time,
'cause my family's waiting for me.
But it's our ritual!
Well if it's our ritual,
then one drink.
- Yes! There we go!
- (ALL CHEERING)
It's so wee. See?
Oh, hey, I don't wanna sit up front.
- Okay.
- I sat up front at this comedy club in Norfolk
- Yeah.
- and the comic made fun of me.
- Called me "Country Lurch."
- Aww.
Hey.
I only invited 15 guests
to the last supper.
I left a chair open
in case a certain
handsome man I love very much
changes his mind at the last minute
about a fancy meal.
- FYI.
- Oh, thank you.
That's so sweet, but Country Lurch
- is never setting foot in that apartment.
- (CHUCKLES) Aww.
(GASPS) What? This is a surprise.
- (SIGHS) Yeah.
- Hi.
Well I, I was thinkin' about it,
and I, I don't wanna be someone
who throws exes away anymore.
I mean, I can't treat Che
the way I treated Skipper.
Skipper! Oh, my That was, like
- That was 25 years ago.
- I know.
- And it still bothers me.
- Oh.
Well, I'm sure Che's
very touched you came out.
(WHISPERS) Oh, they don't
know. I'm surprising them.
- Shh. (LAUGHS)
- (CARRIE GASPS)
(PATRONS CHEERING)
ANASTASIA: Okay, okay, okay.
LELA: All right, all right!
- To Charlotte, who is straight up
- Aw.
- badass slaying at Kasabian!
- Whoa.
- Oh, so sweet. Thank you.
- Woo!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah! (LAUGHS)
- LELA: Take a breath, girl.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- You're getting another text.
- Ugh! Stop texting me!
Oh, my God!
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
You guys are a good-looking crowd!
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
Yeah, okay, okay.
Okay, I know your scene.
Cis-hetero guy with his cis-hetero lady
cruising the queer comedy club
looking for some nasty
non-binary dick slash pussy.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- See, that would've been me.
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. Mm-hmm.
It's cool, dude. I'm into cis guys.
- I'm trans.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
JESS HENDERSON: Okay.
This non-standup cannot
get a bigger laugh than me.
- I'm cute. Look at my face.
- Che hey.
JESS: Okay, I won you back.
Toby, thanks for comin'.
Yeah, don't wanna get
in the way of your flow
or whatever before.
I just wanted to say,
- "Hey, I'm here."
- JESS: Are we ready for our next comic?
- Oh, shit.
- JESS: Okay!
Please welcome to the stage,
after far too long, Che Diaz!
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
Give it up! Let's give it up. Yes!
Hey!
- Jess Henderson, everybody!
- Period! You're fuckin' welcome!
CHE: The very shy Jess Henderson.
So, (SIGHS) I just got out
of an eight-month relationship
with a married, straight white woman.
- (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- I know I know what you're thinking.
- Eight months?
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Wouldn't it have been quicker
and less painful to just
slam my dick in a car door?
(MIRANDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
The good news: She was
very sexually adventurous.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERS)
- Oh, yeah. Wild, in fact.
Yeah, she brought four
people into our bed.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERS)
- Yeah. Me, her, her husband, and her son.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- So, not so much a fuck, as a mind fuck.
(LAUGHTER)
So, before me, she'd only been with men.
So, the first time we had
sex it took forever!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- No, really, she kept waiting
for my clit to get hard. It was like
(LAUGHTER)
- "Should I just "
- Wow.
"Should I do that? Is that "
(LAUGHTER)
Woo! (SIGHS) Yeah, my
lady was very confused.
"Am I queer? Am I bi?
Am I les? Am I "
Just all over the LGBTQIA+ menu.
Just, "I'll take queer.
Uh, yeah, with a side of
bi. Uh, hold the mayo."
- (LAUGHTER)
- And it's not just her.
Yeah, I was, I was confused as well.
We were both kind of in the same place.
Yeah she was confused
about everything
- and I was confused about why I was fucking her.
- (LAUGHTER)
- I have to go. I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- CHE: Same place, right?
- Sorry.
That's the same place. Ish?
(CHE LAUGHS)
♪
Uh
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry.
Uhh, meanwhile?
You. Shut yourself up.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
All right, ya know what? Ya know what?
There's, like, 37
other non-binary comics
at the bar just dyin' to get up here,
so, thank you, good night.
Thank you.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Miranda.
Not funny! Not funny!
- I didn't know you were here.
- What difference does that make?
- (CHE SIGHS)
- What kind of a person gets up on stage
and makes jokes like that
about what happened between us?
A stand-up That kinda person.
Why are you so surprised?
I'm a stand-up comic.
That's what I do. I get
on stage and I make jokes
about the bad things
that happen in my life.
I'm a bad thing that
happened in your life?
God, it's all bad, Miranda!
- That's the fuckin' point of comedy!
- I never thought of you
as a bad thing that happened in my life.
- Until now! Now I do!
- Okay.
And, and w-where were
all the jokes about what
a fucking mess you are?!
- I was getting to them.
- Sure.
- (CHE SIGHS)
- Che?
- Hey you okay?
- (CHE SIGHS)
Guess who that was?
Yeah I figured.
Why am I always having
to remind people who I am?
I'm so fuckin' tired of having to
explain myself to people for years.
Or go on fuckin' stage
and perform some version
of myself that they'll find acceptable.
I'm so fuckin' over it.
(SIGHS) Sorry.
No. You know what? I-I'm not sorry.
Good. Don't be. Own it
all, all of your feelings.
There's nothing hotter
than a strong enby person.
Shit. (CHUCKLES) Now I'm sorry.
I didn't even ask if you were
open to being called enby.
- I just got all caught up.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
Thank you for asking.
I, I-I appreciate that.
And, yes, enby suits me just fine.
All right, I'm gonna go.
Can I walk with you?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS) Oh, shit. I
forgot my two notebooks.
Whatever. Fuck it. I don't fucking care.
- (TOBY LAUGHS)
- Fuck it all.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- (RICHARD BURTON BARKING)
- (CHARLOTTE GIGGLES)
ROCK: She's home.
- Mom?
- Mom!
Charlotte? Where have you been?
We've been calling
and texting for hours!
I texted you
that I was with work friends
because I am slaying at work!
- Are you wasted?
- We did some shots!
We I've been It's
been hours! We were worried!
You could've at least
texted back that you're okay!
(LAUGHS) I couldn't! Because I
threw my phone into a
pitcher of margaritas.
It was hilarious.
And then I don't know where it went.
The phone or the margaritas.
God, Mom, you're so gross.
Hey! I was a person before you!
I was a person before all of you!
I am more than just
your wife and your moms!
And you need to get that, okay?
And get it together!
God! Ugh!
(DOOR SLAMS)
(WHIMPERING)
(BARKS)
Hi, baby.
Hey, say goodbye to this hotel
'cause I'm gonna have at
least the bedroom ready
for the first night
at our place right
after the last supper.
How poetic is that?
- Very.
- (CARRIE GIGGLES)
- Say "our place" again.
- Our place.
Our place.
This is gonna be so great.
- (AIDAN SIGHS)
- You have us in the country,
and I have us in the city.
Like that children's story,
"The City Mouse and the Country Lurch."
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Hm.
Hey, you know how a
while back you told Che
- that you made a mistake about us?
- Hm.
Well, since then, I've been thinkin'
I made mistakes about us as well.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
Such as?
Uh, I was so damn determined
- to lock it down between us that
- Hm.
Now I know
lockin' it down with someone
doesn't mean jack shit.
Look at me and Kathy.
Yeah, but you have your boys.
That's right. I do.
And speaking of "I do,"
when I couldn't get you
to sign a marriage license,
I forced you into
signing a lease with me
on that apartment next door to yours.
Couldn't make that work either.
You know why I never
wanted to go back in there?
'Cause you didn't
wanna feel that hurt.
Mm-mm. I was afraid I'd get
mad at ya all over again.
And that was a mistake, too.
(PHONE RINGING)
Kathy.
Why is she callin' this late?
Hey, everything all right?
Uh-huh.
Well, other than that, is he all right?
All right, let me get off this call
so I can see about flights.
All right.
W-Wyatt's in the ER.
He broke his collarbone.
He, he drove my truck into a tree.
But he's, he's only 14
and this is Kathy's week.
How did he even get to the truck?
- Um, isn't-isn't it at the farm?
- Yeah.
No, I'm I, I don't know. I, I
I don't have the details, I just
- I gotta get a flight ASAP.
- Yeah, I'll help you.
Honey?
- Honey.
- Hm?
Something's not right.
- What? With what?
- I'm bleeding.
(SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, let's go. Let's
go to the hospital.
Yeah. Okay. But, um,
I think it's too late.
Come on.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Oh.
- Hey. What's up?
- Hey, Carrie.
So, after last night with Che,
I'm, I'm afraid I don't feel comfortable
- coming to your last supper.
- Well, too bad. You're coming.
Come on, Miranda. We're not
in high school, you know?
You're not gonna hide from your ex
in the AV room till summer break.
Hey, that's not fair.
You didn't hear what Che
said to me on the street.
I'm not just talking about Che.
Then who are you talking about?
Steve, Miranda.
You have no idea what's
even going on with Steve
and you were married to
him. You shared a life.
I'm sorry if you'll feel uncomfortable,
but you're here, you're
alive, you're important to me,
and you're coming.
- I'll see ya tonight.
- Yes, you will. Thank you!
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm at the hospital.
- How is he?
- AIDAN: It's more than his collarbone.
He broke his leg in two places.
She didn't wanna tell
me till I got here.
W-What did happen?
He got in a fight with his mom.
Uh, he snuck outta the house
and hitched 30 miles back to the farm
and he had a few beers.
(CRYING) And then he got
in my truck to drive back
and he hit a tree.
A-And he totaled the truck.
Oh, my God. Well, why, why
was he going to the farm?
(CRYING) He said he said,
"I wanted to sleep at my dad's house."
I should've been there, Carrie.
I should've been there.
Oh. Oh, Aidan. Honey.
(CRYING)
Oh, honey He'll be okay. Breaks heal.
- They heal.
- AIDAN: I should've been there!
(CARRIE SIGHS)
CARRIE: And just like
that, for the first time,
I was worried.
Sure there's purple haze ♪
In the sky ♪
And they say maybe
we're running out of time ♪
But I don't care, 'cause you and I ♪
Know that love is
all we need to survive ♪
Came up from nothing,
oh, nothing at all ♪
And you stood by my side ♪
You stood by my side ♪
Oh, you can count on
me if ever you fall ♪
Until the end of time ♪
- 'Til the end of time ♪
- Every day, there's a sad twist of fate ♪
And it's easy to think
there's no way we can make it ♪
- There's no way we can make it ♪
- But I swear, you and I ♪
- You and I ♪
- Can stay strong through the fight ♪
- Through the fight ♪
- If we hold on long enough to face it ♪
Sure there's purple haze in the sky ♪
And they say maybe
we're running out of time ♪
But I don't care, 'cause you and I ♪
Know that love is
all we need to survive ♪
♪
Love is all we need to survive ♪