Andy Richter Controls the Universe (2002) s02e10 Episode Script
Duh Dog
So, I'm thinking that this schematic Yeah, I see that.
Because its axis Needs to be rotated.
So, maybe we should I'm on it.
ANDY: It's great working with Byron.
He anticipates my every Need.
Okay, he didn't really anticipate That.
Or That.
But we do make a great team.
I'm like a manual-writing gladiator, and he's my adorable artist sidekick.
I think I'll call him "Popo.
" Okay, here.
I'm thinking we should move this paragraph to here.
Mm-hmm.
Or maybe here.
Mm-hmm.
Or maybe here.
No.
Mm-hmm.
I hated having to shut him down like that, but, hey, I'm a gladiator.
He's lucky I didn't slice him open and jump rope with his entrails.
Guys, listen, whatever you do, do not go into Keith's office for the next few minutes.
Please, trust me on this.
You guys are so easy.
Gentlemen, meet your next assignment.
The Pickering Industrial Flash Fryer.
It's going to make the fast-food industry faster and foodier.
Why do you have to keep it in my office? Because, for some reason, your office has been rewired to handle an enormous amount of electricity.
I know it looks like fun, but I'm never here enough to enjoy it.
Anyway the military division was trying to develop an incapacitating light beam to use for crowd control.
They tested it on rats, and, apparently, it fried them to a delicious golden crisp.
Don't worry.
I won't show you whatthat looked like.
On the upside, it was a wake-up call for other rats to get their act together and make something out of their lives.
So these things are all ready to ship but, unfortunately, the manual's incomprehensible.
I see.
So, our job is to de-incomprehensibalize it.
Maybe I went to the wrong guys.
Don't worry, Jessica.
He knows not words good, but he draws pictures pretty.
(bell dings) I still don't see why it has to be in my Whoa.
That is some beautiful chicken.
That is gorgeous.
And, yet, if I were to marry it, they'd call me mentally ill.
Fellas, it's like I just lost my chicken-ginity.
Here we are-- the go-to guys, the fixers, the big guns.
All right, I'm trying to dress this up because, basically, you're watching two guys writing a manual.
Here, I'll give you something more interesting to look at.
(music playing) So, if you move this block of text from page 18 to right down here, then I think that you can These instructions are so complicated.
I think we should do more with pictures.
What if we made the whole manual more like a like a comic book? Byron, we don't need a lot of flashy images to capture people's attention.
I mean, that would just be pandering to the lowest common denominator.
I don't think it's pandering to give people something fun to look at.
All right, things are heating up.
I need you to focus.
(music stops) It's time for a gentle correction.
I'll use the time-honored teaching techniques of ridicule and sarcasm.
You want it to be a comic book.
Well, hey, instead of instructions, why not just draw a big, stupid cartoon dog? Doh-dee-doh.
And he can say things like, "Don't put your hand in the hot oil, duh.
"Turn on the fryer before you use it, duh.
Don't forget to breathe, duh.
" You're doing that teaching thing again, aren't you? I'm sorry, Byron, but I have done hundreds of these.
I wrote the award-winning manual for the super toilet.
I think I know what I'm doing.
Fine, we'll do it your way.
Thank you.
(music resumes playing) Now, if you put this paragraph down here next to this image, Mm-hmm.
I think they really balance each other nicely.
Mm-hmm.
(music continues playing) Wendy, over the last few days I've discovered an immutable law of the universe.
Everything tastes better fried.
But you're frying a grilled cheese sandwich.
Isn't that redundant? If redundant means doubly delicious, then yes.
(bell dings) Mmm.
After days of hard work on the manual, Popo and I were headed to our big presentation.
We were prepared for anything they could throw our way.
Hey, you guys got an onion? You didn't tell me we were going to need onions.
Relax, Popo.
Popo? Why do you need an onion? I want to make onion rings.
How do you form them into that ring shape, anyway? Well, you just slice them and they fall into rings.
Yeah, right.
ANDY: We intend this manual to be clear, simple and fun.
Thus insuring a successful product for years to come.
Well, I think the guys have created something really good.
I don't like it.
I meant really good as a starting-off point.
I don't like any of it.
I meant a starting-off point that clearly shows us the wrong direction.
Well, as long as it's been helpful.
It's still too complicated.
This manual has to be simple enough for some stupid 16-year-old fast food employee to understand.
They're not stupid.
They just don't care.
Excuse me? Uh Well, I spent a summer working at Taco King.
All that mindless repetition After a while, I just didn't care about anything anymore.
I used to stick my feet in the beans just to remind myself I was alive.
That wasn't the Taco King by the airport, was it? No, ma'am.
So, how do we make these bored teenagers care? Yes.
That is the question.
How do we keep their feet out of the beans? With lucid, concise prose.
Wrong.
Bean Feet what do you got? What if we had a cartoon character to lead them through the manual? Like the one you're drawing there? Oh, well, I'm just doodling, but, um Okay.
This is just a big, dumb dog, right? But I suppose he could give really obvious instructions like "Don't put your hand in the hot oil, duh.
" I like it.
Oh, my God.
It's me.
I think kids will pay attention to this.
It's non-threatening, has no sexuality and is so stupid-looking you can't help but feel sorry for it.
I don't think it's that fat.
No one said "fat.
" Oh.
We totally scored.
Byron, you're new at this but that meeting was a total disaster and that's coming from a guy who once spilled guacamole on a three-star general.
I don't want my face on some idiot dog.
But Ms.
Machado likes the dog with your face and I think we should do what she wants.
Okay, I see what's going on.
Byron's trying to assert his authority.
I just have to figure out a clever way to maneuver the situation so that I get what I want.
Change it! No.
I'd had enough.
I was going to straighten this thing out once and for all.
Andy.
Come here.
Guess what this is.
Green potato chips? Fried Caesar salad.
Try it.
Don't you think you're getting a little carried away? No.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Call me old-fashioned, but maybe you shouldn't fry every damn, freaking thing you eat.
Mmm.
Wow.
That is some good salad.
Isn't it? Yeah.
(timer bell dings) Oh, here.
Take a bite of the dressing.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I stayed and had a few snacks.
After about an hour of abdominal cramping, I was back in action and heading to Jessica's office.
I needed her to tell Byron that when I ask for changes, I expect changes.
Because I'm the guy who calls the shots.
I feel like I could do a really good job, but Andy won't let me.
He always wants to be in charge.
Oh, I don't know if he always Jessica, please tell Byron that I'm always in charge.
Hello, Byron.
What were you guys talking about? Guys, you need to collaborate.
You're equal partners like Elton John and that guy he wrote all those songs with.
But we don't agree on anything.
Am I right? Absolutely.
See? Fine.
It was Byron's drawing, so Byron's in charge.
What?! I have been here for four years.
He's been here two months and one of those was February.
JESSICA: All right, okay.
We'll make this fair.
I am writing someone's name down on a piece of paper and whose ever name it is will be in charge.
But this says "Byron.
" There you go.
But You want to play again? No.
And then, on the last page, the dog-- who I call the "Duh Dog"-- says, um "If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again.
Duh!" And see? His tail is on fire.
(applause) This is wonderful.
ANDY: It's been a bad week.
I'll show you some of the highlights.
No, that's not right.
I think it's pretty good.
"Pretty good," Andy? Is that all we want? "To make fish cakes, push the fish cake button.
Duh!" Mmm, I don't know.
It makes the Duh Dog seem condescending.
Well, he is condescending.
That's his thing.
The word "duh" is inherently condescending.
Yeah.
You know what? Don't get defensive.
Just fix it.
(loud knocking) Hey, Richter! Mr.
Togler? What are you doing here? It's so late.
It's never too late to talk about your career.
All right, this last thing didn't happen but Byron was out of control.
Taste this.
What is it? Just taste it.
It's good.
It's a pencil.
Ew! Ugh! Are you crazy? Now you're frying things that aren't even food.
No, now I'm turning things into food.
No, you're not.
You're taking things that should never be eaten you're frying them and feeding them to your girlfriend.
Morning, guys.
Taste this.
Don't do it! It's a pencil.
I know, he made me one yesterday.
They're smoky.
Aren't they? (loud crunch) What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were supposed to be at the recording studio.
Why, did I become a rock star? No, they've got a guy over there recording the voice of the Duh Dog.
What voice? It's a manual.
It doesn't talk, except for when it mocks me in my dreams.
Well, apparently the bosses liked the Duh Dog so much they're making an animated video to go with the manual.
Oh, for God's sakes.
Can I get the address of that studio? Here.
It still writes.
Hey, the "on" button means the fryer is on.
Duh! Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Because you have been fighting me every step of the way and frankly, I'm tired of your negative energy.
Bite me! Andy! What? He called me negative.
You have hated the Duh Dog ever since I thought of him.
I thought of him.
Well, then you hate yourself.
And that I can't help you with.
Andy, thanks so much for coming by.
You've made a wonderful contribution to the session.
Maybe you'd like to spill a soda on the mixing board before you go.
Gerald, it sounds wonderful.
Let's try one with a scoche of mystery.
(same voice): "Hey, the 'on' button means "the fryer is on.
Duh!" Oh, my God.
This is the guy you picked? He sounds like that DJ, Booger, from Geno and Booger's Morning Crew.
That's me, 5:30 to 10:00 making your morning drive extreme! This guy is all wrong, I mean The Duh Dog should have a dumb voice, you know (dopey voice): The "on" button means the fryer is on.
Duh! Things only fry when you put 'em in the fryer.
Duh! Like that.
He's funny.
You should let him do it.
I'm not that good with dumb, you know.
I'm more in your face! Byron, what do you think? I don't know.
I think my guy-- Blows? I agree.
Andy, get in the booth.
(cackles) The recording session went great.
Everybody loved what I did, except Byron.
And I loved that he hated what everyone else loved.
And he hated that, and I loved it.
Hello, Byron.
Andy.
So, uh, now that I'm going to be doing the voice of the Duh Dog, I'm going to need to make some changes.
Let me guess: You want me to bulk up his package.
Well, I was going to say make him look smarter.
But now that you mention it, you know, a lot of teenage girls work at these fast food joints so maybe we should put something in there for them.
Andy, I heard your Duh Dog tape.
You're adorable.
Hey, Byron.
Hey, Wendy, how's? Can you do the voice? Please? (Duh Dog voice): Uh, don't answer the phone until it rings-- Duh! (laughing) Yeah, see, that's the thing about "Double D.
" He states the obvious, you know, what we're all thinking but don't have the nerve to say.
Yeah, you know 'cause I have often been afraid to say, "Answer the phone.
" (Duh Dog voice): You're pretty bitter.
Duh! (laughing): 'Cause he is bitter.
(both laughing) Oh, hey, guys-- check this out.
The company made up a bunch of these "Duh Dog" safety stickers.
Hal Sloane put one on the front of his pants that said, "Caution.
Contents may explode.
Duh.
" It was really funny.
Mostly because we knew he was going to get fired.
There's a farewell card floating around-- you guys should sign.
Wow.
There's no telling how far the Duh Dog could go.
Oh, and there's going to be a reception tomorrow to roll out the Flash Fryer.
Machado wants the Duh Dog there to mingle with clients.
Does she realize he's just a drawing? My drawing? Does anybody realize that? It was just a drawing until I gave it life! (thunderclap booms) They're fixing the fuse box.
(thunderclap-like vibration) Oh, good, the sheet metal's here.
Look at me.
Look at them looking at me.
I am the big dog, the alpha dog the top dog, the dogfather.
Who let me out? Woof! Woof! Oh, I must be an English hunting dog because I just spotted a fox-- Duh.
You are so cute.
And you have tremendous breasts-- Duh.
(laughing) Oh, thank you.
You see what's happening here? People love the Duh Dog.
I can get away with anything.
Watch this.
Hey, Machado! Great party-- And to think you did it all with cheap champagne.
No wonder you're going places-- Duh.
I love this guy.
Well, that's good, 'cause nobody likes you-- Duh.
(laughing) Here, baby.
Oh, puppy likes the silly sauce.
Hey.
Hey.
I've got some bad news.
My cholesterol's up to 290, and I can't button my pants.
You've got to stop eating fried foods.
I know, but they're so darn good.
Keith, according to your cholesterol, you're already dead.
Would it help you to quit if I stopped sleeping with you because you smell like a patty melt? I really hope this isn't a tough choice.
No, of course not.
Here, take this.
I'm back, baby.
Everything was perfect.
It was what I always imagined a night walking around telling jokes in a dog suit would be.
Oh, Andy, this is our client, Mr.
Green.
Oh, Mr.
Green, it is an honor to meet you.
I grew up eating your fried chicken.
Well, that is, until my family got off of food stamps.
Duh.
Am I right? (chuckles) (laughing) Um, Andy? Andy, you don't have to say everything other people are afraid to say.
I'm sorry.
Remind me.
Which one of us is the beloved icon? Andy I'm serious.
You're kind of being a jerk.
You can't stand it that everybody loves me and that nobody in this room even knows your name.
So, you're the Byron Togler that everybody's been talking about.
JESSICA: Yes, Byron designed the Duh Dog.
Nice work, Byron.
You're a very talented artist.
Why, thank you, sir.
Look at him! The big artist.
The Duh Dog was my idea.
All Byron did was develop it, present it and shut me down when I tried to kill it.
Now he's taking all the credit.
I'm taking him out doggy-style.
No, not like that! (chuckling): Hey, Byron! If you're such a great artist why don't you draw yourself a woman who will actually go out with you? Duh! (chuckles) What? It's funny.
I'm in a dog suit.
That was kind of mean.
What are you talking about? Hey, short guy, shouldn't you be showing Dorothy where the Yellow Brick Road starts? That's hurtful.
Oh, come on.
I'm the Duh Dog.
I say what everybody's thinking: Uh, nothing nothing.
"Oh, I wish I looked like her.
Duh.
" (chuckles) "Money, chicken, money, chicken whores, money, chicken.
" (laughs) Andy! (slurred): What is the matter with you people? I'm lovable, damn it! Andy? Andy? (moans) Andy? Shh.
Oh, man.
I dreamt I was chasing a guy in a squirrel suit.
Guess I got dehydrated in this costume.
Heat and booze are a bad combination.
That's why you never see large, furry animals getting drunk.
Hey, listen, you were right.
I was acting like a jerk.
Hey, listen you really were.
I'm sorry.
I guess the fame got to my head.
The sad thing is, I'm only famous on, like, eight floors.
And now, not even that.
What? Mr.
Green killed the Duh Dog.
He decided the character was mean-spirited.
Plus, his wife thought it was disgusting to have a dog involved in food preparation.
As opposed to teenagers? Come on.
You ready? I'll drive you home.
Oh, boy.
(groans) Okay.
ANDY: So, I was thinking, you know, instead of me always trying to, well, you know Be in charge.
Right, I thought we could work together, like, um Time-traveling bank robbers? Well, I was going to say "partners.
" But your idea sounds like more fun.
(buzzing) What? I can quit anytime I want.
Help me.
Because its axis Needs to be rotated.
So, maybe we should I'm on it.
ANDY: It's great working with Byron.
He anticipates my every Need.
Okay, he didn't really anticipate That.
Or That.
But we do make a great team.
I'm like a manual-writing gladiator, and he's my adorable artist sidekick.
I think I'll call him "Popo.
" Okay, here.
I'm thinking we should move this paragraph to here.
Mm-hmm.
Or maybe here.
Mm-hmm.
Or maybe here.
No.
Mm-hmm.
I hated having to shut him down like that, but, hey, I'm a gladiator.
He's lucky I didn't slice him open and jump rope with his entrails.
Guys, listen, whatever you do, do not go into Keith's office for the next few minutes.
Please, trust me on this.
You guys are so easy.
Gentlemen, meet your next assignment.
The Pickering Industrial Flash Fryer.
It's going to make the fast-food industry faster and foodier.
Why do you have to keep it in my office? Because, for some reason, your office has been rewired to handle an enormous amount of electricity.
I know it looks like fun, but I'm never here enough to enjoy it.
Anyway the military division was trying to develop an incapacitating light beam to use for crowd control.
They tested it on rats, and, apparently, it fried them to a delicious golden crisp.
Don't worry.
I won't show you whatthat looked like.
On the upside, it was a wake-up call for other rats to get their act together and make something out of their lives.
So these things are all ready to ship but, unfortunately, the manual's incomprehensible.
I see.
So, our job is to de-incomprehensibalize it.
Maybe I went to the wrong guys.
Don't worry, Jessica.
He knows not words good, but he draws pictures pretty.
(bell dings) I still don't see why it has to be in my Whoa.
That is some beautiful chicken.
That is gorgeous.
And, yet, if I were to marry it, they'd call me mentally ill.
Fellas, it's like I just lost my chicken-ginity.
Here we are-- the go-to guys, the fixers, the big guns.
All right, I'm trying to dress this up because, basically, you're watching two guys writing a manual.
Here, I'll give you something more interesting to look at.
(music playing) So, if you move this block of text from page 18 to right down here, then I think that you can These instructions are so complicated.
I think we should do more with pictures.
What if we made the whole manual more like a like a comic book? Byron, we don't need a lot of flashy images to capture people's attention.
I mean, that would just be pandering to the lowest common denominator.
I don't think it's pandering to give people something fun to look at.
All right, things are heating up.
I need you to focus.
(music stops) It's time for a gentle correction.
I'll use the time-honored teaching techniques of ridicule and sarcasm.
You want it to be a comic book.
Well, hey, instead of instructions, why not just draw a big, stupid cartoon dog? Doh-dee-doh.
And he can say things like, "Don't put your hand in the hot oil, duh.
"Turn on the fryer before you use it, duh.
Don't forget to breathe, duh.
" You're doing that teaching thing again, aren't you? I'm sorry, Byron, but I have done hundreds of these.
I wrote the award-winning manual for the super toilet.
I think I know what I'm doing.
Fine, we'll do it your way.
Thank you.
(music resumes playing) Now, if you put this paragraph down here next to this image, Mm-hmm.
I think they really balance each other nicely.
Mm-hmm.
(music continues playing) Wendy, over the last few days I've discovered an immutable law of the universe.
Everything tastes better fried.
But you're frying a grilled cheese sandwich.
Isn't that redundant? If redundant means doubly delicious, then yes.
(bell dings) Mmm.
After days of hard work on the manual, Popo and I were headed to our big presentation.
We were prepared for anything they could throw our way.
Hey, you guys got an onion? You didn't tell me we were going to need onions.
Relax, Popo.
Popo? Why do you need an onion? I want to make onion rings.
How do you form them into that ring shape, anyway? Well, you just slice them and they fall into rings.
Yeah, right.
ANDY: We intend this manual to be clear, simple and fun.
Thus insuring a successful product for years to come.
Well, I think the guys have created something really good.
I don't like it.
I meant really good as a starting-off point.
I don't like any of it.
I meant a starting-off point that clearly shows us the wrong direction.
Well, as long as it's been helpful.
It's still too complicated.
This manual has to be simple enough for some stupid 16-year-old fast food employee to understand.
They're not stupid.
They just don't care.
Excuse me? Uh Well, I spent a summer working at Taco King.
All that mindless repetition After a while, I just didn't care about anything anymore.
I used to stick my feet in the beans just to remind myself I was alive.
That wasn't the Taco King by the airport, was it? No, ma'am.
So, how do we make these bored teenagers care? Yes.
That is the question.
How do we keep their feet out of the beans? With lucid, concise prose.
Wrong.
Bean Feet what do you got? What if we had a cartoon character to lead them through the manual? Like the one you're drawing there? Oh, well, I'm just doodling, but, um Okay.
This is just a big, dumb dog, right? But I suppose he could give really obvious instructions like "Don't put your hand in the hot oil, duh.
" I like it.
Oh, my God.
It's me.
I think kids will pay attention to this.
It's non-threatening, has no sexuality and is so stupid-looking you can't help but feel sorry for it.
I don't think it's that fat.
No one said "fat.
" Oh.
We totally scored.
Byron, you're new at this but that meeting was a total disaster and that's coming from a guy who once spilled guacamole on a three-star general.
I don't want my face on some idiot dog.
But Ms.
Machado likes the dog with your face and I think we should do what she wants.
Okay, I see what's going on.
Byron's trying to assert his authority.
I just have to figure out a clever way to maneuver the situation so that I get what I want.
Change it! No.
I'd had enough.
I was going to straighten this thing out once and for all.
Andy.
Come here.
Guess what this is.
Green potato chips? Fried Caesar salad.
Try it.
Don't you think you're getting a little carried away? No.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Call me old-fashioned, but maybe you shouldn't fry every damn, freaking thing you eat.
Mmm.
Wow.
That is some good salad.
Isn't it? Yeah.
(timer bell dings) Oh, here.
Take a bite of the dressing.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I stayed and had a few snacks.
After about an hour of abdominal cramping, I was back in action and heading to Jessica's office.
I needed her to tell Byron that when I ask for changes, I expect changes.
Because I'm the guy who calls the shots.
I feel like I could do a really good job, but Andy won't let me.
He always wants to be in charge.
Oh, I don't know if he always Jessica, please tell Byron that I'm always in charge.
Hello, Byron.
What were you guys talking about? Guys, you need to collaborate.
You're equal partners like Elton John and that guy he wrote all those songs with.
But we don't agree on anything.
Am I right? Absolutely.
See? Fine.
It was Byron's drawing, so Byron's in charge.
What?! I have been here for four years.
He's been here two months and one of those was February.
JESSICA: All right, okay.
We'll make this fair.
I am writing someone's name down on a piece of paper and whose ever name it is will be in charge.
But this says "Byron.
" There you go.
But You want to play again? No.
And then, on the last page, the dog-- who I call the "Duh Dog"-- says, um "If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again.
Duh!" And see? His tail is on fire.
(applause) This is wonderful.
ANDY: It's been a bad week.
I'll show you some of the highlights.
No, that's not right.
I think it's pretty good.
"Pretty good," Andy? Is that all we want? "To make fish cakes, push the fish cake button.
Duh!" Mmm, I don't know.
It makes the Duh Dog seem condescending.
Well, he is condescending.
That's his thing.
The word "duh" is inherently condescending.
Yeah.
You know what? Don't get defensive.
Just fix it.
(loud knocking) Hey, Richter! Mr.
Togler? What are you doing here? It's so late.
It's never too late to talk about your career.
All right, this last thing didn't happen but Byron was out of control.
Taste this.
What is it? Just taste it.
It's good.
It's a pencil.
Ew! Ugh! Are you crazy? Now you're frying things that aren't even food.
No, now I'm turning things into food.
No, you're not.
You're taking things that should never be eaten you're frying them and feeding them to your girlfriend.
Morning, guys.
Taste this.
Don't do it! It's a pencil.
I know, he made me one yesterday.
They're smoky.
Aren't they? (loud crunch) What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were supposed to be at the recording studio.
Why, did I become a rock star? No, they've got a guy over there recording the voice of the Duh Dog.
What voice? It's a manual.
It doesn't talk, except for when it mocks me in my dreams.
Well, apparently the bosses liked the Duh Dog so much they're making an animated video to go with the manual.
Oh, for God's sakes.
Can I get the address of that studio? Here.
It still writes.
Hey, the "on" button means the fryer is on.
Duh! Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Because you have been fighting me every step of the way and frankly, I'm tired of your negative energy.
Bite me! Andy! What? He called me negative.
You have hated the Duh Dog ever since I thought of him.
I thought of him.
Well, then you hate yourself.
And that I can't help you with.
Andy, thanks so much for coming by.
You've made a wonderful contribution to the session.
Maybe you'd like to spill a soda on the mixing board before you go.
Gerald, it sounds wonderful.
Let's try one with a scoche of mystery.
(same voice): "Hey, the 'on' button means "the fryer is on.
Duh!" Oh, my God.
This is the guy you picked? He sounds like that DJ, Booger, from Geno and Booger's Morning Crew.
That's me, 5:30 to 10:00 making your morning drive extreme! This guy is all wrong, I mean The Duh Dog should have a dumb voice, you know (dopey voice): The "on" button means the fryer is on.
Duh! Things only fry when you put 'em in the fryer.
Duh! Like that.
He's funny.
You should let him do it.
I'm not that good with dumb, you know.
I'm more in your face! Byron, what do you think? I don't know.
I think my guy-- Blows? I agree.
Andy, get in the booth.
(cackles) The recording session went great.
Everybody loved what I did, except Byron.
And I loved that he hated what everyone else loved.
And he hated that, and I loved it.
Hello, Byron.
Andy.
So, uh, now that I'm going to be doing the voice of the Duh Dog, I'm going to need to make some changes.
Let me guess: You want me to bulk up his package.
Well, I was going to say make him look smarter.
But now that you mention it, you know, a lot of teenage girls work at these fast food joints so maybe we should put something in there for them.
Andy, I heard your Duh Dog tape.
You're adorable.
Hey, Byron.
Hey, Wendy, how's? Can you do the voice? Please? (Duh Dog voice): Uh, don't answer the phone until it rings-- Duh! (laughing) Yeah, see, that's the thing about "Double D.
" He states the obvious, you know, what we're all thinking but don't have the nerve to say.
Yeah, you know 'cause I have often been afraid to say, "Answer the phone.
" (Duh Dog voice): You're pretty bitter.
Duh! (laughing): 'Cause he is bitter.
(both laughing) Oh, hey, guys-- check this out.
The company made up a bunch of these "Duh Dog" safety stickers.
Hal Sloane put one on the front of his pants that said, "Caution.
Contents may explode.
Duh.
" It was really funny.
Mostly because we knew he was going to get fired.
There's a farewell card floating around-- you guys should sign.
Wow.
There's no telling how far the Duh Dog could go.
Oh, and there's going to be a reception tomorrow to roll out the Flash Fryer.
Machado wants the Duh Dog there to mingle with clients.
Does she realize he's just a drawing? My drawing? Does anybody realize that? It was just a drawing until I gave it life! (thunderclap booms) They're fixing the fuse box.
(thunderclap-like vibration) Oh, good, the sheet metal's here.
Look at me.
Look at them looking at me.
I am the big dog, the alpha dog the top dog, the dogfather.
Who let me out? Woof! Woof! Oh, I must be an English hunting dog because I just spotted a fox-- Duh.
You are so cute.
And you have tremendous breasts-- Duh.
(laughing) Oh, thank you.
You see what's happening here? People love the Duh Dog.
I can get away with anything.
Watch this.
Hey, Machado! Great party-- And to think you did it all with cheap champagne.
No wonder you're going places-- Duh.
I love this guy.
Well, that's good, 'cause nobody likes you-- Duh.
(laughing) Here, baby.
Oh, puppy likes the silly sauce.
Hey.
Hey.
I've got some bad news.
My cholesterol's up to 290, and I can't button my pants.
You've got to stop eating fried foods.
I know, but they're so darn good.
Keith, according to your cholesterol, you're already dead.
Would it help you to quit if I stopped sleeping with you because you smell like a patty melt? I really hope this isn't a tough choice.
No, of course not.
Here, take this.
I'm back, baby.
Everything was perfect.
It was what I always imagined a night walking around telling jokes in a dog suit would be.
Oh, Andy, this is our client, Mr.
Green.
Oh, Mr.
Green, it is an honor to meet you.
I grew up eating your fried chicken.
Well, that is, until my family got off of food stamps.
Duh.
Am I right? (chuckles) (laughing) Um, Andy? Andy, you don't have to say everything other people are afraid to say.
I'm sorry.
Remind me.
Which one of us is the beloved icon? Andy I'm serious.
You're kind of being a jerk.
You can't stand it that everybody loves me and that nobody in this room even knows your name.
So, you're the Byron Togler that everybody's been talking about.
JESSICA: Yes, Byron designed the Duh Dog.
Nice work, Byron.
You're a very talented artist.
Why, thank you, sir.
Look at him! The big artist.
The Duh Dog was my idea.
All Byron did was develop it, present it and shut me down when I tried to kill it.
Now he's taking all the credit.
I'm taking him out doggy-style.
No, not like that! (chuckling): Hey, Byron! If you're such a great artist why don't you draw yourself a woman who will actually go out with you? Duh! (chuckles) What? It's funny.
I'm in a dog suit.
That was kind of mean.
What are you talking about? Hey, short guy, shouldn't you be showing Dorothy where the Yellow Brick Road starts? That's hurtful.
Oh, come on.
I'm the Duh Dog.
I say what everybody's thinking: Uh, nothing nothing.
"Oh, I wish I looked like her.
Duh.
" (chuckles) "Money, chicken, money, chicken whores, money, chicken.
" (laughs) Andy! (slurred): What is the matter with you people? I'm lovable, damn it! Andy? Andy? (moans) Andy? Shh.
Oh, man.
I dreamt I was chasing a guy in a squirrel suit.
Guess I got dehydrated in this costume.
Heat and booze are a bad combination.
That's why you never see large, furry animals getting drunk.
Hey, listen, you were right.
I was acting like a jerk.
Hey, listen you really were.
I'm sorry.
I guess the fame got to my head.
The sad thing is, I'm only famous on, like, eight floors.
And now, not even that.
What? Mr.
Green killed the Duh Dog.
He decided the character was mean-spirited.
Plus, his wife thought it was disgusting to have a dog involved in food preparation.
As opposed to teenagers? Come on.
You ready? I'll drive you home.
Oh, boy.
(groans) Okay.
ANDY: So, I was thinking, you know, instead of me always trying to, well, you know Be in charge.
Right, I thought we could work together, like, um Time-traveling bank robbers? Well, I was going to say "partners.
" But your idea sounds like more fun.
(buzzing) What? I can quit anytime I want.
Help me.